06x05 - With Great Power...

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Owen, will you do me a favor?

Go get this kid's parents. I want them to see this.

No can do, Lola.

I got an emergency chopper coming in on the roof.

Please?

For me?

Damn, girl. (sniffs)

You know I can't say no to you when you look at me like that.

Thanks.

I saw what you did back there.

What?

The way you get people to do things for you.

I don't know what you're talking about, Chief.

I mean, people just do things for me because of my beautiful hair and my flawless skin and my perfect melons.

There's more to it than that.

I think it has something to do with the way you pout.

It's super cute.

Let's try it. Ask me to do something for you.

Okay. Chief, uh, would you be a dear and go get me some Chinese food?

(scoffs) Go to hell, bitch!

Hey!

Okay, now let's try it with the pout.

Okay.

Chief, would you be a dear...

Oh, I'd do anything for you, bitch!

Gah!

(laughing) Blake, Glenn... he's in the cafeteria, and he was drinking milk and laughing so hard that blood starting coming out of his penis.

You've got to come see this.

I got to go pick up my son, Billy, at school.

It's blood coming out of his penis! Now, come on!

(groans) Oh, what to do -- go enjoy Glenn's bleeding penis, or be a good father to my child?

You know what?

I'm gonna sort this out on my way to the break room to enjoy Glenn's bleeding penis.

Yeah!

Oh, there you are. Lola.

Hm.

I'd like to introduce you to our new chairman of the board.

Professor Leonard Hillman.

Lola Spratt! My goodness.

I was Lola's professor back in medical school.

Oh, he was much more than just a professor.

He was a member of the faculty at a post-graduate learning institution.

So a professor! Yeah.

It'd be wonderful if Lola could give me sort of a tour of the hospital.

I'm so sorry, but she's on her rounds.

Sy.

O-of course she can.

How about a bite to eat first?

(both) Meatball subs with onions and pickles!

(both laugh)

Sy, be a dear and run to the deli for us.

No, I really have to deliver these magazines to the waiting room.

Please, Sy.

Oh, I can't help but say yes to that.

I'm on my way.

Great.

Say...

Remember that time when I gave you a pop quiz and you hadn't studied?

(both laugh) Yeah.

It came out of his penis!

Yeah. Yeah.

And it was blood!

And it was blood!

Yeah. That's the funny part -- it wasn't milk.

Did you forget something, Blake?

What? Oh, picking Billy up at school?

No. No, I didn't do that on purpose.

You cannot keep shirking your parenting duties like this.

(sighing) Okay.

Billy...

If I had picked you up at school, I would have missed seeing a coworker in a mildly embarrassing situation.

I mean, you got that, right?

This has got to stop, Blake.

Dori, the guy was busy.

Give him a mulligan, okay?

I will give you a mulligan.

Thank you.

If you go see a family mediator with me and Billy.

Oh, okay. Deal.

Deal. (chuckles)

Here.

Thank you for the mulligan.

Remember, you have to refrigerate it after you open it.

I know how to take care of a mulligan.

Hey.

What's wrong with these children?

They're bored because Sy forgot the magazines.

Oh, my God.

Sy forgot to deliver the Highlights because he was getting meatball subs.

I used my powers of persuasion for selfish purposes, and now these children are suffering because of me.

Then you've got to make this right.

So it is her problem, not mine.

Does this resonate with you, Dori?

I just want Billy to have a father in his life.

And I suppose you want me to be that father!

Well, i-it would make sense, because you-- you are his father.

See? This is exactly what I'm talking about.

I literally don't understand what he's saying.

Unbelievable, this woman!

You're just proving Blake's point.

I think I see what's happening here.

Well, please explain it to me.

I used to be like you when I was your age, Blake.

Really?

Yes. I may not have been a clown doctor...

Ha.

...but I did wear bloody scrubs and circus makeup.

I wear both of those things.

How about we get together after work and throw the old pigskin around a bit?

What do you say, kiddo?

Ah! Come on, cut it out!

(both laugh)

Yeah. I...

Yeah?

...I'd really like that.

Yeah?

So, voted -- Mondays will remain Mondays.

But the discussion of Tuesdays will be postponed till the next board meeting, which will be... Tuesday.

sh**t.

All right, any other new business?

I have a motion.

I propose that we install video games in the waiting room for the kids.

All in favor, raise your hands.

Well, I'm sorry, Lola.

It seems as though you were outvoted.

Please?

Hmm?

And I think they should be free.

Free.

Like, super free.

(all chanting) Free!

(birds chirping)

(sighs)

Where were you yesterday?

I had a thing. You get it, right?

I looked like a jerk in front of the other kids.

I waited in that park all night long.

Do you know what happens in that park at night?

Terrible things.

Terrible things.

You have every right to be angry with me, Blake.

Tell you what. Tonight, the bar association is having its annual mediator-son square dance, and my son is dead, so how about you come with me?

(scoffs) Short answer... Yes, I would love to come with you to the annual bar association's mediator-son square dance because your son is dead, exactly as you suggest.

(chuckles)

Hey, video games are here. So, how's it going?

We've only made $2 thus far.

No, Chet, these are supposed to be free.

That's not what Professor Hillman told me, and he's chairman of the board.

You're just some beautiful, sexy doctor with fantastic melons.

Where's that man?

Um, he said something like,

"I'm gonna be up on the roof."

(scoffing) oh.

Sounds just like him.

I thought I'd find you here.

Because I said, "I'll be on the roof"?

That's right.

The video games were supposed to be free, Leonard.

What are you doing, cashing in on those kids?

Do you know how much it costs to run this hospital?

Literally thousands.

Right, but... be a dear and make the video games free, would you?

No.

I'm aware that others can't resist when you make your little pout, but it won't work on me.

You see... I'm completely blind.

What?!

But the discussion of Tuesdays will be postponed till the next board meeting, which will be... Tuesday.

sh**t.

Say, remember that time that I gave you that pop quiz and you hadn't studied?

Put your exams right here in the basket on the way out.

Hey, you didn't see me cheating, did you?

You do know that I'm blind, right?

Lola, you have such promise.

Join me. We can use our powers together.

What powers do you have?

Lola? Oh, hey. (chuckles)

Sorry it took me so long to get your Chinese food.

Oh. Anyway.

As you always say, it's the results that count.

I'll demonstrate.

Chief, push Lola off the roof.

What? No!

I said, "push Lola... off the roof."

Yes, sir.

Wait, how did-- how did you--

It's my imperious gaze.

You're not the only one with quasi-magical facial gestures.

I just want to throw you off the roof, bitch.

I can't resist!

Okay, Chief, please, wait.

Please.

Be a sweetie, would you, and do me a favor, and push Leonard off the roof instead?

(yowls)

Chief, follow through with the instructions I gave you.

But, Chief, do me this kindness, okay, and push Leonard off, okay?

Chief. Chief. Chief. Chief.

Chief! Chief! Chief! Chief.

Aah!

Oh!

I can't stand to see Chief suffer anymore.

Fine, okay? You win.

I always do.

I concede.

Shake on it?

Fine.

That doesn't feel like your hand.

Be a sweetie, would you, and just formally resign from the hospital board and never, ever come back?

Your face... It's making that little pout... So cute.

I feel the emotion coursing through your lips.

It's overpowering me.

It's too much. That's it.

You win.

I resign... from life.

Wait. Wait. What? No. Don't jump.

No.

Let me go, Lola.

No!

I can't live in a world where I'm unable to be an evil chairman of the board.

Even a cretin like you deserves to live!

I said, "Let me go!"

So powerful.

(gasps)

(screams)

No!

(body splats)

(gasps)

What?

Whoa.

(laughing) Yuck!

Oh, my God, what else can we throw off the roof?

♪ Swing your partner around and around ♪
♪ Push her in the toilet and flush her down ♪

(fiddle music plays)

Everybody, stop talking for one second and listen.

What kind of mediator says they're gonna meet a client and consistently lets them down?

Let's keep in mind this is about Billy.

Dori, please.

You have to let other people try and get a word in!

Hold on a second. I think I see what happened here.

Seems like Mr. Richards orchestrated all of this so Dr. Dad could understand what it's like to be in my shoes and have a better awareness over his own behavior.

Now, isn't that right, Mr. Richards?

Uh...

Oh, my God. Of course.

Well, the next time I, uh, neglect Billy here, I'll know exactly why I'm doing it.

Thank you, Mr. Richards.

You're like a father to me.

Oh.

And thank you, Billy.

You're more like a mediator to me than Mr. Richards ever was.

(laughs)

It's almost like I was a better son to you as your mediator than I ever was your son.

Hm.

Or as your mediator ever was to you as a mediator.

Yeah.

Not one bit of mediating is h--

Mom! Shh! The men are talking!

As I was saying before Mom totally steamrolled me--

You know what? I can't even remember what I was gonna say.

Unbelievable.

(scoffs)

Happy now?

♪ Call your dogs and grab your g*n ♪
♪ Let's start dancin' and have some fun ♪
♪ Peru and Bolivia are not very far ♪
♪ 'cause Brazil, as we know, is where we are ♪

Yee-haw!

♪ Let's do a left-hand star ♪

(grunting)

Hey! Hey! Hey!