01x02 - Doubles

[bunniefuu]

What? No way.

Why not?

Because he's a d*ck.

Barry is harmless, and it's really good money.

I don't care.

How good?

$75 for, like, three hours of work, which is way more than I make in a whole day at the club.

I don't know.

I just thought that you'd be more into the idea, you know?

I mean, you're the one who spent all last summer saving up to buy a video camera instead of a car like most guys.

Which I like, I really do... not the part about you not having a car, but the part about you not being like most guys.

I think this thing with Barry could be really good for you.

I mean, you are so smart, and you are so creative.

And who knows where it could lead, right?

Like, today, yes, weddings, and tomorrow? Corporate events.

So just promise me that you'll talk to Barry about it.

Okay.

Thank you.

[horn honks]

♪ I need a bottle ♪

$2,800.

[chatter over radio]

For this price we could have spent a week in Aruba.

[radio off]

Listen, you're alive.

I don't know how we're going to pay for it.

For your next heart att*ck, you can go to Aruba?

I'll tell you one way we could cut corners.

They're never not fighting. It's amazing.

Important it is to me.

Come here, come here.

I...

Come here.

Seriously.

Give your old man a hand.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, honey.

Hi, Mr. Myers.

Hey.

Hey, who else is hungry for waffles, huh?

Ignore him.

Waffles!

Not pancakes. Waffles.

You know, fine. Eat whatever you want.

Drop dead. See if I care.

Sweetheart, do me a favor.

When you get married, don't become a nag.

[chuckle]

Come on.

You okay?

Good. You good?

Yeah. I could have used two more days in the hospital.

That would have been a vacation.

That would have been nice.

♪ Shine 'em up ♪
♪ Shine 'em up ♪

All right, I'm havin' a good day today.

Nasser.

Skip.

Ah, Mr. Getty.

Nasser. Oh...

You're wasting your time with the ponies.

It's the stock market you should be playing.

Oh?

Dow's taking off like a rocket.

Like the f*cking space shuttle.

Nobody knows how high it's going to go.

Oh, it's going to break 1500 by year's end.

You mark my words.

You got any hot stock tips?

Uhh.

Three cr*ck.

Don't you dare pick it up.

I'll never talk to you again.

[laughter]

That might be a blessing.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, ladies, picture day.

Oh, we love picture day.

Who's going to be on the cover of this newsletter?

There's one way to get on the cover.

You got to show me a little skin.

I'm the mahjong maven.

Uh, but I'm going to be the cover girl.

Hey, hey, can I talk to you a minute?

Tick-tock.

Karen says you're looking to hire someone to help video weddings.

And bar mitzvahs, the occasional bris.

Of course, those are just for starters.

I'm building my business.

I got a five year plan. Why do you ask?

Because I'm pretty good with a camcorder.

And I'm interested.

You got a reel?

Huh?

You got a reel of your work?

Uh, not really, just a few old Super 8 films I made back in high school.

I've been talking to a guy who's in a band about making a rock video, but we haven't gotten around to doing it yet.

Well, get around to it, and then you and I can parlay.

Capisce?

West?

Ooh. This is where the action is.

Hiya, girls.

And I'm jokerless.

Mm. Now, that's a Caesar.

Ah, yes.

Bears and bulls, the two strongest animals.

You invest?

A man would be a fool not to, the way this market has taken off.

Mark my words, boychik. By the end of the year, the Dow will have hit 1500 points, and when that happens...

What happens?

I don't know.

But you can bet that whatever it is, it'll be glorious.

Get a white wine spritzer.

Hey. I got to book a few hours with you later.

Excuse me?

6:00 at my home.

I assume you have some sort of transportation, you got a skateboard, pogo stick, big boy bike.

Sure, yeah, I do, but, uh...

Okay, then. Terrific. There's the address.

Don't be late. We got to be done by 9, and my associate's got to get back into the city.

Uh, Mr. Getty?

Sorry. I'm confused.

What exactly am I doing in your home?

We're going to watch "Falcon Crest" and whack each other off.

We're playing doubles.

Do you have plans?

Just going to hang out with my girlfriend.

Well, now you're not. Make it up to her.

Heh. That putz.

My hearing aid battery must be going.

Of course, it sounded like he ordered a wine spritzer.

He did.

Oh.

Was he recovering from a hysterectomy?

[laughing]

My name's Herb, by the way.

David.

David. Nice to meet you.

Shall we go for a drink?

Sure.

Come on.

[toilet flushes]

Ohh!

Nash.

Good morning, gentlemen.

Ah, enjoying the breakfast of champions, I see.

Do you want a b*mb?

No, thank you.

I've got to teach a children's clinic.

Although I do have to teach a children's clinic.

No. I've got to teach a children's clinic.

Children are our future.

[sniff]

Mm-mm!

Yeah!

So what do you do when you're not teaching tennis?

I go to NYU.

Oh. What are you studying?

I haven't declared a major yet.

Mostly I've been taking accounting classes.

Why accounting?

Thanks. Well, my dad says the only two things in life that are certain are death and taxes, so if I want job security, I should become a mortician or a CPA.

[chuckle] He's not wrong.

I don't know. I just wish my accounting classes didn't put me to sleep.

You know what my dad wanted me to be?

What?

A proctologist.

What did you end up becoming?

A proctologist.

I hated every day of it.

I couldn't wait to retire.

I longed for the day when I could stop staring up assholes.

♪ I've got a long night ahead of me ♪

Hey, Misty.

Hey.

I have a question to ask you.

Okay.

What are you doing at 5:45?

I'm getting off work.

Would you like to meet me at the golf cart parking garage?

I have a little surprise planned.

What is it?

That's for me to know and for you to find out.

Man: There you go.

Getty: Almost prompt.

Hey. This is a beautiful place.

[scoffs] Yeah.

What are you... Are you wearing a club shirt?

Uh, yeah. Well, I came straight from work.

Did you bring a change of clothes?

I did.

Well, go put them on in the pool house.

And hurry up 'cause they're going to be here any second.

Okay.

Don't f*ck up the grass!

Can you lift that?

A little higher. Good boy.

[door opens]

I'm sorry. Uh, you're, uh...

I didn't know y... y... you... that you were...

What are you doing in here?

Your dad told me to change, so...

Well, don't let me stop you.

Can I have some privacy?

No.

Well, um, could you hand me my bag, please?

Thanks.

You have an interesting body.

Thanks.

That was an observation, not a compliment.

Your stuff reminds me a little of Alice Neel's.

[laughing]

I see someone has taken an art history class.

Uh-huh. Freshman year.

As it so happens, I, uh, I am a big Alice Neel fan.

Her portraits are so feral.

She does... Ah, she has this great one of Jackie Curtis. He's the cross-dresser from...

Lou Reed's "Walk On the Wild Side."

Yeah, it's amazing.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a good one.

It is a good one.

Yeah.

Well, they taught you a lot in that class.

Yeah. Uh, I should... I should go.

You're getting your money's worth. Sure.

Have fun with my father.

Tha... Uh, thanks. You, too, with your paintings of dicks.

Hey, foxy.

Hi.

Brought you an Orange Julius.

That was really sweet of you. You didn't have to do that.

Full day's supply of vitamin C.

Well, thanks.

Mm. This is really good.

Yeah. Yum-yummy in that tummy, huh?

[camera shutter clicks]

What are you doing?

Taking pictures for the newsletter.

No, no, no. No, no. Not of me, please.

I am so gross and sweaty. I... No.

Yeah, you are. You're perfect.

Come on. Hold that pose.

[click]

Pout your bottom lip out more.

What, like this?

[click]

Yeah, just like that.

[click]

"Georgeous."

Hey.

Hey.

Nice wheels.

For the next half hour, it's yours, my lady.

What?

Today is the day you finally learn to parallel park.

It's really nothing super fancy.

I just prepared an instructional simulation, using these battery-powered vehicles. No big deal.

You look amazing, like, better than the last time I saw you an hour ago.

Are you high?

Not yet.

Don't be afraid.

Fear is just an illusion.

The greatest of all, according to Lao Tzu of the Tao Te Ching.

What are you talking about?

I can't believe I'm doing this.

What's that song you're listening to?

That "Money For Nothing And Your Chick's For Free"?

Love that.

Right?

There you go.

Not too bad.

Hey. Come on. I want you to meet my associate Martin Van Deen. This is his son... Brett.

Brett.

It's my nephew David.

Martin: Visiting for the summer?

Uh, David's interning at my firm.

Is that right?

You bet.

What do you think of the trading desk?

Huh?

Yeah.

It's been, uh, intense.

First time at a trading desk is worse than rushing my fraternity.

Oh, yeah.

All right, gentlemen, what do you say we get started?

You're on.

All right?

Let's go.

Nephew?

Just go with it.

How much money is riding on this?

Excuse me?

If I'm going to be an accomplice to hustling these guys, I'd like to know how much we're taking them for.

Listen to me, you little pisher.

I made seven figures last year.

I don't have to hustle anybody.

We play for a case of Bordeaux and bragging rights. That's it.

We never play for money. We have scruples.

This isn't golf. Just... Just play.

assh*le.

♪ Take time for your pleasure ♪
♪ And laugh with love ♪
♪ Take the hand of another ♪
♪ And sing for the wings of a dove ♪
♪ Whoa, whoa ♪

It's like riding a big black stallion.

You got to ride with soft eyes.

Don't grip the wheel so hard.

Get up there. Show some f*cking balls.

Yeah!

♪ Look up at the rooftops ♪
♪ When you're walking 'round ♪
♪ Don't think for a moment ♪
♪ Of looking down ♪
♪ Whoa, whoa ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ For the wings of a dove ♪

Don't think so much.

Ow!

Whoa-ho-ho!

All right, all right.

Scary move.

Lights, cameras, actions.

Oh!

♪ Look up at the rooftops ♪

Keep your f*cking racquet up.

♪ When you're walking 'round ♪
♪ Don't think for a moment ♪
♪ Of looking down ♪
♪ Oflooking things up ♪
♪ When we looked around ♪
♪ The kids with the angles ♪

Aah! God damn it!

Sorry, pal.

Nice.

Jesus Christ, that serve of yours.

Thank you.

That nearly k*lled me out there.

You fellas got time for a drink?

Well, a quickie.

All right.

Come here. You're my brother Marvin's kid.

You live outside Philly.

Your old man's always been a disappointment, so you kind of look up to me as a father figure.

Have one drink, make an excuse, and then go.

You got it?

Yeah.

All right. Hey, fellas, I got to show you something.

Do you like Matisse?

Uh, who's Matisse?

I think you're ready to try it in the real world.

What do you say? Travel to Hoboken, find a side street to practice.

You mean like tonight?

Like right now.

Oh. Yeah. Uh, no. I... I can't.

I... You know Steve, he has band practice, and he likes me to be there, so...

That's cool. Are they any good?

Um...

I don't think you'd be into them.

Really?

I'm not even sure I'm into them.

Who am I kidding?

What kind of music are you into?

Like... all kinds, I think.

Yeah. I don't know. Whatever's on.

Do you like Roxy music?

I don't know. Who's that?

Are you kidding? Roxy music.

Who?

Don't go anywhere, okay?

Okay.

What, this is good?

One of the best ever recorded.

Roxy music. Okay.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

I should go now.

Okay.

Thanks again.

Okay.

Martin: Where are you going to school?

NYU.

What are you studying?

Accounting.

Uh, finance.

Uh, yeah. Accounting and finance.

Yeah, he's double majoring.

Impressive.

Brett, here, going to Wharton in the fall.

Good for you.

Yeah.

Sweetheart, what, uh, what are you doing here?

I thought you were out with Mommy.

I got bored and left her at the mall.

Oh. Oh.

How was your game?

We got creamed.

Your cousin here has a wicked serve.

He's got the eye of the tiger.

Hey, cuz.

That's it. He's like, uh, he's like Billie Jean King out there.

Um, hello.

Uh, you know what, sweetie?

Would you mind? Will you fix us up some cheese and crackers or something?

Corn chips or something? Pretzels?

I'd get them myself, but I'm already sitting down.

Okay.

Thank you.

I'm going to give my cousin a hand.

Okay. That's a good idea.

His father's my older brother Marvin.

Bit of a putz.

Let me guess.

My father told them that you are his nephew in order to disguise the fact that you're actually a ringer.

Uh, something like that.

And you agreed to this?

Hey, what choice do I have? He could have me fired.

Plus, the money's good.

What's he paying you?

50 an hour.

You shouldn't settle for any less than 100.

Tell that to your dad.

No.

You're going to.

Don't you see?

You've got him by the balls, and all you got to do now is squeeze.

You know what I'm not a fan of?

Change. I don't like it.

At this point, let's leave every...

Morals.

Let's leave it how we have it.

Mmm-hmm. Right?

I like what we've got now.

Why does everything have to change?

You make a good point.

I'm gonna bring it up at the next meeting.

Let's leave everything as it is.

[laughing]

Pull up the ladder, baby.

Hey, can I talk to you a second?

Do you see we're in the middle of something here?

No, you know what? I got to go to the john anyhow.

God bless the Cubans. Jesus.

What?

I want a hundred an hour, not 50.

I beg your pardon?

My fee?

Yeah.

I want a hundred.

What do you mean, 100? You agreed. We agree...

Yeah, to be your doubles partner, not your nephew.

Oh, so it's more to be my nephew?

I didn't realize that.

What the hell do you care?

You're never going to see Marty or his smiling kid again.

I... Well, I don't like lying.

Hmm.

But you're okay with extortion.

100 is fair.

But shortsighted.

What do you mean?

Well, you could have left here tonight with something a lot more valuable: me owing you a favor.

You take it.

Take the money.

Happy?

♪ ♪
♪ Sex flu, got me scratchin' the itch ♪
♪ Sex flu, like a son of a bitch ♪
♪ Sex flu, feel my temperature rise ♪
♪ In between your thighs ♪
♪ ♪ [heavy metal guitar]

♪ ♪ [feeback]

[guitar stops]

Yeah.

It was nice. It was tight.

Gentlemen, this was very nice.

Zack, you have B.O. Get the f*ck out of my driveway.

Hey, how did we sound?

Awesome.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah? Awesome?

What are you doing?

Oh, come on.

You know how wound up I get after band practice.

Okay.

Can I pick the music?

Okay, yeah, sure, whatever.

♪ ♪ [Roxy Music]

♪ Now the party's over ♪
♪ Now's the time we can... ♪

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Time to...

♪ f*ck ♪
♪ Much communication ♪
♪ And emotion ♪
♪ Without conversation ♪
♪ Or a notion ♪
♪ Avalon ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

Hey, kiddo.

Hey. What are you doing?

Just enjoying the nice night.

You were sneaking a cigarette, weren't you?

Don't tell your mom.

So where you coming from?

The club president's house.

He hired me to play doubles against some business associates.

Getty's got a tennis court?

I don't even know why he needs to belong to Red Oaks.

For the contacts. He doesn't worry about dues.

A guy like that, he wipes his ass with that kind of money.

And not every deal is done in a boardroom.

Do it on a golf course or over martinis.

And it's a write-off.

Hey, look who's coming.

How much he pay you?

300 bucks.

$300.

Oh, well, I hope you're saving most of it because you never know when life is going to throw you a curveball.

I swear, one day you're riding high, next day... you're looking at a $2,800 hospital bill.

Don't worry, Dad. I'm saving.

Hi, Mr. Myers.

Hey, look at you.

You're a vision in denim.

Don't be a dummy. Marry this girl.

Oh, hi, kids. I'm glad you're here.

Well, supper's ready, so come on in.

What are we having?

Uh, cottage cheese and salad.

Great, great. Do me a favor.

Put a dollop of cyanide on that, will you, please?

Hey, uh, by the way, I talked to Barry about the job.

Oh, you did?

Yeah. He didn't hire me yet.

He needs to see some of my work.

I think I'm going to talk to Steve LeFevre about, you know, maybe making a music video for his band.

Awesome.

Uh, can I tell you something and you promise you won't get mad?

So I was talking to Barry, you know, about modeling, and, um, he says that I have a look that he thinks that magazine editors would really go for.

He said that, uh, he'd help me put together a portfolio and meet people if that was something that I'd be interested in.

And are you? Interested?

Well, I wanted to talk to you about it first, so...

That could be great.

Really?

I mean, yeah.

How amazing would it be to live in the city, riding the subway everywhere, eating Indian food, seeing Éric Rohmer movies in an actual theater?

I mean, it would be amazing.

I don't want to live in the city.

I mean, my school's out here, you know, and all of our families and our friends, and the city's really gross.

How are you going to pursue a modeling career from the burbs?

You need to be...

I don't want a real modeling career.

It's just something to do on the side while I'm finishing my RN.

You know Annika from my school? She's the tall one.

Okay, well, she made $200 last month for a J.C. Penney circular, and I guess she's in the running for a Payless campaign.

She has pretty feet, but it just would be good money on the side.

Judy: Coming in?

Thank you for being so supportive.

I'm really lucky to have you.

♪ Love is like oxygen ♪
♪ You get too much, you get too high ♪
♪ Not enough, and you're gonna die ♪
♪ Love gets you high ♪
♪ Love is like oxygen ♪
♪ You get too much, you get too high ♪
♪ Not enough, and you're gonna die ♪
♪ Gonna die ♪
♪ Love gets you high ♪
♪ Time on my side ♪
♪ I got it all ♪
♪ I've heard that pride ♪
♪ Always comes before a fall ♪
♪ There's a rumor ♪
♪ Going 'round the town ♪
♪ That you don't want me around ♪
♪ I can't shake off my city blues ♪
♪ Everywhere I turn I lose ♪
♪ Love is like oxygen ♪
♪ You get too much ♪
♪ You get too high ♪
♪ Not enough ♪
♪ And you're gonna die ♪
♪ Gonna die ♪