01x05 - Welcome the Stranger

[bunniefuu]

[singing with Christian rock]
♪ I'm gonna bask in your glory ♪
♪ I'm gonna gaze on your beauty ♪
♪ I'm gonna set my heart to be constantly seeking your grace ♪
♪ This is my... ♪

[both laugh]

♪ Longing of my heart ♪

You nervous?

It's a lot of money.

If it gets us on TV, it's worth it.

I can't believe Bishop Congdon is coming.

I can't believe TV's something we're even talking about.

Yeah, believe and get ready for it.

Whoo.

So guess who called?

Hmm?

Frankie and Nina. Remember that couple we met in Denver.

They had that... that pug.

I remember.

Well, they left a message. They're in town.

They said we should meet up.

You're not gonna call them back, are you?

We said they should get in contact if they were ever in town. Now you want me to ignore them?

Or you could tell them that this could be the biggest weekend of your life and you need to focus.

You want to be ready for this, right?

You're nervous.

Don't be.

♪ I want to bask in your glory ♪

[chuckles]

Paul: [singing indistinctly]

Never gone this long without talking to me before.

I'm not sure if it was something I did or didn't do.

Could be a good sign.

You said the cop who r*ped Jocelyn is dead.

Maybe PJ's at peace.

"At peace" is a polite way of saying "dead."

I need my son awake.

[Fantastic Negrito's An Honest Man]

♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh ♪
♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh ♪
♪ Now I'm in love again ♪
♪ Huh, no, this time ♪
♪ It's not with my hand ♪
♪ Wandering murdering ♪
♪ Every time ♪
♪ That I get the chance ♪
♪ I'm a human ♪
♪ But remember first I'm a man ♪
♪ You painted pictures for me ♪
♪ But I refuse to understand ♪
♪ I should have prayed the night before ♪
♪ Now I'm losing ♪
♪ Everything I had ♪
♪ Yesterday it felt so good ♪
♪ But now today it feels so bad ♪

[indistinct chatter]

[man howling]

[man shouting indistinctly]

Man: Get him out of here!

Hey, you should use the phone in B.

Never a line there.

The white phone?

You want to get me f*cked up by your Peckerwood buddies?

No.

Well, I'll tell 'em you paid me a pack of cigarettes.

I don't have cigarettes. I don't even have canteen.

I said that's what I'd tell 'em.

Oh, so this would be a favor?

Man, you look like you could use a friend.

No one's your friend in here unless they want something.

Maybe... You mind?

In this place, sometimes a friend helps you feel normal.

You know?

Yeah. I hear you.

I don't understand the problem, okay?

I'm talking about moving a wire across the highway, plugging it in, and click, turning the f*cking lights on.

No, technically, you're talking about a power grid expansion.

That's what it would take in order for San Vicente to accommodate the Brooks project.

Without it, you're dead in the water.

Well, whatever you're talking about, you should do it at the Conclave this weekend.

The Cartesian Conclave?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that's the one.

Between Brooks Innovations and Mayor Boston, I'm confident that we can find a way to make you feel comfortable about expediting the great expansion.

I've never been to the Conclave.

No, neither have I, it's men only, but apparently, that's how business gets done around here.

[chuckles]

Mr. Mayor, is Judge Harris gonna be there?

Oh, the judge has some family matters that he's attending to.

Oh, that's too bad.

I'd really love him to be part of this conversation.

Do you think Pernell might be able to change his plans?

I mean, I bet he could use some relaxation.

I'll get him there.

I've always wanted to see the Conclave.

Crystal knows as well as I do, if we don't have the head of the DWP in our pocket, we are f*cked.

She'll understand if you have to leave for a few days.

I told you, these dinners are a big deal to her.

She's been making sh*t like stuffed cabbage, Cornish hen.

It's been good for us, getting focused on family.

We're family too, aren't we?

That's right. Listen to your godson, Pernell.

You can miss a couple of dinners.

It's not just that.

I'm waiting on some information from some guy in jail.

He helped Shane Caldwell cover up the r*pe.

Please don't be talking about this Julio Farkas.

Hold up, you agreed to let the police handle this.

I also made a promise to my son.

And I made a promise to this Goldstein m*therf*cker.

Let me ask you something, this jail they're holding Julio in, they got locks on the doors, right?

Most likely.

Then I'm pretty sure he'll still be there when we get back.

[sighs] Look, if you can smooth it over with Crystal, I'm in.

That'll be the easy part.

[humming]

I'll be back in two days... less even.

39 hours, give or take.

It's okay, honey, you got to go.

I promise I won't do anything stupid.

Will you promise to eat what I made for you?

No.

[laughs]

You're baking now?

Well, I don't want to lose this thing we got going on, and I know how you like your sweets.

Nina: Wow, thanks for the tour.

It's one thing knowing you're a preacher, but seeing you like this is a whole other thing.

Oh, don't get distracted by the collar.

I tell everybody I'm still human, I just happen to have a job that requires a uniform.

Dude, I know who he sounds like.

Who?

Tom Cruise.

[laughs] I've heard that before.

Oh, f*ck, totally.

You kind of even look like him too.

Ow.

You said the F word in a church.

It's fine, I've heard all the bad words.

[laughs]

Alicia: Hey.

Frankie: There she is.

Hey, Alicia. Girl, those boots are on fleek.

What's going on?

Well, Frankie's sister is having a baby, so we're driving up to Sacramento in the morning, but we're here for tonight, and we really want to take you guys out for dinner.

That would be great, but unfortunately, we already have plans.

Actually, we're having dinner with Bishop Bruce Congdon and his wife.

Congdon? The TV guy?

That's the one. He's thinking of adding us to his One in The Savior network.

Okay, fancy. You got to celebrate, right?

How about you meet us for a drink after?

What do you say, a quick cocktail afterwards?

I don't think that's a good idea.

He has a sermon in the morning.

She's probably right. Reverend needs his beauty sleep.

[laughs]

Well, if you change your mind, we're staying at the Coronet.

You have our number.

Yeah. It was great to see you.

You too. Bye.

Alicia: Yeah.

Take care.

[big band music]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

Let me take that for you, sir.

Yeah.

♪ ♪
♪ I've got it good that's what they say ♪
♪ But I'd rather be lucky ♪
♪ I'd rather be lucky ♪
♪ What's good is good and that's okay ♪
♪ ♪
♪ But I'd rather be lucky ♪
♪ Be lucky with you ♪
♪ ♪

Judge Harris.

How are you, Goldstein?

I'm glad to see you.

Here you go.

Mr. Goldstein. Hey, thanks for coming.

Goldstein: Thanks for making it happen.

Bobo: Did you doubt us?

Goldstein: Just for a second.

[laughter]

Bobo: Hey, good to see you.

Ah, let's toast to a good working environment, shall we?

Goldstein: Get a lot done.

Bobo: Indeed. Salut, my first time.

Pernell: Bobo.

Yes?

What's Tessa doing here?

Is that a trick question?

Yeah, it's just my way of saying thanks for coming, you're welcome.

No. g*dd*mn it, this is not good.

It's too much temptation.

Okay, now you got me turned around.

I thought you'd be happy.

I can't have her in here, Bobo.

I can't see her in a place like this.

I wish you'd have sent me that memo.

Bobo: Mr. Goldstein. Salut.

Goldstein: Salut. How's about a game of cards?

Bobo: You fancy a card game, do you?

Goldstein: I wouldn't mind. Bring any money?

Hey, man, why you always carrying that book?

Mm. Looking for answers, you know.

And you think they're in there?

Not all of 'em.

Some of 'em are in here.

No, man, you said we were friends, no strings.

I can't ask a few questions?

I knew it.

Come on.

I knew it. About what?

Shane Caldwell.

Dude, you better back off.

I got nothing to say about that.

Hey, hey, I could help you.

Back the f*ck off, man! I told you, I'm not f*cking talking about that sh*t!

Get the f*ck away from me.

[big band music]

♪ ♪

Mmm. Looks tasty.

Did she send enough for the whole class?

It's 'cause she couldn't make me dinner.

We've been eating together.

Ozzie and Harriet.

She's really trying. So am I.

And then I see you, and...

[sighs]

This is why I didn't want you here.

Because you want me?

'Cause you make me happy.

'Cause you make me feel like I actually deserve to be happy.

But the Bible says...

Mm.

What does this say?

Do you want to see me tonight?

More than anything.

Why does that sound like a no?

'Cause I can't.

'Cause it's a Commandment, and because I love her.

Love is not something you run out of.

What we do doesn't have to get in the way of how you feel about Crystal.

We just need to find a way to make it fit.

[sighs] I don't know how to do that.

All right, little closer, here we go, and...

Ah.

[laughter]

All right, yeah, we'll post that with a shout-out.

#handofgod.

[chuckles]

And you can re-gram it.

You are on social, right?

Oh, you bet.

Instagram, Twitter, Vine, Facebook, it's really helped fuel our recent growth, but this, having you here is the biggest thing that's ever happened for Hand of God Chapel.

Thank you.

Oh. It's no charity.

You got yourself on Bishop's radar.

[imitating radar beeps]

[laughter]

By the way, who brought Pernell Harris into the fold?

You heard about Brother Harris?

Word travels fast on the Christianet.

Young church like yours pops up out of nowhere, lands a big whale like that, you better believe the Bishop's gonna hear about it.

We just want to put ourselves in the best possible position to spread the word.

Every church needs a cornerstone member, and Harris is yours, and the good thing about people who come to God late, they're always in a hurry to make up for lost time.

[laughter]

You can use that.

Yeah.

He's certainly made it clear he wants to help.

Our goal now is to have a televised service by the time Easter rolls around.

Hmm.

Do you know what Bishop Congdon looks for in a young preacher?

Someone that reminds him of himself, and I must say, I see a little Bruce in you.

[laughter]

Yeah, me too.

I don't know, he's got that... you know what it is.

He's got it.

Hmm.

And that's both good and bad.

Ain't that right, Ida?

Well, you know what they say.

Every gift comes with a choice.

You see, the young Bruce had a problem, separating the mission from ambition.

He found that if he focused too hard on climbing the ladder, that he couldn't faithfully spread the word.

Paul's all about the mission.

Hmm. How long we been sitting here?

We couldn't even make it through the appetizers without you asking me to put you on TV.

[clicks tongue]

I was...

I was asking for pointers.

[laughs]

What does the Bishop always say?

When you're pushing God, it's okay to have fake tits.

[laughs]

You just can't be... full of sh*t.

[laughs]

Anne: Well, I get wined and dined a lot by people who want our business, but home cooked.

This is nice.

[laughs]

Well, I'm on a bit of a roll in the kitchen these days, and whatever helps land the deal, right?

Well, you could've just microwaved popcorn, it wouldn't matter.

What do you mean?

Mr. Brooks told me and Guy to do whatever we can to keep the judge's wife happy. CHPR's got the account.

That's not good news?

Uh, no, no, it's great. [Chuckles]

Is that really what Mr. Brooks calls me, the judge's wife?

Don't take it personally.

When I first started at Brooks, I heard him refer to me on multiple occasions as "the exotic one."

Oh, f*ck him. God, these Silicon Valley guys, they like to pretend they're so f*cking progressive.

I thought Brooks would at least try to fake it.

It really bothers you, doesn't it, being defined by Pernell?

I love my husband, but... [chuckles]

I did not get my ass into Stanford and build my business from scratch so I could be called "the judge's wife."

So is that why you've been making deals behind his back?

Excuse me?

We've been looking into all the companies who snapped up land around the Brooks Innovation site while it was still cheap.

As expected, the lion's share has some connection to the Harris family trust, but there was one surprise.

I wasn't expecting to find that one of the companies was owned by you, and just you.

I had a little pin money.

Are you planning to do something with that tidbit?

Learn from it.

We might never get what we earn on merit, but that doesn't mean we can't get what we deserve.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Bishop Bruce, I just want to say, I am so sorry if my enthusiasm put you off.

Not that you seem put off.

I know an affiliation with your ministry would do wonders for our little church, and so I do apologize if I got ahead of myself.

Don't go all hound dog on me now.

The Bishop is all about grooming young churches.

Just sometimes, they need a little tough love.

I'm here to follow your lead.

Now, that's what I want to hear.

Yes, now, if the Bishop decides to work with your church, there are steps to take. First of all, you'll have to join our One in the Savior council.

We know, and we would love to be a part of it.

This quarter, we're raising funds for missions to West Africa.

The Lord has so much work to do there.

Yes, he does.

You take cash? [Chuckles]

[laughs]

[laughs]

Beep, beep. Pump the brakes, little lady.

Now, there is a membership fee for One in The Savior, but you don't just get to buy your way in.

You have to be invited.

I see promise, but I'm still on the fence.

Anything we can do to nudge you over, you let us know.

Well, you'll get your chance tomorrow when the Bishop hears you preach.

We have to get permission from the Pisas.

Already did.

Alcala doesn't care. It's your call.

You sure this guy's a pig?

Everybody's saying he k*lled a cop.

No, no, he used to wear blue, and he rang me up, so f*ck him.

I'm not green-lighting anything until it's confirmed.

My word's not good enough anymore?

Used to be. Now I'm not so sure.

Hey, you can't expect employee discounts when you stop working for the company.

I don't think you know my name, boy.

Easy, KD.

We just saw you got your hundred percent b*rned off.

Yeah, 'cause where it was and what it said made it kind of hard to get a job.

We thought maybe it was because you're on the Jesus tip now.

Well, I'm a believer, if that's what you mean.

Oh, me too, brother.

Are you "eye for an eye" or "turn the other cheek"?

Huh? What else you want to know about me, huh?

What else you want to know about me?

All right, come on, now, KD.

Let him go.

Let him go, now, or we're gonna have a different kind of problem.

[sputters and gasps]

Stop getting riled up, man.

We just want to make sure we're still your family.

For life.

Good.

If this Farkas really was a cop, we'll shove a boot so far up that cholo's ass, he'll spit leather. All right?

f*cking assholes.

You got this. You got this.

"Jesus preached the gospel of 'yes.'

Yes, he loves you. Yes, you can.

But too often I hear preachers"...

People. You hear people, Paul.

[sighs] "Too often I hear prea... people up here on the pulpit preaching the gospel of no.

We tell you what you shouldn't do, What you can't"... No, "who you can't be.

Who you can't be."

"We tell you what you shouldn't do, what you... who you can't"...

f*ck! sh*t! sh*t!

Maybe you can't be a preacher. Maybe you're full of sh*t.

Are you full of sh*t?

Are you crying?

[breathes sharply]

I'm about the mission.

I'm all about the mission.

Frankie: What's up, preacher man?

[sighs]

I'm betting 100.

[scoffs] Forget it.

I'm out.

You got me again, f*ckers. Fold.

Yeah, me too. I got nothing.

[laughs]

I see what's happening here.

You're letting me win to soften me up.

Bobo: Nah, I don't get down like that.

You're just lucky tonight, so far.

[laughter]

Hey, uh, Pernell, that Tessie girl, she's here for you, right?

No, I'm not doing that anymore.

What do you mean, you don't do that?

Not f*cking around, trying to live up to my vows.

Oh, good for you. So, she's fair game?

Because everybody was saying that's your piece, and I was with her a couple times last year, and oh, man. [Laughs]

Been jerking off to the memories ever since.

Let's deal. New hand.

Yeah, let's see if I can lose the rest of my kid's college fund.

It's like she studied anatomy, right?

She did this thing with her tongue around my balls that was just... ohh!

Man: Okay.

You know what?

Maybe I will be with her tonight.

50.

Your little reminiscences?

Giving me second thoughts.

Oh. Now you got my hopes up.

Let me ask you a question. I do something to piss you off?

Matlof: [chuckles] I'm out.

My pride has cost me enough. I fold.

Goldstein: It's just me and you, Pernell.

Hey, here's an idea, why don't we play this hand heads-up?

If I win, I get to spend the night with that world-class hooker.

Bobo: Let's just finish the hand, guys.

Can we get some more drinks over here?

I raise 100, and please don't call Tessie a hooker.

[scoffs] [laughs]

What, are you serious?

Getting paid for sex is the definition of a hooker.

[laughs]

What she is is a beautiful, intelligent woman, and I would appreciate it if you would show her some respect.

Oh, my God.

Are you her father?

You're getting very territorial.

f*ck you, Matlof.

Just 'cause she chose a certain profession doesn't mean she doesn't deserve respect.

Different professions deserve varying degrees of respect.

I don't think we've quite dropped below the threshold for "hooker" tonight.

Can we please not use that word?

Okay, I just need to know, are we playing for money or a night with a beautiful, intelligent woman?

Playing for money. All right, let's go.

Nah, let's play for Tessie.

If I win, you leave her alone, tonight and forever.

Fair enough. What do you got?

[men exhaling]

Damn, that's quite a hand.

Shame, mine's even better.

Matlof: [laughs]

[laughing] It's a real shame.

[giggles]

Whoo!

Fellas.

Hey.

[electronic music]

I feel the need, the need for speed.

Whoo! Yeah.

I will fire when I'm g*dd*mn good and ready to fire, you got that?

Nina: Yes!

Paul: Yes!

Nina: f*ck, yeah.

Okay, now do... now do Jerry Maguire.

Okay, uh...

I don't care about endorsements. Endorsements are easy.

I'm focused on the next 20 years.

Uh, uh, I want you in your own private mansion, on your own island, named after you, with your own parrot.

A parrot, a talking parrot in a gold cage, and then every single time...

[laughs] A parrot!

You walk through the door, that parrot says...

"Show me the money!

Show me the money! Show me the"...

[knocking at the door]

♪ ♪

Shh.

[music stops]

[pounding at the door]

[pounding at the door]

Shh. Shh.

Nina: [laughs]

Oh, hey.

Hey.

What's up?

You okay?

I think you butt-dialed me. Heard some strange noises.

Yeah, just trying to relax and watch a movie.

Yeah?

Yeah.

What movie?

[coughs]

What the f...

Hey. Do you want to party with us?

Get out.

Now! Or I call the police.

[both laughing]

You ready?

[laughs]

Zzz.

Hey, this is serious. The fastest way to your demographic is through their kids.

Kids don't give a sh*t about tech companies.

Kids don't give a sh*t about the burger in their Happy Meals either. They just want the toy.

We are not pitching Brooks. We're pitching Brooksy Bee.

Hey, when you have kids, they dictate every decision you make.

The food you eat, the car you buy, the neighborhood you live in, even... even how you feel about a company.

So your son called the sh*ts around here when he was a kid?

[laughs] Uh, yeah.

Yeah, PJ, he... he had a way of getting what he wanted.

He certainly made a name for himself in the tech world.

People used words like "brilliant" and "visionary."

Probably "stubborn" too.

Hmm. Some might call it idealistic.

Wish I'd had a chance to meet him.

You should. Let's go see him.

You don't mean right now?

Yeah, now's good. Now's great.

Except you're drunk and you shouldn't be driving.

Okay, fine, you can drive.

Crystal, I'm gonna call a cab for you.

f*ck that! I am leaving.

Up to you who drives.

No, we... we... we... we... we were just messing around.

Messing around? Really?

No. No. Not that... not that. Like, just...

It's not even worth talking about.

You were naked with two strangers, Paul.

Trust me, it's worth it.

We were ta...

What? Speak up, Paul, I can't hear you.

We were talking about the barriers that people put up, and it turned into this... this thing about clothes and how they're just... just... another barrier that we use to keep ourselves from ever really seeing each other.

Wow. That's deep.

So that's the kind of philosophical brilliance you come up with when you're smoking meth, Paul?

Meth?

They did that. I did not touch the meth.

They smoked the meth.

Oh, my God.

That is exactly what you said last time.

Well, this time it's true, so you know, you just...

You just have to believe me.

Believe you?

Yeah.

I can't even look at you right now!

You have a sermon to give in a few hours. I...

Oh, sh*t!

What?

sh*t!

What?

God! The... the money's in my jacket!

Are you kidding?

Uh, they checked out.

And they're not answering their cell phones?

Hey. Hey!

"A moon, worn as if it had been a shell, Washed by time's waters as they rose and fell about the stars... and broke in days and years.

I had a thought for no one's but your ears: that you were beautiful and that I strove to love... "

Wow, uh, your pinky nail's really out of control.

Seriously, it looks like you're a coke dealer from a bad '80s movie.

You know what? I'm gonna leave it.

Maybe you'll get a new nurse and she won't know anything, and I can tell her that you got sh*t in a drug deal gone bad.

[laughs]

I'm gonna leave it, okay?

You know what? I think I'm just gonna wait for you here.

No, come on!

You said you wanted to meet my boy.

Crystal, this is crazy.

Hey, come on, why should Pernell have all the fun?

Anne, meet...

Oh, sorry, I didn't...

Did I interrupt something?

Pull!

[skeet shatters]

Whoo!

You know I had to spend the next couple hours drinking with that m*therf*cker last night, smoothing things over.

Whatever I pissed out this morning smelled like gasoline.

I told you I didn't want to come here.

I got other sh*t on my mind.

Look, I'm holding a g*n.

Do not say the name Julio Farkas to me right now.

You know what?

I'm done. There you go, boss.

Look, when we sit down with Goldstein today, you gotta leave that personal sh*t on the sidelines.

He's a f*cking prick, you know that?

You hear the way he talked about Tessa?

Yeah, I get it, I get it, but he didn't know it was a hot button.

sh*t, I didn't know it was that hot.

Okay, but that ball-licking comment was TMI under any circumstance.

I mean, what if he talked about Crystal like that?

It's a teeny, tiny bit different, don't you think?

I mean, Crystal's your wife, you love her.

You're just f*cking Tessie, or you used to.

Maybe I love Tessie too.

Bobo: [laughs] Come on, man.

How do you love her? You're not even f*cking the girl.

That's 'cause I'm born again.

I still see her every week.

I just can't have sex outside of my marriage.

[laughs]

You can't be taking all that Bible sh*t literally.

Those rules were for back in the day when they used to let m*therf*ckers have multiple wives.

Now they only let you have one, but man is still man, so he gets creative.

See what I mean?

Don't be confusing wanting to f*ck Tessie with being in love.

And please, please don't let this sh*t get in the way of business.

We need him to sign off on that grid expansion.

Let's knock this domino down and keep it moving.

Pull.

Why aren't you ready?

There's nothing to be ready for.

[turns vacuum off]

I'm not talking to you as a girl who's in love with you right now.

I'm talking to you as someone who believes in this church and does not want to see you blow this opportunity.

See me blow it? I already blew it.

The money's gone. This is what I do.

Just when it gets good, I mess it all up.

Quit your f*cking whining, Paul.

Four years ago, you were leading an honesty hour for a half a dozen kids in a YMCA basement, and now you have Bishop Bruce Congdon offering to help you get on TV. Do you think that that's luck?

Look at me.

You have a gift from God.

[groans]

And you have to honor it.

You have worked so hard.

Now all you have to do is go onto that pulpit and preach your little heart out, the easy part.

It doesn't matter what I do up there.

My good friends the methheads stole the donation money.

So we write a check.

That we can't cover?

We got this far on faith.

Let's worry about the rest later.

Wrong cell. I don't have canteen.

They're on the house.

Cops love doughnuts, right?

You enjoy your dessert...

Officer Farkas.

[lounge jazz]

Tessie.

Hey.

I heard you tried to win me in a card game.

I tried.

Is that how it is?

You and a bunch of rich white boys get together and pretend we're still living in the times when people got bought and sold?

I wasn't trying to buy or sell you.

Or maybe that's just how it is with you all the time, and I'm the one pretending like sh*t is different.

Wait. Why are you mad at me?

When you pay to see me, that is an agreement between two consenting adults. You don't buy me.

I know that.

You can't win me.

I wasn't trying to win you.

I know you're not property.

It was Goldstein was talking about you like you were.

Do some sh*t like that again, and that'll be the last time you see me.

Don't say that.

I'm sorry.

Tess, Tess, don't be mad at me.

I love you.

Don't say anything.

I know it's different for you, it's just a job.

Is that what you think it is?

There are plenty of men with money, Pernell.

I like being with you, but you are not my husband, you are not my boyfriend. There are limits.

I don't want limits.

That's how it is.

Tess, you and Goldstein, did you...

You don't get to ask that.

I didn't want you to be with him.

You don't get that either.

I'm almost done.

I just came to ask you something.

If it's about last night...

It's not.

It's actually about something that...

Something strange that Pernell said.

You're gonna have to narrow that down.

Do you remember him mentioning anything about a book?

He asked me if I noticed any books missing, and I thought it was just him being bizarre.

Sounds about right.

But the backup drive that had PJ's Bath Water program on it is missing, and I think that someone stole it.

PJ hid the drive in a collection of Yeats poems, and I think that that might be the book that Pernell's talking about.

What does this have to do with me?

I would rather not talk to Pernell.

But I want to know if there's anything else that he knows about this book, and I was hoping that you could ask him.

I am doing everything I can to keep my husband sane, and feeding Pernell's delusions, not part of the formula.

I understand that, but the book was stolen.

Tell the police.

Bobo: So what's next on your wish list?

Uh... okay, this is gonna sound stupid.

[laughs] You're scaring me now.

[both laughing]

I... I started my PhD at Berkeley, Applied Mathematics.

Then... work, kids, you know.

Now you got an honorary degree from Cal, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is that something...

You want to be Dr. Goldstein?

Why not, huh?

That's tricky, but it's doable.

Now, are we done here? 'Cause I'm about ready to get out this lobster pot.

No, not quite. I mean, all that other sh*t's just window dressing. We still haven't talked about the seat on the planning commission, and I know nobody gets on that commission, Pernell, without your blessing.

Is that something you can make happen, Pernell?

Could. Is that all you want?

[chuckles] It's a pretty big ask.

What about salvation?

I don't understand. What sal... what? [Laughs]

I can give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven.

Just kidding.

You kid about something like that? That's... no.

See, this is exactly what happens when you exceed the recommended amount of time in this hot-ass tub.

Is this about what happened last night?

Because you know, if... if I offended you, I apologize.

Don't forget, we were on our fourth bottle of Cuervo.

Lighten up, Goldstein.

This isn't about Tessie.

Oh, okay.

'Cause most everybody's heard about your recent religious experience, so I wasn't sure if you were serious or not.

Hey, if you want to talk about making Jesus Christ your lord and savior, we can do that.

We don't. We want to talk about boring, non-denominational sh*t like grid expansion and mutual back-scratching.

I don't know, I...

I think Pernell might be holding a grudge here.

Why, 'cause your people k*lled Christ?

Easy, I'm kidding.

You need to stop.

Oh, now look who's sensitive.

Don't be mad at me.

I just don't want you going to hell.

Pernell, cut this sh*t out.

Come on, we're just f*cking around here.

Right, Irwin?

My people don't believe in hell.

Well, that's too bad, 'cause that's where you're going.

Unless you let me baptize you.

Hey, joke or not, I don't want to do this anymore. Stop it.

Come on, we could do it right here.

Just say you love Jesus Christ, I dunk you in the water.

Whoa, whoa, sit down, sit down.

Hey, Goldstein, he's sorry.

Thank God I'm not wearing my glasses.

Come on, say you're sorry, Pernell.

I mean, Jesus Christ, Goldstein, I'm just f*cking around. Relax.

Listen to me, you cocksucker.

My grandmother d*ed in Auschwitz for her religion, and now you want to joke about converting me because what, I shattered your whore fantasy?

f*ck you! You little prick.

f*ck you and your grid expansion.

I'm done with this sh*t.

Yes! [Applause]

Do it again. Three, two...

All: One in the Savior!

See, that's right, because Jesus taught us that when we are one in the Savior, when we say, "Yes!"

Man: Yes!

Yes!

Man: Yeah!

Ye-e-eah!

[all cheering]

Bruce: To His love.

Yes, let's give God a hand, a praise, amen.

All: Amen.

Now, listen, I want to bring a man of God to the stage right now. He's gonna preach about the power and the magic of the word "Yes."

He is the leader of your flock. He is your pastor.

Let's put our hands together for Reverend Paul Curtis!

[cheers and applause]

Come on!

Um... [clears throat]

[speaking quietly] Today, my... my... sermon, the message that Bishop Bruce talked about is... is not what I'm gonna talk about.

What'd he say?

Reverend Paul, we can't hear you.

Instead, I want to talk about... uh... shame... and secrets.

You know the instant everything changed for us?

It was the instant that shame... crept into the Garden of Eden.

Just like that... [imitates expl*si*n]

We became self-conscious.

All of a sudden...

Adam and Eve were afraid to show each other who they really were... how flawed... how human they were.

So they hid themselves.

We've been hiding from each other ever since.

You see, the first sin led to the first secret, and the secret is worse than the sin, we know that.

And yet, the worst parts of us, we keep them... secret.

It's hard to show people the real you... especially with someone you love.

So an anonymous skirt at a bar... is the first to find out you have a drinking problem.

A cab driver whose face you never see is the first to find out you're cheating on your husband.

It's too hard to tell people who matter, isn't it?

But God, He wants it to be hard.

If it weren't hard, it wouldn't be holy.

Mmm.

Somebody in here is hooked on meth.

Somebody in here is stealing from their job to pay for their gambling.

Someone in here cheated on their spouse last night.

Don't judge, just listen, the way Jesus would.

'Cause everyone has a secret, something that can only be fixed when it is exposed to the light, the light of the Lord.

So tell it today.

Not to a stranger, but to someone who matters, 'cause if they love you, they will accept you, the way Jesus does, for Jesus is not afraid of who you are.

Jesus is afraid of who you will become if you don't tell... your secret.

Man: That's right.

So raise your hand if you're ready.

Raise your hand if you're ready.

Raise your hand. Now, turn to your neighbor and say "I'm ready."

All: I'm ready.

Because I'm ready!

I'm ready to sit my loved ones down and say, "I lie. I cheat. I steal. I'm a flawed human being.

I know I'm not perfect, but as God is my witness, I'm trying to get better every day, and if you're willing to stick with me on this journey, to truly accept me for who I am, I know someday, I will make you proud!"

All: Yes!

Hallelujah!

Praise God! Praise God!

[cheers and applause]

Jesus!

All: Oh!

Jesus!

All: Oh!

Boy's on fire.

That boy's on a mission.

He is something, ain't he?

You sure you're not gonna cancel it this time, man?

Give me one second, y'all. Sis here.

What's up, sis? How was your trip?

Good, how's my apartment?

There was a fire, but nobody d*ed.

It'll be all right.

Can I get some love?

Love.

Hey, yo, I told this girl at school about what you do.

[scoffs]

She trying to be a decorator too.

"Girl," as in girlfriend?

Huh. Far from it.

She was wondering how you get your clients, you know, since you don't have a website, or whatnot.

Um, mostly word of mouth.

Reputation kind of does the work for you.

So, dudes are just telling their friends, "Yo, she's hot, man. Get with it"?

What did you say?

Come on, Tess. I know how you get your money.

I have for a long time.

Ma told you?

I heard her telling Aunt Lotte, like, all your boyfriends were named John.

When I got older, I figured out what that meant.

She don't know sh*t about me.

Hey.

I don't judge you.

I mean, I can't say I like it...

It's a job.

We all gotta get paid.

I get more respect than their wives.

[starts car engine]

Hey, yo.

Any of these dudes ever get out of pocket?

'Cause you know I'll f*ck somebody up, they touch my sister.

[laughs]

Shut up, gangster.

How'd it go?

I missed you.

Oh.

Aw, I missed you too.

Is everything okay?

Love's not something that runs out.

You believe that?

Me too.

[basketball bouncing]

♪ Think it's about time for the fire ♪
♪ I think it's about time for the flame ♪
♪ I can feel the world getting angry ♪
♪ And the sky getting right up above ♪
♪ [vocalizing] ♪

Hey!

[vocalizing]

Man over PA: All inmates, lay face down, hands behind your head.

♪ ♪

Man over PA: All inmates, lay face down, hands behind your head.

You gotta get out of here. Get in that locker.

Move!

♪ Something I hate about love ♪

Let's shut it down!

Everybody down!

All right, all right, getting down.

[shouting]

Push it.

Aw, f*ck, man, that was crazy.

I thought you were trying to k*ll me.

[spits]

Had to make them think I was with them.

Now what?

It's gonna take them a while to realize we're missing.

When they come looking for us, let's only ask for PC.

Woods are gonna want us both dead.

I'm sorry I didn't trust you before.

It's just been crazy for me, man.

I don't know which way's up.

[sobs]

Hey, hey, hey.

I said I could help you.

I just need you to tell me what you were doing with Shane.

Ohh.

Man...

This all right?

Mm-hmm.

Why don't you tell me who you and Shane are working for?

May I touch you like this?

Ahh. It's comforting.

Mm. Okay.

Just talk to me.

I'm here for you.

When I think about losing her, I feel like I'm caving in on myself.

That's love.

If she's not your wife, it's lust.

"Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord."

That's how I feel.

The Song of Solomon is about man's love affair with God.

Now, we shouldn't do anything to get in the way of that.

Breaking a Commandment would get in the way.

If a man wants to be with a woman who's not his wife, he's already committed adultery whether he does anything or not.

You see why I need your help?

I can't counsel you to commit adultery, or say it's okay if you do.

I've helped you, haven't I?

You've helped me. I mean, I can't begin...

Warms my heart to hear that.

And I want you to keep helping me.

And I want to keep helping you.

I'm asking you to rethink this one.

Guard: Don't move, don't move. Stay on the ground.

How can you not know who hired you?

Uh, Shane made the contact.

All I know is that they met at an apartment, the top floor of the Eastwood Residence.

Are you gonna help me?

Guard: What's your number, inmate?

Hey, did you know Shane was gonna r*pe that girl?

No. No, man.

It was supposed to be about getting that book.

Shane told me what he did. [Groans]

He said he had no choice.

Said they had dirt on him. He had a family.

So did she.

I didn't know he was gonna do that, man, you gotta believe me. [Sniffs]

This sh*t is wrong, man.

[buzzer]

Shane was my friend. [Sobs]

Okay.

I didn't k*ll him.

[sobs] I didn't.

I know, I know.

[sobs]

What? How do you know?

Because I did.

Guard: Hey, get down.

Hey! Get down, on your knees!

Show me your hands.

Thank you.

[gentle piano music]

[door shuts]

♪ ♪

They're beautiful.

You're beautiful.

You know what happened at the retreat was only because I love you, right?

I said my piece. You good with it?

I am.

Paul?

Pernell, you know my rules.

Oh, this is not a three-way. The Reverend Paul is my pastor.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Tessie.

And you're here because?

Paul knows how much I've been struggling with my love for you next to what it says in the Bible about adultery, so we've been praying on it, and we've been talking about it, and we realized, there's a way for you and I to be together without sinning.

It's so simple.

Theresa Marie Graham... will you marry me?

♪ When you've got nothing ♪
♪ You've got nothing to lose ♪
♪ When you've got nothing ♪
♪ You've got nothing to lose ♪
♪ When you've got nothing ♪
♪ You've got nothing to lose ♪
♪ So let your heart be free ♪
♪ Oh, Lord ♪
♪ Let your heart be free ♪