01x09 - Grinder Rests in Peace

[bunniefuu]

Objection, Your Honor... I think it's time we remind Counselor Grinder what state he's in.

Mr. Grinder, are you aware that we're in the great state of Louisiana?

I am now.

But I was in a completely different state last night.

I can tell you that.

(laughter)

Objection overruled.

Guilty on all charges.

Son, welcome to the South.

(gavel bangs, applause)

Woman: Well, that was impressive.

Especially considering that was our first case since you took over your brother's firm and relocated it here to New Orleans.

Your Honor?

If it pleases the court, may we have the room?

Clear the courtroom.

I want to hear you say it.

The way your brother never could.

Rake: You sure you can handle it?

Say it.

Grinder... rests.

Oh, yes!

(theme song playing)

Well, that was... not good.

Right?

Guy was shirtless through the whole episode.

I mean, that offended me.

I hate to think this is where TV is headed.

What didn't you like about it, Stew?

Uh, well, I didn't like the, uh, it didn't have the same, um, the same, the same quality, you know, as the, uh, as the original Grinder.

And-and what about this did you think was much worse?

Uh, I, uh...

(whispers): Timothy Olyphant.

Timothy Olyphant.

Huh.

He was disappointing.

I saw his face was handsome, you know, it was a handsome face?

Give me a break.

But pretty-boy handsome.

He's really pretty.

Yeah, not your kind of handsome.

Mm-mm.

And now we're supposed to care about The Grinder's brother?

Who wants to watch a show about his less cool, less handsome brother?

Not me.

No one.

Literally no one.

Not even a show.

I think there could be an audience for-for that.

Dean: "The Grinder: New Orleans... a fresh reimagining of what it truly means to grind."

Were they watching the same show we were?

I wouldn't get hung up on that.

They don't know what the hell's going on.

You're right. It's in the past.

I've moved on. Wish him all the best.

Not me. I hope it tanks.

It doesn't matter, does it?

'Cause what really matters is this... family.

So, let's do that.

Lizzie, what you got?

Oh...

I'm having trouble in math.

Fantastic, there's my girl. Anybody else?

Well, I got to go get my car washed.

It's got this smell in it.

I love it.

What about you, Stew?

What? What are we doing?

We're talking about our lives, Stew.

Ethan: I've got one.

Brie doesn't like me anymore.

I heard she likes Liam now.

Oh, sweetie, that sucks.

Buddy, are you okay?

I want to get her back, but I don't know how.

Well, have you tried telling her how you feel?

You can't go wrong with honest conversation.

Or you find a slightly hotter girl than Brie, you start hanging out with her, she starts to feel jealous, it messes with her self-esteem, and she comes crawling back to you.

I don't think we're trying to promote...

That could be cool!

Okay...

No, that's not cool! I think the honest conversation thing is the way to go.

You can try it.

But the hotter girl thing will be a lot more effective.

Yeah, I want to do that.

It feels like, even if stuff goes wrong, I could do okay.

Yeah, that move feels right for you.

Todd: I thought it was atrocious.

I thought that man... I don't even want to say his name... did a disservice to you, the character... not to mention, the entire franchise.

Thank you, Todd.

Claire, what were your issues with it?

Oh, I didn't have any. I thought it kind of worked.

Oh, here we go.

What did you just say?

I'm sorry, Dean, you shouldn't have to...

No, no, no, no, it's fine.

I'd like to hear what she has to say.

Well, it knows what it is.

I mean, it's a cheesy soap where the hot guy takes his shirt off all the time, you know?

It's not trying to be all important.

So you're saying that you found him... hot?

Yeah.

Huh.

Yeah, I'm not sure we're gonna solve this today, but I do know we have a lot of work to do, so it be great if we could...

Move on?

That's what we're all looking to do, isn't it?

Cliff.

Hello, Dean.

(whispering): Cliff Bemis, the creator of The Grinder.

Thank you, son.

What are you doing here?

Did you see the show?

I did.

And I thought it was genius.

It's your best work. You should be very proud.

Now if you'll excuse us, we have work to do.

I don't know if you've read the news, but, uh, I'm working on real cases now.

Um...

You must be the brother.

Heard a lot about you.

Uh, yes, likewise.

It's, uh, a pleasure to meet you.

Didn't you get a protected left put in somewhere?

Or am I thinking of someone else?

No, that was me! I did that!

14th and Cedar.

That's impressive.

Helping real people with real problems.

It's what you always wanted to do.

Now, you are.

What do you want?

Need a small favor.

Yes, the show's a hit.

Yes, the critics love it.

Yes, Olyphant has been embraced by the nation.

You didn't come all the way here to tell me that.

Nope.

I came here to tell you that none of that matters.

What matters... is what the fans are saying on Twitter and other social media platforms.

The true barometer of success.

And the people are asking... where is Mitch?

So you want me to pass the torch.

One scene, Dean.

We come to you. We make it easy.

Can he see us?

Why would he not be able to see us, Todd?

Paint it for me.

Christmas Day. Church.

Avery's there with her family.

Choir's singing.

Children laughing.

But everything is not as it seems.

Priest has a b*mb under his robe.

Luckily, Mitch Grinder is vacationing in New Orleans, and is there to diffuse the b*mb.

And I save everyone.

(chuckles): Oh, yeah.

Then the b*mb goes off, you die.

And then Olyphant comes in, rips off his shirt and takes over the firm.

You're gonna k*ll him?

You're gonna k*ll Mitch Grinder?

And I'm supposed to help you with that?

Think of it as giving Mitch the send-off he deserves.

And what if I say no?

He dies either way.

Now, it can be a hero's death on screen.

Or... a coward's death... off.

Take some time.

Think about it.

You know, I don't think he can see us.

See? I told you!

Yeah.

It's weird because if he dies, then a part of me dies.

Yeah, that is... very weird.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost myself in that part.

And I never broke, never!

When I was Mitch, I was Mitch.

And where was Dean?

I honestly have no idea.

Dean didn't tell Mitch what he was up to.

They don't know each other, Stew.

Right, I didn't... I thought... Yeah.

And you never wanted to introduce them?

One time my girlfriend came to set.

And I wanted to talk to her as Dean so badly, 'cause she was clearly going through some stuff.

Couldn't do it.

I never was able to tell Daryl Hannah why I was leaving her for that younger actress.

Not even at the end of the day?

Like... when you were done pretending to be this guy?

I was never done.

I was never pretending.

Well, maybe this is for the best.

You wanted to move on, right?

What if I'm too scared?

Too scared to... k*ll a fictional character because a part of you will also die?

I guess I just always took comfort in thinking that somehow, he was still out there.

Fighting.

Grinding.

Without you?

And that I could call him up, get him on the phone and... talk to him, if... things here didn't work out.

Wait.

So, like, as a... as a backup plan to this.

You-you could always go back there.

Hey, Uncle Dean, your advice totally worked.

I hung out with this hot girl, Zoe, in front of Brie.

Wait, what?

She's done with Liam. She likes me again.

So you didn't try the honest conversation thing at all?

Didn't need to.

Uncle Dean's advice crushed.

Well, it's nice to know I can still help people, even though I'm hurting.

Stewart: Uh... could you go back to the thing about the, uh, the backup plan?

(sighs)

I just always thought that Mitch would go on without me.

You know?

Maybe down in the Florida Keys... becomes a judge.

Maybe he runs a Cuban nightclub on the weekend... lives with his black girlfriend.

I could totally picture that.

Dean: It would do so much for race relations, you know?

Help us heal.

Dean, if that's where you see Mitch winding up, then that's where Mitch has to wind up.

And it shouldn't be up to Bemis, because you are Mitch.

That's right.

Mitch Grinder can't die.

He means too much to you.

He means too much to America.

What are you saying, Stew?

I'm saying we need to stop this.

We need to save The Grinder.

Dean's contracts with the Fox Broadcasting Corporation for The Grinder, all eight seasons.

Find something.

What are we looking for?

Anything, Todd.

A loophole, language... anything to stop Bemis from k*lling Mitch Grinder.

And why are we doing this?

To keep alive the option for Dean to go back to the show.

Got it. Let's get to work.

What? He's going back?

Well, no... I mean, he's not... not now.

Wow, it's hard to make sense of my emotions right now, because as a fan, I'm excited, but I don't know, I-I don't want to lose him.

Yeah. Maybe I don't want to find a loophole.

Guys, we all love having Dean be a part of this law firm.

Yes. All of us.

Believe me, I would love nothing more than to burn these contracts and have Dean here forever.

But we can't let The Grinder die.

Right? For the... the legacy, or... whatever, of... of the show?

As much as I hate to say it, I think he has a point.

It would be selfish.

I mean, we have to think of Dean here.

Exactly. This character is a part of Dean and we have to protect it.

Todd... what do you say we get to work?

Yeah, okay.

Yeah.

♪ ♪

Nothing here!

(growls, grunts)

Wait a minute.

I think I got something.

The Caruso Deal.

Or did you forget that I renegotiated for that?

Yeah, I remember.

Season seven.

You came in whining about how you wanted the same deal as David Caruso.

What about it?

I found something in it.

Didn't even know it was there.

There's a clause, Cliff.

Clause-Cliff. I like that. Can I use that?

Yeah, sure.

That's good.

Apparently, Caruso felt that since he had become the character, he was entitled to partial ownership of him.

Dean: And that he couldn't be k*lled without Caruso's permission, so long as he was alive.

You can't k*ll him, Cliff... unless you're planning on k*lling me first.

Are you big-dogging me, Sanderson?

I can do whatever I want.

I birthed Mitchard Grinder.

If I want to k*ll him, I'm gonna k*ll him.

Well, that's where you and I disagree, sir.

Because this contract clearly states that you have to sh**t a version of the scene that Dean signs off on.

Look, I just think that the character deserves better.

And I know that somewhere, deep down inside, you do, too.

Stewart: Think of all the possibilities.

I mean, I'm-I'm no writer, but I'm just thinking maybe Mitch goes off and becomes a judge.

You know, in the, um, in the Florida Keys.

Dean: And maybe he runs a Cuban nightclub on the weekends.

Yeah! You know, and we see the salsa music as a character.

Yeah.

So he works hard and plays hard.

Hard is all he knows.

By day, he wears a black robe, by night, a white linen shirt.

To some, he's a hero; to others...

Well, it depends on which woman you ask, am I right?

And the only thing hotter than the night is his affair with Lady Justice.

All right.

I like the world.

If that's the scene you want to sh**t, that's the scene we sh**t.

On one condition...

Oh, this one? Calls for shirtless, Cliff.

No argument here.

Then you got a deal.

Hey, do you know where Uncle Dean is?

I have a bit of a problem.

I don't know where he is, but I'm here. What's up?

Uncle Dean said I could invite Brie to his Grinder filming.

Then Zoe found out and now she wants to go, too.

Again, I-I would go with the honest talk.

You know, just tell Zoe that you already invited Brie and you can't bring them both.

Dean: Or... you can bring them both.

That way, you've got your backup already there.

You think?

Dude, a week ago you didn't have a girlfriend. Now you got two.

I don't think that's the right thing.

Smart.

I'll do that. Thanks.

Hey.

The new script arrived.

Very exciting.

Oh.

Uh, that is exciting.

Yep.

I'm a judge in the Florida Keys...

Great!

...running my Cuban nightclub...

Perfect.

...and... living with my black girlfriend.

Great. That's just what you wanted.

Is music a character?

Did he put the salsa in there?

Or is it what you wanted?

What do you mean?

When we met with Bemis, we never said "black girlfriend."

You... you sure?

You are the only person that I've ever shared that with.

He must've just... come up with it on his own.

I mean, you're The Grinder, so of course you'd have a girlfriend.

And it's not a big leap to "black."

I mean, I could see how he, how he got there.

No. Bemis never uses diversity unless he's pressured by the network.

This was your idea.

And all this time, I thought you were helping me because you cared about The Grinder.

You're just leaving the door open so maybe I go back to the show and get out of your hair!

Okay. Yes.

You got me.

But, Dean, you've been here for months.

And-and you've moved into my house and you've invaded work and you're giving my son girl advice...

Well, if you didn't like the advice, you should've said something.

I did!

I said something!

And no one listens to me.

So, if I'm being honest, yeah.

Sometimes, I, too, take comfort in knowing that The Grinder's out there, so we can give him a call if things don't work out here.

Fine.

I'll sh**t the scene.

And if it leads to another series in Los Angeles... probably with Long Beach doubling the Florida Keys... so be it.

First my TV brother stabs me in the back, and now my real one.

I don't know which one hurts worse.

(sighs)

I've given it some thought.

It's the real one.

♪ ♪

Whoa. This is crazy.

Well, this is New Orleans, honey.

Hey, did you apologize to your brother yet?

I tried, but he was "Mitch" this morning, and, you know, Mitch doesn't know who I am, so...

God, that commitment level is...

Impressive, right?

Pretty impressive.

Yeah. It's amazing.

(slurping)

Woman: Quiet, people.

How you doing, Dean?

Dean?

Rake, it's Mitch.

Your brother.

Damn. Such a pro.

You're already in character.

I'm sorry, I'm in what?

It's kind of a relief, actually.

I thought I was gonna have to apologize for stealing your show.

I'll see you on the dance floor.

You ought to get back there. This stuff's free.

(bell rings)

Woman: Quiet all around!

Todd: I hate to admit it, but Olyphant's got something.

Yes, he certainly does.

Woman: Let's roll, please.

(clears throat)

Bemis: Ready, and... action!

Rake, even though you're my younger brother, you were always a bigger brother and I know the firm will be in better hands with you than it ever could've been with me.

But Mitch... everything I learned I learned from you.

I need to leave this place and focus on being a judge in the Florida Keys and my nightclub.

And, of course... Shondy.

She's beautiful, Mitch.

It's time for me to get out of your way, little brother, so that you can live free of the shadow of...

Rake: A legend?

Take care of my team.

Rake: Yeah.

(sighs) This is wrong.

Oh, yeah, I know. This is really bad.

He didn't want this.

I... I pushed him into it.

So tell him.

How?

He's in the middle of the scene. You know he doesn't break character.

I guess you'll just have to wait.

Grinder: Even though leaving may not be the best thing for me.

I need to do it.

Because it's the best thing... for you.

I gotta do something.

I guess the only thing left to say... is good-bye.

No, it's not!

(onlookers murmur and gasp)

What the hell?

Get out of my scene!

One second.

Oh, my God.

Is that your dad?

I don't know who that is.

Who let this man into the courtroom?

Bailiff?

What-what is happening?

I have no idea.

You're making a mistake, Mitch.

How would you know?

You don't even know me.

Yes, I do.

Because...

I'm your brother.

This is my brother... Rake.

Hey.

Hi. I, um...

I-I know that, but I'm your other brother...

Barry Grinder.

Oh, my God.

What is he doing?

I...

"Barry Grinder"?

Mm-hmm.

Grinder: You mean the baby that my mom...

Our mom.

...our mom said d*ed in childbirth?

Yeah.

Only I didn't die.

I... I grew up.

Evil.

Wow.

And that's why I slipped rat poison into your drink earlier.

And you're going to be dead... any minute now.

So you want me to die?

Yes, I do.

But you know, if I leave this world behind, there is no going back.

I know.

But it's the only way out of this mess.

I think I can feel the poison starting to take effect.

That fits my timeline perfectly.

Of when I gave you that poison.

Grinder: I'll see you in a better place.

Grinder... rests.

In peace.

Cut?

(bell rings) WOMAN: Cut.

Right? Right?

I thought it was about right.

Some good stuff in there, I thought, at the end.

Guys, that was, uh... some truly repulsive stuff.

I thought it was truthful.

You know what? Here's a thought.

Let's, uh, let's do one more and maybe you don't pop in and ruin the whole thing.

No, Cliff.

Mitch is dead.

Dean, I can't use any of that.

Then k*ll him another way.

I sign off on it.

Do whatever you want.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Stew, that was terrible.

What makes you think you can do what he does?

You're a lawyer. You can't just become an actor.

Dean: It is true.

I did go to school for this.

Rake: That's him, Coroner.

That's my brother.

Do you think he was in pain?

They say when a crocodile goes into its death roll, the spine collapses on itself.

You don't feel a thing.

(crying): How are we gonna get past this?

How will we ever... move on?

It's gonna be hard.

Gonna be?

Or already is?

Coroner Reyes...

...could you give us the room?

I don't think I can do this alone.

No one is asking you to.

(TV shuts off)

I mean... wow.

Right?

Yeah.

Should we, um...

Watch it again?

You know, I think twice in one night's probably enough.

But I was talking about moving into the...

Mmm!

Yeah, no. In a sec.

Real quick: how much better than the original do you think it is?

Oh. Considerably better.

In what ways?

Um...

People watch it, and they say, "Oh, that's just Tim being Tim."

But that's not Tim.

You know? This... is... Tim.

Or... is it?

I don't know.

This is what I'm struggling with.

This is what we need to figure out.

Tonight?

Um, I have a really long day tomorrow, and if this is gonna happen, it should probably happen now, or we should say good night.

You okay with that?

Not only am I okay with it, I respect the hell out of it.

Good.