04x10 - A Year in the Life

[bunniefuu]

This hospital is hemorrhaging money because you spent $2 million to put a helicopter on the roof.

Sy: In all fairness, where was I gonna put it?

In the basement?

[ Laughs ]

I'd say "Keep your day job," but I'm f*ring you from it.

Sy: No, please.

Just give me another chance.

A little more time, I can turn this hospital around.

One year.

One more year, starting in... 10...9...8... Better get going.

7...6...5...

All: 4...3...2...1... Happy new year!

[ All cheering ]

Owen: Lola, my new year's resolution is to get you to go out with me, and you can't say no.

Lola: No.

Owen: You can't --

Glenn: How's the new boyfriend, Cat?

Cat: Who -- Johnny?

Oh, I had to dump him.

He sold all my rollerblades for dr*gs.

You know, weed?

Glenn: No, I do not know weed, but I do know Dr. Joe's famous cake lollipops.

I mean, these things are addictive!

Cat: Mmm!

Dr. Joe: You know what else is addictive?

Glenn: What's that?

Dr. Joe: Love.

Glenn: Love.

Dr. Joe: Just ask Robert Palmer.

Glenn: Hey, don't laugh.

I actually could.

Bobby Palmer's a friend.

Blake: Oops. [ Laughs ]

Dori: Oh! [ Laughs ]

Blake: That was a little intimate, huh, Dori?

Dori: No worries, Dr. Downs.

I don't think I can get pregnant from that.

[ Both laugh ]

Sy: Come on, Sy -- think!

You've got to save this hospital.

Owen: I got to do a lot of traveling last year -- lots.

Yeah, I'd love to do some more traveling this year.

If there's one thing I love, it's tourism.

Dori: You want to make some real money, stock trading is a real moneymaker.

Cat: She said, "The only thing faster than a taxi is a helicopter."

Owen: Tourism.

Dori: Moneymaker.

Cahelicopter.

Owen: Tourism.

Dori: Moneymaker.

Cahelicopter.

Owen: Tourism.

Dori: Moneymaker.

Cat: Helicopter.

Owen: Tourism... Dori: Is a moneymaker...

Cat: With a helicopter.

Sy: That's it!

I'll rip all of my DVDs on a new hard drive.

That'll free up shelf space.

Glenn: Hey, Sy.

You ever think about making the hospital extra money by using the helicopter for tourists and commuters?

Sy: That'll work, too!

Glenn: [ Laughing ] Hey!

Owen: Happy Valentine's day, Lola.

Imagine these cups are our privates, filled with hot liquid, clinking together.

Lola: No.

Dr. Joe: Lollicakes for lovers.

Anybody want?

Glenn: Oh-ho, Dr. Joe.

You make this saving-life crap worthwhile.

This guy's a master baker!

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Is this where I get the helicopter to downtown?

Owen: Uh...

Sy: Uh, sir?

Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

You must have read our ad.

Please, follow me to the roof.

Cat: I mean, I'm just so confused, because Kevin wants to take me out for Valentine's day, but I've been feeling weird about him ever since he stabbed me and my swim teacher.

What should I do?

Lola: I say, move on dot org.

Blake: Well, Dori, that was a little intimate.

Dori: No worries, Dr. Downs.

I don't think I'll get pregnant from that.

[ Both laugh ]

Glenn: Hey, kids!

It's the bunny of easter!

Dr. Joe: Eh, what's up, doc?

What's up, nurses?

Glenn: ♪ lollicakes ♪
♪ I love 'em ♪

Owen: Hear me out.

Why don't you just let me fertilize your easter eggs?

Lola: No! No!

Cat: Dr. Joe, I want you to meet my new boyfriend, Elvis.

He's a stockbroker.

We're really in love.

We're going to my mom's for easter.

Dr. Joe: Oh, that's terrific!

I was worried you were somehow only attracted to criminals, with your dad being in prison and all.

Cat: Oh. [ Laughs ]

Blake: Hey, Dori.

I just gave the kid in room 3 an extra dose of pitocin.

Will you check on him, call me if he has a reaction?

Dori: No problem.

Oh, and also, Dr. Downs, I don't know if you remember what happened in the closet three weeks ago.

Blake: Let me guess -- you're pregnant?

Dori: Yeah. I'm sorry.

Blake: That's fine.

It's fine.

It's just, you know, that I make a lot of money and I play a lot of golf and I own a lot of cufflinks, and you're, you know...

I mean, you get it.

Dori: I get it -- totally.

Blake: But I will pay for the child support and the education.

Dori: Okay.

Blake: What do you say?

Dori: Cool.

Blake: Okay? Great.

Just remember to check on the kid in room 3.

Dori: Okay.

Blake: Thanks.

[ Helicopter blades whirring ]

Sy: Welcome back, folks.

How was your tour of downtown?

Perfect mother's day gift.

Sy: Ah!

Owen: [ Grunts ]

Lot of baggage, which is something I would never bring to a sexual relationship.

Lola: Owen, still no.

Dr. Joe: Hey, everyone!

I whipped up some special red, white, and blue lollicakes.

Glenn: Oh, so good!

But why red, white, and blue for mother's day?

Dr. Joe: Mm.

Happy 4th of July, everyone!

I had these left over from mother's day.

Glenn: [ Laughs ]

Now, that makes more sense.

4th of July.

Mmm!

Even stale, they're delicious!

Owen: Ooh. These are my favorite.

Lola --

Lola: The answer is no.

Dr. Joe: Oh, hi, Cat.

Cat: Oh, hey.

Dr. Joe: How's your stockbroker boyfriend?

Cat: Turns out he wasn't a stockbroker.

He was a full-time r*pist.

Dr. Joe: Ouch!

Cat: I know.

Thanks so much for asking.

Sometimes I think of you as, like, a father, but, of course, not in prison, like my real dad.

Dr. Joe: Aw. I'm touched.

I've run many prisons.

Cat: Hmm?

Dr. Joe: And I should in one, but I'm not in one at the moment.

[ Both laughing ]

My son's been throwing up all night.

Dori: Okay, fill out these forms, please.

We're on a 3:30 flight to Phoenix.

Dori: Okay, boarding pass, I.D...

Blake: Dori, file these, please.

And tell me when the baby comes out, okay?

So I can give you a check or whatever.

Dori: Okay, will do.

Okay, you are all set.

Gate 1, upstairs.

Is he allergic to any medications?

Glenn: [ Sighs ]

I am having a summertime love affair with you, miss Thang.

[ Laughs ]

Dr. Glenn Richie?

Glenn: Can I help you?

The question is, can you help me?

My name is Elliot Leizman, and I'm with the Simon Wiesenthal Center.

My job's to track down n*zi w*r criminals who are believed to be in hiding here in Brazil.

Glenn: Which, of course, as we both know, is where we are -- Brazil.

Number 1 on our list is Dr. Josef Mengele, the notorious madman who performed unspeakable experiments during the w*r.

He was presumed dead in '79, but till I see a body, I'll search every doctor's office, hospital, and medical lab this side of the Panama canal.

So, you asked if you can help me, but I'm asking you, Dr. Richie, can you help me?

Glenn: [ Gasps ]

I've never seen this man before in my entire life.

Let me know if you do.

Glenn: Say it ain't so, Dr. Joe.

Say it ain't so.

Dori: Dr. Richie?

Glenn: Huh?

Dori: Could you sign this, please?

Glenn: Oh, sure.

Dori: Thanks.

♪ We were young ♪

Hey, Dr. Richie.

Why don't you come to the beach with us, Glenn?

Glenn: Why don't you go to hell?

♪ But our season's gone and come ♪
♪ brother, summer, summer ♪
♪ turn the page now, it's September ♪

Hey, Dr. Richie.

Come to the football game.

Glenn: I thought I told you to go to hell.

♪ Game is over ♪

Dori: Dr. Richie, could you sign this form for me --

♪ Toss your folder ♪

Owen: The horn of plenty is a native American --

Lola: No!

♪ Better bundle up... ♪

Sal: Attention, hospital staff.

It's autumn, which means "to-mah-to" season.

♪ Gonna be a cold October ♪

Sy: Sir, barring anything hugely unexpected, we should be in the black in months.

♪ Make me scream ♪
♪ the horror and mayhem, I can't describe ♪
♪ imagine mummies, caskets, too ♪
♪ bats and owls that go, "Hoo, Hoo!" ♪
♪ graveyards full of tombstones and ghouls ♪

[ Laughs evilly ]

Glenn: Hey, hey, hey!

Great costume.

Bobby P.'s a friend.

Owen: That is a great Howard stern.

Glenn: Oh, thanks.

Blake: Dr. Joe, where'd you learn how to bake like this?

Dr. Joe: Oh, I picked up a lot of stuff in the army -- decades ago.

It's about experimenting.

Blake: Well, you can experiment on me anytime.

[ Laughter ]

Blake: Hey, Owen.

Let me ask you something.

Glenn: Operator, can you connect me to the Simon Wiesenthal Center?

I'll hold.

Blake: Hey, where's Lola?

Owen: Oh, she's working the flight to Pittsburgh, won't be back till tomorrow, which is a shame because I was gonna use Halloween as an excuse to finally ask her out.

Lola: So, ladies, it's Halloween.

Pittsburgh is our oyster.

You guys want to hit banana Joe's, or do you just want to get dressed up in my room at the Marriott and go from there?

Oh, not tonight.

You know, my husband and I are opening up a special bottle of Shiraz, and then I'm gonna let him put it up my butt.

And my guy's making his famous Halloween dinner, and then we're gonna take a romantic bubble bath, then I'm gonna let him put it up my butt.

Lola: Well, what about you, Danielle?

Wish I could, but Halloween's about spending time with the people who are the constants in your life -- the ones who ask you the same thing over and over again, you say "No," and now you feel bad about it.

But happy Halloween.

Happy Halloween.

[ Laughter ]

Owen: My new year's resolution is to get you to go out with me...

Imagine these cups are our... Why don't you just let me fertilize your... put it up my butt.

[ Jet engine roars ]

Sal: Attention, staff.

Happy Thanksgiving.

The current thr*at level is burnt sienna.

Blake: Dori, what are we at?

Dori: 8 months. Almost there.

Blake: Okay, good.

The cash is ready to go, so don't worry.

Dori: Great.

Lola: Owen! Owen! Owen!

[ Panting ]

Owen!

Owen: Lola?

Lola: I've been running for three weeks.

I almost gave up, but I had to come back because I realized, Owen, that I not want to go out with you -- ever.

So... what do you say?

Owen: What do you mean?

What can I say?

I have no choice but to say "Okay."

Lola: [ Sighs ]

"Okay."

I like "okay."

Sy: Oh, you son of a g*n, you did it!

We're in the black!

Happy days are here!

Goodbye, gray skies!

Hello, blue!

Nobody move!

I got the place surrounded!

Where's Dr. Mengele?!

[ Helicopter blades whirring ]

Roof!

Move! Move! Move!

Go! Let's go! Let's go!

Dr. Joe: Goodbye, Childrens Hospital.

Thanks for the memories.

Goodbye, Cat.

Cat: Goodbye, daddy!

I'll miss having sex with you!

That's not my real daddy.

I would never have sex with my real daddy.

That's just Josef Mengele.

♪ That warm Christmas feeling is everywhere I go ♪

Dori: [ Screaming ]

♪ That warm Christmas feeling that melts the falling snow ♪

All: 9...8...7...6... 5...4...3...2...1.

Time's up.

You're fired.

Sy: I know.

But I do have one more idea -- girls in scanty-clad clothes, you know, and very tight and -- and then they da-- "Ooh! Ooh!"

[ Laughs ]

It will bring a lot of people in.

We'll call it "Childrens Hospital Revue"!

You're re-hired.

Sal: Attention, staff.

Have you tried Dr. Adolf's brownie bites?