01x01 - Pilot

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Devious Maids". Aired June 23, 2013 - August 8, 2016.*
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"Devious Maids" centers on a close-knit group of Latina maids, who are bonded together, working in the mansions of Beverly Hills' wealthiest and most powerful families, life struggles and the melodramatic universe that engulfs their employers.
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01x01 - Pilot

Post by bunniefuu »

(Water splashes)

(Indistinct conversations, laughter)

I think what you people do is heroic.

You wash clothes you can't afford.

You polish silver you will never dine with.

You mop floors for people who don't bother to learn your last name, and still, you dare to dream of a better life.

I am in awe of your determination to succeed in this great country of ours.

That said...

If you don't stop screwing my husband, I'm going to have you deported.

¿Comprende?

Good.

Adrian?

Is there something you'd like to say to Flora?

I'm sorry that I allowed myself to be seduced.

Repeatedly.

Obviously, from this moment forward, when I ask you to do the windows, you will do them.

Woman: Oh, Evelyn, how are you?

Not great. I just found out my maid has "feelings" for my husband.

It's nuts, right?

I mean, why would anyone fall in love with Adrian?

You'll have to forgive my wife.

(Glass clinks)

She's drunk... and evil.

(Scrapes)

(Screaming)

Aah!

Aah!

(Indistinct conversations)

(Guests screaming and shouting indistinctly)

I think we're just about done here, and we should be out of your way in a few minutes.

Uh... I don't understand.

What do you mean, you're done?

Well, we collected all the evidence, and we have a suspect in custody.

(Gasps) But all this blood on the furniture and the carpeting...

Don't worry, ma'am.

We have photos of everything.

All right, people. Pack it up.

Let's get going.

(Crying) I don't care about photos!

I don't care about evidence!

My maid was m*rder*d!

Ma'am?

Well, who is going to clean all this up?

1x01

"Pilot"

"Dios todopoderoso...

(Praying in Spanish)

"...y escucha a sus oraciones.

Escucha a tu gente..."


(Continues praying in Spanish)

"Dios todopoderoso..."

(Continues praying in Spanish)


We have to go to the police.

Are you crazy?

They need to know the truth about Flora.

Why? They already arrested someone.

Well, maybe he didn't do it.

Maybe Flora was k*lled 'cause of what she was doing.

If we go to the cops, they'll ask why we did nothing to stop her.

Mami's right.

We could get in terrible.

I wish she never told us.

This was Flora's secret.

I say we let it die with her.

So the job requires cooking, cleaning, taking our clothes to the cleaners.

Doing what needs to be done.

Exactly.

And, uh, we're hoping to find someone to live in.

As it happens, that's the situation that I'm looking for.

Terrific.

Do you have any questions for me, Mrs. Stafford?

You don't have an accent.

Should I?

I've never met a maid who didn't have an accent.

I was born here in L.A.

You sound like you went to college.

Thank you.

Would you excuse us for a moment?

Give us just a second.

(Woman sighs)

She has attitude.

Because she doesn't have an accent?

I just don't like her, okay?

I want Lupe back.

You know that can't happen.

Why do you refuse to take my side?

I'm getting so sick of this.

Mrs. Stafford.

I want this job.

So I'll make you a deal.

After a week, if you're not satisfied with my work, or if you think I still have attitude, I'll leave.

No questions asked.

That's a very generous offer, and we would be fools not to accept it.

(Sighs)

Where is she?

In her room.

How many pills did she take?

Not sure. Maybe the whole bottle.

(Woman sobbing)

Remi, thank God you're here.

(Sighs)

Mom, it's me.

Go away!

Now don't be like that, mom.

We'll get you to the hospital and get your stomach pumped, all right?

(Sniffles) I'm tired of being humiliated.

Just let me die.

Humiliated?

Jamal left her.

Mom, you were dating our pool boy?

I've always been partial to Armenians.

You know that.

Only this one turned out to be so cruel.

He said he was embarrassed to introduce me to his friends.

He said I looked like I was 40!

Well, that's not bad, since you're almost 60.

Ohh! Aah!

Mom, mom, mom, I realize you're upset, all right?

But you can't swallow a bottle of pills every time a guy leaves you.

(Sniffles) Don't you see what's happening?

I'm getting older.

So no handsome man will want anything to do with me.

And the sad truth is, I'm just not designed to be alone!

(Crying continues)

Mrs. Delatour?

If you're lonely, maybe Mr. Remi could move back home.

But he's going to school.

Just U.S.C.

He could commute.

It's a stunning idea, Remi.

I wouldn't even know how to be depressed with you here.

Mom, if... if I promise to move back home, will you go to the hospital?

Absolutely.

Just let me put my face on first.

(Sniffles) Don't wanna scare the nurses.

Zoila, come.

That was some quick thinking there.

Just glad I could help.

He's here.

Welcome home.

How was the tour?

Long.

I can't believe I'm finally meeting Alejandro Rubio.

(Clenches teeth) Now don't come on too strong.

Relax. We're gonna be best of friends.

And why would he wanna be friends with the maid?

Have you seen me?

Is this Bonita's replacement?

Yes.

Her name is Carmen.

Oh. It's nice to have you with us, Carmen.

Hopefully you won't steal the silver.

Not that there's any left to steal.

(Chuckles) (Laughs)

It is so wonderful to meet you.

And you should know I am your biggest fan, and I am thrilled to be working with you.

Go.

I'll take care of this.

You don't talk to Alejandro.

You talk to me, then I talk to him.

If he wants to speak to you, answer with as few words as possible.

Can I at least say...

"Good morning"?

No.

He will tell you if it's a good morning.

I got some good news yesterday.

I finally found a lawyer for Immigration.

He said that he could help me bring Miguel to America.

Who's Miguel?

That's her kid.

Back in Guadalajara.

But, uh... there is a problem.

This lawyer... he's in San Diego.

He only comes to Los Angeles once a month.

I could see him Friday or Saturday, but I need a day off.

I've got back-to-back appointments on Friday, and Saturday, I'm being interviewed by "Showbiz L.A."

Move the interview.

Or are you afraid you'd actually have to spend time with our child.

Hey.

I'm a good mother, but I've gotta stay focused now that I have a feature career.

(Chuckles) You've only been in three movies, and you battled aliens in two of them.

Stop acting like you're Dame Judi Dench.

It still beats being a sex symbol for Bored Housewives.

Hey, I won two "Soap Opera Digest" awards.

The fact that you think that's impressive makes me wanna vomit and weep for you.

See... (Sighs) The thing about this lawyer, he's the only one I could afford.

I'm sorry, Rosie. I just can't spare you right now.

But take it as a compliment.

My little boy needs you.

(Sighs)

The D.A. called.

They're finally charging that waiter with Flora's m*rder.

That's good news.

Don't you think?

(Bang) For God sake.

How much more infantile pouting do I have to put up with?

I'm sad.

Can't I be sad?

Flora was the help.

It's time to smile again.

She was the most exhilarating woman I have ever known.

Then you should get out more.

I was in love with her.

And I was teaching her to love me.

You weren't the only man Flora was having an affair with.

You do realize that, don't you?

That boy they arrested...

You think he actually k*lled her?

No. But if we say anything, they'll start to examine our lives, and we can't have that, now, can we?

So we do nothing?

Less than nothing.

Mrs. Stafford, I finished the laundry.

Thanks. Uh, the kitchen sink is stopped up.

If you could take care of that...

Are you okay?

Uh, I'm just having a bad day.

You wanna talk about it?

I'm... not sure you'd understand this kind of problem.

I may unclog drains for a living, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid, and for what it's worth, my friends say I give really good advice.

What do you think of... our house?

It's beautiful.

Every chair, painting, and throw pillow was carefully chosen by Olivia Rice.

Isn't she a famous decorator?

She's also the first Mrs. Stafford and a world-class psycho.

For 20 years, she made Michael's life unbearable... always insulting him, screaming at him.

She even slapped him a few times.

Really?

Michael had to divorce her.

But he still felt guilty.

He gave Olivia everything she asked for... the Jaguar, the summer house, Lupe.

Lupe?

Their maid.

Lovely woman.

The only thing I asked him to fight for, but Olivia wanted her, so...

So...

Why were you crying?

I asked Michael if I could redecorate this place.

You know, make it my own.

He said no. He thought it would offend Olivia.

We've been married for six months, and she still comes first.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

(Sighs)

Anyway...

I'm ready for that good advice now.

Michael chose you.

Which means you won.

(Exhales) Her hold on him will weaken... eventually.

In the meantime, focus on what's important.

You have your health.

You have money to pay your bills and someone who adores you.

In the grand scheme of things, an ex-wife's throw pillows aren't much of a problem.

See?

I knew you wouldn't understand.

I'm serious, Zoila.

This new therapist is a genius.

He could tell that I needed to be on mood stabilizers within five minutes of meeting me.

It took him that long?

Hey. What's all this?

I thought you might like some tea.

Oh. That was nice of you.

Why two cups?

Oh! Uh...

(Giggles)

I'm so used to preparing the tray for your mom when she has company.

I guess I wasn't thinking.

Sorry.

Well, hey, since you're here, why not stay and have a cup of tea with me?

If you insist.

(Women speaking indistinctly in Spanish)

(Continue speaking Spanish)

Hi.

Hello.

I saw you coming out of the Stafford house this morning.

Did you take over for Lupe?

Yes. I'm the new maid.

Oh.

Lupe told us Mr. Stafford's new wife is a hot mess.

(Laughs) What do you think?

Oh, she's okay.

Just a bit insecure.

God, is it awful of me to gossip about my employers?

Honey, if you're gonna sit by us, it's a requirement.

(Laughter)

(Women speaking Spanish)

(Laughter)

One time miss Genevieve asked me to hand her shampoo while she was still in the shower.

That's not so bad.

She wasn't alone.

(Laughter)

They were in there for another hour.

The whole time, I'm thinking, "Lord, I have to clean that."

(Laughter)

(Chuckles)

So... do you know all the maids who work around here?

Sure.

What about the girl who got k*lled?

Her name was Flora.

That had to have been a shock.

I would've been more shocked if she had been somewhere else.

But those people she worked for...

The Powells?

What about them?

They're... strange.

In what way?

It's late.

We have to get going.

It was so nice to meet you, Marisol.

You, too.

Come on, Rosie.

- Venga.

Venga, Vengas.


(Chuckles)

See you around.

Yeah.

(Speaking Spanish in lowered voice)

(Lowered voice) What is wrong with you, Rosie?

Yeah, at first, I wasn't sure about moving back home.

I forgot how nice it is here.

No one waits on me back at the frat house.

I like waiting on you.

Oh!

You spilled.

Uh...

Uh... so...

What would you like for breakfast tomorrow?

I'd love to cook for you.

Oh. Uh, I don't know.

(Exhales)

I like all sorts of things.

Do you know how to make French toast?

No. But I'm eager to learn.

(Speaking inaudibly)

Oh, I'm telling you, Taylor, the house has become a disaster area.

I've got dirty dishes in the sink, laundry piling up.

I'm at my wit's end.

Why don't you call the agency?

Have them send somebody?

I tried. They gave me attitude because Flora was m*rder*d.

I'd understand if I'd had a few maids slaughtered, but I've only lost the one.

It's not fair.

I could come clean your house.

I mean, if you're having trouble finding someone.

That is so sweet.

Thank you, Lupe.

It's Marisol.

I thought her name was Lupe.

That was the previous maid.

Oh, well, you could be her twin.

She looks nothing like Lupe.

I thought she had work done.

You thought our maid had plastic surgery?

For God sake, Taylor.

Poor people like to be pretty, too.
Come over in the morning.

Bring your own supplies.

I have nine bathrooms.

We'll have fun.

What is that?

Oh, it's juice for Alejandro.

He asked for juice?

No, but I was watching him work out, and I thought he might be thirsty.

You should be looking at this filthy kitchen, not outside.

(Sighs and whispers in Spanish)

(Laughs) What's wrong, princesa?

The only reason I took this job was so I become friends with Alejandro and play him my music, but that's never gonna happen if that limping bitch keeps running interference.

She's just trying to protect Alejandro.

From me?

If there's one thing Odessa knows how to spot, it's a pretty girl with an agenda.

Well, if she's that paranoid, why hire me in the first place?

Well, I helped with the interviews.

After meeting you, I may have lost the other resumes.

Sam?

Do you have a crush on me?

I'm not admitting nothin'.

Aw. Why didn't you tell me?

Thought you were out of my league.

Oh, I am.

But still...

It's good to know.

Look... I want you to be careful around Odessa.

She's smart.

Not as smart as I am.

(Dialing)

Mama? It's Rosie.

Rosie!

(Crying)

Rosie?!

Rosie, you've gotta take the baby!

I'm late for my thing!

(Crying)

(Sniffles)

(Continues crying)

(Kisses)

(Crying)

Oh!

Mrs. Peri.

I didn't see you.

Is something wrong?

I was just talking to my son.

Is he okay?

He's young.

He doesn't understand why I haven't brought him here yet.

Can't his dad explain it to him?

Miguel's father d*ed.

That's why I have to come here... to work.

Oh.

(Sniffling)

So...

I'm late for a facial.

And I can't... miss this appointment because I'm being interviewed tomorrow, and... my pores are just...

Go.

I'll take care of your baby.

(Sighs)

Thanks.

(Footsteps retreat)

Ah, the cavalry has arrived.

And she's brought disinfectant.

Hello, Mrs. Powell. Where would you like me to start?

I was thinking the study.

That's where it happened.

Sorry about the blood and gore.

I was going to clean it myself, but I wasn't emotionally capable.

Flora and I were so close, you see.

Don't worry.

I'll take care of it.

Just go and relax.

Oh, you're a cherub.

That's what you are.

You're a spicy little cherub.

(Glass crunches)

Sorry.

For a second there, I thought you were someone else.

I'm Marisol.

I'm here to clean your home.

Of course. Evelyn mentioned that you were stopping by.

It's very kind of you.

Oh, I'm happy to do it.

I know you and your wife have been through a lot.

Did you know Flora?

No.

This is a picture that I took.

She was very lovely.

Oh, she was smart and funny and vibrant.

Very ambitious.

Are you ambitious...

Marisol?

There are things I want.

Well, if you continue to be this nice to me...

I will see to it that you get them.

Did you feed him?

I can't have him screaming during this interview.

He's had his bottle, but he might need his diaper changed soon.

(Fussing)

If you humiliate me, we are going to have a problem.

(Fusses)

Oh, they sent Brenda Colfax?

This will be the best acting I do all year.

(Gasps) Brenda!

Peri Westmore.

(Laughs) How long has it been?

The red carpet at the Oscars.

That's right.

Aw, do you forgive me for what I said about your dress?

Of course!

I was just trying to be funny.

And you came so close.

(Both laugh)

(Whirring)

(Vacuum turns off)

Ma? Where have you been?

I was getting worried.

I went shopping.

I bought us some clothes.

Clothes?

Yeah, but I wasn't sure of your size. Go try this on.

Mama...

What is this?

Our new uniform.

We're gonna wear it at work.

Why?

Because...

Those people in that house need to be reminded of what we're there to do.

(Sighs)

Rich boys...

They never fall in love with the help.

(Whispers) Trust me on this.

(Muttering)

Hey. What's that?

Alejandro's iPod.

Songs have been added...

By Carmen Luna.

Explain.

Okay, as you know, I'm a singer.

No.

You never tell me this.

Well, I thought that if he liked my songs, he would wanna help me.

(Laughs) It's not a big deal, is it?

Every day, I see people wanting things from him.

Needing money.

Asking favors.

Because he is a good man, he finds it hard to say "no."

It's my job to protect him from people like that...

People like you.

For God sake, Odessa, this is my dream.

What is that to him?

I work in his house.

He should care about me.

Do you care about him?

Yeah. Sure, I do.

You don't care.

Not like I do.

Still, I think he would enjoy helping someone who's just starting out.

If you play him your music, even one song, I will fire you.

Do you understand?

Good.

Oh. For what it is worth...

I listened to all your songs.

What do you think?

I think you should get a new dream.

(Brenda) So, Peri, I hear Scorsese is directing this film.

Were you stunned when you heard that he wanted to work with you?

(Laughs)

'Cause I know I was.

(Both laugh)

Rosie, I think the baby needs changing.

Unless that awful smell is coming from Brenda.

Ooh.

(Laughs)

(Chuckles) Oh.

So... you're a busy actress and a full-time mother.

How do you do it?

It is not easy, but I work really hard at it.

I am a spectacular mom.

(Both laugh)


And your movie sh**t in Rome.

Will you take him on location?

Of course.

Some women may be able to run off to a foreign country, leaving their kid behind with someone else, but I can't.

To me, there's no excuse for abandoning your child.

Switching topics, let's talk about your leading man.


Mrs. Westmore!

(Door closes) Rosie, be quiet! We're rolling!

But the baby!

What about the baby?

Is something wrong?

No, he's fine.

He just said his first word.

(Gasps) Oh, my God!

What did he say?

He called me "mama."

(Carmen singing pop song in Spanish)



(Elevator buzzes, whirring)

(Whirring stops)

(Pounds button)

Something wrong?

Elevator.

It's not working.

Huh. Well, no worries.

I will take the tray up for you.

Wait!

I will take up the tray.

But your leg.

You shouldn't have to walk up all these stairs.

It's my job.

Odessa, this is silly.

It's... I...

You want to help me?

Dust.

Good morning, Alejandro.

Morning, Odessa.

Odessa: I hope you slept well.

I did.

Pancakes.

Well, I know how much you like them.

What is this?

It's nothing.

(Clank)

Odessa: Carmen!

Where are you?!

Stop right there.

Aah!

(Gasps)

Odessa! Are you okay?

(Groans)

(TV playing indistinctly)

(Vehicle passing in distance)

(Fabric rips)

I made you French toast.

Um... thanks.

Anything else?

No.

So out of nowhere, Peri says, "Tell Rosie she can see her lawyer tomorrow."

Apparently, she wants to spend some quality time with our son.

I was shocked.

I'm not. There's one thing I know about women...

Rich or poor, we all wanna be thought of as good mothers.

Just say it.

Say, "Mama."

Oh, come on!

You're not even trying!

(Cries)

Thanks. I'll tell him.

(Beep)

Odessa's fine, but the doctors wanna keep her in the hospital a few days for observation.

Well, just make sure she knows I'll pay for everything.

You know, including her new, uh...

Leg.

Yeah.

I'll tell her.

(Carmen humming)

(Continues humming)

What's your name again?

Carmen.

You got a nice voice, Carmen.

Oh, my God. Thank you.

(Inhales deeply)

And if I haven't said so yet, good morning.

I would like to make a toast to my wife.

I know that this is going to be the best birthday I've ever had, because this will be the first birthday that I celebrate with you as my wife.

Cheers.

Man: Cheers.

Cheers.

Marisol, you can serve the soup now.

(Doorbell rings)

Who on earth could that be?

(Guests murmuring)

May I help you?

Olivia?

I'm sorry, Mr. Stafford.

She just came in.

It's okay, Marisol.

What... what's going on, Olivia?

Brought your birthday present.

Well... that's, um... very nice, but this is not a good time.

(Scoffs) Guess you're having a party, huh?

Michael.

These are the same people we invited to your birthday last year.

Of course, none of them call me anymore.

I guess they're your friends now.

(Lowered voice) Please do something.

I was wondering what could I give you to mark this important occasion?

And I found this... crystal heart.

Isn't it lovely?

But please be careful with it. Okay?

Because...

I gave you my heart once before... and you broke it.

(Voice breaking) Didn't you, Michael?

Didn't you?!

(Guests gasp)

Okay, that's it. You're done.

Get off of me!

Do not screw with me, bitch, or you will live to regret it.

Michael...

You wanna talk about how unfair life is, well, that's great, 'cause I know all about that.

Do you wanna hear what I've lost?

How I've suffered?

Of course not.

'Cause to people like you, I'm just the woman who opens the door.

(Exhales)

I worked really hard on this dinner.

I'll be damned if I let anyone ruin it.

(Laughs)

(Applause continues)

Marisol.

You have a job here for as long as you want one.

Well...

Tonight was a triumph for you.

I did put on a bit of a show.

Mm-hmm.

We've never seen a maid quite like you.

Well...

Thank you.

(Lowered voice) In fact, I'm fairly sure you're not a maid.

And I can't wait to find out what you're really doing here.

Rosie: Marisol!

(Receiver clicks)

Hey, how are you doing?

(Scoffs) Not good.

I wanna get outta here, Mom.

I'm working on it, baby.

I'm working on it.
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