02x15 - Girl Meets I Am Farkle

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Girl Meets World". Aired: June 2014 to January 2017.*
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Curious and bright 7th grader Riley Matthews and her quick-witted friend Maya Fox embark on an unforgettable middle school experience but their plans for a carefree year will be adjusted slightly under the watchful eyes of Riley's parents - dad Cory, who's also a faculty member (and their new History teacher), and mom Topanga, who owns a trendy after-school hangout that specializes in pudding.
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02x15 - Girl Meets I Am Farkle

Post by bunniefuu »

A) Every human being is a unique collection of atoms.

B) Some of you in this room might be human beings.

C) When you mess with atoms, or human beings, they blow up.

Belgium, 1831!

Okay, everybody, it's happening right now.

Under your desks. Farkle's gonna blow.

I know everything except Belgium, 1831.

And once I know that, I'll know everything!

And then my name goes on the board with those three idiots!

Breathe, Farkle.

Too late.

I taste blue.

You know, with anybody else, that would've been strange.

But with Farkle, we don't even lift him off the floor anymore.

Oh, here's your book.

Ugh.

Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Matthews, I'm here to speak with Farkle Minkus.

Farkle, guidance counselor.

Well, it's about time.

Are you finally taking him away?

He goes, we all go.

I'm here, so it's not just the girls.

There are no secrets in our group.

Nothing can come between...

(Bell rings)

Okay.

Farkle, I have the results...

Of my I.Q. And aptitude test?

I'm a genius, right? You know how I know? 'Cause I'm a genius.

It's not conceited when it's true. Right, Mr. Matthews?

I wouldn't know. I'm barely literate.

Your parents have given me permission to tell you that yes, you scored in the superior range.

And my aptitude test says I should consider a career in...

"Ruling the world."

Never seen that one. (Laughs)

The rest of the class falls within a more traditional range of careers.

Although, we did get one bunny farmer...

Riley: Yay.

...and "armpit sniffer #5" in a deodorant factory.

Maya: I got a job!

But I would expect there's going to be further testing, is that right, Ms. Oben?

Yes. When someone scores this high, the experts usually want to confirm the testing.

And then, more specialized schools with gifted programs, like Einstein Academy, might approach you.

Now, Farkle says...

I'd never leave my friends behind.

Who's a good genius?

I am!

One more thing, Farkle.

It's important not to react to your score in any way that might make your friends feel... inferior. Of less value. Like dum-dums.

We're talking about my daughter!

Whose fault is that?

(Theme music playing)

♪ I've been waiting ♪
♪ for a day ♪
♪ like this to come ♪
♪ struck like lightning ♪
♪ my heart's b*ating like a drum ♪
♪ on the edge ♪
♪ of something wonderful ♪
♪ face to face with changes ♪
♪ what's it all about? ♪
♪ Life is crazy ♪
♪ but I know ♪
♪ I can work it out ♪
♪ 'cause I got you ♪
♪ to live it with me ♪
♪ I feel all right ♪
♪ I'm gonna take on the world ♪
♪ light up the stars ♪
♪ I've got some pages to turn ♪
♪ I'm singing "go-o-o" ♪
♪ oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world. ♪


Welcome to our Farkle genius party.

I'm Stuart Minkus, the original genius, very proud to welcome my son to the club.

I'm sure his mother, who is unexceptional, would like to say a few words representing her people.

Yeah. I'm unexceptional.

Who does what I say?

Everybody.

Hi, Corey.

Nyah!

Stop it.

Look at her.

What? I like her now.

She's a lot less scary than she was in high school.

Uh-huh.

Are you not looking at her?

I hold in my hand the answer to the question that everyone's been asking.

Is Farkle a clone? A robot? Or a real boy?

Real boy, real boy, real boy, real boy.

This is the birth certificate of Farkle Minkus.

Real boy!

(Cheering)

Thanks for having me, mom.

Any time, kiddo.

You make me proud every day.

Stuart and I want to thank all of Farkle's friends who care about him.

You're all he ever talks about.

We hope you'll keep encouraging him to be as unique as he's always been.

The Minkuses have always been simple, incredibly rich people.

Please enjoy our party, and don't forget your complimentary penguin.

(Penguins squeak)

Hey, Minkus, great party.

Nice shirt. I don't care about any of that.

You married Jennifer Bassett. Did you know that?

We fell in love.

She told me.

Maya, when I rule the world, I'll give you half because you're my lovely fake wife.

Hey, I want some of that!

Yeah, Farkle, you love them equally.

Marry them both. Wouldn't that be the genius thing to do?

See why I keep you around! Make it happen, face.

Here we go.

Riley Matthews?

Yes.

Would you...

Absolutely.

...do me the honor...

Any time at all.

...of becoming...

Whatever you want.

...mrs...

Do you not understand "yes"?

...Farkle Minkus?

You're gonna be there, right?

A yes is a yes. Here's your ring.

Hey!

You get two penguins.

Okay.

Maya, marry us quick while she's still distracted by the sparkles.

Okay.

Blah, blah blah.

I do.

Blah, blah blah.

There it is.

What do you want?

If anyone has any reason why these two shouldn't be joined...

I object, yes.

Smackle.

You made it to the wedding, Smackle!

Still having trouble with the hugging thing, aren't you?

The average middle schooler spends nine minutes a day engaged in hugs.

Do you know what I accomplish in those nine minutes?

No.

Ask NASA.

Smackle, here to mock my recent membership into the genius club?

On the contrary, Farkle.

I welcome you with open arms.

My arms.

They are open.

What do you want me to do with that?

We are both geniuses now.

Yup. That makes us even more alike that we were.

And as we both know...

Like forces repel.

Yes, science says we may never be together.

And science never makes a mistake.

Really? Have you seen the blobfish?

Why, science? Why?

I'm here to ask you to consider transferring to Einstein Academy.

That's not happening.

Stop hitting on me.

Ha. Okay.

What would be the benefits of my going to Einstein?

To develop your magnificent brain so the world is not cheated of your full potential.

Are you suggesting that my dum-dums hold me back?

I am a blobfish.

Yeah... tell me more about Einstein Academy.

Farkle, what are you?

Genius. I'm on the board.

Wrong.

Riley, what are you?

Bunny farmer.

Wrong.

Then don't go into my room.

All these things that you guys have been told you are this week?

That's only a piece of what makes you an individual.

This I.Q. Test produces a number that puts you in a category.

A label.

Don't live under a label.

It just gets in the way of who you are.

But if you get called something enough, don't you start believing it?

Believe in what you contribute to others.

We expect great things from you, Farkle.

I'll try my best, sir.

But, I also expect great things from everybody else.

Remarkable people have I.Q.'s all across the board.

Everyone has great gifts, and everyone in this class has the potential to impact our world.

So just be yourself.

It's the only label that matters.

Mr. Matthews?

If it's all right with you, I need a moment with Farkle.

Okay. Farkle?

So, they did more testing on me.

How big a genius are you?

Riley, they're considering some behavioral traits in Farkle that warrant a more specific kind of testing.

What? They just noticed Farkle's a little farkly?

I could have told them that.

They want to see if I have autism.

You don't.

Let's go tell them you don't.

I might have a type of autism called Asperger's syndrome.

You don't.

What is it?

It's a disorder that affects a person's behavior.

Farkle, when I said that you were a little farkly, what I meant was...

Yeah, that you behave just like a perfectly normal Farkle.

You do.

We'll get the results from today's interview, and we'll know.

We know.

We don't know.

Guys, I've passed every single test I've ever taken.

He made us come right over.

He didn't want to go home, he didn't want to do anything except be with you.

Of course.

That's who he is.

I see it in my classroom every day.

The most important thing to him was that you're a part of this.

Because he's Farkle.

That's who you are, no matter what anybody says.

Could you please give us one of your wonderful little Riley pick-me-ups?

Whatever happens, at least you're in better shape that Maya.

Okay, that wasn't what I was going for, but sure, let's turn on me.

You think you got stuff?

Look at this! This is a bag of cats.

Okay there, little helper.

All right, this website lists symptoms of Asperger's.

Uh, the first one they mention is social awkwardness.

Check.

You don't do anything awkward.

Ha!

Well, that's just something you do and you're gonna stop doing that.

He's gonna stop doing that.

"Narrowed interests. Going on about a subject even if the people he's talking to don't have a shared interest."

Check.

Farkle, we're interested in everything you're interested in.

Belgium, 1831!

Stop doing that. He's gonna stop doing that.

Guys, whatever this is, I got it.

And I need you to let that be okay.

"Some people with Asperger's are uncomfortable being touched or receiving affection. They may struggle to fully understand emotion or love."

Check, check, checky-check, check.

Farkle, what are you talking about?

You love Riley and me since the day we met. You married us.

It wasn't real.

Oww.

But it's very sweet.

And it's all about emotions.

You guys are my best friends. Please promise me one thing.

Anything.

Please don't ever let me not understand love.

Nothing's ever been out of our control before.

We usually control everything with money and penguins.

(Laughing)

You guys are gonna get the results, and no matter what they say, you're gonna keep being the same great parents you've always been.

You'll figure this out.

You sure?

Of course, I'm sure, Stuart.

I mean, you are almost as smart as me.

Oh, thanks.
Jennifer, you're pretty strong.

Nothing stands a chance against you.

All my life, nothing's ever frightened me.

Then I had a child, and the thought of something happening to him frightens me every day.

No matter what they tell you, he's Farkle, and we love him.

Thanks for being here for us, guys.

Every day.

Would you guys be upset if I transferred to Einstein Academy?

Yes.

Would you still be my friends?

Boy, for someone who's gonna rule the world, you sure ask some dum-dum questions.

Farkle.

People who aren't Farkle.

Hey, Smackle.

Stop smothering me.

Okay.

Friends. Hugging.

I suppose this is all very important to people like you.

You love us, Smackle, you just don't know it yet.

Noted.

Farkle, I'm here to see how you enjoyed your tour of Einstein Academy.

You went?

He spent the day with us.

He fit.

And so will this.

How does it look?

I'm swooning.

Perhaps we could indulge in our established ritual of sharing a smoothie?

Thanks, but I'm not really thirsty right now.

Nor am I really interested in the consumption of a frozen treat...

What are you doing? What is she doing?

Who do we call?

I believe she's winking at me.

How do you like it?

Yeah, let's see it with one eye.

Two, yes, two eyes.

Please, don't...

Why don't I get us a table outside?

Farkle, Isadora Smackle loves you!

But I'm loyal to both of you.

Well, your two fake wives want you to spend time with one real Smackle.

Go get 'em, tiger.

Why are you doing this?

Did you ask us to help you understand love?

Yeah.

Then go figure it out.

Yeah, we heard you're a genius.

It feels strange to be together not in a spelling bee, or something.

Well, I am more comfortable saying things in spelling bees.

Like you in that blazer: Hunk.

H-u-n-k. Hunk.

Uh, could you use that in a sentence, please?

You look great in that blazer, hunk.

This is new.

New is interesting.

What else is new?

My blazer is new.

Me being called a hunk is new.

I may have a form of autism.

Really?

Asperger's syndrome.

This may be too much for you.

I understand if you wish to leave.

I would never leave.

This doesn't scare you?

Not at all.

May I tell you that it scares me?

You are holding my hand.

Is that okay?

It's the hunk move.

Thank you, Isadora.

For what?

For liking me for whatever I am.

(Bell rings)

Farkle.

Hello, Smackle.

You observed me in my natural habitat, so I asked Mr. Matthews if I could observe you in Mediocreville.

I hope that's not offensive.

Of course, it is.

I have no remorse.

Glad you could join us, Smackle.

Lucas, you have to stop.

It's never gonna happen.

Lucas, take a hint.

Wow.

Farkle may we speak privately?

There's no need, Ms. Oben. I understand what I have.

I'll be fine.

Well, I understand I'm talking to a genius, but I don't think you understand at all.

I've spoken with your parents and they're okay if we have a conversation.

Farkle time?

Absolutely.

Asperger's syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder.

A.S.D.

This is a pretty complicated label, so I wanna explain it to you.

People with a.S.D. Can fall anywhere on a spectrum of different behaviors.

They talked to me for a long time.

And you know what?

I don't have Asperger's.

But they also said they don't know what to make of me.

And I like that.

So, what am I?

I'm Farkle! Thank you.

We're all a unique collection of atoms, and there's only one of each of us.

The only label you should wear is your name.

Let your actions define you.

Because there's another spectrum.

How you live your life, what you do with whatever you're given.

How you treat the other people around you.

These are your actions.

This is your name.

That's who you are.

Thanks for the way you treat me.

And thanks for studying all of it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You guys studied?

Hey, our friend was worried about something.

So, we learned about it.

If I knew it was studying, I wouldn't have done it.

Ms. Smackle?

I believed that Farkle would be better off attending Einstein Academy.

Observing him in your inferior class was to be my proof.

Don't hold back, smack, just say what's on your mind.

My findings are contradictory to my hypothesis.

Also, please talk down to us.

This class teaches lessons you cannot find in a textbook.

There are friendships here that can't be created in a laboratory.

Farkle, you are where you belong.

I, on the other hand, should leave.

Hey, remember when we were in high school, and you thought I was a monster just because I was bigger and different than everybody, and I handcuffed Shawn to a boathouse?

Yeah.

Well, it never mattered what people said about me.

I've always been comfortable with myself no matter what anybody else called me.

I think that's a good way to go through life, monster.

Even if Farkle had been diagnosed with something, it never would have changed how much we love him.

Or each other.

Thank you for my son.

Thank you for marrying me.

Yeah, well, you told me to.

Hey, guys, we appreciate you going through this with us.

Yeah, that's what friends do.

Hey, monster?

Yeah?

You don't scare me anymore.

I'm okay.

I will go though life alone.

Isadora, you haven't lost Farkle.

He doesn't want me now.

Why?

Because he doesn't have Asperger's...

Like you?

How did you know?

We studied.

We're studiers.

She made me.

I was diagnosed when I was five years old.

I... struggle with it.

Isadora, I don't think there's anybody we respect more than you.

I'm not like everybody else.

But who wants that?

The strangest thing is that I feel so comfortable with Farkle.

But he's not quite like me anymore.

But I thought that's what you guys always wanted.

You were like forces and like forces repel.

Yeah, Smackle.

Science dictates that you guys can be together now.

You think he knows that?

Ladies!

Farkle, my arch Nemesis.

Smackle, my arch Nemesis.

Riley, Maya, my wives who I will adore forever.

I want a divorce. Make it a double.

This is the longest relationship I've ever had.

You will love again, Riley.

Oh, I'm gonna leave you twos alone now.

Isadora, I'm a single man now.

Farkle, before we continue, there's something I need to tell you.

I have...

I know you do.

I also know you showed me understanding and compassion.

Of course.

Please, let me do the same.

May I hug you?

Yes.

I don't like this at all.

I know.

Don't stop.

Okay.

These are my friends, Isadora.

They like me for who I am.

They make me feel like I could rule the world.

Yeah, so forget trying to steal Farkle over to Einstein.

You come to John Quincy Adams.

What would be the benefits?

You would have good friends here.

But, I'm not good at that.

Yeah, but...

We are.

Maybe if you were in a place where you had some good friends...

You wouldn't struggle as much.

People change people.

Secret of life.

You just won't give up, will you?

Nope.

Looks good on you, though, Smackle.

Okay. I have a question for everybody, and I want you guys to answer as honestly as you can.

Who here is normal?

And who here wants to be?

Good.
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