01x00 - Pilot

[bunniefuu]

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(HEART b*ating)

Can you hear that?

That's my heartbeat.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

They say that TED Talks are the most important 18 minutes of your life.

So, I'm nervous.

And I shouldn't tell you that, but if I didn't you'd figure it out anyway.

So, in some ways, telling you removes a bit of that invisible barrier between us.

I feel more relaxed, so do you.

It's honest, it's transparent and it's good PR.

So, team one up, ready?

We're gonna dig 'em out.

Heckler & Koch, MP5, totally standard.

Exactly what you'd expect.

If you were down Cheshire way, you might see an LMT Defender, but down here, if you're gonna mosh, it's a Heckler & Koch.

Yeah.

f*ck yeah!

(SNIFFS) Bit of that. I mean, that's what we joined for, eh?

You know what I'm saying? Right?

Yeah, well, show me a 19 officer who's ever pulled a trigger outside the f*ring range, and I'll put him in a glass box and charge people 15 quid to look at him.

(SOFTLY) Inward opening door to the left.

Finn: We can do this any minute, okay, any minute.

Just let the mayor have his coffee.

Sure, just check there aren't any corpses in the back of shop.

When did you get so cynical?

It's very unappealing, this corrosive cynicism you guys have, you know that?

Big break, kid.

(GRUNTING) sh*t!

f*cking hell.

Armed police!

Occupants of number 15, we're armed police.

Come to the door with your hands in view!

What the f*ck?

Show me your hands! Show me both your f*cking hands!

You can see my f*cking hands.

Stand still!

How do I even know you're the police?

Show me some ID.

I don't need to show you ID.

Kneel down for me!

f*cking stand still, or you will be tasered.

Well, which is it, kneel down or stand still?

Turn around and put your f*cking hands on your head!

Can you stop swearing, please, mate?

All right, put some clothes on.

Yeah, well, it's my house, innit?

Do what I like, wear what I like.

Maybe you should take your clothes off. How about that?

Maybe that is the house rule, no clothes.

Turn around, put your hands on your head!

Tyler: Dad?

Hey, go back to bed, Tyl, all right?

Go back to bed, now!

(DOG BARKING)

f*ck!

If you don't control your dog, we will.

Do not taser my f*cking dog!

Control your animal or we will tase your animal!

If you taserise my dog, I will f*cking come for you!

Taser! Taser!

(DOG WHIMPERING)

You tasered my f*cking dog!

Don't! Stay clear of my knob end.

Do not taser my f*cking knob end!

Taser! Taser!

No!

(GROANING)

The subject has been tasered and secured.

Get back, ma'am.

What are you doing to him?

Get back now!

Are you k*lling him? Get off!

Ollie? Ollie!

Right, meat and two veg, all the trimmings.

Get off! I'm his wife! Get out of my f*cking way you...

Ow!

Have you k*lled him?

Have you f*cking k*lled him?

Ronnie, get something to cover his scrag end, will you?

(OFFICER LAUGHING)

Keith: Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I heard you already.

Yeah, I heard you already. I heard you already, man, you don't need to say it again in my ear!

(g*nsh*t)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Woman: (ON PHONE) Keith, hello?

You're trudging dog sh*t all over my carpet, are you gonna pay for a carpet clean?

(REPORTER SPEAKING)

Imagine living here.

f*cking sh*thole.

I tell you what, man, I have got a f*cking 3D printer in there, I'm gonna print me off a bazooka and I'm coming for you f*ckers.

Oh, yeah?

I look forward to that.

Make a date for you.

Searched and secured. No firearms.

Have fun with the processing.

Officer: In you get.

Ted: I am getting in.

Guantanamo bullshit.

You didn't have to f*cking taser me.

Yeah, well, mate, you probably missed Strictly, didn't you?

Wanted to see someone dance.

(IMITATES TASER SOUND)

What you looking at? (BANGING) Bloody bastards!

Paramedic: f*ck! f*ck!

Control? Control?

Garvey: The PR game, as we have all known it, is over.

Communication is no longer a one way street, a 24/7 world requires 360 degrees of communication.

The age of information control is over.

We're into information conducting.

We can put up signs, we can direct people, we can cheerlead, but the minute you put up a sign that says, "This is a no go area",

(SUCKING)

Sooner or later the whole crowd is gonna barrel right through.

So what does this mean about new PR?

Man: (ON TV) For nearly 100 years, the Police Dog Support Unit has been providing backup and assistance to officers across the capital in finding, detaining and gathering evidence on the bad guys of London.

What you're looking for in a dog is tenacity, commitment and doggedness.

Not to be confused with doggy...

His voice, it's a little whiny.

Oh, we can rich that up in the sound mix.

Yeah.

Few notches down on the nasalometer would be great.

I'm aware there's no such thing as a nasalometer.

(LAUGHING)

Hi, Miles. Jerry.

Morning, Finn.

So, cappuccino for you, double espresso and, Liz, my sources tell me our new boss goes for a flat white, extra hot.

Thank you, Finn.

No problem. So, first day, exciting.

Yeah.

I don't mind coming to work, it's the eight-hour wait to go home that's a bitch.

(LAUGHING) Mind if I sit in?

This is the dog squad ep.

Matt Coward starts sh**ting with the Territorial Support Group today.

Man: (ON TV) No, look, f*ck you f*cking pigs, I tell you.

All right, but why bring your dog?

You're nicked.

Why you got... Oh, come on.

Handcuff the scrote. Put him in the van.

Next time stop for a police officer.

Finn: Okay, can we stop?

Er, Liz, I'm not sure we're entirely comfortable with our officer being portrayed using the term "scrote".

What is a "scrote"?

It's not too serious, probably the nearest US equivalent would be maybe punk or dirt bag.

I mean in a way doesn't the "f*cking pig" cancel out the "scrotes"?

Miles: It's a good point.

Scrote. There are no racial connotations?

Oh no, I don't, er... Jerry?

Erm...

You gonna pixelate?

No, thought I'd put him in the stocks.

Er, sorry to interrupt, fatal sh**ting in Newham, just to let you know.

We'll put out a holding statement.

Great. What is it?

Don't know, bit of BOB, probably a bit too early.

Will you send me a draft when that comes through?

You'll probably want to wait for some protein, we'll just put up times and places, first up.

Seriously, Liz, we had 3,500 g*n crimes last year, 137 homicides, not gonna be looking over every draft of every press release.

Fine, understood.

I will be taking a look at this one though.

Send me the draft.

Er, scrote.

A worthless obnoxious person, a gobshite or toe rag.

Scrote equals scrotum.

Scrote bag.

It's the whole thing, isn't it?

Fine.

Not an issue.

Stan, you f*cking plank, give me a light!

You get the call from HR?

Firearms training application?

Mmm-hmm.

Clarkey: They want a thumbs up from us.

Clarkey: What are you thinking?

Lewis: I don't know.

You've been kidnapped, you're sweating next to the bad guy with a g*n, Robbie comes through the door to take the sh*t, are you happy?

Yeah, yeah.

Think so, you?

Yeah, I mean, it depends. Yeah.

In theory, I mean...

But is it enough to pull the plug on him?

Okay, guys. Just spoken to upstairs, it's your turn with the filming, all right?

Oh, okay.

We have got Robbie with us.

Right.

(GRUNTING)

Yeah, I'll move Robbie to Carrier Four.

No, he can't go to Carrier Four, Tina's on Carrier Four.

Well, look, just keep an eye on him, all right?

PC Damian Clarke, PC Davina Lewis, this is Matt Coward.

Don't treat him like a knob head, okay?

Hi, guys, great to meet you.

I'll be keeping a low profile. (CHUCKLES)

The important thing for you is that you feel that you're in a supportive environment.

Uh-huh.

We have found it useful in determining officers' reactions to incidents, to check through a few key indicators to ensure that you are fit to continue at the highest level.

Yeah, fine, go on.

Do you ever have thoughts that you would characterise as dark?

Mmm.

No.

Do you ever have feelings?

Er...

Oh, sorry. (CHUCKLES) Erm...

Do you ever have negative feelings that you find, erm, hard to control?

No.

Have you found, in the time since the incident, that you have increased your consumption of alcohol?

No.

Have you found your mind lingering on details of the incident?

Er, no.

Oh great, great. Er...

Well, unless there's anything else, that's all great.

You all right, mate?

Want a hug?

f*ck's sake!

You all right, ladies, been there long?

Oh, come on. (LAUGHING)

Clarkey: So what you heard?

TSG are meatheads, lunks and bullyboys?

The thick and stupid group?

No, no. (CHUCKLES)

Clarkey: Robbie!

We've got the camera with us today.

All right, mate?

Good to have you aboard.

All right.

Unless you did Motorway Cops.

You didn't do Motorway Cops, did you?

You didn't do that, did you?

Robbie: I f*cking hated that.

Lewis: We do not like the black rats.

We did not appreciate that programme.

Er...

No, that wasn't my outfit, guys.

(LAUGHING)

Look at him, he nearly shat himself.

No, I love Motorway Cops, I f*cking love that sh*t.

Nice, nice.

Just to clear one thing up, I think you might have mistaken me for a wet prick.

It's probably my fault, I might have wore the aftershave that let me smell like a wet prick.

How about I wash it off and we start over again, yeah?

And apparently there was an emergency vehicle collision on the way to the site.

Man: (ON TV) And these are real police dogs through and through.

Liz. Gentlemen.

Commissioner.

Commissioner.

Just thought I'd drop by and say hello.

And door's always open bollocks, but it is open.

Well, this was my door, but...

Okay, fair dos, your door is always open to me.

So, how are you settling in? Must be quite the culture shock, I imagine.

Actually my ex-partner's British.

Big Aston Villa supporter, poor guy.

Mmm, I actually meant from working for a website to a job where lives are on the line.

Oh, well, I haven't k*lled anyone yet, so, you know, you could be my first.

Yeah, well I'm close protection trained, so I doubt it.

Yeah? I might find a way through.

I doubt it.

Now, now, Charlie, it's only careers the media k*ll, not people.

Absolutely. You are the tough guys, I'm just the messenger girl.

Great. Well, this looks important.

And I understand you're letting Finn do the 8:30 this morning, but tomorrow, yes?

Yes, I will be there tomorrow.

Tom?

Well, I'm sure Finn's filled you in already, but we've got the Thai extradition flight, the Stockholm guys that could blow up with the SIS, the Kurdish demo which is a probable event, Yemen ambassador which we don't want anything on, plus the press conference with the mayor is a big one.

Yes, the mayor's already been raising his wiggy flag at a dig out this morning.

It's wonderful he's taking such an interest.

Shall we?

But we do need to make sure the commissioner gets his fair share of the g*n crime reduction pie.

Absolutely, one large slice of g*n crime reduction pie.

Next to Key Lime, it's my favourite pie.

Jerry.

Jerry!

Jerry: Yeah. All set? (CLEARS THROAT)

Police officer: Back, back, back, back!

Journalist 1: Has he been sh*t?

Journalist 2: What's going on?

I said move back, so move right back, right back.

Man: But I'm sure I heard a sh*t.

(SIRENS BLARING)

Move away from the station.

Move right back. Right back.

So if you're happy to sign off on the cut, these are the approval forms.

Sure.

You're sure you're happy with the plastic pigs reference in the dog squad ep?

I'm sorry, the what?

When the community support officers get called "plastic pigs".

They're cops, Finn, you know, human beings say things.

We're good.

Right.

Miles: And the voiceover.

As you know the voiceover is extremely pro-police.

I mean, I wouldn't say it's bias, but it is heavily anti-scrote.

(LAUGHING)

We're thinking Ray?

Winstone?

He has played cops.

Yeah, generally as something of a renegade.

We're hoping for Ray, but we're also touching base with Bacon and Theako.

Yeah.

f*ck! Is another one? Is that...

Did we know about that?

That's just coming down the pipe, we haven't had anything yet, apart from, this one's not fatal.

Garvey: Two...

Do you think there's a link?

A link?

Check out Sherlock Gnomes.

Get cr*cker a cr*cker!

Two sh**t in London in one day, not gonna blow anyone's noggin, Liz.

Sorry, gentlemen, we will pick this up later.

I'll get you signed off.

(MOBILE RINGING)

How are they looking?

Coward: Yeah, not great.

Jerry: Yeah? Grey out?

Yeah, two who think they're comedians, one possible character, but even he's not very f*cking warm.

Jerry: Well the dog guy didn't seem very warm, but he came out of the wash as a lovable rogue.

I know, it's just...

They're cops, you know, route one.

They're basically just very, very f*cking grumpy.

It's the cops, Matt, okay?

The problem with the cops is, it's full of cop types.

Just get yourself down the Embassy with them, bit of interaction with the public. Drama is conflict, yeah?

Bit of pomp and circumstance, but keep your story nose on that, okay?

Bit of scale.

Matt?

Solicitor burnt me a cheeky one.

Man: (ON VIDEO) Constable Collistor, could you just once again go over for us the exact chain of events that led to you f*ring on the suspect.

Are your fingers crossed, Warwick? (LAUGHING)

You f*cking rogue.

That's how my fingers go, mate.

Woman: (ON VIDEO) Would you describe the aiming of your w*apon as a warning, or was there an intent to fire?

Warwick: Well, I didn't know the suspect's w*apon was a replica, so the primary intention was to avoid my head being blown off from its shoulder attachment.

(LAUGHING)

Man: (ON VIDEO) So your discharge was an act of self-defence.

Warwick: Well, I wasn't just trying to show off I had a proper g*n and he didn't.

(LAUGHING)

It's a joke, mate.

I mean you do the job, soon as you do the job, you're in the dock like a nonce.

Yeah, well I've done my time, ain't I?

Two months at home going out of my nut.

Watching daytime TV and pulling yourself off, it's not exactly f*cking Helmand.

(LAUGHING)

Woman: (ON RADIO) Trojan 143, red BMW connected to Newham sh**ting spotted in the Wandsworth Road area, CAD 1384.

Yeah, we're on it.

Saddle up and pack the six sh**t, boys.

Pack the six sh**t?

Is that new?

Tony, that is pony.

Banjo, you let him go, mate.

What kind of demo do they call this?

I mean where are they all?

Apparently a coach broke down, it's still on the Harrow Road.

Oh yeah, sure.

f*cking timewasters.

So, as members of the Territorial Support Group, one of our specialisations is public order containment.

Our remit here is to contain any possible thr*at of v*olence.

We are the police, we are in charge, that is the message.

We are the daddies, we are the sheriffs of this town.

So what are your hopes for today?

Er, peaceful protest.

You hope for the best and plan for the worst.

And what's the worst thing that could happen today?

The worst? Er... I don't know.

Erm, violent demonstrators roaming the streets with bricks, loads of scaffolding pipe.

Watering cans full of petrol.

Yeah?

Yeah, that'll be f*cking brutal.

You get one of those up on a balcony, lighter, spraying down a rain of fire, f*cking third degree downpour. End of.

Robbie!

Lewis: Sorry, can't do that.

We can't allow you to attach that to street furniture.

A lamp post.

Street furniture's public property, it's not to be used as part of a private protest.

You can hold your banner up, that's fine.

Listen, he has warned you, now I'm warning you.

Step away from the lamp post!

Step away from the f*cking lamp post.

All right, steady on, Rob.

No! Now this is my lamp post, all right, this is not your lamp post, and if you try to attach anything else on my lamp post, I will verbally dominate you, all right?

Well, go, jog on.

Keep walking!

Mia: We're ready. Thank you.

Do you think people at the back are gonna be able to see me?

Oh, don't be worried about your height, it's not an issue.

I'm not worried about my height, apart from whether or not people at the back can see me, that's the only extent to which I'm worried about my height.

Well, you could stand on a chair.

I'm not standing on a f*cking swivel chair.

Well, I can hold the back.

No? Right.

Hi there. Hi.

Sorry, yes, the Yank is yanking you from your desks.

I just wanna say a few words about the department and where we might all be headed over the next few months.

I'm very passionate about this role.

I'm not afraid to say that I love coming to work, although that eight-hour wait to go home is a bitch.

(LAUGHING)

So, listen, just a couple of headlines.

The Met is engaged in a breakup.

We're dumping the journalists, and we're asking the public for a date instead.

She is so f*cked.

Garvey: The great thing about transparency...

What do you reckon she was doing at Instagram?

10 million black and white photos of people's lunch, one story a year.

Yeah, welcome to London.

300 languages, 200 embassies, 400 potential high-value moving targets, I'll give her six months and she's scrambled eggs.

I wanna reassure you.

I have no intention of ripping up all the good work of my predecessor.

Dennis Trafford did a lot of good things, as well as some things, obviously, that were of concern.

You were unlucky, mate.

No, the commissioner saw her TED Talk on 360 degree communication and his d*ck went on.

I will speak directly to you and we will speak directly to the public.

Look, I will be the first one to tell you...

Woman: (ON TV) As you can see, people are still visibly shaken.

Police on the ground are saying the victim, a man in his early 30s, d*ed at the scene, but want to assure...

(g*nsh*t)

Oh, f*ck me!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

That was... I wanna apologise for the expletive that just escaped.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Here's an idea.

Maybe the police shouldn't be doing r*cist banter.

(PHONES VIBRATING)

Maybe putting cameras in the vans is actually gonna be a part of the solution to the problem.

Hello?

Hi.

I do expect you to bring your full attention to this meeting.

Erm... I'm sorry, it's just that there's...

It's all right, there's news.

What?

Looks like another sh**ting in Uxbridge, a further one.

Okay.

I think we all need to find out exactly what's going on, so why don't we thank Liz...

(ALL APPLAUDING) ...and pick this up later today?

News channels are going mental.

Obviously, they're bears who hibernate 11 months out of the year and wake up when they hear the sound of sh**ting.

Twitter thinks Mumbai is happening again.

Some comedian said it was Tim Henman.

Her South Korean wires picked it up and now it's getting reported back on gossip sites as a possibility.

Impossible, Henman could never hit three in a row.

(SCOFFS)

All right, not enough information for anything from us, just the vanilla, out of the borough commands.

Right.

Er, your call obviously, but you might wanna let the press have, off the record, the red beamer or something more...

I am not pumping unattributable horse sh*t into this situation.

We are not saying something until we know something.

Right.

You'll action the inaction.

Full, no speed.

Er, listen, just so you know, about Finn, he's bitter.

That's fine.

Finn and Trafford came up the ranks together until he hit the arse ceiling.

It's the ceiling where you can't get promoted any higher 'cause everyone thinks you're an arsehole.

(SCOFFS)

Man: (ON TV) Sky sources are telling me that these sh**t could be linked.

However, Scotland Yard is still to make a statement of any kind.

Ashish Joshi, Sky News.

Warwick: So what have I missed?

What has he missed?

Bucket loads of bullshit.

We had Baker posted with us for a week.

Very boring gentleman, Mr Baker.

The thing with you is, Warwick, yes, you do sh**t unarmed members of the public, but that is interesting.

(LAUGHING)

Man: (ON RADIO) Trojan 1. 7, Trojan 1. 7, fatal sh**ting Uxbridge Station, PCSO officer down, CAD 5732.

Jesus.

What's that, Hillingdon borough?

f*ck!

Two words, cop k*ller.

Two more, bye-bye.

Okay, so now there's talk of a cover-up on the sh**t.

There is no cover-up.

Miller: Well, obviously I know there's no cover-up because, if there was a cover-up, I'd be covering it up.

See the news media's like a crocodile, if you don't throw them a piece of meat, they tend to go a bit nuts.

And then if you do throw them a piece of meat, they also tend to go a bit nuts.

What we need to do is just tell them the truth.

Which is?

The intel we have is mixed, but, as yet, the facts don't yet suggest the sh**t are linked.

Don't yet...

And is the truth...

Is that true?

That is our current position based on the facts we have in front of us at the moment.

Okay.

And if pressed, is there anything, if pressed, offline?

(PHONE RINGING)

It would be great for me to get a sense of where you think this is going.

That is the current position based on the facts we have in front of us at the moment.

Mayor's office checking on a press conference.

There's no way you're going into a g*n crime press conference in the middle of all this, right?

Whatever this is, no, my advice would be no.

Hi, Patrick?

Yeah, we think we should float the possibility of cancelling today's press conference due to the unfolding situation.

Okay.

One moment.

The mayor's office are saying they completely understand and they're happy to go ahead without you.

Tell them our advice is that it might not be wise to go ahead at all due to the developing situation.

Hi, yes, Patrick?

Our advice that we're giving is that it might not be wise to go ahead at all due to the developing situation.

Okay, I'll tell 'em.

They say they completely understand your position, but they're keen to go ahead at this time.

Well, I'm sure the mayor will remember who's due the credit for the nice g*n numbers.

Well, he's a generous man and I'm very, very fond of him.

Do you want me to reach out to them?

No.

Sonya? I have an appointment with my physio in an hour, probably best to cancel it, thank you.

Gluten-free.

So we haven't yet spoken to the Uxbridge PCSO's husband?

I just wanna be sure...

It was a PCSO?

Jesus, Tom, why didn't I know?

I...

Everyone knows.

Thought... Thought you knew.

Yes, well, everyone might know, but I don't actually know unless someone f*cking tells me!

I can draft something, or do you want me to use a few words from your...

Have they done the knock?

No, it's only just triple confirmed now.

I should do it.

I'll do it.

From a presentational perspective, I don't think you need to be the one to deliver the death message.

And operationally...

I will be contactable.

She was a police officer k*lled in the line of duty.

I'm doing it.

(PROTESTORS SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

So, er, are they for or against?

Kurds.

For.

Well, for Kurds, against Turkey, but for themselves, you know, they want Kurdistan.

Yeah?

Well, why shouldn't they have Kurdistan?

I mean they can have Kurdistan and I can have f*cking Robbiestan.

(LAUGHING) I mean there's plenty of spare Stans knocking around.

Oi, Stan?

What?

Are you going spare?

They need a Stan.

f*ck off, mate.

(LAUGHING)

Robbie: Look at this, I mean, you have gotta be kidding me.

I mean these guys are absolute jokers.

I mean how they gonna get Kurdistan if they won't put their backs into it?

I mean if I was them, I'd be coming at me like, "Oi, give me f*cking Kurdistan!"

And what would you do if you were you and you were coming at you?

If I was them?

Coming at me?

Well, I'd be tooled up, wouldn't I?

I'd have a crash helmet and a petrol b*mb, that is the only way.

You reckon?

Well, it works, don't it?

This bucket of slops. I mean...

They not gonna get on the news, they're not gonna get Kurdistan.

But, right?

If they put themselves about a bit, suddenly you're like, f*cking hell, maybe we'd better give 'em a bit of Kurdistan and then they'll calm down a bit, do you know what I mean?

Just heard a PCSO's been sh*t in Uxbridge.

Seriously?

Yeah.

How many holes do you have to put in a plastic pig to, er...

If plastic pigs were inflatable, right...

The light on that is blinking like mad.

No, no, no, it's definitely going flat.

It's definitely going flat.

Shut the f*ck up, Robbie.

All right.

Man: (ON RADIO) Everyone who was part of Tiberius and the SCO light tea deserves the credit for today's announcement.

The fact that firearms related homicides have fallen by eight percent.

But, nine percent, and Kn*fe crime's down eight percent... Actually.

Man: (ON RADIO) Proved that I was right to support this initiative from the very beginning.

Oh, you supported the initiative from the very beginning, did you?

That's why you tried to screw us on ring fencing for the first six months.

God, if we sh*t him, he'd claim he was doing valuable work taking a b*llet out of circulation.

Oliver: We're here, Commissioner.

No, it's okay.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(CHILD YELLS INDISTINCTLY)

You're Richard Miller.

Sorry, of course, you know you're Richard Miller.

Hello, Mr Lovett. Can I come in, please?

Wow, yeah, er, this is a...

I'm afraid Fiona's not in right now, she's on duty, but...

I'm very, very sorry.

Tony: Oh.

Here we go, boys, worth a tug.

Visual contact, we've got eyes on a red BMW, blacked out windows.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Have they pinged us?

Yeah, I think they f*cking pinged us.

(SIRENS BLARING)

Get the fives out, mate.

Here we go.

Condition two.

Stop!

Covering!

Moving!

Armed police! Get out of the car or we'll sh**t!

Put your keys on the roof of the car for me.

Keys on the roof! Step out of the car now!

Drop your w*apon now!

I haven't got a w*apon, I've got a blim, and I've got a soldier on the go, and I've got an eighth of hash back at the house.

Woman: It's just a blim. I've just got a blim.

Nothing doing. Joker.

Rosie, get back in the car now!

Now, get back in!

Listen, madam, just wanna say sorry and apologise for any distress that has been caused to you by this incident today.

We're gonna give you some phone numbers to call and explain why we've drawn our weapons...

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(GRUNTS)

Clarkey: Course, the thing about the Mongols is, they destroyed everything in their path.

Okay, they weren't cool like the Romans, they didn't build any aqueducts or viaducts, but you put a Roman legion up against a Mongol horde, Mongols'd win every time.

Right, brilliant.

Apparently, PCSO was fatal.

sh*t.

Ooh, if this goes GTA I hope we get a piece of it.

So, guys, what do you think about Robbie's application for firearms training?

Yeah, exciting.

Big opportunity.

Our loss, their gain.

Think he's got what it takes?

It's all about control, isn't it?

You've gotta be in control.

Clarkey: I mean you can't always be in control in this job.

If someone comes for you, you need to be able to lose it.

But, erm, when Robbie loses it, he's still in control.

Robbie: Look at that! They fixed their coach.

Let's do this!

Sorry, mate, you lot better head for bed 'cause you missed your slot.

Yeah, we're here for the protest.

Our coach broke down.

Sorry, pal, your static demonstration permit was from 2:00 till 5:00.

Show's over.

Are you kidding me?

We've been stuck here for hours.

We've came here to march.

No marching.

Static demonstration.

Robbie: You start marching, you're going straight in the van.

It's a free country.

Yeah?

And you're free to naff off.

Go on, mate, get 'em out of here before they get themselves into trouble.

sh*t bag! (SPITTING)

You f*cking dirty...

Come on, mate. That was well out of order.

No more of that, mate. All right?

Wagons roll.

Get 'em out of here, before you get yourself a ticket.

Clarkey: Ooh!

Gob on me, sir. I don't mind.

Public spittoon.

Lose your nuts, did you? Didn't fancy the odds?

You could have vanned him for that. as*ault.

Miller: So, where are we with forensics?

Well, we have an initial weapons match and this is, they won't stand behind this, this is me pushing them 'cause they want more time.

But when I put them on the spot, and said "g*n to their head..."

They said, "What sort of g*n?"

Exactly.

They suspect a sh**t-bang-bang g*n.

Off the record, these b*ll*ts are all from the same 5.56 r*fle, possibly an M4 clone.

Jesus, we need to grab our nuts.

Yeah, also we have a CCTV match of potential sightings, the same white Vauxhall van.

Oh, so the beamer rumour was bullocks?

Shouldn't even have heard the beamer rumour.

Commissioner, I don't know if you saw the mayor's speech.

No.

Lot of other stuff going, but I wonder if you want me to put out a corrective statement.

The mayor didn't mention you once.

That's fine.

It's fine.

Everything's gonna be the sh**t.

Can we just make sure that the rumour mill grinds as slowly and quietly as possible, okay?

Yes, Commissioner.

Gentlemen, sorry to keep you waiting, just to say in light of today's events we're actually gonna pull the plastic pigs reference.

Today's?

We lost a community support officer in the sh**t.

Oh, yeah?

I mean, because it does pay off that whole chase sequence.

I mean, if we lose that, then all we've got to go out on is the roll of underlay on the North Circular.

We're sorry for your loss.

Finn: I think it's the right decision, Liz.

We're all for transparency within limits.

The situation has changed and my decision has changed to reflect the situation.

Of course, of course. No one's saying you were wrong.

You were right before, and you're right now.

Two opposite rights.

Look, Liz, can we just sign off?

Because the cut is locked and by the time this goes out...

Miles: Transmission's not for two months.

Six weeks.

Well, two months is not six weeks.

No.

No, sure.

Yeah.

But basically...

No one will even remember.

Miles: Tragically.

Probably.

Can we just get a holding sign off? So you sign it off...

A holding sign off?

Is that made up?

Yes, it's made up.

Yep.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Lewis: He took that gob pretty well.

Yeah, it's hard to take a gob.

Gob on the face, condom full of wallpaper paste, sh*t in a paper bag.

Those are the big three.

I might email a thumbs up, yeah?

Yeah.

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

(SIGHS) All right?

All right.

New personality questionnaire for armed training.

But I hacked it.

Got the right answers off a website.

Okay. The right answers?

And how different would your real answers be, mate?

I don't know.

Lots would be the same, but then there's what you actually think, right?

All the murk and f*cking dirt, and then there's what they expect you to say, that's another trap.

So then there's a level of what you actually put.

"I do not mind being interrupted "when I am concentrating on a task."

That's not on here.

What would you say?

Well, do you?

What, really?

Yeah.

Well, I f*cking hate it.

But they know you f*cking hate it, and they also know if you put agree strongly then you're a bullshitter.

So the right answer is agree moderately. (CHUCKLES)

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

Er, yes, there was an emergency vehicle collision, but the officer driving wasn't to blame.

There will be a full investigation in coordination with the ambulance service, and we'll have more details at that point.

Look, if you're pushing me, I can go off the record.

Would you like the "off the record" situation?

Er, the ambulance driver was at the end of a long shift, a very long shift, he was of Somali origin and they do chew the stimulant, khat.

Whether this driver was or not I can't say right now.

Anything?

Nothing new.

I mean everyone's saying it's the same guy.

Everyone?

That's what everyone says, but no one's said it, but apparently they know.

They know, but we don't know?

Well, you know, everyone knows.

Everyone, but no one will actually say it, so we can't, you know, say.

Finn: Hi, Rob, Finn Kirkwood, Scotland Yard.

I've got an exclusive for The Mirror, off the record, on g*ns.

The mayor, yeah.

Glory hunting.

Yeah, yep.

We have an idea he cockblocks us, but as soon as any credit walks into the bar he wants to bang it.

(LAUGHS) Yeah.

Yeah, seriously, I mean I'll let you have the numbers.

Right.

Er, listen, obviously this is so far off the record, even I don't know I'm saying it.

Yeah.

Yeah, seriously, I'm, I'm sleep talking.

Any minute now I'm gonna wake up and be very peed off with myself.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(BALLOON POPPING)

(GIRL SCREAMS)

(MUFFLED g*nsh*t)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

sh*t, somebody's been sh*t!

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Got another one. Fatal.

Oh, Jesus! Where?

Ealing.

What do we have?

Male, dead, nothing else yet.

I want the raw details on this as it goes to Gold Control.

Sir.

I need you to update City Hall and Number 10, and, er, we need to review what we've been doing up until this point.

And I want it made clear that the commissioner perceived this as an immediate thr*at, as soon as that was a possibility.

Another one's gone down.

Garvey: Oh, sh*t!

What another, another?

f*ck! Lockdown?

Well...

Or did you see Adeel?

No.

Adeel just said...

Is yours a new, new one?

Garvey: Where was it?

Acton.

Acton? This is a spree, they're accelerating.

Looks like a potential long range sh*t again.

Same MO.

Ealing or Acton or both?

I don't...

Another one's gone down.

Mia: Acton, male, 17:08.

Well, mine's male 17:08.

Is this the same? Is it three or four?

Mia: Four or five, you mean.

Who's yours from?

Straight from Control Room. We expedited it.

'Cause this came through Sue for special attention.

It's one new victim, one.

Ah!

We're on four.

Okay.

Good, right. (STAMMERS)

Things are calming down, that's good.

Four is so much better than five.

That's true actually, I mean five sounds like half of 10, whereas four is nearer to two.

Garvey: We need to take control.

We need to tell people everything, including what we don't know.

Apparently, everyone here knows that the sh**t are the same guy.

I do not know that, that has not been confirmed to me.

Tom, you two, out.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Look, Liz.

If I say there's a sn*per on the rampage and there isn't, the city will shut down and I'll get crucified...

Yes, but if there is... ...and then taken down and stabbed.

And then propped up at a select committee and buried under bullshit from MPs grandstanding three months after the last blue light's gone out, who'd lock themselves in their downstairs toilet and call us out if one lad in a hoodie turned up at their daughter's 18th.

And then, I'll get dragged through the papers and stabbed again.

Charlie: Up the arse.

No need to be disgusting, Charlie.

Look, at this point, we need to face telling people where we're at.

(AMBULANCE SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE)

Yes, okay.

Okay.

You.

Is it best if it's me?

Every resource we have is being deployed, that's the message.

We are flooding the streets with vehicles and officers.

(MOBILE VIBRATING)

Home Secretary.

All senior officers are focused on the task in hand, that's the message.

I trust you, Liz.

Home Secretary.

Garvey: Did you liaise with psychological profiling?

I don't wanna say a key word that makes them go crazy.

No. No, we're good.

Er, are you okay?

I mean he's gone pretty f*cking crazy already I guess.

Liz? Pull her out of there, I need to give her an update.

What?

Hi, Finn.

Hi.

Mia.

Hi.

Ballistics report's been leaked and it's the same w*apon, a sn*per r*fle, definitely a single sh**t.

Gold Control are planning to ask Richard for a city lockdown, plan Geneva.

Right.

Okay.

Er, we're not telling her.

What?

Planning to ask, no, we have a cut-off point for what she knows and we're beyond it.

This changes everything.

Exactly, that's the last thing we need.

It doesn't hold.

Well it used to hold, and I'm holding back time.

You can't hold back time, you're not f*cking Michael J. Fox or L'Oreal.

She can't know everything.

Well, she should know this.

No, I'm protecting her from that, that's unnecessary knowledge at this point.

Announce a lockdown?

She'll get m*rder*d.

That's huge.

That's Richard.

Okay, you ready?

Cameraman: Ready.

Mia: All good?

Just one thing.

Yeah.

Don't put out poison against the ambulance service, okay?

Oh, right.

It doesn't look good.

You don't spin against Mother Teresa, even if she is a smacked out prick.

Right. I just thought protecting our own.

I know this is a weird time to reprimand you.

No, it's fine.

I just need to reprimand you quickly so...

You're reprimanded, okay?

Okay.

And now, we're over that, okay?

Er, yes.

And tell them no more filming on the documentary, we are gonna pull cooperation from those TV pricks until they fall into line.

Er, ladies and gentlemen, Liz Garvey, Director of Communications.

Reporters: Liz! Liz! Liz!

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

Intel, intel. All the fatals have been at tube stations.

They've got that?

Yeah, that's him.

The two have been near Holland & Barrett.

Shall we pick that up?

I don't know.

No, it's not gonna be Holland & Barrett related, is it?

Well, no. No, but...

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

Er...

Just to say, two of the sh**t were near health food stores.

Holland & Barrett.

Uh-huh. Right, and?

We just thought you should be aware.

Thank you.

Just in case it becomes significant.

Once we have that...

(SIGHS)

Bollocks!

I'm glad we said it though, just in case.

Best to put it into the cooking pot.

Thank you very much, everyone, that's as much as we have time for.

Yes, one last.

Yeah, we're hearing that your own ballistics say that the same w*apon was used in all the incidents.

Journalist: Can you comment? Is that the case?

That is not the case according to the information I have at this moment.

You'll understand if I wrap it up there. Thank you, everyone.

Did you know about that?

Is someone confirming it's the same guy?

We only just know.

I thought it was best for you not to know, but now you know.

Okay, good. No, it was so great not knowing.

Good call.

Thank you.

Er, it's Patrick, the mayor's office, he wants to know why you were spinning against the mayor.

Tell him I don't know what he's talking about.

Hi, Pat, yeah, Liz doesn't know what you're talking about.

He says, "Like f*ck you don't!"

The Mirror journalist let him know, off the record, Scotland Yard had briefed Tiberius was all us and the mayor resisted.

Tell him to tuck his d*ck up his ass and fill himself with piss, 'cause I don't have time for this sh*t.

Oh.

Hi...

Dave.

Dave, good to see you.

Hi, Pat, yeah, we're gonna have to get back to you on that.

Give us a couple of minutes.

TV reporter: Believe it or not, this is rush hour.

Normally there would be throngs of people passing through, but certainly here at Cannon Street Station...

The Metropolitan Police haven't issued any official warning to London beyond the standard "Stay alert and report anything suspicious. "

(g*nsh*t)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

TV reporter: Those who have come to work might find their journey home a little less crowded than usual.

Juliet Mann in the city.

Finn: Liz, just breaking.

We've got him.

We're in pursuit to Herne Hill, or Forest Hill, one of the hills.

Yeah, why'd you go behind my back to The Mirror?

What?

Briefing against the mayor and Tiberius.

I didn't.

f*ck off!

The Mirror? I've done some digging.

Liz, sometimes it makes sense to do things on the quiet.

So I'm taking that as an admission and the act as insubordination.

You lied to me and I'm dismissing you.

What?

You tried to f*ck me and I'm not having it.

Liz.

I'm serious. You can f*ck off.

You can't fire your number two on your first day.

Yes, I can.

What, in the middle of a f*cking k*lling spree? How's that gonna play?

You're going to Tr*mp this crisis by kicking off a new one?

Nobody noticed yesterday's mass m*rder because the Met's new head of comms chopped her deputy's cock off in Whitehall.

Very funny.

You're funny.

You have until 6:00 to clean out your desk.

(CHUCKLES)

(SIREN BLARING)

Franklin: Looks like he's pulled up.

Two ARVs are there.

There's going to be 15 for CTSFO.

Can we get any kind of visuals in here, real time?

They're sticking a drone up.

Oh, any idea on the state of mind or target choices?

He came up from Brighton taking out randoms.

Yeah, best guess is this is a cry for attention from his ex.

Yes, well, good plan.

To some extent his plan is working.

Sir.

What's wrong with going on The X Factor, eh?

Garvey: Commissioner?

I just thought you should know, it looks like the target has a Twitter account.

Excuse me?

The guy they think is the sh**t, he's been tweeting.

Username, DoctorTeeth2.

Doctor Teeth?

Is this significant?

It's from The Muppets.

Doctor Teeth is the keyboard player from The Muppets.

Probably not significant.

What's he been saying?

Well, rambling, lots directed to his ex, lot of replies to Russell Brand.

Is he making demands?

It's mostly emoticons.

Who else has picked up on this?

We've not confirmed the name, so no established media, but it's starting to get traction.

His buddies and rumours.

So shut it down.

Shut it down?

Hmm.

Twitter?

The whole Internet? 'Cause I don't know where the switch is.

You can talk to them about the account.

No.

What if people start liking him?

Yeah, I guess the fact that he sh*t all these innocent people would be a factor in whether or not people like him.

Liz, we need to take control, we need to be practical.

There are officers out there, that is a reality.

You can't take control, that is the reality.

Put your d*ck in the dike and you're just gonna look like a jerk as the flood waters pour over.

I can spend my time trying to pull his feed while he gets reposted a million other places, or I can put out the facts, confirm the name and we become a trusted source.

You're communications, your call.

Thank you.

(MOBILE RINGING)

Man: Uh-huh.

Hi, yeah, it's Finn.

Look, I know you're busy, but I need a favour.

Right.

She got my balls in a vice.

Mmm-hmm.

I just need something on her.

Okay, I'll get back to you.

Wakey! Wakey!

Okay, overtime. Who wants a piece of the action?

Multiple sh**t, not very pleasant, vehicle searches, road blocks.

First half hour's for the Queen, then it's overtime a go-go.

I'll take him down.

Tosser with a g*n, it's just a overtime fairy to me.

Ker-ching! My dad yomped all the way into Port Stanley.

I think I can van it over to Wandsworth or whatever.

Thing is I've got people coming round. I'm doing fish curry.

I bought the ingredients. I've got a bag of f*cking fish like a coal sack.

Lewis: Freeze it. Mince it.

Clarkey: Mince fish? (LAUGHS) You having a joke?

Oh, come on, proper nut job on the loose?

Lewis: Yeah, come on.

Ah, go on then, f*ck the curry.

(CHEERING)

If my missus asks, there was no choice, right?

Yeah, I'm up for it.

You don't get a vote.

Ah, come on, guys, I'm part of the team, I've got a nickname, haven't I?

f*ck off, that's your nickname.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Yeah, sorry, mate, that's the other thing. It's a cut, Spielberg.

What?

It's time for you to naff off, mate, I'm afraid.

But why?

Ours is not to reason why, ours is just to make skunks cry.

But it's all kicking off, this is getting amazing.

Sorry, pal, got the stone tablet from on top of the mountain.

Go back.

Get parted with it.

All right, and take your sh*t with you.

Come on, guys! Come on, guys!

We're tight, we're a team, you know, yeah?

Can I just talk to your super...

Talk to who you like, we're Foxtrot Oscar.

Ta-rah!

See you later, brother.

Come on, Stan, let's get out of this sh*thole.

Bye!

(SIREN BLARING)

Officer: Governor? What's the situation?

Reckon he entered number 51. Containment till I hear otherwise.

Could be hostages, could be anything.

I'm on to Gold, you guys cover Black. One, two and three.

Man: (ON RADIO) Trojan 1 to Gold Control.

Trojan 1 to Gold Control.

What's happening? Give us an update.

Yeah, he's inside a property.

Could be hostages, could be anything.

Is there any intel for me? Should we follow?

I'm going green.

Man: (ON RADIO) Warwick? You set?

Set.

Officer: Move back, back behind the cordon. Keep moving.

Robbie: Yes, man!

Let's do it!

Clarkey: Yeah, we're on the bottom of Westfield Park now.

Yeah, he's taping the road off.

Yeah, okay. Got you.

Okay.

(CHUCKLES)

The tactical commander wants authorisation to go in.

(CHIMING)

You want to go?

Can you see me? I can try a Skype connection.

Should we go in after him?

Do you think you should go?

Have you tried Face Time? This is a shitty connection.

Look, if you get settled, it's target rich from up there.

We're on the brow of a hill.

Charlie: What kind of hill?

Well it's not massive. But, erm...

How long to clear the immediate area?

Er, 20 minutes, but even then he could pick people off.

So how far? To what distance?

Look, I don't know.

Er...

Can you see that?

How far is over there?

Over where?

Over there to where we can't see. To the flats over there, the flats.

Erm, a mile.

(SIREN BLARING)

We're estimating a mile, sir.

What are you minded to do?

I'm minded to ask you for direction.

Uh-huh.

Look, if we don't go in, he could take pot-sh*ts, but if we do, then obviously there's a risk 'cause we don't know what's in there.

Okay.

Charlie: Okay.

I need Gold direction, sir.

Okay.

We will give it to you.

Good.

What is it?

You'll be given direction...

(BUZZING)

Bollocks!

Hey!

Let's light it up.

Search light?

Get visuals.

Is that Trojan 157? Are they advanced?

Tell Trojan 157 they have authorisation to act as they see fit until we have strategic direction from Gold as to what the interpretation of the situation is.

(g*n COCKS)

Garvey: How many followers?

203, but I think one of his mates has clocked it might be him, so it's rocketing.

What does that mean?

His spelling is horrible.

Well, I suppose he's got other priorities.

Tactical commander wants to know whether to go.

What is that?

Who's that?

It's... It's Sharon.

I don't know.

What's the advice?

You have authorisation to act as you see fit until we have strategic direction from Gold as to what the interpretation of the situation is.

That's the advice?

Yeah, until there's new advice.

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

Sorry, sir, it's not safe for you to go up there right now.

Seriously.

Really?

Well how long?

Could be five minutes, could be three days, apologies.

It's right there.

Look, seriously, mate, I'm just gonna nip home, all right? English law.

Oi! Hold on, pal. Cool it.

Why don't you go have a cup of tea and a wank?

I live there.

Look, it's on my head. I'll just go, you didn't see me.

Yeah? I'm gonna have to ask you to step away.

Listen, it's my house which I own, and I wanna get to my house, all right, boss?

Yeah? Is this guy having a laugh or something?

Oi!

Rob, leave it, he's safe, he's not gonna...

Come here!

Oh, Jesus!

Get down!

(BOTH GRUNT)

Robbie: Stay down, I saved you. I f*cking saved you, you dickhead.

Whose house is it now, eh?

Whose house?

Yeah.

Miller: And the assessment we have is that he has a field of fire cleared for a mile?

Charlie: That's correct.

Are those crisps gluten-free?

Miller: And what's your view on the time before we can clear the one-mile radius?

Can we get some gluten-free snacks for the commissioner?

Charlie: 20 minutes for the immediate area, so the, say, er...

40 minutes for a larger area.

Well you have the facts, with my informal assessment, I would hold an intervention, see how it plays out.

Is that the house?

I... I... (SIGHS)

I think Pom-Bear are gluten-free.

Pom-Bear?

Mmm.

Well, 1934...

That should be "hold off an intervention," not "hold".

That's your strategy, not tactics.

Oh, yeah, sorry, Commissioner.

I mean, technically, I'm not even here.

Can you get Hopwood?

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

(PHONE DIALLING)

Okay, great.

Okay, it's him.

Confirm the name to the media and let them know that we know that he has a Twitter handle.

LMFAO.

He's tweeted LMFAO 16 times.

Sat on his phone?

Or is this guy on the spectrum?

Well, there is background.

Intel is he's had a lot of contact with mental health.

Do we definitely want to live tweet the execution of a...

Well, not a ret*rd, but...

We're not hiding.

Release it.

Mia: Mike, it's Mia.

Okay. He's got a Twitter handle.

It's DoctorTeeth2.

(MOBILE BEEPS)

Intel update.

Okay, we want you to play the waiting game.

Intel is, this might be his ex's place.

Okay, fine, fine, understood.

Garvey: sh*t!

At least he spelt it properly.

(GARVEY SIGHS)

So it doesn't look so...

I mean, it could be worse.

Garvey: Yeah?

Not really.

Unless he rips off a mask to reveal he's actually an eight year old.

Man: (WHISPERS) Hey!

I reckon I saw a muzzle at white window three.

What do you think?

I think he's a f*cking sh**t.

He likes sh**ting.

I think before he gets set up, we go in.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're going in.

We're in.

Trojan 157, we're taking emergency action.

Cover, on me.

What are they doing?

Are they moving in? What's the intel?

Charlie: What's happening now, Trojan 1?

Officer: Maybe they're taking their positions.

No, no, no, that's a proactive...

(g*nsh*t)

Man: (ON RADIO) Warwick, you all right?

That was...

Was that us?

That was him.

Charlie: Trojan 1, what's the situation?

Yeah, look, we're going in.

I think we're going in.

You think you're going in?

We are going in, are we?

They think they're going in. No.

Don't go in.

Commissioner.

Charlie: Oh, he might have sh*t.

Who sh*t? Can we clarify before we go in?

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Police! Armed police!

Move, move, move!

Pull back! I don't want to go in there.

We are going in. We have gone in.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTS)

(MUFFLED SHOUTING)

Man 1: (MUFFLED) Don't move! Don't move! Don't move!

Man 2: sh*t, he's gone through the wall.

He's next door. I repeat, he's next door, in the next house.

He's out.

Man: (ON RADIO) He's out the back, in the garden, turning towards Black Green.

Warwick, he's out Black Green, mate.

Warwick, you want it?

Man: (ON RADIO) He's on his way to you.

Warwick, can you see him?

I've got him.

(g*nshots)

(LEWIS SCREAMS)

(g*nsh*t)

Police: Put the g*n down!

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Officer 1: Police!

Officer 2: Put the g*n down!

(g*nshots)

Man: (ON RADIO) Man down, man down.

One dead.

TSG.

f*cking hell, it's her hand.

f*cking hand.

(GROANS)

Get her out of here.

No, sh**t's dead, one TSG hit by a ricochet, it's just a flesh wound.

Thank God.

(APPLAUDING)

Please send my congratulations on a good job well done with supreme professionalism.

Commissioner wants to send his personal thanks for a good job, well done.

You all right?

What happened?

Thought I could, but I couldn't get a clear sight.

Right.

I made the call, I had to make the call.

Sure, mate.

Is that your frying pan hand then?

Hope your old man knows how to fry his own chips.

Apparently I'm gonna lose it.

Although I...

I think I can feel something coming back.

(BOTH LAUGH)

It's a miracle.

Garvey: I think it was perfectly clear.

The guys on the ground kept in constant contact, you were kept abreast of the operation, and you made key interventions.

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, it was a mess.

So you know, I do know.

It was handled with supreme professionalism.

And, er, the PCSO thing.

Yes.

I just wanted to say that I thought, on a personal level, that was a very decent thing to do.

Thank you.

And sorry your first day was such a fucker.

That's a technical term.

Exciting though, eh?

It was exciting.

Garvey: Front page.

Miller: Mmm, yeah.

Doesn't look great, eh?

Yeah, well, transparency.

I actually believe in it.

That's my flag.

You don't set fire to your flag at the first sign of trouble.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We could have buried it.

I could have got you to the easy win today, then it trickles out and you're f*cked tomorrow.

Trust this is a new game and we are playing for keeps.

And so would you say you fired Finn today?

(LAUGHS)

It's a bit of a grey area really.

But overall, yeah, I fired him.

Fine, understood.

But just so you know, the pub across the road, The Two Chairmen, it does horrible pies.

Yeah?

Great tip, boss.

Maybe you'd like to share one?

Finn loves those grey pies.

Good night, Liz.

Finn: He's doing you a favour.

You sack me, you're gonna look like a liability.

You're the liability.

And what if I did leak that story?

What if he told me to?

Did he?

He didn't need to.

You should have told me.

There wasn't time to tell you.

Was there time to have lunch?

Was there time to take a piss?

Was there time to adjust your sweaty ball sack?

I talc my sack.

You need me.

I need you gone.

You need me, because everyone around here knows what Richard paid to poach you.

What?

Yeah.

Yeah, I know about the special pay grade and the bump that doesn't have to go public.

Whatever remuneration package I may or may not be receiving has no bearing.

Just remember, Liz, open communication channels, transparency.

Anyone you talk to, senior or junior, when they're looking at you what they really see is 250k plus tattooed across your face, and they're subtracting whatever it is they earn and coming out with a sum which works out at roughly...

f*ck me, really?

That's where I come in.

You get up late, have a wheat free f*cking bagel in your gold helicopter and I'm the ground crew.

Oi, geezer, do us a solid, yeah?

So...

Still want me to clear my desk?

Garvey: A 24/7 world requires 360 degrees of communication, so you have to ask yourself, are you North or South Korea?

The most informationally defended nation in the world, or the most networked?

Personally, I'm eating my kimchi in central Seoul.

(PEOPLE SPEAKING)

Oi.

We are the police. We are in charge.

f*ck off!

That is the message.

f*cking hell! f*cking time-wasters.

f*cking hell!

Step away from the f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*cking lamp post.

f*ck! f*ck! f*ck off! Well, I'd be tooled up, wouldn't I?

I will verbally dominate you.

I'd have a crash helmet and a petrol b*mb.

Oh, come on. Proper nutjob on the loose, what?

Give me f*cking Kurdistan!

If this goes GTA, I hope we get a piece of it. f*cking hell!

Maybe we better give them a bit of Kurdistan and then they'll calm down. Do you know what I mean?

f*cking third-degree downpour. End of.

We are the daddies, we are the sheriffs of this town.

f*ck off!

That is the message.