01x07 - Doll Faced

[bunniefuu]

Meanwhile, on Con Man...

Just meet me!

In the hotel bar...

Six o'clock...

Meet me at the hotel bar.

How about 7?

Oh my god!

It looks just like me...

He comes with a g*n, and a Kn*fe!

I... will see you in hell!

Okay, who here wants to adopt one of their own?

We have 3 left.

700 bucks?

700 bucks. 700, 700... Alright, 800! 825, I'm jumping to 900...

Stop! Stop this, I'm not selling.

Out of my way. Louise... Louise!

Con Man - Episode 7 - "Doll Faced"

Louise.

Louise!

Excuse me...

Louise...

Excuse me, excuse me. Louise!

Hey!

Hey, aren't you Wray Nerely?

Yeah.

Oh hey, look, it's Jason Momoa.

Did he say Jason Momoa?

Come here, please.

Just... I want to talk to you. Just... just for a minute, okay?

Okay, look.

I did not know that you had a son that was taken by a fire.

And...

Look, I just... I just want to say I'm sorry. My heart goes out to you.

Thank you for that.

Is this little baby...

Is...

Isabelle.

Isabelle.

Yes.

She's so precious. Look at that.

Her skin is porcelain.

Just like her mommy's.

Well he certainly looks like daddy.

He actually calls me papa.

"This is papa."

I've misjudged you.

Kiss me.

Yes.

Okay...

Yes...

Oh it's happening.

What's happening?

It's happening.

I'm confused.

Oh, it's... it's happening.

You know what?

We're taking a little... fast.

Why don't we umm... have a nice dinner tonight.

Just... just the four of us.

How could I say no?

You knocked me off my feet the moment I met you.

Cuz... cuz you hit me with your bag.

Twice!

Twice.

You like that?

Oh, yeah...

Oh yeah, yeah... Harder.

Rougher.

Rough...?

It's happening.

What's happening? I'm confused.

It's happening.

Oh, no... it's happen...

Are we getting there...

Not in front of a baby!

What was I thinking? I just...

Bad boy.

It's happening.

Oh, my god.

I'll let you go. I'm too close to you to stop myself.

I honestly thought it would be bigger in here.

Bigger?

"Can we please go?"

Thank you.

Wray Wray, this is your first double date, I think.

"Yes, I... I need to know..."

"About the birds and the bees. Well... I'm a virgin."

Don't worry, buddy. I can tell you everything I know. It's not much...

Wray?

Good to see you.

Kiss me.

Thank you...

Can I get a high chair please?

I'm sorry, all the high chairs are currently being used by other...

Babies.

Oh, my god. You look more beautiful every time I see you.

Good, because I have a thing for single fathers.

Can I start you off with a glass of wine?

I'm breastfeeding.

Water only.

What is wrong with you, man? Can't you see she has an infant?

Christ! I'm so sorry...

Hello, Wray Wray!

"Hello there, miss!"

Oh, such manners.

Watch this.

"Hello there. I'm waving at you."

Oh, no.

No, no. He's waving, he's waving. You see that?

Okay...

Look at him... He's my little man.

I love him. He has a little...

Kn*fe, and a flashlight...

You know, I didn't think you were capable of caring like this.

Did all those sci-fi fans' love for you rub off?

They brought several things off of me over the years.

But you know what?

I guess their love is keeping my cancelled show alive.

Hmm... And your love for Wray Wray is keeping him alive.

That's... That's true.

That is true.

Do you want to hold her?

I do... I do, I want to, I gotta...

Get my hands on those babies. That baby...

Okay, watch the head.

Okay.

She's a doll.

Beautiful little baby... doll.

I have to go to the powder room.

Okay.

Can I leave her with you?

Trust me.

Yeah... Oh, thank you.

Oh, the real thing.

It's happening.

It's happening!

Taking notes, Wray Wray?

I found you a high chair and we are...

Mashing peas as we speak.

Not necessary, thanks a lot, buddy.

Here you go, kiddo. Alright.

Come on, sit up. What you got, rickets? Huh?

Chill out.

Hey!

Hey, Jack!

What are you doing?

Oh, reshoots for Mission Hammertoe.

Where are you?

Uh, alps? No.

Tetons? I think. Where are we?

Where are we?

Burbank.

What is your name?

Martina.

Martina...

You know, Martina, I think you should stay very, very close to me in the event of hypothermia.

Body heat could be the only thing that saves our lives.

You know, I've got to tell you, I'm such a huge, huge fan.

Get out!

Buddy, buddy, listen.

Ben, did you have the make-up girl?

Yeah, you won the pool.

Snow guy, keep it coming.

Buddy, buddy.

Make this a little winter wonderland for me and my little snow princess.

Buddy...

You are my snow pricess, you know that?

Buddy, buddy, listen, listen.

I am on a date right now.

With a crazy... She's crazy, yeah. Actually crazy, crazy, hot lady.

Nice. CCHL?

That is super fun, I tell you.

No, she has a baby doll that she thinks is an actual baby.

Ahh Jesus!

Wray Wray, we're screwed!

Sorry, I... I gotta go. I just k*lled this woman's replacement baby.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Dinner roll?

No! Yes, yes!

Yes, come back.

Ciabatta?

Yes!

Perfect. Perfect.

Oh, yeah!

Just an ear...

An ear away from not working...

And then a hat...

Look! You buying that?

No! It's terrible, you're screwed.

I'll see you in hell.

I'm sorry.

Big fan.

Oh, how cute! I've gotta get a picture. Hold on.

Uh... Really?

Yes.

Will you... Tilt her head down I can't see her face.

Yeah, no, more.

Let's see...

What... What's wrong with her face?

Are those burns?

No, they're not... They're not... They're not...

Burns. Oh god, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Don't... Wait...

This is... This is bread. See? - No! No...

That was a dumb idea.

Here...

Wait, what...

Where's her head?

With Jesus.

Why is it always the head?

My son melted... And now Isabelle.

I'm sorry, you said melted?

I was making paella...

He was too close...

His face melted into a puddle.

This is why I bought porcelain this time...

You never had a son. You never had a baby.

You've never... You are crazy, do you know that? That is just a baby doll.

You've only had merchandise.

No! Get your hands off of him. Don't you dare!

What? He's just a jack off doll.

What are you talking about?

Push the button on his back. Watch him whack it.

Oh, no, Wray Wray. No, no, no!

Enjoy playing with yourself.

m*rder*r!

Wray Wray.

Oh god.

That is obscene, man.

Bobbie!

My action figure jerks off.

Sean.

Yeah?

What do you want?

Look at you...

Is Bobbie here?

Yes.

Can I talk to her please?

Uh, no.

Well, okay...

Fine. Can you tell her that I'm not signing any action figures, ever?

Okay.

We're busy.

Sean, come on in, sweetheart.

Bobby, somebody took...

Seriously?

Leslie?

Well, your timing is not good.

Is Bobbie here?

Have you seen Maher's abs?

Straight guy code of secrecy there but my junk popped!

Leslie, look, my action figure has a design flaw.

It needs to be recalled.

Look at that.

My god...

The possibilities!

No! No!

Leslie.

You give him back!

Bullshit! Leslie! Leslie!

He's an innocent! He's an innocent!

Please.

Be gentle.

Wray Wray...

Whip me!

It's so smooth...

You feel it now!

Yes!