01x01 - Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Whoa. Oops.

(STEVIE WRIGHT SINGS) ♪ I got some money in my pocket ♪
♪ I got the car keys in my hand ♪
♪ I got myself a couple of tickets ♪
♪ To see a rock'n'rollin' band ♪
♪ Come on, girl, just get on your shoes ♪
♪ We're gonna hear some sounds ♪
♪ Come on, babe, you know there ain't no time ♪
♪ To mess around-round-round... ♪
♪ Evie, Evie ♪
♪ Evie let your hair hang down ♪
♪ Evie, Evie ♪
♪ Evie let your hair hang down... ♪

Sorry!

Bloody goose!

Whoops.

♪ Evie, Evie ♪
♪ Let your hair hang down... ♪

Ta. Hey, Kev.

♪ You got the body of a woman ♪
♪ The way you move it like a queen ♪
♪ You got the face to raise a riot ♪
♪ And still you're only 17 ♪
♪ But, little girl, you're oh-so-shy ♪
♪ You hardly make a sound ♪
♪ Come on, babe, you know there ain't no time ♪
♪ To mess around-round-round... ♪

That's the bastard we need.

Which particular bastard is that?

♪ Let your hair hang down ♪
♪ Yeah-eah-eah-eah-eah-eah ♪
♪ Ahhhhhhhhh! ♪
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas... ♪

Come on, Ziggy.

♪ And a happy new year ♪
♪ Good tidings we bring ♪
♪ To you and your kin ♪
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ And a happy New Year... ♪
♪ Good tidings we bring ♪
♪ To you and your kin ♪
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ And a happy New Year... ♪
♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
♪ And a happy New Year ♪
♪ Good tidings we bring ♪
♪ To you and your... ♪
♪ You're not to blame... ♪

Remember Osiris, Ian.

♪ To you and your kin... ♪

Hello?

Hello, Mr Meldrum?

♪ We wish you... ♪

Get that line in first, Dave.

Hello?

Mr Meldrum?

Hello, Molly. Are you there?

Molly? Are you there, Molly?

OK, Dave. He's not well.

We'd better get him out of here.

That left pupil's blown.

Yeah, still with us.

I like that tune, Ian.

Keep practising.

Remember, Ian... you treat everyone the same.

Let me have it, John.

I'll make it a classic, I promise.

♪ Come and see the real thing ♪
♪ Come and see the real thing ♪
♪ Come and see ♪
♪ There's a meaning there ♪
♪ But the meaning there doesn't really mean a thing ♪
♪ Come and see the real thing ♪
♪ Come and see the real thing ♪
♪ Come and see... ♪
♪ I am the real thing... ♪

Er, yeah, sorry, Russell, lovey.

Can we stop? Stop, stop, stop, stop.

There's just something missing, you know?

Yeah, I know, Ian. Another guitar.

He's running late.

Stuff the guitar.

♪ There's a meaning there ♪
♪ But the meaning there doesn't really mean a thing ♪
♪ Come and see the real thing ♪
♪ Come and see the real thing ♪
♪ Come and see... ♪
♪ I am the real thing ♪
♪ Ooh mama mama ♪
♪ Ooh mama mama, ooh mama mama, ooh mama mama ♪
♪ Ooh mama mama, mama mama-mama ♪
♪ Mama mama-mama Mama mama-mama ♪
♪ Tryin' hard to understand ♪
♪ The meaning that you'll see in me ♪
♪ Trying hard to understand ♪
♪ The meaning that you'll see in me ♪
♪ There's a meaning there ♪
♪ But the meaning there doesn't really mean a thing ♪
♪ Come and see the real thing ♪
♪ Come and see the real thing ♪
♪ Come and see ♪
♪ I am the real ♪
♪ (Real) ♪
♪ Thing ♪
♪ (Thing) ♪
♪ Ooh mama mama, ooh mama mama ♪
♪ Ooh mama mama, ooh mama mama... ♪

Razzle Dazzle pokes into the stalls.

Gates close.

The usual, thanks, Jack.

No worries, Moll.

Speak of the bloody devil.

Robbie Weekes! How's tricks?

Michael Shrimpton, Ian 'Molly' Meldrum.

Nice to meet you, Michael.

You too.

Seriously, I was just talking about you, and here you are.

What are the odds?

Oh, pretty good, I'd say.

So, Moll, you got much on at the moment?

You should see the producer, Caro.

I swear he's the spitting image of a young John Gielgud.

I doubt he's ever seen a rock band in his life, though.

Hey, I was watching that.

Can you sort these into years?

Start in '74 and work backwards.

Yes.

But you're not the director, right?

No, we used to work together back in the 'Kommotion' days.

Not that we did much work.

And they want to do a rock show? For Channel 2?

Yeah, I know. But no-one's said yes, though.

But it's the blind leading the bloody tone deaf over there.

You know how long I've been dreaming of a show like this.

Ever since you were a little girl.

Oh!

TV is the go. No two ways.

All this ink is just preaching to the choir.

Ooh, my Molly's gonna be on the telly!

No, not me.

They just want me to tell them what groups to have on, that sort of thing.

They want me to pitch it tomorrow, but I tell ya, I don't have a bloody clue where to start.

Hmm.

Oh, I remember this.

Lynne Randell.

Gone to America.

Olivia Newton-John.

Off to London as soon as she had a hit.

And why not? No-one takes you seriously in this country unless you've been famous overseas.

And all we get on the radio here are bloody covers of the US and UK top 10s.

The only way you can ever see local music is if you go out to the clubs and, you know, see it live.

And how are the kids supposed to do that?

I mean, we've got some of the most exciting musicians and songwriters in the world.

Billy Thorpe, Lobby Loyde & the Coloured Balls, er, Stevie Wright, Russell Morris, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

And unless you're old enough to get into a pub, you'd never even know they exist.

Er, the show, Meldrum?

Right, um... er, well, they all do us a lot of proud.

Er, I'm telling you, this show is just going to be a huge buzz.

The entire country's been waiting for it.

Been writing letters, signing petitions.

I mean, you name it, they've done it.

Seriously, just tell me who I have to root to make it happen and I'm in.

Thank you, gentlemen.

We'll certainly take your proposal under consideration.

Right.

I stuffed it, didn't I?

No, I think they're really looking forward to that root.

Probably drawing straws right now.

(HUSH SING) ♪ Oh, c'mon, everybody ♪
♪ We need everybody ♪
♪ C'mon, we'll take over right now ♪
♪ I said, c'mon, help us make it ♪
♪ We know that you can take it ♪
♪ So c'mon, everybody, right now ♪
♪ Oooh ♪
♪ Do you want to take over? ♪

Molly?

Come in if you're good-looking!

What? Ian!

In here, fellas.

Don't!

Oh!

Come in, come in, come in.

Sorry.

Are you OK, Meldrum?

Why wouldn't I be?

Because your Celica's wrapped around a pole outside, doll.

I'll, er, miss that little rice rocket.

Oh, yeah. I never liked that car.

Er, this is the lovely Caroline, my house mate.

Mr Robbie Weekes and Michael Shrimpton, Esq.

Oh, Sir John.

And this is... this is my beautiful fiancee, Camille.

Hi.

Look at her!

I'm really sorry about the show, guys.

Ian's devastated.

So are we.

We were hoping we'd seen the back of him.

But unfortunately we've been approved.

Without me, of course.

Au contraire, Mr Meldrum.

The board were convinced you're an indispensable member of our team.

You'd better not be bullshitting me.

Just six half-hours to start with.

After that, who knows?

Well, what are we all standing around here for, then?

Whoo!

Righto.

Yeah, just put it away. We'll go. OK.

♪ Well, I remember when I was young ♪
♪ The world had just begun and I was happy ♪
♪ I used to wonder about the Earth ♪
♪ And how it moved around the sun ♪
♪ So snappy ♪
♪ Imagination going wild makes a very backward child ♪
♪ They told me... ♪

Sorry, mate.

♪ So back at school I'd sit around ♪
♪ Just waiting for the sound so I could go home... ♪

See? Live music.

♪ Sometimes I think about it... ♪

Molly!

Hey!

Meldrum!

Hey.

How are ya, mate?!

You'll break your gonads.

Where are those g*ns we were talking about?

Hey, mate!

How you doin'?

My office. Let's go.

Righto. Too loud.

When people ask me if the music business is glamorous, I just point out this one, set 'em straight.

No.

Someone's got to be sensible.

Michael Gudinski.

Michael's head fungus at Mushroom.

Michael Shrimpton.

You listen to much rock'n'roll, Mick?

Don't even start, Michael.

We are only here to talk about Skyhooks.

Oh, that'd be right.

You're not even on air yet, you've already sold out.

Well, I don't think you could say...

Fine. I'll do it without them.

Well, I don't need you anyway.

I've got punters around the block every time they play.

Record sales, radio play, magazine covers, new fans -- wouldn't want any of that, would you, Michael?

That's teeny-bopper stuff, mate. Where's your rock'n'roll?

We've got live bands in a studio.

Miming to playback.

On television, in colour.

So they are miming? I bloody knew it!

You are a disgrace, Meldrum.

You know, this is bullshit.

I'll book Sherbet instead.

Oh, ya sell-out!

Yeah, yeah. Dickhead!

Right, you can have the Hooks, but we go first.

Sorry, what was that?

You can have the best bloody band in the country but we're gonna go first.

Deal.

Come on, then.

Give us a bloody hug, then, you idiot.

Get out of it.

Come on.

Bring it in here.

Get out of it.

Look at that little grin you've got on your face.

We right for the footy this Saturday?

I reckon we're in for a chance this week.

You follow the footy, Michael?

Er, afraid not.

Ah, well, we'll just make you an honorary Saints fan.

It's pretty much the same thing as...

(BILLY THORPE SINGS ON RADIO) ♪ Most people I know ♪
♪ Think that I'm crazy ♪
♪ And I know at times... ♪

Sherbet and Skyhooks are both in.

But we'll have to keep them away from the rider.

That's easy. We don't have one.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We have to have a rider.

They don't need grog.

We record in the middle of the afternoon.

Have you ever actually met a muso?

A name, Meldrum. The show needs a name.

We're running out of time.

'Galactic Rock'? 'Rock Galaxy'?

'Rock...' 'Rock World'?

Nope.

I have this. Art department's already done a mock-up.

Graham?

'Pop Machine'? Over my perfect dead body.

Er, 'The Rock Scene'?

No, I thought this one was good.

No.

No.

'Rocking the Clock'?

It's not 1954.

Wanna hear the new theme? Brian just gave it to me.

Yeah.

♪ Pop Machine... ♪

OK, fine. No 'Pop Machine'.

Er, 'The Rock Show'?

'Lowdown'?

'Get Down'?

'Go Down'?

I like that one.

Ugh. Holy Nora.

Look, let's reconvene tomorrow.

Everyone go home and get some sleep.

Did someone tell Nora?

♪ If my eyes could not see ♪
♪ I wouldn't see you walk from me ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ But that's not so ♪
♪ And I'm gonna miss you, babe ♪
♪ I'm gonna miss you, babe ♪
♪ And I'd rather miss the plane ♪
♪ But I'll handle it again ♪
♪ Gonna miss you, babe... ♪

Ian?

♪ Gonna miss you, babe... ♪

What time is it?

I'm sorry, sorry.

It's either late... late yesterday or early tomorrow.

I don't know. I've lost count.

Go back to bed, lovey. I'll try to keep it down.

Well, I'm up now.

Sorry.

I know that face.

Come on, spill.

What if I don't know what I'm doing?

They think I do, but... what if I don't?

What if I stuff this whole thing up?

That's a lot of what-ifs.

Well, if this one falls apart no-one's ever gonna give me another chance.

I will.

Oh, you have to.

One of the rules of married life, is it?

Didn't you read the handbook?

No.

I'm, er, more of a... hands-on kind of person.

(SUZI QUATRO SINGS) ♪ Well, at the age of five ♪
♪ They can do their jive down in Devil Gate Drive... ♪
♪ And at the age of six they're gonna get their kicks ♪
♪ Down in Devil Gate Drive ♪
♪ Well, your mama don't know where your sister done go ♪
♪ She gone down to the drive, she's the start of the show ♪
♪ And let her move on up... ♪

Go. Ready?

No.

♪ She can jive ♪
♪ Down in Devil Gate Drive... ♪

No.

No.

♪ Well, your mama don't know where your sister done go ♪
♪ She gone down to the drive, she's the start of the show... ♪

Cheers! Cheers.

Thanks, guys. Thanks for staying back.

♪ She can jive ♪
♪ Down in Devil Gate Drive ♪
♪ Some come alive ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Come alive ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! ♪
♪ Whaaaaaaaa! ♪

That is... That is gold. Spot on.

Karl.

Morning, Robbie.

Morning, Moll. Mate, you have got to listen to this.

What have you got for me?

Red Wires. Both sides are amazing.

Wow.

Gentlemen.

I like it.

This is the one.

Yeah.

Rock'n'roll, gentlemen.

That's rock'n'roll.

This is it.

We get it wrong today, it's all over.

You're on time.

Only 'cause I didn't go to bed.

Let the carnival begin.

Christ on a stick! Why didn't someone tell me?

We only just found out ourselves.

Oh, not today, not today.

The hospital won't let Greg out.

I've been yelling at the nurses all morning.

No, I don't want to know that.

I just want to know you've got the whole band in there.

Yeah.

G'day, Moll.

Shirl.

Just put a bass in her hands and a pair of sunglasses.

Well, it's not like she's gonna actually have to play anything, right?

Just put her up the back.

Any chance a cold beer's on the rider next time, mate?

Any chance you don't smoke dope in the ABC?

Mr Wade.

Thought I might say a quick howdy-do to the talent.

Oh... you know artists, Mr Wade.

They, um... their process.

You know, they like to meditate and that.

Understood.

Very much looking forward to the show, Mr Meldrum.

It's gonna be a ripper.

Fu...

How you going, mate?

Yeah, good.

Good. We're going to come here in about 40 seconds.

Sound, do you have a cart ready?

Yep, ready to go, Weekesy.

Mate, it's not 'Play School', Robbie.

They look like they're lining up for Sunday bloody communion, not going to see a live band.

Yeah. They're too bunched up, Ted.

Spread them out a bit, mate.

Yep. Copy that, Rob.

Could I spread you guys out? You're too bunched up.

That's it. Sort of spread right out.

We're at a live show. We're not a church, so...

Hi.

We need lots of energy from you.

We're gonna sh**t the whole show, start to finish, no stops.

So how about a big cheer for Grant Goldman?

Oh, come on!

They'll get into it once the music starts.

Yeah, here's to hoping.

Stand by for the opener. VTR-1.

Coming to you in 10... 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2...

Are you sure you don't need a colour antenna?

No, that's the antenna it came with.

Well, righto.

Up a little, Robbie.

To your left.

Oh, it's starting.

You're in tune with the national network.

That's it! Don't move, don't move!

And now, from our Melbourne studios, Australia's first-ever colour broadcast.

It's 'Countdown'.

♪ Countdown ♪
♪ Countdown ♪
♪ Countdown, Countdown ♪
♪ Countdown! ♪

What if no-one likes it?

It's too late now, doll.

You can't go back and re-tape it.

Well, let's just hope someone's watching.

(SKYHOOKS SING) ♪ I'm living in the '70s ♪
♪ Eatin' fake food under plastic trees ♪
♪ My face gets dirty just walkin' around ♪
♪ I need another pill to calm me down... ♪

Ohhhh, that's pretty good.

♪ I feel a bit nervous ♪
♪ I feel a bit mad ♪
♪ I feel like a good time... ♪

No, there's two...

Watch this.

You're all bloody geniuses!

Yeah!

Eh?

♪ I'm livin' in the '70s... ♪

Renee, lovey.

What did you think?

I thought I was wonderful!

Bloody good show, Moll.

I thought you said fantastic.

Well, it did the job, mate.

I've got a few ideas for next week, actually.

Oh, this is a party. Keep your paws off him.

It was OK, wasn't it?

How many times? It was brilliant.

Come and have a drink.

Mr Wade! Glad you could make it.

Mr Meldrum.

Please, seriously, everyone just calls me Molly.

I'm sure they do.

So, what did you think of the show?

Moll! Come on.

Why are you fighting me?

Come through. Grab a drink, mate.

(LOBBY LOYDE SINGS) ♪ Love me, girl ♪
♪ Because I love you ♪
♪ I love you, girl ♪
♪ Love me, girl ♪
♪ Because I love you ♪
♪ I love you, girl... ♪

Seriously?

Mate, I don't know. Straight out of, like...

You might be right if you're...

Excuse me, mate. Is this your party?

Er, yeah. Are we being too loud?

We are, aren't we?

But we have to be. We're celebrating!

Name's Raggsy. This is Hoffa.

We live next door. We like it loud.

Love it loud.

Come through.

Yeah?

Yeah!

Good to meet ya. Have fun.

How's that?

That would have been so...

Just for a second there, I got a real fright. My God!

Hey!

Hey.

What are you hiding out here for?

We're just chatting.

So, are we dancing?

Yes!

Hey, come on.

Wake up, darling. Wake up. Darling...

Shut the door! Shut it.

Come on, sweetheart. Sweetheart, that's it.

That's it. Come on. Good girl.

That's it, that's it. Good girl.

That's it.

Bloody idiot!

You... you cannot tell Molly.

(SKYHOOKS SING) ♪ Just like me 'cause I'm good in bed ♪
♪ You just like me 'cause I'm good in bed ♪
♪ You just like me 'cause I'm good in bed... ♪
♪ You just like me 'cause I'm good in bed! ♪

Hey, Mr Wade, come and dance.

I'm fine, thank you.

Oh, no, no. We're all friends over here, mate. Loosen up.

Whoa. Hey, steady on, tiger.

It's disgusting!

Let's keep it civil, eh?

Get off me. I'm not like you.

What am I?

You're all drunken degenerates.

These are my friends, dickhead!

Well, perhaps you should choose more carefully.

Hey!

Molly!

Stop it!

Oh, sh*t.

Molly!

Get him off! Get him off!

Get off him! Meldrum, Come here!

Molly, what the hell are you doing?

Go on!

Oh, f*ck him. This is meant to be a celebration.

Let's hope we have something left to celebrate.

OK, OK.

I'm sorry. I'm fine, I'm fine.

It's fine. I'll fix it. I need a drink.

Whoo!

Come in.

Mr Wade.

Thank you, Janice.

(SHERBET SING) ♪ When I first saw you standing there ♪
♪ My heart missed a b*at ♪
♪ When you looked at me that way ♪
♪ You got me on my knees... ♪

Hey, girls.

What was your name?

Karen. -- Karen.

OK. And just sign it there?

Whoa, whoa. Hang on, hang on.

Just turn around there, lovey.

The back. OK, the back.

Alright, Shirl.

"To Karen. Love, Shirl."

Go!

♪ When I kissed your tender lips... ♪

I've found them, boys.

Take it away!

What you're thinking about -- boom, boom, boom.

♪ You're so good ♪
♪ You're so fine ♪
♪ I'm so glad, so glad you're mine ♪
♪ Oh, I need you ♪
♪ Can't live without your love ♪
♪ Oh, I want you, girl ♪
♪ I'm so glad, so glad you're mine ♪
♪ I'm so glad, so glad you're mine ♪
♪ I'm so glad, so glad you're mine ♪
♪ Whoo-hoo! ♪
♪ I'm so glad, so glad you're mine... ♪

Keep on smiling, eh?

Will do.

See ya.

And who was that?

Er, Phil. That was Phil, from, er... from the show.

The best boy.

"The best boy." That is too easy.

Just be careful, my love, OK?

Hey, I always am.

I meant with Camille.

Makes it easier.

Yeah, easier.

Because it's so bloody hard walking around the front.

We need our house for band practice, mate, you know that.

Yeah, the Prahran Axe -- a rockin' band.

How much practice do you need to play air guitar?

Caro!

Hey, Moll.

Hello, Weekesy.

Help yourself.

Thanks, Caro.

Shrimp's worried we're not going to get renewed.

Oh, bullshit. What about all the letters and that?

There's no shortage of Clag and glitter.

We need something new.

I'm thinking we need a video clip, outside sh**t.

I'm game.

One hitch -- the equipment's not insured once you take it out the front door.

Well, let's not use the front door, then.

Yeah.

('LONG WAY TO THE TOP' BY AC/DC)

♪ Ridin' down the highway... ♪

G'day, Squeak.

How are you, mate?

Good on you, Squeak. If anyone asks, we were never here.

♪ Stoppin' on the byways... ♪

Alright, ready, girls? And hit the fence! Go!

Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no.

You have to be excited.

Yeah, you're in love with him.

But who is he?

Doesn't matter. You're in love with him anyway.

Let's just go back. Do it again.

Ready? More energy this time.

Action!

Whoo-hoo! Whoo!

Yes, that's it.

More!

This way, please. Go back this way.

sh*t.

Keep going, keep going!

♪ It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock'n'roll... ♪

Do you know how much paperwork this is going to take?

And do not get me started on the spray I just copped from the director of news about a missing 16mm Eclair.

That camera.

Oh, that was just a prop.

At least hear the thinking, Shrimp.

You've seen the clips coming out of the UK.

I mean, we're gonna start looking like a Christmas panto in bloody Quambatook if we don't step it up.

We figured the less you knew, the less you'd cop for it.

Did either of you bozos think to ask if any of this equipment is insured once you take it outside the studio?

The next time you decide to go rogue, you might want to take someone with you who knows how to break the rules properly.

You do the paperwork.

And now, premiering on 'Countdown' for the very first time...

And VTR-1, go.

John Paul Young with 'Yesterday's Hero'.

♪ When I walk down the streets ♪
♪ See the people who stop and stare ♪
♪ And say, "Haven't I seen that face somewhere ♪
♪ "A long time ago?" ♪
♪ They say, "Haven't I seen your face before?" ♪

On the b*at, please. Ready, camera 1.

Stand by, crane.

Move, move, move! Move, crane!

Move up, crane! Go!

♪ Take a look at me I'm yesterday's hero ♪
♪ Yesterday's hero... ♪

Camera 2. Stand by.

Go.

♪ Make a new start and be somebody better ♪
♪ All that I'll be if I don't get together now ♪
♪ When you walk down the streets ♪
♪ If you know me, then pass me by... ♪

Yes!

♪ If you wonder what I'm doing Don't ask me why ♪
♪ I don't read the news... ♪

Alan Wade.

♪ If you followed my story, then just be glad ♪
♪ You ain't in my shoes... ♪

Holy hell! Let's get him out of there.

Soon.

♪ Yes, I was the boy who used to live next door... ♪

Crane, go.

♪ Right?

♪ Take a look at me I'm yesterday's hero ♪
♪ I'm yesterday's hero ♪
♪ Is all that I'm gonna be if I don't get together ♪
♪ Make a new start and be somebody better ♪
♪ Now. ♪

I paid 20 bucks for that shirt. It was real silk.

After that goes to air, you'll be able to buy 100 new shirts.

The kids will just eat that up, Mr Wade.

They'll be talking about that for decades.

You can save the defence. I'm only the messenger.

Come on, that was rock'n'roll history in the making.

The board have decided to give you a permanent slot in the schedule.

Sunday, 6pm. Congratulations.

Mwah!

♪ Yesterday's hero ♪
♪ Yesterday's hero ♪
♪ Whoa oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh... ♪

Yes!

Well done.

Multiple rib and vertebral fractures, pneumothorax, shoulder injury.

I rechecked his pupils. Hardly any response.

Body's filling up, upper region.

It's not looking good. Patient GCS8.

Prep him for a CT scan straightaway.

Let me come with you, Mum.

Just listen for the wind in that tree, boys.

Please!

Ian. Ian.

Mum!

Can we come with you, Mum?

Let go.

I'll be back before you know it.

Let go, darling.

Please!

Ian... Ian, let go, darling.

Let go. Let go, please.

Mummy has to go.

Come on. It's time to go.

Mum!

Ian. Ian.

Mum!

Ian!

Please!

Ian, come on.

There.

There's a good boy.

Well may we say, "God save the Queen"...

♪ Summer love is like no other love ♪
♪ Leave before the hurt gets stronger, ciao... ♪

Alright, 30 seconds.

Move up the table.

The scan's up on the monitor.

See? There's Osiris, there.

"He was a very powerful god whose body was torn apart and scattered far and wide, right across the sands of ancient Egypt. The sky goddess searched everywhere so that she could find all the parts and put him back together again."

Do you think she could fix Mum?

I'm not getting any motor response.

Let's get that line in.

You can't always put people back together, Ian.

It's not that simple.

But if she is a goddess, can't she do anything?

We've been in touch with the family.

Come on, Meldrum. They're waiting.

OK, but we're the station's number one show.

The ratings aren't the issue here.

Why the hell not?

The editorial committee is of the view that 'Countdown' doesn't fulfil our obligations under the Act.

When did that suddenly happen?

You really should read your memos.

This attitude can't continue.

But we're a pop show.

It's not the ABC's job to 'pop'.

We are expected to inform the public and maintain the highest broadcast standards.

Is it a crime to entertain them as well?

Music clips and screaming girls?

Let's try a little harder, Mr Meldrum, yes?

(BILLY THORPE SINGS) ♪ It's almost summer ♪
♪ And I can almost feel that sweet sunshine ♪
♪ Pourin' out... ♪

Does he think I just pull names out of a hat?

We've generated more excitement, sold more records than he's had hot bloody vol-au-vents.

Don't 3 million people watch every week?

Ratings?

That is a dirty, dirty word, Camille.

You'd better wash your mouth out immediately.

Meldrum!

Out here, Michael.

Oh, sorry.

Nah, you're right. Come through.

We're still dressed... just.

Stop it!

I don't want to disturb.

It's just I've been thinking about that meeting.

f*cking Wade.

I hope he chokes on his bloody broadcast standards.

No, actually, I think he has a point.

We could inform the public a little.

You're serious?

Deadly.

We should do a review segment.

And we should use someone who's already on the inside.

Someone who knows music back to front, lives and breathes it, in fact.

No.

Ian, you're perfect.

No.

Why not?

You really want all of this on national television?

It doesn't get any better when you put a camera on it.

Don't you trust my judgement?

When it comes to rock'n'roll, no.

♪ Winter's here... ♪

Hi. I'm Ian Meldrum, and welcome to the 'Rock Report'.

One of the most break-out recordings of the year is... upside down a-bloody-gain.

♪ Whisper another tune ♪
♪ Why did you disappear ♪
♪ When all I want is to hold you near? ♪

(w*r SING) ♪ All my friends know the low rider ♪
♪ The low rider is a little higher... ♪

Afternoon!

♪ Low rider drives a little slower ♪
♪ Low rider is a real goer... ♪

Check out these jokers.

Toto, I think we are not in Kansas anymore.

Ah!

This is where I grew up.

Explains a lot.

They used to take my mum away on, er, little holidays.

On her way out, she'd say, "Listen to the wind in that tree, boys."

"That's me, wishing I could be back here with you."

That's very sweet.

It's bullshit.

You're either present or you're not.

And you're not here, Caro.

You're throwing it all away, and for what?

I'm fine.

Face up to yourself.

Because you're so bloody honest about who you are.

Molly, you ran as fast as your bandy legs could carry you from this place.

You think a little country drive, a little D&M in front of an old tree...

This isn't about me.

Don't get me started on what you're doing to Camille.

At least I'm trying. I love Camille.

And I love you too, Caro.

You're the best friend I've ever had, Molly.

I can't lose anyone else.

I'm not going anywhere.

Promise?

Promise.

Cross my broken heart, OK?

Now, can we please go back to the city?

The country gives me the willies.

Besides, don't you have somewhere else you have to be?

♪ I get along but I feel unstable... ♪

Moll, doll, you sure that's your colour?

You don't want to look like an Oompa Loompa.

Do you want me to fail, is that it?

Why would I want that?

So you can both have a bloody good belly laugh.

OK, Ian, you're being ridiculous.

If you don't want to do it, then don't do it.

Then who else would they get?

That's the spirit. You go get 'em, tiger.

Christ, which one of you two let me talk myself into this... mess.

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh... ♪

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Here's Molly Meldrum with his 'Rock...'

Er, Ian, not Molly.

Management will lay an egg if they hear that.

Ian Meldrum, 'Rock Report'. Got it.

Hey, don't worry, Ian.

There's only 3 million people watching, eh?

Have you got Squeak in place, Ted?

Standing by.

Camera 1, give me a close-up. Stand by, 1.

Fade sound.

Stand by, Squeak. Coming to you now.

And... 1. Take.

And now, here's boring old Molly with his boring old humdrum.

2. Take.

Um...

OK, the boys have really done it this time.

This one is a beauty.

It's an instant true-blue classic.

You do need to go and own this.

Beg, borrow, steal or buy a copy of this album.

This is an absolute beauty.

Whatever street you're on, run down it and go and buy it.

You can pause it there, Video Tape.

Mr Meldrum, are record companies paying you for these reviews?

Are you serious?

It's a reasonable question.

I'm... I'm doing exactly what you asked for.

What I asked for was some gravitas, something for the discerning ABC viewer, not a free sales pitch for the record companies.

But it's a review segment.

If Meldrum thinks a record is good, the logical conclusion is he'd encourage our viewers to listen to it.

How can they do that if they don't buy it?

I have turned a blind eye to your relentless self-promotion, but I will not allow this to happen on the taxpayer's dollar.

What about supporting Australian music?

We'll take a look at the language.

Thank you, Mr Shrimpton.

We're only doing what you asked for.

Well, perhaps it's time to face the fact that you're not the right man for the job, Mr Meldrum.

Do you...

Meldrum!

Meldrum.

I bought him a tie. What more does he want?

Clearly he wants you to quit.

Right, then, I'll quit.

Oh, really?

When did you start doing what he wants?

It's all in there, Meldrum.

Let's just find the way to get it out.

♪ Countdown ♪
♪ Countdown ♪
♪ Countdown, Countdown... ♪

Stand by, camera 1.

Fade graphics. And 1, take.

Alright, well, that was Linda Ronstadt with, er, 'You're No Good'.

And what a ripper of a song that is.

Er, now, er, it's, er... it's got a peculiar name --

'Dia... Diamantina Cocktail'.

It sounds like something you wouldn't want to order too late in the evening, you know?

Cocktail.

Er, so get out and, er...

There is no doubt that we all loved 'Million Dollar Riff' from the Skyhooks.

So, keep an eye out for this one.

Oh, fu...

They have been going nuts for this album in America.

And rightly so.

I don't know what more I can say, but, er... run right out and do yourself a favour.

('TURN UP YOUR RADIO' BY THE MASTERS APPRENTICES PLAYS)

♪ Rockin' and rollin' You're still doing it now ♪
♪ 15 years today and you remember how ♪
♪ You're gonna hear it now blastin' out your radio... ♪

Whoo!

♪ Listen to the music now Turn up your radio. ♪

Whoo-hoo!

Molly! Moll!

Have you listened to my demo yet?

Do yourself a favour, Molly.

I told you, this isn't gonna work. There's a system.

If I say yes to you, the gates will get all flooded and that.

Molly, just so you know, I'm not leaving.

Look what the cat finally dragged in.

I've brought that song around you were talking about.

No, forget that.

What 'Countdown' needs is a bit of sex appeal.

Yeah, ladies first, Kenny.

Michelle?

I am so sorry I missed you yesterday.

Massive night at the Croxton.

Oh, the place was a sweatbox.

Really, I should talk to them about getting some air conditioning or... at least a couple of fans.

Who's the blondie?

He said his name was Jason.

Assumed he was a friend of yours.

Mmm. Lucky me.

So... what have we got today?

Split Enz.

♪ And if you all had rooms ♪
♪ Would you still have room for me? ♪

Mwah!

♪ Making the way for you and dear old family tree ♪
♪ Like the stormy sky, it's a sad song ♪
♪ It's just a point of view but a true song ♪
♪ And if you all looked up, would you still look down on me? ♪
♪ I'm just a country boy ♪
♪ Can't you see that I'm still green? ♪
♪ Raising finance for the day we meet... ♪

Here you go, love.

Thank you.

Gave you some extra beans. Thought you looked a bit pale.

Yeah, very good.

Phil, Tim.

Hey, Molly. How are ya?

Yeah, good. Lookin' good.

Who are those ones now, Molly?

Ah, they're Split Enz, Dot. From New Zealand.

That makes sense.

Hey, Moll, Moll.

What did you think of my girl's single? Hell of a hook.

Er, yeah. Can't seem to get it out of my head.

It's got top 10 written all over it.

Got to get her on the show. She's got legs up to here.

Half the country's gonna chub up.

Right. Er, well, if a slot opens up, I'll let you know.

Well, maybe this might help open up those slots, you know what I mean?

What are you doing?

It's just between me and you, mate.

You've got to be bloody joking.

Jesus.

Don't look at me.

He's banned.

From the house, from the studio, definitely from the ABC bloody canteen!

Don't yell at me. He's not one of mine.

You should've been there, Michael.

I swear, I nearly d*ed of shame.

So, you didn't pick up any of the cash, then?

I'm just asking.

Hoping you might pay for the drinks for once.

Oooh!

Don't you...

Don't you... Come here.

Go on.

I will. I will.

How you going, man?

Well, that's my cue.

Good luck, blondie.

Jase, how are ya, mate?

Good to see ya. Do you want a drink?

Yeah, let's do it.

Alright.

Oh, no!

Hang on, hang on.

Why are you sitting in the dark?

Where have you been?

Jason and I had a few drinks after the show.

Don't blame Molly.

I'm the one that made him try the Flaming Lamborghini.

I don't even know who you are.

You remember Jason. He's Raggsy's mate.

They all look the same to me.

Camille...

Better make myself scarce.

Er, yeah, rightio, mate.

See ya.

That's it?

You've got nothing to say?

You want a drink?

We're supposed to be engaged.

I don't know what you want from me.

I want you to choose.

What's to choose?

Thi... this is who I am.

This... this is my life.

My passion, my work, the music -- it's all the same thing.

I'm not talking about that bloody show.

Let me ask you this.

If I wasn't here tonight... what would have happened?

That's what I thought.

And now you're alone again.

You happy?

Now, doll, are you sure you're up for this?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Life goes on and all of that.

Hey, are you two planning on joining us any time this year?

Just lining up a gig for Prahran Axe.

They're not going to book a fictional band.

Mate, you will rue those words the day we break, alright?

In your dreams.

Oh, hang on -- already is.

Thanks, John.

Cheers, mate.

sh*t. Come on, Hof.

(THE SWEET SING) ♪ Let's go!

♪ Oh, it's been getting so hard... ♪

Hey! Yeah!

♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ My dreams are getting so strange ♪
♪ I'd like to tell you everything I see ♪
♪ Mm-mm ♪
♪ Oh, I see a man at the back as a matter of fact ♪
♪ His eyes are red as the sun ♪
♪ And a girl in the corner, let no-one ignore her ♪
♪ 'Cause she thinks she's the passionate one ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, it was like lightning ♪
♪ Everyone was frightening ♪
♪ And the music was soothing ♪
♪ And they all started grooving ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪

Come and relax. Want to sit down for two minutes?

What do you want, mate?

What's it to you?

Never seen a bloke in a dress before?

Who the f*ck are you, huh?

Mind your own bloody business, dickhead...

Raggsey! What the f*ck?

Come here, you f*cking gutless prick.

♪ Ballroom blitz... ♪

Hey, get off him!

Oi!

Get off him!

Get your hands off him.

♪ Oh, I'm reaching out for something ♪
♪ Touching nothing's all I ever do ♪
♪ Oh, I softly call you over ♪
♪ When you appear, there's nothing left of you... ♪

Yeah, I didn't know Wade read the 'Truth'.

I call the next witness for the defence -- Mr Meldrum.

Mr Meldrum, can you confirm to the court the fact that the accused were out that night at the Croxton Park celebrating the signing of a new record contract for their band the Prahran Axe?

Yes. Um, yeah. Yes, I can.

And could you elucidate for the court, in your expert opinion, the career prospects of these two young men?

You mean as musicians?

That's correct.

Er, I'd say, er... good.

Well, I'd say, er, that their prospects are... are very, very good.

Um, excellent, in fact, in, er... in my humble opinion.

Thank you, Mr Meldrum.

Mr Meldrum, this, er, hotel is your place of employment, is this correct?

Er, yeah, that's right.

I do a regular gig of a Thursday night.

Disco mostly, but I, er... I do like to mix it up a bit.

But it's the crowd who decides, really, Your Honour.

You can't make a dance floor dance.

You have to really be particular about the mix that you choose.

And on this particular night, you were in the presence of another friend, Charles Jenkins, otherwise known as Caroline Jenkins.

Yes, that's right.

Are you aware that Mr Jenkins is the manager of a notorious South Yarra brothel?

How is that relevant?

Mr Meldrum... are you a h*m*?

With all due respect to the court, I'd like to go down and bop him on the nose, Your Honour.

Be that as it may, Mr Meldrum, would you please answer the question?

No. I am not a h*m*.

What?

Well, I'm not.

Oh, come on, mate.

You can admit it now. You were under oath back there.

Totally lied.

No, no, no. I didn't.

He got his terminology wrong.

What?

I'm bisexual.

Ohhh, got him!

Alright, to my knight...

What? It works.

To my knight in shining polyester and -- whoever he wants to go to bed with -- the fabulous, fabulous Ian 'Molly' Meldrum.

Molly!

Molly!

Well done, boys.

Meldrum, a word in private.

Anything you have to say, this lot have heard a million times before.

OK. Management have asked me to tell you to pull your head in.

Oooh! Ho-ho, you blokes hear that?

Eh? No more mirror balls.

It's not just about that.

They're not very happy with your... living situation.

('GIRLS ON THE AVENUE' BY RICHARD CLAPTON PLAYS)

How is that any of their bloody business?

The ABC has an image to protect.

Why should I give a stuff?

You're a public figure, one of theirs.

Well, I'm telling you, they can go and stick it.

That's exactly what they're saying to you.

No-one's irreplaceable.

♪ Don't you slip ♪
♪ Don't you slip in love ♪
♪ With the girls on the avenue... ♪

That's a lovely sh*t.

Think you can do anything about these bags, lovey?

Stop you going out all night.

Oh, you'll never guess the latest. - Mm-hm?

'Cleo' want me to do a centrefold.

Oh, they're gonna love that upstairs.

Oh, yeah, you think?

Especially Mr Wade.

Ha! - I'm not that interested anyway.

Come on, you love the attention.

Trust me, not all of it.

I've got Ted Mulry ready to record that interview when you are, Moll.

Look at that, ladies and gentlemen.

A beautiful straight sh*t.

Is it my watch? Shouldn't we be on air by now?

They didn't tell you.

You ready there?

And grab it, Penny.

What the hell's going on here?

Piss off, Molly. We're on air.

f*cking golf!

'Countdown' was meant to be on 15 minutes ago.

Mate, it's the Victorian Open. It's the sudden-death play-off.

I'll give you sudden death.

Mate, people have been watching this all afternoon.

We can't leave 'em now.

What, both of 'em?

Oh, right. Very droll.

Now, can you f*ck off out of my control room? We're live.

Take it up with Wade. Grab that again, Pen.

I knew that little prick would be behind this.

Meldrum! Look, they're saying 6:30.

Great -- I'll just do a ring-around and tell 3 million people to turn on their tellies in 10 minutes time.

We'll just start from 'Humdrum' and play from there.

So we're being cut by half?

You're a spineless jellyfish, mate.

You're as bad as he is. I'll take your throat out, Wade!

No, no!

Hang on, hang on!

That would be as*ault, Mr Meldrum, and you'd end up in court again.

Get it off air now.

That is a very important game.

I don't care if it's the Second Coming.

The fans are expecting to see 'Countdown'.

And that's what they'll get right after the trophy presentation.

I could break...

Settle down, Moll.

Walk away, little man. Go on.

You ball-less newt!

Settle down, Moll.

This is exactly what he wants.

Don't give it to him, alright?

Don't.

Six... five... four... three... two... one.

Well done, well done.

How about that, folks?

She certainly knows how to play the piano accordion.

And next up we've got a couple of Quambatook boys.

Well, at least one. You decide.

They're gonna laugh at us, Ian.

We're the entertainment, Freddo. That's the whole idea.

The bleeding's stopped. The oedema's very severe.

Might not be reversible.

Stay with us, Moll. You love these bright lights.

('DON'T FALL IN LOVE' BY THE FERRETS PLAYS)

Do yourself a favour.

Ooh, hold it.

Oh, got it. Alright, that's it.

Three, two...

Beautiful, mate. Beautiful.

That's it.

I'm dancing, mate.

You want the moves? Mate, I'll give you the moves.

Hey-hey!

A coffee would be great. White with one.

And a couple of Scotches in there, eh?

Three... two... Hold it. Beautiful.

Thumbs up? Right, go?

Three, two... Hold it.

Great.

Look, I'm just worried you're taking on too much.

I know, I know. I hear you.

But you don't have to be, OK?

What the hell are you doing?

Taking you home to pick up the family.

In a Rolls?

Unless I run it up a lamppost on the way there.

(THE FERRETS SING) ♪ Underneath all there is is lies... ♪
♪ Can't you see they're cheating all of you... ♪

Dad, Dad, Dad!

Look at me, Dad! Look at me!

Hi!

A-hey, Shrimpy!

Hey, Dad!

Hi, girls.

♪ Ahhh ♪
♪ Don't fall in love... ♪

Hi, Dad!

♪ Ahhh, don't fall in love... ♪

Again!

OK, here we go.

Over there.

Where? Where?

Over there!

Oh, no. No, no!

Meldrum! Meldrum!

♪ Ahhh, don't fall in love... ♪

Enough.

Hello, Molly.

Enough.

If you fall apart on me, what will I do then?

You're all I've got, Caro.

What did you ever do to deserve that?

Come here.

I don't have to go back to Quambatook, do I?

No, lovey.

A huge steel, concrete and brick bridge over the railway line crashed down on the carriages.

What did Wade say?

Just that he had something he wanted to tell us in person.

Well, whatever it is, I'll take full responsibility.

Let's not get carried away.

Gentlemen.

You can't be serious?

This isn't something I take any pleasure in relating, but it is quite unambiguous.

And it names me? In person?

His Royal Highness has agreed to only one interview during his tour and his office have specifically requested 'Countdown' and its host, Ian Meldrum, that is correct.

Prince Charles? Pri...

Now, let me be quite clear -- you are on notice, Mr Meldrum.

You'd better get this one right.

Remember, the first time you speak to the prince, it's 'Your Royal Highness'.

After that it's just 'sir'.

'Royal Highness', 'sir', got it.

And whatever you do, do not touch him.

Yeah, I know, I know.

I actually met the Queen once in 1954.

Well, sort of.

They drove her around Shepparton footy oval in a black Rolls-Royce.

I was so nervous the night before, I threw up.

Well, let's hope you can restrain yourself this time.

Ohh!

OK. See, it's almost done.

There we go.

Thank God you were wearing dark colours.

"Arise, Sir Pissy Pants."

How do I look?

You look beaut.

It's not every day you get to meet a royal.

Too bloody right.

Shoulders back, everybody. They're almost here.

Hey, Hudson, you good with everything?

Right, I want you sh**ting straight down the moment he walks in.

Shrimp and I don't want to see you, OK?

What the hell, Ted?

Didn't know the crew was supposed to frock up.

Is there anything we...

No, no. Just...

Right this way, Your Royal Highness.

Camera 2, I'll get you on a two-sh*t the whole time, please.

Camera 1 tight on Molly and camera 3 on the prince.

Righto, Moll?

Righto.

OK, stand by, everyone.

Coming to us now in 10, 9, 8... 7, 6, 5, 4, 3...

1, ready.

.. 2...

Go.

And now we come to the most important part of tonight's program.

In fact, the most important part of the program's history.

Er, some months ago, er, we had a talk with Mr Harry M... M. Miller, er...

Oh, no.

Camera 3, pull back on the prince.

I don't like the look on his face.

Some mon... some months ago, we had a talk with Harry M...

Oh, f*ck!

Sorry.

Some months ago, we had a talk with Harry M. Mill...

Oh, no!

In fact, one of the most im...

I spat everywhere, didn't... I'm sorry.

Some months ago, we had a talk with Harry M...

Oh, no. I'm... I'm sweating like a...

I'm sweating like a pig.

Could I ju... Could I just have one glass of water, please?

"Can I just have one glass of water, please?"

Do you not have one of these, um, teleprompters?

Oh, Moll! sh*t.

No.

OK, 3, take.

Just have one more go.

You right? Just one more go. OK, sit down, sit down.

Sit down, relax.

Yeah, I know.

You're alright. Look around you. Familiar surroundings.

Eh?

Thanks, Ted. Cue Molly.

I believe you just got back from London.

Um, yes, as a matter of fact, I did.

Actually, I saw your mum driving in the carriage to open Westminster.

You mean Her Majesty the Queen?

Oh, yes, of course.

Don't worry, lovey. I'm gonna get this together.

Thanks, Janice.

Your lot did us proud.

We're so glad.

I've even had an official letter from the Prince's Trust thanking us for the opportunity.

It seems the ABC are the perfect vehicle "for His Royal Highness to reach the youth audience".

Well, he's welcome back anytime.

In fact, er, as you know, Alan, we have our 100th episode coming up.

Excellent achievement. Quite remarkable.

Unbelievable, really.

We're getting all the bands from the first episode back and we'd really like it to be a television event -- two hours live from the studio.

That sounds like an excellent plan. Why not?

And London.

Elton would definitely be in.

And Bryan Ferry.

Wings have a new album coming out.

Maybe Paul and Linda would have a chat.

I thought you said this show would be live?

We'll make it look live.

Pre-record in London and roll the tape off my questions live in the studio.

That sounds rather risky.

How hard can it be?

Know what I was thinking?

God help us.

Live concert in London to match the one in Australia.

It's never been done before.

Come on, we could make Australian TV history here.

There's already quite a lot to organise back here.

I could be there and back in the blink of an eyeball.

It's your 100th episode.

If Mr Meldrum thinks he could pull off a visit to another country to create this extravaganza, I, for one, would very much like to see him try.

I won't let you down.

See you don't.

Alright.

Shrimp?

OK.

Thank you, Alan.

(THE CLASH SING) ♪ London's burning ♪
♪ All across the town, all across the night ♪
♪ Everybody's driving with full headlights ♪
♪ Black or white, turn it on, face the new religion ♪
♪ Everybody's sitting 'round watching television! ♪
♪ London's burning with boredom now ♪
♪ London's burning Dial 9-9-9-9-9 ♪
♪ London's burning... ♪

So it's Bryan Ferry tomorrow, and we're still waiting to hear back from Wings.

Also, we really need to start locking down those Leo scripts before we head into the studio.

You really think we're gonna pull this off, Moll?

The crew have us on 3-to-1 against making it back home in time for the show.

You've never been away with me before, have you, Grant?

(JOHNNY ROTTEN SINGS) ♪ God save the queen ♪
♪ The fascist regime ♪
♪ They made you a moron ♪
♪ Potential H-b*mb... ♪

Nah, I'm alright.

♪ God save the queen... ♪

Rolling, Moll.

Yeah, well, whatever you like.

Just try and think of something nice, OK, boys?

Yeah, we've... we've been coming to 'Countdown' for the last three years now.

And we've always been treated good, yeah.

Nice set of guys -- Ian, John Paul Young and the girls.

What about the girls?

Tell them about the girls!

What the hell? Is there anything usable in there?

The mini-bar!

♪ God save the queen ♪
♪ God save you and me ♪
♪ God saves ♪
♪ A human being... ♪

Some people like it.

Others think it's silly.

Come on, Meldrum!

Stop flirting and give me something I can use.

♪ And our figurehead... ♪
♪ Is not what she seems ♪
♪ God save history ♪
♪ God save your mad parade... ♪

Relax.

♪ Oh, Lord God have mercy... ♪

So, is there a possibility if you do go back out on the road, say an American tour or an Australian tour, it'd be a concert like that or a solo performance?

I shouldn't think...

Possibly the way I'm thinking now, I want to go back to really simple things.

That's why I'm talking to you.

At least he looks like he's having fun.

How are things progressing, Mr Shrimpton?

Unbelievable.

I think we're about to make television history.

Well, then, I'm very much looking forward to seeing it all come together.

House of fun. Caroline speaking.

Tell me I'm gonna make it.

Are you kidding?

The papers are saying you have an exclusive interview with Rod Stewart, Molly.

Tell me he's as red hot in real life.

As soon as I clap eyes on him, you'll be the first to know.

You sound a bit down, doll.

Is everything OK?

I've got God knows how many people coming into Shepperton Studios tomorrow.

Paul and Linda still haven't said yes and I'm just sitting here in the middle of the night just spinning with the bloody stress of it.

So much fabulousness. My poor baby.

Sorry, mate. And you?

Tip-top.

I've got to go, Caro.

It's, er, room service.

What's his name?

Go on, then. Can't have you wasting away.

Thanks, lovey.

You were supposed to be back yesterday.

We go live in a day.

Final boarding call for Qantas Flight 10 to Melbourne.

All passengers to gate number 8 where your plane is waiting an immediate departure.

Grant?

He changed the flight because we got a last-minute confirmation on Paul and Linda McCartney.

Put him on. I want to speak to him.

You'd better not come back here without him, Grant.

You hear me?

We really have to close this gate now, Mr Rule.

Two more minutes.

I'm terribly sorry.

Wait for me!

I'm here!

Wait for me, loveys.

Talk about cutting it fine, mate.

Do you need help with those, sir?

Mate, I'm sorry. Thank you.

'Bye.

And now, it's a birthday to end all birthdays.

Live from the ABC studios in Melbourne... exploding onto your screens for the 100th time...

Stand by, opener.

.. it's Australia's number one show, 'Countdown'.

Roll opener.

♪ Countdown, Countdown... ♪

Stand by, crane.

Crane... go!

♪ Countdown! ♪

Where the hell is he?

We've still got the Leo intro.

There's a bit of time.

Find him.

Welcome to the 100th edition of 'Countdown'.

I'm Leo Sayer, and I'm hosting the British end of the show.

I'm just so jet-lagged.

I'm all twisted all around and over the place.

I don't... I don't actually think I can make it.

Here.

Something to help you stay awake.

Are you sure?

Yeah, yeah. They're only mild.

Bombs away.

I'm fine.

Finally!

OK, stand by, camera 1.

Stand by, Gavin. We're going live, people.

Hi, Moll.

Don't.

You OK, Moll?

Are you OK, Ted?

Yeah, good.

Good.

Stand by, Moll. We're coming to you.

But first over to Melbourne...

Stand by, Molly.

.. to Australia's very own Mr Ian Meldrum.

OK, alright. Now, Leo, thank you very much.

Now, from the Australian end on our 100th 'Countdown' we've got Supernaut, LRB, Daryl Braithwaite, Renee Geyer, John Paul Young, Ol' 55, TMG and Mark Holden.

But what better to start the show with a group that we introduced a long, long time ago.

It is Skyhooks with 'Horror Movie'.

Wrong song! Bloody hell!

Ready? Roll VTR-3. Go.

('EGO IS NOT A DIRTY WORD' PLAYS)

Can someone remind him to read the bloody autocue for once?

Moll, you right? You know what's next?

What?

You know what's next?

'Party to End All Parties'.

Righto. You right, mate?

Stand by, Moll. Coming to you.

Camera 2, take!

Er, well, we're, er, proud of that but we are even more proud because we have finally got the Skyhooks back together with Bob in the band as well.

We're gonna preview their new single.

This really is what it's all about.

'Party to End All Parties'. Skyhooks!

And... crane, go. Go, go!

♪ There was a rumour on the grapevine ♪
♪ The word had got around ♪
♪ There was a party goin' on ♪
♪ On the wild side of town ♪
♪ I said to Jody ♪
♪ "Do you wanna go?" ♪
♪ Now Jody likes to party ♪
♪ And I knew she wouldn't say no ♪
♪ Well, we got the right street ♪
♪ But we got the wrong number... ♪

Stand by, 3. Go!

♪ We heard that thunder... ♪

2, go!

♪ Of the party to end all parties... ♪

Tell me he's alright, Ted.

Copy that, Rob.

♪ Step inside and take a look... ♪

You alright, Moll?

I love your beard, Ted.

Nice beard.

I mean that, Ted.

Party to end all parties!

♪ We're gonna party till we can't party anymore ♪
♪ At the party to end all parties ♪
♪ Turn of the century... ♪

Camera 3, go.

♪ Party to end all parties ♪
♪ Step inside and take a look. ♪
♪ Ohh, insane... ♪

I know you like it when I give Squeak a hard time.

But I'm telling you, I give Squeaky... I give Squeaky a hard time... because he deserves it.

Now, who do you like better -- Moll or Squeak?

I love you, Squeak.

Does he seem more Molly than usual?

Alright, standing by, Ted.

Molly, stand by, mate.

And...

Stand by yourself.

.. cue Molly.

Now-now-now-now-now-now, let's go into the 'Countdown' audience...

Bloody hell! Go wide, camera 2. Go wide.

Hold on, hold on. Whoa, easy!

Hold on, hold on, hold on. OK, where are we?

Now, this is the 'Countdown' audience.

This is the audience that I say "shush, shush, shush" to.

Wider, Daryl!

Now, er, where are we?

Er, yes, we've got Ian and the Zoot.

Er... er, Leo, um...

OK, OK, OK.

Cut to Squeak.

Not now! When I call it!

Go wide.

Not you, 1. Stay tight on Molly!

sh*t! Alright, OK, OK.

Roll VTR-2. Let's go to Elton instead.

So, is there a possibility...

What the f*ck are you doing, Molly?

You right today, Moll? You seem a bit lost.

It's Renee Geyer!

Renee, lovey. Do I look lost?

I don't know, darl. Maybe.

On a whole other planet.

f*ck you, Squeak.

Stand by, everyone.

OK, focus. Now, Meldrum.

Meldrum, Meldrum!

Focus. We're coming back.

OK, we're coming back.

And... cue Molly.

Alright, here it is.

Punch me, right in the nose.

I'm inviting you to.

What, a left hook?

A left hook. Come on.

Ohhh! Ohhh.

Wide, 1. Go wide! What the hell is this?

On behalf of all women, you'd better slap me.

Ohhh!

Ooh.

Hey, Moll.

Roll VTR-2.

Alright.

Don't know how he does it. And right now we're gonna...

Come on, buddy. Come here. That's it.

Am I in trouble?

No, no. You're right.

You should speak to Squeak really.

It's not my fault. I was only joking.

Thanks, Les.

And now let's hear it for Sherbet with 'Howzat'.

♪ You only came for a smile ♪
♪ Even though you're really not my style ♪
♪ I didn't think that you'd run me around like you do... ♪

Come on, doll, let's get some coffee into you, OK?

I don't want a coffee.

Look, it's gonna help.

Trust me.

You f*cked me, Caroline!

I didn't know.

They don't have this effect on me, alright?

That's 'cause you're a junkie and you've ruined my life.

And now to take us out -- Squeak and Australia's leading lady rock vocalist, Renee Geyer.

What a night it's been.

Hey, listen, Ian Meldrum has been exhausted.

He's completely...

Well, he's done enough, Ian, and he's gone home, but he did say to say thanks to everyone that came tonight.

Let's have a round of applause for Molly!

('MATTER OF TIME' BY SHERBET PLAYS)

I'm done. Take care of yourself, mate.

I've forgotten your name. I'd ask Moll. So, anyway...

Weekesy!

Alright, fellas.

Catch you later. Bloody great, eh?

Maybe you should go home, mate.

Come on, it's been a long day.

Oi, this is our party.

You're right. You're right.

See youse later! Bye-bye.

You'll be back.

There you are, Moll. I've been waiting for you.

I bet you have.

Are we OK?

No, we're not.

Maybe you should go back to that f*cking building site.

Are you kidding me, Moll?

See how tough you are without the cameras on.

Mate, calm down...

Jesus Christ, Moll!

Get him off me! Get the f*ck off me, Molly!

f*ck off, Moll!

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah -- I'm the menace?

Take me away?

Calm down, you ding-dong.

f*ck you, Squeak.

Go have a lie down.

Alright, alright, alright.

Ugh! Alright.

You've called Alfred Street.

Be clever.

Hi, Molly. It's me.

I am...

I am... I am so, so sorry.

You're right about me. I stuff up everything I touch.

I'm just a bit broken.

But you... you are a star, OK?

Don't you ever forget that.

Goodbye, Doll.

What was all that?

Earlier on, I just took a couple of pills just to stay awake.

Well, I can guess where they came from.

Well, she... It wasn't her fault.

She wouldn't... She was just trying to help.

I like Caroline, you know that.

She's a beautiful girl.

But she's a mess.

Mate...

And so are you.

You know it was Robbie's last show today?

I forgot.

Oh, sh*t.

You remember that day at the Botanical?

I was not keen on you.

Not at all.

Weekes was the one who convinced me.

I've let you down.

I don't regret it.

Not a single minute.

This show, Meldrum, is something real... something good.

Just look at what we've already done.

Who knows what's coming next?

(DEVO SING) ♪ Freedom of choice ♪
♪ Is what you got ♪
♪ Freedom of choice... ♪

But you have to decide whether you're in it or not.