02x05 - Future

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Poppy and Georgie Carlton are back.

Reporting live for "News Today", I am Nerissa Knight at a private airport in California where English aristocrats Poppy and Georgie Carlton have arrived on U.S. soil.

Narrator: The royal siblings... 58th and 59th in line to the English throne...

I'm Poppy.

Hello, Lisa Vanderpump.

...are still being followed 24 hours a day by a documentary crew.

Georgie, we share a common name.

Yes.

And this time, they're joining the ranks of the Internet generation.

Hello, investigative journalist Poppy Carlton here.

Narrator: ...Filming themselves as they embark on a cultural tour across the United States.

Are you ready?

3, 2...

No, I'll do it. I want to do it.

3, 2, 1... record.

Narrator: As they investigate the subjects that define American life today.

Technology can be used in many ways.

Georgie: I was always worried that robots would take over, but having seen this, I think we're all right.

So, why are you here in the United States?

We're here to learn about the future, robots and space, things like that and so forth.

You heard it here first.

I'm Nerissa Knight for "News Today."

Hello, Mummy!

I'm in America!

Narrator: Intrepid online commentators Poppy and Georgie Carlton are in the United States of America learning all they can about American culture.

This week, they're looking forward, investigating the future.

Action.

Hi, I'm Georgie.

No, that's ridiculous.

You've done far too much already.

In the future, will we still need science?

Oh, absolutely.

Georgie: In the future, do you think people will be numbers, gas, or computers?

Computers.

Same.

In the future, who will win from robots and holograms?

It would have to be the robots.

Robots.

Yeah.

Robots, ghosts, transformers, electric women, boobie butlers, k*ller gas wasps, and wi-fi everywhere.

Those are the things we need to expect from the future.

Narrator: Poppy and Georgie are beginning their odyssey into the future at the Chabot Space & Science Center, where they will embark on a simulated flight to Mars.

Hello, Georgie Carlton. Lovely to meet you.

Narrator: After a brief costume change, they are ready to start the mission.

Man: Welcome to the spacecraft.

Goodness.

Oh, wow. It's like a film.

Yeah, from the '80s.

Now, at each of your stations is something that looks like this.

These are your task cards.

These are your step-by-step instructions for how to operate your station.

Now, do astronauts use task cards?

You bet they do.

Here's a photograph of Kathryn Thornton on a space walk.

A lady?

Yes, that's a lady.

Oh, hilarious.

Is it just the lady ones who need the task cards?

No, everyone uses task cards in space.

Poppy: Sometimes women are slower than men.

That's feminism.

We have not found that to be true on these missions.

Okay.

Narrator: Midway through the mission, the crew guide Poppy and Georgie through some essential equipment.

Woman: All right, so I'm gonna open the airlock, and this is gonna show you the motherboard of the probe that we have built.

When I hear probe, sometimes people say they've been taking by aliens, and they had something put up their back nostril.

Is that to do with that?

Up their what?

Back nostril.

Okay.

It's a... that's not what we are doing.

That's not what this probe is for?

No, this probe is going to be trying to get some information from one of the moons of Mars.

'Cause that's what's confusing me, as well, 'cause moon in England is when you pull your trousers and pants down and show your bottom to the teacher.

I'd like to move you both over to the life support station.

We have a situation here.

Commander, we could use a couple of extra hands.

What's the matter?

Oh, God!

Eww!

We have a situation. All hands on deck.

All hands on deck.

[ALARM BLARING ] Oh, no!

Man: Okay, we've got...

Narrator: The crew are simulating a crisis to test how Poppy and Georgie perform in an emergency.

Everyone remain calm.

Smells like dry ice.

The computers are telling us we've got three minutes of breathable air left in the spacecraft.

That means we've had a full oxygen system shutdown.

Okay, do we have to decide who to k*ll?

But luckily, we've got two oxygen systems on this ship.

We need to reconfigure the oxygen system.

Oh, lovely.

This is it.

Keep rolling through.

My shoe got stuck in that.

You're doing fine.

Georgie, can you help me with my shoe?

I am really stuck. It's stuck.

What's the matter?

My shoe.

Oh, no.

Woman: Commander, we're reporting only three minutes left of air.

Hang on, Poppy's shoe is stuck!

Okay, that's the main oxygen system.

Woman: One minute of breathable air.

That is one minute.

Woman 2: Faster. Toby's not making it.

Toby's dying!

There's only one minute.

Toby's not making it.

That's green! That needs to be green.

Man: Oxygen levels are returning to normal.

You've saved our lives.

Life support team, good job.

[APPLAUSE] Well done.

Georgie: Well done.

Just in the nick of time.

Toby: Thank you.

Nicely done.

So, Toby, are you all right now?

Nice job.

Great job, guys.

You've made it in the nick of time.

You saved him.

I was really close, as well.

Did you see, my shoe got stuck?

I don't like being a shoe put over my life.

Right.

I was really concerned about the shoe, as well.

Georgie: It's all right, the shoe's all right.

I wasn't concerned about the shoe being okay.

I was concerned about the safety of my life, personally.

Narrator: To serve as their guide to the future, Poppy and Georgie have enlisted the help of legendary "Star Trek" actor and activist George Takei.

I'm Poppy Carlton for "Poppy Culture" sitting here with George Takei, interviewing him about the future for Poppy.

And Georgie Carlton.

Every time, you don't...

I do.

She never mentions me.

Georgie, we share a common name.

Yes, George.

My father was an anglophile.

He loved things English.

That's really nice.

And I was born in 1937.

That's the year that George VI was crowned, and hence, my name.

And when my brother was born, he was round and fat and roly-poly, as fat as Henry VIII.

Oh.

Oh, really?

So guess what his name is.

Fat...

Fat boy?

Henry.

Oh!

Oh, lovely.

So, tell me about your trip here.

You're touring the United States.

Yeah, we're learning about the future.

Learning about the future. You came to the right place.

America is the future.

Narrator: In the name of research, Poppy and Georgie are attending a tech conference to observe futuristic inventions in action.

What's that on your head?

So, this is an EEG headset, electroencephalograph.

It's measuring my brain waves.

Oh, lovely.

And right now, we're using it to control a flower to make it bloom when I'm focused.

So, I'll stop talking for a moment, and I'll concentrate.

And if I stop concentrating, if I distract myself, the ball will fall back down, and the flower will start to close again.

And what's the point?

So, what's all this, then?

This is an a*t*matic cooking machine.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah, think about it as your home robotic cook.

Oh, goodness.

I was always worried that robots would take over, but having seen this, I think we're all right.

I could k*ll this really easily.

[LAUGHTER]

Georgie: First of all, thank you for having myself and my sister, Poppy, at your event, and giving us a glimpse into the future.

I must say, it all seems rather exciting, and that everything is progressing at a ripping old rate.

But what we must remember is that, just because something is new, it doesn't mean that it is necessarily better.

Just because a mechanical butler makes a beep-beep-boop-boop, that is no replacement for the consistency and tender touch of Nanny.

Also, human staff react much better to the thr*at of v*olence.

Just something to bear in mind when you're designing your next robot dog or rocket shoes or what have you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

[APPLAUSE]

I think that went really well, Poppy.

Lot of dweebs.

Narrator: Poppy and Georgie Carlton are in the United States of America, investigating all aspects of the future.

I was always worried that robots would take over, but having seen this, I think we're all right.

Helping them on their way is legendary "Star Trek" actor George Takei.

Do you ever worry about the apocalypse or prepare for it?

People who are always worried about doomsday, the apocalypse coming, are a radical, small fringe.

And I worry about <i>them.</i>

Yeah.

We have a panic room at Caunty Manor, where we live, and a picnic room, as well, in case it gets too wet outside to eat outdoors.

Mm-hmm. To have an indoor picnic area is sensible because in England, it does rain a lot.

Narrator: For many, the future is a frightening prospect, so Poppy and Georgie have come to meet a group of people who are preparing for the worst.

Hi, how are you folks doing?

Hello.

Good, thank you.

We're preppers, at least that's the politically correct term now.

We used to be what were called survivalists, but of course, survivalist has a strange connotation.

But now it's pretty much mainstream.

It's just people concerned about, what if our financial institutions collapse?

What if we go to w*r? What if there's a pandemic?

You just go down the whole long list of things that could stop our way of life in Western society as we know it.

Is it a secretive thing to be a prepper, then?

Is it something to be ashamed of?

Actually, I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of, but most people don't like to let people to know they're preppers.

One of the reasons being, let's say, worst case scenario.

The last thing you want your neighbors to know is that you actually have food, water, and other supplies when they don't have anything.

Oh, so just being selfish, but it's allowed this time.

Exactly.

'Cause I sometimes get told off for that attitude, but you're saying it's encouraged.

Narrator: After a brief introduction, it's time for some basic weapons training.

In England, I know that you guys have restrictive laws on some things, and that's fine.

And I know that most people, within the first day or so, are gonna start improvising weapons.

It's usually broken bottles, chains, and everything, but I was thinking... what would I do if I was in England?

I'd find the nearest mop, the nearest broom, break the handle off.

But I was thinking...

London, cannibal r*pe gangs, class enemy...

What? That's not a thing in London.

We don't have cannibal r*pe gangs in England.

Work with me here. Picture this.

I'm absolutely not getting on board with that, so...

I'm painting a picture here. I'm painting a picture.

If you don't mind, I'm gonna ask my hand-to-hand specialist, Milo.

How would they handle, if they had a group of people, and they had a stick, and the other people had knives?

What would you do?

Milo: First of all, if there's a bunch of people, the fact is, everybody can do, it's just s*ab, right, with the stick.

The other thing that I don't actually condone, what you could do is actually take feces and rub it on the end.

Oh, my gosh.

Create a pong.

Science guy, how long before sepsis gets in?

Doc? You're the expert.

So, being poked with pointy sticks or any pointy object with any fecal matter is bad.

Yes, I think... I think...

Anything to do with any fecal matter is bad, I'd say.

You could almost just do one in front of your door, and that would stop people coming in.

That was really clever.

It would work for me.

Or just put a "do not disturb" sign.

That's what I'd do in zombie "acopopalypse" because if you do it in the hotel...

I did this morning... Nobody comes in.

They just let you be.

Even a cannibal r*pe maid.

Apparently, the nerds are the future.

Really?

Yeah, well, they invent everything, don't they?

The nerds invent things that make life better, and when life's better, the handsome, rich people can enjoy it more.

That's so nice.

Yeah, really nice of the nerds.

Narrator: Poppy and Georgie have been invited to meet Zoltan, presidential candidate for the transhumanist party.

Hello.

Hey.

Narrator: Zoltan believes that, in the future, the human condition will be transformed using technology.

Come on in.

Thank you.

Poppy: Thank you, Zoltan.

So, what exactly is transhumanism?

Transhumanism is essentially using any type of technological kind of innovation or any science to improve the human being and improve its experience.

I like to think of it in terms of driverless cars, robotic hearts, bionic arms.

I find it fascinating, all the things that are actually happening.

You go to a w*r zone, you lose an arm, they put on a bionic arm. In a few years, that bionic arm's gonna be better than your real arm.

Could you have an extra arm, even.

Yes, yes, there are people that are talking about that, too.

A couple extra arms, a couple extra legs.

Our nanny's got an extra arm.

She keeps it in her bedside drawer, a big extra arm thing.

For what?

I don't know what for.

I asked her about it, she looked really upset.

So, what is it that you do here that's transhumanist?

Essentially, you would put on a special type of goggles.

There's cameras that are filming things, and instead of you seeing right through your reality, you're seeing the reality through the camera that's being filmed, so we call it an augmented reality.

Narrator: Helping them get equipped to play the futuristic game "Outerbody" is its creator, Jason.

How do you do? I'm Poppy.

Pretty good.

Hello, Georgie here on Georgie cam, my camera.

Goggles going on now.

No, sorry, I've got a big head, Jason.

Narrator: Jason fits everyone with headsets that transmit video from a camera in the ceiling.

Whoa!

Providing an out-of-body experience.

Hello, Poppy!

Try and point to where your new viewpoint is.

All right, so I'm gonna lead you guys to your starting positions in this maze.

The way this maze works, you've got to collect all four of these white Xes just by walking on them.

Okay, I'm ready.

I'm really good at things.

This is very odd. I look like an absolute idiot.

Why has no one ever told me?

Go.

I went the wrong way.

This is the different reality.

Can you get dizzy in this reality?

Because I can't work out how to get down here.

Jason: So, the trick of how to be good at this game is to let go of this illusion that you actually exist inside of your body.

Now, I'm gonna put this box down, and you're gonna use those other black-and-white boxes in the back to re-create a three-dimensional copy of this, but it's gonna be bigger.

Okay, let's go for it and see you start building.

[LAUGHS]

Zoltan, help him.

Please, Zoltan.

Where's your arm?

Here.

You need to stand?

Yeah.

Okay.

You need bionic arms, Zoltan.

I'll come from behind you and do it.

I'm slipping down.

I'm... I'm not very good at this.

It's not the past anymore.

The future's arrived, and it's called Poppy.

Don't touch me there, Georgie.

Narrator: Poppy and Georgie Carlton are in the United States investigating the future.

You need bionic arms, Zoltan.

George Takei is providing them with expert advice on the subject.

Do you think, in the future, there will be an invention of an electric lady that you could marry, or at least go out with?

Well, you know, there are people now who fulfill themselves with... mechanical ladies.

Where do you get them from?

On Hollywood Boulevard, you'll find many shops that are called sex shops.

[LAUGHS]

So, yes, technology can be used in many ways.

Hollywood Boulevard?

Here in Los Angeles, yes.

Have you visited Hollywood Boulevard yet?

No, but I think we will.

Narrator: Poppy and Georgie are immersing themselves in a dystopian world, participating in a live-action role play that takes place in a zombie-infested, post-apocalyptic future.

Hello.

Howdy.

Hello, I'm Georgie.

Narrator: They've come to meet Jess and Fulson, their guides.

So what's going on here, then?

This is dystopia rising.

It's a live-action role playing game that we play.

It is played in the post-apocalypse.

Civilization has fallen.

Do you play characters in the game, then?

Yes.

Jess: We all create our own characters after a set of sort of rules.

We have something similar to race.

We call it strain.

And now it's more based on class and...

Like Britain.

Yeah, like Britain.

So you know who's at the top and who's at the bottom.

Yes.

Yes.

Some people are just born to rule.

Actually, we have a strain that is exactly that, the purebloods.

Can we be a pureblood, then?

You most certainly can.

Lovely.

In fact, since you will be purebloods, you have to decide what house you're from.

Can I be our own house?

Caunty Manor.

Caunty Manor?

Yeah, Caunty.

Caunty.

Caunty.

Caunty.

Caunty.

Caunty.

Caunty.

Caunty.

No.

No.

Narrator: Before they can take part in the game, Poppy and Georgie are dressed for the part and taught in the art of combat.

This is dreadful.

Before you can fight zombies, you got to know how to fight, so hold up your w*apon like this.

You have a number of hit points, so you two will have eight hit points.

So if I go two, two, two, two, you would be out of health.

Jess, what do you mainly do during the game?

I play a priest of the religion final nights.

There was a priest in our village who got arrested for fiddling with a boy.

Ooh, that's not...

Does that happen in zombie apocalypse?

Absolutely not, that's absolutely not what we do.

That's what the catholic church say.

Yeah, they always say that. That's how you know they do.

Narrator: Trained and ready, Poppy and Georgie now travel to a nearby village to meet their teammates.

Oh, no.

What are they doing?

Those are really nasty zombies. We need to get to town.

[ROARING]

They sound like Mummy after all of her drink.

[ROARING]

Sod off! Get off our land!

Go on, get gone!

I want to hit one. I'm going to hit this one.

Two, two!

Got one.

Ten seconds.

Seven, seven, seven.

Seven, seven, seven. Seven, seven, seven.

Georgie: Yeah, well done, everyone, good job.

Seven!

[GROANS]

Good job, everyone. Teamwork, good job.

Narrator: During a break from the zombie att*ck, Georgie has a brief moment to talk to Jess.

Well, if you ever need any entertainment or anything like that, this is kind of a poor community, so I like to try to get the money in there, and of course, purebloods, you guys are living so much better than we are.

Are you flirting with me?

I'm not flirting with you, no. I'm married.

It feels like you're flirting.

I am absolutely not flirting.

Okay.

I think the priest was flirting with me.

Really?

Yeah.

Not the first time a priest flirted with me.

Watch it! Watch it! Watch it!

Put up your shield!

Hey, there's a buffet over there.

[BLEEP]! Don't let them in!

When does the buffet start?

Is that pesto?

[GROWLING]

Excuse me, is that pesto?

Die!

Oh, lovely. Can I try the pesto?

Really good pesto.

Seven, seven, seven.

No wonder the zombies want to come over.

Oh, my God.

What?

That is a Goliath.

That is a big, nasty... It'll ruin your day.

Oh, my God.

You do not want to be near that.

What should we do?

I... run away?

I don't think I like the apocalypse.

I hate zombie apocalypse!