03x05 - Threesomes

[bunniefuu]

I'd like to start over.

I thought we just did.

Lucy?

Previously on Mistresses...

I thought you were married.

You're beautiful.

And you are a truly good friend.

Karen...

Don't go.

Joss and I had a fight.

She was emotional and I was... kind of a jerk.

I-I'm telling you. I never got your text.

How many more times do you want me to say it?

No, but you can clearly see that I sent it, right?

And when a text doesn't go through, you get that little red exclamation thingie, which, as you can see...

You did not.

I did not.

Okay.

You know what? I just don't understand why you didn't call me.

You know I would never ignore your text, right?

Especially an apology.

No, I don't know that.

We... we were in a fight. And your text was cryptic.

Oh, it wasn't cryptic. I said I wanted to talk.

No! No. You said we should talk.

And then I responded, and I apologized, and you didn't respond.

Because I never got that text.

Oh! And we're back. Okay.

You could have just as easily called me when you didn't get a response, right?

I figured you were still angry at me about the whole "living together" thing.

No.

And then, we... we had a meat delivery.

It's true. I can vouch for that.

Uh, I-I'm not arguing the meat. I-I don't need you to vouch.

Just trying to be helpful.

Thanks. We're good.

Okay, let's just...

[Sighs]

Okay, how about this?

Let's agree that texting will no longer be our primary mode of communication.

Yeah, that's fine.

Oh, come on, J-Joss, don't... don't start.

No, I'm not starting anything.

I just think it's a little bit weird that her boobs were all up in your business.

What are you talking about?

Are you talking about the photo sh**t?

How did you know about that?

I was here.

You were here?

Mm.

[Chuckles] Where? Why... why didn't you say hello?

Because you were busy and there was nudity.

You should have said something. We could have talked about it.

I was actually wanting to find you that day.

No, it's... it's... you know what? It doesn't even matter.

Because I know that you're not into her, even though she's obviously into you.

Oh! Come on. She is not into me.

Oh, my God. Now you're just being stupid on purpose.

Okay, please at least finish one fight before we start another.

[Sighs]

Harry, I really... I don't want to fight with you.

Good. Me neither.

Mm.

I'd much rather go on a date with you... something that we still haven't done, by the way.

Oh, my God.

We've never been on a date together... like, ever.

Never. Nope.

Like once.

How about tomorrow night? I could try to get out of here by 10:00.

I could eat late.

Good.

Mm!

[Keyboard clacking]

[Knock on door]

Come in. It's open.

Hey.

[Chuckles] I just wanted to pop by and say thanks again for all of your help with Lucy on the camping trip.

Your advice was so dead-on.

First drama-free morning I've had in weeks.

Not one slammed door. [Chuckles]

That's great.

She didn't even resist having her iPhone taken away.

Talk about a miracle.

[Chuckles]

Boundaries and structure equals respect, right?

That's right.

[Scribbling]

Oh! And my ankle's all better, too.

See? [Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

[Telephone rings]

Glad to hear it, April.

Was there anything else?

No.

No.

This is Headmaster Patterson.

Bill. Thanks for returning.

Yes, absolutely, yes.

Yes, absolutely.

I literally did a hair toss I haven't done since I was 16, and he barely looked up.

I thought we had a moment on that camping trip, but I guess I was wrong.

Although, maybe he was just busy.

I had sex with Alec and Vivian.

[Crash]

Sorry we're late!

You guys, this is the fabulous Calista Raines that I've been talking about literally nonstop.

Calista, this is April. And you already know Karen.

Yes, the brilliant and beautiful psychiatrist who fearlessly searches for love and truth.

Mm. It's a pleasure.

And you, April... more gorgeous than Joss described.

And your place... I'm dying, I'm dead, I'm in heaven.

I want everything.

[Laughter]

Oh, why is there tuna fish on the floor?

Uh, it's chicken salad.

What's... Going on?

I... was just telling Karen about this guy I met at Lucy's school.

I thought we had a connection, so I went over to his office and flirted my little butt off, waiting for him to ask me out.

And, uh... Nothing.

Why don't you ask him out?

Oh, 'cause that's just...

[Laughing] I mean, that's a little too forward for me.

Yeah, no, no, April's literally never asked a man out in her entire life.

That may be true, but you don't get anything in this life without going after what you want.

You didn't wait around for someone to offer you this fabulous store.

I'm sure you had to fight tooth and nail to have it.

That's true. I did.

Hmm.

What about you, silent beauty?

My life's pretty boring lately.

It's just... and, unfortunately, I'm late for an appointment, so...

What?! You can't leave now!

Okay, what's going on?

Nothing.

Karen slept with a married couple last night.

April.

I'm sorry!

But she seems very wise. Maybe she can help.

Absolutely. I love a good ménage.

Oh, me too! Me too! Me too! Okay, so, who was the couple?

Did you meet them online?

It was the doctor and his wife!

What?!

O-o-o-okay, okay, okay.

You're officially forbidden to speak.

Oh, my God! I told you he wanted to sleep with you.

I knew it!

Congratulations. You were right.

Hey, at least you included the wife, right?

That was big of you.

See, it's... Not like that.

You wanted to have sex with her?

I didn't think so, but while it was happening...

It's complicated.

Yeah. Threesomes normally are.

So... so, what happened after you guys all slept together?

I snuck out of the house before they woke up.

I can't imagine I'll ever speak to either of them again.

Is that what you want?

As much as I'd love to continue this conversation, I'm late to meet a priest.

So nice to meet you again, Calista.

Bye.

That chicken salad... does that have nuts?

[Bells jingle]

♪ You think you got it, but you don't have it all ♪

Call Harry.

Calling Harry.

[Ringing]

[Call-waiting signal beeping]

[Ringing continues]

Oh, crap.

Crap! Mother of crap!

[Ringing, beeping continue]

Uh...

Hey. Am I catching you at a bad time?

Uh, no, not at all. W-what's up?

Uh, I don't know how to say this without actually just sort of, you know, saying it.

I need the ring back.

Oh. Of course.

I-I've been meaning to call you about that.

Yeah, a-a-and normally, I wouldn't bother, but I-I need it now.

I'm...

I'm getting engaged.

[Horn blares]

T-tomorrow afternoon sounds good.

I'll see you then, Scott.

Bye.

[Seat belt clicks]

Holy...

If you are satisfied with your message, please press 1.

Oh, my God.

Tell me that did not just happen.

Tell me that did not just happen!

[Gasps]

I can't tell you how happy I am to have such an esteemed professional from my congregation willing to lead our married-couples class.

I'm glad I can help.

Now, one of my major concerns is keeping the married couples in our congregation together.

I counsel them before they get married, but afterwards, there's just no time, with everything they're going through.

Seems couples are splitting up right and left.

And we know how God feels about divorce.

Not a fan.

[Chuckles]

I'm guessing they'll probably open up more to a... a professional like you leading the group.

Just to be clear, I don't counsel professionally anymore.

Perfect, because we can't afford to pay you.

[Chuckles]

Oh. Looks like we have 30 minutes to k*ll before class.

Do anything, uh, fun last night?

[Door opens]

Calista: Anybody home?

[Door closes]

Hi, baby!

Hey.

There you are.

I've been calling you all morning.

Where you been?

Brunching.

With some fabulous new girlfriends of mine... one of them snap-dab in the middle of a juicy threesome.

You know, it reminded me of the time you and I hooked up on that flight to Rio and the stewardess caught us, and she asked if she can join in.

Mm.

Uh-huh.

Someone had a glass of wine.

Someone had two.

Listen, I have a meeting in an hour, but I could push it back if I found something that, uh... distracts me.

Oh, I would love to, darling, but I am buried.

You know what would be really helpful... if you signed these papers I left out for you this morning, because you know how insane it makes me when I have to ask you twice.

What... what... what are these?

Really?

[Chuckles]

Come on, this is the approval for my accessory line to use the font and logo of the Calista Raines line.

Do you ever listen when I talk to you about work?

I listen to you... just not when it's about font.

Okay, okay, look, I promise I will give these papers...

Mm-hmm. to Patty to look at later.

Well...

Uhp.

Sooner rather than later, huh?

[Papers rustle]

[Sighs]

Who's Blair Patterson?

My future husband.

Just kidding. He'll barely talk to me.

Oh, you got a crush. That's cute.

He's the headmaster of Lucy's school.

Scandalous, right?

Very.

So you're cyberstalking.

I'm not proud.

Yeah, nor should you be.

Especially since you're wasting time on a freaking school bio.

Might as well read his résumé.

Aren't you late for work?

Yep. Scooch.

Okay.

Oh.

Well, he likes to sail.

He sponsors REFUSE... a global strategic initiative aimed at encouraging people to reduce their plastic footprint.

Well, we're impressed.

And it looks like he just checked into a yoga class on La Brea.

So he's the guy who checks in and posts every single impressive thing he's doing.

Could be a major deterrent to some people.

Not for me. It's very helpful.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

A lot of the couples I've counseled in the past seem to forget that marriage is supposed to be fun... an adventure.

Of course, that doesn't mean challenges won't come up.

Yes?

My husband and I have been married for 15 years now.

Lately, we take each other for granted.

We haven't really had sex like we used to.

I-is there a way to make the relationship feel new again?

In my experience, all contented couples have one thing in common... they know how to make their partner feel special.

That knowledge gives them the ability to truly connect.

[Exhales shakily]

Uh...

An attentive partner never stops learning about their spouse, exploring to find out who they truly are.

[Exhales shakily]

[Inhales deeply]

Is anyone else... Feeling warm?

I'm just...

Sorry.

[Sighs] Yay. It's you.

That's a nice way to greet a person.

I'm just so glad that you're not Niko.

Less nice, but I'll still take it.

Is Harry here? I-is he acting weird or...

Harry's always here.

As for the "acting weird" part, I wouldn't know what that looks like yet.

Well, it's... it's kind of like...

Constipated?

Hi!

You're back.

I am.

How are you?

I'm good.

You didn't, like...

Get some weird message from me or anything?

Did you leave a weird message?

Not on purpose.

Sss...

Uh, Scott called me while I was calling you, and then I just thought that, I don't know, m-maybe the whole thing ended up on your voice-mail, but...

It did not.

That is good.

Why did he call you?

Oh. Because...

[Chuckles] Wait for it...

He's getting engaged.

Huh.

And I have the ring, you know, which is a family heirloom, so he just needs it back.

Okay, sure. Yeah.

Makes sense.

It... it doesn't, actually, make sense.

Obviously, right? Like, he's getting engaged?

Hello! It's... it's crazy.

Well, I-I wouldn't know. I...

You know, I don't really care.

Well, I don't care, either, but it is crazy, Harry.

Well, he proposed to you without hardly knowing you.

Maybe he's just ready to be married, you know?

Uh... Yeah.

I-I know that it happened fast with us, but, I mean, it's been three weeks.

[Laughing] Like, seriously, who does that?

Scott does, evidently.

Should I not have told you anything?

It's fine that you told me. You just... you just don't have to keep going on and on and on about it.

Well, you know, I would have texted you, but, apparently, you're not getting my texts.

Oh, Harry, come on. Don't be mad. It's just...

No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not mad.

I just... I've got to get back to work.

Babe, did you do this?

Mm! Oh, thank God you're up.

Okay, so, um, look, this is what I think I'm gonna wear when I see Scott later this afternoon, and...

Right? It's nice, but it's not too nice.

And then this is for my date later with Harry.

Definite some earrings, I don't know, a jacket, and maybe...

Do you just hate this dress?

I'm not awake yet.

[Cellphone ringing]

Oh.

Oh, it's Vivian.

[Gasps] It's Vivian!

Have you talked to her since...

No.

[Ringing continues]

[Ringing stops]

Vivian. Hi.

Hi.

[Chuckles] Okay, I have no idea what to say.

I didn't plan anything beyond the "hi."

I wasn't sure if you'd pick up.

I didn't think you'd call.

I didn't know if you'd want me to.

I'm glad you did.

[Sighs]

I just wanted you to know that Alec and I...

We've never done anything like that before.

It was a little strange, right?

Yeah.

Maybe more than a little.

I hope it wasn't so strange that we can't be friends anymore.

Not at all.

I'm so relieved.

Look, why don't you come over for dinner tonight?

We can talk, have a nice meal.

I'd love that.

Okay. Great.

Joss: That sounded like it went well!

[Sighs]

[New age music playing]

[Exhales sharply]

Excuse me... why is it so hot in here?

It's hot yoga.

It's only 95 now, but it'll get up to 105 later.

Oh, no!

Oh, no, no! Hell no.

[Chuckling] Oh, my God. Blair.

You go here?

Three days a week.

That's my mat right there.

Snack time.

[Chuckles]

I ordered from Mozza.

I'm not hungry.

Sweetie, you have to eat something.

I am eating... olives.

[Chuckles]

It's not good to keep it all pent up inside.

Fine. I will leave you alone, if that's what you'd like.

But, um, just know that I'm here for you, okay?

[Sighs]

Why does everything have to be so hard?

It doesn't.

[Sighs]

Wilson...

I hate seeing you so sad.

Okay, we... we can't.

We can't do this anymore, okay?

All right?

L-Luca and I are... working things out.

Again?

Yes, again.

Please don't... don't make this about you.

Oh, it's not, believe me. It's never about me.

I just don't understand why you let him do this to you.

Because marriage is complicated.

Calista, do you realize that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity?

You know what? You don't get to speak to me that way.

I've made my decision.

And if you cannot support it, then you can get the hell out of my house.

[Sighs]

Oh!

Awesome class, right?

Yeah. That was great.

Just the right amount of heat.

[Chuckles] Here. Have some water.

Okay.

Mm.

[Chuckles]

Thirsty. Thanks.

Any time.

I owe you one.

Or I... we could... Just skip the drink and go right to dinner, if you want.

Where would we go?

Anywhere.

I-I could do sushi or thai or Italian or Greek.

I love Sushi.

Oh, what is wrong with me?

Wait. We can go to Wunderbar.

The chef is a personal friend of mine.

Really? I heard tables are really tough to get there.

Trust me, not a problem. I can get us in anytime.

How about tonight?

That sounds great.

It's a date, then.

Instructor: Well done, honey.

Seven have tried, seven have failed.

I'd make a quick exit, though, if I were you.

Those three have claws.

[Sighs]

♪ You in this light ♪

[Door opens, bells jingle]

♪ I give up... ♪

[Sighs]

♪ my fight ♪

Hey.

Hi.

So, um...

This is April's shop, huh?

Yeah. [Chuckles]

I never... I never brought you here?

No.

Strange.

So, do you... do you have the ring, or...

Oh. Uh, of course.

Here it is.

Thanks.

So, I guess congratulations, right?

I know, um, this probably seems pretty strange from the outside.

It's not as weird as it... as it seems, really.

Um, do you remember my ex-girlfriend Jen?

Jen Feldman?

What, the one that you dated all through med school?

That's the one.

Well, she... she found out that grandma June had d*ed.

She reached out.

We just sort of picked things up where we left off, you know?

It sort of felt like it was meant to be.

Wow.

Well...

Your mom must be really happy.

Yeah, she is.

[Sighs]

It's just... I thought that...

Oh. Never mind. It's none of my business.

No, I-it's not. But go ahead, say it anyway. What?

I just... I thought that you didn't love her.

Isn't that why you broke up?

Yeah, I-I didn't love her then. I do now.

I've changed a lot.

You know, things change.

Right.

Scott.

I'm so sorry.

I really never meant to hurt you.

I never in my wildest dreams thought that I could.

And I know that... I know that it doesn't matter.

I know that nothing I could possibly say right now...

[Sighs] Matters to you, but...

[Sighs]

I just wanted you to know that what we had was real.

It was.

I hope he's worth it.

♪ Oh, my heart ♪

[Sighs]

[Sizzle]

Damn it! Mm!

You okay?

Fine, yeah.

I just didn't know how hot it was.

Well, be careful. Oven mitt's in the top drawer.

And I want Lucy in bed by 10:00.

No TV, no iPhone. She's got homework.

I told her to show it to you before she goes to bed.

Uh, yeah. So, how late will you be tonight?

Just so I can, you know, manage Lucy's expectations.

Is this dinner and dancing or a movie and...

[Clicks tongue]

Just dinner... as far as I know.

But Lucy should be asleep by the time I get home.

[Sighs]

If you were a guy, would this be an appropriate outfit for a first date?

I am a guy, April.

[Laughs] Right.

I mean, if you were a man who happened to be headmaster of a private school.

I would be very pleased.

Aw, that's sweet. Thank you.

And thanks again for watching the kids.

Are you sure you're gonna be okay?

You're not gonna burn the house down or anything?

I wasn't planning on it.

You can relax. Have fun tonight.

You really like him, huh?

Yeah.

I guess I do.

Bye.

All right.

[Door closes]

Oh, God. And the look in his eyes.

Oh, my God, Karen, it was heartbreaking.

I-I... you know, I wanted to say more, but what... what could I say?

Are you saying you made a mistake choosing Harry?

No! No, no, no. Not at all.

I'm just saying that, you know, Scott's such an awesome guy.

I don't know what the hell's going on with Harry lately.

What do you mean, you don't know?

Everything's just a friggin' battle with him, you know?

No matter what I say, he says the opposite.

With Scott, we made decisions so easily.

Everything was easy. It just flowed like a river.

Seriously? Like a river?

You cheated on him, remember?

Not while we were together.

Technically, it was the cheating that ended it.

Just...

Scott always knew what he wanted.

It was part of his appeal.

With Harry, everything is one big hesitation.

Like, the "living together" thing.

You know, like, what's holding him back?

I want to know.

So ask him.

I plan to, believe me.

Okay. How do I look?

Amish.

[Chuckling] No, this is the perfectly appropriate thing to wear to dinner with a couple you just had sex with.

Is it weird I'm going over there?

It depends.

Are you gonna pretend that nothing happened?

I don't know.

I'm just gonna follow their lead.

Well, you know what Calista says... you should ask for what you want.

Calista's your friend, nof mine.

[Sighs]

So, when I told Harry I was bringing you here to dinner, he started asking me all of these questions, and I realized I only knew, like, three things... headmaster, hot yoga, loves sushi.

So Harry insisted on creating a special sushi menu just for us.

You really didn't have to go to so much trouble.

Are you kidding? After you went so out of your way to be so sweet to me and Lucy?

Plus, I love sushi, too.

I mean, the rules, the rituals, the beauty of the presentation.

Did you know that when you're not using your chopsticks, you should place them in front of you, parallel to the edge of the sushi bar with the narrow end in the hashi oki?

That's what this cute little thing is called... hashi oki.

I googled it.

I never knew that.

Well, now you do.

And how are you two doing back in the corner here?

I hope you know that we, uh, we save this table for V.I.P.s.

We love it, Harry.

And Blair has been raving about your food.

Incredible. Truly as good as any I've ever had.

Thank you very much. And I hope you like round 2.

We've got some gold-flake-dusted chutoro, foie gras shabu-shabu, and caviar-sprinkled kumamoto oysters.

Enjoy.

Why don't you sit down?

Join us a while.

Uh... [Chuckles]

I wish I could, but I do have a kitchen to run.

But, um, just... Enjoy.

[Cellphone chimes]

Oh. My babysitter.

Anyway, what were we talking about?

You were, um, just tell...

[cellphone chimes]

Last one.

Sorry about that. [Chuckles]

Is everything okay?

Oh, it's fine.

It's just so hard to get a good sitter these days.

Oh, it's always tough with teenagers.

Well, Marc's not exactly a teenager, although he acts like one.

Uh, Marc?

My dead husband's mistress's son's uncle.

He lives with me.

Shabu-shabu?

[Chuckles nervously]

[Exhales deeply]

[Doorbell rings]

I'm so sorry. I had no idea.

Now's your chance to make a break for it.

Alec: Karen!

Come on in.

Too late. [Sighs]

Karen, this is my friend Ken.

We went to med school together.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Ken's a psychiatrist, too.

You guys have so much in common.

[Cellphone chimes]

[Speed-dialing]

[Ringing]

[ Speaking Spanish]

[Cellphone buzzes]

[Groans]

Hey, roomie. How's your date going?

Not well, and all of this texting from you isn't helping.

[Chuckling] So you're calling to yell at me 'cause your date sucks?

My date doesn't suck. I suck.

I am sucking on this date.

He's in the bathroom right now, probably trying to climb out of the damn window.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, okay.

Take a breath. Shake it off.

[TV shuts off] Okay, break it down for me.

I don't know. I am just too nervous.

I'm talking about sushi.

Why are you talking about sushi?

Exactly!

Okay, we got to change the game.

Have you ordered dessert yet?

What does dessert got to do with it?

Have you ordered dessert yet?

No.

Okay, great. See, most chicks screw this part up.

Now, order the most decadent thing on the menu.

In fact, order two.

And order after-dinner drinks for both of you.

Marc, I don't know.

Just trust me.

I know what I'm talking... about.

Would you care for anything else this evening?

Uh, we're fine, thank you.

Oh, w...

Just the check, please.

[Sighs]

[Chuckles nervously]

I mean, it goes without saying the hospital has its own agenda, but in my opinion, they just never look out for the doctors.

It is a minefield dealing with a roomful of bureaucrats.

[Scoffs] Ken's gonna be running the department by the end of the year.

Wow. How did it get so late?

I should probably get going.

No, Karen, don't go.

Ken, you go.

Vivian.

I'm so sorry. That was rude.

Ken, would you please go?

Hey, buddy, I'm... So sorry.

Um, I-I'll give you a call this week.

We'll get that golf game on the books.

Sounds good. Uh...

Nice to see you again, Vivian.

Nice to meet you, Karen.

You too.

I'll let myself out.

[Door opens, closes]

What the hell were you thinking?

Karen, I'm sorry if that was presumptuous.

It's just, when Vivian told me you were coming over tonight, I thought it might be uncomfortable.

And you thought blindsiding her with some random guy...

I thought a double date was a good solution.

Ken's a very nice man.

He's not really my type, but I understand the impulse.

Don't let him off the hook.

You did a crappy thing, Alec... just because you're afraid to talk about what happened.

What is there to talk about?

There's a lot to talk about.

[Sighs]

I felt something the other night... something that I haven't felt in a long time.

And I know that Alec did, too.

Don't put words in my mouth.

Then say something!

[Sighs]

I felt something, too.

I don't know what it means.

Maybe it doesn't mean anything.

Or maybe it does.

Maybe there's something here that's worth exploring.

This is ridiculous.

It's ridiculous? Why?

Why? Why, Alec? Why is it ridiculous?

Because there's nothing to explore.

I should go.

No, please, don't.

I'm sorry.

[Door closes]

Viv...

Don't.

[Door closes]

You're up late.

We need to talk.

I been on the freakin' 405 for the last two hours.

I think we should see a shrink.

I think we need to go to Rome.

But we don't have time for either of those things, so...

Well, I think we should make time.

Joss has a friend, Karen, who's a psychiatrist, and I think she could refer someone.

I don't need a psychiatrist, Calista.

I need your support.

I give you support.

No, you don't.

You have no idea what it's like for me, the amount of pressure I'm under every single day.

We're both under pressure.

Can you at least try and understand what it's like for me?

Okay.

I want to help.

No, you don't.

Because I ask you to do simple things, and even those, you don't...

What? What have I not done?

We need new models. We got a show in New York.

I sent you like 30 head sh*ts, you've signed off on no one.

I didn't like any of them.

Mm-hmm.

You were supposed to sign off on the Italian fabric budget, you haven't even opened the e-mail.

I did open the e-mail.

The attachment wouldn't download.

I told you that.

Okay, do you see how you have nothing but excuses?

These aren't excuses. They're answers.

Okay.

What about the logo paperwork I gave to you yesterday?

Okay, I-I forgot to give it to Patty.

Why do you got to give it to Patty?

What, you don't trust me?

Okay.

[Scribbling]

You feel better now?

Yeah, I think I do.

Luca, it's not that I don't listen or I don't hear you, but there are still things here... legitimate things that we need to work on.

And I really think it would help if we see a shrink.

I'd rather go to Rome.

No.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

They're calling this lobster Risotto?

For 45 bucks? What a scam.

Here. Do you want some of my steak?

Nah, it's all right.

I'm not that hungry.

Okay.

[Utensils clank]

Harry, why don't you want to move in together?

[Sighs]

I did want to move in together... until you made it all about Savi.

Come on. That's crap.

Savi's always gonna be a part of this equation.

Pretending that she isn't is a huge waste of time.

I mean, I lost my sister over this.

This is a big deal.

I'm not saying it isn't.

You're making excuses, and I'm not quite sure why.

I feel like you're stalling or something.

I'm not stalling.

Well, you're not being very proactive about the relationship.

I mean, look, like, [Chuckles]

Scott's already engaged, and we can't even share a sink.

Tell me you didn't just bring Scott in this conversation.

No, I'm just trying to explain...

Did you get closure when you met with him today?

I told you I was going to see him.

That, you did.

I told you before I went to see him and gave you every opportunity to say something, and you said nothing, Harry.

God, it's... it's like you don't know how to communicate.

Oh, and you're the expert at communication?

How long did you wait to say something about Niko?

Okay. No, you're right.

Bull's-eye. It's...

But you know what... at least I'm trying to talk to you about my feelings when I have them.

I'm trying here, Harry!

People are trying to eat, Joss.

Yeah, and I'm trying to talk to you!

Please lower your voice.

I'm sorry. Am I being too loud for you?

No problem. I can fix that.

[ Cheers and applause]

Host: Thank you.

Our first guest tonight...

[TV shuts off]

How was the big date?

Pretty terrible.

How was dinner with your couple?

Mostly miserable.

Oh. Okay, you go first.

Ooh. I'm drinking this.

Alec brought a guy from work as a date for me.

Ouch.

It was beyond awkward until the guy finally left.

But then Alec and Vivian started fighting, so I left.

They obviously need to work through their feelings.

Wait, wait, wait. Sorry. What about your feelings?

Why are theirs more important than yours?

Because they're married.

Yeah, and they invited you into that marriage, which makes you a part of it now.

[Sighs]

If I could somehow combine the two of them, it would be the perfect person for me.

The lover, the partner, the friend I've always been looking for.

But it doesn't work that way.

They're two people, they're married to each other, and one of them happens to be a woman.

Oh, trust me... you could get over the woman part really quickly.

Do you remember when I felt like it was a thing when I was first with Alex, and then...

She just became this person that I was crazy in love with.

Have you ever been in a situation like this before?

[Laughs] Threesomes?

Honey, I invented them.

But no, I've... I've never done the full-on polyamorous thing, and I'm pretty sure that words like "like" or "love" were never part of the equation.

Why?

Honey, do you think you might be falling in love with them?

That's the weird part.

I feel like I could.

[Sighs]

[Knock on door]

Blair.

[Chuckles] This is a surprise.

Can I come in?

Um... Sure.

These are for you.

Oh.

Um, are these, like, consolation flowers?

"Sorry you're too crazy for me to date you" flowers?

[Chuckles] No.

So you... Like me?

[Chuckles] It's impossible not to like you, April.

And the fact that you don't know that makes you even more attractive.

Oh. I know it.

[Chuckles]

But you're kind of hard to read.

I mean, you did cut our date short.

Because you were so nervous, you were making me nervous.

And I thought it was a good idea to hit the reset button.

Oh.

Okay, but what about at school?

I mean, you didn't even look at me.

I'm a headmaster.

I can't be asking out all the pretty single moms.

They got rules about that sort of thing.

But you asking me out... that's another story.

Oh. So that's how it works.

Mm-hmm. Now it's my turn.

Will you go out with me again?

Anything but sushi.

[Laughs]

Mm.

Oh!

Hey. Hey, Marc.

Um... Marc, Blair. Blair, Marc.

I'm gonna put these in some water.

Oh, nice to meet you.

Sorry for interrupting your date last night [chuckling] with all those texts.

Right. Uh, you're the babysitter.

Uh, bartender, poet, surfer, carpenter...

Jack-of-all-trades.

Master of none. [Chuckles]

[Door opens]

[Singsong voice] Patty!

I had the most amazing class today in pilates.

You have to come with me next time.

At 5:00 in the morning? No, thank you.

My teacher has me focusing on gratitude and joy.

They're my two new favorite words.

You're in a good mood.

I am.

Things are on the up-and-up again with Luca and me, so...

That explains your generosity.

I got a call from Luca's attorney this morning.

You gave Luca the entire Accessories by Luca line?

No. No.

I approved he can use the logo and the font for his line, but it's all under my umbrella.

No, sweetie, you signed the papers that gave him his own umbrella.

That's why he hired his own lawyer to write up the contracts.

I assumed you knew.

Why else wouldn't you have had me take a look?

Okay. We've covered a lot of ground today.

Does anyone have anything else they want to share before we wrap up?

Any questions?

I have a question.

I'd like to know what happens when a marriage is broken.

Say your partner gets sick... so sick that both of you are separately preparing for the worst.

But then a miracle happens.

The worst doesn't come.

The life is saved.

But the marriage...

The marriage has suffered irreparable damage.

And then something new comes along, something strange and taboo and... unimaginable.

And suddenly, it feels like the marriage could change form.

It will never be the same.

But maybe...

Just maybe, it could find a new way to exist.

Would you risk it?

[Chuckles lightly]

Absolutely.

If something unique and unexpectedly beautiful came along...

I know I would.

[Knock on door]

Hey.

Hi.

Can we chat a minute?

Sure. Come on in.

♪ You're all I've ever wanted ♪

[Clears throat]

Listen, Harry, I'm... I'm sorry about walking out last night.

It was really... it was unacceptable.

And, you know, I-I don't know.

I think I was tired or hungry or something.

And not that that's an excuse...

I can't do this anymore, Joss.

You can't do what?

It shouldn't be this hard.

Harry.

We keep going on like this, we're gonna end up hating each other forever.

We have to end it now so there can at least be hope for us in the future.

What?

Listen, I...

I think you were right about us all along.

It's too soon.

We're just not ready.

♪ I want you ♪
♪ Only you ♪

[Sniffles]

♪ I want you ♪
♪ Only you ♪
♪ And I can start it over ♪

[Door closes]

♪ And find somebody new ♪