01x07 - A Bird in Hand

[bunniefuu]

[Josh and Jocelyn moaning]

Oh, my God, Josh.

Oh, my God, Josh.

Don't stop.

[Jocelyn moaning loudly]

[g*nsh*t]

[panicked breathing]

[Fantastic Negrito's An Honest Man]

[blues vocalization]

♪ Now I'm in love again ♪
♪ No, this time it's not ♪
♪ With my hand ♪
♪ Wandering, murdering ♪
♪ Every time that I get ♪
♪ The chance ♪
♪ I'm a human ♪
♪ But remember first ♪
♪ I'm a man ♪
♪ These streets ♪
♪ Got me wandering ♪
♪ Looking for my fix again ♪
♪ I should've prayed ♪
♪ The night before ♪
♪ Now I'm losing ♪
♪ Everything I have ♪
♪ Yesterday it felt so good ♪
♪ But now today ♪
♪ It feels so bad ♪

Here you go. Uh-huh.

Thanks, man.

Aw.

Oh, who's this?

[laughter]

Josh: Getting kisses, huh? Oh!

His name is Pork.

Oh, yeah.

Here you go.

Oh, thank you.

Oh...

What kind is it?

Alicia: Good morning.

Good morning, sister.

Welcome, welcome.

Thanks.

Good morning, sister, welcome!

Thank you.

[piano playing]

♪ Oh, boy ♪
♪ What have you done ♪
♪ Done to my heart ♪
♪ You're hearing what you want ♪

You got it.

Brother Pernell.

Brother Paul.

As always, we are eternally grateful for your support.

I just want you to know how much I appreciate what Hand of God has done for me and my family.

I am but a vessel, but thank you.

Have I introduced you to Eli?

He's the genius behind our social media.

Hello, Eli.

Hi.

♪ Make you see ♪
♪ Do what you want to do ♪
♪ Say what you're gonna say ♪
♪ How can you turn away ♪
♪ When all I do is love you ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Do what you want to do ♪
♪ Say what you're gonna say ♪
♪ How can you turn away ♪
♪ When all I do is love you ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Do what you want to do ♪
♪ Say what you're gonna say ♪

[camera shutter clicks]

♪ How can you turn away ♪
♪ When all I do is ♪

[whispering] sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

Morning.

How are you?

I'm blessed. And you?

More than I deserve.

Holly: One, two, three, four.

Stand up if you're ready to sing for Jesus!

Hallelujah.

[rhythmic clapping]

Everybody sing with me!

♪ Oh, boy ♪

All: ♪ What have you done ♪
♪ Done to my heart ♪
♪ You're hearing what you want ♪
♪ So you can't see what's right in your face ♪
♪ Just like a child ♪
♪ You'll get your way ♪
♪ What can I tell you ♪

Holly: Keep singing!

All: ♪ What can I say to make you see ♪
♪ Do what you want to do ♪
♪ Do what you want to do ♪
♪ Say what you're gonna say ♪
♪ How can you turn away ♪
♪ When all I do is ♪

So?

Soon.

Just getting a feel for him.

Figuring the right time, right place.

Good.

I don't want Jocelyn anywhere near it.

I don't like watching him be nice to her.

Smiling at her...

How do you think I feel?

He and PJ were like brothers.

There were summers he basically lived at our house.

And he made PJ sit there and watch while Shane r*pes his wife.

Cops say the first place you go looking is in the family.

I think she likes him.

And that makes me mad.

I want to fix that.

Don't rush it, Keith.

We can't afford to have problems like we did with Shane.

No, I learned from that. Don't worry.

I do worry.

You called me twice while you were watching him.

Twice.

Do you know how many people I sent to the chair because of a f*cking cell phone?

More than a few.

I, uh, I won't call you.

You don't call anyone.

In fact, turn the whole f*cking thing off.

We don't talk until this thing is done.

You got that? We do not speak.

I got it.

Keith...

I'm proud of you.

I want you with me after PJ wakes up.

But I need this clean and smart.

Understand?

I can do that.

You know, my mom had a rule: I wasn't allowed to hate people.

I mean, I was allowed to hate things like... like broccoli or... or Nickelback, things like that.

But I wasn't allowed to waste my energy hating people.

Is that Buddhist or something?

Maybe. Or Oprah.

I was doing a pretty good job following that rule, really.

But Pernell Harris is making it really, really hard for me right now.

I mean, I'm trying to have my head in a place where I can pick the right poem for tonight, and it just...

So you are going to the reading?

Would you be okay if I don't?

I don't know, Josh, I'm kind of in the middle of a tirade.

You want to know why?

You just told me... Pernell.

No, no, that's who, that's not why.

Now he's trying to get the investigation into PJ's su1c1de reopened.

What the f*ck?

I know. Read it.

Can he do that? Did you talk to Nick?

Mm-hmm. It's a stalling tactic.

That Pernell is desperate to keep PJ on life support, because he knows he's about to lose the court case.

So Nick can't do something?

Mm-mm.

The Honorable Judge Harris found a technicality.

There were no witnesses or su1c1de note, so they have to at least go through the motions.

Wait, wait...

That could take at least two weeks.

No su1c1de note?

I never told them about the note.

Do you still have it?

So tell them now!

No.

No, that's between me and PJ.

Okay... this might sound a little harsh, but that's ridiculous.

I know you don't want to, and I know it's going to be hard for you, but just show the cops the note.

Let's get this over with.

I said no.

As far as I'm concerned, that note does not exist, okay?

That's it.

But you still have it, so that can't be it.

[inhaling and exhaling deeply]

You there yet?

Yeah, I'm there.

Good.

You need to look at this.

Thank you.

Aren't you gonna say anything?

What do you want me to say?

sh*t, I don't know, but say something.

It's not like I thought he was 100% faithful.

I knew he dallied time to time.

sh*t, I have my fun.

But we were always respectful.

This is... this is... this is unbelievable.

Man, let that sh*t out.

I just did.

You said, "Unbelievable."

That's uptight WASP letting it out.

You need to let that sh*t out like and Italian woman.

Like a trailer trash girl. Let that sh*t out.

He's a f*cking assh*le.

There you go.

He's a m*therf*cking bigamist.

He's f*cking bigamist assh*le piece of sh*t!

Yes, yes.

That's what he is!

I'm gonna k*ll him, I'm gonna k*ll him, April.

I'm gonna s*ab him in his sleep with a f*cking Kn*fe to the neck!

Whoa, too far, too Italian.

It's either that or move out, because otherwise, if I am around him, if I see that m*therf*cker, I'm gonna k*ll him.

Well, give yourself some space, then.

Get a nice room with a well stocked bar and a well hung man.

You know what I need?

I need to know why.

You think Pernell could ever really answer that question?

[inhales]

"When justice is done, it brings joy to the righteous but terror to evildoers."

That's God talking, son.

And Josh is gonna feel that terror.

I promise.

We did it.

You're going to wake up... and we're gonna start all over again.

And I'm gonna make up for everything.

I'm only sorry it took so long.

I love you.

[bird cooing]

[thud]

Josh: I don't think those windows open.

You're not supposed to be in here, you know that, right?

Yeah, I heard after what happened last week they're only letting immediate family in.

Jocelyn got 'em to make an exception for me.

Well, that makes sense.

I mean, after all, you are his best friend.

Hmm.

Must have been hard staying friends with him, though, right?

I mean, after what he did to you?

What he did to me?

You know, refusing to sell the Bath Water program?

That's what split up the business, wasn't it?

I got over it.

Really?

How much would you have made if PJ decided to sell the business?

It's hard to say when you're talking about dot-com money.

Millions? I mean, at least a million, right?

Yeah, at least a million.

Wow.

That is a lot of money to lose and still stay friends.

I don't know.

How much money would you pay to have more time with PJ?

Let me ask you something else.

I'm gonna go way back now, but... didn't you and PJ both have a thing for Jocelyn?

You did, right?

Yeah, PJ told me you did.

I had a crush. It was never a thing.

Yeah, but if PJ was gone and Jocelyn got to decide what happens with the Bath Water program, having "a thing" now would be real convenient for you, wouldn't it?

That's not what I'm trying to do.

You got her staying at your apartment, don't you?

As a friend.

[laughs] Right.

So which apartment do you have her in, the one on Cedar?

Or the one at Eastwood?

Yeah. I know about Eastwood.

I know everything.

And what you should know is... you're not getting away with it.

I hope you don't mean you're going to tell Jocelyn.

Oh, that should be the least of your worries.

What the f*ck? Do you hate her?

You keep heaping sh*t on her.

You don't think she's been through enough?

Because of you.

What was I supposed to do?

He begged me to rent that place.

I couldn't say no.

Who begged you?

Wait, I thought you said you knew everything.

PJ.

Why would PJ beg you to rent an apartment for him?

He was having an affair!

You're lying.

He didn't want Jocelyn to find out.

You know what, neither did I, so I rented an apartment for him under my name.

You're f*cking lying.

Why would I lie, Mr. Harris?

I could show you cancelled checks from PJ for six months worth of rent.

I never even saw the inside of that place.

Sir, that phone's for employees only.

This is an emergency.

This is KD.

Leave a message, and have a blessed day.

[panting]

Brother Pernell?

Have you seen Keith?

KD? No. Not since the service.

Call him. Call him right now.

Everything okay?

Look, I'm sorry, I really need to speak to Keith.

But wouldn't you know it, my cell phone is out of juice.

Would you like to use mine?

Can I?

This is KD.

f*ck.

Leave a message, and have a blessed day.

[beep]

Keith, it's me.

Look, don't do anything till you talk to me.

Call Alicia back the minute you get this.

sh*t!

I need for you to call me as soon as Keith calls.

You got that?

Yeah.

The f*ck-up of the week goes to Kugler.

Now, I know you're new to this game, but when a reporter calls to speak with me and I'm taking a sh*t, you say, "The mayor's in a meeting."

You do not say, "The mayor can't talk right now because he's taking a sh*t."

I didn't say you were taking a sh*t.

I said you were in the restroom, and I said you'd be right out.

I don't think that implies taking a sh*t.

I don't think they need to envision me taking a sh*t or a piss.

"In a meeting" works just fine.

Yes, sir. I'm sorry, Mayor Boston, I...

Please, for job security, stop talking.

Next, Asa, I want to find out...

Mayor Boston.

Ladies and gentlemen, out, out.

Quickly, thank you.

Who's Theresa Marie Graham?

Theresa Marie Graham, I don't know who Theresa Marie...

Tessie.

Who's Tessie, Bobo?

She's no one.

I'm serious.

Robert...

Crystal, I say this as your friend, she's no one that you need to worry...

He married her. Pernell married her.

That is not no one.

How'd you get this?

[exhales] Oh, my God, you knew.

You f*cking knew, and you said nothing.

I didn't want to put something like that in your face.

I was trying to fix it.

You know, help Pernell glue it all back together before Mommy got home.

I'm not your mommy.

And he didn't break a vase.

I know it's more serious than that, but, I mean, look at the paper.

It's like a photocopy, with a Hand of God stamp, seriously?

He might not have filed this with the county clerk, but this is a marriage certificate, that is his g*dd*mn signature, and I have a sister wife now, you get it?

And somebody thinks this is blackmail material.

What did Pernell say?

I haven't gotten to him yet.

[clears throat]

So who is this...

Theresa, Tessie, whatever?

She and Pernell have a... a business arrangement.

[scoffs] So she's a whore.

She's a businesswoman.

Whose business is d*ck-sucking.

[laughs] Unbelievable.

If this gets out...

Hey, it's not gonna get leaked.

All right, don't worry about that.

You take care of you.

We'll figure out who's trying to take a bite and make sure they don't.

The Bobo business.

Can you get Pernell on the phone, please?

It's ringing.

[phone line rings]

[exhales]

Pick up. Pick up, pick up, you f*ck.

[ring tapping on glass]

[phone ringing]

[radio in background]

[phone line rings]

Josh: Hello?

Josh!

Ha, just kidding.

I'm not in right now.

Give me a reason to call you back.

sh*t.

Please, Jesus, let him be alive.

Bishop, I can't tell you how grateful we are that you would come back and consider us for a slot.

Sister Alicia and I are just so, so honored.

[laughs] Well, when I buy a car, I like to kick the tires.

[both laugh]

Now, if I'm gonna consider you to take over the 10:00 p.m. slot for my "One in the Savior" Flock-Block, I got to make sure that you're ready.

Now...

I see that you've got the smile.

But will you have the guile when the lights come on?

I don't cr*ck under pressure, Bishop.

I perform.

Hmm.

Well, go ahead and preach, son.

I will bless the Lord at all times, and His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

If you're gonna use your hands, use it like you're trying to bring somebody to Jesus, not like you're begging for money.

I will bless the Lord at all times, and His praise shall continually be in my mouth!

Yes.

Now that's the Bishop Bruce's way.

See, when you're preaching in the pulpit and when you're preaching on television, it's two different things.

You see, in person, you can do, "Hey!

Hey, hallelujah!

Thank you, Jesus! Ha!"

See, that's gonna put money in the collection plate.

But on television, it's gonna make you look like a two-bit huckster from 1985.

You see, when people are watching television, they control the volume.

We control the package and the message.

See, people will scrutinize you from your collar to the stitches on your shirt.

Now, I'm gonna need you to see Bishop Bruce's tailor immediately.

We need to spruce you up.

See, there are times you're going to be uncomfortable, off-balance!

But you must always maintain the illusion of control!

Absolutely. I understand.

What happened before there was a universe?

Where was God?

The Almighty exists outside space and time.

He's not bound by our earthly conceptions.

God is eternal, he always was, and always will be.

How come we don't see miracles today?

2,000 years ago, we used to see miracles every day!

Burning bushes, parting seas.

Where are the miracles today?

They're all around you.

I can't hear you!

They're all around you!

A newborn baby is a miracle. Vaccines are miracles.

Open-heart surgery.

Let me ask you this.

What's more miraculous, a burning bush or a man walking on the moon?

Praise be.

Praise be.

Please, Lord, let me be on time.

Come on, Josh.

sh*t.

[gasps]

What do you want?

Thank God.

Thank you, Jesus. [Breathing heavily]

You okay?

I'm fine. You're fine, I'm fine.

Okay, well, Jocelyn's not here, and I'm not in the mood, so you have to find somebody else to f*ck with, Mr. Harris.

No, that's not why I'm here.

Look, I want to apologize.

And not just "I'm sorry" apology, I really want to explain.

[breathing heavily]

Can I... can I come in?

Please?

And this is Bruce the third, my youngest daughter's son.

He's just a little slice of heaven.

I put him in pageants. Honey, he wins everything.

I can see why. First Lady Congdon...

Ahh, please, Ida.

The First Lady lives in the White House.

Mm, of course. I'm sorry. Ida...

And stop apologizing.

You are a strong, young disciple of God.

But you're also human.

If the Lord wanted us perfect, he'd have made us perfect.

I know.

I just want to say... I am so excited for this wonderful opportunity.

I... I just want to learn everything I can from you.

Okay, here's my first little tidbit for you to chew on.

Listen to the phrases you're using in your church flyer.

"Jesus Jam." "Cornerstone Coffee Chat."

Honey, we call this "Christianese."

You don't want folks thinking they got to learn a new language to be born again.

I didn't realize.

Of course you didn't. And why would you? You're just starting out on your journey. So here's my second little tidbit. Start wearing blouses that fit.

I know, I've, um, been stress eating. I guess I've been so dedicated on others that, um... I haven't been taking care of myself.

[jazz music]

Tessie?

I'm Crystal.

Pleasure to meet you.

What can I get you?

Frapin Cuvée, please.

Sure.

Two.

Okay.

Frapin Cuvée?

Special occasion?

[laughs]

I'm not really that much of a brandy woman, but...

I do love the snifters they use here.

It's Riedel Glass.

Beautiful, no?

Gorgeous.

I used to have some just like these.

A wedding present.

Are you married?

Not me.

Never found the right person?

Never looked.

[chuckles]

So how does this work?

We meet, decide if we like each other, then... go upstairs?

That's usually how it goes.

Are we going upstairs?

[laughs] I like you.

But I don't do women.

Really?

Is that a new rule?

Because somehow I feel that... you've already f*cked me.

Hmm.

PJ: Will you marry me?

What do you think?

Josh on video: Dude, I want to marry you.

You asked me how much I would pay to have some more time with PJ.

On video: Bath Water software...

Forget the money.

I would lay down and die right now to have one more hour with him.

[crying]

To PJ, best friend I ever had.

PJ, my son.

Josh on video: Yeah, well, for every excuse, there are two reasons why it's bullshit.

I'm not doing this with you again, okay?

He was a good man, right?

This isn't our decision.

PJ on video: It's mine.

Josh on video: Hold up, hold up, Captain Queeg.

So why did he do it?

Why did he cheat on Jocelyn?

Josh on video: This is our company.

He didn't like talking about it, but I think this other woman fed a different part of him.

You know, he would talk code to Jocelyn and me, and we... we'd just go into zombie mode.

But I think this other woman, she lit up.

For a while, he couldn't get enough of that.

And you never met her?

He tried to keep it to himself.

And Jocelyn never knew?

No, I... I don't think she should, especially not now.

He loved her.

That's all she needs to know.

Boy, that's the truth.

PJ on video: If we disagree, who has final say?

Yeah, no, if you want to be a d*ck about it, which you clearly do, then you have the final say.

PJ: Yeah, exactly.

Forget it, okay? We'll... we'll do this later.

[glass clinks]

sh*t.

That's gotta be it.

That's gotta be the f*cking book.

Where is that book?

It's right there.

Jocelyn was flipping out about it too.

She brought it back from her house.

PJ had his... his programs in here, his flash drive.

It's not the same book that's in the video.

It's a different copy.

Where the f*ck is that copy?

We don't know. PJ may have switched it out.

Jocelyn thinks it could have been stolen.

How many people knew this program was in that book?

Jocelyn and me, that's probably it.

What about the girl he was having the affair with?

I doubt it.

All right, listen to me.

I know this is gonna sound crazy, but there are things in this world, things we just can't explain, like God.

You believe in God?

I guess. I think there's a higher power.

There is. It's God and His son Jesus.

And I have been anointed by Him.

He has been sending me messages through PJ.

[laughs] Okay.

It's not funny!

PJ's been talking to me.

As sure as I am standing here in front of you, God has been speaking to me, and He wants me to avenge Jocelyn's r*pe.

I think you're tired.

And I know I am, so why don't we just call it a night, huh?

No, no.

Hang on, hang on.

I...

I feel like I need to be with somebody right now.

I'm nervous to be alone.

Okay, let me call Mrs. Harris.

No, no, I don't want to add to any... whatever she's going through right now.

I just... I get in these moods.

I start to... think things, not good things.

Talking to you is doing me more good than you could possibly imagine.

Please, I know you're not responsible, but please... can... can we just watch some more videos?

Please?

Okay.

All right, first the good news.

Ida and I would like to officially welcome you both to Bishop Bruce's "One in the Savior" Flock-Block.

Oh, my goodness.

[laughs] Thank you.

Bishop Bruce, you will not regret this decision.

It makes my spirit soar to think of all the good I can spread, thanks to your generous backing.

Save it for the TV, son.

Now... the bad news.

From this instant, you both are now on probation.

Have we done something wrong?

Well, not yet.

But the last fella I took under my wing, he... he brought nothing but shame and degradation to the House of Congdon.

Um, what did he do?

It's the craziest story. He was running a 5K for charity.

Good intentions, right?

Well, turns out this fella enjoyed wearing ladies' panties under his running shorts.

Mm-hmm, well, someone got a video of that, and... well, you know how video goes viral.

Ka-boom! An expl*si*n of shame.

Let me put your mind at ease.

I do not run marathons, and I do not wear panties.

[laughs]

You can dig through our closets all you want, you will not find a single skeleton.

Just beautifully tailored suits.

Well, that's good, because when you associate with Bishop Bruce, you must be pure as a newborn baby's thoughts.

Neither Paul or I would do anything to bring shame to your ministry.

I know, sweetheart.

So the only question is, what are you and Paul going to do about your pregnancy?

I'm a mother and a grandmother.

I know the signs when I see them.

Yes, and we can't have an unwed couple with a baby on the Flock Block.

Of course not. We know.

And we have already begun to discuss our options.

PJ on video: It's my dad's favorite party trick.

[sighs]

PJ on video: Mainly 'cause everyone thinks he's crazy before they figure out...

[continues indistinctly]

[laughter and cheers on video]

PJ on video: Come on!

[video continues in background]

You are prettier than I expected, based on your rate.

You know, you could probably charge more if you wanted to.

Or are you giving Pernell the friends and family discount?

We can cut to the chase.

I'm happy to tell you what you came for.

What is it you think I want?

You're not the first wife who's ever come looking for me.

They all want the same thing: a reason why.

[laughs] Oh, that's very sweet.

You think I want to know if you do things in bed that I won't?

Or did he get jungle fever, wanted a taste of the forbidden fruit?

Or maybe you just want to tell me how you're so good at listening?

Men cheat, women want a reason. I understand that.

It gives them hope. Something to fix.

Oh, honey...

It's Tessie.

It's my dime.

I'll call you Hattie f*cking McDaniel if I want to.

And any reason you want to give me is bullshit.

Men are selfish, and they're weak.

Period.

Well, if that's not why you're here, then what is it?

I need you to know who I am, so you can make an informed decision.

About?

Whether you will ever see Pernell again.

Mm.

You see, he and I had an unwritten agreement that he could step out every now and then as long as he never brought it home and never put the family at risk.

This is a violation.

I don't tolerate violations.

Mrs. Harris...

Please, call me Crystal.

We're f*cking the same man, might as well get chummy.

Mrs. Harris, I have rules too.

And if a client follows them, he gets to see me. Period.

You want to put an end to me and Pernell?

Talk to Pernell.

I'm starting with you, because my husband is sick.

His brain is not working properly, which, by the way, completely explains you.

[laughs] See? Right there.

You just gave yourself a why.

You know, for a second, I thought you really were different.

[laughs]

You have no idea how different I am.

I have had to work for everything I have, and I have a lot.

So I'm telling you right now, woman to woman, if he calls you and you don't turn him away, you will never forgive yourself.

You are not the first wife who's ever threatened me either.

But I will give you extra points for believability.

Believe this: if you continue to blackmail my husband, I will have your ass thrown in jail.

Excuse me?

Although it does seem a little odd for a hooker, blackmailing your clients.

It's gotta k*ll your word of mouth.

Mrs. Harris, I honestly do not know what you are talking about.

[siren wails in the distance]

Hey, what's up, man? You seen a 43 come this way?

Nah.

How long you been waiting?

Not long.

Like how long?

You work for him?

Yeah, I know him.

Well, where is he? I want to talk to him.

That's not never gonna happen.

You can look.

Hey, your sister know you doing this?

Sister ain't got nothing to do with this.

I figured that, 'cause I bet she wouldn't let you do something so stupid.

You don't know me.

I know you got potential.

I know you pulling a 3.6 at Bethel.

You must be thinking about college.

But this... is a dummy move.

I suggest you leave the backpack where it is and play the long game.

You go to college, huh?

Yeah.

What you major in?

Running errands for crazy, rich white men?

Look, I didn't have to come here.

I just thought maybe I could get you to listen.

Yeah, one young black brother to another, right?

All money ain't good money.

Man, don't hate!

Tuition is running through the roof these days.

[soft music]

I like Jocelyn.

I always have.

Course, she hates me right now.

f*ck it. It's not about her. It's about PJ.

Well, if it was about PJ, you'd let him go.

You wouldn't put Jocelyn through this.

I think it's about you.

Me?

She wants to pull the plug.

You know, there's a chance she could be wrong, and you can't come back from that sh*t.

There's a chance PJ can wake up.

It's like she's trying to play God.

Jocelyn?

[scoffs]

Well, isn't that f*cking rich.

Isn't what rich?

What if Jocelyn's wrong? What if you're wrong?

If I'm wrong?

Hmm.

sh*t. I'm not wrong.

Okay.

You sure about that, Judge Maximum?

What about all the guys you send to prison every day?

What?

Yeah, the folks who don't get a fair trial.

People with shitty public defenders.

People who are borderline incompetent and you just toss 'em to the wolves.

Now you're a lawyer all of a sudden?

Think you can do my job all of a sudden?

No, but I'd be willing to bet there's at least one innocent person in prison 'cause of you, Mr. Life Without.

You know how many scumbags take a f*cking hike because of a f*cking bullshit technicality?

When I got a chance to throw some f*cking guilty m*therf*cker in prison, I f*cking take it!

You're pulling the same bleeding heart sh*t PJ used to pull out.

But I'll tell you what, he changed his tune after Jocelyn got r*ped.

Then he wanted justice.

I don't think PJ would be okay with punishing someone who might be innocent, even if it was a 1% chance.

Yeah, well, maybe you didn't know PJ as good as you think you did.

Oh, I knew him better than you did.

Shut your f*cking mouth.

You know, you're pissing me off now.

Yeah. I think it's time for you to leave.

No.

I'm not asking.

Fine, I'll... I'll go.

Be gone when I get back.

I can't let you leave.

What the f*ck is wrong with you?

I'm sorry.

And I'm gonna need for you to tie yourself up.

Frida. Hi.

Hey, good to see you.

Hi. Thank you.

I'm glad you changed your mind.

Oh, no, my plans for a quiet evening at home kind of fell through, so...

Then it's fate. I'll take it.

Hey.

It's a good turnout, right?

PJ was loved.

So what are you reading?

You know, it would be everything if you read.

Yeah, I, uh, haven't decided.

Don't worry about it.

We are just glad you're here.

Thank you.

Hey, Jocelyn.

Hi.

KD on phone: This is KD. Leave a message and have a blessed day.

Thirsty? Want a drink?

Go f*ck yourself.

You know, you don't realize it now, but I'm actually helping you.

I realize you're f*cking nuts.

Let me go now, I won't call the police.

[elevator dings]

[siren wailing]

[tires screech]

Hey, let me see your arms!

[overlapping shouting]

Where you going?

Get over here.

Yo, chill, chill, I'm cool, yo. What the f*ck?

What is this? No.

On the fence.

What's this? Turn around.

Put your arms down.

[grunts]

Don't resist.

We found it, sir.

You're under arrest.

Possession of cocaine with intent to distribute.

Cocaine? I don't know what you're talking about!

I don't have no cocaine!

Shut up!

Holy sh*t, Officer, that is not mine!

Shut up!

Right. On the fence.

Don't move!

I'm not a f*cking drug dealer!

Yeah, right.

I swear to God, man, I'm not lying, man!

Shut up!

Please! It's not mine!

What's up, 2Pac?

I need you to listen to me.

This has been a test of the Emergency Bobo System.

This was only a test.

Had this been a real emergency, this wake-up call would have been followed by you getting your ass permanently f*cked up!

What? What?

Don't move.

Man...

Khalil, Khalil, Khalil, you made a mistake.

You stepped into the ring without knowing who you were up against.

Now you see how quickly things can change.

One minute, you're holding on to more money than you ever seen in your life.

The next minute, you're looking at 20 years in prison.

Yo, this sh*t is not mine, yo, I swear!

Yeah, that might be true.

But it doesn't matter, see what I mean?

There is a possibility, however, that I will be merciful and drop all the charges against you if you agree to my terms.

Yeah! Absolutely, what are... what are the terms?

Please, please shut up, dummy. I'm getting to the terms.

First, you bring me the marriage certificate, the original.

Second, you never, and I mean never the f*ck ever, talk to or about or even look at Judge Pernell Harris again.

Do you agree to these terms?

Yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah!

Good, then this concludes our test of the Emergency Bobo System.

You may now resume back to your regularly scheduled program.

Now let's get the f*ck out of here!

Move out.

Yeah.

[engine starts]

[applause]

Thank you, everyone, for coming out tonight to honor PJ.

It's... The outpouring of... of love and support, it's, uh... it's overwhelming.

Okay.

[clears throat]

[sighs] Okay.

[chuckles]

Um...

I was gonna read PJ's favorite poem... but, um... instead, I'm... I'm gonna read an original.

Um...

A PJ original.

[applause]

"Dear Jocelyn, What a man can be, he must be, she said.

Though not out loud.

What a man must not be, he cannot be, he said, with a pop.

Can I make you love me again?

In a letter, for losing?

If the letter is the last thing left of me, will it sit on your shelf, with my ashes, gathering dust to dust?

Look, look, you were right.

That g*n, it is going to protect you.

It's going to protect me too.

From my memory.

You remember?

Not the screams in the dark, not everything breaking, but when we spoke all night until the light came in with the Dominican music from the neighbors.

Kissing in the cab, in the club.

Telling me your dreams about tidal waves over the phone during finals.

Cramped sex in a cramped dorm room with a burning hot pipe.

I do."

Did he talk about what kind of a dad I was?

I'm okay with the truth.

He worshipped you.

He talked about you all the time.

"My dad this, my dad that.

If it wasn't for my dad"...

Even though I was so hard on him?

I think the older he got, the more he appreciated your tough love.

Really?

Why is that surprising? You're a great father.

How many fathers would do what you're doing?

He used to say you were the greatest dad ever.

Kind of corny.

I do love him, even though I didn't always show it like I should've.

That's disgusting. Is that real?

Yeah, that's real.

[wings flap, bird squawks]

[rock music]

[elevator dings]

Josh?

Josh! Wait!

Hey, Josh?

Hey.

He didn't confess, and he didn't accept Jesus either.

What?

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

[crying]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[sobbing] I'm so sorry.

I'm so s... I'm so sorry.

Why are you sorry?

[sobbing]

Judge Harris, why are you sorry?

[sobbing]

♪ Oh, boy ♪
♪ What have you done ♪
♪ Done to my heart ♪
♪ You're hearing what you want ♪