01x01 - Season 1, Episode 1

Episode transcripts for the 2015 TV show "Spotless". Aired: November 2015 to April 2015.
Set in London, "Spotless" is the story of a troubled crime scene cleaner, Jean, whose tidy life is turned upside down when his outlaw brother Martin crash lands into his world, entangling them in the deadly dynamics of organized crime.
Post Reply

01x01 - Season 1, Episode 1

Post by bunniefuu »

Do you want to run away?

Sometimes I...

I think about escape.

From what?



What would you do?

I don't know.

Nothing maybe.

That's legitimate.

Is it legitimate... to hide?

I'm not hiding.

Nobody knows you're here seeing me today, do they?

Perhaps you're trying to sabotage your own life.

f*ck you.

No, f*ck you.

Change the subject, please.

What about your family, if you went...

Went where?

A desert island.

Under the wheels of a train.


Your family.

They're young. They'd adapt. I did.

Look how you turned out.

Again, f*ck you.

Very defensive.

No, I'm not.

Did you see any d*ad people today?

Wanna talk about it?

I had a great f*cking day.

You, cleaning guy.


Who is he?

Some maintenance.

Iraqi, Turkish, something.

Just sign at the bottom, please.

Isn't this an outrageous amount of money for a bit of mopping up.

Well, your jumper fell eight floors, head first.

Big impact.

Blood borne pathogens, brain matter, skull fragments, hair, teeth, feces.

10 meter radius. 15 maybe.

A breeding ground for disease: hep B and C, HIV, God forbid...

Why did he jump?

Who gives a shit?

Here you go.

Do you think you're obsessed with death?

I've been near it all my life.

Seen it.

It impacts on everybody around.

You're not responsible for everybody.

I said, you're not responsible for everybody.

I heard you.

I'm not sure this is working for me.

Why do you have a mistress?

I wouldn't call her a "mistress".

What would you call her?

A woman.

Your wife's a woman.

My wife's a great woman.

So why do you f*ck the mistress?

Is she a trophy?

A reward for all your success?

I don't think of people like that.

She's... a secret.

A damaging secret.


You keep a lot of secrets.

I don't want to talk about me anymore.

Let's talk about you.

What do you wanna know?

What's going on in your head right now?

I'm thinking...

I'm tired of this game.

And I want to f*ck your right now.

I'm thinking you might be the second best lover I've ever had.

Second best?

Well, not so bad.

I don't know.

It's a very short list.

You're a little passive-aggressive today.

I get like that when I'm horny.

Maybe you should consider a real therapy.


I have to go.

Run along then.

Do you have a shift right now?

I work in a shop. If I lose this job I'll get another one.

That simple, uh?

I owe nothing. I own nothing. And I'm free as a bird.

Work to live, baby. Don't live to work.

Go on.

Run along. Bills to pay.

Body has lain inside all summer.

It's a full-mask job.

A hundred years from now, Lady Gaga will be mentioned in the same breath as Mozart or Beethoven.

She's a f*cking dancer who got lucky.

She's an icon!

Her face looks like my foot.

If we're gonna start judging people on how they look, you better duck for cover.

You're discriminating against people of the ginger persuasion.

Don't talk to me about discrimination, man.

You're pulling the black card.

The Irish were the original blacks.

The blacks were the original blacks.

Old man, d*ed in the armchair. Been there 7 weeks.

Postman noticed the smell.

Bodily fluids pulled inside the chair.

Leakage to the carpet and sub floor.

Rodents have been at him on the right side.

Ring finger.

What remains of it.

f*cking rats!

The chair goes, this whole section of carpet up to the wall.

Skirting, get a mini-skip.

Do we really have to do the sub floor?

It's a condemned house.

This was someone's life.

Show some respect.

I'm really sorry.

I was so busy.

I couldn't just drop everything, you know.

You know why we're here?

Maddy, us, all these people? Why are we all here?

Uh, 'cause it's a great school, and we want Maddy to get in.

And, school is important.

No, f*ck you, you don't get to be the fun one. You were late.

And it was me standing like an idiot in the corridor, because both parents have to be present for the interview.

Let's go now.

No, they're done for the day.

I'll talk to them.

You know what, it's our last chance. You f*cked it up before.

Oh, come on.

You did, Dad, you f*cked up.


I'm really, really sorry.

I know they want to see commitment from parents, I get that.

Well, I told you had an unforeseen emergency. But... we need to make an impression.

You know, the sooner we make the music room donation, the better.


They're raising funds for a new music room. We agreed £2,000.

That's now?

When did you think it was?

Kendrick: Meet me at the bar in 45min.

I don't know.


Yes, f*cking now! What are you doing?

I gotta go. I can't cancel this guy.

No no no. Come on, no!

OK, uh...

Two grand?

Maureen ?

Is that it?

Unless they've cloned themselves.

Well, it's not enough.

I can't pay what I need to pay with this.

Could I top off of personal funds.

You may have less in your personal account than you think.

Everybody's going.

Well, you're not.

It's just a sleepover.

Alcohol, boys, and God knows what else.

God you're so annoying.

It's my job to be annoying.

There's a man in the kitchen.


Stay here.

Two-rounds single malt, Detective Inspector.

Why do you bother drinking?

You're terrible at it.

Bullshit. I love this f*cking... distilled engine oil you cops drink.

It's a little light.

I'll make it up to you. Temporary cash flow.

You know I'm good for it.

It's not that.

There's a mandatory renegotiation of all procurement contracts.

Internal audit, best practice..


Come on, English is my second language.

They're canceling your contract.

They can't do that!

They can do what they want, John.

They're the f*cking police.

You're invited to bid on a job by job basis.

You're a senior officer. Stop them!

I'm a DCI. Decisions like that are above my head.

Accounts, business affairs...

The value of each contract will drop 40%.

Maybe even 2/3.

40% kills us.

We won't even cover costs.

You all right, John?

Of course.

I have a lust for life.

You know how the French are.

You still good for the rest, yeah?


Yeah, I train on Saturdays, and I play on Sundays.

You do? What are you good at?

I like sport.

Sport? What kind of sport?

Tennis is fun.

Hey, brother!

Dad! Look who's here?

Look who's come to visit.

Surprise! Shocked you?

Yeah, you shocked me.

Told you, didn't I? Like a carp.

So, how... how did you?

He came in through the little window.

You know, the one that you said doesn't need fixing.

I was like 80% sure it was the right house.

Look at this one.

How could a supermodel like this come from an ugly old man like you? Look at his face.

Look at his nose.

He can't be your real father.

Get a DNA test!

And you didn't tell me we had a real life superhero in the family.

Did you leap any tall buildings today?

Save any babies?

Very smart!

Always keep your real identity secret.

And remember only rescue rich and beautiful women.

I like your family.

Yeah, me too.

So, when... how did you get here?

I drove.

Le Renault ?

Cool, right?


What are your plans?

A holiday. Change of scene.

Seven years is too long.

And you, haven't changed a bit.

We... we didn't have a shower.

So every Sunday, it was a bath.

Well, I'm the older brother so I use the water first.

And what I would do, I would peak a little piss in the water...

OK, you know what? It's bed time!

Mom, it's Friday!

It's so bed time.

I can't say "piss"?

Say goodnight to your uncle.

Good night, Uncle Martin.

Good night, buddy.


Faster, faster.

Can I leave you to clear up?

Something wrong?

Nah, just wondering if you hang your b*lls by the door when you come in from work.

I know it won't have reached the Vendée, or Napoli, or wherever you've been lately...


But you know, it's the 21st century in the rest of the world.



What's going on?

I had to take a trip.


Stayed too long in one place.

You in trouble?


You got a nice life.

You ever think about Mom?


I do.

More as I get older.

I'm not getting sentimental over this.

She is in the hospital.

Sometimes she remembers.

I'm through with that.

I went to the house.

It's suffering.

The roof needs attention.

Don't tell me you don't think about it.

You can stay the week-end, play happy families.

Then I need you to go.

I'm sorry.

He'll be gone by Monday.

I can get through a couple days.

He can stay longer, if you want to... build bridges When we were kids, my mom has this belt, an old one, my grandfather's I think.

It hanged on the back of the kitchen door.

Anytime we did something bad, she'd b*at us with it.

I'd fall in the corner, on my back.

Pull myself up into a ball, a smaller target.

Martin would just stand there, and take it.

She'd h*t him, h*t him.

He wouldn't fall.

He was brave.

He always wanted to be the little big man for her.

Œdipe bullshit.

Why has he come?

He's out of options.

Needs my help.

What help?

I don't know yet.

You know, he had an erection in the kitchen.

After dinner, when I was making coffee.

Are you sure?

Either that or he needs to see a doctor. I don't know, the whole time he was standing at the counter, insisting only French know how to make decent coffee, with a huge erection.

Maybe he didn't know.

Oh, he f*cking knew.

What the f*ck are you doing?


I'm just trying to get my freezer inside the garage.

It's the middle of the night!

I know.

I have a generator in the van, it broke down.

And, these things are maybe good for 10h without power.

What? Your ice-cream is melting?


I have a little problem.

Maybe not that little.

She was a drug mule.

What the f*ck?!

I used shrimp to cover the body inside the boat.

We better get her inside quick, I think she's defrosting.

No! No! No! No!

Come on, we're already halfway!

It's not a matter of distance!

Take it back!

Not "it".

Her name was Lydia.

What is going on?

Nothing, Gareth.

It's me, Jean. My brother is visiting.

I'm helping him move.

This is his freezer.

It's 3AM!

I'm on a conference call to the Far East at 7!


Then stop moaning like a little bitch and go to bed.

Lorraine, call the police.

Just f*cking do it!

We'll see how you like that, you French prick!

Damn right I'm a French prick!

You know what? Your wife might life it!

Hey, Lorraine!

What? Why?

You've got a d*ad body!

No, now, we've got a d*ad body.

Listen, I've been to jail.

You wouldn't make it. You're too pretty.


Wait! Stop!

We're making noise.


God, your neighbor is such an assh*le.

Should we be worried about the police?

How the f*ck should I know?

You better start explaining.

Well, it's not that complicated.

Some very bad people in St-Nazaire owe me money. A lot of money.

You k*lled their drug mule?

No, she was already d*ad.

But why should I give her to them when they stole from me?

But the drug is still inside?


Heroin. A lot.

I want you to cut her open, get the dr*gs out.

I sell it. I get my money, and go.

I froze her up as soon as I could.

I don't know nothing about biology, d*ad bodies is your thing.

d*ad bodies are not my thing!

Yes it is. That's what you do.

No, it's not!

I have a crime scene cleaning business.

We attend incidents after the police leave.

The bodies are gone.

We only remove risk of infection, contamination.

We clean.

That's a real job?

Yes, it is.

You know, the last thing a grieving family wants to do is wipe the remains of their loved one off the walls.

You know, vacuum their guts out of the carpet.

So you're not a CSI, laser beams, ballistics and shit?

I'm a crime scene cleaner.

Mops, and bleach, and shit.

Well, it doesn't matter. You need to help me.

No, I don't.

Yes, you do, I have nowhere else.

You brought a d*ad body into my home.

That changes everything.

Be gone by the morning.


You parked on a resident spot.

Everything I own was in that van.

My clothes, my board, my weed.

You brought weed across the border?

Well, I thought if they found a d*ad body, they would let the weed slide.

I loved that f*cking board. I had it 15 years.

Now, I'm sorry you lost your little skateboard, but you'll excuse me if the d*ad body with all the dr*gs inside is still my priority!

You need to help me.

I need money. I need money now!

I need money too.

f*ck you! You think I own all this?


I don't own anything. The bank does!

The bank owns the house, the clothes on my kids' backs!

Well, we have the money right here.

You don't understand that?

The money is right here, right now, inside Lydia.

Whoa, hey! Hey!

I don't want you to do anything!

All right?

Let me figure this out.

Take it.

You're a very important man.

How can you be in this job and be afraid of rats?

They're sinister.

They go around in gangs rounding people with switch blades now?

Everybody's got something.

I can't do underground. Claustrophobic.

Thank god I don't pay you a lot by the hour.

Sitting around, praying for death, Chief.

Job I'll take it.

That way I don't have to pay anyone.

You have a... a lovely home. I'm sorry to disturb it.

It's fine. There's no disturbance.

I thought I would apologize, since you like to control things so much.

I don't like to control things.

You seem a little uptight.

Well, I'm not.

Well, it's cool, you know, sometimes, it's OK to let go.

Oh, I know.

Just wanted to apologize.

Hi. Everything all right?


Is that cement?

Brain matter.

When it dries, the texture is a little like plaster of Paris.

Are you working?

Yeah, I'm almost done.

What are you up to?

Job applications.

Anything good?

Not really.

We got a letter from the school.

Maddy is on the reserve list.

That's great.

Isn't it?

I know they're holding off.

The sooner we make the donation, the better.

I'm on it. Definitely next week.

Why were you calling?

I wanted to tell you I'm...

I love you.

Your bother's pissing in the garden.


I... because it's there.

What happened to you two?

I get the dr*gs out of this d*ad girl, you leave immediately.


And we split the money, 50/50.



This isn't a negotiation.

Split even or nothing.

I may need one more day to set up the deal.

You know someone?


I found a place.

A job we did in West Ham.

The house is due to be demolished. We can do it there.

Why can't we do it at your place?

I'm not gonna do this at my place, you idiot!

Hey, don't call me an idiot.

Get the check, please.

Under no circumstances.



Mom, just please!

Yeah, come on.

Maddy knows her way around, and me and Oliver, we can take any bad guys who gives us trouble.

You know your dad would k*ll me.

Mom, you're just so paranoid.

Let us go!

Kids. kids, kids, kids...

Listen to her. She's right.

Your mother is not comfortable letting go.

We have to respect that.

We thought these dragons were real, so...

We... we found these igloos, and we we thought this was his house...

Hey hey hey hey.

I think this is my meeting.

So why don't you go out and do kid stuff, uh?

Like what?

I don't know. You're 13, do you smoke?


What do you do for kicks?

Hmm, burn stuff.

All right. Don't burn stuff here. Look, that woman over there, is doing tattoos of henna. Get one.

She's not clean.

Build your immune system.

You're with your uncle. Have fun!

Come on, come on. Go go go go go go!

So where did you say it comes from?

I didn't.

Our friend in Oslo does vouch for you.

I worked with Stefan a long time on the Ritz.

You can trust me.

This address.


You know London pretty well.

I know people who know London.

It's a condemned house.

It's safe.

You mind if we talk?

Gotta check on the kids.

Hey, guys. Hey.

What did you get?

She did a snake on my neck. Look.

Your father will be so pleased. What about you, buddy?

Well, maybe not the one that says "f*ck".

Hey, how much for the skull and the tattoo?

Both of them, ah, 10 pounds.

10 pounds? Perfect. Uh, can you watch them for a second?


Thank you, thank you.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, guys, guys!

Where are you going?

I think we're gonna pass.

What do you mean?

Yeah, thanks for making contact, but, uh...

We got processes to follow.


Checks and balances.

Better luck next time.

Come on, guys! It's a great deal! I mean...

It's half-price!

Excuse me?

Sorry. Could I please have one of those?


Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.



How was your day?


Where are the kids?

What, they're not here?


Well, they're with Martin.


I didn't... they said they wanted to spend time with their uncle.

Cover your ears.

Do it.

Hello, English cocksuckers.

How do I find the toughest f*ck in this sh*thole?

Maddy, it's Mom.

Again, uh, listen...

Dad and I are waiting to hear from you, all right?

So please, please, call us the minute you get this. We won't be angry.

All right? The second you get this, please, give us a call.

All right.

You know I think we need to call the police.

W... wait, wait.

There's something I need to tell you.

Oh my god!

Well, I tired them up for you.

Where have you been?

All over London.


Until 11 o'clock!

It was a lovely day, Mom, don't spoil it.

You get upstairs. And you, now.



Do you need all that stuff?


Put it on.

What is it?

Are you sh1tting me?

If we get stopped, you'll look like a professional, not a gorilla.

Don't smoke here. They're chemicals.


She's still frozen.

No, just cold.

She's stiff with rigor mortis.

Can you just help me with the legs?

Just like that.

There you go.

She was beautiful.

You f*cked her.

Of course I f*cked her.

Wait, when she was alive.

In fact, I think I might have burst a balloon inside.

You know, I'm pretty big.

She swallowed the balloons?


So the dr*gs are... still in her stomach.

Yes, but I f*cked her up the ass.

Trust me big guy, your penis won't have traveled up her colon, through her small intestine, into her stomach to pop a little balloon.

We were doing it. She screamed.

I felt like she came inside. I thought it was me.

But no, turns out she was d*ad.

You put her jeans back on.

Yeah. To give her some dignity.



Be gentle.

I will, thank you.

How many are there?

I don't know, maybe fifty.

Do you love your wife?

Of course I love my wife. What kind of question is that?

I don't know. I was just wondering, you know, the same woman for 15 years. You must be tired?

Julie and I are great.

Better than great.


She's got fantastic tits.

Excuse me?

Julie, fantastic tits.

I didn't know that English women had tits like that.

Stop talking about my wife.

What? It's a compliment.

You should be flattered.

Tell me, were your kids vaginal or caesarian delivered?

Hey, come on! That's 2 grand, man!

Stop talking about my wife!



It's my buyers.


My buyers for the gear.

What? What?

Hey, guys!

If he doesn't stand up, sh**t him.

I'm up. I'm up! Hey, guys.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Who're you? Hannibal Lecter?

I'm his brother.

His brother.

Guys, I thought you were not interested.

Yeah, we, uh, changed our minds.

That's great.

I apologize.

Sometimes you have to tell a little white lie, you know, you know, to stay ahead of the competition.

It is an ugly game.

I feel for you.

My name's Joey Samson.

I work for a gentleman by the name of Nelson Clay.

This the product?


50 heroin balloons fresh from Tunisia.

Thank you. I won't be a moment.


Your, uh... your accent is different from your brother's.

Yeah, I've been here for 17 years.

It's his first time in the UK.

Bullshit! No, no. I've been here.

I spent two years in Scotland.

Shut up.

Ah, I like the jocks.

I can't understand a f*cking word though.

Yeah, so "r" and "ach". "Ach, no, please!"


It looks good.

We have ourselves a deal.

Don't f*cking move!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Stop shout, everybody.

Now, these are the guys I was expecting.

Put your g*n down.

Lower them.

Th... there's no good end to this.

Joey, put it down.

No way.

They're not gonna sh**t.

Aren't you lads?

You don't want to k*ll anybody tonight.

What do you wanna do?

I'm thinking.

Well, I trusted him and I put my g*n down.


Care to explain?


It's very simple.

Uh, I came to these guys first, and they said no.

Uh uh uh, we said "maybe not".

Maybe not. And then, I came to you guys...

And you gave them the location?

Well, it was a great deal. You should have accepted it.

Yeah, you don't give us the location. Or if you do, you change it.

Well, I don't know London. It's my first time here.

So what now?

We can divide by two...

What the f*ck?!

Well, we came out to do some business.

Show initiative, score some brown, get on our employer's good side.

Instead of which we got a huge f*cking problem: two d*ad bodies, and two witnesses.

Come on.

f*ck you!

What if we find a solution that benefits everyone?

sh**t us now, you're guilty of four m*rder, and implicated in hers.

No matter how much you try, cut us to pieces, burn this place to the ground, you will leave trace evidence.

You will get caught.

Yes you will.

I can make it go away.

I'm the best.

Yes, he is.

You only k*lled two people, not four.

I clean the whole scene.

Every spot of blood, every latent print.

The bodies disappear.

Like they've never been here.

You get to take the heroin back to your boss.

Everybody wins.


Well, what if he can?

It's been a long night.

I would like it to be over.

Yeah, but what if he can do it?

Well, I'm not gay or nothing, but I don't feel right k*lling people unless I absolutely have to.

Well, I saw a thing on National Geographic, bad karma, yin and yang, uh, the Hindus are really big in it, maybe Buddhists.

If you chose to do something bad, instead of having to, it increases the universal sum of negative energy.

Shut the f*ck up!

No promises.

You do good work.

I really don't think the k*lling is justified.

It's been educational.

What about my money?

I brought you a lot of product.

Yeah, you made it harder than it should have been as well.

You didn't even sweat you son of...

Hey, hey, hey!

Calm down!


You have a bad temper, OK?

That's never a good thing.

It's... it's gonna be all right.

We don't tell anyone about this.

Promise you'll never say anything, OK?

You Jean Bastière?

For a job well done. Mr. Clay may call upon you in the future.
Post Reply