05x02 - The sh*t Puppets

[bunniefuu]

(dog barking)

I smoke a lot of dope and I get drunk.

There's nothing wrong with that. And I like to sleep in.

There's nothing wrong with f*cking that, either.

Then Julian comes along, decides he's gonna wake me up.

Throws all this sh*t off my f*cking car.

(crashing noise)

What the f*ck are you doing, man?

Get up, Ricky. I'm going to the store.

I need to borrow your car, bud.

f*ck off, Julian.

I'm trying to sleep in. I'm taking the day off.

Rick, I need your car and your g*n, alright? Get up., I'm sick of looking after everybody. I mean, right now everyone's at my dad's place. f*cking using my car.

Now he's borrowing my f*cking g*n.

That's bullshit. If he think she's better than me, he wants to go down and take care of himself, well, good, 'cause I don't wanna look after him anymore.

I wanna look after myself.

When he gets back here, he's gonna see who f*cking looks after who better than the other person If I wanna sleep in a bit, I'm not gonna get up and go right to work.

Bubbles is, like, "Help me clean these bottles out of my shed. " Sure. Let me f*cking sleep in first., Just a sec, Bubs, I need about 10 more minutes buddy. Oh... f*ck.

Julian's probably right. I'm f*cking ashamed I slept in that long. I should've been up at the cr*ck of dawn, working on carts or at least getting those bottles out of my shed I gotta do something here, 'cause I've never been this f*cking hungry in my life It's not just me I'm worried about, it's my kitties.

I got them eating f*cking old bug carcasses and drinking out of puddles. (sighing)

It's a terrible situation.

(music)

Hey, Dad!

Hey. What are you up to?

I came to take these bottles. Grampa said I could have them.

He did? Are you sure about that?

He told me he was taking them back.

That's what I just said. I'm taking them back for him Careful with all those bottles, honey.

I'll be back for the rest.

Bubbles, I mean, you gotta admit, I look after Julian more than he looks after me.

I can take care of myself, right?

Julian, what's up?

Move. Hurry up.

What the f*ck do you think you're doing, Julian?

Put them back inside right now.

Get in the car, boys.

Hello? Excuse me. Trevor, over here.

Get in the car. Listen, they f*cked us over, so now they're gonna work for me until their debt's paid, Sarah Get in the car.

Now look what you did.

You and Ricky are gonna f*ck them over just like you always do!

Sarah, you've got the wrong idea.

C'mere for a second.

Listen, these guys are gonna be working for me, not Ricky, okay?

He's got nothing to do with this.

Just give me a sec?

I just wanna teach them how to think and not be so stupid all the time, okay?

You serious?

Have these guys ever gone to jail while under my supervision?

No, never. They haven't. I care about these guys., It's fine if Julian takes them for an afternoon or whatever as long as he treats them properly No chips off the floor of the car., You gotta feed them and if you're gonna leave them cr*ck a window and give them water, alright Promise?

Promise.

Okay, you can have them for the afternoon.

I just wanna set the record straight.

Everybody has the wrong idea about me and Corey and Trevor.

I'm not banging them, I don't wanna marry them, I'm not their girlfriend.

I'm trying to look out for them. Which is what they need.

When they go out with Ricky and Julian, what happens?

They come home crying, dehydrated, mysterious wounds, they won't tell me what happened 'cause they're scared to death of those guys.

See Trin, this is the chain technique here.

You can get two carts going at once.

(bottle rattling) (groaning)

There you go.

Bye, Bub!

Be careful. Ricky, where are you going now Gotta borrow a couple of carts, bud.

Go over to J-Roc's. Those guys f*cked us around so bad. We go to jail, they rip off the money from Corey and Trevor and buy stereo equipment and recording stuff with it.

That's bullshit.

Where'd you guys get the stereo equipment and mixing sh*t?

This mixer here and slidy things?

Man, we been f*cking with groceries, man.

(bell ringing)

Getting groceries, dawg.

We selling the sh*t, know what I'm saying?

Stealing them from parcel pickup, right?

Your dad owes me 50 mafuckers, but that's a'ight, boy, don't worry about that.

You want some Twizzlers or some sh*t, boy?

Help yourself, mafucker. Go on ! A J-Roc disk for ya, boy?

That's great, 'cause I, uh, I dunno, I had a feeling maybe you got some of this with Trevor and Corey's money.

My f*cking weed money?

We knew this was coming, know what I mean?

'Cause we got nine grand from Corey and Trevor to be on the album, which is a bargain, in the recording business, right?

But then we knew something was up, man, 'cause where those mofuckers getting nine grand at, man Maybe that's how you bough tall this f*cking stuff?

I didn't even know those mafuckers had money, dawg.

f*ck that.

Buys all this stereo equipment and doesn't even give a f*ck Making up excuses.

We got in sh*t -

GST cheque from when she went to Moncton -

That mixer came from a flea market.

Lemonade stand. We bought a bunch of sh*t.

Half price, dawg. I think this sh*t's hot.

I been saving my own money and sh*t -

I found that drum machine, 'cause some mafucker chucked it.

One man's trisash, know what I'm saying?

So I said f*ck it, I'm taking this stereo equipment back And I did.

Come on, man.

keyboard: J-Roc baby, J- Roc baby, J-Roc baby.

You can't take that sh*t, dawg.

Come on, dawg.

I went to the laundry room and there's more equipment on top of the laundry machine.

Two turntables and a f*cking microphone.

So I took all that stuff, smashed a bunch of albums, maybe I shouldn't've did, but f*ck it.

Then I said, you know what I'm taking their dryer, too.

Trinity!

Hey, what's up, dawg?

How's it going?

Good.

Daddy has got you set up with presents. Check this out.

Cool.

Got everything to go with it Just gonna grab it outside here.

So, uh, Ricky, what are you doing on this property?

Don't worry, I'm not here to k*ll Corey and Trevor or break their little stupid peace bond I just got some gifts for my daughter.

Is that alright, Sarah?

Yeah, whatever.

Corey and Trevor are safe, doing something productive for once.

Productive. Yeah, like what?

Paddling a boat up the Dumb Dumb River?

You're the only one I know that paddles that boat, Ricky.

They're off doing something productive with Julian.

Ricky is so obviously jealous of Julian, because Julian's the smart one and Ricky's the dumb one.

You jealous 'cause you don't get to boss them around anymore?

'Cause you're carrying the sh*t yourself instead?

I treat Corey and Trevor good and you know that.

Better than most people do Trinity, Daddy'll be in in a second Got some speakers and stuff for you.

I'm not jealous, Sarah.

This better not be stolen.

We're sorry about what happened.

We didn't mean to do that.

Yeah, dude. We're really, really sorry Boys, boys, boys. I am so sick of this sh*t.

Alright? You guys got your hands up Alright, time for your first lesson Keep those hands up, way up, until I tell you to put them down. Got it?, Okay, three synthesizers and check this one out. It does all kind of bendy stuff.

Cool. (sounds)

And a bunch of stuff here you can learn about, and speakers and drum thingees and...

Hey there, Rick. How's it going?

And Lucy got fake boobs.

I mean, it's obvious. I don't mean I I was staring at them, but I can't exactly contro which direction my eyes go In all the time.

I mean, obviously she used our money to buy them anyways, so if you think about it, I sort of own one-third of them.

Alright, I'm gonna be honest with you guys.

This mission's gonna be dangerous and it's gonna involve g*ns, okay?

So keep calm and don't be scared.

Dude, I got your back. We got this.

Actually, Sarah, let's go with the milk.

Let's go with the milk? What the f*ck is that?

Sorry, would you welcome me with a little bit of your previous milk, please? Is that better?

Why? So you can welcome yourself to all the cereal that I bought? For fucksake, Ricky, you just spilled it all over the f*cking floor Can you clean that up?

Sarah, it's not a big deal. It's just a bowl of cereal You know what? It is a big deal.

It's just a bowl of cereal, he just lives in his car, we just got our sh*t back together, he's just coming around here eating our f*cking food again.

Things are f*cked up already Is it just a coincidence, Ricky?

That you come around when things get f*cked up for us?

What the f*ck is that supposed to mean?

We've been fine the whole time you were in f*cking jail.

Well, I'm out of jail now, so what do you think about that?

Yeah, and you're bringing your daughter expensive gifts, too.

She better get to keep them.

Um, thanks for bringing all that stuff for Trin.

I'm hoping it'll help. She's a f*cking mess.

She's getting into fights with kids.

She b*at a kid up for chips. She's throwing bottles.

She's a f*cking mess.

Well, I mean, you gotta remember, every kid goes through phrases and, I did. And look how I turned out.

Liked to throw bottles, get in fights, whatever. I can talk to her. At least get her to throw bottles at night and try not to get in as many fights.

She shouldn't be fighting unless someone else starts it, I don't think.

You'd do that?

Yup.

Awesome. Good.

And I just want you to know that, being in jail, , I thought a lot and I really care about you guys, a lot and I'm gonna try to get my sh*t together.

I got goals now. And when you have goals, you try to get to those goals and I'm gonna buy or rent my own trailer.

That's what's happening with me.

Really? Like, you're gonna...?

Wow. That's awesome. That's awesome.

Do you think maybe, I dunno... you wanna get drunk with me or something?

Sometime?

Yeah, I'd totally get drunk with you.

You don't need great big machinery for paving I paved the whole parking lot of the motel, this was all I used.

Thanks for your help, Phil s No bigs. What do you say we grab a couple of burger and start paving?

Actually, I gave up burgers lately, Phil. Sorry, bud.

Gave up burgers? That's crazy talk, man.

You heard what the man said, Phil.

Well, you must have a lot of willpower.

I feel like having a burger right now, don't you?

When was the last time you had one?

Phil, enough about the burgers, okay?

You're driving me crazy.

You can buy frozen boxed burgers, there's 25 -

Phil, enough with the g*dd*mn burgers.

Is that all you think about? Burgers?

Don't let him get to you, Phil.

Bubs, what are you doing? Were you just gonna leave these here?

Well, they'll be fine. Listen, can I talk to you for a second.

Why?

I've got to ask you something.

Do you notice something different about Lucy Like, just the way she looks or whatever?

No.

f*ck, she's turning me on lately. Big-time.

What do you mean? I didn't notice anything.

I dunno. I can't explain it, but...

Hmm, don't know.

Well, Ricky sort of thinks he's in love.

I mean, maybe he is.

It's probably the boobs working on him subliminally, but, I mean, he really probably is in love with her.

Because he always has loved her.

You know what? I wanna get back together with Lucy.

What would you think if maybe I wanted to get around to getting back together with Lucy?

Whenever Ricky's life starts to get f*cked up, it's usually because he's not with Lucy and Trinity How would you do it?

I'll tell you how I'll do it. Get back into dope.

Selling weed? Growing weed No, no, no. Hash. Lots of it Oh... And where are you getting the hash?

Let me guess.

You're going down to f*cking the flappy bird brothers.

Oh, can I borrow your go-cart? Come on.

No, Ricky. I'm not allowed lending.

What do you mean, you're not allowed lending Who's not letting you?

Me. I'm not letting me.

If you're not gonna drive me or lend me your go-cart, I've got to get there somehow.

Well, I'm sorry.

What are you doing?

Cover me.

What are you doing?

You're not hotwiring Mr. Lahey's car!

He left his f*cking keys here. He's an idiot.

Ricky's off to Dennis and Terry's to score some hash, 'cause he's in love, and I just can't let him go down there.

Something's not gonna go right Alright, boys.

This is the most important job you've ever done.

Remember, no talking. And do exactly what I say.

Okay, what we're gonna do, when we get to the door, point these g*ns at them, alright?

Make sure their hands are up. I'm gonna grab their g*ns, go in and search the place, okay?

And, boys, I believe in you.

You believe in us, Julian?

You've never said that before.

Guys, I gotta talk to you about something, alright?

Don't worry about f*cking up, okay?

That's why you guys keep f*cking up., So put your hands down now, as soon as you're done the job put them back up again. Got it?

Julian!

Dude, that's Cyrus.

Yeah, and we're gonna f*ck him big-time, boys.

I don't think I wanna do this, Julian.

Let's move, boys.

Julain whispering: Grandmother.

Trevor whispering: Grandmother.

Shhh.

Cookies.

Cookie, cookies, cookies.

Cookies.

(deep breath)

(video-game sounds)

Shhh!

What the f*ck?

What the f*ck is Julian doing here?

What the hell is Bubbles doing here?

Ricky, I'm worried you're gonna go back to jail and I don't know why you're doing this.

I won't go back to jail, buddy.

Well, do you think it was -

f*ck!

What is he doing?

He's got his g*n out, Ricky.

What are these guys doing, with the f*cking masks on their head?

I'm getting to the bottom of this right now, Bubbles I'll see you back at the park.

(tires squealing)

Ricky! Wait for me!

(screaming)

(g*nf*re)

Un-f*cking-believable. We just got robbed by the Hubble-Bubble telescope and his little fruit car.

And that four-eyed fucker is always with two other fuckos.

Ricky and f*cking Julian. That's who just hit us.

We gotta figure this out and move fast.

Let's lock and load. To Sunnyvale, boys.

Let's go!

f*ck.

Didn't that feel good, not f*cking up, guys?

Yeah, it was pretty sweet, dude.

Julian, what the f*ck was that?

What d'you just do, man? What's in those bags?

What bags? What are you talking about Get those f*cking guys 50 feet away from me right now Corey, Trevor, 50 feet. Stand by that stick and stay What's up?

We gotta talk, man.

Clearly, we aren't in business anymore, right?

You use my car and my f*cking g*n to work with Corey and Trevor?

Rick, Rick, Rick.

I had no choice, alright?

You can't be around Corey and Trevor.

I was just using those guys to take the heat in case things got f*cked up. No big deal.

Listen to me. They had way more hash than I thought, man.

A hundred Ks. It's right under your dad's f*cking deck.

We're set.

Ks?

You stole 100 Ks of hash from my f*cking friends.

Great.

They had no idea it was us We had masks on. Nobody spoke.

Cyrus saw me!

What are you talking about I followed Ricky, 'cause he followed you!

sh*ts fired! Cyrus saw me, b*ll*ts, zing, zing!

For fucksakes.

Now it begins.

Where are they?

Where are who?

Ricky and Julian!

Calm down, Cyrus.

Randy!

What do you want them for?

What do I want them for? I wanna announce that we're f*cking here. And how we gonna do that?

How about this, Cyrus? (g*nsh*t)

That works for me!

Here's f*cking Cyrus!

And Dennis.

And Dennis!

And Terry, too.

And Terry. f*ck off, let's go!

You did this for us, did you, Julian?

Of course I did, Ricky.

I dunno, buddy, it seems pretty f*cked-up to me.

Fine, let's just stand around and get sh*t at. Call the guys. Is that what you want?

Julian, get down! Get down If you're gonna be part of this deal, you tell me right now and cover me, Ricky.

You want me to cover you? Me, him and you split 50-50-50

That's the only way.

Fine, fine.

But I'm in charge. You gotta back me up.

Gimme a g*n.

f*ck, they're not running away, Julian.

Okay, we're gonna make this f*cking simple, boys!

Just give us back our hash I don't know what the f*ck you're talking about, Cyrus!

Then why the f*ck are you standing behind my car?!

Look, boys, it's Ricky here! We go back a long ways, boys Used to get drunk with you Your grandma drove me to hockey!

We used to drink sahoki! Let's work this out here!

No more sake and you're off the f*cking team, Ricky!

Your friendship's over, Ricky!

You know what? I always thought you guys were f*cking dicks anyway!

f*ck you!

f*ck you, Ricky!

Boys?

Come on, boys! Bubbles is crying here!

Let's put our g*ns down! Fight this out with our fists!

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's a good idea, Ricky!

Alright, I'm coming out! Don't f*cking sh**t me!

Don't sh**t me.

You think this is a good idea?

I'm gonna put the trunk down here, guys.

We're gonna put our g*ns right on top of it.

We'll have a big f*cking fist fight.

Come on, Cyrus. You f*cking big, mean bastard.

Bubbles, wind up the big g*n. What are you doing?

The cocksuckers gotta g*n!

You crazy idiot!

f*cking Terry!

f*ck you, Cyrus!

That wasn't f*cking fair, Cyrus!

f*ck!

f*cking dicks!

That's my dad's trailer! You're f*cking paying for that!, You're f*cking paying for every bit of that damage you f*ckers!

Alright, fuckos. How was that? Huh? How was that?

Now I want all my f*cking hash back, or I'm gonna continue to sh**t the sh*t out of this place until I get my hash back!

f*ck you, Cyrus! Cops, boys, cops.

Hide the g*ns.

Drop it.

f*ck!

f*ck!

g*ns down.

f*ck!

f*ck.

Nothing going on here, guys. We just got caught up in this.

I don't know what the f*ck is going on.

Hold up there, officers!

Those gentlemen were not involved in this.

They were pinned down by these g*ons with the g*n.

They're not even from this park.

I found this by their car.

I don't know what the f*ck it is, though.

That's our f*cking hash!

Dennis.

f*cking Dennis. Dumb f*ck!

Ah, f*ck!

Take 'em downtown, boys. Get 'em out of this park.

Go on, get out of here.

Just you wait, Ricky. I'll be back for you!

All's well that ends well.

Perhaps we can now move on as friends.

Thanks, Mr. Lahey.

I'm not falling for the nice-guy-routine bullshit Jim.

Stay the f*ck away from me. Alright?

Couldn't swallow your pride for two seconds, eh?

f*ck off, Randy.

Here's the rest of it, Bubs. Count it up, buddy.

Omigod.

Alright, you guys can put your hands down, okay? You did a good job today.

Thanks, Julian.

Alright.

I don't want Simple and Garfuckle in my f*cking house.

Fifty feet, boys. I don't want anybody calling the cops.

Let's go.

Boys, I don't know if you know this, but this trailer's f*cking paid for. I own this now.

Now you guys come in here and you sh**t it all the f*ck up and you guys are gonna fix it. That's all.

We didn't sh**t it. There's a couple of holes in the window and -

You don't understand!

See, you don't own your own trailer.

This is my trailer, Rick. If you owned your own place, you wouldn't like it to be sh*t up. Okay?

It's mine. I own it.

Sor-ry.

Julian, there's, like, over 100 kilos of hash here. Can't we just get rid of this and not worry about it ruining our lives What if Cyrus comes after us for it?

Bubs, those guys are gonna be in jail for a long time We're just gonna sit on it until things cool down, then we're gonna sell everything in a lump sum.

It's the lowest risk, man. I'm not even worried about it.

Oh, yeah, no risk involved, I would say.

How the f*ck are we gonna hide this much hash, Julian?

We can't keep it in my dad's trailer.

That's not fair. Unless it's cool.

Dad, do you mind if I keep a couple of grams of hash in your trailer?

No hash in the trailer, Rick Don't f*cking think you're putting it in my shed I'll tell you that.

We're gonna hide it.

In the most clever way.

Right out in the open, boys.

f*ck, boys.

What?

I'm really sorry to interrupt your drug talking here, but I had 100... I had $11 9 in empties in my shed and they're all gone.

I'm just wondering if you know anything about that, Ricky Trinity took some. She said you told her it was cool.

Trinity? Why did Trinity take $119 in bottles, Rick Why'd you let them go, Mr. Lahey?

Because they're my little sh*t puppets, Randy.

Performing in our sh*t play.

I don't understand, sir.

You will, Rand, you will Omigod.

(bottles smashing)

What's wrong with parents these days?