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01x01 - Pilot

Posted: 01/19/16 12:51
by bunniefuu
woman: Getting back into the dating scene can be complicated.


My name is Zoe and I'm divorced.

Hmm, kind of, sort of.

That's my date Sean.

We met at this bistro when I spilled my Cosmo in his couscous.

Good evening, Mrs. Moon.

Oh, good evening, Amir.

Good evening... (elevator dinging) ... total stranger.

He's not a stranger, he's with me.

Oh, yes, yes, of course, my apologies.


Unless you are saying that under duress.

No, I'm saying it loud and proud!

He's with me!

Hey... Ooh!

Zoe: Ooh, and that's the elevator.

Hate that thing.

I'm sorry, Sean.

Amir is like a pit bull with tassels.

He's still under my ex-husband's spell.

It's okay, I get it.

You were married to the champ.

Maybe Amir doesn't think you're ready to move on to the king... of Wall Street.

Oh, believe me, we have both moved on.

He just happened to move on while we were still married.

So you moved on... on?

Been there, done that.

(elevator dinging)

Have the tattoo.

Hey, Mom.

Hey, Mom.

Zoe: And that right there is why dating is complicated.

♪ Zoe Ever After ♪
♪ Zoe ♪

(cheering on TV)


Amir here.

Why didn't you tell me that Mr. Moon was here?

Yes, Mr. Moon was here.


Oh no!

The back of that head belongs to my son Xavier.

And the back of that bigger head belongs to...

Gemini Moon!

Big fan, man, huge.

That Dominguez fight in 2010?

Ooh, epic!

Don't even get me started about Franklin in '08.

Okay, I won't.

You know what, Sean, maybe we should call it a night.



We'll call it a night.

Can I... can I at least call you?


Gemini, Sean wants your number.



Oh, yes!

Man, nah!

You owe me 20 bucks! Give it to me!

You know what? Here's 100.

'Cause you're a champ, just like your pops, Mini-Me.

That's right.

Let's bounce.

Traffic's probably d*ed down now anyway.

Wait, where's your stuff?

Dad always buys me new stuff.

Dad always buys you new, better stuff, don't I?

Listen, contrary to how you father spends it, baby, money doesn't grow on trees.

I'm gonna count to three and you better be packing your old stuff by two-and-a-half.



Can you have my back like once?

I got your back, baby.

I got your front too.

I see you shining.


This is not for you.

And if we're gonna co-parent, Gemini, we gotta be on the same page.

I mean, just because we're divorced...

Whoa, whoa, let me stop you right there.

We are separated, we are not divorced yet.

We have been separated for a year.

Sign the papers.

You sign the papers.

(cell phone alerting) The champ is here!

The champ is here!



Nah, nah, I got my son this weekend.

I can't do that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll talk to you later.

All right, peace.


My agent.

♪ Bada-da-o, bada-da-o... ♪

Yeah. Ugh!

When I imagined the story I would tell my children about how I met their father, it did not include swiping left and swiping right.

It seems so desperate.

Oh, honey.

You are a 35-year-old single black woman...


Living in Manhattan, wearing Tory Burch flats!

It doesn't get more desperate than that, darling.

Morning, team!

Good morning.

What y'all working on?

Oh, you know, not on trying to find Pearl a husband.

See, this is why you don't hire your best friend.

She puts her business before your business.

Ooh, girl, and swipe left on that one.


He's cute.

Pearl, his profile picture is a mug sh*t.

Well, if we don't believe in second chances, who will?

Mm-mm-mm, thug life!

How did it go at last night's pop-up boutique in the BK?

Everything sold out except for Zoe Moon Go Ahead And Make Me Blush blush.

Evidently the brown girls in Brooklyn don't do rosy cheeks.


But... there is a silver lining.

Lupita's makeup artist was there.



And she loved all the new products.

What do you think about approaching Lupita about her being the very first face of Zoe Moon Cosmetics?

Other than your face, of course.

Right, you'd be the upfront face.

You know, the hot, young face, not that you're not hot and young...

Stand down, I got this.

(phone ringing)

She got this.

Oh, I'll get the phone.

Zoe Moon's office.

Oh my God.

Pearly, this is amazing.

I must admit, girl, I have been so stressed out about all the money I've put into this place.

Lupita could be exactly what we need to take the company to the next level!

See, this is what happens when you hire your best friend.

She puts your business on the map, "biotch."


Hi, Mom.

Hey, baby.


Word up, good people.



Pearl, looking... pearly.

Assistant dude, ain't you looking super fierce.

I know that is a word that you Chelsea people love.

I live in Harlem.

But thank you.

Gemini, why are you guys here?

Did you forget that X has school this morning?

Did you forget that we have a parent-teacher conference this morning?

Did you forget that I have a parent-teacher conference this morning?

My bad.

Um, there was a virus on my computer and, see, I was opening up this attachment from my frenemy Cameron...

You know what, y'all don't wanna hear about this, huh?

Well, the point is I'm calling IT right now.



Keep an eye on him and his attachments, okay?

I'll be back in a couple of hours.

Got it. Bye.

Thank you. Bye.

man: Oh my God, that's the champ!

woman: That's Gemini Moon!

woman: Take a picture!

woman: Get the camera, get the camera!

woman: I can't believe he's here!

Oh, here he comes, here he comes, here he comes!

man: I heard he's gonna fight Juarez.

man: Oh, for real? That man's going down!

woman: Yeah, he's available now.

Is it just me or is it hot in here?

That and the air conditioner is broken.

Get back to work, Raquel!

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

We can't have these people in here sweating.

Especially not this dude.

I'm dying!

I got you, my man.

I'm gonna call my guy.

X, remind me, call my guy.

(cell phone beeping)

Dad, call your guy.

Baby... come here.

Mommy's gonna need you to sit right over there for a second, okay?

Daddy and I need to have a grown-folks moment.


Be right back.

An iPhone, Gemini, really, for an eight-year-old?

Yeah, what's the big deal?

The kid wanted a phone, I got him a phone.

Oh, wow.

You know what?

I don't need you buying my son iPhones, and I don't need you to call your guy to fix my AC.

I got this, I got all of this!

Oh, really?


'Cause last time I checked, I was the one who's paying the bills up in this piece.

Oh, really, G?


You gonna go there with it?



You know damn well I could've taken your cheap ass to the cleaners.

I mean, do you know how many ratchet ex-wife reality shows I turned down?

Oh yeah, baby.

All your dirty drawers could be laying up in these streets as we speak.

I must be Ms. Diva Tina Turner...

Here we go.

I took the high road!

All I took from you was seed money to start my company, that apartment, and my name.

You're welcome.

X?! Baby?!

Zoe: Okay, maybe I don't got all of this.

♪ Zoe Ever After ♪

So sorry we're late, Mrs. Davidson.

We lost X.

We didn't lose him.


That would be wildly irresponsible.

Uh, X has this thing he does lately where he disappears for short periods of time.

He always comes back, though.

Boys, huh?

What you gonna do with 'em?

I brought you a present.

It's makeup from my new line.

We're expending, so...

But not that this has anything to do with us losing X.

Ooh, not losing him.

'Cause let's be clear: X was never lost.

Why don't you have a seat?


Uh, yeah, these... these seats are a little bit smaller than I remember.

Well, I'm sure you've gotten a lot bigger since you were in the third grade.

So has his head.

So why did you wanna see us?

Well, I was wondering if something might be going on at home?

X's father has moved out.

We're getting a divorce.


You mentioned that Xavier went missing.


Boys often act out when they don't have a father in the home.

And the statistics are particularly high in African American households.

I watch "The Wire."


Uh, look here, teacher...

Mrs. Davidson.

Well, she... she knows...

Mrs. Davidson, I may not be in the home right now but I am very involved in my son's life.

You know, matter of fact, I'm about to be even more involved in the future.

Yeah, best believe it.

The champ ain't going nowhere.

♪ The champ is, the champ is ♪
♪ The champ is ♪
♪ The champ is, the champ is... ♪

Oh, I don't know what to say.



Yes, what would Steve Harvey do?

Okay, see, that's the problem with you and every other single woman of a particular age these days.


You all done drank so much from the self-help punch bowl you can't think for yourselves.

Just free your mind and text the boy what's in your heart.

And if that doesn't work, text him your boobs.


Okay, here it goes. Okay.

All right.

What are you doing...


... November 13th?

November 13th?

Girl, why are you gonna ask a man out six months in advance?

It's my wedding date.

Oh my God.

November 13th, 4:00 p.m. at The Plaza.

It's all a part of my plan.

'Cause you know I always have a plan.


Graduating magna-cum-laude plan.

The have-your-own-PR-firm-by-30 plan.

Now this one's called "Nuptials by November."

First you identify the goals.

Wedding... dress, cake, DJ.

And identify potential suitors.

But you ain't got a man.

Which is what we're doing now.

All of this to say this whole thing is gonna be chocolate.

Zoe: Valente!

Oh my God, she's angry.

What is this ugliness that's messing with the beauty that is Zoe Moon Cosmetics?

It wasn't me!

Mr. Moon sent over his contractor to fix the AC.

His hot Latino "contracto."

It wasn't me!

Just take me to the contractor, please.


Ask and ye shall receive.


Mrs. Moon, meet Mr. Caliente.

Hey, Miguel.

You must be Mr. Moon's wife.

Soon-to-be ex-wife.

And what is all of this?

Oh yeah, sorry about that.

Your husband said you were having trouble with the air conditioning but turns out that's the least of your worries.

You've got some serious plumbing issues, not to mention the mold that's been forming in this...

Look, I'm... I'm sorry, Miguel.

There's been a misunderstanding.

I'm not really sure what my soon-to-be ex-husband has told you, but he's not involved in this business in anyway.

This business is none of his business.

It's actually my business.


Well, it says here...

"The owner of this office space, one Mr. Gemini Moon.

Mr. Gemini Moon contracts Maldonado Building, Heating and Air."

We're based out of Jersey but we service the entire tri-state area.

"To fix the air conditioning and bring all entities at 23...

Gansevoort Street up to code."

Now, the AC is done.

We're gonna tackle the pipes tomorrow.

Excuse me.

As far as the mold goes...

Look, Miguel...

You're an interrupter, aren't you?

Can I finish saying what I was saying?

I appreciate your due diligence.

And I'm sure it was a haul for you to trek out here from Jersey, so, Valente, be sure to validate him.

You are quite a specimen.

I meant his parking.

So did I.

I gotta get back to work.

Excuse me, Mr. Contractor, maybe I didn't make myself clear, but your services are no longer needed.

Well, maybe I didn't make myself clear.

This place is a shitbox.

How dare you?

This is a special building.

I mean, several famous African American authors rented space here back in the day when nobody else would rent it to 'em.

And I have the most beautiful magnolia tree right outside my office window, and not to mention, we are cater-cornered to Chipotle.

Say something!

Look, lady, uh, I get that you like your stories and your trees and...

Veggie quesadillas on wheat tortillas with salsa on the side.

I have nightmares about getting your lunch order wrong.

All right, look, I'm just doing my job, so you might wanna take this up with your husband.

No, maybe I should take all of this up with your supervisor.


Oh... oh...

What's so funny?


Oh nothing, it's just that your husband warned me you might be difficult.

Excuse me?!

In fact, his exact words were "spoiled brat."


But I told him that I had experience working with rich, bored housewives.

Like I said, I'm from Jersey.

Oh, and, uh...

... I am my supervisor.

Miguel Maldonado, owner and proprietor of Maldonado Building, Heating and Air.

That's right, we already met.

I will see you tomorrow, Mrs. Moon.

You know what?

I think I'm gonna stick around for awhile because this shitbox is a contractor's wet dream.

You tell Gemini to meet me at the loft tonight!

It's going down!

(elevator dinging)

Oh my God.


Amir here.

Why didn't you tell me that India Arie was here?

You told me to tell you if Mr. Moon was there.

You never told me...



Relax, baby.

I'm not here to spar with you tonight.

Remember this?

♪ I am ready for love ♪

Don't think you're slick.

Why I gotta be slick?

You always do this.

Every time you know I'm about to hand you your ass, you try to butter me up with some grand gesture.


And where do you get off calling your contractor spy when I specifically said...


You remember the first time we heard this song?

You came to watch me spar.

I remember that you had one of those, uh, two-length haircuts.

Like Jada Pinkett back in the day.

I was fly.

Yeah, you were.

I should bring that back.

Mmm... nah, nah.

We're good.


No, no, no, no, I'm turning off Memory Lane and I'm heading back down Getting Your Ass Highway.

Come on, girl, we had some good times.

And we had some bad times too.

Look, can we just focus on the good ones?


♪ Time that it takes... ♪

Whatever you're doing, it's not gonna work.

Just trust me.

Said the spider to the fly.

This morning at the school I felt like such a fool, you know?

It wasn't because I was sitting in them little itty-bitty chairs.

You did look ridiculous.

No, I felt like a fool 'cause...

'cause I let everything get to where it's got to.


No, just... just...

Here we go with the phone.


Let 'em go.

Are those pigeons?



As you can see, those are doves.

I see.

There's 20 of 'em, babe.

One for every year we've been together.

Look, I could've never achieved any of my dreams without you.

I need you.

(cell phone alerting) The champ is here!

The champ is here!

Are you serious?



Don't tell me there's more birds 'cause...

Nope, nope... about it.

♪ Ready for love ♪


Remember when we first moved here, after you won your first title fight?

I thought that was our happily ever after.

It was.

I mean, for you.

You were living your dream.

I... I just became "out of the way, please!

Just one with the champ alone, thanks."

That's not true.

It's very true.

And do you know what it's like to feel invisible?


Stop being yourself for a minute.

Now... for the first time in a long time I feel like I have purpose.

(cell phone vibrating)

I mean... this company, G, it's like the dream I never knew I had for myself.

I mean, it's a whole new...



Time to go.

I'm not ignoring you!

Get out of my way!

Get out of my way.

man: Hey!

What the hell's wrong with you?!

You're crazy!

Now where are you going?

I'm gonna get my damn phone.


Gemini, you're gonna stand here and you're gonna listen to me.

The way you treated me in our marriage was not okay.

The phone calls, the women.

Not okay.

And you making me feel invisible... it's not okay.

I mean, look at me for once.

Huh, see me for once!

Now watch me walk away.

♪ I don't wanna fight no more ♪
♪ I don't wanna see your face no more ♪

Oh, the divorce papers?

It's time for me to do me.

This is what you want?

This is what I want.

You really think that you can make it without me, babe?

♪ I took a look in the mirror... ♪

We'll see.

♪ Said who are you? ♪
♪ Didn't know what to tell myself ♪

We gonna see.

♪ Walk out the door ♪


♪ And I said I'm through ♪
♪ I ain't got nothing else ♪
♪ I can only be me ♪

I hate you!

I'm sorry.


I'm so sorry, okay?

I know you don't hate me.

You just hate what's going on right now.

It sucks.

I know.

And that's why you get lost a lot lately, huh?

I'm not lost, I'm just taking a breather.

And that's kind of what Mommy's doing too.

I'm taking a breather from Daddy so I can... so I can feel better about myself.

Do you understand?

I guess.

And just because Daddy and Mommy are taking a breather it doesn't mean that you're any less important to either of us.

But that's not so much what I'm worried about.

Well, then what is it?

If Dad's not here, who's gonna take care of you?


We're gonna take care of each other.

I love you, okay?

I love you too.


Zoe: Yup, so that's my life.

Sometimes it's fabulous, sometimes it's complicated.

And sometimes a dove poops on my head.

That's okay.

I heard it's good luck.