07x10 - Through the Eyes of a Falcon

[bunniefuu]

The skin graft will have healed entirely by now.

Mr. and Mrs. Hein, I am sorry to say your son seems to have "Orlando Bloom Syndrome."

One minute he's here, and then it's like, "Aah! where'd he go?"

(laughs)

I'm very sorry for your loss.

(monitor beeping)

Come on.

Come on.

(flatline)

Nooooooooooo!

Aah! Aaah!

Blake!

Blake, wake up.

You were having a nightmare.

Oh, thank God.

(both laugh)

Chet! Chet!

Huh?

You were laughing in your sleep.

Oh.

While you were driving!

(both screaming, horn blares)

Cat, Cat!

What?

You were screaming in your sleep.

While we were having sex.

Not cool.

Well, let me make it up to you...

Oh.

Blake!

Ah.

You were moaning in your sleep.

While you were supposed to be performing surgery!

Oh.

(flatline)

Nooooooooooo!

Wait a minute. You know what? This is a dream.

Yeah. Something's gonna wake me up in a few seconds.

Watch this.

(flatline continues)

Couple seconds.

Nah, it's real. This kid's dead.

Time of death -- 11:20 a.m.

7x10 - "Through the Eyes of a Falcon"

Why does this keep happening to me?

Well, I'm no doctor, but maybe you should cut back on the carbs.

P.S., I am a doctor.

(laughter)

Man: And cut! All right.

(bell rings)

Yes, good, good, good.

That's a wrap, everybody. That's it for the day.

And I got you out in time.

Only one more hour till your big photo show, my friend.

Thank you, Mr. Wain.

Why are you having your photo show here at the sound stages?

It was free and easy, like art.

Except my art is difficult and very expensive.

Hey, listen, David, will you text me the address to the photo show?

Oh, no, no, no, no. It's just happening right here on set.

Okay, then text me that.

Just come right here where we're standing right now in an hour.

Just include all that in the text.

So what's the dress code?

Shoes, socks, the works.

Hmm. I've got that.

Can I bring my mom?

Yes.

♪

Some of the people I work with!

Thank you and you're welcome for coming very much.

I hope you like haunting images.

Well, even if your photos are terrible, to have the nerve to monopolize our personal time like this is a real triumph.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Splorn.

Excuse me.

I'd like to formally welcome all of you to the private, exclusive showing of "Through the Eyes of a Falcon."

I'm Paula Reilly.

I'm from the Matthew Kreetee gallery, but I want to say more importantly that I am a huge, long-term, die-hard fan of Child's Hospitable.

I mean, I would watch anything with Mark Splorn.

Mark, I want to make out with your ding-dong.

Oh. - Okay.

Who doesn't?

And who is this lovely lady?

Oh, I'm Dixie's mother. It is such an honor to meet you.

I have so many photos.

I've always --

Mark: Uh, Geraldine?

You know, let's just head inside.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get in the way.

Will you stop embarrassing my mom?!

I wasn't, I just -- Ugh. never mind.

Now who is ready to see some art?!

Yes.

Follow me.

Let's go.

No, it's not okay.

(indistinct conversations)

What is that?

I don't understand.

Falcon: Sometimes the magical secret world lies right beneath your noses.

Like mustaches.

Woman: These are just pictures he took on set.

Uh, pardon me.

She -- She's fine.

Look, I know it's hard when everyone's drinking.

Just remember. If you get to 12 months' sobriety, you know what the deal is.

I'm taking you out to a pasta dinner.

Side dishes, the whole nine yards.

(chuckles)

Lynn? Where'd you go?

Where'd you go? Lynn? Honey?

I don't remember posing for this sh*t.

Me either.

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Sorry.

Oh, boy.

Oh, my God, I am sick of your rudeness to my mom.

All I said was, "Oh, boy."

Yeah, but if you're not gonna be nice, then you might as well find somewhere else to stay for the entire month that she's here.

Fine! If this is the way you're gonna act, I'll just stay in a hotel.

Great. I have an upgrade code at the La Quinta Inn.

I suggest you use it.

Can I get the code?

Yeah. You call the reservation line and it's "Q27T29."

Do I use your name?

It's under my legal name -- Cynthia Quelson.

Can I borrow your phone?!

Yes! but it's low on battery so plug it in when you're done!

I have a Lightning cable!

Google, find La Quinta Inn near me.

(slurred) David, stop bumping into me!

What are you talking about? I was just standing right here.

Don't tell me how to walk. (scoffs)

I'm having a good time. That's all, okay?

Lynn, have -- have you been drinking?

Have you been drinking?

No, I'm stayed sober since rehab ended ever since.

Uh. What the...?

Good God, you have been drinking.

Okay, fine.

Okay? I've been drinking.

I love alcohol. But what happened to you, David?

How come you're such a poop pooper?

When did that happen? When?

Everybody, please join me for Phase Two.

And for the record, you all are the first to be laying eyes on these photo...griefs.

Follow me. Don't -- Stop touching me.

I call this collection "More Photos."

You know, I took all these photos this morning.

Paula: Please join me in the courtyard for further penetration into the human soul.

Hey, wait. What the...?

That's -- that's not booze. That's apple cider.

(slurred) No, no.

No, it's not. I'm super-drunk.

Why did you lie about going off the wagon?

No, pssssh!

Mnh-mnh. No.

(sighs)

David, nobody wants a sober actress.

Everybody wants the sloppy train wreck.

So you pretended to start drinking again?

Yeah, I didn't want to seem like a square.

You may be a square, but you frame me perfectly.

Oh, David.

But I can never forgive you for lying, so it's over.

Wh--

That's it.

Wh--

That's it.

That's it.

Falcon: Phase Three.

The final phase.

And then there's one more after that.

Uh, Holy Christmas.

Wait. Come look at this.

You have a face on your back.

What you just said sounds absurd.

No, wait, wait, wait.

I think I've only ever seen you face forward.

I don't think I've ever seen your back.

Mark, Mark, this is Photoshop, obviously.

No, no, no, no, he always is making me stage the scenes so we don't see his back.

Okay, okay, okay!

All right?

I have a creature growing out of my back.

(gasps) Is it alive?

Sort of. Sort of.

Yeah, I mean it moves its mouth a little bit.

So it can talk?

(chuckles) Can it talk? Did you hear that?

No! It can't talk. That's ridiculous.

It can sigh a little bit.

It sighs.

Does he have a name?

Terry Malone.

Show it to us.

Show us the back-face, you freak.

(all shouting)

Oh, I'm -- I'm a freak?!

Because my half-alive twin is growing on my back!

Well, I guess if that's true, then we're all freaks.

No, it's just you 'cause you're the only one with a head growing out of your back.

Okay, if you guys are so obsessed with seeing my back, I'll show it to you...

Yes!

...as I walk out that door.

(murmuring)

David: Yeah. Turn around. Let's see.

O.M.G.

There it is.

Falcon: Thanks for coming, Mr. Spindell!

And thank you for coming, Mr. Malone.

(crying) Oh, God.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Geraldine, it's okay.

It's over.

(sobbing)

I am sorry.

I'm sorry.

I was wrong about you.

You do care about my mom.

Hey, Dixie. Take a look at these.

Oh, sh*t.

Look at --

Wha?

Look at that. But start -- start over there.

It really tells a story. Whoa.

Oh, my. You...

He's -- You --

Oh!

Ohh!

You -- You bastard!

No, no, no.

Baby.

And you! Slut!

Aah!

(all gasp)

♪ We danced in the moonlight ♪
♪ Held hands in the park ♪
♪ We strolled by the river ♪
♪ And kissed in the dark ♪
♪ I never had the glow I feel tonight ♪

(Dixie screeching)

♪ It's a miracle moment of love ♪

That's it for me.

Falcon, thank you for a terrible, terrible night.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Splorn. That's very sweet of you, again.

I'm going, too.

Paula: Photos are for sale in the lobby, everyone.

What? Why would we want to own those photos?

Well, it's not just the photos.

It's also the negatives and the existing prints.

So that they'll never, ever be seen by anyone ever again.

Uh-huh-huh.

Lobby.

I mean, I like art, so...

Just to be clear, we're being blackmailed, right?

♪