Latin lover narrator: Okeydokey, diving right in. Our Jane was accidentally inseminated by this hottie. But she was engaged to this hottie. So now, she's in a big old love triangle. And Rafael? Well, he went in for the kiss. But you know who saw? His ex-wife Petra. Oh, and she was inseminated by Rafael, too. Though not accidentally. She did it her own damn self. I know... crazy, right? And speaking of crazy, Rogelio's first ex-wife Luciana came back to town with her beloved bunnies. And Xo was super threatened by their chemistry. But Ro chose Xo. Unfortunately, Luciana wouldn't go away that easily. Oh, and speaking of threats, Rafael's sister Luisa was kidnapped by some scary German henchmen. She thought it was related to her ex-lover Rose. Also known as international criminal Sin Rostro. But then, this happened.
Oh.
(screams)
Also searching for Rose, Detective Michael, and he had a lead... her name used to be Denise. And she had visited a small vineyard in the Swiss Alps. But when he called the vineyard about Denise...
Gustav?
He got this answer.
Woman: All you need to know...
Heidi Von Ocher.
And I don't know who the hell that is. So let's watch and find out. From a very young age, Jane Gloriana Villanueva knew exactly who she was... a good student... a good daughter... and a good friend.
Ready?
I don't know.
You can do this.
(piano playing)
♪ At the end of the rainbow ♪
♪ There's happiness ♪
♪ And to find it how often I've tried... ♪
(music changes to hip hop)
♪ Oh, with a little bit of uh, uh ♪
♪ And a little bit of uh, uh ♪
♪ I was like good gracious, ass is bodacious ♪
♪ Flirtatious, trying to show faces ♪
♪ I'm waiting for the right time to sh**t my steez ♪
♪ You know, waiting for the right time ♪
♪ To flash them ki's, then, uh ♪
♪ I'm leaving, please believing ♪
♪ Oh, me and the rest of my heathens, check it ♪
♪ Got it locked at the top of the Four Seasons ♪
♪ Penthouse, rooftop, birds I'm feeding ♪
♪ It's getting hot in here ♪
♪ So hot ♪
♪ So take off all your clothes ♪
Jane did let it all hang out that day, yo.
And in so doing, she ruined her perfect behavior record.
♪ So hot ♪
♪ So take off... ♪
But she also found herself a lifelong bestie.
I don't see how this is supposed to help you lose weight.
I'm not even breaking a sweat.
Yeah, it gets a little harder after the whole pregnancy thing.
You know?
All right, Carriage Cruisers!
Now it's time to start squatting!
Oh, and a reminder, if anyone is still peeping their pants, you might want to sit this one out.
Don't want to brag, stopped peeping my pants yesterday.
Both: Hey-o!
Instructor: You look amazing.
What's your secret?
Birth control.
Okay, finally, tell me about Nat.
Nate. He's so cute.
Anyway, he Snapchatted me...
(Mateo crying)
Oh.
(Jane shushing)
Go on.
Anyway, so I texted him back, just like, "Why are you Snapchatting me in the bathroom when we're in the same bar?"
(shushing)
Oh...
Sorry, not you, not you.
It's okay, sweetie.
I'm sorry.
Wait, was that to me?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He usually sleeps during the session.
I'm sorry, go on, go, go, go.
Jane, it's fine. We'll catch up on Friday.
Friday?
Come on, Jane!
You're k*lling me! I can't keep showing up everywhere dressed like this.
Latin lover narrator: It should be noted that until this moment, Jane had completely forgotten about her best friend's 25th birthday party.
Thank you for throwing me the best baby shower ever.
And I am gonna throw you a k*ller 25th birthday party.
That she had promised to plan.
Please, the baby will be little.
My sisters have kids.
I know the drill.
You're gonna kind of disappear on me.
Stop!
I'm not gonna disappear on you.
And I'm gonna throw you a birthday party.
Oh, my God! Can it be a surprise?
I've never had a surprise party.
Yeah, but you know.
But not when.
So... ?
Is it Friday?
Turns out I hate surprises.
Yep, it's Friday.
(gasps)
Oh, God.
What am I wearing?
Is there a theme?
A theme... we need a theme!
Um, the '60s... or a Greek thing...
The Great Gatsby because of your roaring 20s.
Oh, my God!
I love that movie.
Xiomara: The Great Gatsby?
It's all I can think of; I'm writing a paper on it at school... so, can you help me?
Sure, it's been a while since I read the book.
With the party.
I was kidding.
(Mateo cries)
Oh.
Oh, not up.
Sure, I'll help.
You throwing it at the hotel?
I think so. Still have to ask Rafael.
Have you talked to him since the big smooch?
Okay, first off, it wasn't a big smooch.
It was a regular smooch.
And yes.
We talked.
Kind of.
You know, it means I'm a little overwhelmed right now.
And I just had a baby and I'm not ready.
And I know that's not what you want to hear, but I'm sorry, that's where I'm at.
Think he got all that from a gritted-teeth emoji?
Unclear.
But like I said, he's coming over, and I'm gonna talk to him.
(Mateo babbling)
Oh, and I'm going to tell Michael we kissed.
What? Why?
Just to be on the up and up.
Armstrong: It's a terrible idea.
And we have no jurisdiction in Switzerland.
So, I'll talk to her off the record even.
We don't have the budget to send you.
We'll find the money.
I know the Sin Rostro case better than anyone, and right now, we got the element of surprise working for us.
Oh, hi there.
Cordero, meet Detective Susanna Barnett, your new partner.
What?
Latin lover narrator: Can't b*at the element of surprise.
I was gonna tell you, then you started in on Switzerland.
Pleased to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
What if we find a way to bring Heidi Von Ocher here?
Who's Heidi Von Ocher?
I actually can't remember.
Just give me some time; if it doesn't work, you'll hand the lead over to the Swiss authorities.
24 hours.
That's it.
Swiss authorities, wow!
Looks like we're fixing to go international.
You want to catch me up?
Read the Sin Rostro file.
Sin Rostro already?
Yes!
Okay, this could be painful.
Oh, it's really painful!
Bone pain's the worst kind of pain.
I know, because-cause I'm a doctor!
Oh, can you, can you please just get me an oxy?
Actually, wait, no, don't get me an oxy.
Like they say in AA, it's a slippery slope.
Actually, just give me half of one and then don't give me the other half no matter what I say.
Let me just Google Translate that. Maybe "I got the image"?
Okay, okay, I don't care about the oxy.
Just don't mutter me!
(Latin Lover Narrator shushes)
So, what do you think?
Definitely don't tell Michael you kissed Rafael.
About the invitation, Ma!
I'm just saying nothing good can come of it.
What? How did you... ?
(doorbell rings)
Oh, okay, that's Rafael.
Enough.
Hey, Mateo, it's Daddy!
Hey...
Hey.
Hi.
Hi.
Wait!
I guess I misread the emoji.
I just think it's too soon.
You know, right now everything's about Mateo.
And I can't see beyond that.
I'm sorry.
Um...
Um, actually, can we, um, can we go sit outside for a second?
Yeah, sure.
Okay.
So listen, I know that you are not ready for a relationship.
And honestly, I don't want to rush you.
Thank you.
But at the same time, the way things are, it's just not really working for me.
And it's okay, if we were working towards being together, but if that part is on pause indefinitely, which...
I-I get, I-I do...
Rafael, what's going on?
I think that we should talk about custody.
What's the emoji for "gut punch"?
Latin lover narrator: To remind you, Rafael just dropped the custody b*mb.
I'm sorry, Jane, I am.
I-I don't want to do this, it's just that Mateo is changing so much every day.
And I want to be a part of it.
You are.
I drop in.
But it's your life with him.
It's your routine.
And it doesn't include me.
Look, I get it.
(cell phone ringing)
Uh... I mean, it's just a surprise.
I mean, the thought of lawyers...
(cell phone ringing)
Look, w-we don't have to get lawyers.
We just try to work this out between us first.
(cell phone chimes)
I'm really sorry.
He says it's important.
No, that's fine, by all means, just call Michael.
(sighs)
Yeah, Michael, this isn't a good time.
Yeah, we'll be there.
Heard congratulations are in order.
You okay?
Just a little nauseous.
Yeah, probably karma.
Please, don't look so smug.
We both want the same thing.
You with Jane, me with Rafael.
We should be working together.
There's nothing to work on.
They're not right for each other.
Eventually, she'll realize it.
Oh, is that what's happening?
They're, um...
Realizing it?
Coming.
Hey, are you okay?
I'm fine.
So I might have a new lead in the Sin Rostro investigation.
A woman by the name Heidi Von Ocher.
And who is she?
I have no idea!
No one's telling me!
She is...
Well, she's a professional singer.
A yodeler, actually.
A yodeler?
Like in The Sound of Music?
Kind of like in The Sound of Music.
Never seen it.
Really?
Okay, weird thing to feel superior about.
Yeah, really.
Kind of.
Here's the point... Heidi Von Ocher yodels.
Or "jodels," I guess it's pronounced.
I was corrected twice on the phone.
Anyway, there was a big concert, and she didn't make it to the final show.
You think Sin Rostro k*lled her?
No.
I think she slept with her.
That does seem to be her w*apon of choice.
There was some whispering on the... online jodel community about an affair.
Is that Rose?
Michael: Pretty sure.
She went by the name Denise back then.
I don't have jurisdiction in Switzerland, but if you book Heidi here, to yodel...
Latin lover narrator: Jodel.
Then I can question her.
This is the first new lead I've gotten.
Please.
I need her on the next flight to Miami.
Okay.
I'll book her.
I don't care about yodeling, I care about custody.
No butter.
Do you think you need to get a lawyer?
No lawyers.
We are going to figure it out between us.
Rafael's gonna take care of Mateo while I'm in school... starting tomorrow, actually.
Yeah? You okay with that?
I mean, I have to be, right?
(doorbell rings)
They're sh**ting La Semana de Hacer el Amor on Passions this week.
Rogelio has to be super healthy until he can put his clothes back on camera again.
Hey...
I made you a special dinner... low calorie, low carb, gluten-free.
You are the most accommodating woman, Xiomara, which is why I hope you will understand that I may need to hire Luciana after all.
What? Why?
Sometimes... unforeseen obstacles can arise in an unexpected way and undo plans we'd otherwise not like undone.
Dad...
She is blackmailing me.
With what?
Rogelio, what does she have on you?
When I was a younger man coming to Hollywood, I joined a certain church... for actors.
Celebrities in general.
Tom Cruise, specifically.
Scientology?
Not exactly.
It's a church in which people believe they are immortal spiritual beings.
Or say, aliens who are trapped on Planet Earth and must find their true selves through self-exploration.
Or a carefully crafted, monetized system of levels on the Bridge to Total Freedom in hopes of uncovering your godlike secret powers.
Look, everyone was doing it.
Oh, Dad...
So it's embarrassing. So what?
That's not the problem.
Luciana has my audits.
What are those?
Auditing is like going to confession, only you record it.
But the classes were too expensive, so we did a lot of independent study and we just made our own version of an E-meter.
Continue.
I was nine years old the first time I touched my...
If you hire Luciana, she'll give you the tapes back?
That's what she said.
Then do it. Hire her.
I can handle it.
Woman: Wie Bitte? Ich soll nicht auftreten? Was soll dass heissen, ich soll nicht auftreten? Ich bin nach Miami gekommen, um aufzutreten!
Do either of you speak English?
Yes. Little bit.
Does Ms. Ocher recognize this woman?
Erkennst Du diese Frau?
We think her name is Denise.
Kenne ich sie?
Heidi: Ob ich sie kenne? Natuerlich kenne ich sie! Sie hat mein Leben ruiniert und Mich laecherlich gemacht! Ich kann Mich wegen ihr in meiner Stadt nie wieder blicken Lassen!
Sag ihnen nicht, dass ich sie kenne!
Ich will Nichts mit ihr zu tun haben.
Ich bin nur hier um aufzutreten.
No.
Tell her this is very important.
Es ist sehr wichtig.
Er muss garantieren, dass wir auftreten.
Ich werde nicht noch einen Auftritt wegen dieser Teufels-Braut verpassen.
First, you guarantee that we perform.
Heidi says she will not miss another show for that... she-devil.
Yeah, okay.
Sure, you can perform.
Sie muessen Papp-Mache Berge zur Verfuegung stellen.
And you provide the papier-mâché mountain.
Latin lover narrator: Also facing a mountain? Jane. (sighs) See, she only has two hours to write 2,500 words on The Great Gatsby... before Mateo needs to nurse. Oh, good! Looks like it's swimming along. You know, I've always loved The Great Gatsby. I'll bet Jane has an interesting take. Let's look. "After thawing breast milk, you cannot refreeze it." Hmm. I don't remember that part of the book. Oh. That actually looks like...
A babysitting list?
No, it's just a list of... instructions for the baby.
Hmm.
Do you know how long breast milk can stay out?
Four hours.
It's on page three.
Okay. Got it.
Look, I'm sorry, it's just really hard for me to leave him.
It's hard for me, too.
Every single time.
And onto another shaky partnership.
Can we just rewind real quick?
No, no, we're not rewinding again.
We've covered Denise and Heidi's first meeting, extensively.
So after... you made love overlooking the town square with the giant glockenspiel, what happened?
Was ist passiert, nachdem ihr, den Marktplatz mit dem riesigen Glockenspiel uberblickend, miteinander geschlafen habt?
Denise hat ihre Mutter angerufen und ihr gesagt, dass sie nach Hause kommt, und dann ist sie gegangen.
Denise called her Mutter and said she coming home and left.
Her Mutter?
Yes. Her mother.
Can we rewind one sec?
Did-did you ever see Denise's Mutter?
Hast Du jemals Denises' Mutter gesehen?
Nein. Ich Weiss nur, dass Sie eine riesen Zicke ist.
No. All she know she is... how do you say?... big bitch.
Speaking of big b*tches...
Ah, Rose...
Ooh! (panting)
Luisa (panting): Oh, oh, wait.
What country am I in?
Do you speak English?
Uh, you're in Miami. South Beach.
Oh.
Oh. Thank you.
RSVPs are a little on the low side, so I branched out to Lina's second and third tier and sent them personal "hope you can be there" e-mails on my way home from school.
What's that?
Man: Mountains this way.
Hey, I-I'm having a party here.
What's going on?
I have no idea, okay? Petra told me to move them in for some event...
But I already...
Take it up with Petra.
I don't need her yelling at me.
(sighs)
I'm so sorry.
She's just not feeling that great right now.
Latin lover narrator: Oh, Rafael... what were you thinking?
So, Mateo's doing well?
Yup, we are great.
Good.
And... the list, is it helpful at all?
Looking at it right now.
Latin lover narrator: Ooh.
Are you?
Yes.
Are you checking up on me?
No.
Really?
Because it sure feels like you are.
Jane?
In this moment, Jane wondered if there might be another explanation for the crumpled-up list. Like... maybe he made a copy. Which is why she hid in the closet.
Rafael: Jane? Are you there?
(elevator doors closing)
Director: This is a telenovela, people. We need some drama.
Turn on the wind machine.
And kiss like you've been poisoned and the only antidote is each other's saliva.
♪ ♪
I hope you used a mint.
Please don't talk to me... I'm getting into character, and it's very difficult as my character must make love to a lying, scheming chupacabra of a woman.
Director: Ready? And... sexy.
Sexy!
Action!
Cut!
What is this?
I didn't feel the lovemaking.
Well, I must make love on the right, so the camera can capture my best side.
But my right side is also my best side.
Rogelio: I am the EP of this show, so my right side will be featured.
Rogelio?
Hmm?
Everybody knows you're an EP... but they don't know all the things you admitted to become an OT III.
I will take the left side, but only because your left side is far worse, and I want what's best for the show.
(quietly): I was wrong.
I can't handle this.
Oh, and one more thing... my dressing room is too small.
I'll need a trailer for Consuelo and her brothers and sisters.
Can you take care of that?
As an EP?
Latin lover narrator: And speaking of trapped.
(ringtone playing)
(gasps softly)
Oh, good, help! Finally.
Hey, Michael.
Look, I wasn't sure whether I should say something or not say something, but...
I think I just have to.
What's going on?
I know you kissed Rafael.
Oh.
What was that?
About 40 rolls of toilet paper and a hundred bottles of mini shampoo.
What?
Oh, I'm sort of trapped in a utility closet.
Thank you so much.
Michael: Why were you in the closet? You were in the closet?
Briefly, yes.
Look, I... I saw this crumpled up next to your trash can in your office.
Wait, what?
So I called, you said you had it, I knew you didn't, unless you made a copy.
No.
I knew it!
I knew you lied! I just didn't want you to think I couldn't take care of him.
It should be noted that for a brief moment Michael really enjoyed watching things unravel.
Are you really defending the fact that you came up here to confront me and then hid in a closet?
No. But at least admit that you crumpled up this paper.
Until he realized...
Don't look so smug.
We both want the same thing... you with Jane, me with Rafael.
We should be working together.
It was probably Petra.
True, for the record.
Petra saw you kissing... she seemed pretty upset.
You look pretty upset, too, man.
Rafael: Oh, my God, she is crazy.
Well, crazy or not, she's... still in love with you.
And she still thinks she has a chance.
So if there's not a chance, you need to tell her.
Pretty sure he's not talking about Petra anymore.
I got to go.
(gasps): Raf!
Oh, my God!
What...
I didn't know if I'd ever see you again.
Luisa... where have you been?
I was kidnapped.
What?
Jane: Who kidnapped you?
Stop, stop. She was not kidnapped.
No. Yes, I was.
That's what she said at Christmas when she didn't show up because she was drunk.
No, Raf, I swear to God, I really was kidnapped by these really scary German men that wanted to mutter me, and I don't know why they let me go.
Wait, wait, wait. Mutter?
Yeah.
I'm gonna need to talk to you.
Look, I'm sorry.
I saw the list and I got upset.
Do you really think that I would have thrown it away?
You were pretty mad.
I'm not mad.
Jane, I'm frustrated.
I love you. I want us to be together.
I think that's what's best. I mean, just think about Mateo.
Are you serious?
What? Think about Mateo?
That's the whole problem.
He's all I think about.
(chuckles): I mean, it's like he's taken over my brain.
I can't even write a stupid paper on The Great Gatsby, which I read in the ninth grade.
And I forgot my best friend's birthday, because I'm thinking about when he needs to eat and-and how to get him to sleep longer.
You know, and it's not just my brain, it's physical, too... I'm exhausted.
I mean, my boobs literally hurt when I'm away from him.
And I know that he has changed a lot in the last three weeks.
But you know what?
(crying): I have, too.
Because now everything revolves around him.
I mean, that's why I can't choose who I want to be with.
Because I don't even recognize myself anymore.
I'm sorry.
No.
No.
No, this started by me telling you I'm sorry.
And I am.
And emotional and exhausted, clearly.
And you do have rights to Mateo.
So... (sighs heavily)
I think maybe we should get a lawyer, so we can take... the emotion out of it.
♪ ♪
Also trying to overcome his emotions... Luciana.
Luciana, please wait.
I'd like us to start over.
I know we're very different people.
But maybe we can focus more on work and less on our differences.
Wow. The high road.
Didn't see that coming.
That is very big of you, Rogelio, to admit that you're wrong and to realize that my happiness is best for the show.
If there's anything I can do to better accommodate you here at Passions, just say the word.
I'll call my P.A. to listen.
(electronic chime)
First, I get sh*t on the right side every single time.
Second...
Excellent talk. Need to go.
(rabbits grunting)
(rabbits continue grunting)
High road, highway... same thing, right?
Jane: Oh, no.
Nate, the guy Lina likes, is busy tonight, because it's so last-minute.
Head count?
13 people confirmed, including my mom and Abuela.
That's just embarrassing.
What's embarrassing?
Lina, I screwed up.
With what?
I forgot your birthday, and I tried to plan this last-minute party, and everybody's so busy, and it's just not looking great.
Are you just trying to make the whole surprise thing work again?
No.
I'm sorry. I forgot.
And I just didn't want you to feel like you weren't important.
(Mateo crying)
Well, it's pretty clear that I'm not.
Oh, oh, shh, shh...
Oh, shh, shh, shh.
(Mateo continues crying)
(exhales)
Going to the club is the last thing I want to do.
You think Lina wanted to go to Carriage Cruisers?
She's celebrating her birthday tonight.
You're going. I'll watch Mateo.
No.
Yeah, of course I'll watch him.
Is your mom busy?
No. But it should be you that I go to first, regardless of lawyers.
I'm sorry. It's my lawyer.
Again, you don't need a lawyer.
No. She wants a booty call.
Okay. Y... You don't think it was Rose holding you hostage?
No. I mean, at first I thought it was her, because the men, they were... they were so gentle with me.
They even used these soft ties.
(exhales): Then... once they hit my leg...
No. It was not Rose.
She would never hurt me.
Even when we explored bondage, she was so gentle, she would just... she would just take me right to the edge and...
That's why we're thinking maybe someone took you... to send her a message.
Because I mean so much to her?
Yes. It's very romantic.
Luisa... did Rose ever mention her mother?
Can we rewind just a sec? What kind of ties were you tied up with?
During sex?
No, with the German florists.
Why is that important?
Silky cords. They were soft.
Okay, gotcha.
Now go back to Rose's mother.
Do you remember the color?
Blue. Like the color of oxy.
No.
You know what? Can I talk to you for a second? Which, actually, I could really use that right now for my knee.
(sighs heavily)
What are you doing?
Asking her questions.
About things we're not looking for.
I'm not looking for anything.
I'm just listening. And you know what I heard?
Blue silk ties. You know who used blue silk ties?
A drug lord that ran Miami back in the '80s, went by the name Mutter... look it up.
So I'm thinking Rose, or Denise, wasn't actually talking to Heidi about her mother at all.
She was talking about Mutter, the crime boss.
Luisa: Oh, I just wanted to say, forget about the oxy.
Got it.
So... who's Heidi?
Like, the next girlfriend of Rose or something?
Just sit down. We'll be back in, okay?
How do you know all this? I read up on Miami crime history before transferring.
Plus, I have a photographic memory, which you would know if you'd tried to get to know me at all.
But I get it.
Your last partner, Nadine, double-crossed you, so it'll take you a second to warm up to me.
Anyway, you're gonna want to read up on Mutter.
Latin lover narrator: And speaking of Mutters...
Rafael: Hey, I want to show you a picture. Can I come in?
Sure.
What kind of picture?
It's Mateo.
My son.
Why are you showing me this?
Because he is who you're hurting, Petra, every time you try to drive me and Jane apart.
I wasn't. And we are having one.
A baby.
(scoffs)
You think I don't know that?
I'm sick all the time. So focus on that.
I can't.
Why?
Because I'm scared, okay? I don't know how to do this or why I did it. I thought we would be together, and if we're not together, then I just...
Then what?
Then I made a huge mistake.
Yeah. Yeah, you definitely made a huge mistake.
But the crazy thing?
I mean, it worked.
After all those miscarriages and the doctors telling you you can't have kids, and then this stuck?
Petra, it's kind of a miracle, right?
When did you get so cheesy?
What I mean is, this is a good thing, with or without me.
Without, specifically.
(wry laugh)
Look, you are smart and... tenacious.
And you deserve someone that'll really make you happy.
Thank you.
Again, not me.
Okay, enough already.
It was a gentle dressing down. Which brings us here, now, to dressing up. Or trying to.
(knocking)
Hey.
Hi.
Um... your mom let me in.
I got your text about wanting to talk.
Yeah. I-I do want to.
Yeah, I was nearby, so...
Okay, I can't watch you do that.
(chuckles): Let me...
Okay, thank you.
It's a little snug.
Well, I just had a baby.
I know. Do you have something else?
No, you're gonna get this on.
Got it.
Okay.
On it.
(faint grunt, pant)
♪ ♪
(softly): I know I shouldn't be upset about the kiss.
You can kiss whoever you want.
I just didn't know whether to tell you or not, since it didn't change anything.
It didn't?
No.
But I should have told you.
You've been so honest with me.
And that's when it hit him.
Not about everything.
What?
This...
(sighs) I'd be fired.
It's about Nadine.
Your old partner?
Uh, what, that you were sleeping with her?
Because that was pretty obvious.
But it's okay, 'cause it's none of my business.
Not that.
(sighs) It's that I let her go.
When I found out she was working for Sin Rostro, I told her to run, and gave her a head start.
What?
She said her nephew was threatened, and I believed her.
And now?
Do you?
I-I don't know.
Michael.
Michael: Is that thing on?
Uh...
Oh...
Scott, I don't care.
They need an intro; you have to do it.
Uh-oh. When did Rafael get here? Whew! At least the monitor's off.
I have to go.
I'm just making sure everyone's okay after the whole closet thing.
But I'm going to work. Bye, Jane.
Bye, Michael.
So... thanks for taking Mateo.
Of course. No problem.
And I wanted to say, let's not go to lawyers yet.
Let's just try to figure this out.
I'm not ready to... take the emotion out.
Rafael: And I totally get what you were saying today...
Raf.
Can we talk about this later, actually?
I have to get moving.
Excuse me.
Latin lover narrator: Which brings us here now to Lina's big birthday bash! Sorry I'm screaming! It's just so loud in here!
Excuse me. Oh! Sorry.
That was my breast pump. Sorry. Excuse me.
Lina?
Can we just talk? No. I'm dancing.
Um...
Hey, work, work. Yes.
What are you doing?
I'm sorry.
I really am. Lina!
What you did really sucked! I know.
And I know I said that nothing would change, but it did.
Everything changed. And I get it.
You're a mom. Yeah, but I don't want to be that mom that forgets about her friends, and all she does is talk about baby poop.
Right, and I felt like that was happening.
And I didn't want to let you down or lose you, so I panicked.
And I'm sorry.
Thanks, and thank you for coming.
And you can go now.
What?!
Come on, you don't have to stay just because you feel bad.
Oh, don't get it twisted.
I came because I felt bad.
But I'm staying because it's your 25th birthday.
And I'm ready to party!
Really?
Yes!
With your portable boob sucker?
Oh.
Oh. Oh, I'm pumping and dumping tonight.
Okay.
(whoops) Okay. Mm, mm.
Oh, is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?
No.
Yes. Yes!
Yes!
Oh, can I?
♪ Oh! With a little bit of uh, uh ♪
♪ And a little bit of uh, uh, I was like ♪
♪ Good gracious, ass is bodacious ♪
Oh!
♪ Flirtatious, trying to show faces ♪
♪ I'm looking for the right time to sh**t my steez, you know ♪
♪ Looking for the right time to flash them ki's ♪
Oh, girl!
♪ I'm leaving ♪
♪ Please believing, oh, me and the rest of my heathens ♪
What? What?
♪ Check it, got it locked at the top of the Four Seasons ♪
♪ Penthouse, rooftop, birds I feeding ♪
What?
♪ Uh, it's getting hot in here ♪
Oh.
♪ So take off all your clothes ♪
♪ I am getting so hot, I wanna take my clothes off... ♪
Oh, but...
♪ It's getting hot in here, so hot ♪
♪ So take off all your clothes ♪
♪ I am getting so hot ♪
♪ I wanna take my clothes off... ♪
Whoa!
Whoa! I just peed a little.
You know what we should do?
Get off this gross floor?
No. We should take a bathroom floor selfie to commemorate your birthday.
And your first pump-and-dump.
Oh.
Oh, my God! I haven't checked my phone.
Why? Is everything okay?
Everything's great.
For the first time since he was born, I haven't been thinking about Mateo.
Oh, my God, neither have I.
(laughs)
♪ ♪
Ooh, this song!
Mm! Go. I'll catch up.
No.
I can wait till you're done milking.
No, it'll take ten more minutes, and cleanup.
Go, find Nate and dance.
Okay.
Okay.
I love you, lady.
I love you, too.
Both: Oh!
Go!
Okay, okay, okay.
(sniffles, sighs)
Latin lover narrator: And there, on the floor, suddenly Jane wanted to do something completely and utterly... her. She wanted to write her paper. And so she did... on her cell. Jane would realize in the morning that it was all drunken gibberish. But for the moment, she felt like herself again.
What's this?
Fan art.
I don't think they captured my gravitas.
(knocking)
Did you sign the non-disclosure agreement?
If I say a word, I pay restitution.
Now give me my bunnies, you monster.
Ah, Xiomara, enjoy watching Disc 142, Part C.
It's quite a revelation.
What's on Disc 142, Part C?
Just a long-held, very deep secret of mine.
Oh.
Look, you don't have to share if you don't want to.
Thank you. I appreciate that.
Latin lover narrator: Okay, that's not the answer she was expecting.
Hey, Raf, uh, I am here to pick up Mateo.
Rafael: I'm walking into your house right now.
Didn't you get my text?
(musical jackpot sounds)
Oh, no. I must have missed it.
Okay, um, Ubering, and I will be there in 15 minutes.
Latin lover narrator: And that's when...
Hey. What are you doing here?
I'm, uh, dealing with Heidi.
How was the club?
I did "Hot in Herre"
You didn't. I did.
Talent-show style?
(laughing)
♪ ♪
Latin lover narrator: Whoa.
Whoa.
Latin lover narrator: It should be noted that when Jane arrived home, well... she was walking on air. Briefly. It's complicated.
(phone whooshes)
You gonna do-si-do on out of here?
Yup. Sure. (laughs)
Look, um, you were right.
I'm a little screwed up by what happened with my old partner, so, if I put that onto you...
What did happen?
She was working for Sin Rostro.
Yeah, I know. I just mean... Devil's in the details.
Another time.
Susanna: You were right.
Cordero's definitely hiding something.
Find out what it is.
That's why I'm here.
Scott: So glad you're here.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome...
Heidi Von Ocher!
(applause)
Heidi Von Ocher!
Oh, Nein! Nein! Ich komme zu spaet zu meinem Auftritt! Oh, nein! Nein!
(sighs)
Latin lover narrator: Hmm. That Web site looks familiar. Oh, I know where I've seen it! They'd been communicating with Rose. And now Rose was communicating with Luisa! Luisa was torn. On the one hand, Rose locked her in a mental institution, k*lled her father and kidnapped her nephew. On the other hand...
(fireworks popping)
Yup. It's hard to let go. But Petra, at least, had made some progress. For the first time, she started to imagine life without Rafael. And I'm not gonna lie. She felt pretty darn good.
Hello, Petra. (gasps)
Latin lover narrator: Well, that lasted about 17 seconds.
Milos. You could start calling first.
I like element of surprise.
Listen, I need to marry you... for tax purposes.
You knew when I give you hotel shares, there would be strings attached.
You know what?
You can have the hotel shares back.
Okay, I thought we could do things soft American way.
But I know all your secrets, Natalia.
Things that could send you to jail... with your mommy.
In any case, we are not there.
Let me do this right.
Petra, you will marry me.
Jane: Oh, it was beyond romantic.
It was the best kiss of my life, Ma.
And suddenly, it was so clear.
It's Michael.
(sighs)
Oh, no! Oh!
(sighs)
02x04 - Chapter Twenty-Six
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"Jane The Virgin" revolves around a devout young Latina woman, who must decide what to do after her doctor's error causes her to be artificially inseminated. Based on the Venezuelan telenova Juana La Virgen.
"Jane The Virgin" revolves around a devout young Latina woman, who must decide what to do after her doctor's error causes her to be artificially inseminated. Based on the Venezuelan telenova Juana La Virgen.