01x01 - El Jefe

[bunniefuu]

[Rock and roll music playing]

[Crickets chirping]

[Grunting]

This is gonna hurt.

[groans]

One more for Papa.

Yeah.

Lookin' good.

Looking sweet!

Na-huh.

[laughing]

[grunting]

Don't wait up for Daddy, Eli.

[Hisses]

Come on!

Come on!

[tires screeching]

[indistinct chatter]

We close in 10 minutes.

Well aware.

Send me down a Moscow Mule and two of whatever the lady's having.

It's rosewood.

Hand carved by Italian artisans.

You know how people always say you shouldn't put your hand in front of a speeding train?

I guess...

Well, what those people don't know is that sometimes there's an eight year old boy, stuck on the tracks.

You saved him?

In a lot of ways, he saved me.

But, yeah, I saved him from certain death 30 years ago to this day, but you know losing my clumsy, old meat hook wasn't too big of a price to pay, but I do like to honor it every year by getting blackout drunk.

Care to join me?

[moaning]

[grunting] ASH: Yeah.

Bridget: Yes!

Oh... yes!

Yeah, that's how it's done. Oh!

You like that? Huh?

You like my wood?

More, please! [Grunting]

I'm getting a little winded.

Maybe we take a break, focus on me for a bit.

Just a little more?

Oh yeah, okay. Yes?

[Grunting]

Oh, yes!

I'm cumming, I'm cumming...

We are coming for you!

[suspenseful music playing]

Ah! Jesus!

[Heavy breathing]

What's wrong? What happened?

I was so close.

It was just, uh, something happened that... hasn't happened in like 30 years.

I gotta jet.

[Grunts]

Really?

Well, I could finish, but I gotta be quick.

[Grunting] [moaning]

Yeah!

Yeah... Yes!

You like that? Oh, yes!

Oh, oh!

Danced around with Borealice.

We're space truckin' around the stars.

Come on.

Come on.

[Heavy breathing]

[Eerie music playing]

There you are.

What the...

How'd you get in there?

[Rock and roll music playing]

Hey, what's the ink?

It's from a French poem.

Do you know any poetry?

Mm.

That sh*t drives me wild.

Well... it ain't French, but, uh...

[suspenseful music playing]

[Rumbling]

I got a little something for ya.

Check this out. Come here.

[Sighs]

Look at that sh*t.

Like that's... f*cked up sh*t. Oh yeah.

It's inked in blood.

Here we go.

Try this piece of poetry.

It'll blow your mind.

Khanda...

[chuckling]

Tranya...

Ver-a-ta...

There you go. [Lucy chuckling]

Me-sar-tra...

Me-sar-tra.

Me-stro-bean.

Me-stro-bean.

[High-pitched wailing]

f*ck.

[Dramatic music playing]

[Rumbling]

[Brakes squealing]

[Wind chime tinkling]

[Crickets chirping]

[Button clicks]

[Eerie music playing]

Neighbors report a woman screaming for her life?

[g*n cocking]

I was kind of expecting a sh*t show.

Yeah, quiet's not good either.

[Screaming]

What's that?

You take the front.

[Rumbling]

[Creaking]

State Police.

Anyone here?

[Door creaking]

[Gasping]

[Wind shrieking]

[Suspenseful music playing] [Fisher gasping]

Carson?

[Static crackling over radio]

John?

[Growling]

[Wood creaking] [eerie music playing]

[Gasps]

Something's not right here.

[Lucy sobbing] [suspenseful music playing]

Oh my God.

Ma'am?

State Police, ma'am.

I'm going to need you to put your hands up.

You need to do what he says, lady.

Hands up, nice and slow.

[Indistinct whispering]

[Speaking in foreign language]

What'd she say?

I said...

[bones cracking]

[In high-pitched voice] Burn in hell!

[Yelling] [glass shattering]

[Lucy grunting]

[Bones cracking]

[High-pitched screaming]

[Grunting]

[Bones cracking]

We know who you are!

[Grunting]

[Yelling]

[Shrieking] [screaming]

[Growling]

[Groaning]

[Shrieking]

[Clicking] Oh!

[High-pitched screaming] [gasping]

[Speaking softly] What the hell was that?

[Shrieking]

[Screaming]

I'm gonna cut you up into little pieces!

[Shrieks]

[Gasping]

[Shuddering]

[Eerie music playing]

Carson?

Oh!

[Crackling] [gasps]

[Rattling]

[Screams]

[Heavy breathing]

[Growling] [shrieks]

[Roaring]

[Grunts]

[Gasping]

[Screams]

[Shrieks]

[Grunting, growling]

[Yells]

[Gasps] [sobbing]

[Weakly] Hey, don't.

Don't sh**t me.

Please, Amanda...

[shuddering]

I'm your friend.

[Shuddering]

I need you.

You need me?

I need you... to die.

[Eerie music playing]

[laughing]

[Roaring]

[Screaming]

[Grunts]

[Birds chirping] [shivering]

[Phone beeping]

Ah yeah, hi.

Uh, I came in there many years ago, and, uh, we chatted about a particular book.

It was, uh, bound in human flesh, inked in blood.

Anyway, um, I might need some help translating that.

Oh, okay, great, ah, yeah, I'll see you soon.

Thank you. [Phone beeps]

Morning, Vivian!

Hey, I wonder if I can ask you a teeny favor?

Some things have come up and well, I may have to leave town soon.

Oh, honey pie, that's a shame.

Any chance you could tidy up my trailer while I'm gone?

No heavy lifting of course.

Just a little dusting. Some dishes.

Oil up the hitch, make sure it's ready to go, and drain the waste water t*nk.

Uh... anything for you, you sweet little muffin.

[Chuckling]

Really get in there, okay, conquer those clogs.

Thank you my delicious cookie.

[laughter]

[Wind howling]

WOMAN'S VOICE: Ah-sh.

[shuddering]

Ah-sh.

[whispering] Ah-sh.

[suspenseful music playing]

[Screaming] [gasping]

[In high-pitched voice] We are near.

Your time comes again.

[Gasps]

[Birds chirping]

[Engine accelerating]

Watch out, you idiot!

Ah, shut up!

[Brakes squealing]

Okay, I'll just get my check and I'll be in Saginaw before nightfall.

[Muzak playing] [carts rattling]

Hey, ah, Mr. Roper.

My dear friend Eli is sick.

So I gotta take off early.

You know, to look after him.

Any way I can pick up my check before I go?

Are you really gonna use your f*cking lizard as an excuse to get out of work again?

I am. Okay.

Look, you ret*rd... and I can say "ret*rd" because my gardener is a huge one.

I know all about you.

You think you can't get fired, 'cause you have seniority?

[Chuckling] Well... okay, technically you're correct, but that doesn't mean I have to help you.

So to be clear, that's a nay-no on the paycheck?

You get your pay at the end of the day.

That's store policy.

Now take these light bulbs out back and don't break 'em.

Okay, Mr. Roper.

Right away sir.

[Rattling, shattering]

Shh.

[Glass breaking]

[Glass breaking]

I got this.

Oh, thanks, Pablo.

Oh, great news, I got some turkey burgers, you know we can grill, and watch a little Monday Night Raw tonight if you want?

Oh, tonight's bad.

I mean actually, I just came in to get my check [glass rattling]

'Cause, uh, I may have to skip town.

What?

No, you can't leave, you're like the coolest thing about this place.

That's very true, but, uh, I may have a, uh... situation.

Hey, man, tell me what's up, maybe I can help you.

I wish I could, but with all due respect, your tiny brain is a lot safer without my problems inside it.

Hey, man, I seen a lot between Honduras and here.

Try me. Honduras?

You said you were from New Jersey.

Oh, did I? Uh, I am.

Ah, was from there.

Anyway, hey look, it's a terrible thing that you're leaving right now because I just, I just got my upstairs neighbor hired.

That's-that's one more person to look out for you.

[Stammering] You know, like, when you take your naps, or you come in late, or don't come in at all.

Well, I do love a partner in crime.

Where is he?

Right there.

Right there, aisle Three.

Sweet musical Jesus, that's your friend? [indistinct chatter]

Oh, she's filthy, and fine.

She's very attractive, I know.

Hey, I try not to look at her like that.

That must be difficult.

It is.

She haunts my dreams... just kidding.

She does though.

Well, I should say my goodbyes.

[Glass rattling] Uh...

[glass shattering]

Nice day, huh?

I just wanted to say I'm sorry I have to leave you so soon.

I don't even know you.

And now, you never will.

Which is fine, because you really never could have had me anyway.

[laughs]

"Had you."

Are you out of your mind?

[Chuckling] I know, it sounds crazy, doesn't it?

I'm old, graying, 10 pounds overweight...

10?

Okay, 30 pounds overweight, but it doesn't matter.

At some point, the thought would have occurred to you.

Do me a favor will ya, thank your mother for me?

She passed her genes down to you in all the right places.

My mother d*ed in a car accident six months ago.

Wow.

[Whistles]

Um, you know in the future you might wanna just say, "Sure, I'll tell her."

'Cause dropping a b*mb like that on somebody you just met is downright rude, but you know what?

You're young, you'll figure it out.

Goodbye forever, Kelly.

[Hand creaking] [grunting]

Touch me again, and you're gonna need another wooden hand.

Okay, wait.

Another wooden hand in place of my real hand, or another wooden hand in place of my wooden hand?

Your real hand! [Hand creaking]

[Ash grunts]

Ah!

Touchy.

[Silverware clinking] [door bell ringing]

[Police radio chatter]

Morning guys.

Hey. Morning.

Coffee?

Sure.

[Whispering indistinctly]

Amanda?

I can't imagine what [sighing]

You're going through, but you'll be back to work before you know it.

Yeah, maybe.

If I can clear an Internal Affairs homicide inquest.

Plus or minus a psych evaluation.

[Sighing] I don't know.

I don't know.

[Eerie music playing]

[Gasps]

[Whispering] And when we got there, there were these people.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I um, I just... just thought I saw something, but I can't really, um, trust my eyes these days.

There's nothin' wrong with your eyes.

Sometimes what you think you saw, it's exactly what you saw.

[Door bell ringing]

[Suspenseful music playing]

[Light bulbs rattling]

[Glass rattling]

MR. ROPER: Hey Williams!

Bring those bulbs back here!

Okay, Mr. Roper.

[Rattling continues]

[Switches clicking]

Hey!

Man working here! Lights on!

[High-pitched giggling]

Who's there?

[Eerie music playing]

[Giggling continues]

[Speaking softly] Who's there?

[Gasps]

Mmm...

[clattering]

Mm-hm...

Mm-hm...

Argh! [Squealing]

[Both grunting]

[Bites] [screaming]

[Grunting] Get off me!

Get off me!

[Both grunting]

[Yelling] [biting]

[Panting]

[Both yelling]

[Both grunting]

[Panting] [chuckling]

[Both yelling]

[Gasping] [tooth clattering]

[Grunting] [squealing]

Lil' Lori hate you!

[Grunting] [screaming]

[Grunts] [squeals]

[Sobbing]

[Fake sobbing] Oh...

You're gonna be okay.

[Groaning]

Lil' Lori hate you.

Lil' Lori k*ll you!

[Grunting]

[Shuddering]

[Screaming]

No, no, no, no, no, no!

[Grunts, panting]

[Voice cracking] Hi.

Hey.

What the hell was that?

[Dramatic music playing]

[Thunder rumbling]

Let me ask you somethin', Pablo.

Do you believe in the existence of evil?

A force of nature capable of giving rise to all things wicked?

My uncle is a shaman.

We called him El Brujo, and when I was a kid, he would say, "Pablito, fear the evil."

"The devil is always waiting in the shadows."

Man, I always thought it was the mezcal talking, but after seeing this, I think he was right.

I'ma tell you something I've never told anyone.

30 years ago my friends and I spent the night at a cabin.

We found a book.

[suspenseful music playing]

Necronomicon Ex-Mortis...

The Book of the Dead.

Certain passages were recited.

It awoke something in the woods.

Something dark... evil.

It got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist.

It possessed my friends.

My girlfriend... Linda, she...

[inaudible]

I was the only one to escape, and for the past 30 years I've been hiding out.

Now, because I screwed up, read from that book, one lousy time, evil has found me.

That's why I'm takin' off, like right now.

Catch ya on the flip-flop, good buddy.

El Brujo said somethin' else.

That only one man would rise to stand against it.

He called him "El Jefe."

I think it's you, Ash.

You got the wrong guy.

You know what? [Indistinct chatter]

I don't believe that...

.. I'm coming to you live from the parking lot...

.. and neither do you!

Of the Woodsman Bar, located on 9 Mile Road Woodsman Bar?

That's where I was last night. In Ferndale, Michigan, where a large sinkhole has suddenly opened up.

Public works...

Don't you see that it's happening all around you?

You got the wrong Jefe, Chief.

Hey, come on. You fought this thing before.

Maybe you just got to finish what you started.

[Speaking softly] You listen to me.

Whatever I was, that was a long time ago.

Let it choose somebody else now.

Me, I'm cutting out!

You can't outrun evil, Ash!

Watch me! [Thunder rumbling]

[Suspenseful music playing]

[Engine starting]

[Tires screeching]

Dad, Dad?

Are you okay?

You're-you're cutting in and out.

Something's happened, okay? What?

Dad? It's okay, it's...

Are you okay? I-

Well, I... came downstairs this morning, and you... know that book that your mom gave me?

That God awful... novel that I never got through?

It was on the table, and then later, when I came downstairs after my shower, then the whole place was like smelling like, like-like pancakes.

Oh my God!

[Suspenseful music playing]

[Shuddering]

Someone's there.

[Whispering] Jesus.

Who?

She's here. Dad, who?

Who is there?

Dad?

[Knocking]

Dad?

Dad! She's... she's at the door.

[Door opening]

My God, she's coming inside.

[Speaking softly] Oh, God.

She's here. Dad?

Da...? [Eerie music playing]

[Gasps]

What did you see?

My-my mother.

But she d*ed six months ago.

I gotta get to my dad's.

Um, I'm, uh, I'm gonna take you.

[Keys jingling]

Start the bike, I'm right behind you.

[Door closing]

What are you doing?

I'm leaving?

No, you're not. [Thunder rumbling]

[Dramatic music playing] [screams]

[Wind howling]

[Grunting]

[Engine rumbling]

[Growling]

[Yelling, grunting]

[Shattering] [screaming]

[Screams] [engine rumbles]

sh*t!

Hey, I got this! [Sighing]

[Engine starts]

Hold on!

Hey!

Hey, get in and finish your f*cking shift!

[Screaming]

[Scream echoing] [tinkling]

[Birds chirping]

[Eerie music playing]

[Wind howling]

[Door creaking]

[Floorboards creaking]

[Speaking softly] Carson's shirt.

It did happen.

[Suspenseful music playing] [wind howling]

[Tires screeching]

Hey, I said I need to get to my dad's.

What are we doin' here?

We're here to see someone.

He's the only guy I think can help us.

Okay. I just hope that he will.

Oh, this idiot? Are you kidding?

He can't help with anything.

Relax, sweetheart. [Glass clinking]

I'm not sticking my neck out for anybody.

In fact, I'm just about to haul nuggies.

[Sighs]

[Clicking]

All right. I'm outta here.

[Suspenseful music playing]

[Rumbling]

[Wind howling]

[Exhales]

[Whispering] What is that?

[Scratching]

[Panting]

[Banging]

[Speaking softly] What the hell?

[Banging continues]

[Shuddering]

[Clattering]

[Loud banging]

[Rumbling]

Well, whatever this thing is, it's found you.

There's no more running.

Are you gonna own up to who you are or not?

I guess we'll find out.

[Panting]

[Screaming] [shattering]

[Choking]

Kelly!

[Maniacal laughing]

Let her go!

[grunting]

Hey, Ash!

Do something please!

[Grunting, groaning]

[Kelly wheezing]

[Weakly] Help me.

Help me, please.

[Action music playing] [Kelly choking]

[Yelling]

[Screaming]

Ugh!

[High-pitched wailing]

[Bangs] [groaning]

[Wailing] [shattering]

[Yelling]

[Banging, shattering]

[Both screaming]

[Grunting]

[Gasping]

[Wailing, banging]

Just leave us alone!

Leave us the hell alone!

[Panting] [creaking]

Are they gonna get in?

Oh, they're comin' in, all right...

[action music playing]

It ain't for Shabbo's dinner.

Hiyah! [Gasps]

[Speaking softly] I need this.

Hiyaa!

[Grunts]

[Jingling]

[High-pitched wailing]

[Maniacal laughing]

[Cocking, g*nsh*t]

[Grunting]

[Cocking] [laughing]

Mommy shoulda' taught you to knock.

[g*nsh*t]

Thought I could hide.

What a joke.

Who are you?

You seem so... different.

I told ya it would cross your mind.

[laughs]

Okay, but can we go to my dad's now, 'cause I think he's in some serious sh*t.

Sorry but your old man's gonna have to wait.

First thing I got to do is see a guy about a book.

Must be some spell I can say to undo all this.

The other first thing I got to do is some cardio, 'cause my heart is jackhammering like a quarterback on prom night.

You don't understand.

My mom was dead, and now...

And now, a whole lot more people will die if I don't get to the bottom of what's in this little baby.

Please. Sorry, kiddo.

This ain't a charity.

What we're up against only understands one thing.

[Ethereal music playing]

Vivian.

[High-pitched screaming] [all yelling]

[Grunting]

[Screaming] [shattering]

[Groaning]

Bitch!

[Growling] [grunting]

[In high-pitched voice] We found you, Ash.

It is time to test the mettle of man.

[Shuddering]

We await...

Await what?

You!

[Both screaming]

[Growling] [glass shattering]

[Panting]

[Grunting]

No!

[Grunting] [growling]

[Both yelling]

[Shattering]

[Grunts]

[Shrieks]

[Screaming] No, no, no!

No, no, no!

[Screaming]

Pablo!

[Wailing] [screaming]

No, get away from her you f*cking old bitch!

[Maniacal laughing]

[Screaming, grunting]

[Mocking groaning]

[Grunting]

[Growling]

[Yelling] [grunting]

[Shrieking] [gasping]

[Groaning]

Ash, Ash!

Wake up Jefe!

Ash!

[Whimpering]

Oh, stop fussin', muffin, I just want to put these through your eyes.

[Maniacal laughing] [grunting]

Jefe, wake up!

[Shuddering] [grunting]

Ash, the chainsaw!

[panting] Ash, Ash!

[Panting]

[Clicking]

[Grunting]

[Yells]

[Action music playing]

[Yelling]

[Exhales]

[Grunting, groaning]

Yo, Granny.

[Hissing]

Hope you took your Geritol...

[buzzing]

'Cause it's time to dance!

[Hissing]

[Screaming]

[Shrieking]

[Maniacal laughing]

[Yelling]

[Gasps]

[Panting] [dramatic music playing]

[Grunting]

You were right.

No more runnin'.

It's good to see you, Jefe.

It's good to be back.

How does it feel?

Groovy.

[Rock and roll music playing]