02x07 - Say Yes to the Messy Dress

[bunniefuu]

Jessie! Guess who's in the park?

Chris Bosh, NBA All-Star?

No, Chris Bosh, NBA...

Wait, how did you know?

He's seven feet tall and he's standing right over there.

It's either him or a really well-dressed tree.

The Heat are in town to play the Knicks.

I hate The Heat.

They think they're so good just because they won the championship.

Well, I happen to know Chris.

But I guess you don't want me to introduce you since you hate The Heat.

Ooh, ooh. I wanna meet Chris. Please, please, please, please, please?

Okay, come on.

Here you go, Jason.

So, Chris, how the heck are ya? It's been a while.

Do I know you?

Well, this isn't awkward at all.

Jessie Prescott.

When you went to Lincoln High in Dallas, your team played our hometown school.

Remember?

Maybe this will help.

(Cheering) Bosh, Bosh, oh, my gosh, our team's gonna kick your tosh!

That was you?

That was the worst chant ever.

And what is a tosh?

Well, I meant tush, but it's hard to find words that rhyme with Bosh.

How about squash?

Posh?

Nosh?

Slosh?

I was nine.

And these little know-it-alls are Luke, Emma, Ravi and Zuri.

Don't you have any friends your own age?

I'm their nanny.

And, no.

Well, nice to meet you guys.

You know, my Knicks are going to kick your butt tonight.

Do you really believe that?

(Scoffs) Absolutely...

Not.

(Yelling) Nice to meet you, Chris.

I know I'm tall, but I can hear you.

I know. But Jessie only lets me yell in the park.

You know, Chris, I have some advice for The Heat that I think will really help this season.

Okay.

Pink piping on your basketball costumes.

Oh, okay, I'll tell coach.

So, Mr. Bosh...

Basketball must be easy, for a man as...

Vertically gifted as yourself.

Well, you'd think.

But the other teams have tall guys who are really good too.

Hmm. Complain much?

So, Chris, it must be exciting being a pro, traveling all over the country.

Yeah, it's great. Except, I can never get any sleep sharing a hotel room with LeBron.

Oh, does he keep you up partying? (Chuckles)

No, singing in the shower. LeBron has a serious case of Bieber fever.

Chris, why don't you come stay at our penthouse?

We have plenty of room. Plus...

I'd like to make it up to you for all that painful taunting.

It was painful, right?

Extremely.

But your taunting made me work harder, and it helped me make the NBA.

And yet you never sent me a thank you car.

You mean card?

Oh, no, you're in the NBA. I meant car.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ It feels like a party every day. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ My whole world is changing. Turning around. ♪
♪ They got me going crazy. Yeah, they're shaking the ground. ♪
♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town. ♪
♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie. ♪
♪ It feels like a party every day. ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie. ♪

So, style-watchers, fashion has finally come full circle.

The new black is actually black.

I'm Kitty Couture. See you next time in The Glitter Box.

(Meows)

Cut.

Speaking of which, where's my cut?

I don't make money off this.

Well, you should.

If you market Kitty Couture right, it can be a gold mine.

It's not about money.

Kitty Couture's mission is to inform and educate.

If I can save one young girl from wearing culottes...

Sorry, I just care too much.

Is Emma crying over culottes again?

They're baggy shorts. The skort's ugly stepsister.

Hey, can I clean this? Are these diamonds color-safe?

Jessie, that's Arturo Vitalli's prototype dress that he sent to Kitty Couture.

I'm reviewing it for next week's vlog.

Now, put it down, greasy hands.

That's fair.

I can't believe you got sent a one-of-a-kind, designer dress.

All I got sent was a card from my dentist saying my night-guard is in.

(Phone beeps)

(Gasps) Ooh. I just got my reminder that Kitty Couture is invited to the New York Teen Fashion Gala tonight.

Well, I'm getting a free toothbrush. So, neener-neener.

Oh, but, I can't go.

Kitty Couture has to keep her identity a secret.

Jessie, why don't you use the invitation?

Really? (Gasps)

Hi, Chris.

Hey, guys. Nice place.

We could play full court in here. (Chuckles)

Uh, here, Chris. Let me, uh, take your bag.

Um, and I shall help.

Thanks.

Give it to me.

Oh...

(Both gasp)

(Both gag)

No offense, Mr. Bosh, but your bag stinks.

Are you smuggling a skunk who ate burritos last night?

Those are my lucky socks.

I've been wearing them since the tenth grade.

When was the last time you washed them?

Like I said, tenth grade.

They're my secret w*apon. I can't afford to wash the luck out of them.

I always thought it was your monster dunks that made the other team cry.

(Sniffs)

Turns out, it's your socks.

And sometimes...

I pinch.

I give you Kitty Couture Kitty Litter.

"Kitty Glitter"? That's gross.

It's going to be the defecation sensation that sweeps the nation.

No. I do not want my face puking up cat litter.

Then you're gonna hate what you're doing on the Kitty Couture fertilizer bag.

Guys, I have a big problem.

So do I. I've got 300 pounds of sparkly Kitty litter to unload.

Emma, I've already bragged to Darla that I'm gonna have my picture taken on the red carpet at this amazing party.

But the fanciest thing I have to wear is my old prom dress.

The one you were wearing when you knocked over the aquarium?

Yes. And it's still stained with squid ink and tears.

But you could turn my frown upside down by letting me borrow that Arturo Vitalli dress.

Arturo sent me that dress to review.

I'm not supposed to wear it.

So don't. I will wear it, and rock it.

No. There will be no wearing or rocking.

Because knowing you, there will also be spilling and staining.

Are, are you saying that I'm clumsy?

Because you could not be more... aah!

(Spitting)

Could've been worse.

Could've been used Kitty litter.

Ugh!

What are you doing with Mr. Bosh's socks?

I have a plan to help the Knicks b*at The Heat.

Phew. Oh, is that dead rodent or very expensive cheese?

Neither. It's the world's stinkiest socks.

Uh, could you wash everything out of them? Dirt, sweat, fungus...

Luck.

I'll put them in their own washing machine.

Then I'll burn the machine.

(Grunts)

Whoa!

I mean...

Wow.

Zuri, do you think this dress says New York fashion event?

More like the Deadliest Catch premier party.

What am I supposed to do?

I, I need something special to wear that doesn't smell like low tide.

Let's see. You need a one of-a-kind-dress.

And Arturo Vitalli sent Emma a one-of-a-kind dress.

Hmm, how do we connect these dots?

But Emma told me not to.

You tell me not to do things all the time.

Yet, there's still a marble up my nose.

Zuri, Zuri, stop. That's Emma's room. No, we really shouldn't be...

Holy Sarah Jessica Parker!

This is a beautiful dress. (Gasps)

And it's my size. Well, clearly, the Universe wants me to try this on.

Right, Universe?

(Thunder rumbling)

I'm taking that as a yes!

Bibbity-bobbity-bam.

How could something be so wrong but look so right?

Jessie, you're kind of drooling.

I always drool when I'm guilty.

I promised Emma I wouldn't do this. Zuri, unzip me.

I can't do this.

I know, I look fantastic. But it's the right thing to do.

No, I mean I can't do this. The zipper's stuck.

What?

(Thunder rumbling)

Oh, shut up, Universe.

Okay, Luke, it took nine washes, but I finally got the stink out of your socks.

Wait, are those my lucky socks?

(Sniffs) Why do they smell like cherry blossoms?

(Stilted) Oh, no. They have been washed.

No!

No!

No!

What a diva. Next time I'll use Ocean Breeze.

(Zuri grunting)

Any luck?

No.

(Screams)

This is why everything I own is velcro.

Emma: Zuri? Are you in the living room?

Hide.

Zuri, for the last time, we are not doing a Kitty Couture board game.

And if we were, wearing a pantsuit would lose you way more than six hundred points.

Good note.

But didn't you love the "Get Out of Clogs Free" card?

(Sniffs)

I smell generic brand shampoo.

Jessie, are you in here?

Hello.

What are you doing under the piano?

Checking for trolls.

And we are good.

Good talk, Jessie.

Jessie, come quick!

I am having a Mrs. Kipling emergency.

Coming. I hope this time it doesn't involve me giving her mouth-to-snout.

(Growling)

(Squeaking )

Hey!

Okay, handled.

Oh, thank you for breaking that up, Jessie.

Who would have thought this would be the day the rats fought back?

(Chuckles)

Well, no harm done.

Correct. As long as you do not look down.

(Gasps)

Harm done. So much harm.

Wow, Chris, when was the last time you missed a dunk?

Let's just say, it was because I had a full diaper.

Ever since my socks got washed, I've lost my game.

And now my ball.

Perfect. Without Bosh, the Knicks are looking good to win.

Now, if I can only get my hands on LeBron's lucky Binky...

The game's in the bag.

And you can get your Kitty Couture hamburger grill for only 9.95.

Zuri, no.

I will not have my face seared into meat.

But everyone likes infomercials.

That's why I have a closet full of Ab Blasters and spray-on hair.

Okay, Zuri, how noticeable is this? And feel free to lie.

(Gasps)

Uh, oh, hey, Emma...

'Sup?

Did that used to be my Arturo Vitalli?

Yes, and I'm so sorry.

Look, don't worry...

I'll pay for it. I have some money saved up.

That dress costs sixty thousand dollars.

Oh.

Emma, can I borrow fifty-nine thousand nine hundred and fifty dollars?

I swear I only had it on for a second, but then the zipper broke, and there was a rodent revolt against a giant lizard.

You know, the uszh.

Jessie, if this gets out, no designer will ever trust me again.

This could ruin Kitty Couture.

I'm so sorry.

I just wanted my friends to see my picture in an amazing dress, at an A-list event.

I've been in New York for over a year, and the most glamorous thing I've done is use the kids' water fountain at the Plaza.

That was a bidet.

Is that French for water fountain?

Sure.

The point is, I am so sorry.

I was being selfish. Will you please forgive me?

I'll do more than that.

You're going to get your picture on the red carpet in an Arturo Vitalli dress.

You have another one?

No.

But if I can design and sew an entire line of clothing for my class' pet guinea pig...

I can fix this.

Emma, you are the best.

I love you kids so much.

(Phone chimes)

Luke, you are so dead.

Swish.

I just got a text from Chris Bosh saying, "thanks for letting me stay at the penthouse, B-T-dubs, my career is ruined".

Luke, what did you do?

All I did was wash the luck out of Chris Bosh's socks, stripping away his confidence and turning him into a shell of his former self.

No big whoop.

Uh, actually, it's a giant whoop.

Look, forget about teams and rivalries.

You may have destroyed a man's career.

Well, when you say it like that...

It doesn't sound as fun.

It's not. Just fix it.

Fix it? How am I supposed to make Chris' lucky socks lucky again?

Well, Chris thought they were lucky when they smelled like, egg salad threw up on a fart.

That's right.

Oh, but how am I supposed to put 13 years worth of stink back on those socks?

Considering your underwear stands up by itself...

I have faith in you, brother.

Curdled milk?

Milk.

Rotten meat?

Meat.

Fish guts?

Guts.

Okay. Do you think they're stinky enough?

Considering we are both still conscious...

Probably not.

How is hailing a cab going to help us stink up Mr. Bosh's socks?

Just stand right...

There.

Okey-dokey.

Yo, taxi.

(Car approaching)

Perfect.

Could we not have just stuck the socks in the dirty gutter water?

Sure, but where's the fun in that? (Chuckles)

Ewe.

Ewe. (Gags)

Good thing I keep forgetting to clean the cage.

(Gags)

Presenting a beautiful nanny in a beautiful dress.

I can't believe you fixed it.

When Darla sees a picture of you in this dress, it's going to k*ll her.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Emma, you are a wizard with a needle and thread.

And duct tape. Here's some extra, just in case a seam rips.

(Cell phone vibrating)

What now?

Luke?

Jessie?

Chris' game is in twenty minutes, and he refuses to go.

I know I said I wanted to make him lose.

But that was before I saw his sad little Chris Bosh face.

I thought I said fix it.

Well, we did. We re-stunk Chris's socks and gave them back to him, but it's not working.

Stink was how you chose to fix it?

Why is that your answer for everything?

What should I have done?

Apologize to him.

Oh, I think we're way past that.

Just hold on. I'll be right there.

But Jessie, you don't have time.

Look, the park is on the way to the party.

I'll help Chris, and still have time to make it to the red carpet.

When you do, could you hold up this Kitty Couture back-scratcher?

Product placement is everything.

I think I could make this work.

It's no use. I'm playing like a sixth grader.

(Grunts)

I did it. I made a touchdown!

Make that, worse than a sixth grader.

Hey, Jessie. Uh, aren't you a bit overdressed for the park?

Uh, long story I don't have time for.

Especially since my sweat is starting to loosen the duct tape.

Well, it's fitting you're here.

You saw my career begin, and now you've seen it end.

Chris, you can't seriously consider quitting just because of a pair of socks.

Look, you became a great player because of your hard work and talent.

Not because of some stinky superstition.

I appreciate that, but I haven't hit a sh*t all day. It's hopeless.

(Cheering) Bosh, Bosh, oh, my gosh, our team's gonna kick your tosh!

Not cool.

Bosh, Bosh, oh, my gosh, our team's gonna kick your tosh!

Quit it.

Bosh, Bosh, oh, my gosh...

(Both screaming)

(Crowd gasps)

Ah! Now, was that so hard?

That was awesome!

Home run!

Thanks, Jessie. How can I ever repay you?

Well, I still don't have a car.

I figured that was a long sh*t.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a red carpet to rock.

And I've got a game to win. (Chuckles)

Good job, Chris.

Kudos, Mr. Chris Bosh.

Not my uniform!

(Gasping)

My dress.

Oh, that's terrible.

Let me pay for it.

It cost sixty thousand dollars.

Ooh. I think I hear LeBron calling.

Oh, no. I can't walk the red carpet like this.

Now Darla is never gonna see a cool picture of me on the Internet.

My life is just one big humiliation.

On the bright side, I made a basket.

Coming Mr. LeBron.

Next thing you know, I'm drenched in Grape-orade, so I never even made it onto the red carpet.

And I practiced my poses and everything.

I'm starting to think you dodged a b*llet.

Jessie, I just got an email from Arturo Vitalli.

Someone took a picture of you playing basketball with Chris Bosh in the park...

And it went viral.

(Reading) "Mysterious beauty dunked on by NBA All-Star".

I'm beautiful, mysterious, and I totally could have blocked that if I wasn't wearing heels.

Arturo is so thrilled, he's doing a whole ad campaign with models and athletes to sell his new line of sportswear.

And I'm beautiful and mysterious.

Darla and everyone back home is going to see this and be crazy jealous.

Wait, what about the dress?

He's letting us keep it for free.

(Both squeal)

Great. We can sell that thing to help pay for the 10,000 Kitty Couture scooters, waiting to clear customs at the harbor.

Zuri, if I have told you once, I have told you a thousand times.

No importing boatloads of merchandise without my permission.

Give. It. Back.

I. Didn't. Take it.

Chris told me it was in his suitcase when he came here, and now it's missing.

Who else would have taken the NBA Championship trophy?

Emma, I think I got a real money maker, here.

Everyone's a winner with Kitty Couture trophies.

I believe you owe me an apology.

Really? Zuri, where did you get that trophy?

Luke's room.