So here's the rub... it was Oedipus' faults that ultimately led to his downfall, okay?
But was it his flaws or was it fate that was to blame?
Well, Sophocles made the prophecy unconditional, so it had to happen.
It didn't matter what Oedipus did.
Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding, you are correct, Cleo.
And that is why you're my favorite.
Well, that's not fair.
I'm a sub. It doesn't matter.
I haven't read this book in, like, 20 years.
I'm just saying what I remember, which apparently is quite a bit.
So here's the biggest question.
The fact is, Oedipus couldn't have done anything differently.
He was screwed from the moment he was born.
But he still had free will, so he had the free will to make positive choices.
So this begs the question... are we just doing good things to avoid personal suffering, or is there actually such a thing as goodness?
Well, what's he gonna do, ask every woman he sleeps with if they're his mom?
[Scattered laughter]
That's a great point.
It kind of kills the mood. I think a good rule of thumb for adopted kids should be, like, to go for another race.
Why risk it, you know?
Simon, you're the funniest person I've ever met.
You should write for "SNL."
Here's the thing that's interesting.
If we want to take Oedipus and bring it into our current moment, this is basically where the whole concept of the MILF comes from.
[Bell rings]
'Sup?
So this is a teachers' lounge.
Behold. That's why we are teachers and lounging.
Oh, cool. Hey, I'm Hannah.
I shouldn't. I'm covered in glue.
'Cause I'm guessing you teach art.
Uh, history. Yeah, it's a long story.
Oh, got it.
You're the new sub, right?
I am. It's my first week.
Yeah, I'm Fran.
Your juice box says Joe, so I'm not sure what to believe.
Yeah, well, Joe and I have a little arrangement.
He brings me a juice box and I don't fail his older sister.
That's really good.
It's great all the way around.
What do you teach?
This semester, it is 17th century European notions of utopia.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, it's just normal high school stuff.
Perfect.
You know? Yeah.
So, should we get some drinks tonight or what?
Um, yeah. That'd be awesome.
[Music playing]
I just think maybe this is the reason that Adam and I broke up in the first place, is so that Fran and I could get married.
[Snorts] That's something a "Bachelor" contestant would say.
I mean, we had the most incredible, immediate connection.
There was so much going... it's like we're both academics, he loves his sister.
What do you think?
Just, like, casual, with, like, a huarache sandal.
What the f*ck?
I mean, if you want him to think you k*lled your kids and have been living in the Florida Panhandle, knock yourself out.
Okay, I'm sorry. This shirt works.
Elijah: Does it?
It's just so crazy. It's like I'm going on a date.
Can you believe that? It's like who even goes on a date?
It's like I'm f*cking 45.
A 45-year-old who just got out of a bad divorce.
My Pilates teacher inspired me to take a chance.
Sure, I'm scared, but I gotta take a chance.
I don't want to die alone, not without a fight.
I'm still a sexual, viable woman.
Now get out of here 'cause I have to masturbate.
That's what you do before a date.
Ugh!
So the sexual tension doesn't, like, overwhelm the evening.
So you can think.
You're so loud when you do it.
I'll do it, too.
[Music playing]
I guess I kind of always saw myself more at, like, a... an inner-city public school type thing.
Like, deep in the Bronx, you know, teaching the kids who can't be taught, like Annie Potts in the "Dangerous Minds" TV show.
Ooh.
But it turns out you need a teaching degree for that.
Yeah, well, you definitely do not need a degree to teach at St. Justine's.
That's... that's a hard fact.
It appears not.
Yeah, do you know Mr. Parsons, chemistry?
Yes.
He dropped out of middle school.
Are you kidding me?
He was like, "How far did you get in schooling?"
I was like, "Through college."
And he was like, "Huh, sixth grade."
Wow, I didn't even need to do half of what I did.
Look, I'm jealous of these kids.
I didn't get to take, you know, origami expression when I was in high school.
I took gym.
The entire arts department at my high school consisted of a broken trumpet and a music teacher who'd been fired for acting in a p*rn.
No way.
Well, he was just jerking off. He wasn't, like, the star.
But he... but he was there. He was on the periphery.
Was he good?
I mean, he ejaculated?
I don't know. He was fine.
[laughs]
He was fine.
I'm having a really nice time.
Yeah.
Thank you for inviting me.
Uh, should we get another drink?
I was actually gonna ask if you wanted to maybe check out this art show that I'm sure is gonna be absolutely terrible.
I just sold it really well.
I absolutely would.
Perfect.
Cool.
Done and done. Cheers.
Cheers.
Been loading them cables all damn day.
Back then we used to call it the East River Bridge.
"Fit to be good for jumping," we'd say.
Poor bastard d*ed of an infection.
I asked Steph to meet me at the mall.
She texted me back. "L-O-L, I don't hang with sluts."
I was like, "What did Jaden say?"
What did Jaden say?
Oh, okay, so now you're... you're Amber.
Okay, great. Sorry.
By this point, it was all over Facebook.
"Amber sucks baseball d*ck."
[snorts] Stop.
That is brilliant, though.
I mean, it was offensive, I'm sure, but you have to admit, it was pretty clever.
Then... so what did you say?
[Whispers] Well, I'm not supposed to go off-script.
What do you mean script?
[Flatly] Kindly put these on.
Oh, thank you very much.
Okay.
Love that enthusiasm.
Well, I knew this would suck, but I did not have any idea just how much.
Are you kidding? This is terribly wonderful.
Well, you are a delightful sport.
Thank you.
Shall we?
[Woman, flatly] Kindly put these on.
"Ask me my name"?
What's your name?
Dorkis.
Dorkis.
With an X?
S.
What's your name?
Uh, Johan, but with a Y and a J.
Woman: Excuse me.
Hello.
Hannah? What are you doing here?
Oh, um, hello, Marnie, Desi. This is Fran.
Hey, nice to meet you.
Seriously, it's kind of crazy that you're here, don't you think?
How come? What's... what's going on?
I mean, if you're talking about Adam, he and I are completely fine and we're just checking out the show.
I think it's beautiful that you're here and not contributing to this pervasive, toxic culture of women in the arts just cutting each other down, maligning each other.
I love the way you think.
Seriously.
Thank you. Thank you, Hannah.
So, just putting a couple things together.
Uh, your ex-boyfriend is here?
Yeah, you know, I probably should've told you about it, but on the other hand, it's like we broke up so long ago and the wounds are so healed.
And at this point it's like we're all just part of one big friend group.
Really?
Fran: You know what? It's no problem.
You know? Everybody's got a past.
This might be shocking for some folks, but I have dated people before.
Women, in fact.
[laughs]
Hello. What the hell?
Ahem.
Uh, excuse me?
I was six years old when they took me away. My mom was crying.
They were gonna put her in another camp.
We've heard this one, Desi.
What's happening?
She tried to give the soldier my favorite doll, a family heirloom.
The soldier threw it on the ground.
Its porcelain head cracked.
Uh, this way, please?
Uh, yeah, we can talk for a minute.
Wow.
But Fran can hear anything you have to say.
What are you doing here?
Okay, we're on a date.
We were looking for a cultural activity to do like the two cultured New Yorkers we are, and so we find ourselves here at Mimi-Rose Howard's show.
Hannah.
It's our first date.
Hannah, would you do me a favor and leave before this gets really f*cking weird?
You mean like 10 minutes ago? [laughs]
You know what? Maybe we should go.
You know what, Fran? I don't want to go because I feel like we haven't really experienced the wonder of this experience yet.
You can't be serious with this.
We oughta...
I'm not doing anything, okay?
I'm over it. You're not over it.
Otherwise you wouldn't have noticed me in this crowd of 40 to 70 people.
[Sighs] Starting to feel a little used here.
You didn't come here to see the show.
No, I came here to see my friend Marnie, my other friend Jessa, and for a date that I'm on with a man named Fran.
Check him out.
All right. I am out.
This is a huge f*cking city.
How hard is it for us to avoid each other...
Fran!
Until you get over this?
Adam, I am over this, okay?
What am I supposed to do, call ahead to every place you might possibly be?
It's my girlfriend's art show. I'm gonna be here.
I'm not gonna be anywhere else.
You can hang out with your friends everywhere else.
Why are you really here?
I don't know.
Hannah, you came.
I did, Mimi-Rose. I came and I really enjoyed myself.
And now I think I'm gonna have to leave.
Oh, okay.
Well, thank you for coming.
Thank you, and thank you for this artistry.
Thank you, Hannah.
We're actually about to go to the after-party, if you'd like to join us.
No, I don't think that's necessary.
No, it's not that big of a deal.
My ex-partner Ace is going.
Her ex-partner Ace is coming.
Hannah, would you like to share a car with us?
Well, Hannah's on a date.
I'm not on a date anymore.
Adam intimidated him and he fled, so, yeah, I'd love to come.
Holy donkey sh*t.
Mims, you ready to go? Hi, I'm Ace.
Oh, Hannah.
Mimi's former partner.
Oh, my God, I'm Hannah, Adam's former partner.
Ace.
Yeah, okay.
Shall we into the night?
Shall we do this thang?
Yeah. After you.
After you.
After you.
I said after you.
Okay, I'll go.
Okay, great, I'll go.
Oh, and you can take these off now.
No way.
Let's keep this experience alive all night.
I'm gonna wear mine till the morning time and then pretend I work at Home Depot all day, helping people and sh*t.
[groans]
I don't even like what I chose to wear tonight, so this is actually a great solution for me.
Oh, crap, a cab! I'm gonna grab it!
Mimi-Rose: Ace, there's a cab right here.
Ace!
All right. Oh, Adam, why don't you ride with Ace and Hannah can ride with me?
The four of us can fit all in one car.
Ace!
No, Adam, go ride with him.
Why?
'Cause I want you to get to know each other.
Our past relationships are part of who we are.
Ace is a big part of my life.
Big part of her life.
Super. I'll share a car with Ace and you two will share this car and we'll all meet over at the place.
Sounds like a great plan.
m*therf*cker.
Ace: Adam!
Let's NYC taxi it to the party, bro!
[Music playing on radio]
Is your name Adeem?
Yeah.
That's a beautiful name.
Thank you.
This is a cool idea.
[Ace laughing] I'm sorry, man.
It's pretty classic Mimi-Rose.
You know, what we find awkward, she finds blissful.
Your suffering's her f*cking safe space.
Wait, what?
What, you mean you're not clued into the whole act?
No, I don't know what you're talking about.
Her whole thing, man.
Pretending she's some sweet weirdo girl from Maine with the bitten-up lips and the Asperger's.
Come on, man. Eventually, you have to recognize it's hollow, it's curated.
She's a bad, bad girl who knows what works.
Should we just take some selfies and get really weird?
Why do you keep coming to her stuff and supporting her, then, if you think she's so manipulative?
Uh, because I will always be in love with her.
Okay, f*ck this. We live together.
Enjoy it while it lasts 'cause I'm gonna get her back, m*therf*cker.
No, this is f*cking bullshit.
You think she really likes you, monkey face?
You're just a chess move, buddy.
You m*therf*cker. Just pull over!
All right, buddy. Hey. Chill.
I would never, ever call you a mother effer for serious.
It's not my game. You know what I mean?
It's not my jam, it's not who I am.
I know where you are right now.
Adrift in the river of Mimi-Rose.
I get the feeling that you didn't really like my show.
Well, that's crazy 'cause I f*ckin' loved your show.
You know you can be honest with me.
I find criticism to be super valuable.
And I can't criticize you when I have absolutely nothing to criticize.
I mean, the show was perfect. It was Beyoncé to me.
Okay.
Glad you found it to be affecting.
I did. I was very affected.
I didn't really have as much time to work on it as I would've liked 'cause I got sucked into writing this stupid book.
You're, uh, writing a book?
I'm trying.
It's a psychosexual thriller told from the perspective of a dead woman who solves her own m*rder using hologram technology that she invented.
I think it'll probably suck, but I just always try to work outside my comfort zone 'cause that's the only way you grow, but I'm not a real writer like you.
I'm not a writer at all. I mean, not anymore.
That's not what Adam says.
I quit, and I've literally never been happier.
Your finger's touching my shoulder.
Hey, um, could we make the turn up here?
That would be great. We need to try a different route.
Great. Great idea.
[Brakes squeal]
Hannah and Mimi-Rose scream]
Are you okay?
I... I think I'm...
What's your name?
Mary.
Mary, okay.
Hey! Come here. Can we get some help?
I'm so sorry, sir.
His name's Adeem.
Hannah: Adeem, I'm so sorry I asked you to turn.
It's your fault. It's her fault.
Well, it's not my fault.
Miss, are you all right?
Yes, yes, I... I'm all right.
What happened here?
Our cab hit this woman.
Because of her.
It was not because of me. I wasn't driving.
Ma'am, let's take the driver's and lady's statements, and then we'll get yours.
Okay, but you're not gonna pin this on me, and I know enough to ask for a lawyer.
Please wait in the cab.
This is totally bogus, okay? Let's just hop in another cab.
No, we can't abandon Adeem and Mary.
She's totally fine. The police are here, okay?
And I'm very hungry. Let's at least wait in the deli.
Fine.
Okay, we're gonna be in the deli, and, Adeem, I don't want to upset you, but the meter is still running.
What smells?
Oh, it's probably me. I don't wear deodorant.
I'm sorry.
They have coconut popsicles?
Oh, this was the last one.
Do you want mine?
No, I'm good.
Do you resent me for dating Adam?
What? Uh, no, I don't resent you.
I would never resent another woman for that and place blame on her.
That is just not how I roll. If I was gonna resent anyone, I would resent him. I don't resent you.
So, why are you mad at Adam, if you were mad at Adam?
I'm not mad at Adam, but if I was, it'd probably be because he's deceitful and because he didn't tell me he was in love with someone else, if that's even a word you two are using.
Not yet.
And I would also be angry at him for being a coward.
Because he is a coward, and then he lashes out like a maniac when you call him on anything because he feels so guilty.
Yep, that is Adam in a nutshell.
Can I use your bathroom?
We don't have a bathroom.
You do have a bathroom. I just saw it.
I saw what was most definitely a toilet, dude.
It's for employees only.
Okay, well, can you just maybe bend those rules because I'm gonna buy all this stuff and I really, really, really have to pee.
Sorry, it's the rules.
Seriously? You know what? f*ck this.
We're f*cking out of here.
She has to pay for the Popsicle.
She's not paying for the Popsicle.
This is a protest.
Hey! You can't steal the Popsicle!
There's probably a bathroom in there.
Okay!
Excuse me, we're gonna be in here now!
Go! Go!
Mimi-Rose: You were ready to b*at me down, weren't you?
[toilet flushes]
Woman: I know, I was ready to fuss... like, what is she doing getting in my underwear?
Like, is this bitch crazy?
I know.
Oh, Hannah, meet my new friend Chezza.
Hi.
She caught me trying to slip a note into her dryer mid-spin and she ran over. She was like, "What are you doing?"
[Chezza laughs] But it turns out she had written me a poem.
Yeah, I always wanted to give a stranger a poem. - [laughs]
I was in that bathroom for less than two minutes.
It's actually a pretty great poem. You want to hear it?
No, thank you.
I just gotta read the first line.
It's so beautiful and touching.
You know what, Chezza? I told you I'm not in the mood for a poem, but thank you so much.
Okay.
Never a dull f*cking moment in this f*cking city.
Hannah, do you still want Adam back?
f*ck, no.
Because if you did, that's something that we should talk about.
We don't need to talk about it. I don't want him back.
You told Jessa that you wanted him back.
f*cking Jessa.
She is insane, and, anyway, I change my mind.
And even if I didn't change my mind, it wouldn't matter because he's with you now.
Well, if you actually did want him back, I might say, "You can have him."
You are laying out a beaver trap, and I'm not gonna walk into your beaver trap.
Hannah, there's no trap.
I think Adam is an extraordinary person, but I've only known him for a few months.
If you feel like you two should really be together, then I am not gonna stand in the way of that.
And I think that that is something that we need to discuss.
Okay, and how would we go about discussing this?
Well, I wouldn't just give him to you, but I feel like we could figure something out.
I would subtly distance myself from him as you incrementally worked your way back into his life.
Perhaps through a joint creative project.
Okay, you are insane, and that's insane.
Are you mad because you gave up on art or because you gave up on Adam or is it both?
I didn't give up on Adam, okay?
You stole him from me.
You swooped in under the cover of night and you took him while I was away at graduate school getting a graduate degree in a form of art that is actual art, unlike what you do, which is not art.
And you're not a genius.
You're just tricking people and confusing them, and I think you know it's bullshit, and I think maybe you should just admit it.
I just... I...
I don't know. I saw this photograph from the 1940s.
Well, that has f*cking nothing to do with what we're talking about.
It was a picture of this little girl.
She was Japanese, five or six, and she was standing next to a row of American soldiers on her way to an internment camp.
And the caption, it just said, "Girl."
I thought, "'Girl'?
Do any of these soldiers even know this girl's name?"
They probably didn't. They were, like, w*r criminals.
But I think it's so easy for us to get so wrapped up in ourselves and our own lives that we just completely lose our empathy.
We don't want to get to know other people.
And I get it.
It's easier to not ask and not tell.
It's easier not to know someone's name.
Well, it sounds like you know what you're doing.
And I'm sorry that learning more about you physically pains me.
Why does it pain you?
Oh, I don't know, because of your book that's gonna be a best seller, because of your smash-hit lectures, because of your little doll face.
You know, it pains me to find out sh*t about you, too.
Oh, save it, please.
No, it's the truth, Hannah.
[laughs] I know that you hated my show.
And the way that you see me, I'm afraid that that's the way everyone sees me.
I just want to make something that says something, and I don't even know why anymore.
You try because you're an artist.
And I couldn't do it, so I quit.
Now I'm gonna have a boring life like my mother's, be dissatisfied, and I'm gonna be normal.
Do you think I want to be normal?
I just wasn't talented enough, and that is why I left Iowa.
I think that we should just go to the bar and start drinking heavily.
Let's get outta here.
[Music playing]
Jessa: Isn't Ace the coolest?
Adam: f*ck, no!
He told me he was gonna get M-R back.
Said he was kidding, but he wasn't.
He said that?
Yeah.
He said he wanted her back?
Yeah, he said she's playing some kind of game and he always gets her back.
He's a f*ckin' psycho.
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
He didn't really say that.
Yeah, why?
This is the whole reason why I set you up with her is so that I could get Ace.
He's not supposed to still want her back.
He's supposed to love me now.
Oh.
I don't buy it. He loves me.
I'll be pregnant with his twins by May.
Congratulations!
Oh, thanks. Thank you.
[Squeals] Oh, my God! Hi.
You came. Oh, you look so terrific.
Woman: Congratulations, fancy lady.
Hey.
Jesus f*cking Christ.
Hey, sorry.
Hey.
You're probably still mad at me or whatever.
No, I... I am not trying to make you unhappy.
I don't want you to be unhappy.
I just want everyone to be happy.
I know, I feel the exact same way.
I just wanted to tell you that I really like Mimi-Rose.
Oh, okay. All right, thank you.
I'm not kidding, okay? I think she's a really special, unique, neat person, and my eyes have been totally opened and I just... I wanted to let you know that and just say congratulations, and I just wanted to say that I... get it.
So now I'll get out of here before I make it bad again, but I just wanted to say that and...
Okay, thank you.
Excuse me.
Hey, um, can I get a falafel sandwich and a seltzer, please?
What's your name?
Oh, my name is Hannah. What is your name?
We'll call you when it's ready.
[Music playing]
♪ I get along without you ♪
♪ Very well ♪
♪ Of course I do ♪
♪ Of course I do ♪
♪ I've forgotten you ♪
♪ Just like I should ♪
♪ Of course I have ♪
♪ Except to hear your name ♪
♪ Or someone's laugh ♪
♪ That is the same ♪
♪ But I've forgotten you ♪
♪ Just like I should ♪
♪ I get along without you ♪
♪ Very well ♪
♪ Of course I do ♪
♪ Except perhaps in spring ♪
♪ But I should never think of spring ♪
♪ For that would surely break my heart ♪
♪ In two. ♪