01x09 - We Are Family

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

Peter: According to my Boom Box, the Cosmic Seed should be just up ahead.

Rocket: How many mud balls we gotta search to find the stinkin' thing, Quill?

I'll scour every last planet to keep it out of the hands of Thanos.

Agreed, Gamora. And I, to exact my revenge.

Rocket: (SIGHS) You know, it ain't healthy to hold onto the past like that, Drax.

Not true, Rocket.

This image of my family requires no effort to carry.

But I would hold onto it, if it weighed a thousand tons.

What I mean, Mr. Literal, is I lost my family, too, but do I get all teary-eyed about it?

Nope. I said goodbye and never looked back.

'Cause there ain't no thing like me, except me.

Looks like we're too late.

The entire valley's been gutted.

The box says this mineral deposit is radiating Cosmic Seed energy.

It appears someone, or something, has been excavating the mineral.

Which means it's got to be worth something to somebody.

Or, I can make it go boom.

So, win-win. Good news, the Cosmic Seed was here.

Bad news, the "was" part.

On to the next mud ball?

I am Groot.

What's so familiar-looking about this place?

You've seen one strip-mined wasteland, you've seen 'em all.

Sentinel Drone: Subject 89p13. Subject 27q99.

I am Groot.

Okay, now, that's familiar.

Too familiar.

Friends of yours, Rocket?

Do I look like I got any friends?

Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy - S01E09

Sentinel Drone: Surrender, subject 89p13.

(BOTH GRUNT) What's subject 89p13?

A blast from my past.

Only I'm blasting back!

(GRUNTING)

Watch your right!

(GRUNTS) Metal fiend.

Subject 89p13, cease all defiant activity.

Wait. You're subject 89p13?

Call me that again, and you're gonna be swallowing teeth.

So what's the deal, then?

Remember when I told you me and Groot escaped from a lab where evil robo-scientists did horrible experiments on us?

Nope, not ringing a bell.

Could've swore I told you.

Think I'd remember something like that.

Okay, so maybe I didn't mention the evil robo-scientists.

Anywho, these are the guys!

(SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Drax, can't you swim?

Water is for cowards.

Like, like fish. Hey!

Get off of me!

Bigger problems ahead.

Oh, krutack.

(ALL SCREAMING)

All units, acquire subjects 89p13 and 27q99.

Ho-ho, you tin cans ain't takin' me back!

Cease all defiant activity. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTS)

I won't be your lab rat! Not again!

(GRUNTS)

(ROCKET GRUNTING)

I am Groot.

Cease all defiant activity!

(GROANING)

(THUDS)

(GASPS) (SIGHS)

Where's Drax? (INHALING SHARPLY)

(SIGHS)

Drax: (COUGHING) I hate water.

It cannot be trusted.

That's not the only thing that can't be trusted.

Those robo-g*ons are making off with Rocket and Groot.

Sentinel Drone: Open Galacian Wall.

Halfworld. I was hopin' we'd never lay eyes on this place again.

Groot: I am Groot.

Let me go. Let me go.

(BOTH GROANING)

Sentinel Drone: Cease all defiant activity.

Ah. (GRUNTS)

Huh?

Oh, no. You metal creeps ain't experimentin' on us again!

Lab chief: Subject 89p13, subject 27q99.

We have been tracking you for some time, via your cybernetic implants.

You have information we require.

Whoa! Ah, go rust, you lousy can opener.

I am Groot.

You were captured on planet Gruckkuk, where you sabotaged our mining operation, destroying our supply of a rare mineral with unusual properties.

The Cosmic Seed Energy.

The mineral has proven to be a more efficient means of accelerating evolution, and enhancing the intelligence of our animal test subjects.

Hey! Who are you calling animal?

Unfortunately, that has also enabled them to rebel.

You will tell me the location of the rebel base now.

I don't know nothin' about no rebel base.

And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you vacuum cleaners.

We anticipated that would be your response, and have prepared for that contingency.

Ma? Sis?

(STUTTERING) What did they do to you?

Not so special now, are you, Runt?

Don't even have enough brains to stay away from here.

My name's Rocket now, and I didn't come back on purpose.

Oh, so you were just gonna leave your poor mother and sister with those big, nasty robots?

What? No. We were captured.

Serves you right, hanging out with that tree.

Nothin' but a bad seed.

I am Groot.

Hey, I'm doin' good now.

We're saving the galaxy and stuff.

Huh, you can't even save yourself.

Yeah, that's my family, all right.

Kinda liked them better when they just chittered and rooted through trash.

But what can you do?

(PURRING)

Ma, Sis, this is Groot.

He's my best bud in the universe.

And I don't want to hear no grief over it.

I am Groot.

So what do you want? A medal?

(SIGHS)

Hey, where's my big bro?

Smart enough not to get captured.

Enough chatter, rodents.

All: We ain't rodents!

(ALL SCREAMING)

All right, you win.

The information you want is inside that vial.

(SOFTLY) And so are a bunch of other things that go boom.

Open the vial.

Suckers!

I am Groot.

Sentinel Drone: Cease all defiant activity!

(GRUNTS)

Come on. I'm gettin' us out of here.

What are you waitin' for, a standing ovation?

Let's go already.

(FRUSTRATED MUTTERING)

Don't worry, Ma. Me and Groot have busted out of a lot worse places than this.

Ma: That I don't doubt.

Subjects will cease all defiant activity.

I am Groot?

No grenades.

Too big a boom and this whole place would collapse.

So how's the big rescue coming along, Runt?

I don't know. How's keeping your big mouth shut coming along?

(GRUNTS)

Cease all defiant acti...

That's it, we're home free.

Ranger: Freeze! (g*ns POWERING UP)

Maybe not so free.

Get down!

Lab chief: You will surrender.

Violation. Viol...

Ma: Son, I knew you'd rescue us.

Sis: (GASPS) Ranger!

(GRUNTS) Hello.

I was doing a pretty good job of rescuing before your favorite child showed up.

Uh, good to see you, too, Runt.

This is my team, Blackjack and Wal Rus.

Better save the introductions, boss.

We got more drones incomin'.

Let's move.

Cover the rear, Runt.

I'll cover your rear with my boot.

Rocket: Okay, here's my plan...

Ranger: My plan is, we go back to base.

(ROCKET GROWLS)

Why are we goin' here?

This is the joint where we got experimented on.

Ranger: A lot has changed since you abandoned us, Runt.

Abandoned? You guys ran away from me.

(CHEERING)

You took over the lab?

The robots made us too strong, too smart, and too many.

We took up arms and drove them out.

Soon, we'll destroy 'em all.

I am Groot.

Whose side you on, Groot?

Serves those lousy toasters right, after what they did to us.

Besides, now that my family's safe, we can call the Guardians and ditch this little trip down amnesia lane.

Forget it, bro. Nothing can get through.

All signals bounce off the Galacian Wall the robots built.

Oh, you mean that energy field thingy around the planet?

Besides, what's your hurry, Runt?

(GRUNTS) Now that we're reunited, let's capture the moment!

(GROANS) Would it k*ll you to smile?

(CAMERA CAPTURING IMAGE)

There are my conquering heroes. (CROWD CHEERING)

Pyko, this is Ru... Uh, Rocket, and his friend Groot.

Pyko's the super-evolved genius who made our revolution possible.

What? They couldn't super-evolve your eyesight?

Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow. What'd I do?

Manners. Please forgive the runt, Pyko.

He ain't learned to respect his elders like the rest of my litter.

Now, do you have something for me?

This is all the robots had left when we raided their base.

Well done, Ranger.

It may not be much, but this mineral will enable me to continue my work, mmm-hmm, for the good of all our kind.

(SCOFFS) I got that pebble b*at.

Mmm.

I am Groot.

I don't know why you're so suspicious.

But if it will make you feel better, we can snoop around a bit.

Ranger: What you got there, bro?

Me? Nothin'.

Rocket: Long live the revolution.

This place brings back memories.

None of 'em good.

I am Groot.

Rocket: Guess I'm not the only one who got torn apart and put back together in here.

I can almost hear the voice of that creepy lab chief.

Lab chief 2: Subject 89p13, help me.

Huh? Oh!

(SCREAMS)

Subject 89p13, help me.

Help you? It looks to me like you got what you deserve, after what you put me and Groot through.

What we did was wrong, but what Pyko is doing to us is far worse.

Now he is experimenting on his own kind, your kind.

Now, why should I believe a twisted pile of circuits like you?

We sought only to improve animal life, in the name of science.

Our initial attempts were crude. (SCREAMING)

Then we found a mineral on Gruckkuk, with properties that accelerated the natural process of evolution.

In time, we realized our mistake, and sought to reverse it using the same method, but it was too late.

Too late for your kind, perhaps.

But today, our kind takes the next step in evolution.

What's that supposed to mean? Hey!

Sorry, Runt. We need this more than you do.

Don't you want revenge against the robots who were so cruel to you?

How's what you're doin' so different?

Because I am the one doing it.

With the energy extracted from this mineral, I can unlock the full evolutionary potential of our kind, and destroy the robots once and for all!

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

No! Don't do it, bro!

(GROWLS)

(GROANS)

Ranger! Wait! You're makin' a big mistake!

(SCREAMING AND GROWLING)

Rocket: Oh, Ma's not going to like this.

(ROARING)

What have you done to my brother?

He is no longer your brother.

He is an instrument of justice.

Ranger, destroy the traitors.

(ROARING)

Big brother just got bigger.

(ROARING)

Take it easy, big bro.

Look, I know you're still in there. Snap out of it!

I know the robo-scientists are working on a cure.

But can we really trust those gear heads?

Ranger is only the first.

Once I evolve all of our kind, we will never be victims again.

I didn't sign up for this.

He won't turn me into a savage.

I am Groot.

Pyko: No, you don't!

(YELLING)

(GRUNTING) (PYKO SCREAMING)

(GROANS)

(RANGER GRUNTS)

(GROWLING)

(GROANS)

Come on, Groot.

We gotta get my ma and sis out of this madhouse.

Ma! Sis! We're leaving.

Grandpa turtle's gonna turn us all into monsters.

I always knew your little brother wasn't right.

(ROARING)

(GASPS) Ranger!

What did you do to my precious boy, Runt?

How come you always gotta blame me, Ma?

And stop calling me Runt!

Rocket, go. Find the cure before Pyko mutates us all.

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

Bring them to the lab.

Lab chief: Subjects will drop their weapons.

How can you bring us back here after everything they've done?

We don't got much choice.

Is it true you got a way to reverse your evolution process?

Affirmative. We require only a small supply of the Gruckkuk mineral.

But you destroyed it. Not all of it.

Thank you. But how do we know we can trust you?

'Cause you don't got much choice.

I will prepare the equipment.

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

Ah! What is that racket?

Don't get me started.

That's right, it's rescue time.

Hand over the test subjects now.

Knock it off, Quill. The bots are on our side.

I'll explain later.

Peter: But I had entrance music.

So how'd you track us down and get past that planetary energy shield?

I'll explain later, too.

These the kind of losers you hang around with now, Runt?

Ma! These are my friends!

Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You're Rocket's mother?

I was told there would be fighting. Who am I to fight now?

Uh, how 'bout them?

Destroy them. Destroy them all!

(ROARING)

Let's get you two somewhere safe, huh?

Right. 'Cause you done such a good job of that so far.

Don't start with me, Ma!

(ROARING CONTINUES)

I am Groot?

Rocket: Don't hurt him! They don't know what they're doing!

Peter: They seem to have a pretty good idea to me!

(ROARING)

Peter: Oh, that's gotta hurt.

(ROARING)

I am Groot!

(GRUNTING) (GROWLING)

Ever wrestle a giant walrus?

Not professionally.

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

(DRAX YELLS) (GROANS)

(ALL PANTING) Come on.

Ma: I evolved for this?

Rocket: Hey! Nobody messes with my family.

Especially not some wrinkled, near-sighted reptile!

(AIRCRAFT HUMMING)

Ah. (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS)

Subjects, prepare to be devolved.

You will not undo my great works.

How 'bout I just undo your ride?

(ENGINE BURSTS) No!

(ROCKET GRUNTING)

Subject 89p13, I require assistance.

The de-evolution ray is primed, but there is only enough energy for a single sh*t.

Not if we aim at the sky.

Yes, of course. The Galacian Wall.

The beam will reflect off the inner surface of the energy shield and bathe the entire hemisphere.

But that'll mean it'll hit Ma and Sis. And me.

Ah, what's so great about talkin' and walkin' upright, anyway?

(PYKO GRUNTING)

No, you'll ruin everything.

Lay low, you shriveled-up maniac!

I am Groot.

I will have my (WAILING) revenge!

Oh, Ranger. I was so worried, son.

Listen, Ma. Before we turn back into woodland critters, I just gotta say, I... I know I'm just a runt, but...

I love you, Ma.

A mother loves all her children.

Even the runts, Rocket.

(ALL CRYING IN PAIN)

This is it, bro. Nice evolving with you.

While it lasted.

(GROANING)

(PURRING)

Yeah, what's goin' on? Why ain't I changin' back, too?

We used a completely different process on you, so you are not subject to the effects of the de-evolution ray.

It's like you always say, "Ain't no thing like you, but you."

But...

(CHITTERING)

Goodbye. Again.

Lab chief: They will be safe, Rocket. (SOBS)

Now that we understand the error of our ways, we shall protect all animal life on Halfworld.

You better, or I'll come back and reprogram youse all with blunt instruments.

Sorry you lost your family again.

Ah, they weren't so great.

I am Groot.

(GASPS)

A fine family portrait.

Hmm.

Yeah.