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01x07 - Under Buddy

Posted: 09/22/15 10:36
by bunniefuu
[gentle music]

And that's why they call it a penal colony.


Look what came in the mail.

Our tickets to the Moscow Ballet.

You're going to the ballet?

I guess you really do love my mom.

In many cultures, dance is used to celebrate valor and conquest.

I'm pretty sure the ballet is used to celebrate tights and the slow passage of time.

You sound just like your father.

The Moscow Ballet is magical.

It's powerful, yet fluid, and they're doing "Giselle."

I thought Tom Brady was the only one doing Giselle.

Up top.

No? Really? I thought, maybe...

These are for Thursday night.

I know.

Ma, Thursday night is the opening night of Taste of Portland.

Really? Why didn't you tell me?

I did tell you.

Clearly you didn't write it down.

What happened to the date book I bought you?

Oh, it's here.

Wh... September 14th, today was super.


September 15th, I ate cheese.

That's correct.

September 16th, had stomach ache, I blame cheese.

[bl*ws raspberry]

Jimmy, this is a date book. Not a journal.

Hey, you can cover for him tomorrow night, right?

It's our highest grossing night.

It sets the tone for the whole week.

I'm also supposed to premiere my specialty cocktail, "The Jimmitini."

Okay, it's fine. We don't have to go.

You sure?

It sounds like you were really looking forward to "Giselle."

Yes, I'm sure. It's his job.

I don't expect you to give Jimmy special treatment just because we're dating.

I need you to give Jimmy special treatment just because we're dating.

♪ Hey! ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪

Well, I'm sorry, I can't do that.

I need Jimmy here for opening night.

And I need Jimmy at the ballet for the ballet.


Oh, come on.

Your father never wanted to go with me, and now I finally have someone who wants to go.

What, did Jimmy put you up to this?

No. He doesn't know I'm here.

And please don't tell him.

I don't want to emasculate him by pulling the mom card with his boss.

You are emasculating him by pulling the mom card with his boss.

Yes, but he doesn't know that.

Mom, the opening night of Taste of Portland is Jimmy and my's thing.

I run the floor. He runs the bar.

We run the town.

And besides, you've had a monopoly on him for months.

Oh, come on. You've had a monopoly on him your whole life.

It's like you put little hotels on... on Jimmy Boulevard and Jimmy Place, and you won't even let me drive by for a "hello" visit in my crappy, little thimble.

Oh, fine. I don't have time for your ridiculous metaphors. Just take him and have your way with him. Oh, my God.

Oh, my gosh. Thank you.

Oh, one more thing.

I made a short little list of a few other dates that maybe you could give him off too.

That's great.


Good to be informed.

Okay, I love you.

Love you.

Some days more than others.

[upbeat music]

Buddy, you're giving me Thursday night off?

Your mom is gonna be so happy.

I can't wait to surprise her.

Oh, she'll be surprised.

In fact, you should probably take note of just how surprised she is.

I will. Wait.

How are you gonna cover me?

I mean, Taste of Portland brings in a big crowd.

You think you can handle the first night on your own?

No, no. I hired a relief bartender.

If he does well, I can always bring him back.

Just in case you need another busy night off.

Like an understudy.



Is he going to be waiting in the wings?

He'll probably just be at home.

Oh, that's cool. But not as cool.

Anyway, now you and my mom can go to the ballet.

And to Patty Riley's clam bake on the 29th.


Everybody wins.

Come on, I want you to meet him.

Wow. He looks really cool.

Wait till you see how he tastes.

Yo... uh... not... Well, he's gonna have us sample of his signature drink for Thursday.

Uh, if he's my understudy, shouldn't he be pouring my signature drink?

Well, no, I want him to be able to make the role his own. You know?

You can pour yours over the weekend.

Uh, Timmy, I want you to meet Jimmy.

Jimmy, Timmy.

both: Hi.

[together] Nice to meet you.

Great hair.

Thanks, man.

Right on.

Okay, guys, I want you to try this, and be honest.

I'm experimenting with saffron.



[gentle guitar music]

♪ ♪

This makes me feel joy.

[laughs softly]

Is it possible for a drink to make you feel joy?

What is this called?

The Timmitini. A little flavor combo I picked up in Bangalore. Studied for five months with a blind alchemist.

Said the pretentious new guy.


That is incredible.


Oh, it's the best thing I've ever put in my mouth.

Lucky he's only my understudy.

Better make sure you don't break a leg.

What's next? Mama's thirsty.

So, how was last night with Timmy?

Did my customers miss me?

Yeah, they sure did. Well, except for the guy who thought Timmy was you.

He kept calling Timmy "Jazzy Jimmy," and then wondering why he wouldn't turn around.

Really? Bruce thought Timmy was me.


He always said I was one of a kind.

Well, anyway, the night went great.

We outdid last year's numbers. Which is why I'm thinking I want Timmy to work with you behind the bar this week.

I thought you said he was just my understudy.

No, well, I'm bumping him up to supporting player.

If last night was any indication of how busy we're gonna be for the rest of Taste of Portland, I'm gonna need more than one Jimmy.

Whoa-oa. I'm the only Jimmy.

I mean I'm not the only Jimmy.

There is other Jimmy's in the world.


I'm the only Jimmy in this world. All right?

And I'm a solo act.

I mean, what are we supposed to do?

Serve a Jimmitini and a Timmitini?

I mean, that's just confusing.

You're right.

And Timmy already premiered his drink.

What if you rename your drink?

What do you mean rename my drink?

My name is Jimmy. It's my bourbon martini.

I mean, what else would I call it?

The Jimmanhattan.

Okay, you solved that problem really quickly, but I'm still not convinced about the dynamics behind the bar.

I mean, I like to spread out.

What if I zig when he zags?

What if I flip when he flops?

What if I tic when he tac toes?

Jimmy, there is nothing to worry about.

This guy, he's amazing. I promise.

Hey, hey. I just met the new guy, Jimmy... uh... Timmy. I have a feeling that's gonna happen a lot.

See? That's what I'm afraid of.

How could you hire a new Jimmy named Timmy?

What's next? A new Sam named Pam?

A new chef named Jeff.

Hey, guys. Can I show you something?

I hope you don't mind, but I reorganized a little.

I put all the bottles in alphabetical order by type of booze.

Why would I mind? Alphabetize is my jam.

Hey, but I had a system.

Oh, really?

How was it before?

Uh, well, the yummy booze was down the front, and the weird stuff was up high.

And then I had, well, stuff on either side.

I just thought it would be more efficient this way.

I mean, the longer it takes to make a drink, the less drinks you make, and time is money.

Ah-ha, now that is an "immy" I can get behind.

I say we keep it his way.

Hey, as long as we're all cool with it.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes.

I hate when that happens to me.

[laughs] Those are great.

How are you so cool?

Best of both worlds.

Casual and health code compliant.

Looks like your Christmas present just found itself.

First he rearranges my bar.

He makes saffron taste like butterscotch.

I mean, what is he? A wizard?

Oh, babe, I'm so sorry.

I feel terrible.


It's not your fault.

Maybe if I hadn't asked you to go to the ballet...

No, it was Nate's decision to give me Saturday night off. Oh, no.

What if he did that because he's looking for a window to push me out?

No, Jimmy, Nate would never push you out a window, and I know for a fact that is not what happened.

How can you possibly know that?

Um, because I am Nate's mother, and I know how much he values you.

You're his number one guy.

You know what? You're right.


Timmy's just ensemble.

I'm the lead. And tomorrow?

Oh, baby, I'm gonna shine.

[laughs] Yes you will.

Except not tomorrow night because we have that art show.

Eh, maybe I'll just stop by during set-up and... shimmer?

Oh, hey Timmy... uh, Jimmy.

Oh, what's the difference?

I resent that. We're very different.

Actually, you're right, kid. From what I see here, Timmy is pulling in bigger numbers than Jimmy ever has, but I'm sure Nate will accept those flowers as an apology for your shortcomings.

They're herbs for the bar.


Is Nate here?

Yeah, he's in his office.

Slowly replacing you.

What was that?

Nothing, Timmy... Jimmy.

♪ I'm here with you ♪

[acoustic guitar playing]

♪ You're here with me ♪

all: ♪ One plus one plus one ♪
♪ Is three ♪
♪ And there's ♪

both: ♪ Nowhere ♪
♪ That I'd rather be ♪
♪ Except with Jimmy ♪

[laughs softly]

Hey, guys. What's happening?

Just having a jam sess. Timmy's painting me a mural.

Yeah, spaces with art show an increase in productivity.

And I love productivity.

And I love playing the guitar and pretending that it's work.

It's done. Huh?


Mm. [smooches]

I'm sorry, what... what is it supposed to be?

It's Provence.


And these... are the herbs de...

[in French accent] Incroyable.

Nate, you and I should totally do Provence one year.

Or we could wine taste across the Loire.

Find some new varietals for the bar.

You can not do that.

Nate is allergic... to France.

'Cause of the cheese... with the mold.

And, uh, the springtime with the flowers.

He's right. Pollen's my kryptonite, but, well, I can pack an antihistamine.

Well, you pack whatever you need.

As long as you save some room for your sense of adventure.

Speaking of adventure.

May I?




Oh, yes.

Oh, it's a bird.

Now it's finished.

Here you go.

No, no, no.

It's a co-paint. You sign your name.


That's very sweet.

All right.
[downtempo music]

♪ ♪


Boss man.

All right, all right, all right.

Come on, let's get back to work.

Yes, all work and no play makes Timmy a great employee.

Hey, you know, this was really fun.

Do you all want to hang out tonight after work?

Aw, man, I can't. Atticus has a cold and so I have to help him f*re up his sweat lodge.

Well, I have no plans, so I'm in.

Sweet. What about you, Jimmy?

Ugh, I have a date with your mom tonight.

Oh, right, duh. Well, next time, bud.

See ya.

Yeah, next time for sure, right?

For sure.

[strumming guitar]

♪ ♪

I'm sure Timmy's not after Nate.

What do you think they're doing right now?

You think they're talking about me?


You think Nate even notices I'm not there?

Why are you so worried about this?

We've been dating almost two months, and you've never worried about what Nate was doing while you were with me.

Because Nate wasn't doing it with somebody else.

It's okay for Nate to have new friends.

You know what? Maybe you should go home and be with Nate tonight. Just reconnect.

I think you'll feel better.

I'm sure he's done hanging out with Timmy by now.

You sure? I mean, I don't want to take away time from us.

It's not like you've really been here tonight anyway, so go get him.

All right, all right.


Yeah, we just need to reconnect.

All right, we'll be good.




I'm sure it's just a passing storm.

[door opens]

[thunder rumbling]

Hey, Jimmy.

I thought you were staying at my mom's.

Oh, I was, but I wanted to hear all about your night.

Just give me a sec. I'm gonna get my fluffy robe.

[dramatic music]


What's he doing here?

I had a little too much cider, so Timmy gave me a ride home on his scooter.

We got caught in the rain.

So did I.

You know, it's really coming down out there.

The only thing that got me through was the thought of my fluffy robe.

Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, here you go.

Uh, you know, I should probably go.

No, don't be silly.

This is not suitable scooter weather.

You can crash here.

Like a sleepover?

No, no.

Yeah, like a sleepover. It'll be fun.


Come on.

We'll all hang out and I-I'll grab Timmy a dry shirt and some blankets.

Oh, gosh, I haven't been to a group sleepover since Billy Duberstein's 10th birthday.

Didn't you get homesick and make your mom pick you up?

Yeah, but home court advantage tonight, dog.


Hey, so, I told Nate, but I wanted to tell you, um, I'm having a really great week.

That's great. So great.

Yeah, you know? And I-I'm psyched that the Timmitini sold so well.

Well, the Jimmanhattan sold pretty well too.

Yeah, not as well as the Timmitini, though.

Well, that's because the Jimmanhattan didn't see the Timmitini coming, so it wasn't prepared.

Sounds like our drinks are having a little friendly competition.

Sounds like they are.


Yes, please.

Thank you.

You know, the trouble with friendly competition is that it usually doesn't stay friendly for very long.

Most people don't know this about me...

[laughs softly] But I love competition.

Well, why don't we have a little competition tomorrow night?

We both push our drinks, and see who the better friend is.

You mean better bartender?

You know what I mean.

Not really.

What I'm saying is yes, it's about bartending.

But it's also about friendship.

And by seeing who the better bartender is, we'll also see...

We'll know who the better friend is.

So, to everybody else, outside looking in... bartending. But inside looking out?

We know we're using bartending as a way to see who's better... metaphorically... at friendship.

[both sipping]

All right, boys. I was looking for blankets, and I found this Ouija board.

Should we use it? Or should we use it?

both: Yeah, buddy.

[thunder crashes]

You need to f*re Timmy.

Why would I f*re Timmy?

Because I'm your mother, and I said so.

That's not gonna work. No... and I won't be puppy... put your eyes away.

Look, for once, you asked me for a weird favor, and it turns out in my favor.

So I'm calling "no takebacks."

Jimmy getting this extra time off work means nothing to me if all he's gonna do is worry about Timmy.

You are being very selfish right now.

Yes, but... will you help me anyway?

Okay, I'll go talk to Jimmy.

No, you can't talk to Jimmy.

Then he'll know I said something to you.

So you want me to just f*re an innocent man?

Well, when you put it like that it doesn't sound very nice.


So stop talking and start f*ring.

If I f*re Timmy, who's gonna cover for Jimmy when you need him?


Who's Slimmy?

The skinny guy you're gonna hire when you f*re Timmy.

Hey, don't walk away from me.

This is not resolved.

Of course it's not resolved.

You won't let me talk to Jimmy, and I'm not gonna f*re Timmy.

So until someone has another suggestion, we're at a bit of an impasse.

Hey, babe, what are you doing here?

I just came by to say hi, and see how your sleepover with Timmy went.

Uh, it was very successful.

Uh, Nate found an Ouija board, and we may have contacted Barky Mark.

Either that or there's another otter in our boat garage.

But either way, it seems like we're all good here, so I'm gonna go run my restaurant.

Why are you pretending to be okay with Timmy?

Because I don't want to ruin Nate's happiness directly.

So I've come up with a plan to get rid of Timmy, which may impact Nate's happiness, but indirectly.

I've challenged Jimmy to a duel.

Like a swordfight?

Oh, no.

We're gonna have our pants on.

But we're gonna compete to see who can sell the most drinks.

Winner takes all.

Takes all of what?

Um, not too sure.

Got a little muddy at the end.

But my pride is on the line, so I have to win.

And I know I can. I've just gotta think like Rocky when he was training for that fight against that blonde Russian guy in "Rocky IV."

I even brought his picture for inspiration.

That's not Dolph Lundgren.

Who's Dolph Lundgren?

The blonde Russian guy in "Rocky IV."

[throat clears] I heard you and Timmy were having a little competition going tonight, so I made a t-shirt.

I found a great little printing place right in the Pearl District.

How did you find out about it?

A friend of mine prints out his kid's little league jerseys there.

Not that. The competition.

I know what you meant. I was just showing you what it's like to have a conversation with you.

I found out because Timmy and I, we've gotten very close.

I've taken a liking to him because he makes my son a lot of money, and he doesn't have any sex with my wife.

You know what? I am on Team Jimmy, and I'm gonna be here to cheer you on and support you all night.

You look so cute in that cheerleader outfit.

Which you are not gonna wear tonight because it's in public, and I need to focus.

[funk music]

♪ ♪

You ready for this?

I was born ready.

Wow, I was born a baby.

And then I grew up. And now I'm ready.

So watch yourself, 'cause I'm about to cock your tail, Jimmy.


Wait, what did I say?

[bluesy piano music]


[exhales deeply]

[record scratching to hip hop]

♪ Hey... red light yellow light ♪
♪ Green light go ♪
♪ Get lost in the moment ♪

Aw, you can't teach moves like that.

Let's go!

♪ Keep it going don't stop don't stop ♪

[together] You're pretty good.

Stop doing that. You stop doing that.

♪ Get it going, going turn it up ♪
♪ Gotta get it going, going turn it up ♪
♪ ♪

Ooh, yeah.


This is amazing.

♪ the kitchen good cooking don't stop ♪

My guy's pretty good, Lyd. Bam.

♪ Because he's a rolling stone ♪

You got it, you got it, you got it.

Try this one. Here you go.

♪ Got it jumping like we on some trampolines ♪
♪ Turn it up ♪
♪ Get it going, going ♪

Go Timmy. Go Timmy.

Go Timmy. Go Timmy.

♪ Turn it up turn it up ♪

I'm Team Timmy.

♪ Get it going, going, going ♪
♪ Turn it up ♪

Oh, wow. I guess you won.

You're the better bartender.

And by my own logic, the better friend to Nate.

Of course I'm a better friend to Nate.

You're having sex with his mom.

But since she's into his friends, maybe later I'll give her a sh*t of my other, uh, signature drink. Ugh!

Wh... did you just slap me?

Yeah, I think I did.

What was that? What is going on here?

What's going on is you recast me.

He was supposed to be the understudy, and now he's the underbuddy.

You let him wear my fluffy robe.

It's not that fluffy.

Take that back.

Jimmy, stop. You're being ridiculous.

No, I'm not. He's trying to take everything from me, even your mom.

He told me he was gonna give her a sh*t of his other signature drink.


Please tell me you have another signature drink.

I have another signature drink.


Is it in your pants?

It might be in my pants.

And you're fired.

Get out.

Get out.

Yeah, get out of here.

Nobody talks about my mom like that.


Except my best friend.


Well, but not even him because that was inappropriate and he knows better.

I do.

Jimmy, I'm sorry.

I guess my mom was right, you were really upset about Timmy.

You told him I was upset?


Yes, but that was just to make up for the fact that he hired Timmy because of me.

What do you mean?

Well, I might have played the mom card to get you out of work a few times.

You did? That is so...

So totally uncool, I know.

Your friendship and your job is just as important as our relationship. I'm sorry.

It's okay. It's not all your fault.

I may have overreacted a little bit to the whole Timmy thing.

I just didn't realize how hard it would be to see my best friend fall for someone else.

Well, now you know how it feels.

I do. And I promise, I'm gonna do a better job of balancing you and your mom.

Well, I should have just told you I wanted you to think more about me, but I'd never seen my mom so happy.

I didn't want to get in the way.

You're not in the way.

You're my leading man, and I'm yours.

So don't go replacing me.

[laughs softly]

I want to be the one who gets caught in the rain with you.

That's a really weird thing to say, but... me too, Jimmy.

[sighs] I swear, one day you guys are gonna kiss.

[mellow funk music]

♪ ♪

Well, I guess this is all my stuff.

Yeah, 'cause you only came over the once and you just left a shirt.

You take good care of him.

I will.

Then, um...

I guess this is good-bye.

It is, but you're really milking it.

Sorry. Good-bye.

[door closes]

You know, in a weird way, I kinda liked him.