02x28 - Girl Meets Commonism

[bunniefuu]

The John Quincy Adams honor board stands in session.

Case number 42

Isaiah Babineaux stands accused of boosting somebody's lunch.

Prove it.

Uh, Zay.

Yo.

Everybody else in your family seems so decent and kind.

Oh, thank you, Mr. teach. They say nice things about you too.

So what happened to you?

We're waiting on a lot of results.

Punishment must serve a purpose.

What do you guys think will teach Mr. Babineaux here a lesson?

Cafeteria duty.

I don't like it.

Well I like it.

You took everybody's lunch away and now you should give everybody their lunch.

I do give everybody their lunch.

What?

He gives roast beefs to the p-b and js.

He gives meatball subs to the baloneys.

Hah?

Everybody has the right to a delicious lunch.

All right, these are my beliefs.

Would you att*ck me on my beliefs?

That's not your meatball sub.

But I believe it's better than my p-b and j.

So, I Robin hooded myself.

You're Robin Hood?

I'm Robin lunch.

Cafeteria.

You can punish me.

But the forest people love me.

Bailiff Yogi, will you stop eating the evidence and please open the door for the next case?

Thank you.

I got this judgey thing down.

I got the hang of punishing people and I like it.

I think the key to this whole thing is to consider the facts and not get emotionally involved.

Peaches! What have you done?

(Theme music playing)

♪ I've been waiting ♪
♪ for a day ♪
♪ like this to come ♪
♪ struck like lightning ♪
♪ my heart's b*ating like a drum ♪
♪ on the edge ♪
♪ of something wonderful ♪
♪ face to face with changes ♪
♪ what's it all about? ♪
♪ Life is crazy ♪
♪ but I know ♪
♪ I can work it out ♪
♪ 'cause I got you ♪
♪ to live it with me ♪
♪ I feel all right, I'm gonna take on the world ♪
♪ light up the stars, I've got some pages to turn ♪
♪ I'm singing "go-o-o" ♪
♪ oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world ♪

My buds. Tell me you're just here to pick me up because you're my buds.

Yeah. Buds. You want to know what we did or what?

Case number 43.

Maya Hart stands accused of cheating off of Farkle Minkus on the last history exam.

Maya, is this true?

Farkle, how do I answer this?

I'm sorry, Riley. She done did it.

I learn better this way, Mr. Matthews.

When I see the answers Farkle chooses it helps me circle the right thing.

You can't just steal his answers, Maya.

Why not? I'm finally learning what you've been trying to teach me.

You've tried everything and I'm really grateful, but I found a way.

Farkle, how could you rat out Maya for cheating off of you?

I didn't rat her out.

Maya can do whatever she wants with me.

I ratted her out.

Why isn't anybody talking about what matters?

I got my first a.

Okay, judgey. You got a solution for this?

Yes, I do.

I say we give our friends special treatment.

And not just any special treatment, we let them completely off the hook.

There's no lesson and nobody learns nothing.

How about we do one of those this time?

See ya next week. Good night, everybody!

We can't just give our friends special treatment.

I said good night, sir!

Riles, I accept my punishment.

Don't spin out of control.

We're put under all of this pressure to earn the highest grades.

She did it. Maya learned, daddy.

She didn't learn, Riley.

Maya, can you tell them what you learned?

I actually can. That's new.

That's new. It doesn't matter how she learned. It's new.

She cheated!

(Incredulously) That was loud.

"Cheated" is a word. You know what else is a word?

"Shared." Read a question from the test.

"The transcontinental railroad was built from the west and the east in the same time.

In which city did the tracks meet?"

C.

Riley, we're not on the same team this time.

Farkle, are we on the same team?

Always.

Dad?

No, I'm with Lucas, Riley.

You can't compromise your values just because these are your friends.

Watch me.

No. Wrong is wrong.

She didn't learn anything.

If she had learned something, you might have a point.

They drove in the golden spike when the tracks connected at promontory, Utah.

Quick, make a decision before she says other good stuff.

Louisiana purchase. Manifest destiny.

C, c, a, d, false, false, true!

She's a stinking genius.

Cheating works for her.

No.

Dad, it's Maya. You know I'm going to turn this world upside down until I make this right.

I know you'll try.

Well, I stand with them.

Yay!

I don't need this.

(Moaning)

Nothing to do, Auggie?

I've done everything there is to do in life.

(Moans)

Okay...

Well, do you want to take piano lessons?

Does it take work?

Anything worth doing takes work.

Then I'd rather just become a lawyer like you.

You don't just get to become a lawyer.

Do you want to know what I had to do to become a lawyer?

Please, no.

It'll just happen. I'm a chip off the old block.

You're the old block.

Oh, well, thank you.

But just because you come from me doesn't mean you just get to be me.

You have to find out who you are.

And if you run into any trouble, maybe you'll reconsider those piano lessons.

(Moans)

Are you now or have you ever been a member of the communist party?

The cold w*r, sir. Democracy versus communism.

You get what you earn versus everybody gets the same thing.

Very good, Farkle. I didn't even see your lips move.

Because Maya answered herself, sir.

She remembered the information.

It only makes sense to me when I can get in trouble for it.

Wait, so you're telling me that in communism everybody shares with everybody else?

Farkle: Yes, Riley.

The communist philosophy is that everybody's the same and everybody gets the same thing.

And it's a party?

I want so desperately to be proud of you.

So, you mean when somebody doesn't know something on a test and somebody does, you're supposed to share that information?

Yeah.

That's communism.

But it's a little more complicated than that.

You know the American dream?

Yeah.

Well, this is the other thing.

What do you all want to be when you grow up?

I haven't decided yet.

I see you as a factory worker.

Well what if I don't want to be...

I want to be a factory worker.

I see you as a potato farmer.

But I prefer the warmth of the factory.

Can I still take over the world?

You sure can.

Just as long as everybody can take over the world with you.

I'm not taking over the world with factory girl and potato head.

Your individual goals don't matter.

You're one of many.

There are no social classes.

Nobody is more or less successful than anybody else.

That's communism.

Oh, that's communism.

I thought it was when they scared the demons out of you.

That's exorcism.

Oh, yeah. That's the one I had.

He's kidding.

Yeah, I'm kidding.

Ahh!

Oh, it didn't work.

Anyway, whoever I am, I'm not down with communism.

Sure you are.

You're Robin Hood. Take from the rich, give to the poor.

Did you guys hear that?

Did you hear what Maya just said?

I mean, she actually gets this stuff.

Maya.

You really did learn something.

Doesn't this make you want to study by yourself?

No, it makes me want to cheat off of everybody equally.

Yeah.

Why should we be in competition with each other?

Why should we be motivated by report cards?

Why shouldn't we all help each other out to know exactly the same thing?

Riley...

Look at this.

And choose your next words very carefully.

Comrades!

I pledge allegiance...

Comrades of John Quincy Adams unite!

Lightning!

Thunder!

Darkness!

Bunny rabbits!

From each according to his ability.

To each according to his need!

Both: Whoa! We're commies. It worked! Yay!

Anything interesting happen at school today?

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Want to explain Riley's outfit?

Oh yeah, she's a commie now.

Can you pass the potatoes?

Oh, thank goodness.

I thought she was a mime.

Maya cheated off of Farkle and all of a sudden, she know stuff.

So, you're a communist?

Yeah.

Do I need to know the middle of the story?

You want to be proud of her?

Yeah.

Then no.

Honey, Maya doesn't know stuff if she cheated off of Farkle.

Mom, you can't crush my hopes for her.

In the words of the president of communism, "you may say, 'hey, hey I'm a dreamer,' but I'm not the... but I'm not the..."

Shh. Go to sleep, Riley.

Riley, John Lennon was a Beatle.

Mom, just because his beliefs are different than yours, does not mean you get to call him a bug.

Teacher of the year!

Look what I'm working with!

Does the rest of the honor board share your position on this?

No.

And Maya and Farkle are going on trial tomorrow.

And they're going to need somebody really good to represent them because when something's this important you need the best possible...

Piano player?

Lawyer.

Well, that's it then.

Riley, you're not going to find a lawyer to defeat democracy.

I mean, not even if you found some hyper-competitive, freak of nature, super lawyer.

(Cory chuckles)

(Bones cracking)

Okay.

I'm sorry you had to see this.

Let's go.

(Patriotic music plays)

Why are you dressed like that, Auggie?

Why are you dressed like that, Auggie?

I asked him first, Emma weathersbee.

Well, I can ask him the same as you can, Ava Morgenstern.

Hello, Frankie.

The Augster.

Why would you interrupt me during my grape juice time?

I know you might get in trouble for pushing Dominic Falcone off the swings.

You've heard about that?

Everybody's talking about it.

I'd like to represent you.

You want to be my mouthpiece?

I never lost a case.

Mrs. Ducksberry.

Auggie, well, don't you look handsome.

Aw, thanks. So do you.

I mean, I'm pretty but you... you're... you're... you're pretty.

I... I'm handsome, you're pretty.

I'm gorgeous.

But I don't know how to stop.

Somewhere in there was a compliment.

So thank you, August.

My client, Frankie big hands, is innocent.

He may have pushed Dominic Falcone off the swings.

But...

You pushed another boy off the swings?

Frankie... you, me, principal's office right now.

I'll see you later.

Enjoy your life till then.

'Cause that's all you got left.

The purpose of this honor board hearing is to determine the guilt or innocence of Maya Hart and Farkle Minkus, who stand accused of sharing information during an exam.

We'll begin the questioning with Lucas Friar.

Thank you.

Ms. Hart. Mr. Minkus.

Are you now or have you ever been a cheater?

Objection.

You're on our side.

But who's on their side?

What kind of system is it where people are...

Judged by?

Other people.

Like a jury?

Who are students like them.

A jury of their peers?

Yeah, what do you call that?

The justice system.

You and your answers.

Well.

I guess I don't have anymore moves, do I?

By the way, defense calls my mommy.

(Patriotic music playing)

I win.

(All gasp) Topanga!

Honey, you can't just come in here and interrupt our very formal procedure.

I mean, this is the highest court of the John Quincy Adams middle school legal system.

And we take our proceedings very seriously!

(Gavel squeaks)

All right.

Everybody sit where you would normally sit.

What I'm interested in is how Maya could've cheated off of Farkle all by herself in the first place.

Because as you can see by the configuration of the desks, it would be impossible for Maya to see Farkle's paper from that distance unless...

She had some help.

Mr. Matthews.

Yes, darling?

What is it you do while they take their tests?

Who? Me? I sit here, I get sad, I think about the way things could have been.

Cory!

I'm up here!

You know, I... I... I read a book because...

You know, I... I trust them.

Uh-huh.

Interesting.

What happens next?

Well, I look at the first question of the test, then I make this kind of face...

Then I'll look at Riley who's all like...

(Humming a tune)

Then I look at Farkle who's all like...

Done!

But for the first time ever, I might have looked at Farkle like...

And Farkle kind of might have went...

(Mouthing) I love you.

Interesting.

But from this angle, there's still something blocking your view.

Yes. So it's possible Riley might have went...

(Humming a tune)

Well, we knew that Farkle was an accomplice.

I'll do anything for my friends.

I accept my punishment.

But I think that Mrs. Matthews just proved that he was not alone.

Yeah, uh, my work here is done.

Case number 44.

Oh boy.

Riley.

I was kind of an accomplice too.

Riley, how could you?

Farkle put himself in jeopardy for Maya.

How could I not?

I thought maybe if Farkle shared his knowledge with Maya, and she got a good grade, she might want to keep on learning.

And she does, so if that makes us communists, then I guess that's what we really are.

Yeah? Well, you certainly look like you're all in the same little group now.

So what if maybe we dress a little bit alike?

And maybe some of my study methods have rubbed off on her.

You know Farkle's methods?

Dad, what's going on here?

It's just what you wanted, Riley.

Communism.

Farkle sharing his knowledge with Maya.

Karl Marx... the father of communism.

Vladimir Lenin led the revolution.

These guys don't seem anywhere near as much fun as the other guys.

Yeah, well, maybe that's because the other guys...

John Lennon and Groucho Marx... were two incredibly talented, what?

Maya?

(Mimicking Farkle) Individuals, sir. The point you're trying to make is that a free society breeds individuals.

And how do you feel you're developing as an individual?

Maya, why don't you sound like you?

What do you mean? Who would I sound like besides me?

I'm still me, Riley. I've always been me, and I'll never be anybody else but me. Ha!

Ha!

Huh.

Auggie: You think this is going to work?

It's got to work.

Otherwise, Frankie big hands will take you on a little swing ride.

If you know what we mean.

All right, Frankie big hands, you apologize to Dominic.

And your next incident will result in a three-day suspension.

Dominic, it's me, not you.

Now, where is my next appointment?

Well, hello.

Okay, what's this?

We are putting up a wall to protect ourselves from them.

Don't you think that's a little extreme?

It's the judgment of the honor board to separate those who cheat...

all: Share!

Hey! We all said that at the same time!

I'm hungry.

All: What is happening to us?

Whoa.

We don't want to become like them.

We'd rather remain a free society of individuals.

Instead of whatever the heck that was.

But isn't the best part of a free society the fact that it allows its people to consider all beliefs?

Yeah, but I want my friends back, Mr. Matthews.

Can you fix this?

You know, I graded your recent exams.

Mr. Friar.

One hundred percent.

You get an A.

Mr. Babineaux, one hundred percent. You get an A.

Ms. Hart, Ms. Matthews, Farkle, one hundred percent.

You get a C.

What?

We get a what's-that-you-say now?

How did we get a hundred percent and get a C?

Because when you get everything right, but you don't do it yourselves, it makes you average.

A divided by three is a C.

Cory: Look at you, you're all the same.

You're average.

You're common.

Commonism.

This is why it fell?

People didn't want to all be the same?

Without incentive, there's no motivation.

Without motivation, there's no advancement.

In a truly free society, we share the best parts of ourselves without cheating.

Because we get to learn who we are individually.

Come on, guys. Separately, you're the best individuals I know.

I miss you.

Please come back.

Maya?

Yeah.

I think I'd like it better if I was doing well because I was doing well.

But now you're not me.

There's only one of you, Farkle.

There's only one of all of us.

It's better that way, isn't it?

We were founded on the concept of welcoming all people from all different parts of the world.

And encouraging each of them to find out who they are.

Why?

Because the individual is valued here.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

There you are!

Welcome back, guys.

Riley?

I'm proud of you.

Mr. Friar, tear down this wall.

Today was good.

Once again, freedom and liberty have triumphed.

I was just explaining the same thing to Auggie.

Making individual choices isn't easy.

The important ones take work.

But once you realize it, everything turns out all right.

And that's when you discover who you are.

Because he's Auggie.

He isn't me.

Fine, I'll take piano lessons.

Can we deal with this tomorrow?

Yeah, tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow. Yeah.