01x13 - Stuck in the Metal with You

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Rocket: So, where the flarg do we go now?

Apparently nowhere, Rocket. Quill's Boom Box suddenly stopped giving us new coordinates, so...

So what, Gamora? This whole Cosmic Seed trail has been nothing but a wild-goose chase?

I do not recall chasing any wild geese.

But I believe we should go after Thanos so I may exact my revenge.

"So I may exact my revenge," blah, blah, blah.

Tell me something I ain't heard a billion times before, Drax.

What we should do is go after a bounty to make some units. Huh?

I am Groot.

No. We should follow the one clue we have left.

This Spartax symbol on the CryptoCube.

Ah, good idea, Gammy.

Plenty of rich suckers on Spartax for the taking. (LAUGHS)

Then it's settled. Set course for Spar...

What are you doing, Quill?

Spartax is the last place I wanna go right now.

It's personal.

So is my revenge.

Let me at those controls. (GRUNTING)

We're going to Spartax.

No, we aren't.

Drax: Thanos must pay!

Rocket: Not before we get paid!

Aah! You ain't the boss of me, Quill.

Just 'cause you're bigger than me.

I'm the boss of this ship, and I'm setting course for anywhere but Spartax.

I am Groot.

Huh?

Nice. No new coordinates, but at least we got an energy signal to follow...

To not-Spartax.

(SNORING) GAMORA: Wake up, Quill.

Ugh! We're here.

Where? Planet Retsemaw.

The energy signal on your CryptoCube is originating from somewhere down there.

I'm locking in on the coordinates now.

Quill: Cool. Cosmic Seed, here we come.

(MILANO POWERING DOWN)

I am Groot.

Quill: Okay, Boom Box, show us the way.

Rocket: So, your map thingy is now suddenly a compass thingy?

I am Groot.

Gamora: This temple is Asgardian.

Quill, you might want to see this.

Huh?

"In honor of the truce between Asgard and... Spartax"?

Ah. Yet another connection.

We really should be going to Spartax, despite your personal issues.

You're gonna have some personal issues if you say "Spartax" one more... Huh? ROCKET: Oh, Quill.

Your Boom Box seems to like this statue.

Me? I don't know much about art, but that chest plate looks like it'll fetch some units.

Rocket, wait. That's Loki, the Asgardian Prince of Mischief.

You do not wanna get on his bad side.

You Guardians do have a nasty habit of getting on people's bad sides.

(GROWLING) EBONY MAW: But don't worry.

The Black Order will put an end to that habit.

(GRUNTS) Permanently.

Uh...

<font color="#F2F2F2">Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy</font> <font color="00bbb9">S01E12</font>

(SUPERGIANT GRUNTS)

Hey. Wow, you Black Order guys aren't still mad about us turning you over to the Nova Corps, are ya?

Of course not, Quill.

I'm still mad about you taking me out on one date, making me pay, and never calling!

(GRUNTING) How did you find us here?

(GRUNTING) Thanos has spies everywhere.

(GRUNTING) He will not have them here for much longer!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

I am Groot! (GASPS)

Would you all shut your yaps and get behind me so's I can disable their weapons with an EMP blast?

Huh?

(GASPS)

(GRUNTS) Ah!

(YELLING) Aah!

(GRUNTS) (GROANS)

You told me you were a galactic emperor.

You were gonna name a planet after me.

I was, Supergiant, but I couldn't find one big enough.

(GROWLING) Aw, come on.

How could you pass up a setup like that? (GRUNTS)

(PANTING) (ROARS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTING)

I am Groo-oo-oo...

(GRUNTING)

(YELLING)

(BOTH GRUNT)

(YELLS) (GRUNTS)

That's all of them, Corvus. Not quite.

Nowhere to run, puny one.

Krutack.

Whoa. Whoa!

Black Order, att*ck!

(BLACK ORDER GRUNTING)

(ALARM BEEPING) Well, that's something.

What else can you do?

(ROCKET WHOOPING)

Who's puny now?

(LASERS f*ring) (BLACK ORDER GRUNTING)

That's right.

Large and in charge!

(LAUGHING)

Rocket! They've had enough.

Eh? Eh. Don't know what came over me.

I do. That suit you're wearing is the Asgardian Destroyer Armor.

Something way too powerful for us to be messing with.

We need to return it to the Asgardians.

Aww. But it's so comfortable.

Dude, take it off. (GRUNTING)

You're not the boss of me, Quill.

I am Groot.

(SIGHS) Fine.

What do you wanna do about this evil mime troupe?

Uh, we'll leave a little present for Nova Corps.

Groot, will you tie them up with a pretty bow?

Gamora: When we get to Knowhere, we'll take the Destroyer Armor to the Broker.

He'll know how to get it back to the Asgardians.

I am the Destroyer.

There can be only one! (HAMMERING)

You guys messing with the armor?

Quill and Rocket: No!

The Boom Box must've absorbed the residual Cosmic Seed energy from the armor.

Ah, but it still isn't giving us any new coordinates.

So, we go to Spartax?

Unless...

Unless maybe we can learn something from the armor itself.

Ah, now you're talking my language.

I wouldn't mind figuring out what makes this thing tick.

Uh, Rocket, why are you looking at me like an engine you're about to pull apart?

Hey! Hold still.

This won't hurt... Much.

Let me establish a remote link.

(LAUGHS) I'm a genius.

Eh, it ain't like any kind of tech I've ever seen.

But if it interfaces with brainwaves...

I gotta put the suit on again.

I am Groot.

Come on. I'll be fine this time.

I'm in fixin' mode, not fightin' mode.

Just gonna open up a connection to your helmet here, and...

Quill: Whoa. Oh.

I think I'm seeing what the armor's seen.

Hey, who's that guy with the CryptoCube?

Wait. Is that the Cosmic Seed?

(ENERGY SURGING) Ah!

You should not be wearing that so-called Destroyer Armor.

You ain't the boss of me, neither.

I have nothing to prove by fighting an empty metal shell.

I am the true Destroyer.

Oh, yeah? Destroy this! (CLANG)

I am Groot. Guys, let's calm...

What's going on down there?

Quill and Rocket: Nothing!

Rocket, fixing mode, now!

(ROCKET AND DRAX YELLING)

Huh? Eh...

Sorry. My bad.

(SIGHS)

Gamora: Approaching Knowhere.

And not a moment too soon.

But we can't give it to the Broker yet.

We need to examine it more.

(READING) I am Groot.

Ha! Not even close.

It says he'll be back in an hour.

So no point in all of us cooling our heels here.

We'll meet you back at Starlin's Tavern after we give this to the Brok...

Gamora: Nice try, but we're not letting you two out of our sight with this.

(GROANING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Man, all this adventurin' sure works up an appetite.

(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES) (BELCHES)

(BELL RINGS)

(GRUNTS)

Classy as always, Rock-ette. (LAUGHS)

(GROWLS) Friend of yours?

If by "friend," you mean guy I've been needing to kick the livin' krutack outta for a long time, then yes.

Come on. Just one minute in that armor...

Gamora, Quill, Drax: No! Mmm!

(GRUNTS AND GROWLS)

Hey, Rocky Rat, can you scamper over and pick up my scraps like the good old days? (LAUGHING)

(PATRONS LAUGHING) I got this.

(CHUCKLES) Okay.

What say we all just chill out and enjoy our... (GRUNTS)

(YELLS) (GROWLS)

(GRUNTS) Not the face!

(GROANS) I'm sorry.

Did you say something about scraps, Dag?

Eat up. (GRUNTS)

Rocket: What are you looking at?

Lunchtime is over!

(CLAMORING)

(GRUNTS) Rocket, no! Huh?

Aah!

(GRUNTS)

(ROBOT BEEPING)

You ready to settle what we started before?

I am the true Destroyer, but I will not fight you.

Suit yourself. (GRUNTS)

(YELLS AND GROANS)

Rocket! Easy, man.

Come on. Just take a deep breath and chill, okay?

How many times do I gotta say it?

You ain't the boss of me!

Aah! Get out of my brain, you mind-reading mutt!

Cosmo: Cosmo come to stop disturbance.

Did not think disturbance would be Cosmo's friends.

Aah! Aw, come on!

I just wanna find out what happens when the visor opens!

Cosmo is not thinking that is good idea.

I'd tell you what I'm thinking, but you already know.

(GRUNTS)

Cosmo did not want to have to do this, but...

Ahh!

(GROANING)

Thanks, Cosmo. Way to heel that armor.

Now you need to heel Rocket.

Nyet. Rodent not use armor.

Armor use rodent!

Quill: Whoa! I am Groot!

Argh! (GROANS)

Hey! Give that back.

I always wanted to get my hands on this artifact.

Although you're not the one I was expecting to find in possession of it.

Yeah? Well, you're dealing with Star-Lord now.

Who?

Never mind him. Who the krutack are you?

The dude from the statue.

Yes. Though I prefer, "Loki, Prince of Mischief, and rightful heir to the throne of Asgard" to "dude."

What do you want with us, dude?

You have quite a large mouth for such a puny creature.

But the truth is, the two of you mean nothing to me.

I planted the Destroyer Armor for the CryptoCube's owner to find so that I could keep track of the Cosmic Seed.

Now, I need to be sure such a powerful item doesn't fall into the hands of mere mortals.

So, what do you know of the Cosmic Seed?

I was gonna ask you the same question.

And while we're asking questions, who was the bearded dude I saw when my brain was connected to your metal suit?

The question you should be asking is, why are you, a lowly thief, able to operate this device of Spartaxian royalty?

Wait. What? Royalty?

You may yet prove useful to me.

The rodent, however...

(GROWLING)

There they are.

(DRAX GROANS)

(GRUNTS) ROCKET: All right!

Look who's back in control of the Destroyer!

Ha! Yee-haw! Whoo-hoo!

Didn't know you could do that.

Loki: I did. Uh-oh.

Guys, I'm not doing this.

Run! (BOTH GRUNT)

(YELLS)

Gamora and Quill: Whoa!

(ALL GROANING)

No.

(THUD) Whoa! Whoa!

(GRUNTING)

(PANTING)

Rocket: Don't hold back this time, buddy.

You are the true Destroyer.

There can be only one. (GRUNTS)

(YELLING)

(GASPING AND MUTTERING)

(GRUNTING)

(THUDDING) (GASPING AND EXCLAIMING)

(GRUNTING)

(YELLS)

(YELLING)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTING)

Ahh! (GROANS)

Well, I guess we know who the one true Destroyer is now.

So, where were we? Ah, yes.

Destroy the rodent.

(GRUNTING)

Okay. Suddenly I'm not so curious to find out what happens when the visor opens.

No, no, no, no! Wait!

I'm sorry I called you "dude," okay?

(GRUNTS)

(LAUGHS)

Being puny does have its advantages.

Destroy him, you mindless mound of metal!

(GASPS) Heads up!

Huh? (GRUNTS)

We'll just take this and go now.

Gamora, Drax, let's go!

(GROANS)

(ENGINE WHIRRING)

(GRUNTS)

Destroy them!

Quill: Come on. We can lose him inside the giant head.

Oh, yeah. Nothing can go wrong with this plan.

Quill: Excuse me! Coming through!

(YELLING)

Rocket: Not the tavern! Not the tavern!

(BEEPING) (GROANING)

We can't outrun that thing forever.

Outrunning is for cowards. I want a rematch!

(GRUNTING)

No, Drax. I, uh...

I... I have a plan.

Your face does not display the confidence of a man with a plan.

Now, that is the expression of a man with a plan.

Right. Okay. So we'll all act as a distraction, get the armor to open its visor, and then Rocket can slip back inside.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just 'cause he has a plan don't mean it's a good one!

Come on, Rocket. You can do it.

Yeah? That don't mean I should.

You should because you can. 'Cause you're...

Hey! Don't call me puny.

I wasn't gonna say that.

Then what were you gonna say?

Stand aside. I want my rematch.

(YELLING)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(BOTH YELLING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

I am Groot! (GRUNTS)

(LOKI LAUGHING)

Oh, I do so enjoy watching lesser beings get pummeled.

If we take Loki out, we can regain control of the Destroyer.

There can be only one Destroyer!

I want to look into the eyes of the being who dares challenge my title.

Now stop hiding behind that mask and show me your face!

Very well. You wish to see what's behind the mask.

Then gaze upon your destruction.

(DESTROYER POWERING UP)

Ugh. The stupidity in this universe never ceases to astound me.

Drax: Now, Rocket.

Huh? Oh.

(GRUNTS)

Rocket! That's what I was gonna say before.

You're the only one who can link the armor to my helmet!

(GRUNTS) One wireless link coming up.

(MECHANICAL HUMMING)

No one controls the armor but me!

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

I am Groot!

(GRUNTS) Now I really am the boss of you.

Rocket: That's okay, 'cause now I'm in fixin' and fightin' mode.

(WHIMPERS)

(GRUNTING)

Can't keep this up much longer.

We need to end this... Now!

Oh, yeah.

(GRUNTING)

(YELLING)

Yah!

(EXCLAIMING)

Ah!

(GROANING)

(SIGHS) Nice job, Rock...

You think you're so big 'cause you're an Asgardian whosza-whatzit?

How's it feel to have your staff handed to you by a puny mortal?

(LOKI CRYING OUT) Rocket, stop!

(GROWLS)

Aah!

Rocket, this isn't you! It's the armor.

Fight its power. Come on. You're bigger than that. (BLOWS LANDING)

Way bigger! (LOKI MOANING)

(GASPS AND SIGHS)

Send that thing, and Loki, back to Asgard.

(SIGHS) You're not the boss of me.

Ha! Yes!

We have proved that we are the true Destroyer.

The armor was defeated by my brilliant mind, your puny size, and Quill's hat.

Quill: Now, how do we get that back?

(GROANING)

Did... Did I do that?

No, no, Father. Don't get up.

I just wanted to let you know that while you rest here in your sleep chamber and my righteous brother, Thor, enjoys your throne, I return a hero, having recovered one of our most powerful weapons.

These treacherous mortals set a trap to lure me in so they could take control of the Destroyer Armor.

Clearly, this was an act of w*r against Asgard by agents of Spartax.

Asgard must retaliate.

Were you awake and ruling Asgard, you would be difficult to deceive with this evidence, Father.

But Thor will be much more suggestible.

And once my brother goes to w*r, Asgard will be mine for the taking.

Drax: I detect no sign of the Asgardian or his mock destroyer.

The question is, where did he go?

No, the question is, where do we go?

Well, we all know where we should go, but Mr. "It's Personal" won't...

Let's go to Spartax.

I am Groot.

Huh. It's nice for us to all be on the same page for once.

Rocket: Oh, we're gonna take those Spartaxian suckers for every unit they're worth!

Gamora: Finally find the Cosmic Seed.

Drax: Seek my revenge on Thanos.

Groot: I am Groot!