02x02 - Before The Law

[bunniefuu]

[ Bobbie Gentry's "Reunion" plays ]

♪ mama, can I huh, mama, can I huh, huh ♪
♪ can I, mama, won't you please let me ♪
♪ mama can I, huh ♪

[ Rhythmic clapping ]

♪ made me one just like it out of yellow dotted Swiss ♪
♪
♪ mama, make Willie quit pulling at my hair ♪
♪ mama, ouch! Ouch! ama, just make Willie quit it ♪
♪ Tommy, if ya don't put down that stick ♪
♪ I'm gonna wear you out with it, boy, be quick ♪
♪ come quick, Sammy Jean stuck her finger in a Coke bottle ♪
♪ can't get it out 'cause it's stuck, stuck, stuck ♪
♪ now, I told you my mama didn't raise no fool ♪
♪ I can do anything if I got the right tools ♪
♪ mama, can I huh, mama, can I huh, huh ♪
♪ can I, mama, won't you please let me ♪

[ Children speaking indistinctly ]

[ Device whirs, beeps ]

Charlie: Jeremy Kleiner up in Winnipeg writes... "Feel better, boss man."

That's nice.

And then, uh... Carter Bunch says, "Keep fighting, you old cuss. You'll outlive us all."

Indian Joe sent p*rn.

Get these to the chinaman-- the usual disbursement.

[ Whispers indistinctly ]

Get your dad and uncles.

We need to talk.

[ Grinding ]

You finish your chores?

Yes, sir, I've been helping grandma with the bank.

Uh, she sent me to get you.

Wants us all together up in the house.

Dodd's inside.

[ Dog barks in distance ]

Dodd: Fought in the trenches in France-- World w*r I.

He was an artillerieschuetzen, my granddad, a gunner.

Blasted mustard gas at the Allies.

[ Chuckling ] Had them dancing like poisoned rats.

Brits caught him in a raid, hung him by his thumbs for six days straight.

So this, what we're doing, this is nothing.

Are you listening to me?

Is he listening to me?

Cut off his ears.

Wake him up.

He's dead, I think.

Weak.

[ Barn door creaks open ]

Charlie: Uh, Uncle Dodd?

Doc's finished.

Grandma wants us.

[ Barn door closes ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ a* thuds ]

[ Car doors close, engine turns over ]

Who were the g*ons?

Kansas City.

They want to buy us out.

So they came to you, then?

They came to see your father, but he's not well.

So they talked to me as his surrogate.

I should've been there.

Geez, dad. Don't be such a baby.

Shut up.

She shouldn't be in here.

She's old enough.

I told her to stay.

She's a girl.

And girls grow up to be women... and change boys' diapers.

Where's your little brother?

Rye? Haven't seen him.

Who knows with that kid? Probably neck deep in some p*ssy.

[ Silverware clinks ]

With a girl, you know.

What's the offer?

He talks to you. Where is he?

Said he had things to do out of town.

I saw him yesterday.

What things?

What's the offer?

The world's becoming more corporate-- this was their pitch to me.

And in this new world, there's no room for family business.

So w*r.

They're offering to buy the whole operation, then pay us to run it.

Bottom line.

Bottom line-- very little changes on the ground.

We may actually earn more.

But instead of running it, we report to them.

To who?

Kansas City.

Balls. What'd you say?

I said, "Thank you very much. I'll consult with my partners."

Meaning grandpa.

No.

The stroke.

Your father's not in a lucid state.

Nor will he be... possibly ever.

What are you saying?

I'm saying your grandpa built this business, but he's no longer capable of running it.

We should have a moment of silence, maybe.

As new boss, I say we tell these Kansas City schvantzes to go to hell in the fast lane.

Now, hold on.

What?

You think it should be you?

No, stupid. Mom.

Boss can't be a woman.

Who says?

Think about it.

[ Clank ]

Mom's the one with ties to Winnipeg.

History with Carter B and the Solkerk crew.

Suppliers trust her.

Should be mom.

Hell, yes. I vote for grandma.

Shut up. We're not voting.

I'm oldest.

I'm boss.

End of story.

Give us a minute.

Not you.

Sit.

Eat something.

This moment...

How things go in the next few weeks-- will decide--

That's why I--

Let me finish.

[ Sighs ]

Your grandfather left the ashes of the Weimar Republic and came to this country to build a name for himself.

He built an empire from a shoe-shine box.

And then, and only then, did he send for your father.

Ma, I know the story.

No, you don't.

'Cause if you did, you'd know that you are just a small part of it.

That's what an empire is.

It's bigger than any son or daughter.

Eat.

I'm not hungry.

I'm your mother. You will eat with me.

[ Sighs ]

Your time will come.

It will, but this isn't it.

And if you stand by me now, I promise you that as soon as this crisis is over, I'll hand you your legacy, and I'll turn my thoughts to the grave.

Now, we need to find Rye.

Can you do that for me?

Yes, ma'am.

Wherever he is, whatever he's doing, bring him home.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

If you're a betting man, I'm saying.

Well, I think history's proven people of the Germanic persuasion don't surrender easy.

But you can k*ll them.

Unless the woman, being a woman-- maybe we can scare her.

No.

I think we cut a deal with one of the sons.

The youngest maybe-- Rye.

The olders are-- Well, you know, how a lobster's got a pincher claw and a crusher claw?

Which one's which?

Pardon?

Which son is which claw?

You know what? Forget it.

I don't want anything to do with your facacta metaphor.

Management says acquire the territory, we acquire it.

Whether that's cash down or sending bodies to the morgue, that's up to the Krauts.

First Gerhardt to switch sides gets a shiny, red apple.

Dispatcher: No, I know.

I know, uh-huh.

No. No, Sheriff says it's a local matter.

Yeah.

Okay, then.

Yeah.

[ Typewriter clacking, telephone ringing in distance ]

[ Up-tempo cartoon music plays ]

Papa.

That's me.

Papa!

Did you get some sleep?

Oh, a couple hours.

You know, went pretty late.

Papa, papa!

What? What?

What can I make ya?

Uh, eggs would be good. Not a bother.

I could do oatmeal, maybe.

Tell me a story.

Something about the smell of eggs right now...

Okay, coffee's fine.

Uh, okay, uh...

[ Sighs ]

Once upon a time, there was, uh, an oyster.

What's an oyster?

It's a shellfish.

Fish?

Yeah, close enough. Lou sleeping?

Uh, he had a call with the brass.

Should be down soon.

Apparently, one of your victims was a judge.

A judge, huh?

Uh-huh.

The older woman.

Out of North Dakota.

Huh.

Papa!

Hello. Yes?

What's the story?

What story?

About the oyster.

Oh, uh, yeah.

Sorry, Lieutenant called.

Judge, huh?

Ah, Betsy told ya?

Yeah.

Yeah, a municipal judge up in Fargo.

Huh. Oh, yeah.

One day, the, uh... [Sighs]

The oyster got caught in the net.

Fisherman pulled him up, all set to eat him.

Uh, except, he happened to have his-- his daughter in the boat, and she said...

"Daddy, how would you feel if I peeled the roof of your house and ate you?"

[ Chuckles ]

Was that you?

It was.

That's the story of how your mom and me came to eat hot dogs for dinner once again.

Hey, so, knowing she's a judge, that change anything?

Well, you know, I guess we got to ask ourselves, was this judge just in the wrong place at the wrong time, or was this whole mess about her?

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Body thuds ]

Gonna be late for work, huh?

Oh.

Yeah, I don't think I'm going in today.

Well, got to keep up appearances, though, right?

You said.

Geez, hon, your eye.

Aw, no, it doesn't hurt.

It just-- it looks bad.

Well, maybe I should stay home, too.

No, you should go.

Just tell them you hit your head or something.

I got to...

There's to much stuff to do here.

I-I-- The car's got to be cleaned, the floors.

I mean...

Yeah.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Door opens ]

[ Door closes ]

Are you with me?

Good.

Bear's thrown in with mom, and that's his loss.

Distributors will stand with me if I press, but we need Rye.

So, when you find him, you bring him to me first.

You understand? Not her-- me.

♪

[ Door opens, closes ]

[ Upbeat music plays ]

There you go.

Thanks.

Remember to cook them all the way through this time.

Oh, thank you.

Hey, there, Peggy.

Hey.

Expecting your husband.

Yeah, he had-- at dinner last night--

I think it was some bad clams.

You know, from a can.

Never trust anything comes from the sea.

We came from the sea.

Tomorrow, for sure.

Okay. Bye.

Bye.

[ Door closes ]

Gloria: A Desperado, I heard.

The Sheriff thinks a pair of them gunned down those poor people at The Waffle Hut one after another in cold blood.

I mean, first Watergate, and now this?

What's the world coming to?

[ Sighs ]

Sorry, Mrs. Colson. The car wouldn't start.

I'll ditch the coat and get your squared away, okay?

Big night?

Huh?

Got a hangover?

Oh, no, it's, uh, just a migraine.

You talk to Ed?

Did I...

About the seminar-- next weekend.

Got us a room at the Southnik Hotel.

Oh, yeah. I don't know.

It's a lot of money, and we're saving up right now so Ed can buy the butcher shop.

What I'm hearing is you think your husband's more important than you-- his needs.

No, I just...

We got a plan, you know?

The word "we" is a castle, hon, with a moat and a drawbridge.

And you know what gets locked up in castles?

Dragons?

Princesses.

Don't be a prisoner of "we."

Take the seminar.

It'll give you a key to the castle.

Yeah.

Oh, hey, you don't know what happened to all the TP, do ya?

The what's that?

Had a case of TP in the back last week.

Somebody took it.

Lou: Yes, sir, I know I said it was a local matter last night, but I slept on it, you know?

And, uh, given the level of v*olence and with no apparent suspects and, uh... and the fact that one of the victims was a judge...

Right, in North Dakota, which means you're gonna have all kinds of interstate issues.

So, my thought is, uh, you know, all-- all the more reason for me...

Yes, sir.

[ Pen clicks ]

Thank you, sir.

Well, I'll coordinate with Sheriff Larsson and head up to Fargo first thing tomorrow.

Yep.

[ Car doors close ]

Skip: Yeah, I know.

We-- You said all that, but my point...

What I'm trying to...

I've got the money, see?

I've got...

Uh... I-- I mean, I will have.

So you just need to hold the Selectrics for me until, uh...

So just... hold them, okay?

Don't...

And I'll call you back.

[ Exhales sharply ]

Hi, there.

Money troubles?

What? Oh, no. He... double-billed me for something is all.

Just... straightening things out.

I see.

Yeah, we're not really open is the thing.

Uh, waiting for the-- for new models to come in.

So closed-- temporarily.

That's okay. We're not really customers.

Okay, well...

Rye Gerhardt.

Is that your name, or...?

I mean, geez, I-- I met the guy, of course, uh, once or.. twice.

Are ya...

Did you need a character reference, or...?

[ Chuckles ] That's good.

I like that-- "a character reference."

How about you just tell us where he is?

Seeing as he works for you and all.

Well, isn't that what you told Big Jim Suggs?

Over at the Pig 'N Poke yesterday.

Had a few drinks.

Told him you had a Gerhardt in your pocket.

I never...

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Ow!

[ Typewriter dings ]

[ Whimpers ]

[ Sighs ]

Kids today love to talk on the phone, but I'm a big believer in correspondence, friendly or otherwise.

If you've got a complaint-- it's my motto-- put it in writing.

For instance, last week, I bought one of those new a*t*matic coffee makers at Sears.

You know, the one with the clock inside.

And the thing is-- pardon my French-- a real piece of sh*t.

So what do I do?

[ Knuckles cr*ck ]

[ Groans ]

Dear General Electric, the coffee maker that I bought at Sears on 11 March makes a noise when it's brewing that sounds like a fat man having a heart att*ck.

[ Gags ]

Stop!

And it forces me to ask the question--

Is this why our once-great nation is going down the crapper?

[ Typewriter clanks ]

[ Grunts ]

Yours in peace and harmony, Mike Milligan.

[ Typewriter dings ]

The judge.

Go on.

All I said was, "Talk to her."

What judge?

Mundt.

Judge Mundt!

[ Sighs ]

[ Clears throat ]

Mm.

"Talk to her"-- That's what you said?

Yeah.

[ Chuckles ]

Why?

What happened?

There he goes. Watch him.

Don't let him get away, man.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Man: Get a rope and go hang him.

[ Shouting continues ]

[ Burl Ives' "One Hour Ahead Of The Posse" plays ]

♪ one hour ahead of the posse ♪
♪ the bloodhounds are hot on my trail ♪
♪ last evening, I sh*t down my sweetheart ♪
♪ this morning, I broke out of jail ♪
♪ my pinto is tired and hungry ♪
♪ and I'm feeling weary and gone ♪
♪ we started ahead of the posse ♪
♪ and we got to keep going on ♪
♪ the sheriff aswored he would get me ♪
♪ he's riding with 20 and 5 ♪
♪ but I ain't afeared of that posse ♪
♪ for they'll never get me alive ♪
♪ one hour ahead of the posse ♪
♪ no turning to left or to right ♪
♪ we must win the race to the river ♪
♪ or there'll be a hanging tonight ♪
♪ we're gonna hang him tonight ♪
♪ one hour ahead of the posse ♪
♪ and now I'm inside of my goaaaaaal ♪
♪ at last we have beaten that posse ♪

[ g*nsh*t ]

♪ may the Lord have mercy on my soul ♪

[ Breathing heavily ]

[ Freezer lid creaks ]

[ Fire crackling ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Betsy: You said to remind ya I got that specialist appointment Tuesday.

Dad said he'd watch Molly.

I'll drive ya.

Ya sure?

Ya got the case.

I'll drive ya.

[ Sighs ]

We feel so special, don't we, getting daddy for lunch.

[ Chuckles ]

Daddy!

Uh, Captain said wait on going up to Fargo.

He needs to work out some kind of chain-of-command BS.

So...

Hon?

♪

Hon?

[ Sighs ] Sorry.

I got a wild hair.

Something's not adding up.

Stay here, okay?

Mm-hmm.

What's daddy doing?

Work stuff.

You want to build a snowman?

[ Bell jingles ]

[ Indistinct conversation ]

What are you gonna call this snowman, Molly?

Maybe Bob.

Yeah.

All right, we got the bottom.

Next, we need to make the body.

I need you to find me some sticks for the arms.

Okay?

Yeah.

Thank you.

[ Gasps ]

Mama!

Yeah?

Look what I found.

[ Grunts ]

[ Sighs ]

Can I keep it?

No, hon, that's got a rip.

That's trash now, okay?

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Okay, okay.

Hon!

Look at this!

[ Music continues ]

Look what I found.

Oh, that's great, hon.

I just-- I found it in the bushes.

Fingerprints.

Yeah, I know. Geez.

I got it by the barrel.

Molly: What's that?

Well, mama's doing daddy's job again.

Go, mama!

[ Laughs ]

Oh.

You okay, hon?

Yeah, I stood up too fast is all.

[ Music intensifies ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Help you, Officer?

Sir, please roll up your window.

My friend up front doesn't like to talk to strangers.

Well, he's gonna talk to me.

Rock County.

It's like, "What's that town on The Flintstones?"

Is that where we are?

[ Singsong voice ] On The Flintstones?

All right, that's it. Out of the car-- all of ya.

Your friends, too.

Come around the driver's side here.

Okay... Let me see some IDs.

I'm gonna reach in my pocket.

Now them.

Mike Milligan.

And two named Kitchen.

Brothers, yeah?

Yes, sir, that's us.

Kansas City.

What's this about, Sheriff, if I'm okay to ask?

Now, if I were to search you three, would I find weapons?

[ Chuckles ] Well, sir, you have nothing to fear from us.

We're just passing though town on our way to points south.

Thought we'd stop for some waffles.

Gale's idea.

Heard you had some real good ones around here.

So you can imagine our surprise when we find the place closed and, apparently, the scene of a crime.

What size shoes you boys wear?

Now, that is a truly odd question.

Last time I checked, I was a 10.

Boys?

Now, I'm gonna go ahead and guess the boys are an 11 and not a 2, which would make them toddlers.

Now, unless there's some law been broken, think it's time for us to be on our way.

I promised the boys' wives I'd have them home for supper, and I am, if nothing else, a man of my word.

Okay.

I got your names and your plate number.

I'm gonna radio ahead and make sure you make it out of State.

If not, I'm gonna put out an APB and have you boys rounded up.

And then we'll talk again.

You understand?

I do.

And isn't that a minor miracle?

The state of the world today and the level of conflict and misunderstanding, that two men could stand on a lonely road in winter and talk calmly and rationally... while all around them, people are losing their mind.

You have a nice day.

[ Car door opens ]

[ Car door closes ]

[ Engine turns over ]

[ Engine shuts off ]

[ Door closes, keys jingle ]

Good night, Noreen.

Okay, then.

[ Woman laughs ]

[ Door closes ]

Constance: Don't be silly. I'll give ya a ride.

Peggy: Ya sure?

I-I don't want to be a bother.

No bother.

Come on, sexy. Get in.

[ Engine turns over ]

♪ dancing alone in the madness ♪
♪ there is no sadness ♪

[ Song continues]

[ Engine turns over ]

[ Engine shuts off ]

♪

[ Door thuds ]

[ Lock clicks ]

Peggy: Right to the right.

Constance: Ooh, you're a lifesaver.

It's a real mess.

Thanks, doll.

Shouldn't have had all that ginger ale.

♪ they got some crazy little women there ♪
♪ and I'm gonna get me one ♪

[ Urinating ]

[ Toilet flushes ]

♪ they got some crazy little women there ♪
♪ and I'm gonna get me one ♪

Peggy: Ed?

Ed!

♪ well, I might take a plane ♪
♪ might take a train ♪
♪ if I got to walkin', I'm going just the same ♪

♪ I'm going to Kansas City ♪
♪ Kansas City, here I come ♪
♪ they got some crazy little women there ♪

Geez! What happened to your car?

Oh, no, it's nothing. Uh, just a dust-up.

Ed had a few too many last night and hit a tree.

Uh, he's fine, though. Just shook up.

What about you?

Me? Oh, no. I-I wasn't-- I was home.

Those bills aren't gonna pay themselves.

You're kind of a bad girl, aren't you?

[ Chuckles ]

Yeah, you are.

I'm usually able to tell right away, but you had me fooled.

Oh, it's nothing.

I just bumped it is all.

In the dust-up?

Thought you weren't in the car, you said.

[ Sighs ]

It's okay. You don't have to tell the truth.

I'm not even mad about the TP.

Next time, just ask, though.

Or maybe that's what you like.

Huh?

Breaking the rules.

Thanks for the ride, okay?

I just-- I-I got a real bad headache, like I said before, and maybe I-I'll just see you at work tomorrow, okay?

[ Sighs ]

Sleep well, now.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Engine turns over ]

[ Engine shuts off ]

I didn't expect you'd still be here.

Yeah.

Found possibly the m*rder w*apon over in the bushes there.

Betsy did, I mean, if I'm being honest, which I try to be.

So now I'm wondering what else I missed.

Ah.

Anything interesting on the car I called in?

Oh, those fellas were positively fascinating.

Nothing actionable, though.

[ Sighs ]

Cook fell funny is the truth-- why I'm still here.

Got stuck in my head-- a callback.

I've heard it referred to once as a convergence.

You know, one thing reminds you of another.

Yeah.

Want to talk about it?

Not especially.

We had a guy on the boat, liked to smoke cigars for breakfast.

Picked up the habit from his granddad, he said.

This was on the Bo De river, seventy... four.

Ah.

So I'm on the wheel.

This kid comes out.

'Cause what could he have been? 19?

Lights his sh*t stick, and then...

Never even saw it coming.

sh*t him right through the cigar.

A one-in-a-million sh*t.

And the look on his face when he fell-- just like the cook.

Bafflement.

Yeah.

This... [Clears throat] German captain hung himself-- 1945. Found him in a bunker during the mop-up. Face all purple, eyes bugged out. Then, in '62, I'm responding to a su1c1de. Fella's in his bathroom, swinging from an electric cord.

[ Sighs ] You never know.

Mm.

w*r stories.

[ Chuckling ] Yeah.

Different now, though.

After WWII, we went six years without a-- without a m*rder here.

Six years.

And these days, well...

Sometimes wonder if you boys didn't bring that w*r home with ya.

♪

[ Meat grinder whirring ]

♪

[ Whirring continues ]

[ Engine shuts off ]

[ Meat grinder whirring ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Whirring continues ]

[ Grinder shuts off ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Knock on door ]

[ Knocking continues ]

[ Sighs ]

Hey.

Burning it at both ends, huh?

Uh, y-yeah.

Yeah. Double shift for me.

Yeah. Hear what happened?

At that Waffle Hut, yeah.

Yeah.

Real mess.

Yeah.

Mm.

The k*ller still at large, they say?

Yeah, we think so.

Anyway, saw your light on.

You know, Molly loves bacon for breakfast.

I seem to remember we're out.

So, I thought, if you don't mind, I'd pick some up-- be there when she woke up.

[ Laughs ]

Yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah, sure. Come on in.

Um...

So, uh, you want fat back, or...?

Well, lean, if you got it.

Okay.

1/3 of a pound.

Mm.

So, how's Peggy?

Yeah, she's, uh... She's doing... good.

Yeah, doing real, you know...

Work's good, she says.

Yeah, I think Betsy's coming in this week for a trim, which, uh... don't know why I know that.

[ Chuckles ]

Wives.

They talk whether we're listening or not.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah-- Oh.

No, it's, uh-- it's on the house.

Oh, no, no. Let me.

No, I-I-- I got it.

I got it.

[ Telephone ringing ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Chuckles ]

You gonna get that?

Yeah.

[ Ringing continues ]

[ Sighs ] Yeah.

[ Ringing continues ]

Peggy: Why is it taking so long?

Yeah, it's just, uh...

My wife.

Uh, I'm almost done.

Right.

Well, can ya hurry up? [ Sighs ]

I don't like being here by myself.

Thanks.

Ed?

Ed?

Ed?

Yeah?

Yeah, I still got to...

You know, it takes time, grinding a whole--

No, I-I know. I...

I just miss ya is all.

No, I-I miss you, too, hon.

It's just--

I'll make some oatmeal, okay?

And we can have breakfast when you get home.

Okay.

I love ya.

Love you, too.

Bye.

[ Dial tone ]

Man: No one would have believed, in the last years of the 19th century, that human affairs were being watched from the timeless worlds of space.

No one could have dreamed we were being scrutinized as someone with a microscope studies creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water.

Few men even consider the possibility of life on other planets.

And yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes, and, slowly and surely, they drew their plans against us.

♪