01x08 - Hitchin' a Ride

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Guardians of the Galaxy". Aired: September 2015 to June 2019.*
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"Guardians of the Galaxy" picks up where the film left off and they patrol the universe protecting it from various villains that thr*aten it.
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01x08 - Hitchin' a Ride

Post by bunniefuu »

♪♪

Rocket: There ain't no magical, life-giving Cosmic Seed here, Quill.

This place is deader than a... dead thing.

Quill: Well, then, why would my boom box map send us here, Rocket?

[clicks]

[alarm sounds]

And who tripped the alarm?

Drax: I do not trip. I am very sure-footed.

Unlike some of us.

I am Groot?

What Drax means is that you're usually the one messin' up...

Yi-i!

[blowing]

See? A trap. I told you we were in the right place.

You get us stuck, and I gotta get us out.

As per usual.

You been using my pocket dimension vial to vacuum the ship?

I am Groot.

Gamora: Argue about housekeeping later. We need to get out of here.

You heard Gamora, Groot.

Quill: Make like a tree, and... leave!

[screaming]

[groans]

[sighs]

Hey, the boom box is glowing!

The Cosmic Seed's gotta be down here!

That's what you said the last time, Quill.

And all we got was another dot on the map!

Specifically, this dot on the map!

Quill: H-Hey, cool! Echo! [echoing] Echo. Echo.

Stop copyin' me!

Echo!

[all gasp]

[chuckles]

That's better. Wait... what?

Is it just me... or are those shadows moving?

Drax: They are not shadows. They are substance.

And they are not just moving. They are attacking!

Quill: Here we go. Hole in one!

Don't touch them!

I will not touch.

I will s*ab!

[grunting, roaring]

They're Symbiotes. They don't destroy, they take you over.

Your mind, your thoughts, everything!

And nothing affects them but heat and vibration.

And I'm gonna bring the heat!

Okay, heat's not working.

It's just making the Symbiote madder!

Groot, keep it off us while I rig an thermal blast.

I am Groot!

Clobber him, doofus! He ain't Drax no more!

[groans]

All right. Together now.

Let's light 'em up!

[shrieking, roaring]

Now we're cooking!

Ha!

Thank you, friend Rocket. You knew I could withstand the flames.

Uh... Yes! Yes. Yes, I did, friend Drax.

Maintain suppressive fire!

Quill: Like to see you booger beasts try to get past this firewall!

Rocket: Careful what you wish for, Quill!

They're learning, adapting.

Aw man, I hate it when they do that!

[growling]

I found us a way out! Follow me!

Gamora: Do you have any idea what you're doing, Quill?

Quill: Some. A little. Maybe. I don't know.

Get in!

Gah!

I saw this in a movie!

Drax: What is a "movie"?

It's a big story that you pay money to watch on a screen.

So it is a lie.

Yeah, but I saw this lie like, six times in a row on opening weekend.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

These Symbiotes are cunning. Everyone stay sharp and focused.

Hey! This baby has speakers!

♪♪ [disco b*at]

♪ Shake it, shake it ♪


♪ Shake your groove thing ♪

Ya-hoo!

[hissing]

I got your [hiss] right here!

♪ Show them how we do it now ♪

[grunting, groaning] ♪ Shake your groove thing Shake your groove thing ♪
♪ Show them how we do it now Show them how we do it now ♪


Drax, brake! Brake!

[grunts]

Broken.

♪ Bad enough to strut out stuff ♪
♪ The music gives us a chance ♪


And that is why I went to see that movie six times!

I still do not understand why people would pay money for this.

I am Groot!

♪ Funky sounds ♪


Rocket: Get off of him, you overgrown snotball!

[hissing]

♪ Havin' us a ball, y'all ♪

I apologize for what I must do, friend Groot!

Yah!

[sadly] I am Groot.

Ah, quit whining. It'll grow back.

Once again, Star-Lord saves everyone with his awesome plan.

You got an awesome plan for them?

Um, okay. Well, they hate fire and vibrations, right?

Only the fire wasn't working.

So we crank up the vibrations.

Awesome plan, Quill. And by "awesome," I mean "idiotic."

So idiotic, it might actually work.

I'll just run all the power into the speakers.

♪♪ [rock drums]

Quill: Feel the b*at! Whoo!

[Symbiote roars]

Yes! Score another one for the amazing Star-Lord!

Ow!

♪♪ [drums continue ]

I am Groo-o-ot!

He is not enjoying the music.

Aw, but he loves my tunes!

Not when the vibrations thr*aten to tear him apart, limb from limb.

Just got to ruin everything, don't ya?

[angry] I am Groot!

What do you mean, "end of the line"?

Eh... aah!

[screaming]

all: Whoa!

[sighs]

Hey, check it out. We're alive!

[rumbling]

Oh, come on!

Hey there, Boyo.

Imagine meetin' you all the way out here.

Not a good time for a family reunion, Yondu.

There's a whole bunch of cheesed-off symbol-things...

Symbiotes...

Right underneath us, and they're on their way up here!

Underground monsters? Now, that's just an insult to my intelligence.

And after I saved you from being eaten all them years ago.

You mean, eaten by your own crew?

Right after you abducted me?

Just hand over the Cube so's I can give it to Korath and get paid?

Hey. I might even let you live!

I'm sentimental like that.

You know, I'm the only one who can make the Cube work.

It's useless in anybody's hands but mine.

[chuckling]

Then we'll take your hands too!

We ain't particular! Ain't that right, boys?

[laughing]

[Ravagers laughing]

Unless you already found what you been lookin' for down in that mine?

I might be willin' to make a deal.

Okay. Deal.

You let us go, you can have everything we found in the mine.

In three, two, one.

[rumbling]

All yours, Yondu!

[shrieking]

Yondu: What you boys waitin' for? sh**t! sh**t!

Hey, hey, hey! Not the ship, you boneheads!

[whistles]

Hyah! Yah!

We have to protect the Ravagers.

Why? It's not like they're friends.

If the Symbiotes bond with them, they'll be worse than enemies.

How can you tell the difference?

Super strength, shape-shifting, and an uncontrollable urge to k*ll.

[snarling Symbiotes]

New plan! Protect the Ravagers!

[roaring]

[groans]

Groot!

I got every w*apon in the known universe in here, so get ready to be...

You used my vial to clean Quill's room?

That's disgusting! Hey. That would work.

What? My underwear?

Rocket: No, this!

Hey! Steer 'em this way!

[yells]

Yah!

[hissing]

[roars]

That's for stealing my buddy's arm!

Nice goin', Rocket.

Our work here is done.

Hey, you ain't gonna leave us here with no way to fix our ship, Boyo?

'Course not.

Knock yourself out.

[growls]

Quill: Let's go. Anywhere but here.

Those Symbiotes were more powerful and adaptable than the ones I faced before.

Something evolved them.

Something like the Cosmic Seed?

The Boom Box went boom, so it must have been there at some point.

It's like we're following a trail of Cosmic Seed breadcrumbs.

And here's the latest crumb.

I still say that thing is messing with us.

At least we escaped unharmed.

I am Groot!

Well, okay. Mostly unharmed.

But don't think that's getting you out of cleaning detail.

I am Groot.

Well, I can't do it! I still got to reconfigure the whats-its, to work with the new gizmos we installed.

I have to fly the ship.

Navigator.

And I must prepare our meal.

Grraah, I am Groot?

Because everything you cook tastes like fertilizer.

And don't try to play the "last of my kind" card.

I'm the first and last of my kind. And you don't hear me whinin' about it!

I am Groot.

[grumbles] [growling]

[motor shuts down]

I am Groot?
Rocket, what did you do to my ship?

Nothin'! But I gotta fix it, since I'm the only one who knows how to change a fuse around here!

Quill: Fortunately, I keep a stash of double-A batteries for just such an emergency!

Wait. Where's my tape player?

Ahh. Alone at last.

Rocket, echoing: My vial... my vial...

Quill's room... Quill's room...

That's disgusting... That's disgusting...


[hissing, roaring]

[grunting]

Quill, echoing: It's a fake story... fake story...

Quill?

[chittering]

Rocket, echoing: Clobber him... clobber him...

He ain't Drax... He ain't Drax...


[groans]

Ah! Quill!

[screams]

[twittering]

Gamora: We're going to Hala? The Kree Homeworld? That's not what the map says.

[beeps]

I can't change the nav coordinates. Someone's got control of the ship.

Quill, echoing: Let's go... let's go...

Anywhere but... Anywhere but...

Gamora: If the Symbiotes bond... Symbiotes bond...

...worse than enemies... worse than enemies...


Echoes?

[grunts]

[growling]

Quill, we have an intruder!

[Gamora groaning]

Groot, if you jacked my tunes...

Gamora echoing: Alone at last... Alone at last...

We're going to Hala... going to Hala...

Someone's got control of the ship... control of the ship...

Drax echoing: I am very sure... very sure...

Unlike some of us... Unlike some of us...

Gamora: Are those shadows... moving... moving...


Holy pod people!

Hang on! I'm gonna get you out of here! Ah!

[screams]

[socket wrench ratcheting]

I am Groot?

There you are! Make yourself useful and hold this flashlight for me.

Whoa! Somebody changed our course.

And then ripped out the auxiliary controls.

But... why?

I am...

Gamora: Symbiote.

Rocket.

Okay, that's new. And creepy.

Groot-Symbiote: Very alone.

[Symbiote speaking in recorded voices] Robots... must... yes!


Take it easy, big guy! You still remember your best bud Rocket!

Symbiote imitating Rocket: You're usually the one messing up!

Quit whining.

Just gotta ruin everything, don't ya?

And don't try to play the "last of my kind" card.


Heh-heh. No... hard feelings?

Quill: Rocket, run!

Ah-ha-ha! Ha-ha!

[growling]

Rocket: Wha'! Ugh. That ain't gonna stop 'em for long!

Where's Drax and Gammy?

Some kind of cocoon thing. I mean, I think they're okay, but I can't get them out.

So Groot's been taken over by one of those kumbaya things?

"Symbiote." Said it wanted to grow, so it took over Groot and h*jacked the ship!

Well, we're okay as long as we steer clear of any populated planets.

Does 100 billion Kree count as "populated"?

Ah!

Yes.

Rocket: Quick! In here!

[screaming]

A little big ship welding should buy us some time.

We got to warn the Kree Homeworld.

Maybe they can keep the ship from landing.

You know, without k*lling us.

Nah, Groot ripped out the comm when he tore up the auxiliary controls.

What we need is a w*apon.

Quill: Yes! Another music-blaster thing.

Only way more powerful!

Wait. You took my tape player?

Rocket: Groot may love your tunes, but they give me a splittin' headache.

But remember back in the mine?

Won't cranking them to 11 do worse to Groot?

I can't think about that now.

[banging]

I had the door reinforced for smuggling.

No way he's getting in.

We are not a servant.

We will not "be useful"!

[Quill grunts, yells]

Wow, this guy learns fast!

We will no longer be "the last of our kind."

With the power of the Cosmic Seed, We will spread our kind throughout the universe!

Don't make me do this, bud.

If you're still in there, please don't make me do this!

Okay, wait! Which kind are we talking?

The trees or the goop? 'Cause now I'm really confused.

Don't matter, Quill. 'Cause the only thing I'm spreadin'... is pain!

[moaning]

Ha-ha! I knew you could do it, buddy!

You're tougher than any d'ast Symbiote!

Mmm. I am Groot.

No-o!

No! Uh, there's gotta be something!

A twig. A splinter... Anything!

[crying] He can't be gone!

Rocket, I... His arm.

What about his arm?

[sniffing]

What?

The Symbiote that took his arm.

You sucked him up in the storage dimension vial.

If I go in and get Groot's arm, you could regrow him from that!

Yeah. Yeah!

The big guy's grown back before from a toothpick.

But you ain't going. I am.

He's my best bud and I did this to him.

I gotta make it right.

[whining]

[humming]

I won't be able to communicate while in the storage dimension.

Let's synchronize watches.

Okay, you've got ten minutes.

When that alarm goes off, I open the vial to let you out.

On three. One, two...

Wait, should it be "one, two, three go?"

Or just like, one two three?

[angry] Three!

[thinking] Man, this is a lot of junk!

They really got to do something about that hoarding instinct.


All right, slimeballs. Come get some!

So! Which one of you grease stains swiped my bud's arm, huh?

Was it you? Or was it you?

And, back to manual control.

No Kree Homeworld on today's menu.

[beeping]

Ho, ho. Now, you didn't think you was gettin' away that easy, did you, Boyo?

Our Ravagers are currently boarding your ship, so... if you could drop your w*apon, I'd greatly appreciate it.


Up till now, I've been a kind and patient father figure.

But you betrayed my trust once too often!

I want that Cube, Quill. Now.

I will do everything in my power to make sure you never get it.

Knock yourself out, Quill. Or better yet, I will.

Ugh!

[squishing]

Ohh... Uh!

No one cocoons Drax.

[groaning]

Unh!

What took you so long?

Running out of time here. Where is that d'ast arm?

[roaring]

There it is! Okay, this situation calls for total, surgical precision!

Get ready to be dis-armed!

[roaring]

Huh! Sorry, chump, that's my ride calling.

Any time now.

[growls]

Quill!

Well, looky here. A storage dimension vial.

You think I wouldn't find this, Boyo?

You been hiding swag in your boot since you was a pup.

Fellow in my line of work could put this to good use.

Now where's that Cube?

Okay. I'll give you the Cube.

Just, whatever you do, do not open that vial.

I'm serious!

Hmm.

You put it in here, didn't you? Yeah.

You can't hide nothin' from me, boy.

I can read you like a book.

A book I writ myself.

Ahh!

Ohh!

You keep your pet in there?

Pet this, you toothless... Huh?

[clanking]

It's gonna blow!

Aw, not again.

I leave you alone for ten minutes, Quill.

And this is what happens?

That is so not fair!

[screaming]

Dude! Behind you!

[groaning]

It was kind of you to warn them.

[twittering, beeping]

Hold on to your shorts!

[engine roaring]

Holding.

[alarm blasting]

I'll get you, Quill! I swear, I'll get you for this one, boy!

We still have the problem of a Ravager ship full of Symbiotes.

Not necessarily. Remember that wrench I gave Yondu?

Yeah. Why?

[clinks]

[beeps]

No reason.

Gamora: Welcome back, Groot.

Don't scare us like that again, okay?

So... I know I've been treating you kind of harsh lately.

But all that angry, taking-over-the-universe stuff, [laughs] that was just a Symbiote talking, right, buddy?

I am Groot.

Okay. I get it. I'll take clean-up duty for this run.

But you owe me!

Gimme that. The rest o' youse, keep your big yaps shut!

No cheating using the vial!
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