01x10 - WTFWBJD

[bunniefuu]

I think he's a danger to the community, and I want you to keep an eye on him, follow him around.

Keep me posted on what's happenin'.

Sounds dangerous.

Aah!

Aah!

[Grunts]

[Burps]

So, this your garden?

We just trying to do a little something for the community.

What the hell is this?

It's an eviction notice, compliments of myself and the Compton city council.

I don't like the n*gga, either, but I ain't gonna snitch.

Look, I don't need you to help me get him off the streets.

I already have enough to get him on a 5150.

Psychiatric evaluation?

Someone needs to stop that concert.

[Energy hums]

Got a nice one for y'all.

The lot y'all standin' on has been purchased by Maxwell property management... company I work for. 'Cause by next week this time, this gangsta's paradise is gonna be a gangsta's parking lot.

Yo, man, we got 5-0 out here with an arrest warrant for your boy on a 5150.

You got to go.

He needs to vanish now.

You got to go!

My pops be on some bullshit, man.

Every time, man, got your boy lookin' like the bearer of bad news around this mother. [Breathes deeply]

"Believe, believe, believe"... I mean, that's all I be on, man.

I believe, but it's hard to make another young brother believe when you ain't comin' through with sh*t, man.

And you know how folks around here all foolish and inpatient.

KPGB breaking news.

Police say the man is mentally disturbed and potentially dangerous.

Authorities say the man may also have been involved in a bizarre manure robbery that resulted in three horses escaping into the city of Compton, with one of those horses still at large.

That ain't right!

I ain't crazy! I just be tryin' to tell people what's good. I mean, like, my pops got a big crib, you know? Eat good, live phat, man, you know?

Folks waitin' for blessing's and sh*t, and you don't ever come down with nothin', man.

What's up, man? Got me lookin' cra...

[police radio chatter]

Oh! Black Jesus!

I'm sorry. Do... do we know each other?

Lord, Jesus!

No, no, you got the wrong dude.

No, you the son of God, ain't you?

No, no, not me.

It's Jesus! Jesus! Hey, hey, let me get a pic for my Instagram!

So, I was prayin' last night, right?

I mean, like, really prayin'... prayin' hard.

Just trying to figure out what the [Bleep] would Jesus do.

Then it came to me like a vision.

This is the holy land, and we got to do whatever we got to do to protect it.

I don't know, Fish.

Well, I do know, because I have faith.

Think about it. Boonie, Jesus on the run, our garden is about to be bulldozed. It's all just a big test of faith.

Hey. All done.

Still no word from Jesus. 'Sup, Maggs?

What happened to you?

I was just preparing some garden defenses.

Okay, what's "garden defenses"?

I set a pit trap over there on the east side.

What's a pit trap?

You know, you dig a hole, cover it with branches, with leaves, intruder doesn't see it, they fall in... done.

It's pretty effective, too.

Are you serious man?

Booby traps?

Guerilla tactics!

That's not guerilla tactics.

That's some ewok tactics. You think that's what Jesus wants... he wants us to take on the whole Compton police force, like a bunch of damn ewoks?

Ain't nobody no damn ewoks!

We soldiers for Christ!

All Jesus ever did was try to get you to stop fighting.

No, what... what he wanted was for me to learn the difference between fighting for nothin' and fightin' for somethin', and now I know that difference.

You're wrong.

Oh, I'm wrong?!

Yes.

Well, where the hell is your damn faith, Maggs?

You can have all the faith in the world and still be completely [Bleep] wrong.

You a non-believer.

So you can take your non-believin' ass up out of here if you ain't on God's side. Tray, you still believe?

Heck yeah, Fish. We're still cool, Maggs.

Shut up!

Even Trayvon still believe.

Look, guys, I'm gonna finish setting the pit on the north side.

You guys figure this out.

I love you, and everybody loves you.

And for the record, the ewoks won!

Because they had faith!

You're an idiot, Fish.

The ewoks was some little fornicatin' mother [bleep] There was so many of them...

Shut up, Boonie. Man, Magg's trippin'.

I mean, what is Jesus always sayin'?

Belief, belief, belief.

I can't believe we never got this ketchup, man, to the market.

You have no idea how good I feel right now.

What if Martin Luther King Jr. didn't have faith? Or Nelson mandela?

What if he ain't have faith?

We ain't tryin' to be like them, man! Them n*gg*s had rough-ass lives.

Dogs, jail, white folks on they ass all the time.

Jesus got better plans for me than that, man!

Your ass startin' to sound like Maggs.

Have you n*gg*s forgotten about the miracles that God has provided thus far already? What about them damn magic tomatoes, huh? Or them evil-ass Mexicans that turned into nice, polite, friendly Mexicans?

Look, man, I ain't got no girlfriend or nowhere to live.

And followin' Jesus around done ruined my whole damn life, but I ain't trippin'.

I don't care. Because of these tomatoes.

Well, I suggest you wake up and see what's goin' on, then.

There will be no more tomatoes if we don't stand up and fight for the holy garden of Compton.

Look, okay, Fish, I get it.

It was our fault. Because Jesus warned me not to get Dianne high off these tomatoes, man, but I ain't listened to him. But it's all good, though.

'Cause God still love me.

So y'all just gonna give up?

You think that's what Jesus wants?

Hey, man, it don't matter what Jesus want. My mom said it's over.

She's done with this, man. In fact, I got to be home in 30 minutes or she gonna b*at my ass.

Ooh.

What's up, convict? Mad 'cause I chased your friend away?

Mad 'cause I shut down your little garden?

Well, guess what.

It's just me and you now. No witnesses.

So what you want to do?

I forgive you, Vic.

Oh, you forgive me?

Well, I hope you learned something from all this, like, uh, never trust false prophets or n*gg*s that's wearin' brown dresses.

Yeah, that's right.

I'll be the first one there to watch them bulldoze that sh*t down.

Vic!

Lloyd.

I been calling you all day!

You get my messages?

Been kind of busy, you know.

Vic, we did it. We did it.

We finally run off Jesus. Ah, come on. Let's celebrate.

We make a great team.

We made a good team.

What do you mean?

The con man's gone.

The garden's shut down. Job's over. That's it.

You firin' me, Vic?

No, I'm not f*ring you.

The job is over.

We can go and do other things. We could go ruin other people's lives.

Come on, Vic. We had a good thing goin'.

You can go back to...

Being a bum. Goodbye, Lloyd.

Vic... Vic, listen to me, Vic.

Listen to me.

Get your hands off the gate, Lloyd.

Wait. Hold on, Vic.

I'm-a wash up, Vic, every day. At least once a week.

Vic. Come on back, Vic.

We supposed to be friends. Vic!

Just like the time the devil tried to tempt me, boy.

What I do? I held you down.

Cuz was like, "I got b*tches."

You know what I said? "I don't need your b*tches, 'cause my pops got entertainment!"

You know? He was like, "I'm-a make you the most famous mother [Bleep] in the land!"

I'm like, "fool, I don't need your fame!

I'm down with God!" You know, it don't get no greater than that, man. We the world's most dangerous group.

Caps was poppin' like N.W.A in '89, man.

Everybody's [Bleep] crazy.

[Tires screeching]

Hey, man!

Don't you know pedestrians got the right of way, mother [Bleep]

I'm standing my ground!

[g*nshots]

I'm standing my ground!

[g*nsh*t]

[Muffled rap music plays]

Victor Hargrove?

Yeah. What up?

What's this sh*t, man? Hey, come here, man!

Hey, hey, hey! Come back here.

I'm being sued? Hey, come here, man!

Hey! I'm being sued?

Well, hello, there, Victor.

Lloyd, you suin' me?

Breach of contract, wrongful termination, fraud. In the words of the greatest dance movie ever made, you got served, suckah.

I'll holla, you holla. I'm-a holla at you.

Holla!

And, child, if this is a test of faith, let me tell you right now, Ms. Tudi's gonna fail.

And I know my Jesus don't want me to go to jail, and even if he did, Ms. Tudi ain't goin' to jail.

Yeah, well, Fish is going to jail.

'Cause I know if he stays down there, something bad is gonna happen, and Jason and Trayvon are staying down there, too.

Maggie, what do you want me to do?

I already got one idiot son. That's enough.

I can't worry about these boys.

Ms. Tudi, we have to do something.

We can't just leave them down there.

There is nothing to do. It's over.

It can't just be over, because then what was all of this about?

Child, I don't know.

I ask myself that all the time.

I ask it when my husband left. I ask it when my sister passed.

I think Jesus just wants us to be better people.

He wants Fish to stay out of trouble, he wants Boonie to take care of them kids... And he wants me to stop bein' such a greedy bitch. I'm tryin'.

Lord knows I'm tryin'.

All right, well, what does our lord and savior want for me, then?

Girl, that's easy. Just wants you to love yourself more.

It's the only thing standing in your way.

Oh, Ms. Tudi...

You know you're my favorite.

Come here, girl.

[Both laugh]

Hey, I saw you on TV.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did. I saw you on the news.

No.

Yes.

No!

Yes!

Hey, you're the guy who stole the horse poop!

No, you got the wrong idea, man.

Wasn't even like that, man. We was just tryin' to do something good for the community garden... you know, grow some vegetables, man... natural, organic stuff, you know?

Folks don't even know what kind of chemicals these big companies are putting in the food that we eatin' every day, man.

How do you make a garden?

[Sighs]

You don't make a garden, bro. God makes a garden.

All we do is put the stuff together and let him do the rest.

How long does it take?

You got to have patience, man.

God moves at his own pace. But first you got to make sure you got some land.

And then what?

You got to see if the soil's good?

And then what?

Bro, you gonna be an excellent probation officer one day, man. Damn.

After that, you plant the seed.

And let God do the rest?

[Choir vocalizing]

[Laughing]

Ha ha! Hallelujah! That's it!

Look, you just helped me solve a major conundrum.

Thanks, little dude. I got to get back to the garden.

Aren't you forgetting something?

You know, where are my manners?

Good lookin' out, pimp. That's good lookin'.

No!

What you want, a tip, man?

I ain't got no money, dawg.

That's jacked up, man. I be hookin' you up with stuff for free all the time, man. What's up with that?

No, that!

[Laughing]

You wearing my suit?

Our suit. Our cologne.

So, you really gonna do this?

Mm-hmm.

Tryin' to sue me for half of everything I have? After everything I've done for you, Lloyd?

What you did for me.

What about what I did for you? When Ms. Tudi dropped your black ass and your life fell apart, who picked you back up and put you back together? You may not need me now, but you needed me then. And you made some big promises.

Promises?

May I submit exhibit "a"?

Lloyd, I swear to God, you help me get rid of this dress-wearin', ashy-ankled, perm-having mother [Bleep] you can move in tonight.

Sleep on the couch every night. I promise you.

Mr. Vic, can I consider this a legally binding contract?

We are partners.

Okay, it's a contract.

You're a wonderful man, Mr. Vic.

That is bullshit!

It's obvious I was drunk! Ain't no way... ain't no way that's legally binding.

sh**t, tell it to my ex-wife.

All right, everybody, let's bring it in for a quick prayer.

Let's go y'all.

Let us pray. Dear God, we pray for the safe return of your son, Jesus Christ.

And we pray that you give us the strength and courage to face our enemies and defend the holy garden of Compton.

Lord, they can break our bones or rip the flesh from our bodies, but we shall not falter! They can lock us up and throw away the key or use g*ns against us or even take the very life that we own, heavenly father, but we shall not give up this sacred land!

Lord, it's in the name of Jesus. We thank you, amen.

Hey! Trigger! Spyder, where y'all goin', man?

Uh, we're gonna sit this one out, eh?

Yeah, sorry, man. We'll keep prayin' for you, eh?

So, just to be clear, we're settling on a guaranteed one-year employment and shared use of the defendant's apartment unit.

He's gonna have to wash his ass.

My client will use best efforts to keep those areas clean and fresh. The settlement also includes shared use of the defendant's automobile, all of which was promised to plaintiff for services rendered.

Look, just... let's just hurry up and get it over with, man.

I can't afford to pay this joker another hour, man. Next Johnnie Cochran, my ass.

Okay.

Bullshit...

I don't know. It's just like God hate me or something, man.

[Laughing]

Jason, Trayvon.

Hey, man, get up. Y'all ass supposed to be out there settin' booby traps, not sittin' up here getting' high off these damn green tomatoes. Hey, Trayvon, get up, man!

Hey, let him sleep, man.

He been on that trap sh*t all night.

Hey, we got work to do, man.

What the hell you over here doing, Boonie?

Come on, man. We been friends since we was little.

If you goin' to jail, I don't want no beef between us.

Ain't nobody goin' to jail if you n*gg*s just tighten up and have a little faith.

Look, Fish, I love you, my dude, but that ewok sh*t ain't gonna work. [Laughs]

Ewok? Fool, we fightin' for God's will right now.

We at w*r, and the enemy got his hand around our neck. But I'm ready to die for this sh*t!

Could you say the same?!

[Laughs]

Come on, Tupac.

[Laughs] Lighten up, man.

Have a tomato, chill out, be good, man.

[Laughs] He said "Tupac."

Yo, what's funny? You out of here.

Hey!

You too.

Man, come on.

You n*gg*s is excommunicated from the holy garden of Compton.

That's right... keep walkin'. Y'all gonna see, all I need is God.

Aah! What the [Bleep]

Tray, come help us!

Boonie!

Get your hand off my ass, man!

I can't move!

Tray!

[Birds chirping]

Fish! Tray!

Guys, hello?!

Hey, yo, Maggs!

Maggs.

Please help.

[Laughing] Oh, my God.

Oh, you guys got caught in one of your own net traps.

Man, this sh*t ain't funny.

Just get us out of here.

Okay. But I want to tell you guys something, and I want you to listen.

No, I ain't high no more.

This sh*t is nasty.

Come on, Maggs, please.

Okay, okay, look, I love this garden, but I love you guys more. You're all I got.

You and Jesus, you're the only family that I have.

I got no career, I don't have a boyfriend, I-I don't even really have any homegirls. So I don't want us to fight, okay?

And I don't want us to go to jail, or... or get k*lled or anything, but I feel like what Jesus wants is for us to stick together and to look out for each other, so if you guys are gonna stay, then I'll stay.

You serious, Maggs?

Mm-hmm.

Just get us the [Bleep] out of here!

For real!

Save our garden!

Save our garden! Save our garden!

Save our garden! Save our garden!

Save our garden! Save our garden!

Save our garden! Save our garden!

Save our garden! Save our garden!

Save our garden! Save our garden!

Save our garden! Save our garden!

People, you must evacuate the lot immediately.

Those that refuse, you will be arrested.

In the name of Jesus Christ [Bleep] y'all.

You do not want this. Go home.

Work with me. Come on now. Go home.

Let's do this, dawg.

Look, just go home.

You must evacuate the lot immediately!

People work with me here.

Uh, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

Boonie.

Mom.

Boonie, I just want to say to you that I am proud of you for takin' a stand.

Hey, that's what's up, mom.

But, n*gga, I told your ass to stay home, didn't I?!

You hardheaded!

You a fat, hardheaded n*gga just like your daddy!

You need to listen to me, you understand me?

People, disperse! Go home!

Okay, you leave me no choice. Detail!

Advance!

What the [Bleep] y'all gonna do?

[Indistinct shouting]

Take him down!

[Both laugh]

[Horse whinnies]

He's returned!

I knew he'd come!

Whoa, whoa! Calm down, everybody.

Jesus got those fools.

He's back!

My n*gga.

Officers, I understand you lookin' for a horse?

Here she is, safe and sound. She's been wanderin' around most of the time, probably scared as [Bleep] but here she is, man.

My bad.

Take him in.

No!

Hey!

Put your hands behind your back.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, chill out.

We don't want no v*olence. You know, let the police do they job.

Get off of him, man!

Fish, relax, bro, for they know not what the [bleep] They do. We planted the seed already.

Now we just got to let God do the rest.

You feel me? Hey, don't even trip, though.

I felt that faith, man. I could feel it, boy.

That's good lookin'. Appreciate that.

Dianne, don't do this!

Take him in!

Hey, don't even trip, pimps and pimpettes.

I'll be right back. They tried to hide your boy behind a rock. I got out in three days, pimp!

All right, I need everybody to go home or you will get arrested. Go!

Don't stand here. Move!

We tried.

[Engine turns over]

[Laughing]

Yo, we got another scroll from Jesus.

Watch out.

Dear crew...

What's crackin', y'all?

Just wanted you to know your boy is in here still havin' a splendiferous time. Of course I'm in here spreadin' the word, and I'm tellin' you, man, I think I'm really getting' through to cats in here, man. They thirsty for the good news.

They can't get enough of your boy sharin' God's love and grace.

You feel me?

It don't matter what you look like.

It don't matter what you got on, 'cause, you know, come as you are.

I want you like you is when you [bleep] With me. Come as you are.

You know what I'm talk... player, you gonna have to wear some pants, man, 'cause you freakin' me out with that.

Anyway, looks like the city decided to drop the charges for the sh*t heist. They said it was because of lack of evidence.

That means I'm out of here in a couple of weeks.

I think Dianne has some sympathy for your boy.

She's a good woman, Jason.

I know you mad at her, but don't let her get away.

And that sh*t about Vic and Lloyd movin' in with each other?

I'm talkin' about odd couple, for real, right?

[Laughs]

Yo, Lloyd, man, you takin' this too God damn far, all right?

You don't put your clothes in my hamper, all right?

These is bum clothes. Get that sh*t out of here.

This is my hamper, man. You don't use my hamper, God damn it.

"All right, y'all.

In the meantime, hold it down. Be good to each other, and don't forget your lord and savior in here, 'cause your boy's about to be back on the bricks real soon. And give Ms. Tudi my love.

P.S. Enclosed is a list of things I need for Trayvon to pick up from the store. Grab some strawberry sweets, some Pringles, and some canned tuna.

Okay, I'm assuming there's no money involved.

Does anybody want anything else while I'm out there?

Yeah, Now n' Laters.

Chapstick.

Flamin' hot Cheetos.

Get that bootleg d*ck pills.