01x10 - Because We're Legion

[bunniefuu]

I blame myself. It's all my fault.

You know, I'm your father; I have been doing this for 2 1/2 decades; I should've known better.

But here's the good news. We almost sold our souls.

But at the last second, we snatched them back.

No, it's all my fault.

I made the decision. I knew I was selling out.

But it was just... Oh, it was so seductive.

Mm.

The money and the attention.

Guys, no, no, no.

This was definitely not your fault.

It was all me.

I had my head in the clouds.

I... I got to take all the blame on this one.

Yeah, you're right.

I am?

You're way older than me, and you've already been through this whole fame game with your, oh, so precious Gaga.

You should've been looking out for me.

I was looking out for you.

No, you were looking out for my tits and ass in that barely there, see-through bathing suit.

Wait a minute. What about him?

He was drunk and high.

Yes, I was.

And yet he still managed to bring me to my senses.

I can't believe you're gonna blame this whole thing on me.

Oh, well, believe it. You were my boyfriend.

You should've had my best interests at heart.

"Were"?

Mm, we need a new plan.

Yes, we do. You know what we need?

Go back to the songs. Great g*dd*mn songs.

Songs that are gonna last for 25 years.

We lost our vibe. Now we're gonna get it back.

My dad is right.

Sorry, Flash.

[stammers]

Did she just break up with me?

Ah...

[hard rock music]

♪ Sex and dr*gs and rock and roll ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ 'Cause I don't want to die ♪
♪ Anonymous ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ No, no ♪

You know, when you get to that part, so...

Then down to the C minor.

Yes, exactly right.

Ava: [groans]

Well, that blew.

I just returned all the outfits and clothes and stuff that we bought on the record company's dime.

Are we absolutely certain that we are not selling our souls?

Because those Brian Atwood Gladiator Adelaides...

I was pretty close to sucking off Satan.

Gigi just broke up with me.

Oh, you want to win her back?

You better suck up, cowboy.

Show some boyfriend bravado.

You pussed out when she needed you most.

Yes, you did.

You thought about what you wanted and not what she needed.

[rock music playing as ringtone]

♪ ♪

Hey, that's weird.

Why is... why is Greg Dulli singing in my apartment?

Greg Dulli is singing in my apartment.

That's my ringtone for him.

Hello?

Hi. [Laughing]

Yeah, no. I got the flowers.

They're great.

I can talk now.

[laughing] No.

Ava: She is taking control of her destiny.

I hooked her up with Dulli, who is hooking her up with his favorite alt rock studio guru.

That's bullshit.

That's not happening on my watch, honey...

Sit down and shut the f*ck up, Johnny Rock.

What she has to say makes a hell of a lot of sense.

Hey, how do you go and talk to Greg Dulli, my sworn mortal enemy, behind my back without talking to me about it...

I don't need to talk to you about Greg Dulli.

You have been talking at me about Greg Dulli for the past three months.

I took the reins, and I made a move.

Did you not just say five minutes ago, "We need to get back to doing what we do best, writing critically acclaimed songs, not songs that are great now"...

I did say that. Yes, I did say that.

"But that'll stay great in 25 years."

Exactly. That's what I said.

You did?

Okay, well, this guy is gonna come in.

He is great. He heard our music.

He thinks it's wonderful.

He's gonna fly in from LA a day from tomorrow.

Awesome idea.

Stop thinking about yourself for once.

Think of Gigi for a change.

What does this guy do?

What is he? Like, a producer or...

He's a vibe advisor.

That's his title?

Yes, it is.

Okay, that's not, like, some typical LA douchebaggery right there.

I want you to pick up on the vibe that I am giving off right now, Dad.

Do you feel it?

Yeah, I'm feeling it.

Good. Call Bam Bam and Rehab.

Get them back in the band.

Aye-aye, Captain!

One rhythm section coming up!

What a dumb-ass.

[feedback screeches]

[plastic suits creaking]

Can they take the helmets off?

They'll take the helmets off once a deal is in place.

You got to be sh1tting me, right?

Anger and rage have no place at the negotiation table.

That's great coming from you. You know, what are you even doing sitting on their side of the table, okay?

Because when we kicked them out of the band, you were on this side of the table.

It's called forgiveness, John.

All of a sudden, you're Don f*cking Henley over there?

You know what? You're just a money-grubbing, greedy little whore, which is the way you've always been and... guys, hey...

Flash: Hey, hey, guys, please, sit down.

Let's just try to work this out in a calm and mature fashion.

Okay.

See?

Now, that's a far more amenable tone.

That's why we're here, to make amends.

We're also here to apologize for making such a grievous mistake.

Grievous?

We want you back in the band.

Vietnam was a grievous mistake, okay?

We want to listen to anything you have to say.

Kurt Cobain marrying Courtney Love, that was a grievous mistake, all right?

I don't think...

John...

John, do you want the band back together or not?

We want you back in the band.

We need you back in the band.

We miss you, okay?

And we miss your contribution.

See? Now, was that so hard?

It wasn't. You're right.

See? Lesson learned.

Oh, sh*t. Thank God.

Bam Bam: I was suffocating in here.

I think I need a bigger helmet, Rehab.

Or a smaller f*cking head, right?

[chuckles]

No, no, guys, I was just joking.

Guys, I'm sorry, okay?

Great.

I just want to say that your head does look...

I mean, it looks swollen inside the thing.

No, no, that's just a medical observation.

That's all. I'm sorry.

No more of those, all right?

We're good?

Not so fast.

We got a list.

Of what?

[grunts]

Demands.

What?

Oh, okay.

They want their own app.

An app?

What kind of app?

That's not "app." That's "apt."

That's two Ps right there.

That's a T.

Ira: Your handwriting sucks.

It's 'cause this is such a small piece of paper.

Well, you know what? Get the notebook.

The notebook doesn't fit inside my racing suit.

Rehab: I told you that earlier.

Wait, you guys want an apartment?

And a... suppository.

What?

It says security deposit.

"Security deposit" is two words.

We're gonna move into our own apartment, okay?

And you guys are gonna pay the first and the last month's rent, and that's the end of it.

Now, I want an app.

I mean, we should get a beast-core app, right?

Well, then we'd be getting rid of the apartment, which is my whole plan.

No, no, no, we keep the apartment, add in the app, right?

We're not getting you an app or an apt.

Let's cut to the chase here.

There is no negotiation because you guys are coming back into the band because you don't really have any other choice.

Uh-huh, hey, for your information Johnny Rock, not only do we have a choice; we got multiple choices.

Oh, really?

Yes.

Oh, let me hear them.

We got offers left, right, and center, my friend, to DJ, and...

That's true.

We want the rights to What's My Name.

For what?

Because we have a EDM version that's attracting some attention from a perfume company.

No. No way. It's not happening.

What do you mean? John, wait, relax.

Who's negotiating that deal?

Moi.

What?

You know, on second thought, Gigi's not gonna mind losing that song.

It just brings up bad memories of Sex b*mb.

You guys can have that tune.

Yep.

So helmets off?

Helmets off.

Helmets off, all right.

Dude.

God, that hurts.

Bro.

I'm glad to be back.

Guys, ah, it's not coming off.

My helmet's not coming off. It's stuck.

Oh, yeah, dude...

You okay?

Tap his head on the table.

Why?

No, it's like a pickle jar.

A couple taps, it loosens it right up.

I don't know.

Yeah.

I'm not a... I'm a human being!

On three. On three. One...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, are we gonna do it on three, or are you gonna count to three and then do it?

Yeah, we're gonna say "three" and then tap.

One, two, three.

And then tap.

Well, then, it's actually four.

All right.

That's four.

One, two, three.

Oh, my...

Johnny: Hey.

Guess who just got Bam and Rehab back into the band.

Ira?

No, not Ira, honey. Me. I did it.

I got them back in.

Oh, what'd you promise them?

I promised them some bullshit publishing rights.

They have a stupid EDM version of What's My Name that nobody on earth is ever actually gonna hear.

Nicely done, Dad.

Yes.

Your wish is my command, baby.

So anything else you want, just let me know.

Lose the snakeskin pants.

They're not snakeskin; they're iguana.

Oh, well, then keep them. That's totally different.

[elevator bell dings]

Johnny and I wrote a new song, all right?

I arranged the whole thing by myself.

I laid down a demo where I played all the parts.

So just play along with the track.

Play what I played, all right?

And when this new guy shows up tomorrow, let's look cool, okay?

No old T-shirts, sneakers, half-assed sh*t.

Wear rock-and-roll threads like a big city gig time, all right?

You got one chance to make a first impression.

Whatever.

Who d*ed and left you Yoko?

I'm not being Yoko.

If I'm being anybody, I'm being Paul 'cause I got lots of marketing ideas, and I play every instrument in the band.

I'm showing some leadership qualities, love.

So you're Paul McCartney?

Which makes me John Lennon.

Lots of talent, no marketing ideas.

Ava: No, no, no, that makes me Yoko, and that ain't happening.

Well, I'm not gonna be Linda.

I can actually sing.

I'm definitely not being Ringo.

There's nothing wrong with being Ringo.

Says George.

You get to be tall, dark, and handsome.

I'm a mindless, happy midget on a riser doing a monkey-ass backbeat.

f*ck The Beatles. Let's be The Who.

No, we're not being The Who.

The best drummer and bass player in rock and roll history, Hab.

Both of them die of a drug overdose.

You choke on your own puke.

Ringo it is. I'll be Ringo.

man over radio: Why not just be The Assassins?

What's up, amigos? J.P.

Hey.

Johnny boy.

I was just checking out your board in there.

I didn't want to interrupt your cute little argument.

Ava, how are you?

Fine.

Flash, you sexy beast.

Bam, Rehab, Gigi, what's up?

No... nothing. Nothing, so...

No? I dig your voice.

I got to tell you.

Thank you.

You're a day early.

Oh, I like the element of surprise.

Check out the animal in its natural, unprepared state.

Yeah, a lot of bad vibes going back and forth here, huh?

Spooky.

J.P.: Bad vibes are good.

[cymbal crashes]

Oh, yeah.

I like this room.

Dude, you are one of the most interesting people I've ever met in my life.

Dude, you are a great f*cking drummer.

Thank you, dude.

I dig this band.

Y'all got some crazy negative vibes going on here.

I mean, you two, you've been together forever, huh?

Yep.

And you two, you just broke up.

Yeah.

You two, holy f*ck.

What a sh*t-hot good mess you guys are.

I'm gonna dig this.

I want that demo.

I'll move my gear into here, plug it into your board.

We are definitely recording in this room.

The animal in situ, you feel me?

Huh?

You feel me?

Yes.

Archaeology?

Yes.

Anthropology?

Totally.

Don't cage it in.

Right.

That's right. Come on. Let's do something.

I want to hear something.

Fire it up.

Oh, you know the animal in situ?

I don't.

What's a situ?

Rehab: Situ, situ...

[instruments tuning]

Hey, I don't know what Dulli and Grohl told you about me, and I don't know what you think is gonna go on here with my band in this room, but let me tell you something...

[knocking at door]

J.P.?

What's up, sweet thing?

Which song do you want to do first?

Wow. That's an amazing jacket.

Yeah, it's good, huh?

Oh, yeah.

My girlfriend gave it to me just before we broke up.

Oh, no. A parting gift.

J.P.: You could say that.

We were so wrong for each other, which is probably why I was into it in the first place.

Varvatos?

You got a little bit of the devil in you, don't you?

Gigi: Um...

Why did I come in here?

The song.

Yeah.

The first song.

Yeah, what do you want to do?

Why don't we feel it out?

Okay, yeah.

[stammers] Yeah.

[J.P. chuckles]

What?

I'm sorry. What were you saying?

I was wondering if you would like an espresso.

[rock music playing]

♪ ♪

Gigi: ♪ Baby, what's my name? ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Baby, what's my name? ♪
♪ ♪
♪ You're gonna find out now ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ You're gonna scream it out ♪
♪ ♪

Oh, I wonder what I did with my phone.

Look up J.P.'s ass.

That's where your head's been the last two days.

Gigi thinks you closed the Bam, Rehab deal?

You backstabbing little bitch.

Okay, negative vibes, negative vibes.

You know, J.P. loves those.

Hey, what's the deal with Gigi?

She's all over that guy.

She's got a crush on him.

She just had a big crush on me.

She's 21 years old.

What do you expect?

You want some stability or a guaranteed timeline, date somebody my age.

Did you tell her about us? God damn it, Ava.

No. God.

And you swore that you would never say anything about that again.

[sighs]

I know you're talking to her all the time.

That happened 25 years ago.

And it happened in a moment of revenge and madness for the both of us.

Johnny finds out about that, it's not gonna be some small-time thing, okay?

It'll break up the band for good.

Like my marriage?

Oh, God damn it, Flash.

When are you gonna realize that your marriage is to Johnny f*cking Rock?

What is the longest relationship you've ever had, huh?

2 1/2 decades of all this f*cking sh*t between you two.

Why don't you get your head out of your ass and stop thinking about some 21-year-old chick and start focusing on the real love of your life?

Gigi: She's right.

Hey.

Hey.

Why isn't anyone talking?

We're talking. Yeah.

Do you want some tea or espresso or something...

Just rude... somebody comes into a room and just...

The espresso's really good. Oh, there's grapes.

You know, you want some grapes?

I got to go.

Please, don't.

See you.

Flash, you need to stop telling J.P. what to do.

I thought you wanted me to be more of a leader, but you're in there, giggling away with Vinnie Vibrations, and I don't know... what's going on?

You know, Flash, if you want your love life to make sense, you really should date someone your own age, like Ava.

Why did you say that like that?

Why'd you say why'd I say that like that like that?

Wait.

What's going on?

Nothing.

I said, "Why'd you say that like that" like that because there's nothing going on.

Oh, f*ck... why don't you date somebody like Ava?

Why'd you say it like that?

Flash over radio: Why did you say... [groans]

Hey.

Hey, man.

Do me a favor and knock when you come in, all right?

Okay.

That new song you and Flash wrote, that's the one I want to record.

Complicated?

Yeah.

Why that one?

Because it's a total bummer.

Which is good, right?

In the worst possible way.

Let me see your eyes.

Take off those glasses.

Yeah, baby. Give me the Pepsi.

Get me some more mustard on that, would you?

Thanks.

Remember, knock.

Yep, okay.

[playing electric guitar solo]

Gigi so knows about you and Ava.

Johnny thinks your weight's making you a weak link.

You are so beautiful.

Gigi knows about you and Flash.

Johnny thinks you're a better bass player than Entwistle ever was.

Your dad wrote this song about your feelings toward him.

Flash wrote it with you in mind.

And also I'm pretty sure Flash slept with Ava.

[playing electric guitar melody]

♪ ♪

[solemn piano music]

♪ ♪
♪ It's complicated in a million ways ♪
♪ Complicated by a thousand days ♪
♪ Complicated like a hurricane ♪

both: ♪ Blowing through ♪
♪ Me and you ♪
♪ ♪

[dramatic rock music]

♪ ♪
♪ Separated by a final kiss ♪
♪ Left me so broken down like this ♪
♪ Was a time when you could not resist ♪

both: ♪ Anything, anything ♪
♪ ♪

Gigi: ♪ Well, I could simplify ♪
♪ My expectations ♪
♪ ♪
♪ But I'm so mystified ♪
♪ By the situation ♪
♪ ♪
♪ If I love you truly ♪
♪ Madly, deeply, tell me, baby ♪
♪ Isn't that enough? ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Oh, oh, I wore my heart ♪
♪ Right on my sleeve ♪
♪ And in the end, you only tore it off ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ It's complicated ♪
♪ Like a photograph ♪
♪ And it knocks me down ♪
♪ And wants to drag me back ♪
♪ When things were simple ♪
♪ Do you remember that? ♪
♪ Me and you... ♪

both: ♪ Tried and true ♪
♪ ♪

both: ♪ Complicated ♪

Gigi: ♪ Yeah, it's so... ♪

both: ♪ Complicated ♪

Gigi: ♪ Boy, it's so... ♪

both: ♪ Complicated ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh... ♪
♪ ♪

Wow.

Yeah.

Rehab: Nice!

I like that.

So great.

Right?

Yeah.

Hey, guys.

Yeah?

I just heard from J.P.

And?

He said that Sub Pop loved Complicated, and they're thinking of giving us a small advance so we can record two more songs.

What did I tell you?

Awesome.

What did I say?

Yeah, but now, they're backing off that plan because, last night, J.P.'s boss was watching an NBA game, and he heard my voice singing on a commercial.

Perfume commercial?

Watch.

Gigi: ♪ Baby, what's my name? ♪

[cheerful pop music playing]

♪ Baby, what's my name? ♪

female narrator: Your name will be confident.

Your day will be on the go, any day, every day, with new Refresh, Spring Scent, Glo 'n' Go feminine perfume.

No odor, no itch.

Any day, anywhere, anytime.

Refresh, Spring Scent, Glo 'n' Go.

You're gonna want to know that name.

♪ ♪

Gigi: ♪ You're gonna scream it out ♪

J.P. said, "The rock vibe may be a river, "but it doesn't run through crappy national commercials about smelly vag*na sprays."

And itching. Don't forget the itching.

You closed the deal on that song with Bam and Rehab, didn't you, Johnny?

Yes, I did.

Dad, I need to see you in the hallway now. Please.

You know I love you, right, hon?

No, this isn't about love.

This is about women all over North America thinking of my voice whenever they get a yeast infection.

Hallway.

Okay.

[door slams]

I want to watch it again.

The really happy one had a cute pair of shoes on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was my favorite. She was hot.

Gigi: ♪ Baby, what's my name? ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Baby, what's my name? ♪
♪ ♪
♪ You're gonna find out now ♪
♪ ♪
♪ You're gonna scream it out ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Baby, what's my name? ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Baby, what's my name? ♪