03x08 - Krumping and Crushing

[bunniefuu]

[Shattering]

Whoa! They weren't kidding when they marked that thing "fragile".

[Video game sounds blaring]

Luke, this video game thing is becoming obsessive.

Yeah. We were in the park for two hours, and you never looked up.

He stood still for so long, a Chihuahua mistook him for a fire hydrant.

Could've been worse. It could've been a great dane.

Hey, Tony, I'm diggin' the new Epaulets.

Thanks for noticing!

I'm glad somebody did.

Hey, I noticed when you switched your hair gel from super hold to concrete coiffure.

Only because you borrowed it to re-glue the fender onto Zuri's bike.

Cool Power Pony decals, by the way.

I've got the same ones on my luggage cart.

[Jessie scoffs]

You watch Power Ponies?

♪In a beautiful kingdom by the sea.

♪Lives the prettiest pony you ever did see.

♪She can talk and fly and do karaoke.

♪And her pony pals are sold separately.

I wish if I could break up with you again.

[Elevator bell dings]

[Video game sounds blaring]

This would be oddly soothing, if I did not have to tinkle.

Don't worry, I've to do laundry anyway.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ It feels like a party every day. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ My whole world is changing. Turning around. ♪
♪ They got me going crazy. Yeah, they're shaking the ground. ♪
♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town. ♪
♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie. ♪
♪ It feels like a party every day. ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie. ♪

[Music]

Wow, my psychology textbook says women who never marry are more likely to be high achievers.

That's great news for Jessie!

Jessie is a catch.

I'm sure she'll find someone wonderful.

That's really sweet of you to say.

Are you feeling okay?

Better than okay.

I'm in love with love.

Does my little sister have a crush?

Maybe.

Yes!

He's older, super nice, and he looks so handsome in his uniform.

Uniform? Who is he?

Wouldn't you like to know?

Yes, that's why I'm asking!

Jessie: No more video games, you need a new hobby.

But I don't need dance lessons!

What's next, a class on how to be cool and good-looking?

Okay, trust me, someday you'll thank me for this.

And so will your thumbs.

[Grunting]

Uh, Mr. McNichol?

Ah... [chuckling]

So you're familiar with me and my international reputation as an innovative dance artiste?

Of course...

[Chuckles]

Also, I found your coupon on the bus.

That's expired. You'll have to pay full price.

No problem.

Yeah.

And speaking of problems, this is, Luke.

Nice to meet you, although I doubt there's anything you can teach me.

[Chuckles]

I'd applaud, but I'm paralyzed with delight!

[Chuckles]

Finally, a student who is talented!

[Chuckles]

Oh, please. I've accepted it, why can't you?

Although, your technique could use some tinkering.

Now, watch and learn as I demonstrate my trademark move!

A-five, six, seven, eight, one, two... [screaming]

Man down! Man down!

Which part was the trademark, the collapsing or the shrieking?

I don't know, just applaud.

That wasn't the move! I have a chronic knee injury!

Dance stole my heart, and then shattered my knee.

Treasure your cartilage while you can.

[Whimpers]

He's weird and I am leaving.

They're cute and I am staying.

Thanks for helping me with my psychology homework.

Now I'm going to give you a pink blot test.

You mean "ink blot" test.

Not the way I do it!

What you see in these blots will help reveal your inner feelings.

Emma. Emma.

I am too sophisticated for this test.

All I will see is a meaningless blob.

Let's try anyway.

What do you see?

[Tearfully] A lonely boy, ostracized in the cafeteria.

He desperately waits for the bell to ring.

As he eats his lunch behind the milk station.

Huh. Luke said, it looked like a cheerleader doing a handstand.

Did it make him cry, too?

You know, psychology is supes useful.

Like with Zuri. She's got her first crush, and now I can give her expert advice!

What do these tragic blots have to do with Zuri's percolating hormones?

I don't know yet. I'm only on chapter 1.

Hey, Emma, I've decided to tell you-know-who about you-know-what.

[Gasping] Really? Oh, please tell me who he is!

You're not getting it out of me that easily.

But I'll give you one more hint.

His name starts with a T.

Tennessee Williams, celebrated playwright!

Sorry, do I get one more hint?

No. I'm out of here.

Ooh, and I'm taking this picture of Reba with me!

So we know this guy is older, wears a uniform, and his name starts with a T.

[Gasping]

Do you know what that means?

Zuri is in love with Tony!

Ooh! Tony and Zuri?

Now that is cray cray!

Oh, no!

If Tony handles this badly, it could mean permanent emotional damage for Zuri.

What do I do?

Might I suggest reading chapter 2?

Huh. I really do not see the cheerleader.

Ah, there she is!

[Tearfully] But she looks so lonely.

She has been cut from the cheer leading squad.

And dumped by her boyfriend, Brock... [sobbing]

Luke: Man, I love dancing. I've got two more hours of practice before bed.

[Chuckles] Wait, wait, wait!

Homework first, then hobbies!

Wow, I'm on a roll!

I should try to get Zuri to eat a vegetable!

Oh, I, uh, don't do homework anymore.

I'm a dancer now.

What? Who told you dancers don't do homework?

Phil did. He said I should eat, sleep and breathe "the dance".

So when do you do "the homework" and clean "the room"?

Hey, you're the one who told me that if I put in the effort, I'd be thanking you, and you were right!

Thanks for getting homework out of my life forever!

[Sighs] My job would be so much easier if it weren't for all these kids.

[Music]

[Upbeat dance music playing]

Phil, I need to talk to you.

Ah!

Oh, Jessie! Thank you for visiting. We don't allow visitors.

Did you tell Luke he doesn't have to clean his room or do his homework?

Or brush his teeth. Yes, I did.

Yeah? Have you smelled his breath lately?

It's like the inside of a decaying, garlic-loving cat.

[Snaps finger] [Music ceases]

Look!

That boy is brilliant, and his breath is only gonna be an issue for the front row.

Now, thank you for the gift that is Luke, but you need to go. Come on.

You know what? I will go, and I'm taking "the gift" with me.

No, no, you can't! He's going to put my dance studio on the map!

Well, if he doesn't do his homework he won't be able to spell map.

Luke, we're leaving.

[Laughing]

No! I don't want to leave!

Sorry, but my mind is made up.

Nanny! Wait!

Do that again!

Do what again?

That dramatic turn.

[Gasping]

Such regal posture, such swan-like grace!

Obviously, you've danced before.

[Chuckles] Well, I don't mean to brag, but I was on drill team.

[Gasping]

There was a whole thing in the school paper about it.

You probably didn't see it.

No, no, no.

Well, I didn't have to.

You're a natural danseuse.

I want, nay, I need you to join this class, and perform with us on Saturday when we compete on a live episode of...

Seriously, you call that dancing?

Seriously?

You call that dancing?

Yes, that's the full title. Please keep up.

That's my favorite show of all time!

Me, too! And now, now that I have Luke, and you, of course, I'm going to win!

You mean we're going to win!

Oh! I can't wait to brag about this at the drill team reunion!

[Pant ripping] Oh.

[Clears throat] I really hope that ripping noise was my pants.

Tony, we need to talk to you about a secret admirer.

Yes, a young lady in the building is quite taken with you.

Is this about Mrs. Felton in 14-D?

With the constant prune deliveries?

She's not exactly "young". I think she went to prom with Abe Lincoln.

No! It's Zuri.

Zuri? No way! Why would little Zuri have a crush on me?

Well, for starters, you enjoy the same cartoons.

They are not cartoons. They are animated musical extravaganzas.

Those ponies are artists.

You need to be careful, because my psychology textbook says Zuri is at a very delicate age, when rejection could affect her for the rest of her life.

Oh, no. Okay... what should I do?

Just make sure to let Zuri down easy, so she won't end up and living alone and feeding 30 cats!

That would be horrible!

If you think that is bad, you should see Emma's blots.

They are sparkly tableau's of misery.

Pop, step, swing, zsa, zsa.

I forgot a zsa! Zsa.

I love it. I should've put a ring on it.

[Both laughing]

We need to talk, missy!

Why did you leave me a to-do list of your jobs?

So it would be easier for you to do them?

No, no. I'm not covering all your duties just so you can rehearse for your little recital.

Hey, it's just three more days.

Then you can get back to your strict whining schedule.

Bertram, what are you doing here?

Taking both of you out of this class!

I'm calling your parents and pulling the plug on this whole thing.

How many meddlesome servants does this boy have?

Okay, let's not be hasty.

I'm staying here!

You're going home. And you need a breath mint.

Man servant!

Wait, do that again please.

What? This?

[Gasping]

That was poetry in motion.

It was?

Yes!

Usually he's poetry napping on the couch.

Phil: One, two, three and four.

[Dance music playing]

[Groans] Whoa!

Now I know why they call them tights.

Wow, Phil must really need more students.

[Panting]

[Chuckles]

This is fun!

Should my arm be tingling?

Quiet! Between your panting, your erratic heartbeat, and your thighs slapping, I can't hear my cue!

Okay, this is it, people.

In 20 minutes, we're going to be on live TV.

[Applauding]

There's actually a 10-second delay.

Last year a group of little girls called "Sparkle Motion" got nervous and vomited in perfect unison.

Talented children scare me.

That's a two way street, dude.

Class, attencion, attencion.

[Popping cheeks] Dancers.

Uh, I'm a little behind on the rent, so if you mess up, uh, the studio will be closed, and I will be living in my Mother's minivan.

Which smells of fish sticks and death.

[Chuckles] But...

No pressure. Just go out there and have some fun!

Hey! Don't worry about me and Bertram.

Okay, we're going to give it all we've got!

Aw, thanks, Jessie. And I love everything you're doing, but one very minor note.

You're no longer in the number.

What? You're kicking me out?

Yes, yes, but feel free to sit in the audience, but not the front row.

Because that's for people I care about. Just...

Gosh, what a shame.

But Phil has to do what's best for the group.

Oh, and Bertram? You're cut too.

Hmm?

What?

But I emailed everyone who made fun of me in Middle School just so I could gloat.

[Weeping] It took nine hours!

My Dad planned a barbecue around this.

He created a special burger in my honor!

[Both weeping]

What kind of burger?

b*rned on the outside, cold and raw on the inside, like all his burgers!

But it's the thought that counts.

Was it going to have cheese?

It was gonna.

[Weeping]

Hey, Phil.

Hmm?

You cut Jessie and Bertram?

Why would you do that?

I couldn't let them perform. They dance like blindfolded chickens on ice skates.

Well, duh! But couldn't you just put them in back, so no one could see them?

No! They could've ended up on camera! I couldn't take that chance.

Well, they're my friends and you just humiliated them.

If they're not in the show, I'm not in the show.

I quit!

No, no. Luke! No, Luke!

Luke! No, no. [Shrieks] There it goes.

How can you blame me?

Jessie's an oaf and Bertram sweats so much, he's like a giant, rotating lawn sprinkler!

Surely, it can't be the first time you've heard that.

[Music]

Oh, hey, Tony.

Zuri, we have to talk.

[Chuckles] Okay.

But I'm not giving you any more of my Power Pony stickers.

Fine. I guess I just have to eat a lot more cereal to complete my set.

Look, Zuri, I know you're at a very delicate age right now.

And I don't want to say anything that'll make you end up uh...

Living in Rome and eating dirty cats.

Did you hit your head playing choo-choo on the luggage cart again?

No way. I padded that thing after the last time.

Look, I heard you have a little crush on me.

And I'm really flattered, because you're awesome.

But I think you should find someone a little closer to your own age.

[Laughing]

You think I have a crush on you? Who told you that?

Emma and Ravi!

And you believed them?

Well, Emma is studying psychology.

Oh, please. Last year she thought geometry was the study of the letter G!

It's not!

Luke, what's wrong?

Phil told us you quit.

He said you had stage fright.

And I said that's ridiculous...

Because on the red carpet for your Dad's last premiere, you photo-bombed Jennifer Lawrence.

Oh, she loved it.

I quit because Phil was just using you guys to keep me in class.

Both: What?

Ah! That makes sense.

I blame you.

Wait. So, you quit because of us?

Yeah.

Aw, that is so sweet.

And stupid.

What?

Luke, you are brilliant at dancing, and you've worked so hard.

You shouldn't give up this opportunity because of me and Bertram.

But I'll have lots of opportunities to dance in front of people.

You guys stink, so this was your only chance.

Well, this shouldn't be about us.

Anyway, I am so glad I convinced you to take dance in the first place.

Actually, the cute girls in class convinced me.

Okay, but I'm the one who convinced you to stay in the class.

Actually, that was the lack of homework.

Come on, just throw her a bone. This is getting sad.

You know what, Jessie?

You were the one who told me to get serious about dancing in the first place.

And you were right.

I never really thought about what I want to do with my life before and, now I know I want to be a dancer.

So, thank you.

You're welcome.

[Bertram chuckles]

And the arts are a great career.

If your parents are really rich.

Now get out there and dance.

Hurry up, the show starts in two minutes!

Thanks, guys. This is so much better than doing homework!

Which you're still doing later!

No, he won't.

I know.

Do you think Tony has spoken to Zuri yet?

I don't know. But I hope, if he did, he let her down easy.

Unlike Brock, the cruel quarterback who broke that poor cheerleader's heart!

Let it go! That blot was supposed to be a butterfly!

You said there were no wrong answers.

And yet you came up with one!

Hey, guys. What's new?

Someone told Tony that I had a crush on him.

[Gasps] Who would do that?

I do not know what you are talking about.

Relax, she knows it was you guys.

Turns out, it's someone else she likes.

Two guys whose names start with a T.

What are the odds?

The boy I like is Tommy.

He's a grade ahead of me, and a star pitcher on the baseball team.

Ah, yes. I have seen him in the halls.

But since he is popular, we have never actually met.

Well, you're about to, because his Mom is taking us to a movie!

[Gasping]

Doesn't he look so cute in his uniform?

Not too shabby.

Hi, I'm...

Bye.

Why didn't Zuri introduce us?

It is almost as if she is embarrassed by us.

I can't imagine why.

Be right back.

Tony, I'm really sorry I put you in such an awkward position with Zuri.

I guess I'm not so good at psychology.

It's okay.

I did horrible in all the "ologies". Like cosmetology.

Which I signed up for by mistake, thinking I was going to be an Astronaut.

So, you're not mad at me?

No way.

You were just looking out for your kid sister.

And I think that's really sweet.

You do? Aw!

And I think you're terrific.

[Elevator bell dings]

Oops, gotta go hail a cab.

Aw!

Tony just said I was "terrific".

I have to go watch every single episode of Power Ponies, in case he wants to talk about it.

Wow, I need to get a uniform.

Then the babes will be all over me.

Yes, yes.

[Upbeat dance music playing]

[Audience cheering]

Wow, he is fantastic!

[Chuckles] I know! I'm so proud of him.

If he just applied himself like this at school, he'll make the honor roll!

[Both laughing]

[Music ends]

[Cheering]

Sweet jazz hands, we won!

Now, I don't have to move into my Mother's minivan.

Which is great because she wouldn't give me the keys anyway.

Oh, Luke, you were incredible!

Thank you, Jessie!

Congratulations!

I think we all know the right thing to do is to give that to me.

Jessie, you're gonna let him run off with our trophy?

Oh, don't worry, he won't get far.

[Panting]

All right, hit it!

[Upbeat dance music playing]

[Growling]

[Music ends]

[Breathing heavily]

[Hoarsely] I need to go lay down now.

Thank you! Thank you!

It's a shame the world will never see it.

I think the world will be okay.

That was even scarier than Emma's blots!