05x08 - An Indecent Promposal

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Awkward...

Love is dead, and I k*lled it.

Well, you fired the g*n.

I really messed things up with us.

We were really good together. What are you saying?

I miss the way we were.

I love Matty.

What did you want to tell me so bad?

Would I ever forgive myself for letting Matty go?

I couldn't stop thinking about my dinner with Matty.

Sure, I had done the mature thing by not telling him that I loved him, but being mature felt a lot like being miserable.

It didn't help that it was the most romantic time

of the high school year:

promposal season.

Well, some promposals were more romantic than others.

Either way, all they did was constantly remind me that I would never have my perfect prom with Matty.

Because of me.

Ugh, I just have to keep my head down, blinders on.

[yelps]

[crowd gasps]

Sorry.

Hope she says yes.

[keys clacking]

I get home and Val's lying on the couch.

Really?

Just like last week.

But again? Why does she do that?

That is really Cr...

What the?

Oh, who's it from?

Sorry, not for you.

Watch your aim, a-hole.

A paper airplane? Seriously? Talk about amateur hour.

His parents are probably driving him to prom.

All promposals are amateur hour.

Promposal? What idiot made up that word anyway?

I always thought it was you.

Despite being known for my cutting-edge wordplay, Jenna, no, I did not.

I would never compare a prom ask to a proposal.

Real proposals are amazing.

If anyone actually proposed with a paper airplane, they'd be kicked to the curb to die alone.

Looked like Tamara was stuck in promposal hell, too.

She was clearly still sad about Adam.

We were both in a nightmare of our own making.

But was there a way for me to break out?

So, I was thinking about maybe asking Matty to prom, as friends.

What? What's wrong?

You. You're wrong. Do you even hear yourself?

What?

Your name is Jenna, and you're an addict... a Matty addict.

Come on, I'm not addicted to Matty.

You're practically shaking from Matty withdrawal.

You did the right thing at dinner.

If you go to prom with him, you'll relapse and start mainlining Matty.

Okay, don't you think you're being a tad dramatic?

It's no big deal. Not a big deal?

Let me paint a prom portrait for you, Jenna.

You and Matty go as "just friends" and then the first Adele ballad in, you start spilling your feelings, you make out, and then you start dating.

Ooh, hooray! No, not hooray.

All summer long, the dark cloud of long distance will loom over you and you'll be stressing so you'll get in tons of fights.

Then, you'll be at Wyckoff in Maine, and Matty will be at Berkeley.

You'll fly cross-country on the weekends, therefore you won't be making any friends at your new school, and then when Matty finally does come visit you, he'll go snowboarding, he'll break his leg, and he'll be walking with a limp.

Not only have you ruined his soccer career, but everyone will call him Matty McLimpin'.

All because you shared your feelings at prom.

Don't do it. Put down the drug.

You need to go straight from AA directly to Triple A: Avoid, Avoid, Avoid.

Get out of my way!

Tamara had painted a terrifying picture, and as much as I hated to admit it, she was right.

Matty was my drug of choice and I had to go cold turkey.

Hey. How did dinner with Jenna go?

Dinner wasn't what I expected.

What do you mean?

I don't know, man, I think I totally misread her signals.

So what about prom?

She pretty much shut that idea down.

She probably wants to go with somebody else.

Sucks.

Sorry, dude. So who are you gonna ask?

Well, it's funny you should mention that.

Jacob, will you go to prom with me?

Yes, Matthew.

Seriously, come on, you've got to go.

I know. I'll figure it out.

Sort of confused about lots of stuff right now.

I hear ya. I can't believe I didn't commit to a college.

But why would I want to go into enormous student debt for a school that I'm not excited about?

You know one of the colleges I got into used to be a prison?

Yikes.

I was thinking about maybe taking a gap year.

Is that crazy?

No, that sounds rad.

Don't settle on a school you're not psyched about.

And, if you take a gap year, you can come to Berkeley and party all the time.

Yeah!

Berkeley's right by Stanford and Gabby, so gap year could be perfect.

[pop music]

♪ Take a petal off a four-leaf clover ♪

[phone rings]

Ugh, I hate her.

Who?

Forget it.

Okay.

So I still need to talk to you about the food truck.

What, is there a bratwurst emergency?

I can't really think about that moving health code violation right now.

But I...

Sergio, what I'm trying to say is, I couldn't give less of a [bleep] about the food truck.

I have real-life actual problems to worry about.

I have to get to class.

♪

Hey, it's Sergio.

Yeah. I'm in.

Hey, what are we doing for prom?

We?

Actually, I just meant me and Cole.

That is, will you go to prom with me?

What? Prom? What's next, moving in?

Are you guys lesbians?

I didn't know you could hit rock-bottom after only dating for eight days.

Yeah, prom is the gateway drug to basic-ness.

One second you're saying "yes" to prom, the next, you're posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.

"Keep Calm and Carry on!"

"Dance like nobody's watching!"

Tell me how you really feel, Cole.

Ugh, who does Namas-gay think you are?

Some kind of brainless prom-zombie?

Yeah. Totally.

As president and therefore head of prom committee, I have to give this stupid survey to find out what people want the theme for stupid prom to be.

And why is Hamil-uggs hovering around you?

Hoping for a pity ask?

I'm helping her.

Yeah, so I don't have to deal with this prom-ssignment alone.

Anyway, the choices are, Under the Sea, Y2K, Disco Madness, and Surf's Up Cowabunga.

Those are the stupidest themes I've ever heard.

Who came up with this, a bunch of monkeys on typewriters?

We all know they're lame, so just pick one.

It doesn't matter anyway. Prom sucks.

Really?

Yeah.

The only thing worse than not going with Matty to prom would be going with Matty to prom.

It was k*lling me, but I had to pretend that I didn't care.

What the hell are you guys talking about?

Prom is the most important event of our senior year before graduation.

Embrace it. Go with someone you love.

Not all of us are in love, you cloying sap.

You don't have to be in love.

You don't even have to be dating.

Just someone you do love.

It's a celebration of our four years together.

Hear, hear.

I see you talking, Jake, but all I hear is, "Wah wah wah wah wah," like Charlie Brown's teacher.

I can't believe your attitude!

You are the head of the prom committee!

Show a little respect!

Do you want to do it?

Be my guest.

Go with someone you love?

That is exactly what is wrong with prom.

It is an enforced romantic Hallmark faux-liday for high school.

I mean, you're expected to drop tons of cash on a dress, limo, tickets, and dinner just to dance in a Ramada off the freeway?

90% of the prom-going public expect Pretty in Pink and they get Carrie.

And who profits?

Dry cleaners?

The big corporations.

It's the prom industrial complex.

I wish I could just opt out of the whole thing.

Like how you can sign up on the "do not call" list for telemarketers.

There should be a "do not ask" list.

Jenna, that is I Dream of Genius.

We should totes make a "Do Not Ask."

We can put it on the wall in the senior hallway.

And if you sign it, everyone will know you're off-limits.

No one should be forced to go to this farce.

Do Not Ask was the perfect solution.

I wouldn't have to worry about going or not going to prom with Matty, because I wouldn't be going.

No Matty and no prom-blems.

Congrats, Jenna, although you've always been my queen.

Huh?

The prom court nominees are up!

Being nominated for prom queen meant that for me, "Do Not Ask" had turned into a "Have to Go."

So much for that plan.

Being on prom court with Matty would have been sophomore Jenna's dream come true.

Hell, Jenna-until-two-days- ago's dream come true.

And the irony was that I was the one keeping us apart.

Okay, so everyone pair into couples for the group photo.

Remember, it's for the school newspaper, so don't look, like, weird.

Well, would it be so bad if we just posed as a couple?

Hey, want to be posers together?

Always.

I love how you're the perfect height for my arm.

Nope, couldn't do it. Felt too good.

He's too cute. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

This isn't working. Hey, let's switch.

We belong together, Jenna.

Sure, Kyle.

I hated to be a snob, but it was kind of weird that Kyle was on prom court.

Hey, Kyle. Lookin' good, bro.

Oh, no. Kyle was nominated as a joke.

Poor guy. He stuck out like a sore thumb.

Everyone else on prom court was popular.

Everyone except me.

Four kings, four queens, and two jokers.

Okay, everyone say, "Prom Fairyland."

All: Prom Fairyland.

Avoid the tyranny of prom that corporate America is forcing on you, sheeple.

Sign up.

Nice dress. Except you have a stain on it.

What? Where?

It's from the prom Kool-Aid you've been drinking.

Prom court is not a binding contract.

You are a traitor to the Do Not Ask.

Okay, so I got a little excited.

It's prom court, Tamara.

You're only human.

But don't worry, I'm not going to go.

My nomination was a joke.

A joke? Like, "Knock, knock. Who's there?

Jenna the prom queen"?

No, I'm the loser nominee and so was Kyle.

This is sophomore year Winter Formal déjà vu.

It's not about a nomination. It's about humiliation.

That's not true.

Don't try and make me feel better.

I don't sugarcoat hard facts, Jenna.

We voted for prom king and queen nominees the day you caused the blackout and you were super popular.

This is the result of your literal 15 minutes of fame.

Okay, so then why do the Julies look at me like I'm a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of their Louboutins?

That's their resting face. You should know that by now.

I had to admit, I was more than a little relieved that I wasn't a joke.

Did I actually have a chance at winning prom queen?

I can tell you're already planning your acceptance speech, you sell-out.

Wait, hold the tiara.

Jenna, you have to win prom queen.

Well, that was a quick turnaround.

That way you can use your speech as a platform to tell the assembled masses how they've degraded themselves.

I don't really think I'd make a speech.

Take prom down from the inside, Jenna.

¡Viva la revolución!

[playing upbeat music over speaker]

♪ There's this thing called a dance ♪
♪ And this girl called Gabby ♪
♪ Could I have a chance ♪
♪ I mean, I'm none too shabby ♪
♪ Why not reach for the moon ♪
♪ Why not hang from the stars ♪
♪ It can't happen too soon ♪
♪ Gabby say you'll be mine ♪
♪ If you'll be my prom date ♪
♪ I'll pledge my honor ♪
♪ It'll be effin' great ♪
♪ Come on don't you wanna ♪
♪ There's just two ways to go ♪
♪ Will it be a "yes" or a "no" ♪
♪ I can only handle a "yes" ♪
♪ So go pick out your dress ♪
♪ 'Cause it's got to be a "yes" ♪
♪ Please don't make me guess ♪
♪ Just come on and say "yes" ♪
♪ Say "yes" ♪

All: Yes!

♪ Say "yes" ♪

All: Yes!

♪ Say "yes" ♪
♪ Say "yes" ♪
♪ Say "yes" ♪

Yes.

[cheering]

Shh!

This is such a great day.

I feel like I have everything figured out.

You're going to prom with me, I decided I'm going to take a gap year, I had a really good lunch...

Oh, what now?

I had a pepperoni personal pizza.

No, no. The thing you said before that.

Oh, I'm gonna take a gap year.

As in not go to college?

Just for a year.

To do what, exactly? Travel?

No, just stay home, save some money so I can go to a school that isn't known for giving ex-cons degrees.

But I will be able to visit you all the time.

Anyway, where should we go to dinner before prom?

I don't know.

[phone rings]

[horn honks]

What do you think?

I think this is the worst [bleep] promposal I've ever seen.

What the hell is a promposal?

Sounds like some weird rich kid [bleep].

It is.

I bought this. I have my own business now.

I'm thinking about calling it Sergio's.

What do you think? Is it too obvious?

And why would you do something like that?

You know, for our future.

Our future?

How does you staying here have anything to do with our future?

What do you mean? I'm going to visit you in New York.

It's not like you asked me to move in with you.

Did I have to spell it out for you?

I faked my roommate application so I could have a single and you could come be with me.

I cannot believe that you would make such a huge decision without discussing it with me.

Like how you decided to go to Columbia without asking me?

That was Columbia. You bought a food truck.

You just committed to staying in this stupid town.

Why continue this sham of a relationship for a few more weeks?

Let's just put it out of its misery now.

Sign up and take back your dignity.

Prom? More like wrong.

That kind of works.

Turn in your prom ticket and you'll enter a raffle to meet my cousin's cover band of...

Paramore.

Um, what are you doing?

Oh, it's this totally brillz idea that Jenna thought of.

It's a Do Not Ask list so no idiot asks you to prom and you can opt out of the whole charade.

So Jenna thought of this?

Interesting.

Can I sign this twice?

Actually, you know who should be on this?

That girl who listens to The Fray and has the "99% angel" sticker on her BMW.

She doesn't deserve to get asked to prom.

Stop it.

As head of the prom committee, I forbid this.

I forbid it. [snaps pencil]

He got him a latte?

Is it vanilla flavored?

I think they spelled your name wrong.

I think they spelled it right.

Yes, I'll go to prom with you.

Sick!

Traitor!

I thought it was sweet.

So sweet.

Except, Theo, I thought you and Cole would go together.

Because we're gay?

For the billionth time, gay people can be friends with each other.

But friends can go to prom.

You're right.

Lissa, would you like to go to prom with me?

I'm weighing a couple of offers, but yes.

If I go with you, I'm guaranteed to keep my second virginity.

What the hell are you doing?

I'm gonna show Cole that two can play this back-to-basic game.

I have to show you my prom vision board.

[squeals]

Everyone is drinking the prom Kool-Aid, but not me.

I don't even care about going to prom in a Stella McCartney gold sequin dress with a light pink matching corsage and drinking champagne in a town car, not a limo, and getting a room at the Four Seasons with all my friends.

The more Tamara protested, the more I could tell... she wanted to have the perfect prom, just like me.

Hey, babe.

So I figured out how you can spend your gap year.

There's this inner-city tutoring program that you can volunteer at.

Oh, and this law firm is looking for interns.

You can also take film classes at SC.

After all that, you could definitely reach for an Ivy.

Whoa. Thanks.

This is really sweet of you, but none of this involves saving, let alone making any money.

I already know what I'm going to do.

I'm going to live at home, help my mom and sister, and wait tables and that way I can pay for a school that I'm really excited about going to next year.

Yeah, I get that, but how can you get into a school you're excited about if you don't do anything exciting?

Trust me, I'll figure it out.

But waiting tables?

Why do you care so much?

Because it's embarrassing.

I didn't mean it like that.

No, I think you did.

I wouldn't want to embarrass you when I visit you at Stanford and I certainly wouldn't want to embarrass you at prom.

I think we should find other dates.

Hello?

We're closed.

We'll be open for business in a few weeks.

Oh, hey. I thought we were broken up.

I didn't mean we were breaking up.

I just... I've been so stressed with this mom stuff that I haven't told you about and I took it out on you and I'm really sorry.

That's the thing with you, Sadie, it's always something.

Today it was your mom, yesterday it was Ally, tomorrow it's going to be the New York subway.

I won't take the subway.

Jesus! You know what I mean.

It's always about you.

When is it going to be about me?

You haven't even congratulated me on the truck.

Congratulations. I'm really happy for you.

I promise I will be better.

Look, I'm sorry. I don't believe you.

All I want to do is love you, and you fight me every step of the way.

I can't fight anymore.

♪ How easily it goes away ♪

So if you'll excuse me, I got a lot of work to do.

♪ How easily it goes away ♪

Who knew I'd actually be relieved to be paired with Kyle over Matty?

He was sweet, despite certain quirks.

Let's rehearse what happens when we crown the prom king and queen.

So let's just say Matty wins prom king and Jenna wins prom queen.

Ooh, I'm so excited. It's like the real thing.

The universe certainly had a sick sense of humor, and by "the universe" I meant Lissa.

So, you guys will walk up to me and I'll place the crowns on your head.

Come on. Come on.

Then you wave to the crowd, and then you'll slow dance.

Let's do it for funsies. Okay, everyone else pair up.

Stand back.

There should be at least a five-foot radius between the winners and the rest of you losers.

Soak it up, Hamilton.

Because an imaginary win is all you're getting.

Okay, dance.

That's okay, really. It's fine.

Come on, Jenna, it's just a dance.

I said dance!

Fine.

Listen, I get it.

You want me to go to school 2,000 miles away from you, you created a Do Not Ask list.

Why, so I wouldn't ask you to prom?

I wasn't going to ask you anyway.

You made it perfectly clear you didn't want me to.

Just try to get through one stupid dance, even though you obviously hate me now for some reason.

I don't hate you. I did all those things because...

I don't care. It doesn't matter why.

I got your message loud and clear. I'll just stay away.

Rehearsal isn't over.

Every inch of me wanted to scream, "I love you."

The only person I hated was myself.

For putting us through this.

Senior prom was supposed to be a fun, once-in-a-lifetime experience.

And we were all letting it make us miserable.

I couldn't stop thinking about what Jake said at the lunch table that day.

"You should go to prom with someone you love."

And I was going to do just that.

[doorbell rings]

I know this seems weird, but I love you.

Will you go to prom with me?

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!

What's wrong?

Sergio broke up with me.

I'm so sorry, Sadie.

Hey, you want to go to prom?

Yay.

Oh, by the way, I'm wearing red so I'll send you a Pinterest board with your dress options.

Perfect.

Next on Awkward:

Welcome to the Enchanted Fantasy prom.

You could win a rainbow.

Men do not understand the importance of the prom dress.

Even though I couldn't have him, I still wanted him to want me.

Is this about Hamil-turd?

I just always figured you'd go to prom together.

Cheers to a fantasy prom.

Yay!

[gasping]