03x08 - Stryker Bites The Dust

[bunniefuu]

Announcer: Previously on Childrens Hospital...

Doctor, please. What can you tell me about my son?

I'll tell you, but it's gonna cost you a kiss.

Doctor, I am married.

I'll have you reported.

Okay.

I guess you don't want to hear about your son.

Fine.

Okay. What can you tell me about my son?

Well, first of all, he doesn't kiss like his mom.

She's flatlining, Dr. Stryker!

Not on my watch.

[ Flatline ]

Treat my kid or we all die together!

Stryker!

No one's gonna die on my watch!

And God bless my doctors, and let your angels watch over them.

We don't need angels, Michael.

We're doctors.

We can fix ourselves.

Blake: I'm really in shock.

I mean, it really makes you question the big picture, you know?

I'm not sure I wanna help kids anymore if I'm just going to end up dying some day.

He seemed completely fine.

He was talking about going on a vacation.

To heaven, now that I think about it.

He was my best friend.

He was my best friend.

He was the next man I was going to sleep with.

No, he was my best friend.

My best friend.

He was my best friend.

Nah, definitely my best friend.

He was my best friend.

I've been crying so much my panties are wet.

Losing a colleague and a friend like Dr. Brock Stryker will be difficult for all of us.

That's why I am providing my services as a grief counselor.

Since when are you a grief counselor?

That was my minor at Westlake.

Go Wildcats!

Now, none of you will deal with a patient until I determine that you are emotionally ready.

Everybody! Two clown cars have collided on the freeway, and they're coming here.

Ugh! Circus clowns -- The worst.

They just keep coming and coming.

Well, they should have gotten a clown ambulance.

You know, it's twice as small, but it holds more clowns.

Why are all you doctors just standing around?

Oh, sorry, Dori. We can't help.

Sy's orders, you know, because we're eating.

You mean grieving.

Lola: Whatever.

I guess I'll just go and grieve this box of doughnuts until there's no more left to grieve.

What about you?

These are your people.

These aren't my people.

These are circus clowns. I'm a city clown, clearly.

I mean, look at their faces.

Now look at mine.

Now look back at them.

Now look at my face.

Now look back there, and now once back here.

Totally different.

Excuse me, I need a do-- [ Spits ]

I thought this was a reputable hospital.

Shouldn't you be at a county fair somewhere, circus clown?

Shouldn't you be shopping at J. Crew and drinking soda with the tan faces, city clown?

I bet you don't even know how to do lifesaving surgery, which I do and will not do for you.

He can't do surgery anyway because he's eating.

Grieving.

Sal: Attention, Cheryl Ladd: please marry me.

How's the new hearing aid, Chief?

I hear you loud and clear, America.

Um... So sad about Brock, isn't it?

Sad. I'll tell you what's sad.

Yeah.

Working hard, starting your own small business, and then the government comes along, taxes the hell out of it, and gives it to people just sitting on their butts.

I've said it a million times: Keep your paws off my paycheck, Uncle Sam!

I'm pretty sure you've said that no times.

Sure, I'm sad, but... I just don't think Brock would want us wasting our time mourning him, you know?

I think he'd want us out there fixing people.

I mean, it's what he'd do.

I'll tell you something, Blake.

Your ability to deal with death is just unbelievable.

I'm making a note right here that says you are cleared for surgery.

Great. Thanks.

Come back soon.

You and Brock never went to Joshua Tree together.

Well, you guys never got spray tans together.

Boys, you were both very, very important to Brock --

You call yourself a therapist?

You don't even know the cool therapy stuff like hypnosis or past-life regression.

Past-life regression is not even scientifically valid.

Let's do it.

Oh, hey. I'm here.

Scoot over! Scoot over!

Why don't you both tell me how you're feeling toward Brock?

Aah! Aah! Aah!

I'm in a past life.

I'm -- I'm not hypnotizing you.

Glenn: [ British accent ] I'm John Lennon.

Ringo, Paul, George, is that you?

No, it's me -- Mark David Chapman.

I'm a big fan. Pow! Pow!

Oh, come on.

Will you just speak up and tell me how you're feeling about Brock?

Glenn: [ Deep voice ] I'm in another past life.

I'm Abraham Lincoln.

Oh, Mr. Lincoln, it's John Wilkes Booth here.

I'm your biggest fan.

Pow! Pow!

Will you stop assassinating each other?

Glenn: [ High-pitched voice ] I'm Anne Frank. Have you seen my diary?

Owen: [ German accent ] I'm a n*zi soldier! I've seen it!

I'm a big fan. Pow! Pow!

You missed me.

Pow!

And that is why I am all about the death penalty.

In just a minute, we'll meet a man who has taken up arms to defend our border with Mexico.

We call him the Taco Tackler.

And I say bravo to you, sir.

I'm worried about you, Chief.

I feel like you're not dealing with your grief.

Totally disagree.

Mitch from Miami, what do you think?

I'm from Tampa.

I got to cut you off, Mitch.

Boy, howdy, am I tired of these namby-pamby, bleeding-heart liberals.

Blake, you're the only doctor cleared to work.

You have to help these clowns.

I'll never help a circus clown, Brian.

[ whistles "Entrance of the Gladiators" ]

[ Whistling continues ]

How do you know that song?

It's an old circus clown spiritual.

How do you know it?

My gaga told me it was a city clown ditty and if I was ever lost to just whistle it...

And a friend would appear.

Yeah.

Maybe you two aren't that different after all.

Aah! Clowns!

Looks like you're right, Brian.

We spend so much time fighting over our differences when, in the eyes of a child, we're all the same.

Bring that kid back in here!

[ Chuckles ]

Look at him.

Thrilled to see us, huh? Right, kid?

[ Laughing ]

Hey, I know.

Why don't I treat you to one of my famous characters, huh?

Hungry Bear.

Gaah!

[ Laughs ]

[ Blake munching ]

[ Both laughing ]

Oh! He's peed himself with happiness.

Get him out of here.

Maybe we should stop our bickering, huh?

Learn to help each other. [ Buzzing ]

Aah!

No, I know what it was.

[ Both laugh ]

Cat: I always felt like those feelings were connected to my mother.

You know, she just never made me feel like my father loved me enough.

"Someone's got to make money for the family. How about Cat?"

You know, "She developed early. She's talented."

We didn't have cheerleading in Senegal, where I grew up.

You know what our hobbies were?

Malaria... and blood diamonds.

I guess I just don't know whether my one-woman show should be mainly character-based or, like, songs or, like, stories.

You know, have you seen my Puerto Rican girl?

It's really good.

Mira, mira, listen to me.

Okay, I don't like -- I don't like American boys, you know?

[ Crying ] Daddy, can you see these tears?!

Because I cried them all by myself!

[ Crying ]

Thank you, doctor.

I'm cured.

No, you're not.

Sal: Attention, hospital staff: Is this thing on?

Oh, wait, of course it is. Duh.

Uh, Lola that's my lunch.

[ Lola screaming ]

That is no way to deal with your grief, Lola.

I think it's time someone intervene...

By way of an intervention.

Lola, welcome.

You know, all of your friends are really worried about your binge eating.

Every one of them has written you a personal letter.

Blake, lead us off.

Okay.

[ Clears throat ]

Lola, I'm so worried about you.

I lie awake at night wondering if you're gonna choke on things.

I even like my girls thick, but damn.

The way you look now, it's just nasty.

I hid where the Nazis couldn't find me, but I can hear them outside my window.

If you eat less than your allotted points for the day, you can carry them over into your bank of flex points.

Mira, mira, look at me.

I do not like those American boys.

You guys mean so much to me.

Yeah, I was -- I was just sad about Brock.

Yeah.

But I don't -- I don't need this junk anymore.

I don't.

I just need a hug.

Aww.

Thanks.

[ Crying ]

We got you. We got you.

Both: I got an announcement for these liberal cry-babies that want to take away my g*ns.

You can pry them from my cold, dead hands!

We'll be back in a minute.

You're watching an encore presentation of Hoss O'Brien Live.

Chief, what's gotten into you?

Every night, I have strange sensations in my legs.

Wiggling and jumping.

I had restless-leg syndrome.

R.L.S. can happen to anyone.

Seven -- Wait a minute.

The voices have stopped.

I think the TV somehow was interfering with your new hearing aid. So weird.

Well, that kind of stuff happens all the time in real life.

I guess you're right.

Hey, let's go smoke some weed.

Okay.

Damn!

Can I help you?

Yes!

Just here to drop off this box of 1,000 new hearing aids.

[ Laughs evilly ]

Is that all?

Uh... Know what? Um, give me a Coke, too.

Oh, we don't have Coke. Sorry.

Man: You got gum?

Woman: No.

Man: All right, I'll take a chapstick.

Woman: We just have dr*gs. Like hydrocodone, Flomax...

Man: Mm.

Woman: Acetaminophen.

Man: You got those trolls with the crazy hair?

Woman: No. Just dr*gs.

Man: Condoms? Magnum?

[ Woman chuckles ] Nope.

Man: "Hang in there" poster with the cat?

Woman: Well, that's -- Yeah, I have one of those for myself because this is a really hard job.

Man: Take it down. I'll give you 15 bucks for it.

Woman: Come on, I paid more than that.

Aah!