02x27 - Girl Meets Money

[bunniefuu]

Hey! A dollar!

They're finally paying us to come here.

Dopes. I'd come here for nothing.

You know why? I have to.

Stupid law.

Wait, everybody has one.

So, what do you got there?

It's a trap. Everybody just give your dollars to me, and I'll hold them is what I'll do.

Yeah.

The United States government says that these pieces of paper are worth something.

What makes them valuable?

Farkle, do it.

Paper money used to be certificates that you could exchange for their equal value in gold or silver.

Before that, people would buy things with livestock, colored stones, or shiny objects.

I like shiny objects.

Which one of these shirts is better?

Same size, same color, same shirt.

One of these comes from Cheapo's and costs $12.99, the other one comes from Demolition and costs 36 bucks.

So, which one's the better shirt?

Riley?

Watch my little fashionista go.

The Bleh shirt on the left, though appearing to the untrained eye to look the same...

It's the same shirt.

...is not from Demolition, making it inferior.

Same shirt.

I will take the Demolition Bleh.

(Chuckles) You already did.

This is your shirt. You spent 36 Washingtons on it.

It costs more, so it's better.

(Chuckles)

Same exact shirt from the same exact manufacturer that sends it to a million different stores all over the world.

Mine's better. It feels good on my face.

This is your shirt.

I changed the labels this morning.

(Quivers)

This shirt hurts my face!

Give me that one.

Mm. I know my shirt anywhere.

That's my Demolition shirt, isn't it?

Why would I change the labels when I can just talk?

Obviously you people will believe anything.

Mr. Matthews, are you teaching us that money has no real value?

I'm teaching you that money is paper we put our faith in.

Wars are fought over it.

Most crime happens because money's involved.

I'm safe.

I'm teaching you that the value given to money is a lot less important than how it's used.

That's what matters.

That's what shapes who you are.

Don't be mislead by trendy brands and shiny objects.

So, what should we do with our money?

Buy food.

Have shelter.

Do charity.

(Gasps)

Riles, you gave me the Demolition one.

Mm-hmm. Charity with a full heart.

Also, I made a mistake.

What about doing business?

My father is the Minkus of Minkus International.

Yeah, he's been in the news a lot recently.

I hear he's risking a lot of his company on a new technology.

It's something he really believes in, but he doesn't know if it's gonna work yet.

When will he find out?

Not sure. When he does this kind of stuff, he's... not around the house very much.

Farkle, how come you never have us over to your house?

I've already told you.

No, you say you're embarrassed by it, but how big could it possibly be?

I don't know. I haven't seen it all.

Farkle, we couldn't love you less just because you have more than us.

Not anymore.

Minkus.

Hi, Cory.

Is it okay if I speak to Farkle about a minor issue?

(Cries one cry)

Uh, Minkus, is this one of those where we go out in the hall and talk?

Yeah.

You know, it's... it's interesting.

I was just teaching the class about the value of money and how we place too much value on shiny things.

That's good... 'cause, son... I've lost all of our shiny things.

(Cries one cry)

(Theme music playing)

♪ I've been waiting ♪
♪ For a day ♪
♪ Like this to come ♪
♪ Struck like lightning ♪
♪ My heart's b*ating like a drum ♪
♪ On the edge ♪
♪ Of something wonderful ♪
♪ Face to face with changes ♪
♪ What's it all about? ♪
♪ Life is crazy ♪
♪ But I know ♪
♪ I can work it out ♪
♪ 'Cause I got you ♪
♪ To live it with me ♪
♪ I feel all right, I'm gonna take on the world ♪
♪ Light up the stars, I've got some pages to turn ♪
♪ I'm singing "go-o-o" ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ Take on the world ♪
♪ Take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ Take on the world ♪

Okay, I was able to find $24 in all of my piggy banks and drawers.

I sold a couple of baseball bats online.

I got $58 to kick in.

Thank you, Lucas.

All right, so...

Between the two of us, we can give Farkle $82.

Maya?

Between the three of us, we can give Farkle $82.

Good job, guys!

Hi, guys.

Hi, Farkle.

We wanted to give you something.

$82.

Thanks, but I think it's Maya who can help me out best.

How?

I want you to give me lessons on how to be poor.

Done. $82 a lesson.

Lesson one complete.

You have less than we do, Maya, but you live a really good life.

You don't just survive in this world. You thrive.

That's what I've always loved about you.

Thanks, Farkle.

Not much to tell you except... you see these clothes I wear?

Yeah?

Shawn bought them for me, and I take care of them and I appreciate them.

I don't have much, but I try to appreciate what I do have.

That's really good advice, Maya. I mean, I have so much.

I don't really appreciate any of it.

Now, it's gonna be gone.

Well...

Let's go to your house while you still have it.

My house?

Yeah. Farkle, you've been to our houses.

We haven't been to yours.

I don't think that's a good idea.

Farkle, we get it. You were rich.

You have a nice room.

Well, I just want to hang out with you guys at your places.

Why?

I don't know. I like your places.

We're going.

Your room can't change how we feel about you.

(Rhythmic thumping)

Why is your mouth open?

Maya's hitting me.

Maya.

Look at this stuff!

(Thumping continues)

How can you not hit him?

You have to stop!

What are you gonna do about it, little... rich boy?

(Train toots)

What is that? A train?

I'm gonna send you far, far away.

(Train toots)

You have boarded the "C" train for the kitchen, the skating rink, and the Minkus Megaplex 17.

Farkle, how do you possibly live here?

Look down there. The people are ants.

Look up there. I just saw a comet fly by.

Yeah. My ceiling is a planetarium.

But don't worry, Riley. Pluto will always be a planet in my room.

Aw. Good.

You're the same Farkle no matter how much money you have.

Yeah, I don't think money could change any of us.

(Train toots)

What? I stopped at the gift shop.

Something I can help you with, Aug?

Do you have any idea when the mother of the house will be getting home?

What do you need, Auggie?

Today's allowance day.

Mommy usually gives it to me.

Oh, okay. Well, here you go.

N... No. I'll just wait for Mom.

I don't get it.

What, her money is better than my money?

No.

I just know that Mommy makes more, and I don't want to put a dent in you.

(Chuckles) Well, that's true.

She does, but I think I can handle your allowance, Auggie.

What do you get there? One, two bucks?

Okay, I get two bucks.

Oh, what? You... you... you... you get three?

All right, this is gonna hurt my argument here.

It didn't have to come to this!

Uh... well... well, do... do you need to mail a letter? Here... here's a stamp.

This makes me feel bad.

Hi. How's your day going...

Quick! I... I need a buck!

C... Can you break a 20?

This makes me feel bad!

What?

Well, me and this cat would look wonderful strolling down the Champs-Elysees.

Being Poor Lesson Number Two: We will never stroll down the Champs-Elysees.

Paris.

Enjoy.

Oh, that's got some distance!

I don't get boys.

Farkle, what is this game? Zombies eat your brains four?

Do you really play this? I'm ashamed of you.

Yeah? Try it.

Stop it. What... what, this old thing?

(Accordion music playing)

No, I just got this out of the closet.

No, Jean Pierre L'Fontaine.

As fun as this is... it's not real.

(Music stops)

Lesson Number Three on Being Poor: Way too easy to get caught up in what's not real.

You got a great, big room, Farkle.

It just... keeps us too far apart from each other.

(Zombies growling)

Die, suckers! Die!

That's Lesson Number Four, right?

It's better to be together.

Always.

Hey, guys.

Great to see you enjoying our house.

Why haven't you ever been here?

Oh, hi, Minkus. Nice crib.

Die!

(Zombies scream)

Very sorry, you know, for the unfortunate turn of events.

Thanks. I've always felt that it's not the event that reveals the man, but how the man responds to the event that reveals the true nature of character.

How are you responding, sir?

I watch cartoons.

I eat cereal without milk because my tears fill the bowl.

Stuff like that.

I want you to know I don't care if we live like this or not.

Why not, Farkle? Aren't you proud of what we've done?

I'm not really sure of what we've done, Dad.

I know if the stock market goes up, you're happy, and if it goes down, you're not.

I know the busier you are, the less I get to see you, and if you're wondering why I've never brought my friends here before, it's because I'm a little embarrassed.

By me?

No. Never by you.

By all this stuff we have.

We have so much. Why do we deserve it?

What do you think?

I think you're the best there is.

Look at us. We're having a really good time.

I like this little ferret.

Hi.

Hey, what are you doin'?

There's people right out your window.

I wish I had that.

Where are they all going?

Right now?

They're going home, Farkle.

Do you know them?

What about her? Do you know her?

Yeah, that's Mrs. Abruzzo.

Why is she wearing two jackets?

I always ask her that.

She said she just doesn't have time to get a warmer coat, but she says she's fine.

I don't think she's fine.

Yeah.

Hi, Mrs. Abruzzo.

You have a great room, Maya, with a much better view than mine.

I'm glad you appreciate it, Farkle.

Hi, guys.

(Giggles)

My room is an idiot.

It has everything in it except for the most important thing.

Lucas: Us?

How can you put a price on that?

You don't.

You can't put a price on what's truly valuable.

Who needs money at all? Lesson Five, right?

Wrong. When you don't have it, you learn when it comes in handy.

I mean, I'd fix the leak in my roof, do something about the cracks in the plaster, definitely patch up the hole that Ginger came in through a year ago.

Wait a minute. What?

Your cat that's a ferret is a rat?

Oh... there you go.

This is the world.

You see this piece of pie?

These are the people in the world who have pie, and this is everyone else in the world who lives On less than $2 a day.

Oh, my gosh.

These are the people in the world who have access to immediate medical care and do not live in abject poverty.

(Cory colors)

This is us.

These are the people who get to wake up in their warm beds and they get to eat waffles in the morning.

This is us. This is them.

Look at me.

Pay attention to this.

Now, I've tried to teach you guys that the secret of life is people change people.

Well, today, we're gonna get more specific.

This is us.

This is them.

What's the secret of life?

Anybody?

What us does for them.

Kindness.

Charity.

That's what changes people.

That's the secret of life.

And thank you.

I'm an "us"?

You're an "us."

You're blessed.

We're all blessed.

I'm sorry I've ever complained.

I'll never complain about my leaky roof again.

Riley?

What us does for them.

The secret of life.

Your assignment today is to think about what good you guys would do if you had money.

Who would you help?

I am... humiliated.

Farkle, I got your message.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Do you have a good reason for walking out in the middle of the day?

Are we gonna lose all our money?

Are we not gonna be Minkus International anymore?

Oh.

I thought you didn't care about this.

I do now.

The technology I bet on was so sophisticated that we couldn't even see it was successful.

I bet on the right thing.

Someday, you will inherit one of the world's most successful companies.

I think we should give away our money.

You are never getting this company.

What good is any of this?

What?

What good do we do?

We support many fine causes.

Not enough.

How do you know?

Because I have my own train, and you have your own helicopter, and we don't see each other.

You called me, and I came home.

I respect how successful you are, but the world is full of people, Dad.

None of them may be as successful as you, but they go home.

They go home every day.

What good is what we have if what we have keeps us apart?

Come here.

What is going on here?

Don't know. Need more info.

(Mouths)

Uh, nope. No help at all.

'Splain yourself.

I'm sorry I made you feel bad.

I'm trying to make it up to you.

With a toy and carrots?

What do you want from me?

I didn't get my whole allowance.

Wait, how did he make you feel bad?

I don't know. Everybody does.

I know a terrible secret.

'Splain yourself.

You make more money than Daddy and I threw it in his face!

I hurt my father, and I don't want anything bad to ever happen to us because of $3!

Auggie... do you think that just because somebody makes more money than someone else that makes them more valuable?

Yes.

Auggie, you didn't hurt my feelings.

Mom deserves the salary she makes.

Auggie, your daddy is a great teacher.

His contribution is at least as much as mine.

Why?

Because without teachers, we wouldn't have lawyers or doctors or anyone, really.

Then why doesn't he make as much money as you?

Well, because sometimes the world makes mistakes.

Aug, Mom didn't become a lawyer for the money.

She did it to help people.

We're both lucky that we have jobs that let us do that.

It's what you do, not what you're paid.

That's your value.

Do you understand?

Mr. Matthews, I had a talk with my father today because of what you taught us.

Yeah, we didn't know how lucky we are.

We've been talking about it all day.

Thanks for my dollar, but...

It's yours and I'm giving it back.

Thanks.

Aug... here's the rest of your allowance.

What are you gonna do with it?

Dad.

I called you this time.

I thought about what you said.

I'm no success at all if I haven't succeeded with you.

You have.

You're right, Farkle. I should do more.

We should probably leave you two alone.

No. Actually, this involves all of you.

This morning, I did something I should have done long ago.

I started the Minkus Family Foundation.

We're gonna give some money away, a lot of money, to those who need it.

And we want you all to be a part of it.

Well, what do we do?

You're gonna help decide who needs it.

You've all been thinking about the less fortunate.

Well, we want the results of your assignment right now.

I knew you'd come up with something.

Well, I didn't come up with it alone.

I called a buddy of mine who's pretty good at spotting the potential in an idea.

He's inside. He's gonna help us pick out the best one.

That's Mark Cuban. He owns the Dallas Mavericks.

Mr. Cuban, I know that you don't take the Knicks very seriously right now, but just you wait.

Yeah, I don't have that kind of time.

You ready?

Okay, guys. Impress me.

Good afternoon, judges.

Thank you for the opportunity to do something wonderful.

I have done some research, and I found out that each year, America spends more money on Halloween than the entire world spends to end malaria.

What do you want to do?

I want to change Halloween to Malaria Day.

I want to get everybody to give all of their candy money to help the world wipe out malaria.

This is your daughter?

I don't know, how'd she do?

Not good.

I don't know her.

What was wrong with it?

People buy candy because they want to give it to little kids that come to their door.

It's not about buying candy.

It's about smiley, happy kids.

I have two amazing, smiley, happy kids right here.

You are not taking Halloween away from them.

But malaria.

But hunger.

But poverty. But sickness.

Yeah, I want to get rid of them all, but you gotta give me an idea that works.

(Sadly) But malaria.

No getting rid of Halloween.

I'm out.

(Angrily) Go, Knicks.

Yeah, we'll see how that works for you.

Tough room.

World peace.

Great idea, Miss America.

Thank you.

I'm out.

Well, what's the matter with world peace?

Nothing. I'm all for it.

You can't do it.

And why not?

Gandhi couldn't do it. Are you Gandhi?

No, I'm Miss America.

Mr. Cuban hurt my feelings.

Lucas, I think maybe Mr. Cuban was just...

What is this? Nice?

No, no...

I'm out!

No, I was just...

I'm out!

Topanga!

I like him.

Minkus!

Cuban!

Minkus!

Thanks for coming out, buddy.

Oh, you know it, buddy.

I'm a sweetheart. Next.

Maya Hart.

What's that?

She's a person I believe in.

She never had very much of anything.

Maybe that's why she looks at everything the right way.

I'd give Maya Hart a lot of money and trust her to do whatever she wants with it, because one day she will be a force to reckon with.

I think you should invest in her right now.

Maya Hart!

I didn't do it, and... and these two were with me the whole time.

These two.

We were thinking about giving you guys a lot of money.

Maya Hart. How you doin', Cuban?

So, you guys are gonna create world peace and cure diseases together?

I'm gonna dream with them. Yeah.

I always have.

They're the ones who taught me how.

Just sometimes, I know better.

What do you know?

I know my roof leaks... and I know there is a hole in my wall.

What are you gonna do about it?

I'm gonna get an education from him, and I'm gonna earn my own money, and someday I'm gonna have a good place with good walls and a good roof.

And what are you gonna do for everybody else?

Everybody's a lot of people.

But if I could afford it, I would fix somebody else's roof.

What about world peace and disease?

I'mma leave that to you guys until I become one of you guys.

I don't invest in just ideas.

I invest in people behind the ideas.

Your roof leaks for a reason.

You have these friends for a reason... and they have you.

Use them.

I'm gonna give you some money, but you can't just keep it.

I've learned that when all you do is keep it, maybe you don't deserve to keep it.

I'll do good with it.

I promise.

Can she keep a little of it to fix her roof?

See? You have these friends for a reason.

Thanks for showing me you don't need money to be rich, Maya.

Yeah, you do.

And this is creepy.

It is definitely cozier, Farkle.

Hey, Lucas...

(Riley strums)

♪ Zombies ♪
♪ I'm sorry for treating you so bad ♪

It's very confident.

What are you guys looking at?

It's a live-stream.

Maya: Hey... Those are my people. How'd you get my people?

When we fixed your roof, we put a camera on it and a little speaker.

Why?

Because I wanted to say hi.

Hi, Mrs. Abruzzo.

Nice coat.