01x02 - Not a Booty Call

[bunniefuu]

♪

[Spray tanning mist]

Sara, what are you doing?

Oh my god, why are you naked in front of the crew?

Keep rollin' guys, keep rollin'.

This is so weird, I thought we weren't sh**ting until 9.

I was getting spray tanned.

I have an audition today.

They thought it would be an interesting scene.

It is, it's so interesting.

Well, you don't think you should tell me

'cause I don't want you to get a tan and then I don't have a tan.

That's cause I work for her, I'm her assistant.

That's why you...

Obviously wouldn't tell you.

[Exhales]

I don't... have the right shade for you anyway, you're super... pasty.

Sara and I have the exact same shade of skin, we're sisters.

Ehhhh... Hhhh...

Can you just in the future like tell me when you're sh**ting cause I was like sleeping-

I can't be responsible, I wake up early.

I slept in 'cause I thought we weren't sh**ting so...

You snooze, you lose... bitch.

it's very hard in L.A. to know who is successful and not.

Remember when you ignored that one guy at the dinner party and he turned out to be Vince Gilligan who created "Breaking Bad"?

Yeah!

He kept on like wanting to talk to me about his work and I was like mphh a little less of this, a little more of this, you know?

Incredible new app idea, every time you're talking to someone it's like a voice recognition and you're phone like goes like, 'be nice!

Be nice! Be nice! Be nice!'

How successful!

How genius would that be?

Oh!

And it has like an alert system like

'code red' is 'very successful'.

And then it like zaps you if it's Vince Gilligan.

Right, so all of the sudden you're like, 'uuuuheyy... nice to meet you.'

Yeah.

Don't steal that idea, guys.

Abbey, what are you doing?

I'm taking the peel off.

I don't want it to go to your hips.

What?

No, I don't...

I'm so sorry, I will fix it...

It's not a big deal.

Ok.

Yeah.

What do you do for a living?

I work for Sara.

Why do you have an assistant?

I'm just confused on what she does for you.

She does important tasks... um...

Abbey.

Are you putting the peel back on the apple?

Abbey... sorry, I'm just a little confused as to why you felt the need to do that when we have 67 fresh apples right there.

I'm so sorry.

It's ok, Abbey.

I have to go have lunch with Talia today.

Who's Talia?

Mom's friend's daughter.

Oh yeah...

It's one of those things where she really looks up to me.

Does she want to be a mom?

What?

No.

A mom?

No, she looks up to me because she wants to be an actress.

You're going to be so helpful.

No, I know.

That's nice of you.

Yeah.

That's rare.

It's not rare.

It's rare for you... let me rephrase that... it's rare for you to be nice.

This is a ridiculous conversation!

What's happening with you today?

James and I have been texting a lot lately.

Oh.

But, today he wants to go on a hike.

Right, you're excited not to be a booty call.

[Laughs]

I know that I sat here and said that I don't want to date a celebrity.

I really want a nice, normal guy.

[Producer's voice] Then why James Franco?

I'm sorry but James Franco is like a pretty amazing guy.

Trust me, him being famous is my least favorite thing about him.

He doesn't even want to be famous.

It's complex.

It's not that complicated.

It's really simple actually.

You booty call him.

He's like a fascinating person.

He has taught me a lot about poetry, he reads his own poetry to me, there's no bounds to what he can do you know, he's a black belt in karate, he's a certified reflexologist.

Oh...

He runs a passport business.

Really?

Which is super random but yeah, he's like a government official.

Wow.

I would love to meet him.

Well, you know... I'd love to meet him, in the day too.

Okay, well, this has been great.

I'm getting ready for my audition.

[Text chime]

When a guy texts you late at night, you know, you know what it means... a booty call.

You see each other in the daytime... that's like, real.

No, I know it feels good to hang out with you in the day.

What?

My god, I'm not so cute when I hike.

You think my braid is cute?

You're so sweet.

You always notice the details, you know?

Like all the little stuff.

[Exhales deeply]

What the hell?

[Text chime]

[Text chime]

[Exhales]

Jesus...

Liz called me and said that you were rude.

You can't do that, you have to be nice to everyone you don't know who in this town is powerful and who's not.

Okay.

In L.A., life is an audition.

You have to be on your a game at all times.

I once road-raged Steven Spielberg.

I don't think he'll watch this show, so I'm not worried about it, but he is the worst driver I mean was driving literally five miles an hour and then as I go over to the other side, to like give him the bird, he looks at me, Steven [bleep] Spielberg.

Did he recognize you?

Yes, he recognized me!

I haven't been called in on any of his movies.

Sorry, I haven't signed in.

Oh, here you go.

Thanks.

Can you believe this amateur script that we are dealing with here?

Do you think it's really bad?

It's awful.

Do you disagree?

Do you just think the writing's terrible?

Yeah, I think it's terrible.

You think it's good?

Uumm... I think it's okay.

What do I know?

Break a leg.

You too...

[Out of breath] Hi.

I was supposed to meet James Franco here and this looks like a really small store and I feel like if he was here I would see him and I don't see anybody.

[Exhales sharply]

Did he leave in a hurry like did he seem stressed out about something cause we had plans.

No.

Is there something I can get you?

Sure, greens 2.

Just put that on James tab please.

He doesn't have a tab.

You're going to have to pay for that yourself.

Okay, no that's fair.

Sara Foster.

Yes.

Thank you so much.

You are at the top of my list.

Really?

Yeah, honestly.

I love this, I connected to it right away.

Let's do this.

Should we just start?

No I have to introduce you to the brilliant artist behind this, have you met Leslie Grossman before?

That's me!

[Laughs]

Oh my gosh!

Jessica Alba!

How are you, Talia?

I'm going to give you a hug.

Do you guys... ?

Yes, we know... of course we know each other.

Psh.

Of course... it's L.A.

♪

Ok, this is crazy!

It's so not a big deal, Sara. don't even worry about it, please.

But it is, and I want to explain to you what I was doing.

I thought you were another actress trying to get my role 'cause this is my part!

So I fake insulted this masterpiece cause I wanted you to mess up.

Nothing else needs to be said.

I get it...

Water under the bridge, right?

We're all good.

Ok.

So do you want to just start on this first scene?

Ok.

Action.

Hi.

I'm here to see Dr. Bohner, it's about my health.

I'm so sorry.

I want to stop you.

Ok.

Because I don't believe a word of anything that you're saying and I know that you're better than that so I want you to convince me.

Ok.

Wow.

Hi.

I'm here to see Dr. Bohner.

It's about... my health.

Okay, I'm going to stop you right there.

I can do it better.

No, no.

It's not that, I feel like, let's just improv it.

Let's just do this with joy.

Action.

Hi!!

I'm here to see Dr. Bohner!

It's about my health!

Okay, but you're dying?

This is devastating to her.

Ok.

Action.

[Crying] I'm here to see Dr. Bohner.

Whoa, like that's crazy town.

I need an accent.

I'm thinking high class Southern.

You know what else?

I want you not to face me and I want you to face the wall.

[Crying in Southern accent]

My babies have not been vaccinated!

Sara, I'm sorry.

You can turn around.

[Exhales sharply]

Ok.

You know what, I want you to improv that you have no hands.

I want to do it like you are deaf, but only in one ear.

With child-like wonder.

Do it drunk.

Go.

Like you have diarrhea.

Do you think you want to face the wall again?

I don't want to face the wall again.

I don't mean to stop the audition because it's your room but... I'm clearly not getting this.

You guys have really taken something that I love and you've turned it into something that I will now have really, really sad memories about.

I actually felt that we were making some pretty important headway there.

Okay, Matt.

A huge part of being an actress is rejection.

You're going to be dealing with rejection no matter what.

Which is just like Erin with this James thing.

Oh... I mean I wouldn't call it rejection.

It's more like a cat and mouse game that James and I play.

You know, I get why he's fighting this thing that we have.

You know when you meet someone you're crazy about, it scares you.

And you run from it and if you're lucky, like he is, that person chases you.

[Tires screeching to a stop]

Whatever.

James, it's fine, stop saying you're sorry.

It's not even a big deal.

[Text chime]

Oh, my god.

[Text chime]

You've got to be kidding me!

Just keep doing this. Just keep doing this.

I will just keep calling you.

Just tell me where to go.

You can't be serious!

And I went to the psychic and he left the psychic, and he's been at three different places and every time I get there I have just missed him.

[Sara on speaker phone]

Why isn't he waiting for you?

This is like officially a booty call.

My phone is dying!

Ok, I'm literally 2% because of this conversation.

Hold on a second, Jensen's store is actually right around the corner so ok, hold on.

I'm gonna call you back, I'm just gonna...

[Sara's voice] You're gonna go to his office a guy you've gone out with, who you kind of like?

To charge your phone to wait for James Franco's text?

Yes but...

[Sara's voice] You realize that sounds like the craziest thing I've ever heard.

Ok, I'm hanging up on you, Sara.

You're a battery vampire, I will never forgive you for this, goodbye!

Bitch.

[Out of breath] Hi...

Oh my god, I'm so happy to see you I was literally just going to send you an email.

[Breathing heavily]

Really?

Yeah, back to where to met.

Oh my god, hi, how are you?

You have like straw in your hair.

You... no, no, no.

Oh my god.

Oh... that's.

Ok.

Thank you.

That's not straw, huh?

Um, ok I just have one of those days you know?

Yeah.

It's like I just can't keep up.

It's so good to see you.

I hate how everything ended.

Totally.

That's honestly how I feel too. Can I charge my phone in here?

Oh...you didn't come in to see me?

No, I did it just do you think we can charge it while we're talking?

Yeah, yeah that's fine.

Okay, cool.

It's just, I was sending you an email because it's like the least I could do is give you sort of another attempt...

I'm sorry, it's... it's just not...

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'll charge it, I'll charge it.

It's fine, I'll charge it, I'll charge it.

Ok... thanks.

I got this gift card from a client here.

Yeah.

I fixed his keyboard the other day and as a gift he gave me like a sort of money towards this exclusive restaurant...

[phone dings]

Oh!

Was that a sound?

No, that was my phone.

Ok.

Ah. I'm saying I'd like to take you there.

When?

I'm sorry, uh...

It's tonight.

Tonight... eghh... tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight is not good. I have... [exhales] Like a million things tonight.

It could be late.

It could be after.

All of the night though is crazy.

I get it, you're busy.

Yeah.

So that's just tonight's crazy but-

[phone dings]

That's your phone.

Oh, my god.

Can I have it?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Ok, thanks.

[Text chime]

Uh, I just... just give me that sh*t.

Like I said, like this is supposed to be a great restaurant and the least we could do is just not let these sort of crazy moments define us, you know what I'm saying?

They say that you get what you give and sometimes that is not true.

Because I have given a lot and I'm getting literally nothing in return.

And you get to a breaking point where you're just like, [bleep] you, James Franco.' you know that's like a universal thing.

[Exhales sharply]

I just don't want it to end the way it- you know what, tonight's great.

It is?

Yep.

We're gonna have the best time.

Well, don't forget your phone.

Thank you so much.

Honestly though, please be there.

Thank you so much for coming.

You're so welcome.

You were the first person I wanted to call when I got to L.A.

Oh, you know the truth is like I try to give back to the girls that want to be me.

That's what feeds my soul.

So when my mom called me and said Renee's daughter, Talia is in L.A. and you know how much she looks up to you, I said of course I will go and have lunch with her and it's my good deed for the year.

Now I don't have to go serve soup at that thing I serve soup at every year.

What thing?

You know, that thing where you... give the soup.

A soup kitchen?

I think that yeah, that's what they call it, yeah.

Is she homeless?

Who?

Talia.

I don't know.

You picked a crazy business.

Yeah.

I think you need to have really thick skin.

Ok.

Because the rejection for you, it's going to be terrible.

[Exhales]

Yeah, you gotta expect that nothing is gonna happen for at least five years.

Because it took that long for things to really pick up?

Oh, it didn't take that long for me.

Oooh, ok.

But, I'm not the norm you know.

Right.

Have you sent any headshots to agencies?

Do you need me to make any calls for you?

I have.

I signed with...

Oh, you already signed with somebody?

Yeah.

What are you doing?

You can't sign with like the first pedophile that looks at you!

Really?

What are you doing?

Oh my god.

Well, their offices seemed really legitimate.

I mean it's this beautiful building and glass everywhere and...

Talia.

You have to check in.

Rule number one!

You gotta, you gotta...

Oh my god!

Who did you sign with?

C.A.A.

Um.

I don't even know what it stands for... Creative something.

Creative Artists Agency.

Yeah.

Do you like them?

As a company?

Um... I was a client there.

[Laughs]

Oh you were?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But not anymore?

I just wasn't comfortable there.

Oh.

'Cause I wanted to be more of the big fish.

I get that.

You know?

How is it working with like big names and stuff?

Like I've had meetings with Judd Apatow and those people and they're so nice and they make me feel so comfortable, but I'm little bit like, "should it be this comfortable?"

You had lunch with Judd Apatow?

Or what did you do with him?

Um, they invited me over to their house for dinner.

I met him at this random party thing and then they invited me over to their house because we had all these like similar things in common and we were sharing some ideas for stuff.

Was Leslie Mann there?

She is such a good cook.

It was really nice but...

Hi.

Hi!!

Hi!

Oh my gosh, Jessica Alba!

How are you, Talia?

I'm going to give you a hug!

Oooh, it's so good to see you!

How is everything?

Really good!

I feel like I haven't seen you since that table read.

Yes, in New York.

Right.

Hey, girl... girl!!

Um.

Sorry.

Do you guys... ?

Yes, we know... of course we know each other... Psh, it's L.A.

Ooh, yeah.

Actresses!

Just a bunch of actresses hanging out in Hollywood.

[Laughs]

Girl... how are you?

Good.

[Phone dings]

Uh-oh.

How would you feel about me just making sure it's not an emergency?

All right.

♪

You're an actress?

[Laughs]

She's so funny.

Remember we were all at that thing...

Wait, you have like a piece of lettuce... right there.

Sorry.

In Hollywood, it's like an unspoken rule with celebrities.

When you run into each other, even if you haven't like officially met, you say hi and you act like you know each other.

Don't you think that like only kind of applies to like, household names?

Obviously we all know who she is, but maybe she doesn't know who you are.

Jessica Alba knows who I am.

Will you sit with us for a little bit?

I mean, I can sit for like five seconds.

Ok.

Cause I'm like on my way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah every minute that you have.

I'll go get a chair.

Oh, perfect.

Oh, cool.

I'll be right back.

Don't talk about anything while I'm gone.

[Laughter]

Three girls, hanging out!

So tell me, how's the company going?

We just did a crazy raise and- ohh.

Yeah, I've been doing all these like weird business conferences...

Oh my god, remember when we were both in Maxim?

In the same year?

I totally remember you from that!

Totally.

I'm just waiting for a chair and then we can...

Oh my...

I have no idea who she is.

It's fine, I feel like that happens.

I feel horrible.

Nooo!

She's really sweet though.

She's so nice.

Our moms are best friends...

Oh, cool!

That's so sweet!

Yeah, well I'm looking for like a simple, you know you miss your home...

Yeah...

And so like yeah...

Cool.

I'm so proud of you.

Thank you so much.

And you k*lled it at the table reading.

You hit every comedy b*at.

You're too nice to me.

And you're like here...

This is so perfect... and you're like making it happen.

That we ran into each other.

I know.

I gotta go.

Oh, ok well.

But thank you so much letting me sit and-

I'm so glad you came!

Totally interrupt your lunch.

Well, I mean we're pretty much all set right?

I mean, we've been here a little while.

Do you need me to give you a ride?

Oh, perfect, I was gonna get an Uber.

So nice to meet you...

I mean, sorry, see you again.

See you again, I'm the worst!

I'm the worst.

Thank you so much, honestly.

You're like the mom figure that I've been needing in L.A.

So glad we got to see each other.

And I'll call you soon and maybe we can get together again!

Oh... ok, great.

Cool, bye!

Bye guys.

Today was so weird.

It was cute though.

Seeing someone be vulnerable like that.

You get to know someone.

Vulnerable is a word you could use.

You were like a minute away from shaving your head and hitting a car with an umbrella.

[Laughs]

Yes.

I was very Britney today.

You were very close.

It actually turns out that Jensen's sort of like AppleCare.

It's offered to you and you don't want it and then it's kind of like pushed on you and you're like fine it's a back up, I'll have this just in case and then when the going gets tough, you are glad you had it.

Know what I mean?

Duh.

Sara doesn't know what AppleCare is.

I actually don't.

What is it?

This is amazing.

Really?

It's really good, yeah.

No, it's good right?

It's a little fancier than what I'm used to but...

Oh, I always get delivery from here.

[Phone dings]

How do you eat chicken with chopsticks?

I'm a master.

I'm the closest thing to Mr. Miyagi you have.

[Distracted laughter]

[Phone dings]

Speaking of Mr. Miyagi...

[phone dings]

You are the karate kid...

Look it.

Of not picking up your phone.

[Phone dings] Yep.

Uh oh.

Just a second.

How would you feel about me just making sure it's not an emergency?

All right.

[Text chime]

Do you know what Lift is?

It's like a service where people like get with their car, they pick up other people like a...

[Text chime]

Taxi service?

I've been doing it for extra cash.

It gives me like a little bit of responsibility and...

[text chime]

I've got to do a little bit of service on my car 'cause the windshield wipers are dead...

[text chime]

And then the lights are a little messed up, that's why I had to...

[text chime]

Borrow my mom's that night.

So, I don't know.

[Text chime]

You're getting a lot, what's going on?

That looks like good news, huh?

What?

What, no.

Looked like good news, huh?

I mean is it an emergency?

No, it's... uh...

Well, I've heard it, don't worry about it.

No, I know it but it is...

You know it's like my sister and she's...

It's not, you said it's not an emergency.

No.

But it is though, I didn't realize at first what it was, and it's... she's like...

You can tell me.

It's like the whole thing that I couldn't stay for like... stay for the date?

Yeah, I mean I have to go because-

You have to leave?

What happened, just tell me what happened?

I gotta... I gotta go.

What happened?

My sister's dead so I gotta go.

You said... your sister's dead, Erin?

♪

Your sister's awful.

There has to be a good reason.

Morning.

Hi. I'm sorry, did you tell people that I was dead?

Oohh, yeah.

I had to get out of a date, so...

See, I told you it was going to be for a good reason.

Yeah.

Smart.

How did you tell people I d*ed?

I didn't give like a specific reason, but I assume they probably just thought it was like an eating disorder or whatever.

Anyway, we can like obviously like, leak something if you want it to be different, pills or whatever.

Should we...

g*nsh*t.

Should we leak something before we clear it up that I'm not dead?

Yeah.

Anyway, you're alive, I [bleep] James Franco last night, things are looking up.

Yiichkk.

Just the thought of you naked bums me out.

Let's have breakfast.

We're grounded girls.

We don't feel the need to succumb to like the desperation in L.A.

Your kids are going to Inner Smile?

They are!

Who do I have to sleep with to get her into this school?

I'll do it.

You could have Erin do it for you.

Isn't that what she does?

This is Courtney Cox, you can't just go ring her gate.

Hi, Er... Erin Foster.

I swear to god, if you embarrass me at this school function...

I'm not going to embarrass you.

You will be evicted.

Oh my god, Courtney Cox is here.

I have a hundred and...

That's very uncomfortable for me...

Forty... two doll...

I wish you'd stop touching me.

Yeah...

That's a vicious lie.