01x05 - A Bittersweet Grind (Une Mouture Amer)

[bunniefuu]

(Thunder rumbling)

(woman moans)

Addison.

Mitch.

How long have I been out?

You've been in a coma for almost two years.

And I've slept here every night.

Alone?

You know me too well.

What do the doctors say?

Do you mind turning that off?

Oh. No. Why? Do we have to?

Listen to me, defeat is a temporary condition.

Giving up is what makes it permanent.

I think, deep down, what kept me alive was knowing that you were out there... grinding.

And what kept me grinding was knowing that you were in here, being kept alive.

♪

So, for you, it's about the...

Yeah, it kind of is.

Okay.

Oh, will you say "Grinder rests"?

Grinder rests!

Yes! Yes! Mmm...

Hey, you guys got a second?

Yeah.

Yeah, what's up, buddy?

Just working something out in my head and I wanted to get your spin on it.

Okay.

sh**t.

Her name's Brie.

And, I don't know, I was thinking about pulling the trigger and asking her out.

Uh, no, I-I didn't realize... you liked somebody.

Maybe bring her over, watch a movie?

Stewart: Uh, yeah. Sure.

Yeah.

We look forward to meeting her.

Yeah.

Cool. Thanks, guys.

Are you kidding me?

Ethan is allowed to date and I'm not?

Why? Why is that?

Is it because he's a boy?

No, honey.

No. I mean, he's a boy, but that's...

He is a boy.

Stewart: But he's also...

He's Ethan.

You know? Like, it's...

He's Ethan.

He's Ethan.

I need to go calm myself down.

He's not asking to go on a date.

No.

It's like a playdate.

He's like...

Have a little friend come over. a little... you know...

They're gonna, you know, make popcorn or something.

You... he's like a little you.

He's like a little me, you know?

Yes. Yeah, yeah.

And when I was that age, I didn't...

I didn't try things.

No.

You know? I didn't... I didn't have moves.

Oh, God, no. I'm sure you did not.

Well, you don't have to be so definitive about it. I developed moves Well... No, I'm just... not long after that. I got moves.

Yeah. Oh, you got moves.

How did my arm get here? That's a move.

I didn't even realize that went up there.

That's the move. Come here.

What else? What else?

I'll show you more.

Oh, yeah? Mmm.

I will never have what you two have.

Oh, my gosh.

That was terrifying.

Wow, just right there.

Do you think that some people are destined to never find love?

Because you had a couple of bad dates?

No, I've had one bad date.

The same bad date that I've been having ever since The Grinder became a staple of the culture.

You... you think it's a staple of the culture?

Whole... whole culture.

These women don't want to... make love to me.

They want to have... a filthy one-night stand with The Grinder, so they can... tell their friends about it.

What a nightmare that must be for you.

It's a nightmare you're never gonna have to endure.

You lucky son of a bitch.

Debbie: You know, I do actually feel sorry for him.

I'm sorry. What was that?

It sounds like you said you feel bad for Dean?

Think about it. Every woman he ever meets, he has to wonder if she only likes him because he's famous.

Oh, that's not true. I'm sure a lot of women like him because he's absurdly handsome and rich.

(program resumes)

But think about it this way: the sooner he finds love, the sooner he moves out of our house.

Now, that I like. That was good.

Right? Yeah, that brought you right in.

Honey, why didn't you open with that?

I just thought of it.

Well, babe, that... I mean, how do we do that? I want to do that.

What's-what's the first step?

I don't...

Can we, like, set him up with someone?

Is there someone from before he was famous?

That's a great area. Let's explore that.

High school? Like someone from high school?

Gail Budnick.

Gail... Budnick.

They went to prom together.

That is perfect.

And then, you know, he went to L.A. and became The Grinder, and she stayed here and she got married but then her marriage fell apart and we handled the divorce.

And, honey, she holds up.

She holds up.

Does she hold up?

You got to see her. I mean, she looks...

I got, I got to see it?

Her body, it's like... (mutters)

Tell me more.

Just... I'm excited for Dean.

I'm excited for Dean!

You seem very excited.

I'm so happy for him! Oh, my God, this is perfect, honey!

Hey, Dean. Uh, what are you doing?

That is the question, isn't it?

Yeah, that's-that's why I asked it.

Todd, why are you here?

I'm here in case he wants to bounce ideas off me.

Dean, I have someone here who I think you'll be excited to see.

G-Gail?

Hi!

Gail Budnick!

Yes. Oh, my goodness. Dean.

What?! Who did this?

Did you do this?

I did.

He did, he did.

Todd: Wow, what is... happening?

Oh, um, a million years ago, Dean and I were kind of an item.

More than an item, right? I mean, uh, I gave Gail my virginity, Todd.

He did.

Mm.

(whispers): I still have it.

Keep it.

(chuckles)

You look exactly the same.

Thank you. So do you.

Really, in a... in a kind of a scary way the same.

Thank you.

So what-what are you doing back here?

I-I heard you were in Hollywood and you became a big ol' actor, right?

Dean has been The Grinder for the past eight years.

The Grinder. What is...

You haven't seen the show?

Oh, that's a show?

Todd: Not just a show.

It's a friggin' staple of our culture.

It's called The Grinder? That's the title of it?

The Grinder?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Was that always the title?

Yeah.

I'm sorry. I...

I don't own a television, so...

I'm more of a book girl.

Did you hear that, Stew?

She's more of a book girl.

Mm-hmm.

Doesn't own a television.

Yeah. No, I-I've been standing here the whole conversation.

Yeah, you have.

You know, Dean, our firm handled Gail's divorce.

Oh, that's very unfortunate.

Mm. It was for the best.

Todd, I think it's time we go.

I'm doing good.

I... No, I think we got a little work to do in the office you were talking about.

I like watching.

I think we should... get to... get to work.

I feel warm.

We should leave the room, Todd.

Okay.

Let's go, please. Thank you. All right.

They really hit it off.

And she's never seen the show.

Never even seen it.

Doesn't own a television.

Oh, she's one of those.

Yeah, but, like, in a cool way.

Yeah?

Hon, I'm telling you, it worked, okay?

Dean is all in.

And she's all in?

Mm-hmm.

It's kind of fast, right? I mean, does that seem a little desperate?

Deb, don't poke holes. This is good. This is what we want.

Okay.

I mean, we like her.

All right. I'll take your word for it.

Thank you for not putting a damper on what's been the best day I've had in weeks.

Actually...

What? No. What actually?

No...

Just a thought.

Are we being unfair to Lizzie?

Because she pressed me on the whole double standard thing today, honey, and I got to say she made some really good points.

But... it's Ethan.

Did you tell her that?

Of course. Of course I did.

But she kept hammering me, and... you know, after you say "it's Ethan" a couple dozen times, it starts to feel pretty thin.

Deb, you have to stay strong.

Hey. I'm sorry to bother you.

Stew, do you have a sec?

Uh, yeah. Always.

No time is inappropriate.

Okay, 'cause I hate to spring this on you.

But is there any way that you could cover for me at work?

I'm thinking of whisking Gail away for a couple days.

Wow, that's serious.

Wow!

Uh, well, that's gonna be a... a big loss at-at the office...

And I'm so sorry. I don't want to leave you in the lurch.

No, no. You won't. Let me just... Give me a second.

If I figure it out... Claire could cover the thing there, and then Todd could do the other thing, then I could stay late a couple of nights, and then I think it could work.

'Cause I could hold off...

No, don't hold off.

He could hold off.

We'll make it work, we'll figure it out somehow, we'll all pull together to make this happen for you.

Great. Great. Thanks.

You know what? How about this?

Next week I cover for you.

Don't do that.

Ah, no. I insist.

Oh... thanks, Dean.

♪ Hey, now ♪
♪ You better listen to me, every one of you ♪
♪ We've got a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of work ♪
♪ To do, uh! ♪
♪ Today you're working Terrific. Thank you very much. ♪
♪ For the man ♪

Got it.

♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh... ♪

Okay, 2:00.

All right, I will see you on Tuesday. Done.

Nice!

Whoo!

Whoo!

(both chuckle awkwardly)

♪ 'Cause you're working for the man ♪
♪ Working for the man ♪

Stewart: Before we get started, just a... a huge thank-you for a super productive week.

It was... very refreshing to get back into the rhythms of an actual law firm again.

Good morning.

Dean Sr.: Deano! Where you been?

Yeah, I been texting you all week, player.

I've been avoiding your texts all week, player, 'cause, well, when you're in love, texting the third banana at work just seems sort of meaningless.

I get that.

So it's going well, huh?

Let me put it to you this way.

Love is a tapestry furnished by...

I'm sorry, Claire, is this weird for you to hear?

Oh, not at all.

'Cause of our thing.

I want to be respectful.

We never had a thing.

You're being so cool about all this.

So cool.

You are very cool.

Dean: And, Stew, thank you, for reintroducing me to the love of my life.

This is... the realest thing that I've ever felt.

Dean Sr.: Deano, I'm getting the chills just hearing you talk about it.

Me, too.

And thank you for popping in to tell us about it.

Where are you off to now? You gonna go back to Gail's, or maybe you got another trip somewhere?

Oh, n-no, no. I want to start pulling my weight around here.

I feel terrible about how much time I've been away, as it is.

What are we into?

Well, uh, we're, um... we're talking about this civil suit...

Oh! There was nothing civil about the suit Gail had on the other day.

We went up to the lake, and...

I'm so sorry, Claire...

It's totally fine. I could give a...

You're being so cool about this.

So cool.

You really are.

Stewart: I mean, sure, he h*jacked the staff meeting and then went on and on about her bathing suit, but, honey, I think we're really headed in the right direction.

I mean, he's, like, a week away from legitimately moving in with her.

Oh, great. Maybe he can buy her a TV.

Babe, we are Team Budnick in this house.

Dean: Um, excuse me. Lizzie just downloaded me on this whole dating thing, and I got to tell you, it doesn't sound like equal treatment to me.

I think you'd better let her go on the date with Zadak.

You think that?

Or either that, or cancel Ethan's date with Brie.

Ethan: That's a nonstarter over here.

I got Brie locked down for Friday.

So I'll say it again.

I think the Zadak date needs to happen.

Lizzie: Thank you, Uncle Dean, for being the only one who understands me.

Guys, Uncle Dean does not get to weigh in on this, because Uncle Dean is not a parent.

All right, this is not the way I wanted this to come out.

Um, but since you've backed me into a corner, I will move my announcement up to right now.

Everybody...

I'm gonna be a father.

Others: What?!

Dean: I know. It came as a total surprise to me, too.

Wait, Gail is pregnant?

When did this happen?

Stew, Gail's not pregnant.

We've been together for a week.

How does that timeline even work?

It doesn't work.

No. She has a son from her previous marriage, and... she's decided that it's time for me to meet him and... essentially, raise him.

As my own.

Oh.

So you just chose to phrase that in the most misleading way possible.

The most dramatic way possible.

Debbie: Hm.

Oh, no! Dean!

Are you okay?

I'm so sorry. I should have been here.

I'm fine, Todd.

I'm just exhausted.

This parenting thing is rewarding, but... takes it out of you.

Want to knock off early? Sounds like that kid you met three days ago is really running you ragged.

No, I can't let a law firm go down the tubes just because my son had a fever and I was up all night with him.

So you're calling him your son now?

Claire, you have been so ridiculously cool up until this point, but to imply that Toby can't be my son because we're not related is hurtful.

That's out of bounds.

That's not what I said.

And I would never say that, because I'm adopted.

Bulletproof response.

I'm backing off it.

I was just surprised that you felt such a strong bond so quickly.

But if you're serious, I guess that's great.

I feel like if I had stayed in Boise, this is the life I would've had.

Maybe it's not too late for me to have a life like yours, Stew.

That's nice, Dean.

And I got to be The Grinder, so I got to have all that other stuff.

Almost better in a way, right?

Yeah, in a way.

Now that I'm a parent, I have loads of new respect for what you guys do... it is the hardest job in the world. You know, you don't always make the right decisions, but you're in there, and you're just...

Uh, what do you mean?

Debbie reached out to me, still conflicted about the Lizzie thing and...

She did?

So I bounced it off Gail, and she felt exactly the same way.

You got to give them both equal treatment.

That's what-what Gail felt?

We all felt.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

I'm gonna take a nap in your office.

Hey, please hold my calls.

Has he ever even gotten a call here?

I've called him here.

What? You said equal treatment, and-and that's equal treatment.

You know that that is not what I meant.

I did not mean for Lizzie to babysit Ethan.

Well, what I heard from you and Lizzie and Dean and Gail Budnick...

Okay. was that it had to be equal.

And what I see in there is an equal double date.

I'm gonna go see how they're doing on popcorn.

Great.

Stewart: Whoa! What is going on!

What? What? What's happening?

Stewart: They were... they were making out!

Ethan!

What?

"What?" This-this is not... this is not supposed to happen.

No, no, no.

I made my intentions pretty clear.

Yeah. I knew what he was all about.

What were you...

But hey, it's Ethan, so...

This whole thing, this is over. Brie, you need to go call your mom, 'cause you're going home.

Sorry about this, Brie.

Go call Judy, and I'll sort this out.

Debbie: Are you gonna sort it out?

Get upstairs.

Call Judy.

We're gonna talk about this later.

And, you, Zadak, go home!

He didn't do anything.

Why do I have to leave?

Because you do.

Let's go.

Kid's got some moves, huh?

Zadak! Zadak!

Go home.

Debbie: How are you so happy right now? Were you not just in the same house with me, where we caught our child making out with another child?

Oh, I was in the same house as you, Deb, and I am not happy about that... but, honey, I've left that at home.

I brought my happy face tonight.

We are so close. We're not here to pull threads.

We're here to have a nice dinner and watch Dean fake-parent his pretend kid.

Hey!

Hey!

There they are.

Oh, Gail is cooking up a storm, and Toby should be up from his nap any minute.

Oh, oh, oh!

No shoes. We are a socks-only household.

Seriously?

Yeah.

We read an article.

Oh. Thank you.

So, we were in the middle of the fair, and Toby just had a meltdown.

Uh-oh.

Well, he wanted to ride that Scrambler again and again, and I had an appointment.

I just said, "You go," then I took the boy Yeah. on the Scrambler three more times.

Oh!

Don't tell Mom.

Aah! I'm not hearing this. It's my baby. That's my baby.

And then we just met back here.

Well, I thought your car was back at the house.

We used Toby's car.

Toby has a car?

If you can call it that.

That's a whole...

Because that, I don't even know what that is.

I-I thought Toby was your son.

Yeah.

I'm sorry. I don't, I don't, I don't understand.

What up?

God, I slept forever.

It was a crazy day.

Oh.

Oh, this is... Toby?

Mm-hmm.

Last I checked.

This is an adult man.

Right.

Pop, why didn't you wake me?

You need your rest.

Mm-hmm.

And you look so adorable when you sleep.

Oh, he's cutest.

Mmm.

Sucks I over slept.

I was looking forward to meeting you guys, but... now I got to go to work.

Stew, Deb, we'll do this another time?

Yes, looking forward to it, Toby.

Can't wait for that... Toby.

Chill. Chill. Chill.

Plant some love.

Mwah.

Dean: Aw.

Stewart: Um...

Gail: The cutest. Huh.

(chuckles)

So, h-how old is Toby?

Twenty-three.

He's 23.

Years old.

Stewart: I did not... I did not expect that.

Oh, pretty sure I mentioned it.

No, you definitely did not.

Regardless, it's a fun age. Just want to freeze 'em.

You know, he's a bit of a handful, I have to say though. But, you know, Mmm.

Mmm. you never, ever give up on your kids.

No, in this house, we never give up.

No.

Because defeat is a temporary condition.

Mm, and giving up is what makes it permanent.

Stewart: Huh.

What did you just say, honey?

Which?

Debbie: I like that.

Is that from something?

I'm not... You know, I probably read it in a book.

What book, babe?

I'm not... I'm not sure.

Excuse me. The oven.

Dean, are you all right?

Not anymore.

Gail: Cheesecake.

Debbie: It looks great.

Oh, wow. Beautiful.

Thank you. Yeah.

(mutters)

Gail.

Oh, God, don't. Don't, Dean. Don't.

You're not really a book girl, are you?

Yes, I am.

I'm a book girl.

You said Toby was going to work? What-what kind of, uh, work does he do?

He's explained it, and I don't understand.

So...

Unusual way to arrange your couches, Gail.

All focused on a wall with one single painting on it.

But that painting doesn't sit flush against the wall, does it?

It's always bothered me, but I let it go.

I suppose for fear of... what it meant.

Dean, from here, it-it looks flush.

I-I think it's good. I think... You're-you're standing at an awkward angle, so it's not as...

Stewart, remove that painting from the wall.

I mean, you're up.

Debbie: Just do it.

Mm.

(clears his throat)

(quietly): Oh, God.

It's on there real solid.

Stew!

This is hard enough as it is.

The painting, please.

(sighs)

Dean: There appears to be... some sort of bracket.

Stewart: In fairness, Dean, this could be anything.

The kind of bracket that one might use to mount... a television.

Judging from the dust pattern, it might be as much as 50 inches of plasma.

Hey, Dean, this could have been here before she moved in.

Gail, this was here when you... when you moved in, right?

No.

No, it wasn't.

Dean: You didn't get that line from a book, did you? You got it from a little show Entertainment Weekly called "one of the more competent legal dramas in quite some time."

Oh, she's seen The Grinder.

We were so close.

I have just one question: Why?

It was my only chance.

I had read in this interview that-that you said, "No one can be a fan and a friend."

I'm so, so sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

I can't say that I enjoyed grinding you like that.

I deserved it.

Yeah, are we sure this can't still work?

I feel like it may be good.

No. Look at him.

He'll never trust me again.

Who's gonna tell Toby?

That we're breaking up?

I honestly don't think he's gonna give a crap.

Then you tell him.

Hey, um, can I just... ask you for one more favor?

You want to have sex with me while we watch The Grinder.

If it's not too much trouble.

You guys, would you mind?

No, I would prefer it.

Uh, no. We also are gonna...

Stewart: Thank you for... a lovely night.

...go have sex.

I got to...

Come on in the car. Let's go.

It's cold outside!

Thank you.

Debbie: Bye.

All right.

Oh. So we're doing this at home now.

Hey, come on.

Dean, I don't want to get up on that.

All right, okay.

(grunts)

(Stewart groans softly)

Hmm? Nice, right?

Yeah, this is amazing.

Yeah.

Look, Dean, I'm sorry things didn't work out with Gail.

I really wanted that... for you.

Yeah, and it's just so much harder when there are kids involved.

Yeah, kids, or... a fully-grown adult man.

And I'm sorry that I got involved in that whole Lizzie thing.

I mean, I'm not a better parent than you.

At most, I'm equally good.

Yeah.

I'm just never gonna have what you have.

That's not true, Dean. You will.

You just need to start a little slower.

I don't know. It's not like I have it all figured out.

I mean, look at this Ethan thing. I...

I always thought he was so much like me, and then... I see him with this girl, and he's...

He's more like me.

As scary as that is.

So are you asking me to be a...

Talk to him.

...a third parent to...?

Both: To talk to him.

And work my way towards...

Well, let's see where it goes organically.

Oh, man, thank you.

This is gonna be great.

Ethan!

Dean! It's the middle of the night.

Ethan!

Okay. All right, hold on.

I guess we're gonna do it now then?