06x20 - I'd Leave My Happy Home For You

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "The Vampire Diaries"...

Elena: Kai is trapped in a 1903 prison world.

So Kai's gone?

As in for good.

I'm pregnant.

Marry me.

Yes!

I've always wanted a family.

It's never gonna happen for me.

Jo: Before the 1900s, Lily fell in with a group of witches that were cast out of the Gemini coven.

Heretics are ruthless, vampires with witch power.

They can never be allowed to escape.

Enzo: You turned me and left me on a passenger ship full of headless corpses.

Lily: No. The night I turned you, my friends and I were captured by the Gemini coven.

The ascendant is the only thing that can get my people back.

Elena: If I was human, we wouldn't work.

Exactly.

Lily: The cure to vampirism.

I left it out for you to find since Damon was never going to offer it to you.

Why would you keep it a secret from me?

I'm so in love with you and I don't want to lose you.

I don't want to live without you either.

You're gonna take the cure, Elena, and I'm gonna take it with you.

(Cell phone vibrates)

Don't tell me... you've bailed on your shift, and you're headed here to help me grade papers.

Aw. You know me so well, except for the part where I would rather be covered in Mrs. Robinson's intestinal bile than grading term papers.

So I'll take that as a no.

I just realized that tonight is my last shift as a single woman.

I can't wait to marry you.

And I am counting the days.

Me, too.

(Floor creaks)

Dr. Laughlin?

Yes.

Hi. I'm Officer Baker.

Is there somewhere private we can speak?

Sure.

What's this about?

I'm here regarding professor Saltzman.

I understand you two are engaged to be married.

Is something wrong?

Nope.

Everything is just right.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wow!

Oh... Oh, my God. No. I don't think so.

Elena and Bonnie: Surprise!

(Music playing)

No, no, no. This is not really happening.

Whoo!

Happy bachelorette!

Happy bachelorette!

What the hell's going on?

Happy bachelor party!

(Cheering)

(Music playing)

An entire diner to ourselves?

Actual heaven.

If Caroline were here, we would be planning a spa day.

But now she's M.I.A.

Elena: Understandable.

Jo: Considering...

So I figured we'd just stuff our faces.

You're geniuses.

Except aren't you a vegetarian?

Bonnie, don't ruin it.

I'm just saying that's not exactly a garden burger.

The baby is not ok with the no meat thing.

Besides, it's my party, and I'll eat what I want to.

I do wish this was vodka, though.

Right.

Hey. I don't want to know what Ric's doing, do I?

Probably at the movies.

Yeah, or... or mini golf.

Uh, uh.

Uh.

I need ketchup.

So are we gonna talk about it?

What?

Seriously?

You're gonna make your best friend have to pry it out of you.

I know about the cure, Elena.

You do?

How is it even possible?

Damon called me last night, and he told me everything, including his insane plan to take it with you.

Damon called you?

He needed someone to talk to after you left the conversation without telling him what you were thinking.

That's not exactly how it happened.

And I quote...

"She stared at me like I was an alien and then basically teleported out of the room."

Damon Salvatore stands in front of you and tells you that he wants to become a human again.

Wouldn't you freak out?

I just... I needed some time to process.

I mean, 24 hours ago, I didn't even think it was possible to become a human again.

But you want to be a human again.

Yeah.

Well, I did.

Honestly, it's all just very complicated right now.

You guys aren't full, are you?

What do you mean you offered to take the cure?

I just... I was standing there, and it just sort of came out.

Ok. So how the hell does that even work?

It's easy.

Elena guzzles it, goes back to her old human self, I feed on her, and as long as no one sucks it out of me, then we grow old and die of the common cold.

Ok. So you screwed up, and now you're freaking out.

I didn't screw up.

Damon, if you take that cure, you can never be a vampire ever again.

Right?

Listen to me.

You're writing checks your ass can't cash, all right?

Now you're getting cold feet.

Are you projecting?

You seriously want to be a human?

I want to be with Elena.

And what did Stefan say?

Do you honestly want to spend your last night as a single man debating my existential crisis?

Damon, tell me you told your brother of 166 years that you're planning on becoming human.

I will.

Eventually.

Hmm?

To you.

(Music playing)

I'm sorry I'm late.

Well, considering the guy who lives here tried to k*ll us a few days ago, I don't blame you.

Yeah, but we're here for Ric, right?

I'm here for the free booze.

Ooh.

Beer plus pain meds equals another trip to the hospital.

You chose now to learn math?

Who the hell invited you?

Damon.

Never been to a bachelor party before.

I can see the appeal.

Where's Stefan?

Don't know, don't care.

Caroline on voicemail: Hey! It's Caroline, but, duh, you knew that because you called, so leave a message, and I'll call you back.

Bye!

You're so happy in your voicemail.

Speaking of happy, uh, that thumping bass you hear in the background, that's, um, Damon's genius idea to host Ric's bachelor party despite the fact that our mother apparently lives here now, who I've been ducking, by the way, in case you haven't noticed.

I guess what I'm saying is call me back.

Otherwise, I'm gonna start running out of reasons to avoid everything that is going on in my life right now.

Kind of like what you're doing, which is completely understandable but just really crappy timing for me and my problems.

You should be here.

Come home.

That was utterly adorable.

What are you doing in my bedroom?

Oh, believe me, there are a number of places I'd rather be...

Strapped to a gurney, having my spleen cut out for instance.

Unfortunately for me, I'm here because your mother needs your help.

My mother?

Apparently, her beloved ascendant's been destroyed.

She's in bad shape.

Could use a bit of your time.

What the hell do you know about my mother?

(Indistinct chatter)

(Heart b*ating)

(Lily's finger tapping bar)

Hello, mother.

I think it's time you and I have a talk.

This is entirely unnecessary.

I was merely getting a breath of fresh air.

Mmm.

What you got there, a junkie tic?

I have the same thing.

It's funny how that works, isn't it?

What is this, some kind of...

Mother and Son bonding experiment?

No, no. You made your feelings for me perfectly clear when you had to spin a web of lies to snap my humanity back on.

I don't know what Enzo told you, but I assure you I'm fine.

You know, Enzo told me a lot of things, including that after losing all hope of getting your friends back you went off the deep end last night.

A momentary lapse.

I mean, I figured since you passed the ripper gene on to me...

Thank you for that, by the way...

We could talk about it.

There's nothing to talk about.

You know... ahem...

Personally when I start feeling like I'm gonna go over the edge, I begin to salivate in the back of my mouth.

Does that ever happen to you?

And then my veins, they begin to itch uncontrollably, and the hunger consumes me...

Every sound, every scent.

The world around me falls apart, and all I can hear is the pulsing of someone's blood, and all I feel is that it belongs to me.

(Finger tapping)

Heh.

But I guess you don't have that problem, right?

(Music playing)

Drinking yourself to death.

That your big plan for the future?

Just taking a page from your playbook.

Oh, sorry. All the pages.

Ahh.

How about we get out of here?

Come on.

I'll drive you home.

How's the deputy training program?

Is that why you're being a d*ck?

Part of it.

Remember, I'm on injured reserve, so you'll have to fill me in.

Deputy Taylor finally stopped calling me cupcake.

I guess that's progress.

Maybe that's because deputy Taylor's on medical leave for a week after you kicked his ass in front of the trainees.

Yeah? Well, you know what? He had it coming.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Are you that incapable of not raging out?

This program was a chance for you to do something with your life.

No. That's what it is for you because I realized one day doing this job might mean that I have to sh**t someone, to k*ll them, and I don't ever want to be a werewolf again.

It doesn't have to be like that, Ty.

You just need some self control.

Watch yourself, Matt.

Control it, Ty. Come on.

You're not worth it.

(Music playing)

Damon: Where are you, and please tell me you're with the stripper.

Picture that and then picture the exact opposite.

I'm with our mother.

Now I don't want to picture anything.

Did you know that she was the one who turned Enzo?

That's mathematically impossible.

Enzo turned in 19... 03. Apparently, they were on a boat together back to New York.

He was sick, and she took pity on him.

And here we thought she didn't have a maternal bone in her body.

She also has a little bit of a ripper thing going on.

That little stunt you pulled with the ascendant put her in a blood tizzy.

Well, then why is she out and about?

Lock her ass up and rejoin the party, brother.

Yeah, I will, if it comes to that.

Anything else?

Nope.

Just love to mom. Heh. Kidding.

See? Now that's what I call a missed opportunity.

Perfect time to tell your brother you're hanging up your fangs for a pair of khakis.

No idea what you're talking about.

Yes, you do.

I might have plied Alaric with enough alcohol to slur the news into my ear.

Well, you are the last person who gets to criticize me for withholding information, my brother from the same mother.

You were gonna tell me Lily turned you?

Yeah, once you mastered the art of returning phone calls.

I've been busy.

What, with the prospect of taking the cure?

No point in agonizing. You won't go through with it.

Says who?

You.

You're selfish, Damon.

Being human isn't what you really want.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I like that about you.

A man should be consistent, but take it from someone who you left to burn to death in order to save your own skin, no one changes that much, even under the magical influence of Elena Gilbert.

Anyway, cheers, mate.

(Music playing)

So basically, Damon did the vampire version of a marriage proposal, and you just walked away.

I said I would think about it.

Why are we talking about me?

This is your party.

Trust me, I would much rather talk about that than the fact that I have yet to find a nonhideous wedding gown or that I can't ask my sister to be my maid of honor because she won't return my phone calls or the fact that I cannot stop eating literally, like, ever.

So big decision. Go.

I think you should take it.

Decision made.

What if I miss the perks?

Like compelling the owner of a diner to close early for us, or what if I get sick?

Or what if the human you doesn't love Damon anymore?

Someone had to say it.

That's ridiculous.

Being supernatural doesn't change who you are.

I should know. I'm an ex Witch who's about to marry an ex Vampire.

Deep down, you know who you are and what you want.

Love's always gonna require a huge leap of faith, a big scary leap over a hot pit of lava, and you might end up heartbroken, but you might be the happiest person on the face of the earth.

Personally, I'm glad I took that leap.

(Cell phone chimes)

Speak of the devil.

Elena, voice-over: Let me guess... you got a lap dance, and now you feel guilty.

Damon: How'd you know?

Very funny.

You may have partied us under the table, but at least I'm on a junk food high.

Is that why you're walking around town, eating French fries?

Look up.

What are you doing up there?

Oh, I'm just clearing my head.

Asked a girl a really big question last night.

She just sort of left me hanging.

Echh. What a flake.

That's all right.

She's probably just doing some soul searching.

Want some?

You deliver?

Hmm.

See? Sublimating can be fun.

You're mocking me.

I am not mocking you.

I'm... I'm teaching you how to divert an instinctual impulse into a socially acceptable activity.

Look. It's either this or squirrel blood unless you're a rabbit person.

You ever try to hunt a rabbit?

Humbling.

Imagine cherishing something for 150 years and then imagine that being ripped away from you.

Believe me, it's devastating.

My friends are gone.

Let me grieve.

Your grief is attracting a lot of attention, and you're lucky I'm not Damon because you would be locked in a cell by now.

But not you.

You feel the need to connect, or is this strictly a ripper-to-ripper pep talk?

Reformed ripper, who happens to think this relationship is worth saving.

No. No. I can't do this.

You were the only one who was able to flip my humanity back on.

Damon fed me a story.

And it worked!

All I'm saying is maybe deep down you still feel something for me.

Stefan, the woman who raised you lived under the hand of a cheating, abusive husband.

She was weak, she got sick and d*ed, and then a new Lily was born, a powerful Lily who took what she wanted and found a family that embraced her, so when I look at you, it's... it's not that I don't love you.

It's that I'm reminded of that pathetic woman when all I want to do is forget that she ever existed.

Well, then let's start over, clean slate, and let me help you get through this.

We can start something new.

You just...

You have to trust me.

You never could look me in the eyes when you were telling me a lie.

Aah!

(Screaming)

Ugh! Ah!

(People screaming)

Sorry about the mess.

(Screaming continues)

Elena: I love it up here.

Soak it in while you can and load up on fries because transfat is no friend to humans.

Ha!

Did you mean it when you told me you'd take the cure, or were you just afraid that you were gonna lose me?

Honestly, a bit of both.

Yeah. Well, here's what I'm afraid of.

I'm afraid that if you do take it you'll lose something else that you love, being a vampire, and we're not gonna be happy if you resent me for the rest of our lives.

I don't know.

I'm pretty sexy when I'm resentful.

Seriously. Come on, Damon.

Are you ready to give all this up?

To be continued.

I want to show you something.

Where are we going?

Well, down for starters unless you want to wuss out and take the stairs.

You only live once, right?

Once or twice.

You know, it's bad form to drink a thousand dollar bottle of bourbon all by yourself.

So you're really doing this, huh, taking the plunge, starting a family here?

Yeah.

Guess that's the plan.

Want some drunk advice?

Sure.

I've got 30 stitches in my side.

All my friends are K*llers except you.

You're a human, which means it's a miracle you're still alive.

You're a d*ck if you're ok with bringing a kid into this.

Well, if that's your bachelor toast, it really sucks.

Leave town. That's my advice.

Take your happy fiancee, your unborn baby, and your miracle life and get out before it's too late.

You left dinner early because you weren't feeling well.

You won't remember anything unusual that happened here tonight.

Now go home.

Ahh. Broken glassware, the overwhelming scent of fresh blood.

I see the family reunion went without a hitch.

And what the hell took you so long?

I had to compel the entire restaurant myself.

I was looking for Damon. Word is that he took off to find Elena.

Yeah. Well, he's not picking up his cell phone right now, which means it's just you and me.

Just you and me.

Tsk. Aw.

Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

Suppose we ought to get used to it.

What the hell are you talking about?

Ahh.

That's right.

You haven't heard.

Damon has the cure, and if we're to believe his bluster, he plans on taking it with Elena.

Heh. I think I would know if my brother were planning on turning human.

Based on the look of shock on your face, you don't.

Ahh. So we can either stand here and debate the merits of Damon's word, or we can split up and find your mum before she rips their heads off.

Which is it gonna be?

Bad news. Damon h*jacked Elena, so do you want to take this party somewhere else?

Yes, to my bed if I can walk.

Oh, my God.

Good evening, Miss Bennett.

I was out for a walk, and I saw you through the window, and I thought,

"I know her.

That young lady ruined my life."

Who is this?

Lily Salvatore.

Be careful.

Bonnie destroyed something very dear to me, and now all I feel is insatiable hunger.

I didn't do it to spite you, Lily.

I did it to keep Kai trapped.

Surely there's another way to rescue my friends.

There is no other way, and even if I could help, I wouldn't.

Unh!

Now let it go and get out.

Unh!

Your mistake.

(Groaning)

No, please!

I'm pregnant!

(Two hearts b*ating)

Twins.

What?

Good luck to you.

(Music playing)

Stay calm. I'm gonna help you.

Damon: What's your favorite thing about being a vampire?

Well, I guess if I had to choose one thing, it would be that I can heal people.

Said no vampire ever.

Ok. Well, then enlighten me.

I like all of it...

The speed, the feed, everything so heightened, and eternally looking great in a black leather jacket's not the worst thing.

I'm forgetting something, though.

Hmm.

Oh, I remember.

Getting in people's heads is quite a bit of fun, too.

My old house.

You won't remember this, but this is the first place I ever kissed you.

Another very happy memory Ric scrubbed from your brain.

But this isn't real.

It's a fantasy.

You put this in my brain.

Isn't that the point?

I mean, as epic as this life is, we'd be giving up so much more if we didn't do this.

I've had so much fantasy in my life, Elena, enough for 100 lifetimes.

I'd give it all up for one life with you.

(Music continues)

You brought it with you.

Well, I wasn't gonna leave it in the soap dish.

I want this, Damon.

No matter how much it scares me, I can't pretend that I don't.

I know you do.

You've wanted this since the day you became a vampire.

For you, there's no going back.

That's never been my style.

And you're impulsive and reckless!

And madly in love with you forever, no matter how long that's gonna be, and taking this cure, Elena, won't change that.

I'm ready for a little reality if you are.

(Music continues)

I love you.

Till death do us part.

Bottoms up.

How do you feel?

I don't know. I...

I kind of feel...

Elena: It all looks so good.

Damon: So what looks good?

Sorry.

You first.

How about eggplant parmesan?

You're an eggplant girl, huh?

Is that bad?

You don't like eggplant.

Love it. Just taking notes, mental notes.

For what? For a second date?

I was thinking 5 year anniversary.

Hang on!

I'm gonna get you home. You're gonna be all right.

Elena, hey.

Hey.

You scared the crap out of me.

I think I'm... I'm ok.

What happened?

We were on our first date.

What?

Yeah.

Damon! Damon... I'm getting... I'm getting my memories back.

Damon, the cure, it undid the compulsion. I...

It worked.

Yeah. Well, wait.

Ahh.

It's not healing.

Damon, it's not healing. That means it's... it worked, it worked.

How you feeling about that?

I feel...

I feel like I want to kiss you.

(Cell phone ringing)

Hang on.

It's Stefan.

Better be good, brother.

Elena and I are having a moment.

Stefan: Damon, do not take that cure.

What?

How do you even know about that?

Lily got away from me, so it's a really bad time to be a human.

What's going on?

You were right.

We got to lock her up.

What is he saying. I...

I can't hear anymore.

Apparently, mama Salvatore's...

(Gasp)

I'm sorry, but I won't be imprisoned again.

I didn't have to turn into this person.

I kept her at bay for so long, but my sons, they ruined everything.

They were just trying to help.

Look at me.

They're not helping!

You're bleeding.

You took the cure.

You're human.

You don't want to feed on me.

Yes...

Please.

Elena, I do.

No... No!

Aah!

(Coughing)

Really? Come on.

Lily: Elena!

(Breathing heavily)

Focus.

No...

It's ok. It's ok.

Usually, we don't yank out penetrating objects in the field, but don't worry.

Here. Squeeze my hand if you have trouble breathing.

No squeeze?

Good. That's really good.

Come on. Up, up.

(Wheezes)

No, no. Don't... don't try and talk.

I heard what she said... twins...

Which means I'm number one on Kai's most wanted list.

Congratulations. You have been bumped to number two, so thank you for destroying that stupid ascendant, and I hope you meant what you said, that there's no way to get out of that prison world.

I promise.

He's not getting out.

Worst bachelorette party ever, right?

Let's get to the hospital, ok?

Elena on cell phone: I got to the tunnels.

She came through the Grill.

She might still be there.

We're right outside, so get home.

We'll deal with her.

Elena's safe. Get up.

We need to find Lily.

Yeah.

I'm fine. Thanks for asking.

Ugh.

So were you gonna tell me, or was it just... easier to be your normal, dickish self?

What do you think?

I think being a human is the last thing you want.

I want to be with Elena, Stefan.

Do you have any idea what it feels like for me to have to hear it from Enzo, to have no say as to whether I lose my brother or not?

Ugh.

Of course I know what it feels like.

Why do you think I didn't tell you?

Can we go find our mother?

(Crying)

Look what you've done to your mother.

I'm a mess.

In a few days or months or years, you'll feel different.

What does it matter if I'm alone, terrified of falling off the edge?

I suppose I'd be like you, wouldn't I?

Sad and alone.

(Sighs)

(Gasps)

No, no, no, no, no.

You don't want to do that.

Please don't do that.

Stay alive for us, your sons, the ones who I know that deep down inside you still care about...

And who still care about you.

You're looking into my eyes.

You always had such pretty eyes.

You ok?

Hey. Oh, my God.

It's ok. It's not my blood. It's ok.

How... how's Bonnie?

She's fine. Damon gave her some of his blood.

What about you? How are... how are you? How's the baby?

It's, uh, babies actually.

Turns out there's two of them cooking in there.

Twins.

Ok.

Look. The more the merrier.

Ha ha.

Even if Kai never escapes that prison, my family's gonna try and take them from us.

A new Gemini twin merge is the only thing that can strip Kai of his power.

We won't let them find out.

How is that possible?

Because after the wedding, we're gonna disappear.

We're gonna go somewhere where your family can't find us.

Alaric, I can't ask you to give your whole life up for me.

You, the baby... babies...

You are my life, and all I care about is keeping you safe.

Good news from the front lines.

Bonnie is ok, Jo is ok, and Lily has been laid down for a long winter's nap.

Well, you look lost in thought.

I remember everything, every moment.

It's like a million tiny, little pieces of my heart have fallen back into place.

I remember the moment that we met, the moment that we fell in love, how much I didn't want to love you, but it was like... it was like I was being swept up into a current. I... I...

I was consumed by it.

That's a good thing, right?

Damon, I remember everything, every kiss, every conversation.

I still don't see how that's bad.

We've already had this discussion, Damon, about the cure on the island.

What? No. That was totally different.

Was it? Because I remember it like it was just yesterday.

Take the cure with me.

That's how much I know this is real.

That's how certain I am that I'm gonna love you even after this is all over.

Take the cure.

Be human with me.

You know, I used to miss being human.

Now I can't think of anything more miserable on earth.

Elena, voice-over: You walked away from me because you didn't want me to change your mind because you don't want this.

Hey. That was a long time ago.

You haven't thought this through.

What?! No!

You're so afraid of losing me that you've convinced yourself that you can endure a human life.

Don't tell me what to think.

Ok. Fine.

What about Stefan? What does he think?

I don't care what Stefan thinks!

I've made up my mind. I'm not gonna have him drown me in a fountain of guilt and have me change my mind.

Damon, I love you more than I ever thought was humanly possible.

I'm not trying to hurt you, but I can't let you do this, not before you've let everyone in your life try to talk you out of it, including you.

Lily: Hello?

Look who's awake.

Lorenzo, is that you?

Just wanted to make sure you're in good hands.

Let me out so we can speak like civilized people.

Stefan: That's not gonna happen.

I can take it from here.

She's fragile.

She should be around someone she trusts.

I said I can take it from here.

(Sighs)

I'll come visit, Lily.

This is a family matter now.

You know, earlier, you asked me what it'd feel like to have something I cherished for 150 years ripped away from me.

You're right.

I'd be devastated.

A little late to win me over.

It's never too late. That's the upside of eternity.

You'll be my mother for the next century and the one after that and the one after that, and one day, maybe not soon, but one day...

You'll see me as your son.

Stefan...

You have no idea what devastation feels like...

But you will because I am going to find a way to get my people back, no matter what it takes.

(Whistling "Shine")

("Shine" playing)

(Ringing bell)

Come and get it.

♪ Show me where to look ♪

Kai: Big breakfast for a big day!

♪ What will I find? ♪
♪ Lay me on the ground and fly me in the sky ♪
♪ show me where to look ♪
♪ And tell me what will I find ♪
♪ What will I find? ♪

It's time we get the hell out of this place.