03x24 - There Goes the Bride

[bunniefuu]

Isn't my engagement ring gorgeous?

Look how the light catches it.

You might want to put on sunscreen.

Hmm. Nice cut. Flawless color.

How many karats is it?

Enough to feed a family of rabbits for 20 years.

Guys, it's not about the bling.

This ring is precious to me because it shows how much Brooks loves me.

And this rock means he loves me a lot.

So, after you and Brooks are married, is he going to bunk with Bertram?

Because if I need you for a post nightmare cuddle, three's a crowd.

Actually, sweetie, Brooks and I will probably get our own place, but I will still be here every day to take care of you guys, just like always.

Good, because when you took that weekend off, things got a little out of hand.

Yeah, I still can't believe that judge wanted to trial Luke as an adult.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ hey Jessie, hey Jessie ♪
♪ it feels like a party every day ♪
♪ hey Jessie, hey Jessie ♪
♪ but they keep on pulling me every which way ♪
♪ hey Jessie, hey Jessie ♪
♪ my whole world is changing turning around ♪
♪ they got me going crazy yeah, they're shaking the ground ♪
♪ but they took a chance on the new girl in town ♪
♪ and I don't want to let them down, down, down ♪
♪ hey Jessie ♪
♪ hey Jessie ♪
♪ it feels like a party every day ♪
♪ hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie ♪

Jessie: Guys, we have something important to ask you.

Emma, Zuri, would you like to be my bridesmaids?

Yes. Of course.

As long as our dresses aren't camouflage.

Even I can't pull that off.

And Luke, Ravi...

I was hoping you two would be my best men.

Really? It would be an honor.

And I have the perfect wild bachelor party concept.

Two word... laser. Tag.

Son. Urchins. Urchin-wrangler.

Great news.

It turns out Brooks is not related to you?

I booked the most amazing wedding venue.

Madison square garden.

Can't wait to invite 18,000 of my closest friends.

I think you're overestimating your friend count...

By 18,000.

Great. After we say our vows on the jumbotron, I can sh**t my bouquet out of the t-shirt cannon.

Ugh. Very well.

At least tell me you'll wear my dress from my fourth wedding.

That was my favorite marriage.

Why was it your favorite?

We went on a cruise for our honeymoon, and he slipped overboard.

"Slipped"? Uh-huh.

If it was good enough for the Monte Carlo p.D., it's good enough for you.

Prepare to be dazzled.

Ta-da!

(Screams)

Wow, Jessie. Hmm.

You look just like my mother.

I'm gonna need so much therapy.

Oh! Don't you just love it?

No. I look like a swan collided with the space station.

Hey, Tony.

What are you doing on October 19th next year?

I'm not sure.

This calendar I got from the Chinese restaurant only goes to the end of rooster.

Okay.

Well, save the date, because that's when Brooks and I are getting married.

Oh. Well...

Wouldn't that kind of be awkward?

I mean, we used to date.

I've let you use my bowling ball.

And we'll always have that.

But it would mean the world to me if you were there.

You're such an important person in my life.

(Scoffs) Then... I'd be honored to attend your wedding.

Oh.

As my grandma always said.

(Speaking Italian)

Oh, Tony, that's beautiful. What does it mean?

"Put me down for chicken. I'm watching my figure."

(Elevator dings)

Jessie, amazing news.

I just got this great opportunity to run a new wildlife refuge.

Cool. Awesome.

Huzzah. Whatever tickles your monkey.

Brooks, that's incredible. I'm so proud of you. Thanks.

And, to get the job, I have to be in Africa in two days.

Two days?

Isn't this exciting?

Ah. It's definitely something...

That we need to talk about... in the kitchen.

Why? What's in the kitchen?

Not us. Try to keep up!

Guys, do you know what this means?

Yes, Brooks has to buy an airplane ticket to Africa at the last minute.

He will be paying through the nose.

Forget his nose.

If Jessie moves away with Brooks, we'll lose her forever.

You're moving to Africa in two days?

Jessie, you're hurting me.

Fingers are fusing. (Groans)

And I'm not the only one moving.

Obviously my wife will come with me.

You're married?

I knew there had to be something wrong with you.

No, I mean I want us to get married before we go.

You expect me to give up my entire life and move to Africa in two days?

This might be a bad time to mention it, but you also have to get a lot of sh*ts.

What about the kids?

I was still planning on being their nanny after we got married.

Honey, I know you love them, but you weren't planning on being their nanny forever, right?

I guess not...

But I at least wanted to get Luke through high school, which actually could take forever.

Jessie, this is the chance of a lifetime for me, but it won't mean anything without you.

Please, please come with me.

Okay, let's do it.

(Laughs)

But I have no idea how I'm going to tell the kids.

Ravi: Quit pushing.

(All groan)

I think they already know.

Thank you guys so much for throwing me this bachelorette party.

So, what kind of wild and crazy trouble are we going to get into?

Unless you litter, this is pretty much it.

Oh, let's hope the cops don't come.

But we did put together a little slide show for you.

Aw, that's so sweet.

Hey, why are you wearing a cap and gown?

Just thought you might like to see what my high school graduation is gonna be like.

Since you won't be there.

You're also going to miss me winning the congressional medal of honor...

For fashion.

Emma: See that empty chair?

That's where you were supposed to be sitting, but you couldn't make it back from Africa.

Because you were eaten by a meerkat.

Meerkats don't eat people.

It was an angry meerkat.

Okay, guys, I know you're upset, and I don't blame you but...

You're amazing kids, and you're going to be okay.

Besides, it's not like this is easy for me, either, my dad's not even going to be at my wedding.

Why not? Well, he's deployed.

Apparently it's a "big deal" to turn around an aircraft carrier.

Bessie. Urchins. There you are.

You made it!

Yay!

I wanted to show you your wedding cake.

Jessie: Oh!

That's a nice picture of Brooks, but where am I?

The bride's picture is in its traditional location.

Under the plastic florette.

How nice.

But shouldn't the groom and the bride be visible?

Diva alert.

Yeah. Sorry for making my wedding all about me.

And, by the way, we've decided to have the ceremony in the penthouse.

Swell. (Chuckles)

Why not just hold it in the men's room of the port authority?

Ah! Bees!

I didn't see any bees.

Shh.

(Lasers blasting)

Hey. When you said we'd have a laser tag bachelor party, I didn't think you guys would have actual lasers.

(Yelps)

(Shrieks)

(Laughs)

So, you have a choice.

You can go to Africa without Jessie, or go to Africa with Jessie, but extra crispy. (Elevator dings)

No! Not the face! Not the face!

Okay, I don't know much about bachelor parties, but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to vaporize the groom.

We were just having a little fun, right, Brooks?

No harm done.

Yeah, except for my pants. They're ruined.

But the lasers did not go anywhere near your pants.

I know. (Clears throat)

(Chuckling)

Hey! Kids, I know this is hard for you, okay? I get it and I'm so sorry, but...

I guess I was just hoping you could find it in your hearts to be happy for me.

I am so disappointed in all of you.

Jessie has put your happiness before hers for the last three years now.

She's picked you up when you've fallen. She's...

Made you laugh when you were sad.

She's even managed to turn you into young men and women that I don't find totally unbearable.

Well, most of you.

That's fair.

So...

Now it's time for you guys to return the favor.

When she walks down that aisle tomorrow, she needs to know that you love and support her.

Okay?

Okay.

Message received.

Wow.

I've never seen Bertram so upset.

Wait until he sees what happened in the kitchen when we were playing laser tag.

You k*lled pan-ela Anderson.

(Sobbing)

(Screaming)

Ravi: Jessie?

Can we come in?

If I say no, are you going to blast the door open with a laser?

Luke: Of course not.

The lasers are recharging.

Please? We need to talk to you.

Okay, come on in.

Jessie, we want to apologize for how we were acting.

Yeah, I'm sorry I was such a bachelorette party pooper.

And we're sorry we tried to give Brooks unnecessary lasik surgery.

Yes, perhaps it was a bit much setting the lasers to widow maker.

We're just mad at Brooks for taking you away from us.

We don't want to lose you.

I don't want to lose you guys either. Come here.

Look, guys, I know it's scary for you.

Okay? It's scary for me, too.

And not just because Mrs. chesterfield is going to be my mother-in-law.

(All shuddering)

We really want you to be happy, Jessie.

And if marrying Brooks is what you want, then we support you.

Right.

Absolutely.

Unless I still have a chance with you.

You don't, but a for effort.

Cherish it. It is the only a you will ever get.

You know what?

I'm going to miss you kids more than anything in the whole world.

We are going to miss you, too.

Luke, that's a little too much effort.

Actually, that's me. You're sitting on my hand.

(Laughs)

(Knock at door)

Tony: Hey, Jessie? Can I come in?

Oh, sure, Tony.

Um... Tony! Tony!

Why are your eyes covered?

Isn't it bad luck for an ex-boyfriend to see his ex-girlfriend on her wedding day?

No. It's not a thing.

Tony: Whoa.

You look amazing.

But don't you think that's a little casual for a wedding dress?

It's a robe.

(Phone rings) Oh.

Excuse me.

Hello, reverend. What?

What do you mean you are not able to make it?

A funeral? Okay, not to sound selfish, but I'm getting married in 10 minutes.

They'll still be dead tomorrow.

Oh, okay, well, in that case, I understand.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Oh, no. Wait, now I have no one to perform the ceremony.

What am I going to do?

(Sighs)

Okay, fine.

I'll marry you.

Um, first, I'm already taken.

Second, you really got to work on your proposal skills.

I mean, I'll marry you and Brooks.

I'm actually licensed to perform wedding ceremonies.

You are? Who let that happen?

Well, I was online trying to become a bowling official, and I filled out the wrong form.

That's also how I became a notary public.

And the mayor of a small town in Illinois.

Anyway, if it's not too weird, I could officiate your wedding.

Really? Tony, that would be incredible.

Tony: Okay. Jessie: Okay.

I'm gonna go put on my formal epaulets.

But first...

I wanted to give you something.

Please let it be a kiss.

Tony: It's the program and menu from your improv debut at the noodle doodle doo.

Jessie: Tony.

Aww, and you put a star next to my name.

Is that 'cause I was your favorite?

Absolutely.

It also reminds me that he kung pao chicken is really spicy. Oh.

Tony, this is incredibly thoughtful.

Thank you.

Okay, well, um... okay. Well...

I'm gonna go get changed.

Yeah, you do that and I will see you downstairs, Mr. mayor.

Put 'er there.

Watch. Watch for the...

(Door closes)

He should've played that mayor card a long time ago.

(Soft music playing)

(Growling)

Well, my boy, today you finally become a man.

Do you have any last minute questions before you take the plunge?

Probably not from someone who shaved this morning with whipped cream and a fruitsicle stick.

(Wedding march playing)

You look absolutely beautiful.

Thank you, Bertram.

And thank you so much for standing in for my dad he couldn't be here to give me away.

It's my honor.

Although in all my fantasies of actually giving you and the kids away, like, to a traveling circus, I never imagined it would be so hard to let one of you go.

Bertram, that is so sweet.

Yeah, well, I get emotional at events that involve large cakes.

Jessie: Look.

I am so proud of them.

They seem so grown up.

Yup.

Only 2,555 more days until the last one goes off to college.

Take good care of her.

On this happy, happy day...

(Kids sobbing)

On this happy, happy day, we are here to celebrate the marriage of Jessie Prescott.

Brooks wentworth.

Before we proceed, if there is anyone who objects to this union, please speak now or forever hold your peace.

In that case, do you, Brooks, take this woman, to love and to cherish, for better or worse, or so help me, mister, I will hunt you down in the deepest part of Africa for not treating her like the lady that she is!

I do, I do! I promise, I do.

Good.

And do you, Jessie, take this man, to love and to cherish from this day forward, no backsies, even if he's a bad bowler, till death do you part?

I...

I don't. (Guests gasps)

What?

Did she just say "I don't"?

I think so, but then again, I am not very good with contractions.

Brooks, I am so sorry. I just can't.

Yes! Point, rhoda!

What?

If the ice swan hasn't melted, I can get my money back.

Jessie, are you okay?

What happened?

Brooks, I am so sorry.

I thought I was ready for this, but, marriage, moving to Africa...

It's a lot, I know.

But we're doing it together.

Yes, but we're doing it so fast.

I don't know if I'm ready to be part of a couple.

I've barely been a single.

Look, I still have so much to learn about who I am, before I can share my life with someone else.

Wait...

Is this about Tony?

No. Of course not.

Maybe... a little.

Yeah. Brooks.

Hey!

It's more than that I moved to New York to be an actress.

I'm still not ready to give up on that dream.

And I don't want you to.

Once we get settled, you can keep pursuing acting.

How? In Africa, dinner theater is a lion gnawing on a gazelle carcass in front of a bus load of horrified tourists.

Well, if you had all these doubts, then why did you say yes?

Because I love you.

You came in and you swept me off my feet.

It was like a fairy tale come true.

But then, when I looked at the kids, I realized... I'm just not ready to leave them.

I need them and they need me.

And the endangered albino warthog needs me.

If I want to do my part to save them, then I have to go to Africa.

Without you.

I understand.

You have to follow your dream, too.

Well, I guess...

This means our dreams are taking us in different directions.

I guess so.

I'm gonna miss you so much.

I'm gonna miss you, too.

(Sniffling)

You should probably tell the kids.

(All shrieking)

I think they already know.

All: Jessie!

(Laughing)

I'm so happy you're staying, I will never misbehave again.

That's probably not true.

Jessie, I think we all know the real reason you're staying.

You've got a bad case of Luke fever, and the doctor is in the house.

(Chuckles) Oh, get, get, get...

What we're trying to say, Jessie, is...

Thank you for staying.

How could I leave? You're my family.

We love you, Jessie.

I love you too.

Bertram, is that my wedding cake?

Too soon?

Oh, Bertie...

Oh, no.

(Laughs) What do you say you and I get hitched?

(Purring)

I'd rather marry that ice sculpture.

It's warmer.

(Vocalizing wedding march)

You're going to be lucky husband number seven.

What's lucky about that? Aren't one through six still missing?

(Laughs) Absolutely not.

Number five is in a storage locker in paramus, New Jersey.

So...

Would you like to kiss the bride?

(Shrieks)

Bull's eye.

(Coughs)

Does that answer your question?

A simple "no" would have sufficed.

(Grunts)

Yuck.

Thanks, guys. How could I ever repay you?

A big wad of cash?

Boy band mix tapes it is.

That was an amazing sh*t, brother.

Eh, not really.

I was aiming for Bertram.