01x02 - Friends

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Casual...

He was so blessed to have kids like you.

You use your own dating site?

I wrote the matching algorithm.

Are you his date?

Yeah.

Hayden: Okay, that's his sister, and they were sh*t-talking us back here.

I want full custody.

Where are you two going to live?

Valerie: With Alex.

Emile: It's just weird, you all living in this house together.

Do you want to have sex or not?

Uh, we're heading out.

Okay.

You ever online date?

To the men of Snooger.com, you are the ideal 36-year-old woman.

You want to stop thinking about Drew, go be with somebody.

I'm Valerie.

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

Um, I, um...

I think I should...

Okay.

[clears throat]

♪ ♪

Morning! Breakfast is almost up.

[Alex murmuring]

Alex: All right.

We're out of buttermilk.

Also, one of these got stuck in the griddle, but that's fine. I can eat it.

They're just better with buttermilk, which is surprising 'cause buttermilk's disgusting.

But when it comes to batter, there's just no substitute.

So you're over in Silver Lake, right, Leon?

Uh, how'd you know that?

You left your wallet on the counter.

Also, your AAA card is expired.

Oh.

I've thought about moving east, but traffic's such a pain.

Alex: Morning, Val. Just in time.

Get 'em while they're hot.

Alex: Mmm, mmm.

Oh, my God. That is good.

Alex, can I talk to you for a second?

I like him.

What the f*ck is wrong with you?

Um, lots of things.

You invited him to breakfast?

Yeah, I wanted to make waffles.

Oh, my God.

Don't you think you should have asked me first?

Oh, my God. It's fine. He's cool.

He's a one-night stand.

Good review for King Lear at The Broad.

You, uh, like theater?

No.

You just seem uncomfortable.

I thought I should say something.

So your, um, mom and your uncle...

Yeah, regular Bonnie and Clyde.

They're... close?

Yeah.

It's actually pretty normal.

Except when they shower together.

Leon, I'm f*cking with you.

Hey, come on, Laura. Let's go.

We're always late for school.

Uh, no, don't get up.

Just... finish your waffle.

Alex can see you out.

Okay, um, I'll, um... call you?

Uh, uh... okay, great.

[door closes]

Well, she's in a mood. Can you pass the syrup?

[soft music]

♪ ♪

I'm sorry you had to see that.

What? The strange man at the breakfast table?

It was a lapse in judgment, and I reacted poorly.

I'm sorry.

I'm okay if you're okay.

Okay.

So how was he?

Hmm?

First times can be awkward.

He seemed awkward.

Uh, does that seem like an appropriate question for me?

You asked me after Emile and my first time.

Yeah, that's different.

If you say so.

♪ ♪

Seemed like he was holding something back.

Like he was unable to engage, which can happen sometimes with new partners.

You psychoanalyzed him like he was one of your patients?

I did not.

Sounds like attachment issues.

Well, that's your words, not mine.

Definitely attachment issues.

[sighs]

Hey, I'm getting a latte. You want anything?

My brother made breakfast for my one-night stand.

Oh.

You should be upset.

I-I-I am.

Anyway, I-I'm fine.

I'm fine. It's fine.

I'm just gonna... I just need to distract myself and go for a jog or something.

Jogging is sad.

Go spinning.

Spinning?

[scoffs] It's the best.

One girl I ride with, Rachel, she got divorced, started spinning, and now she's gonna ride up Mount Everest.

I think that's impossible.

Right?

It totally changes your mind-set.

Also, after I ride, I can drink guilt-free with my friends... who you should totally come meet tonight.

Oh, that's very, very sweet but unnecessary.

No, I'm serious. They've been asking about you.

They have?

Duh!

You're, like, this woman who knows things.

I talk about you all the time.

Come on. It'll be fun.

Yeah, I mean, I guess I could do that.

Great.

And don't worry about your brother.

I'm sure he means well.

I'm not sure what he means.

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

[groans]

♪ ♪

Uh, can I ask you something... about your sister?

Sorry if that's inappropriate.

It is, but I don't care.

Uh, should I call her?

Yeah, so the thing with Val is, her ex-husband is a colossal douche wagon and she's just now getting back into the dating scene.

Douche wagon?

Yeah, like a douche canoe but worse.

Right.

Anyway.

It's great that she's dating 'cause she's great, but it's also kind of tough because she's not looking for anything serious.

I see.

Yeah.

You gotta differentiate between the one-night stands and the relationships, Leon. That's key.

And what if I don't want a one-night stand?

Uh... okay.

Um, well, you find the middle ground.

Hookups without emotional investment.

You actually do that?

I invented a website for its express purpose.

So if I call Val...

She'll shut you out, make you a one-off.

But if I don't, then...

She'll get lonely, have a few drinks, text you.

Once you get that second night, the doors are open.

And in the meantime?

Meet some other girls, date around.

[scoffs]

[sighs]

What?

Ah, no, nothing.

Talk to me, Leon.

[chuckles] I barely know you.

You had sex with my sister. I made you breakfast.

Okay, uh... the thing is, uh...

[sighs]

That I've been in a kind of a dry spell.

Mm-hmm. Define dry.

Ten months.

Wow. Post breakup?

Uh, dated for three years, engaged for another.

A month before the wedding, I found tapes.

Tapes? Like VHS?

Yup.

A collection of all the men and women she'd ever been with up to and including the time that we were together.

Whoa.

Who even has a VCR?

She does.

[chuckles]

What are you doing tonight?

Um...

[percussive music]

♪ ♪

[school bell rings]

♪ ♪

Michael: Laura.

Um, that picture of the hangers in there, that's... that's yours, right?

Mm-hmm.

It's, um, it's interesting.

But the focus is off.

I know.

I can't... I can't seem to get it right.

What do you got there?

A Nikon FG.

Okay, any other lenses?

Let's see.

♪ ♪

Ah, the pressure plate may be misaligned.

That sounds ominous.

It should be easy enough to fix.

Why don't you stay after school someday?

I'll show you how it works.

Really?

Yeah, sure.

You've got a good eye.

But if your photos are soft, no one's ever gonna be able to see it.

Thank you, Michael.

♪ ♪

Mia: Oh, finally. Where were you?

Michael Carr is sexy.

Kristen Moore's mom sure thought so.

He did not f*ck Kristen Moore's mom.

Yeah, that was Jessie Caughlin.

Carr had an affair with Ms. Hastings.

That's why she resigned.

The whole faculty is depraved.

They're like Eyes Wide Shut on minimum wage.

I don't buy the Hastings rumor, okay?

She's illiterate, and he's... sophisticated.

Sophisticated?

Your boyfriend's a cock with legs.

Don't be jealous.

Jealous?

You're the one with the kiddie crush.

[scoffs] Shut up.

[electronic dance music]

♪ ♪

Hey, m*therf*ckers!

(class) Hey, Marianne.

Any first-timers out there?

♪ ♪

What's your name?

Um, Valerie.

What's your name, honey?

My name is Valerie!

Well, thanks for joining us on our journey, Valerie.

Now, we all ride together, so if you need anything, just raise your little hand, and I'll come on over, okay?

Okay, thank you.

All right.

♪ ♪

Now close your eyes.

Set an intention.

Why are you here?

To forget about something at home?

To prove to that guy that he made a mistake?

Prick!

Or maybe just to sweat.

Whatever your reason, know that we are all working together to achieve it.

♪ ♪

Okay?

Let's find the b*at!

♪ ♪

Whoo! Yeah!

♪ ♪

Whoo!

Yes, I can feel it!

♪ ♪

Whoa. What happened to you?

Spinning.

Ugh. Beauty cult.

Oh, you should see the locker room.

It's like animals presenting.

Hey, how'd last night go?

Oh... uh, we didn't do anything.

He started to touch me, and I freaked out, and then we just laid next to each other in total silence the rest of the night.

Couldn't sleep. Couldn't move.

Huh.

Did he say anything after I left?

No. I think he was embarrassed.

He won't be coming around.

Okay.

You all right?

Yeah.

I'm going out with some 20-something girls.

I'm sure that'll help.

Always helps me.

Alex: Skye!

Hey.

What's up?

This is my friend 'Lenore.

This is Leon.

Uh, pleasure.

Drinks!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[laughter]

[gasps] Ahh!

Oh, my God! You made it!

Leia: Val, this is Janie and Allison.

(both) Hi.

Hi.

[giggles]

James, you are literally a mind reader.

Whoo! Cheers to the guys who f*ck us over.

Sucked in bed, thank God we weren't sober.

[laughter]

♪ ♪

[women grunting]

[exhales] Oh.

Could have used that in the last years of my marriage.

Oh, vodka is like a universal cure-all.

It works on bug bites.

Hey, can I ask you something?

Uh, okay.

Um... how did you get where you are?

Um... well, through a long chain of self-destructive choices that led to the dissolution of a loveless marriage.

Oh... I meant, like, with your job.

You're super successful.

Oh.

Sorry.

Um, we... you know, I just...

I just worked hard, and when I had the chance to have a practice, I took it.

And, yeah, just a lot of that, being in the right place at the right time.

Stuff like that.

Cool.

♪ ♪

[ Bad, Bad, Bad by Heems]

♪ ♪

I don't want to stay too long, okay?

Whatever. They're your friends.

Just don't leave me.

♪ Hello I'm Heems ♪
♪ I'm at least a compelling dude ♪
♪ Telling you my hellish views ♪
♪ Of life as a Telugu ♪

Mia: Laura! Baby.

Where the f*ck were you?

Emile's.

What were you doing?

You guys were f*cking, weren't you?

Aah! Come on.

Let's go.

We're having the best night.

♪ We friends we all wack ♪
♪ Shouts to Small Black ♪
♪ All y'all could fall back ♪

We're going swimming.

Oh, I'm okay.

What? No, you have to.

The water feels so good.

Just rolls over you.

I don't know how to describe it.

Like a wave?

(both) A wave.

Uh, no, I'm just gonna go sit over there and pretend like I'm having fun.

[laughter]

♪ ♪

[phone vibrates]

[electronic pop music]

He's doing okay, right?

Skye: He seems fine.

Alex: Cool.

He needs this.

How do you two know each other?

We met last night.

He hooked up with my sister.

At least he tried to.

Wasn't she married?

She was, yeah, but she's trying to get back in the scene.

Maybe you can teach her a thing or two.

(boy) Yes! Level up!

You got this, little froggie!

This kid is so happy. How can anyone be that happy?

Maybe he had a pet frog.

Yeah, or maybe his dad's a truck driver who abandoned him and his mom at an early age, and this is some weird kind of sublimation therapy.

What are you talking about?

Bad parenting.

Oh.

How's your mom?

She's fine.

Still emotionally blackmailing you for not coming to Thanksgiving?

How do you remember that?

That was, like, a year ago.

Yeah, you were really upset by it.

You came over every night that week.

Yeah, and then you stopped calling me.

Yeah. It's tough around the holidays.

So many distractions.

[laughter]

Leia: Nicely done.

What?

You totally eye-f*cked James.

The waiter?

She eye-f*cked him to completion.

I did not have sex with his eyes.

He's probably in the back washing his face off right now.

Go talk to him.

Stop.

This is how it works out here in the wild.

He's a child.

Only on the inside.

Did you see his arms?

Guys my age love women your age.

Oh, so you want me to prey on his mommy complex?

I want you to ride him into his 20s.

[giggles]

What do I even say?

[hip-hop music plays]

♪ ♪

You're, like, the prettiest girl at this party.

Really?

You want to go upstairs?

♪ ♪

[laid-back rock music plays]

♪ ♪

Excuse me.

Oh, hey.

Um, I need to ask you something.

Okay.

Um...

What time do you... get off?

♪ ♪

[chuckles]

♪ ♪

Did you get his number?

Oh! It's an address!

Oh, my God!

Oh!

I am so proud of you.

Oh!

Cheers!

Cheers!

Get it in.

[hip-hop music plays]

♪ ♪

[siren wails]

Cops! Hey, guys, cops in here! Let's go!

All right, party's over! Let's go!

Everybody get home! Let's go!

Get home.

I don't care where you go, but you gotta get out of here.

Let's go! Move it!

Let's go, get out of here.

Who's the homeowner?

Uh, in this economy? Probably the bank.

Are you trying to be a smartass?

You asked.

How old are you?

♪ ♪

16.

[pop music plays]

♪ ♪

What are you doing over here?

♪ ♪

Oh, what the f*ck?

I don't know. Maybe I'm just not her type.

Don't say that. You're everybody's type.

Relax. She's just getting some coke.

Like... cocaine?

Yes, that coke.

♪ ♪

This is a bad idea.

At first, I felt the same, but sometimes the best idea needs to be a bad idea.

I'm not comfortable with this.

That's exactly why we need to get you high.

You need confidence, and cocaine is nature's ego boost.

I-I-I don't think it's natural.

Of course it is. It's made from plants.

Stop. Look at 'Lenore.

Have you ever hooked up with someone covered in tattoos?

No.

It's a transformative experience.

It's like f*cking a museum.

Okay? You with me?

I'm gonna regret this either way.

You know, I am really starting to like you.

Yeah, that's what scares me.

Let's go get you a bump.

♪ ♪

Hi. You're the cocaine guy?

It's cool. They're with me.

I've never actually done this before.

Do I buy it by the bag?

Do I need to sniff some off your switchblade?

It's 100 a gram.

Okay, great.

I will take 1 gram of your finest cocaine.

Oh, screw it. I'll go half.

Leon!

My man!

Here you go.

Oh, f*ck.

Turn around, dumb-ass.

Um...

♪ ♪

[chuckles]

Um...

Oh, hey.

[sports announcer speaking in background]

Valerie: Uh...

Oh, you have company.

Yeah, that's my roommates.

Uh, that's Mike, his girlfriend, Callie, and Pat.

Oh, do you want to hit this?

Oh, no, thank you.

Beer?

Sure.

I mean... [clears throat]

Not that I... not that I have a problem with it.

I mean, actually, marijuana has been shown to relieve stress in cases of clinical anxiety.

Yeah. Okay.

Wouldn't a spoon be easier?

Boog took all the spoons.

Oh... that's funny.

We've been having this prank w*r for, like, two years.

Uh, so you want to go?

Nice to meet you.

[clears throat]

[sighs]

Sorry. Is this okay?

Yeah.

Why wouldn't it be?

[giggles]

You're giggling?

I know. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. It's just I, um...

[laughs]

Feel like... I just... I feel like I'm in high school again.

You know, I have a plaid skirt in my closet.

Do you wanna put that on?

[laughs]

Take this off.

[cell phone rings]

Uh, sorry.

Ignore it, ignore it.

I just... um, you can't.

You can't when you, um... have kids.

Yeah?

Wait. You what?

Yes.

No, okay. Yes, of course.

Just don't... don't say anything, okay?

No. Not a word.

I'm so sorry. It's, um... my daughter.

She... sorry, one second.

[cell phone rings]

Yeah, I'm coming right now.

You what?

Mom's gonna be so pissed.

It's fine.

You're allowed to mess up once in your life.

I think Emile might be cheating on me.

You okay?

I don't know.

He was in a room with another girl.

I didn't see anything, but...

f*ck him.

You can do better.

And he sucks at guitar.

Right?

Yeah.

You're grounded.

What?

I think she was talking to me.

Oh, still.

Leon: Hi, Valerie.

[mouths words]

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

I had, um, fun tonight... uh, last night... with, um... both of you.

♪ ♪

Okay, Leon.

♪ ♪

Val, I'm sorry.

Don't. Just don't.

Good night, Alex.

Good night, Laura.

Thanks.

Thanks?

For being a bigger f*ck-up than I am.

[scoffs]