01x10 - The Olyphant in the Room

Episode transcripts for the 2015 TV show "The Grinder". Aired September 29, 2015 to May 10, 2016.*
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"The Grinder" follows a TV actor who returns to his small hometown to work as a lawyer, in his family's firm, after his long-running television series, on which he played a lawyer, was canceled.
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01x10 - The Olyphant in the Room

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Man: Kelly Walters, 33, worked in the mailroom.

And, Mitch, it fits the pattern.

No, this is different.

Man: What do you make of this?

It's wool, English.

The man you're looking for has money.

But he didn't always.

He also has a limp on his right side.

That's why he snagged his coat on that door.

Injury?

No, medical condition he's had his whole life.

Man: And now he wants to make them feel his pain.

Selfish son of a bitch.

Don't you fall apart on me!

Not now!

I need this one, Mitch.

I know you do, Tom.

Grinder: You send that evidence into the lab.

Have them run it against a database of everybody within a ten-mile radius who might have congenital hemiplegia.

I was never here.

(TV clicks off)

Okay, so how does he know any of this?

Is he a detective now? Is that...

'Cause I thought he was a lawyer.

He is.

He's a lawyer who detectives call when they need help at crime scenes.

Right.

What are you not following?

The whole thing?

Guys, he hasn't seen the first half of the season yet.

Oh, so you have no frame of reference.

But shouldn't an audience be able to join a show at any time?

At any time.

Period.

Okay, so how would they even know that know he's a lawyer?

What's he supposed to do? Enter every scene saying, (lower register): "I'm Mitch, and I'm a lawyer, and I'll stop at nothing to grind for justice"?

No, not every scene. And not in that voice.

Can you imagine if I walked around saying, (lower register): "Hello. I'm Dean, and I used to play a lawyer on television, but now I live in Boise, and I live with my brother."

Oh, you live here now?

I'm just saying, it's bad writing.

I don't want to be spoon-fed.

Stew, if you're not following something, feel free to watch the earlier episodes any time you want.

Thank you, Dad.

It's not too late for you, Stew.

You can catch up.

Great.

Thank you for getting up early, everyone.

I've actually been sitting on some news that I am finally allowed to talk about.

Uh, for the next couple of days, a journalist from The Boise Herald is gonna be following me around for a profile they want to do...

On Dean?

Not... No, not on... not on Dean.

On what, then?

On your dad.

On me!

Yeah!

I am so damn proud of you.

So it's on what it's like to have a famous brother.

No, it's nothing about that.

It's just about your dad.

Yeah.

Huh, what's that look like?

Well, uh, Ethan, it's probably gonna look like a story about a man running a family law firm in his hometown.

"Simple Law."

"Simple Law."

I don't know.

Yeah, I don't see it.

Yeah, I like it.

"Simple Law: The Stew Sanderson Story."

The story of a man.

A simple man.

And his simple law.

Fighting for local, um, neighborhood... uh...

Eh, I lost it.

Anyway, I-I'm sure there's a story there.

And I look forward to reading it.

Thank you, Dean.

Hey, excuse me.

Uh, that's my space.

It's reserved.

Sorry, be out of your way in a second.

Dean.

Not right now.

Stewart: Dean, this is not a big deal.

Tell me you're not gonna freak out about this.

The writer is coming today.

You do not need to freak out about this.

Didn't mean to take your spot, brother.

(engine starts)

But you did... brother.

I can't back up unless you move.

Uh-huh.

You back up.

So it's not about Dean at all?

I don't know.

The story hasn't shown itself yet.

Well, when it does, it's gonna involve Dean, I promise you that.

Guys, let's just treat this like a normal day.

I like to start things off with a staff meeting, Neal.

Inject a little energy, get the ball rolling for...

I'm sorry, before we do that, could we just maybe go over the assigned parking policies?

Because I feel like there's been some confusion.

You know, Dean, we're gonna start with the dealership vandalism case.

Let's put the parking situation on the back burner for now.

Fine. Fine.

Put it on the back burner.

Something on the back burner can catch fire just as easily as something on the front burner.

Okay, uh, our client is accused of smashing SUV windows at various dealerships.

Uh, yes, uh, but because she's an outspoken environmentalist, they think it's part of a larger thing.

What information do we have on Tim Olyphant, and why is he here?

I heard he's boning Claire on his off days of sh**ting New Orleans, but I don't have all the facts.

Well, do me a favor and get all the facts.

Claire: Uh, I'm telling you, she's innocent.

I just don't know how to prove it.

All right. What else we got?

Stewart: Dad, we're in the middle of this still.

Dean Sr.: Sorry.

Looked to me like she was done.

No, she's not done.

And neither are we.

This case matters deeply to Claire and I.

And if she thinks the client is innocent, then I will not rest until she goes free.

Claire: Uh... thanks, Dean.

You know, Neal, the next step I would take is establish a concrete alibi for our clients in order to prove reasonable doubt.

Uh-huh.

I don't know if you want to write that down.

Sure, we could establish an alibi.

And create probable cause, that is, if we were interested in doing the bare minimum, but at Sanderson & Yao, we go the extra mile.

We are going to solve this case.

'Cause that's what we do.

We-we don't actually do that.

We don't solve the... solve the case.

No, lawyers don't do that.

Well, maybe they should.

I mean, Neal, ask yourself, does a plumber come to your house and just say, "No, it's not the hair that's causing the clog"?

Or do they get in there and reveal the real culprit?

The second thing?

The second... thing.

This is exactly what I didn't want.

He's shifting the whole focus of the story onto him.

So why don't you just shift it back to you?

Well, how do I do that, honey?

You know, Dean's got this whole "find the culprit" angle.

That's... that's good.

That is pretty compelling.

Okay, so why don't you make your whole alibi thing more compelling?

Again, it feels like the wrong direction.

Does it? Okay.

Why don't you just take a page out of Dean's book?

Go in there, make it a little dramatic, and show Neal how sexy simple law can be.



Dean Sr.: So how do we catch this son of a bitch?

We get inside of his head.

We just need to figure out where this bastard's gonna strike next.

Or what if we strike that and get back to basics?

Did you say something, Stewart?

Dean: Uh, come on in, bro.

We're just spitballing about strategy.

What if the strategy was no strategy at all?

Come on in the room, Stew.

Can't hear you in the doorway like that.

Right, sorry.

Silly for me to think that you could... hear me just right there.

Uh, maybe we don't need to know where the criminal is gonna strike next... if we have an airtight... alibi.

You want me to write that down?

I mean, you know, if it fits.

I could write it down, but I doubt it'll get in.

Well, take it down, Neal.

What was it again?

Oh, man.

I told you 15 times already.

I was home all day. I slept in.

I know, but, uh, you must have woken up at some point, right?

And done something?

Or... or maybe talked to someone?

You know, you just have to ask the right questions.

Right.

Right?

'Cause if you ask the right questions, you just might get the right answers.

Yeah, I get it.

It's compelling, right?

Claire: Uh, okay, uh, did you call anyone?

Maybe we can establish a timeline that way.

Probably not. I've been locking my phone in a drawer when I get home so I don't look at it so much.

Oh. Perfect.

Dead end?

Yeah, that it is, Neal.

Dean: Todd, tell me what you've learned.

About what?

Are you kidding? About Timothy Olyphant and Claire.

It's the only reason we're trying to solve this stupid case.

Oh, yeah, right.

It's pretty serious, apparently.

When he's not filming the show, he's here with her.

So how many days a month does that put him in Boise?

Uh, I don't know. I didn't do the math.

Todd, do me a favor.

Do the math, and then come back to me with something that doesn't require math.

Got it.

What do you think Olyphant's role is in all of this?

Um, I don't think he was involved in all this.

We don't know that he wasn't.

I mean, think about it.

None of these windows were being broken before he arrived.

This your first time seeing Dean in action?

I guess.

Well, my advice to you is strap in, put on a helmet, and hang on to your freaking chair.

This is a brick.

Brick, brick.

Why would he use a brick?

Well, it's one thing you can throw that would go through a windshield.

What is he trying to tell us?

A brick breaks things, but it also builds things.

It's Americana, it's hard hats, it's lunch pails, it's...

What else about bricks?

Do you want pitches, or are you in a zone?

Zone. Got it.

Dean: He's here now on weekends.

He's dropping her off at work, which means that they woke up together.

Right.

Do you think this is serious?

You know, Dean, I think it's probably just a fling.

Do we have to talk about this now?

All right.

You know, Neal is here.

Uh, you probably want to focus on the case.

No, I-I love this.

This is...

Neal, what's your take on all this?

'Cause what I'm struggling with is he's basically the B-version of me, am I right?

The C-version.

He so is.

You know, Neal, do you know that Stewart has a 94% positive rating on BoiseLegalFinder.com?

Oh, you're done?

I-I thought there was gonna be a finish to that.

No, no, that was... that was it, Neal.

So, Dean, I-I'm still curious about...

Okay, I think I'm going to, uh, pack it in, everyone.

I think there's, uh, a lot of simple law stuff for me to do in the morning, so...

Would you like me to give you a hand so you can spend more time here?

No, Dean, thank you.

This is, uh, really something I should do solo.

So, good night, Neal.

I'll see you in the morning.

Please, enjoy your meal, everybody.

Neal: Can you point me in the direction of the nearest restroom?

Down the hall to the left.

Oh.

I think Stew's just upset at the direction of the article.

Yeah. Yeah, no, I think that's pretty clear.

Good, good.

I didn't want you to think that his behavior had anything to do with the meal you prepared.

I didn't, but thank you so much.

Yeah, sure.

Honey, the piece is not about you at all. It's about Dean.

I know that, hon. That's why I'm up here pouting.

Neal's notes, I took a picture of them while he was in the bathroom.

That is so unethical, honey.

I love it.

The piece is all about Dean and how delusional he is and how he makes it impossible for you to get work done.

What? Let me see.

"I hardly buy the Grinder could solve this case, let alone the dimwit who plays him."

This is a smear piece.

On my brother.

Yeah.

No, that's what I came in here to tell you.

Right.

Hmm.

There is something he does not want me to see.
Uh, Dean?

(sighs)

What's with the, uh, headshot of Timothy Olyphant?

Oh, there's a theory he might be involved in this somehow.

That Timothy Olyphant is smashing car windows in Boise?

It's a theory, Stew.

And all theories until disproven are working theories.

Okay, sure.

Uh, but there is something we need to talk to you about.

It's affecting my work, isn't it?

What is?

The Olyphant in the room.

I got to admit, it's got me all twisted up.

I didn't... I didn't realize that.

(chuckling): Really? 'Cause it's written all over my face.

And I think it's derailed your article.

Help me catch this sumbitch.

And if we bring in this window smasher, then Claire's got to see he's not the real deal, and it'll also put your name back in the headline of this thing.

Right. Um, well, about-about the headline...

Wait, wait, wait, wait, though, actually, I think maybe that is a good point.

This could work.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, if you guys catch this "sumbitch," that would change the whole story.

He would have to write something completely different.

Right.

Dean: Come on, bro, I need you.

We can break this thing wide open.

But it's just not gonna be easy to catch this guy.

And since when does Stew Sanderson need it to be easy?

Yeah, since when?

Come on, man, look at that board.

I'm so damn close.

No, I totally get it.

I'm the only one with an SUV, and we did this to determine that, uh...

Exactly.

What did you learn about... the other thing?

So we're done talking about this?

Yes, we've moved beyond this.

Okay, apparently Timothy is super into her.

He's got some big date planned for Friday night.

Date.

But she may not be as into him, and we think he knows it.

We're buying into this now?

It's the only way to turn the story around.

We have to solve this case.

He threw a brick through Todd's windshield.

Yeah, this is what we're up against.

The brick went through Todd's windshield like a hot Kn*fe through butter.

Yes, it did.

If we had a model car, why did we need to...

Todd, how can you make a model if you don't know what the model is of?

Right.

But sometimes don't they have the model first and...?

No, they never do that.

You can quote me on that.

Or not.

Okay.

Dean: But what we still don't know is: What's it mean?

Well, and why we threw the brick...

Todd, shh.

Okay, sorry.

Uh, so what do we have here?

We have a brick here, with a... with a smiley face on it.

You know, is it a calling card?

A signature of some kind?

And why do we sign things?

Is it, uh... is it because we want credit?

Credit.

And we take it away from him.

And we lure him into hitting the one dealership that he hasn't hit yet, and we get him to do it this Friday night.

What?

This Friday? I have plans.

Cancel them.

No, we got to smoke this guy out.

Oh, we use the media.

Stewart: That feels like an appropriate level of action for us to take for some smashed windshields.

Sure, why don't we just call a press conference?

No, no, no.

Something bigger.

I need to call in a favor.

(cheering)



And we are back.

And we are here with Dean Sanderson.

Dean, it's, uh, it's great to have you back.

Uh, it's great to be back here with you, Jimmy.

Most people know you as The Grinder.

(audience whoops, cheers)

Oh, thank... thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Of course.

That's very kind.

Uh, yes, but you know, um, I'm not really here to talk, uh, about The Grinder, because, uh, I have... I've moved on.

I'm actually working on a-a real law case now.

Right. Right.

Yeah.

You, what, you moved back to your hometown to actually practice law.

I need to tell you that there is a crime wave that is currently sweeping Boise, Idaho.

One SUV window at a time.

There is a woman who was falsely accused...

So he flew to Los Angeles to go on Jimmy Kimmel...

To smoke out the SUV window smasher.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

If they had any balls at all, they wouldn't stop until they terrorized the finest car lot in the city of Boise.

Why are you looking over there?

(audience laughs)

So all this to impress Claire?

Well, and, uh, Kimmel owed him a favor.

Mmm, well, obviously he would want to cash that in on this.

Yeah, got it.

Has Tim Olyphant ever been on this show?

Huh, Tim... Timothy Ol...

No.

(laughs)

That's what I thought.

(audience laughs)

I've been invited on that show.

Several times.

I just had to cancel last minute.

Each time?

Oh, look who's making me feel bad about canceling.

Miss Cancel-Pants herself.

I'm sorry, I have to go on this stakeout for some reason.

So bring me with you.

I mean... unless you don't want me around.



(sighs)

Where's Claire?

She's on her way.

So she canceled whatever plans she had?

You mean her date with Timothy Olyphant?

What?

Oh.

She-she had a date with him.

Please tell me you did not do all of this just to get her to cancel her date with Timothy.

Please, Dean.

You got to be kidding me. She brought him?!

She must have felt bad about canceling her date.

And we're certain she had a date?

Yeah, I told you, remember?

And then you said you wanted to do the stakeout tonight so she wouldn't...

Todd!

What?!

This is off the record, right?

No, everything's fair game.

Sorry that I had to cancel that date.

Oh, come on.

Don't even think about that.

I'm sure I'll get those deposits back.

Besides, it's nice.

Being here with you.

Seeing what you do.

Did you know that I was once on a TNT miniseries called Stakeout?

No, I did not know that.

Yeah.

Committed pretty hard to it.

Lost a bunch of weight.

Lived in my car for the whole sh**t.

Wow.

That seems unnecessary.

Yeah.

So we don't even know if this is happening tonight.

Not technically, no.

(scoffs)

What are you writing?

Uh, "Dean doesn't know if this will happen tonight.

What am I doing with my life?"

What's your article about, Neal?

Do you want to tell Dean, or should I?

Go for it.

What's going on?

It's a smear piece, Dean.

He changed the whole story.

He thinks what we're doing is ridiculous, and he's writing all about it.

A smear piece on Todd, huh?

Has to be.

I deserve it.

No, Dean, a smear piece on you.

He's writing all about a delusional actor who wreaks havoc on his brother's life.

S-So you... joined me to protect me.

Yeah, I... I guess I did.

Well, Neal, there's your story right there.

It is?

Doesn't even matter if we catch the criminal.

Doesn't?

My windshield, though.

No, what matters is this... a man looking out for his brother.

A simple story.

"Simple Law."

You know what, who cares about the story?

Write whatever you want, Neal.

Good night.

Well, can I at least get a ride back to my car?

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, we can do that.

That'd be fair.

(car starts)

Excuse me.

Yo.

That you, Deano?

I need to back up.

You need backup.

Claire: No, he... Hold up.

Just back up.

No, I just want to move the car.

I got stuff to do.

My bad.

Backing up.

(car starts)

"And in this writers humble opinion... Stewart Sanderson should be on the Nobel Prize short list for putting up with what could only be described as soul-sucking."

Um, "It's amazing he's able to get any work done with his giant roadblock of a brother constantly injecting himself..."

You know, I think we get the gist of this.

Yeah, yeah, I think so.

Stewart: I don't need to read more, right?

"But even with this deluded actor in the way, Stew..."

"...Stewart Sanderson is able to somehow keep it all together and..."

"...prevail... as one of the sharpest lawyers in Boise."

Stewart: I'm sorry, Dean.

This guy clearly has an a* to grind.

The tears I'm shedding are not of sadness.

They are of pride.

Debbie: Yeah, 'cause that was an amazing article on you?

(sighs)

Ethan: And you're just okay with how he lit you up like that, Uncle Dean?

E, I love that he lit me up like that.

And do you know why?

Because there's no such thing as bad press.

You remember that.

Okay, I'll keep that in mind.

Yeah.

Dean: In the meantime, we are going back to a little thing we like to call simple law.

Find an alibi, Stew Sanderson style.

To be fair, I did not invent that style.

And the SUV smasher?

Yeah, what happens to him?

He's still out there.

But as long as we're here, he'll be brought to justice.

One way or another.

Well, the picture was great.

The picture is nice.

Debbie: Mm-hmm.

I think Dean looks great in it.

I'm-I'm a little blurry, but...

So Todd told me that Claire told him that she's kicking herself that she invited Timothy Olyphant on the stakeout.

I'm sure.

I mean, the guy's got no stakeout experience.

He's probably talking while she's trying to concentrate.

And she's already not feeling it so he's probably just rattled.

So this whole thing was a success.

Is that what you're saying? Oh. Yeah.

They're over.



Okay, we don't know what kind of kiss that is.

I mean, we just don't know.

That could be anything.

That could be a good-bye kiss.

I mean, it could be a "I never want to see you again, and here's something to remember me by" kiss.

I mean, we just don't know.

Yeah.

I hate that this keeps happening.

Might be time to get my own spot.

Who do I talk to about this? Is that a you thing, Stew?
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