02x19 - Young & Younger Brother (Part 1)

[bunniefuu]

Good morning.

Gabi, whatever you're making, please make it for two.

Oh, wow. Who's the lucky lady?

Or gentleman.

Let's not judge now.

Gabi, this is my younger brother, Jake.

Jake, this is Gabi.

Oh, hello.

(Both) Hi.

Why didn't you tell me your brother was coming? - I didn't know.

Jake decided to show up at the super conventional hour of 3:00 A.M.

See, he marches to his own drum... which is funny because he's a drummer.

Was...

Then I was a forest ranger, then I worked on an oil rig... then I was on a tuna boat... that ended up in Thailand where I... just hung out for a couple months and now I'm here.

And Jake's got big news. He's found his calling.

Tell her. (Gasps)

I want to be a chef.

Wow! Well, good for you!

Thanks! At first, I wanted to be a cook, but then I thought, why not be a chef? It's like the same thing, but with better pay.

(Chuckles sarcastically)

Actually, you know, it's not.

It takes a lot of hard work to be a professional chef.

Oh, I know. I watched Ratatouille on the plane.

The answer is no.

It's my wedding, too, and I want...

Jake!

What are you doing here?

I heard someone was getting married, and I want to see who I lost out to.

My God.

You're even cheek-bonier than last time I saw you.

This is, ah...

Uh...

Alan.

I'm Elliot's fiance.

Please never stand next to me in a photo.

Gabala, quick question.

Can you make appetizers for 100 people for our wedding Saturday?

Uh, this Saturday, let me check my schedule... yes!

No.

Our wedding's being covered by In Style and San Francisco Magazine.

It has to be classy.

So you understand why you can't do it, Gabi.

Oh, you hush. She's adorable.

And we're in a pinch.

My mother's caterer...

Tova Rosen... is doing the sit down dinner, but we need cocktail apps that are chic and whimsical and Tova is neither.

Oh. Well, move over, Tova.

'Cause, ah, chic and whimsical cocktail apps are my specialty.

Gabi, congratulations! I'm very happy for you.

And at the same time, a little concerned.

Um, one week, 100 guests, that's a lot of work for one person.

A lot of work!

(Whispering) Why are you crushing my dream?

No! I'm not.

I'm just suggesting, maybe...

You hire a little extra help, my treat.

Oh, that would be great. Thank you.

Perfect. Jake, you got your first gig.

No!

Yes!

Uh, scusi.

Um...

You just heard how important this wedding is to me do you really think that a drummer/forest ranger is really the right guy to be my assistant?

Your boss/ the person that pays you really does.

Welcome, Jake.

I am... I am excited/ not annoyed at all.

(Theme music playing)

♪ She's in the spotlight ♪
♪ And she turned my head ♪
♪ She'd run a red light ♪
♪ 'Cause she's bad like that ♪
♪ I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby, baby ♪
♪ I like that ooh, baby ooh, baby ♪

Okay, my stew is done.

Best you'll ever have.

Wow, that's, um...

Something special.

Told you.

I think I got the cooking gene.

Okay.

Jake, you've obviously coasted through life on your looks, but cooking is an acquired skill, ah, not genetic, and I take it very seriously.

You think I'm good looking?

That's your takeaway? Okay, you know what?

Why don't you run out and get me some organic beets?

Done.

Where's the closest market?

Oregon.

You booked an 11 piece band without consulting me?

I want a DJ!

You can't lay across a DJ's piano and sing Big Spender, now can you?

(Humming)

I just picked up my dress for the wedding.

Aw, now all you need is an invitation.

He's such a kidder.

Were you able to take care of that engraving for me?

Sure did. My cousin's dropping off Elliot's ring later today.

What are you two whispering about?

Oh! Just that I love the dress I picked out for her.

Mm-hm.

You picked out her dress?

Is there any part of this wedding you haven't controlled?

He wanted it to match the coral-colored guest book.

Don't you know anything about gay weddings?

Yes!

And I'm sick of you making all the decisions without me.

It's my wedding, too.

Oh, you're right, honey.

Why don't you plan the honeymoon?

Yay! I wanna go to Hawaii.

'Cause you want to be a cliche?

I am a gay man getting married in San Francisco!

I am a freaking cliche!

Yes! Lunch! Best part of the day.

You like?

I let your brother make it for you.

Mmm.

That's good.

Is it, Josh?

Is it really?

It's got a lot of potential.

If it was a curry.

But, look, Gabi, with your help... the stew can only get better.

Can it, Josh?

Can it really?

Because this stew knows nothing about cooking, and he's messing up my chance of one of the biggest opportunities of my life.

But, Gabi...

The stew is my brother.

I know, but I want to punch him in the freakin' face!

Okay, wait, Gabi.

I know he's kinda all over the place, but it seems like he's finally found something he's excited about.

Hm.

Maybe this is his calling.

Maybe you should try another bite of his stew.

How long does it take to get beets?

Well, once I realized Oregon was a joke, not that long.

You're hating this. I can feel it.

I'm not hating it.

You're hating it.

I'm hating it!

Okay, I've been given the biggest opportunity of a lifetime, and I'm spending the whole day wasting it, training my boss's brother.

Look, I get it. I'm sorry. My brother made you hire me.

If you want, I can leave right now.

Oh, would you?

But I really wanna learn from you.

(Sighs) Why?

Why me? I mean...

Why not publicity? I'm sure Elliot would be very happy to take you under his wing or any other body part.

Would you at least hear me out?

Okay.

Fine, but can you talk and roll pasta dough at the same time?

The thing is, Gabi, Josh thinks I'm a total flake because I change jobs a lot.

Yeah, well, that's kind of flaky.

But, I swear this time's different.

Mmm, that's what flakes say.

I'm serious.

I finally found something I really like.

Okay, you're pushing too hard.

'Cause I want you to believe me!

On the dough.

All right, this is gonna sound crazy, but when I was in Thailand, I ended up living in a monastery.

Oh! Don't they make you take a vow of silence there?

I don't know how you decided to become a chef, but... and when I was in the monastery, I got to help out in the kitchen, making food for the other monks, and you know, at first, it was just another job...

Mm-hm. Okay, that's good. That's nice and gentle.

Thanks.

This is gonna sound really dumb to a professional chef like you but, you know, for me it wasn't... cooking that gave me the buzz, it was the look on peoples' faces when they tasted... what I cooked.

They can't talk, can they?

I wish I could put into words what that feeling was.

No. No, I mean, I get it. That's exactly how I fell in love with cooking.

Are you kidding?

No, I never really met anybody that understood that feeling before.

Okay, you're almost there, let me show you... ah, you have to push down, but not too hard.

Okay, the right amount of pressure is key.

You gotta tell me, Gabi...

When was your magical moment?

Now... what?

Whose face did you see eating your meal that gave you the feeling that... that we're talking about.

Um, my dad.

My mom and I, we used to watch Julia Child together all the time, and... ah, when she d*ed, I... made him one of Julia's recipes, and I will never forget the look on his face.

You know, I just wanted to cook forever.

What was that?

I'm sorry, I-I went with the moment.

I don't know what got into me, but...

Son of a bitch.

Oh my God, Gabi!

Today, after teaching my class, this mom came up to me and said the sweetest thing.

My spin class... worse than childbirth.

Well... well congratulations.

Well, congratulations to you, too.

For what?

For making it through the entire day with Josh's brother.

I didn't even know they made Kn*fe-in-eye emojis.

(Chuckling nervously)

You know what's funny?

Is that, you know, as the day went on, I really feel like I saw a different side of him.

You know, he's actually a really good... kisser?

Yeah.

He kissed her?

Yeah.

And she kissed him back, for, like, three and a half minutes!

That's sick!

You're telling me.

They were all over each other.

I meant you!

They were in my open concept living room!

And the thing is, Yolanda, seeing them together...

It made me think I still... kinda might have feelings for Gabi.

Kinda might?

Joshua, are these feelings real or is this just some sibling rivalry?

Real! Genuine.

(Sighs) I think.

You think?

Well, you better be sure.

Because if you're not...

There could be seismic repercussions.

Gabi, Jake is Josh's brother.

Yeah I know, but I can't help it.

I mean, we have an amazing connection... with food and with...

Josh!

No, Gabi, it's too complicated!

But...

But no! Look, you're risking your entire relationship with your boss, your career, and you're not even...

100% sure how you feel.

Gabi's not just some toy Jake took from you.

You're right.

You're right. I won't do anything until I know for sure.

I won't do anything else until I know for sure.

But it's gonna be really hard because all I wanna do is stare into his eyes...

Put him in a headlock...

And just kiss him over and over again.

Till he begs for mercy.

Horrible, tasteless, disgusting, vile.

But enough about your outfit. These apps are actually delicious!

Wow, thank you, Elliot.

Don't get too excited.

You're going to have to clear these with the Jewish princess.

Bye, Jake.

Oh! Hey, guys.

Josh, Elliot loved all of Gabi's apps.

Uh-huh. Our apps.

We're a team.

Stop!

No, you stop it!

Why don't you both just kinda stop?

Hey, Jake, why don't you hang in my office?

It's like Gabi's trying to steal all our time together.

After all these years and all these jobs, my Jake of all trades has finally found his trade... cooking!

Wow, I'm so glad I've proved myself to you.

Proved yourself? Oh, you did more than that.

Look at me, I'm giddy. I'm downright giddy.

Well, I got you to thank for it.

You're the one who hooked me up with Gabi.

(Laughing sarcastically) Yeah! I did that.

So I've been thinking...

What is the best way to get Jake farther and farther and... farther in his career?

And then, it hit me.

The Culinary Institute of America?

That's the best cooking school in the country.

Jake, I pulled every string I could, and I got you in for this semester.

But, Josh, man, it's 36 grand.

It's a little out of my price range by...

36 grand.

Consider it covered, bro.

Are you serious?

I-I...

I don't know what to say.

Your face says it all.

You know, that year you spent studying kabuki theater really paid off.

Jake, you're my brother.

I only invest in things I believe in 100%, and I'm 100% sure you should go away...

There... to school.

But it's in upstate New York and it starts in two days.

What... what am I gonna do?

Jump on a plane tonight?

Good point.

Too bad you don't have... (Exclaims)

A first class ticket.

Ooh!

(Knock on door)

(Excitedly) Hey, you...

(disinterested) Oh, it's you.

That's the thanks I get?

When you needed an extra oven to bake your pot pies in, I was your best friend.

Oh, I know, thank you. You're a life saver.

Elliot's going to be so happy.

Well, there's a downside to everything.

Let me see...

What are you looking for?

Oh, nothing really. I don't want to raise any red flags, but, ah...

Have you seen a man's wedding band around here?

You lost Elliot's wedding ring?

Uh-ah! It's only lost... If I don't find it.

Oh, my God! Well, when was the last ah! It's time you saw it?

"When was the last time I saw it?"

(Laughs) You don't think I've thought, "When was the last time I saw it?"

When was the last time I saw it?

I put it on my thumb because I didn't want to lose it, and then I made your pot pies and...

Oh, my damn!

Good thing I'm hungry.

Hey, Jakey.

Hey, Yolanda.

Hi.

Hey!

Hi.

Um, I think it would be a... good idea if we talked about what happened yesterday.

I think it would be a good idea if we talked about the fact I got into the Culinary Institute of America.

What? Oh, my God, that's huge.

That's impossible. How did that happen?

I mean, er, congratulations.

So, you think I should go?

No! I mean...

Yes, ah, why wouldn't you?

Well, starting with yesterday... because of us.

Not that we're already an "us," but I feels like we might be going in an "us" direction.

That's really sweet. I feel that, too.

Um, but you know what I also feel?

Curious as to, ah...

As to how you got into one of the best schools in the country when you just decided you wanted to be a chef, like, two days ago.

So, ah...

How did that happen?

Well, Josh really believes in me, and he gave me the money for tuition.

Oh! He did?

Yeah, and he had to pull some strings to get me in.

Pulling strings, is he?

Yeah, I didn't even ask him.

He's just so excited for me to go that he came up with the whole plan himself.

Coming up with plans, is he?

What can I say? He's an amazing guy.

(Laughing sarcastically)

Is he?

Is he?

You saw us kiss.

That's the only explanation for your big sudden gesture to Jake.

Gabi...

Don't Gabi me! Okay?

You've been asking me for two days to take him on and teach him how to cook, and now you suddenly want to send him 3,000 miles away?

Interesting, Josh.

Real interesting.

Is it?

He wanted to learn, you taught him, he showed progress, and how he's moved on.

Don't make sense.

That doesn't work with me.

I know something's up.

Oh, really? Like what?

Like, you saw me with Jake and you got jealous.

Jealous? (Chuckles) Gabi, I'm almost embarrassed for you.

I did this because I care about my brother, and I thought you'd be happy.

Now you get to work on the wedding yourself, which is what you wanted.

So instead of screaming at the innocent party here...

moi... why don't you try focusing on that?

Okay, okay. You're right. Alan and Elliot are the most important thing right now.

The wedding's off!

(Sobbing) Why does everything happen to me?

(Knocking on door)

Oh! Hey.

Hey, Gabala.

Thanks for bringing my stuff from Elliot's place here.

I couldn't bear to go to the penthouse and see his face.

Okay, one more step...

And...

Gabi's?

Josh, you said we're going to a steak house, not God's mistake house.

(Both screaming)

What's he doing here?

Oh, my God, this is a set up!

(Both) Surprise!

I don't know what you two are planning, but it's not gonna work.

(Romantic music playing)

It's like a fairy tale!

Pure enchantment!

(Grunts)

To think I would even consider marrying someone so selfish and dramatic.

Oh, I'm dramatic?

Puhleeze!

All I was trying to do was make our wedding perfect.

Exactly! "Our wedding."

You didn't include me at all.

What happened to the romantic man I fell in love with?

You're making me stress eat.

Ow!

What the hell is this?

Oh, my God! You found the ring...

That Alan planted.

"Forever, my FMB."

Fluffy matzo ball.

I know I went a little crazy with the wedding, but I would never forget you.

I love you, fluffy matzo ball.

And I love you, my yiddish yam.

Wanna get outta here?

Since the moment I walked in.

I can't believe your plan worked!

Yeah, well, I couldn't have done it without you.

And planting t rin in the pot pie, I mean...

Nice touch!

We are a good team.

I guess we are.

Be a shame to let this music go to waste, huh?

May I have this dance?

Okay.

Gabi, there's something I want to tell you.

There's something I want to tell you, too.

These past couple of days have been kinda crazy, and they've made me kinda crazy, and...

I, um, I accused you of being jealous, when, really, all you were doing was looking out for your brother, so...

I'm really sorry.

Okay, your turn.

Gabi...

The real reason...

I wanted my brother to go away... is because I think I have...

(Honking)

What the...

(Jake) Gabi!

Gabi, come out here!

Oh, my God!

Is that my brother?

Look at what I got for us!

Oh, hey, Josh! I'm not going to the culinary institute.

I got this food truck for me and Gabi instead!

It's got my name on it!

What a piece of...

I love it!

(Exclaiming excitedly)

The ring has to be here.

I've looked everywhere else.

Well, did you check the couch?

My God! $100!

That's more than my whole couch is worth.

Note to self, start cleaning the couch.

We should spend that on something responsible.

Like paying bills?

No.

"Something responsible" is the name of the horse I want to bet on.

Girl, come on!