01x01 - All About Jazz

[bunniefuu]

Man: Okay, Jazz, we're ready for you.

Do I sit right here?

Yeah.

Doing good.

Are you nervous?

I'm a little nervous now.

All right. Jazz interview, take 1, mark.

Man: How would you describe yourself?

[Breathes deeply]

I am a teenage girl.

I'm also a soccer player.

I'm also an artist.

I'd like to think I'm funny.

I love hanging out with my friends.

I'm also transgender, and I'm proud of that.

But, you know, in the end, all these things come together and really just make me Jazz.

So, I am Jazz.

Jeanette: Girls, come on down!

You can help me.

Hello.

Hello.

You want to be the onion cutter, right?

No, I don't want to cry.

You guys know where the boys are?

I think they're outside playing.

Hey, everyone. Pizza and wings are here.

Yeah.

Now that's the good stuff.

Griffen: I'm following you.

Jeanette, where do you want this?

Outside.

Hi. I'm Jeanette, and this is my husband, Greg.

And we've known each other for a really long time.

We grew up in the same hometown.

He was three doors down, and I was going into first grade, and he was going into kindergarten.

I am the older woman.

So he used to "play" with my brother and didn't want to hang out with me.

But then... You can tell what happened.

Actually, that's not correct.

Jeanette was the older girl next door, and I did want to play with Jeanette.

Well, where's Daddy sitting?

I'll sit here.

Greg: Ari, b*at it.

That chair's wet.

You're only here for a couple days.

This one has schmutz on it.

Oh, look... I resolved it.

I'm a mom of four wonderful children.

I have Ari, who is 19.

Family together time.

Let's make a toast to Ari being home for spring break.

Jazz: Okay. We love you, Ari.

When you go away to college, and then you come back for spring break, you'll see it's not the same.

Right, Ari?

Right.

Sander and Griffen are twins.

It's interesting to watch them 'cause they're identical twins, but they're very different.

Griffen is... You'll always catch him whistling around the house.

And Sander, you'll probably find him in front of the mirror... [Both laugh] looking at himself.

That's good.

I mean, I hope you guys all end up at the same school.

That would be kind of cool.

That would be easy.

Greg: It would just be one place that we could go visit.

So, what's your hardest class right now?

Math.

What math are you taking, Jazz?

Geometry.

Sander: What's the joke?

It's what did the acorn say to the squirrel?

"Gee, I'm a tree."

Jeanette: Our family is goofy.

We laugh a lot, we love a lot, we cry a lot, and we're just very typical with an extraordinary circumstance because we have a daughter that's transgender, which is very rare.

Greg: There he is.

It's a boy for sure.

Before Jazz was named Jazz, Jazz was named Jaron.

That was Jazz's birth name.

Aww, my foursome.

My four men.

Look at my four men.

Give me five.

I'd like to stop time right now.

When I heard we were having a boy...

[Laughs] Look at that cute little face.

I was ecstatic.

I mean, I... I'm... I like having little guys to throw baseballs around with and kick soccer balls and throw a football.

You had a foursome for tennis and for golf.

Yeah, yeah.

We're gonna keep you, little guy.

We want to keep this baby.

Wasn't Jazz the cutest little thing?

Wasn't she?

Now you've grown up into a nice blossoming big girl now.

I used to call you dimple baby 'cause you have those cute little dimples.

I have one.

They're still there.

Is it this one?

Remember, you used to hold her, you're like, "my baby.

This is my baby."

So cool.

And then you dropped me.

We found out many years later that Ari dropped Jazz.

Greg: You know what? I have something to tell you.

I dropped you.

Ari: Since I can remember, Jazz always just gravitated towards girly things.

We'd dress her up as a boy. Nope.

Dress, dress.

Like, it's crazy.

Wearing my shoes, my little slippers.

At that point in time, I just was in denial.

I was probably like most people who would think... is that it was just a passing phase.

I could distinctly remember being at the front door, Jazz was dressed in a dress, and I just wasn't leaving the house.

And I just wasn't prepared to go out and let her go out into society dressed as a girl.

I'll never forget, one day, I was at the computer, and Jazz came up to me, and she said, "mom, when is the good fairy gonna come with her magic wand and change my penis into a vag*na?"

And I was really confused.

You know, I have this 2-year-old coming up to me and saying, "I'm a girl."

Like, I had a pit inside of my stomach.

I'm like, "my kid is not 'normal.'

I mean, this is not normal."

Jazz: They took me to the doctor when I was 3 years old, and she held up two dolls.

One doll was a girl and had girl parts, and one doll was a boy and had boy parts, and she said, "which do you have right now?"

And I pointed to the boy doll.

And then she said, "which do you want?"

And I pointed to the girl doll.

I would say that I have a girl brain and a boy body, and I think like a girl, but I... But I just have a boy body, and it's different than you.

"Losing" the idea of my little boy was really hard.

There were days when I was just crying and sad, and I remember very well.

It's very raw.

I did force her to go to school dressed like a boy.

I was not allowed to by the school, and I wasn't quite ready when she was three to let her just dress as a girl to school all the time.

We just weren't there.

One day, she came up to me, and she just says to me, "Mommy, will you do my hair for me?

Can you make it into two ponytails?"

And I made these two Pippi Longstocking ponytails.

She was so cute, and she just looked at me, [voice breaking] and she says, "Mommy, I love you, and I love my hair," and every time I say that, I get all...

I just never forget her looking up at me, and she was so happy.

And it just... I got it.

I was like, "okay, I'm gonna do whatever it takes to make you happy."

What you guys gonna be doing for spring break?

Beach. Beach.

Beachy, beachy?

Hey, guess what... the beach.

Can I go?

Yeah, we can go to the beach with you one day.

With, like, a friend, though, right?

Yeah, you can bring a friend, and we can bring some friends.

We could have a Jennings beach brawl.

I do need to buy a bathing suit.

I feel like I haven't seen you in a bathing suit in forever.

You're taking me shopping.

Aww.

You don't want to go with me? You want to go with her?

And I love to shop.

We can talk about our weird things while the rest of the family's gone.

Your baby sister's growing up.

I know, she really is.

She's gonna be in high school.

It's scaring me.

It's been a long journey.

We've been through... We've been through a lot.

The issues specifically dealing with Jazz being transgender, they're complicated.

And now we're gonna have high school as she's transitioning from a young girl into a young lady, and I really don't know what to expect.

And I'm nervous.

So, it's really nice to have everybody together.

And, you know, as you guys get older, it gets a little tougher.

What would make me proud and happy is if you guys don't grow up and don't go to college and stay home forever.

You don't want to be alone with me?

[Wolf-whistles]

[Laughter]

You're going back to college, like, so soon already.

You just came down. I'm sad.

I'm happy that you're here.

I'll be back soon, though.

I actually have someone to talk to now.

It's hard for me now that Ari is out of the house, because she's my big sister, and I look up to her a lot.

In fact, I got my name Jazz from her, because she was Jasmine in the show "Aladdin" when she was in fourth grade, and I was like 5 years old.

I'm like, "Jazz! I want to be Jazz!"

'Cause I looked up to her that much.

I'm gonna be going into high school soon...

Once this year's over, which I'm excited for, 'cause middle school's annoying.

What were you like in 9th grade?

Weren't you, like, antisocial, kind of-ish?

No, I had boyfriends.

Oh, yeah.

Like, that's the only reason I was ever antisocial.

Boyfriends make you antisocial, yeah.

Jazz does ask me a lot of questions about high school, and it is really funny, because I feel like, yesterday, she was being born.

I know it was tough in the beginning when she first transitioned, 'cause I definitely loved being, like, the only girl.

I was the princess.

But looking back at it, like, Jazz was always wearing my stuff.

Like, we were both princesses.

Hi, Jeanette!

Hi, come on in.

Hi, honey.

Hi, how you doing?

How are you?

Good. Hello, Ma.

I love to have my parents over, whether we're having coffee or tea or dinner or just hanging out, watching old movies.

They lived in New York for so long.

Now they're down here.

You guys want some honey?

Honey for my honeys?

Jack: Leave it for your mother. I'll just have plain tea.

Thanks, hon.

Anyway, how are things going?

Good. We have a busy week coming up.

I'm taking Jazz to the doctor.

Any expectations? Anything?

Well, the doctor called, and some of her blood work is in.

Jeanette: My parents want to know everything about everybody...

Every single detail.

It's exhausting sometimes.

But I think it's in a loving nosy way.

Tell us more about what the doctor says it's going to entail.

We go in there, and the doctor does her vitals.

When Jeanette and Greg knew they had a transgender child, I was devastated.

I saw an older granddaughter, two grandsons, and this person being re-created.

There were no other grandparents experiencing this, no other friends, nobody to turn to.

So I did go to a professional for help.

I didn't know what to do with it.

I'm seeing my grandson here, dressed up in pink.

And what do you do with this?

So I decided to educate myself and ran to the Internet and tried to understand as much as I could.

You know that Jazz had a pediatrician, and I told the pediatrician about her.

And I said, "this is what transgender is."

He was like pooh-poohing me... "yes, I know."

Then right before he goes to examine her, he's like, "so, does she have a penis?"

The most common question I get asked about Jazz that's incorrect is, "did Jazz have the surgery?"

'Cause she looks so girlish in their minds, so they think, "she must have a girl body, as well."

One pediatrician may have a couple transgenders in their career.

Transgender people.

There's no such word as "transgenders."

Just telling you so you know.

I'm learning the language from you, my dear.

Not trannies?

No!

No.

I mean, I think this is a really cute style, right?

Yeah, that's really cute.

Look how thin it is right there. How do I deal with that?

Show me.

[Gasps]

Jack: One pediatrician may have a couple transgenders in their career.

Transgender people.

There's no such word as "transgenders."

Just telling you so you know.

I'm learning the language from you, my dear.

Not trannies?

No!

No.

That's a bad word.

All right. I didn't know that.

It's, like, such an insult.

All right. Learned something.

I'm from a generation that never knew about this, never dealt with this.

This is certainly new, and we're still on this journey.

Wow.

So, what kind of bathing suit do you want to get?

I want a tankini.

Don't limit your options.

There could be like a thousand bathing suits there.

I'm mostly skinny everywhere, except that I have broad shoulders, and then I have, like, extra...

'cause all my fat goes to my stomach.

Why can't it go to my butt and my boobs?

Jazz: I always wanted to make sure that, you know, I looked like any other girl.

I remember when I was 2 or 3 years old, and I had a nightmare that these giant mustaches and beards were chasing me around, and they wanted to attach to my face.

And I remember running up to my mom.

I told her, and she said, "don't worry, that's never gonna happen.

I'm never gonna let that happen to you."

Jack: It's a funny thing.

The last time I spoke to Jazz, she wanted higher estrogen levels.

Every time, she asks the doctor.

More and more and more.

"So, how much can I have more?

I'm not growing at the speed I want to grow."

And she'll look and kind of a little behind her friends.

Do they bring her along gradually?

They have to do it really gradually.

Jeanette: There's a big medical component to being a transgender youth because you do want to avoid the puberty that your body wants to go into.

So Jazz started hormone blockers about 3 1/2 years ago and then went on estrogen about two years ago.

And Jazz is developing nicely like a young lady, like she should be.

Have you noticed any changes lately?

Well, she's gotten taller, and she's definitely developing.

She's starting to get, you know, bigger up top, which she wants.

Her breasts are blossoming.

Wonderful.

Now, tell me, does the doctor carefully measure all these things?

Yeah, I mean, I don't think he's like...

[Laughter]

How long does it take to get that blood work back on her?

The blood work is back.

The doctor will say, "well, here's what's going on with the blood."

In a few days, when it's time to talk to the doctor, I want to know, you know, what's the testosterone level?

How's that doing?

If her testosterone levels are too high, she can start showing signs of secondary male characteristics like growing a beard or getting an Adam's apple.

I don't want that to happen to her. She doesn't want that to happen.

Yeah, it's scary.

This is experimental stuff.

Like, I am messing with my kid's body.

♪

Woman: Hi. How are you guys?

Hello.

My gosh, it's so cute.

Yeah, but I would not look good in that.

You don't know that until you try it on.

I need to find a tankini.

Do you guys have any tankinis?

We don't.

We have one-pieces and mostly just bikinis.

Yeah, I like one-pieces more than two-pieces.

Jazz: Normally, I don't really like to go shopping, because I have to look at it a little bit differently because of my area.

Also when I'm swimming, I have to make sure that I'm wearing skirts or shorts over the bikini bottoms so that no one will see anything.

Look how thin it is right there.

How do I deal with that?

Would you be uncomfortable?

I think I would.

For me, I think the last time I was really comfortable wearing a bathing suit was when I was 5 years old at my 5th birthday party.

Greg: Happy Birthday.

Jazz: I was able to wear a one-piece bathing suit which was sparkly and rainbow and beautiful and defined mini-Jazz.

Jeanette: Of course, everybody that came to the party did a double take, like...

But it was Jazz's birthday, and who was gonna be mean to her on her own birthday?

Jazz: Even at the age of 5, I just knew that this was a big step.

Here I am. You could see me.

It was like a big accomplishment, and it was honestly, like, the best day of my life.

I mean, I think this is a really cute style, right?

Yeah, that's really cute.

I think it would look good on you.

Look at this one.

It's not, like, very revealing.

It's just like your stomach's gonna show, but that's everyone in a bikini.

Ari: Jazz is self-conscious about bathing suits because she has to be.

She needs to see, like, what she likes on her body and what she doesn't.

If she's very, like, narrow-minded about what bathing suit to wear, I think she'll never explore other options.

It's, like, right over here.

Oh, wow, look. That's beautiful.

You can put it with anything.

I picked out a few, yeah.

She wants to be comfortable.

She's not gonna walk out with any, like, kind of bulge or any like that.

That's not who she is.

Like, that's not how she feels on the inside.

Is it fitting?

Jazz: I don't know. I look weird.

Ooh, this looks kind of weird, Ari.

It's probably just 'cause it's a lot of pattern.

Does the skirt fit right, though?

The skirt fits right, but it look really weird.

Just come out.

Ooh.

It's very slimming.

I don't know if it's supposed to go this low.

I think it is.

No, you don't have to do that.

But it looks like there's nothing there, then.

I see formation, though. See, like, you have chest.

You have something on your chest.

You're not completely flat.

All right, I'm gonna go try on others.

You know, it's different because I don't have the natural breasts.

I had to develop them through estrogen like many transgender kids.

I think I like this one.

Come. Show me.

[Gasps] Oh, my gosh, I love the top.

I actually really like this.

Yeah, do you feel good? I can tell you feel good.

Mm-hmm.

Ari: It's her loving it that makes it look really good on her.

Look, I only have, like, this little shmiggle-shmuggle, whatever you want to call it.

It's really not that bad.

It's like a little extra, but... Then the bathing suit.

No, okay, bye.

[Laughs]

Jeanette: I'm really nervous.

This is just not your everyday average type of medicine.

I know you're anxious to hear about your lab work.

Let's talk about that.

♪

Well, we got to see if Chris is ready and everybody and all Jazz's friends are ready for the beach.

Where's Jazz?

Jazz, are you ready to go to the beach?

Jazz: Hold on! I'm coming!

See you in 10 minutes.

She's always late.

I feel great that we're going to the beach, and I just get to have fun and be with my best friend Casey, and we are gonna have a blast.

Wait, which of your friends are going to the beach?

Sander: Yeah, Chris is coming.

Madison is coming, though?

Yeah.

Do you want her to come?

Of course. Why wouldn't I want her to come?

I am currently single as a pringle.

I had a girlfriend for a very long time, but we recently had some complications.

I would say you're single but taken.

I'm not dating, but...

He's taken.

Something like that.

Griffen: Jazz, who's gonna be there of your friends?

Just Casey.

But I'm so jealous 'cause she has, like, the perfect beach body.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, but I have the perfect beach body, too.

Model-shaped.

I'm not gonna even take off my cover-up.

That should be the least of your worries these days, Jazz.

I know, but you know I'm very self-conscious.

I think most girls are.

She's like, "I don't have boobs, I don't have butt, my tummy's a little big."

She even has a name, belly pot, for her stomach.

Now, that's where it's different than most girls' insecurities.

Most girls are just like, "oh, I don't have any boobs, no guys are gonna like me."

"Oh, my God, my friend has bigger boobs than me.

Oh, my God."

I don't know, and my boobs are not that big.

Boobs don't matter.

It's about personality.

That's so annoying, though.

Like, all guys, all they care about is butt and boobs.

Even you guys, too. I know you guys are like that.

I'm all about personality.

Guys kind of shy away from her because she is transgender.

She wants guys to like her whether she'll date them or not.

She feels like she's missing a part of her life because guys don't look at her.

They walk away from her.

They'll give everybody else hugs, and they'll give her a high-five.

And it hurts her.

If a guy doesn't like you for who you are, then they don't matter, all right?

It's not that. It's that they're not worth it.

They're not worth it.

So, they shouldn't care about your boobs.

I know you care, but at the same time, you shouldn't.

When Jazz starts dating, we're gonna make sure we have an interview with the guy and be like, "hello, sir, what is your name?"

Make sure they have the great manners, make sure they're perfect. We're gonna interview him.

We're gonna find the best guy for her.

You have the best personality out there, so any guy's lucky to have you.

Ooh, you're so sweet.

You guys have okay personalities.

Oh, thanks. Shucks, that's means so much.

Mine's better than his, correct?

Um, yeah, I would say so.

♪

Hey, guys.

All right, we'll take ball first because I got two ladies, you guys have one.

Is that supposed to mean women are weak?

Chris, you go get them.

A day at the beach encompasses pretty much swimming in the water, maybe tanning, and sports.

Sports, sports, sports.

What?

Jazz: Because they are the athletic boys, they get really crazy when it comes to winning and losing.

Cover.

Go score. Score!

Griffen, Griffen.

Hey, hey.

I've being growing to be competitive, as well, so when it comes to sports, we all try to b*at each other and k*ll other.

Goal!

I'm the soccer champ.

Yeah!

♪

Jeanette: You know where the facial brushes are?

How does someone even brush their hair?

You're not supposed to sample brushes.

Oh, sorry.

Put it back, back.

It looks like a microphone.

Jeanette: I think Jazz and I have a great relationship.

I just love being around her. Her personality is so fun.

Like, I know if I'm with Jazz, I'm gonna be laughing.

This one's really pretty, and it's, like, sparkly pretty.

This is what I do when I want to...

[gasps] Ooh.

Mom, you broke it.

Sorry.

Shh. Put it back.

Do you girls need any help with anything today?

Yes, I want to get a full makeover.

We both need it.

But you don't have makeup on. I do already.

It's for you. She's going into high school.

At least you don't look orange today, honestly.

You have those days when you look like a little oompa loompa.

Thanks.

She knows I'm really into the bronzer, and I can come up looking a little orange-y.

But I yell at her.

I'm like, "don't let me leave the house if I look like an oompa loompa."

Like, stop me, somebody. Like, you're my family.

It's like if you had broccoli between your teeth or something.

So, you just, like, apply it all over your face?

Yeah, just like you would a moisturizer or a foundation, and you don't need a lot.

Just start in the center of the face and blend it out.

Jeanette: That looks really nice.

You're glowing, but you don't look like an oompa loompa.

So, maybe you should use this.

Take a lesson, Mom. No.

[Laughter]

I love shopping for makeup.

When it comes to makeup...

I don't want to say I'm a makeup whore.

No, that's bad. [Laughs]

Mom, you said you started wearing makeup in high school, right, or was it before that?

No, I ended up wearing a lot of makeup in high school.

But I was more into makeup than you are 'cause you're a natural beauty, and I needed help.

Did people think it was weird that you wore makeup?

It was the '80s.

Everybody was wearing tons...

Everybody wore makeup in the '80s.

So, do you think I should wear makeup in high school, Mom?

I'm okay with it. Just a little, but not too much.

I'm not sure, 'cause not all girls wear makeup now, just some.

I see a lot of girls your age wearing a lot of makeup.

I'm definitely worried about Jazz when the friends start to get more into the dating world.

It's gonna be hard.

It'd be hard for any kid, but then being transgender, what mom wouldn't worry about that?

Are you ready to see?

Yes, I am.

Ooh.

A clown.

No, I'm just kidding. It looks beautiful.

♪

Jeanette: Look at you.

You look so grown up.

[Laughs]

Look at you.

Look at you.

You don't look like a little Jazz anymore.

You look like big-girl Jazz, like big teenage girl.

Oh, I thought you meant "big girl" meaning fatter Jazz.

No, seriously.

I just... I'm not ready to have a high-schooler.

You're my baby.

You don't understand. Wait till you're a mom one day. You'll see.

What's the hardest grade in high school?

Well, it depends what's going on in your life.

Like, I had a lot of drama when I was in 10th and 11th grade, so that was really hard.

9th grade was scary.

Like, I was feeling myself out, finding my way, you know?

And senior year, I was, like, ready.

What did he just say?

Stop. Mom, stop.

What's the hardest grade in high school?

9th grade was scary.

Like, I was feeling myself out, finding my way, you know?

And senior year, I was, like, ready.

What did he just say?

Stop. Mom, stop.

My heart rate...

They're not worth it.

It doesn't matter what they think.

I'm your mom and I love you, and I don't want anybody calling you that.

They're just stupid punks.

I'm not used to it. I know you're used to it.

I mean, it happens sometimes, but... I don't know.

Jazz: It does happen to me a lot...

People being mean to me or people not accepting me.

You know, I remember this certain instance where there was this kid who called me an "it."

And I knew he called me an "it" because I was transgender.

It was an act of bullying because it happened constantly, every single day.

What do you even think about that?

Didn't bother you at all?

I mean, at first, I was like, "what?"

I know you've had that happen to you, and I'm not usually with you, and I'm not used to it.

I thought you were about to get up.

I was.

I saw you.

You were about to... you're like, "where are they going?"

The blood just rushed into my brain.

No one says that to my kids.

Like, and I was just saying how you'll understand someday when you're a mom, and you'll understand, like, the protectiveness that I have.

Like, I would run after them and get hurt just to say something to them.

But I wouldn't want you to have to see me get hurt.

I am definitely overprotective in certain ways.

But when you're transgender, it can be very dangerous.

People are m*rder*d every year because they are transgender.

I just...

I want to protect you from people like that so badly.

I'm really sorry that you had to hear that.

I love you.

And why don't we get out of here?

Give me a big hug.

Mm, look at me, you big girl.

Okay.

♪

[doorbell rings]

Jeanette: Jazz, your friends are here.

Go answer the door.

What's Jazz up to?

Jazz is having a gaggle of friends 'cause she's having a slumber party.

So it's gonna be chaotic. It's gonna be a crazy night.

Jazz has a group of friends now that she's been hanging out with for a while, but way back when, not everybody knew she was transgender.

So I had a rule she's not allowed to go to anybody's house or have anybody over here unless the parents knew.

¡Hola, mis amigos!

Hello.

[Laughter]

Next one.

Jeanette: Sometimes I dreaded having the talk.

Throughout Jazz's entire lifetime, there have been people that have tried to keep their kids away from her.

It's good to know right from the beginning.

Like, okay, this person has a problem with it.

It's good that they knew because guess what.

We don't want you in our lives.

So it kind of solves the problem.

I get my tampon chapstick.

[Laughter]

I call this my tampon.

It falls on the floor, and she goes, "you dropped your tampon."

I have those handful of friends who do love and accept me for who I am.

What's really funny is sometimes they even forget that I'm transgender.

They'll talk about their period, and I'm like, "I don't get my period."

And then they'll be like, "oh, yeah, I forgot."

So, they just consider me as another normal girl.

You all know her boobs got bigger.

So big!

Well, at least compared to me.

In the sixth grade, I had, like, no boobs, and then, like, all of a sudden, it just, like, happened.

That's what happens.

Well, like, I'm still waiting.

[Laughter]

At school, boob size is definitely an issue for a lot of girls.

They're very competitive about it, and they want their boobs to be the biggest.

For me, it's just mostly, you know, fitting in and being another girl.

If I have have boobs, then I could look like a girl to everyone else.

But for other girls, it's mostly about boys.

She said that she can't wait till I get braces so I'll look ugly and all the boys won't like me.

[Laughter]

I think a few of us are boy crazy here.

[Laughter]

Even you, though.

You get boys sometimes, and so do you.

And everyone thinks... a lot of guys think you're pretty.

I'm like the only one that never has gotten anything, honestly.

Ever since everyone knew that I was transgender, like, no one has liked me.

I face most of my discrimination from the boys because they think that they're gay for liking another "boy."

And they just overall think that I'm disgusting and weird.

I'd like to be respected for who I am.

I start thinking about the fact, is it really just 'cause of below, or is it because I'm actually, like, ugly or have a bad personality?

No, it's because the boys at our school, all they care about is boobs and butt.

All the girls in our grade, like, all the ones that are really popular and stuff, it's 'cause they have it.

Well, it's coming.

[Laughter]

She's reminded of the fact that she isn't quite like the other girls.

And it's just gonna get worse because everybody's just gonna start pairing off and dating.

There's gonna be some big mountains to climb over the next few years, and I really don't know what to expect.

You have so much going on with all of this.

How are you coping?

It's become sort of the norm.

But the again, every now and then, I pull myself out, and I'm like, "is this really happening?"

It's scary.

I just... I'm having a really hard time.

She's got to go through stuff.

I wish I could take some of this away.

You have so much going on with all of this.

How are you coping?

It's become sort of the norm.

But the again, every now and then, I pull myself out, and I'm like, "is this really happening?"

It's scary.

I'm nervous about the doctor's appointment for Jazz.

One of the major things we check are her testosterone levels, and it's supposed to be suppressed.

And I'm always sweating, my palms are sweating till I get that number in.

This is fresh. We're the Guinea pigs.

Jazz is a Guinea pig.

But there are other people...

I don't like to think of it that way.

I don't why you said that. That's not how I look at it.

Let's just say she's one of the newer kids of this generation that have done this.

It makes my stomach churn, honestly, when I think about what she's gonna have to go through.

I don't talk to Jazz about surgery.

It's just one of those things I sort of don't want to deal with and don't want to think about.

And if she's not bringing it up, I don't want to talk about it.

I know a friend of hers that had the surgery at 16.

And we would... And Jazz said...

Really?

Is that allowed? I thought not.

There has been 16-year-olds.

We're coming through these teenage years, which are not easy years for any teenager.

And she has all this extra stuff to deal with.

She has to sort it out.

She has to face the world one way, perhaps herself another.

I have been so proud of the way you've handled this.

And, you know...

It's not easy.

I can't even speak the right words.

But just, you've got two proud parents here.

We've had exciting times. We've had difficult times.

But through it all, we stuck together, and we know that at the end of the day, it's all about unconditional love.

Everybody has their stuff. This is ours.

You know, I have to say, it could be much worse.

I count my blessing every day.

Ooh, girl.

Those are nice. Look at that.

I love this.

♪

This is to get, like, a nice smokey.

A nice shade of eye shadow make you look very pretty.

Close your eyes.

This color's pretty.

Hey, you guys want some more makeup?

[Girls screaming]

Girl: Oh, my God!

Your chandelier is shaking.

What's that mean?

[Screaming continues]

The room is gonna be such a mess.

You wouldn't be able to tolerate what goes on up there.

I'm not going upstairs to find out.

[Laughs]

Jazz: I'm not cleaning this.

[Laughter]

♪

Jeanette: So, do you have a lot of questions for the doctor?

I'm gonna ask about increasing my dosage and maybe getting more boobs and if I'm gonna get a wide figure.

'Cause you know how I'm, like, square, spongebob squarepants?

[Laughs]

I'd like to change that a little bit and get more of an hourglass figure.

I do want big boobs because it's something that really identifies me as a girl to everyone else when they look at me.

When someone looks at someone, and they're like, "oh, is that a girl or a guy?"

They look right at the boobs and they're like, "oh, a girl."

I'm gonna ask him, like, genetically, can you inherit my traits or Ari's traits?

Well, if I inherit your traits, then we know what that means.

It means they'll be hanging on the ground by the time you're 25.

♪ Do your boobs hang low? Do they wobble to the floor? ♪
♪ Can you tie them in a knot... ♪

Yes, yes, yes.

[Laughs]

♪

And now we wait.

Are you nervous for me?

I'm always nervous.

This is just not your average type of medicine.

Jeanette: I never know what the test results are gonna be.

And my biggest fear is the doctor's gonna say, "oh, her testosterone levels are really high."

And then, of course, I have visions of her growing a beard or her Adam's apple protruding or having this kind of growth spurt in a kind of masculine way.

What 14-year-old girl wants to look like a guy?

[Knock on door] Hey, guys.

Hello.

Hello.

How are you? Good to see you.

How you feeling?

I'm good.

Good.

Dr. Charlton: I met Jazz probably three years ago, and she was just on the cusp of entering male puberty.

So the timing was ideal, because that allowed us to prevent her from progressing far enough with male puberty that she would have long-term effects such as mustache that are difficult to get rid of.

She's almost done with middle school.

Little baby Jazz is growing up.

Jeanette: Dr. Charlton is a godsend.

He is very special.

In the past, I had doctors that said, "oh, yeah, I'm willing to treat Jazz."

And then we get to the office, meet with the doctor, and I get a phone call the next day... they got cold feet.

Have you noticed any more changes, particularly with regards to breast development?

They keep growing.

Good.

But right now, I'm still the friend with, like, the smallest boobs.

I'm number two, second smallest.

I could have heard this out of the mouth of any girl your age, transgender or not.

And that's the goal...

To have normal developmental experience, right?

Right?

Yeah.

Since I know you're anxious to hear about your lab work, let's talk about that.

And then we'll go through sort of our process, where we've come from and where we're going and how best to get there.

Since I know you're anxious to hear about your lab work, let's talk about that.

And then we'll go through sort of our process, where we've come from and where we're going and how best to get there.

Uh...

The hormone blockers are working brilliantly.

There's absolutely zero sign of any male puberty.

Yay!

Yay.

We're blocked. No mustaches. No beards.

[Laughter]

Right.

Jeanette: I'm relieved to hear that testosterone levels are low.

It's very important for Jazz to fit in and look like the other girls.

I think that she would be completely depressed and probably suicidal if she had to go through male puberty.

The estrogen levels are a little bit low for an adult female...

Jazz: Estrogen is really important because it puts me on track as far as development with my other friends.

And they're a little bit low actually for a girl your age.

Ever since I've been like 11 years old, I've always just wanted to fit in with all my friends and be the same.

I feel a little worried.

The fact that you're still seeing breast development tells me that your body is still reacting to this dose.

So we're gonna talk about that, how fast do we advance to final adult dosing, what does that mean for breast development, for other things, particularly your height.

You're 5'1½" now.

She wants to be 5'7".

I can't control that.

But if we jump up your estrogen dose, breasts will get bigger, but it will also speed up how fast your growth plates close.

So we risk stopping your growth.

You know, it's just really frustrating when I think about the fact that my friends never have to worry about estrogen levels.

They just get their boobs and their body and everything perfectly, and they don't have to go through the things that I go through.

So, maybe we should talk about what kind of schedule we can do that might be a little slower.

I'm willing to wait.

If I could get the height and the full development by just being patient and waiting a little bit more, then I'd prefer to do that rather than rush in, not get tall, and just get what I want.

And there's always breast augmentation.

Well, that's actually sort of the next stage.

At some point, I know that you're gonna want to talk about surgery and what are the options and all those things.

Jeanette: I've been pushing it out of my mind and Jazz has been little and we don't have to worry about it.

But with high school coming, it's a huge wake-up call for me.

Like, oh, my goodness, we're gonna have to start thinking about this.

There's the distinction between top surgery and bottom surgery, right?

So, your mom was saying there's always breast augmentation.

So in your case, that would be the top surgery.

But when you're talking about bottom surgery, there are several different methods by which that's done.

I know you have thoughts on that, so what are your thoughts currently on that?

I just don't know where I'm at at the moment.

It is a life-altering decision.

I mean, you're literally changing your body completely, and it's something scary to think about.

I'm just used to my body by now.

I can look down, I'm like, "oh, hey, thing-a-minga, how are you?"

[Laughs]

My advice would be before you do any type of big surgery, you want to be done growing.

How do you feel about all of those decisions being on your shoulders?

It's a little overwhelming.

I have so many important choices that I have to make, and it really all comes down to me.

My mom's not gonna decide what body I'm gonna have.

I'm gonna be deciding.

Although I'm not 100% sure if I'm gonna be doing the bottom surgery...

I don't want to die a virgin, but...

[Laughs]

I just said that. Why do I say these things?

[Laughs]

Why do say these things?

♪

Hey, beautiful. [Chuckles]

What happened with the doctor?

[Sighs]

Well, her estrogen levels are low.

And what are they gonna do? Or what do they recommend?

We're gonna hold off a little bit on giving her more estrogen because the doctor wants to make sure she can get a little more height.

And then we touched upon surgery.

What was her response?

She was sort of like... Left the door open.

She's not sure. She hasn't decided. She's got time.

And I'm thinking, you know, she's gonna be 15 in October.

15 is a lot closer to 18 than it was when she was 9, 10, and 11, you know?

Now I realize it's getting closer.

You think Jazz is okay?

Do you feel like all the issues that are in front of her now, she's handling them fine?

No, I worry about her 'cause she's hot and cold.

Sometimes, she's like, "oh, I'm fine."

And other times, she's really kind of a mess about it.

A mess about the medical stuff, or just a mess about going into high school and her friends...

I think it's a little bit... She'll say she doesn't know why.

She's just like, "I just feel overwhelmed."

It's like she's like, "I don't know why I feel this way, but I feel off."

Greg and I love each other very much.

We've been together for a long time, and he's just so comforting.

Like, I feel so safe and protected by him.

I feel like with him on my side, I can never go wrong.

And I'm crazy, and he's just my calm.

He's my rock.

I'm having a really hard time processing all that is ahead of her.

But I just... I'm not ready for this chapter.

I guess that's what it is.

I don't think you are, either.

Greg: Jazz's challenges ahead are scarier than they've been in the past, but it's kind of been the story of Jazz's life.

There's a lot of things that we've confronted that we had no road map for.

[Sighs] I hate this.

I wish I could take some of this away, you know?

[Voice breaking] To be the person that she knows she is, she's got to go through stuff that she shouldn't have to.

Why can't... you know, I wish she could just be.

[Sniffles]

You're getting black.

And I know she'll be... She's so strong.

Well, you do take a lot of it away.

She has to tell me, "it's gonna be okay, Mom," sometimes.

You know what? Everything will be okay.

We'll be there for each other. We'll be there for the kids.

Everything will be okay.

I think every age has a different set of challenges.

There are ups and downs to everything in Jazz's life, but we are far away from being home free to rainbows and unicorns and all that butterfly stuff.

I mean, we're just not there yet.

I'm gonna go to sleep on you.

Okay. And I can watch TV?

You can watch sports.

Cool. [Laughs]

I don't feel like going under the covers.

I'm having hot flashes.

[Laughs]

Jazz: This season on "I am Jazz"...

Kitty cat!

[Screams]

There's the tail!

[Screams]

I don't like lizards!

I haven't been a teenager for that long, and I'm experiencing new things every single day.

I want people to support me just like any other girl.

Woman: You know, most of the people already know she's transgender, but in high school, they're gonna be gunning for her.

People don't care about your feelings at all.

We should invite some boys.

I don't know.

Boys are always flirting with my friends.

I'm just being ignored, and it hurts.

You know how a lot of the other boys didn't come?

Yeah.

Do you think it's because I'm transgender?

I just don't know what to do.

I just know there's gonna be more of this.

When people don't understand something, they're scared of it.

At last check, male puberty was completely suppressed, but the current implant is no longer being effective.

Scary, 'cause to me, the hormones are saving her life.

I'm just so stressed out.

I don't know how to deal with it.

I want Jazz to be happy and know that I'm here for her.

Jazz: No matter what challenges I go through...

My big sister!

I'm so lucky because my family has taught me what unconditional love means, and that's honestly all I need.

I love you.

Love you, too. [Smooches]