01x01 - Episode 1

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Tunnel". Aired: June 2016 to June 2018.*
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"The Tunnel" follows two detectives working together to find a serial k*ller who left the upper-half body of a French politician and the lower-half of a British prost*tute in the Channel Tunnel, at the midpoint between France and the UK.
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01x01 - Episode 1

Post by bunniefuu »

(Sensor bleeps)

(Phone rings)


Is she on the French or the UK side?

No, she doesn't seem to be Eurotunnel staff.

The French are sending a crime unit.

The British police will also attend.

(Camera clicks)

Oh! Ow!

Is there something wrong, sir?

You know what's wrong.

It was practically in the staff bulletin.

Did it hurt?

No, not at the time.

Bonjour.

Bonjour.

Bonjour.


Er...

Our forensic teams are already working.

Sure.

She's been placed. The posture.

Yes.

And the legs are...

Her head is in France and she's French, so it remains a French investigation.

Steady on, Joan, I'm not looking for a w*r over it.

(He laughs nervously)

My name is not Joan.

Er, you said the victim's French?

An MP was reported missing yesterday. We think it is her.

And how do you think the body was brought here?

We're assuming it must be a French maintenance car.

One of them is unaccounted for and the driver is missing.

All right, well, we'll just wait for confirmation that we're not needed...

I can confirm that.

...from a senior British officer, and then we'll be on our way.

We'll observe from a distance.

Maybe we can learn something, eh?

All right.

What did they say?

French have it.

We can go and snuggle under our duvets.

No bloody manners, the French.

They're direct. I quite like that.

I should go and give them my details.

♪ Venez dans mes bras ♪
♪ Closer to me, dear ♪
♪ Donnez-vous à moi ♪
♪ Set aside all fear ♪
♪ Restons enlaces pour l'éternité ♪
♪ Yes, you shall be mine ♪
♪ Till the end of time ♪

(Phone rings)

Hello?


This is Stephen Beaumont.

This is Veronica Moreno. I've been waiting...

I had business in France.

I just... When can I see you?

I'll meet you in an hour.

(Phone rings)

(Dialing tone)

(Toilet flushes)

(He knocks on door)

(Music blares in headphones)

(He shouts)
Hey, Adam.

(She groans)

Did you catch them?

Who?

The bad guys.

Not yet.

Does it still hurt?

Yeah.

Mmm.

Did you speak to Adam about helping out more?

He's asleep.

(She rings bell)

Are you from the charity?

My friend said you would help us.

They've denied your asylum claim?

My whole family, they were m*rder*d by...

I'm not the appeal panel.

I'm just establishing the present situation.

I cannot go back to Colombia.

Our charity has a hostel where you can stay for a short time.

Then we'll consider the options.

Come with me.

Suck you off for a tenner, Stephen!

Tania...

Soup, not smack.

(She blows him a kiss)

(Phone vibrates)


Yeah?

Am I speaking to Karl Roebuck?

Yeah.

Elise Wassermann, French police, we met yesterday.

Yesterday?

(She murmurs sleepily)
No, I don't like marmalade.

(He laughs)

What is it?

(He laughs again)

My wife is talking in her sleep. She just said, "I don't like marmalade."


Does she like marmalade?

Well, I thought she did.

That's strange, then.

I wanted to update you.


I thought this was your case now.

The lower half of the body belonged to another woman.

We believe she was British.

Why?

A tattoo. With a Union Jack and the flag of Wales.

And the words, "I love you, Mum."

So you need to check out missing Welsh girls with that tattoo.

Right, I'll call you as soon as I'm on duty.

Then I need the name of somebody who can do it now.

(He sighs)

Have you ever considered a career in the diplomatic service?

No.

Please call me as soon as you have any information.

(Computer mouse clicks)

Plenty of 'em.

Hold on.

So, Gemma Kirwan.

Mixed race.

Grangetown, Cardiff.

Reported missing by her mother seven months ago.

(Phone ringing)

(They giggle)

(They stifle laughter)

(They giggle)

Please ensure that your handbrake is on and your vehicle is in first gear or park.

For your safety and comfort, we recommend that you stay with your vehicle.

Do not stand or walk between the vehicles during the crossing.

(He laughs)

(Shower runs)

(She sings softly)

(Shower stops)


I left some food vouchers and a few other bits to help you get by, until I find a more permanent solution for you.

You should read this, if you want to know about the mentality of this country.

(Camera clicks)

For my records. I like to remember the people I help.

That's the deviation. We're not going there.

That's the deviation.

That's going to the car ferry. We're not going there.

This is going to... the car ferry.

Oh, bollocks!

Where are we?

(Car horn honks)

Pardon.
Sorry.

(Horn honks again)

All right. Oui, oui, oui. Pardon.

Uh...Capitaine Wassermann?

Er...

This is...third floor.

She is on first floor.

First floor. Okay. Oui.

You have to go down.

Down. Merci beaucoup.

Vous voulez un croissant?

Non, merci.


No?

Are you on a diet?

No. (She laughs)

No? Good.

Bonjour.

Comment allez-vous?


So, tell me about this missing girl.

Gemma Kirwan, aged 23, disappeared from Folkestone seven months ago.

I thought she was Welsh.

That's the trouble with people. They won't stay in one place.

Given her profession, it's highly likely we've got her DNA on our database.

And given her profession, it's also likely not much effort was made to find her.

Well, they're a transient bunch.

I imagine there's a few French prostitutes who haven't been searched for too carefully either.

Yes, that is probably correct.

Yes...

Ooh!

I'm recovering from an operation.

The snip.

The what?

La vasectomie.

More painful than childbirth, apparently.

You got kids?

There are enough kids in this world.

I've got five.

Three different mums, though.

A vasectomy was probably a good idea, then.

Ha!

Don't touch that!

It's not you, is it?

How do you know?

She's smiling, for one thing.

No-one keeps a picture of themselves on their desk.

You're a twin.

Nice car.

Yes, I like it.

Good.

I suppose we assume he's dumped the rest of the body elsewhere.

He's taunting us.

Oh, moi aussi.

(Knock on door)

Who is Alain Joubert?

One of our leading financiers... and an adviser on austerity measures to the last government.

He is not popular.

Really? How come?

The crisis made him even richer.

I was joking.

Yes, I got that.

You're not really one for jokes, are you?

Sometimes. It depends if they're funny.

(He chuckles)

The British place a lot of value on humour.

Sometimes it makes you lose sight of things that are more important.

That is just my opinion, I'm not trying to offend you.

No, sure.

I'll bring you up to speed with my assessment of French national defects later.

I'd be interested to hear your views.

(Phone rings)

Sorry, my French is very poor.

I'm working on it, though.

Did you think there was something going on between Marie Villeneuve and your husband?

No. No, she was attacking him in her speeches.

Can't we... this wait until another time?

I insist. Please go inside.

Are you aware that Marie Villeneuve is missing?

No.

Please, I can't do this now. Please, let me go.

Sit down, please.

Listen. I have to go and see my husband. He's very stressed.

He might be suicidal. Please.

Please.

I promise I will come and talk to you.

This is nothing.

I knew Marie from school.

She started using my husband as a political football, so I called her to ask her to stop.

I texted, because she wouldn't answer. Please.

(Phone rings)

I promise I will come and report to the police station with a lawyer.

(Phone keeps ringing)

Thank you. Thank you very much.

I promise I will call my lawyer from the car.

Please do, or I'll be in trouble.

I may be already.

You let her go.

Er, yeah.

I don't understand why you would do that.

No, I think that's part of the problem.

I am the lead investigator.

Now, listen.

That woman was acutely distressed, frightened for her husband...

This is a m*rder investigation.

But she didn't know that. And her explanation was entirely plausible.

You might find my manner a little annoying, too many random jokes, conversations, whatever...

I didn't say I found it annoying.

But I have been a policeman for quite a long time, and I like to think a good one, and I know when it's an inappropriate time to question someone and when it's time to show a little flexibility.

(Tour guide in distance)

(Children squeal)


Wait for me!

(She chuckles)

How's it all going with your French counterpart?

Yeah...

Lots of Gallic style? Understated, yet sexy?

Elise?

Cauliflower ears. Very fat.

Looks a bit like Obelix.

I'll take that as a yes! Paws off, buster!

Seriously, she fell in the magic potion, but instead of giving her strength, it took away all her social skills.

(She laughs)

(Children giggle)


I was a bad dad to Adam.

You weren't a bad dad, you just weren't there.

Daddy!

Daddy!

Whoa-ho-ho!

Hi, thought I'd hitch a ride and give you directions.

I have a sat nav.

Ah, très moderne!

I prefer maps.

Remember, we drive on the left.

We've found the maintenance driver.

Washed up on a beach.

Okay.

You still sulking?

No.

I'm still angry.

Want an arm wrestle?

No.

I've been told I have to work with you.

Okay.

Let's go to work, then.

You on Twitter or something?

So?

What are you writing?

"OMG, guess who I just f*cked? LOL."

Yeah. I also said you had a massive ego and a tiny cock.

Well, the first's true. The second's a bit harsh.

Smaller than average, maybe, but, who cares, if I can still get stupid, pretty girls to let me come in their mouths?

Did you really? I never noticed.

I was only after you for your dr*gs, anyway.

All right, well, you can lick the wrap on the way out if you like.

No, you can't change the f*cking deadline.

Then tell the pygmies not to change my copy.

It's a finely-honed polemic, not a suggestion sheet.


Blame the times, old son.

Post-Leveson, self-regulation, taste and decency, blah-blah-blah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, anyway, it's going to be with you by five, all right?

Lovely. Can I ask what's in the latest finely-honed polemic?

Uh, Stephen Fry, the Greek su1c1de rate and erm...gay marriage.

Spiffing. I'll have the pygmies put on stand-by.

(Phone rings)


Yep?

(Distorted speech) Danny Hillier?

Who's this?

If you want a real story, you should ask the police what is happening in the Eurotunnel.

Why don't you tell me what's happening in the Eurotunnel?

You're supposed to be a journalist, Danny.

But I'll give you a clue.

They've found half an MP and half a prost*tute.

(He laughs)
Yeah, very funny, Jonno.

Listen, as I said, it'll be with you by five, all right?

One of these girls is Gemma Kirwan?

Yeah.

That one, on the right.

Chuks is running traces on the registration plates.

Boss, we've got a match.

The owner of a mobile phone which was used in Calais, near the tunnel entrance on the day the bodies were left there.

Too careless, huh?

Who is it?

Danny Hillier. Tabloid journalist. Lives in Sandgate.

Danny Hillier.

He writes an opinion column in one of our newspapers.

Bigotry for hire.

Some of what he says is actually on the money. Quite funny, too.

It's an especially British humour I think you'll enjoy.

(He snorts)

(Doors lock)

(Bleeping)

(Device bleeps)


What?

Your car smells like wet dog.

Ha! I haven't got a dog.

Sorry. Here, don't mess with the filing system.

Is your house like this?

(He laughs)

My wife's an interior designer.

Seriously, she's very successful.

This car is my only refuge from the tyranny of style.

You spell your name the German way.

Yeah. After Karl Marx.

My dad was a die-hard Communist. He was a miner in the coalfields, when there used to be coalfields round here.

Did you join the police just to annoy him?

(Phone rings)

Not consciously.

Chuks. What's up?

What?

Right, we're nearly there.

(Engine revs)

(Sirens blare)


DCI Karl Roebuck. Elise Wassermann from the French police.

We know the guy in the car. What's the situation?

We've got him on the line. There's not much time left.

The car is sealed with laser triggers.

I need to speak to him.

Danny, this is Elise Wassermann, French Police.

Do you use prostitutes, Danny?

What? Is this some kind of sick f*cking joke?

Seven months ago, your car was picked up on CCTV in the red light district of Folkestone.

You think now is a good time to bring it up?

It might help us.

I don't need to use prostitutes, and I've never kerb-crawled in Folkestone.

I might have a parking ticket if you want to look into that though.

Did you lend your car to anybody?

No! Look, just get me the f*ck out of here!

Have you been in Calais recently?

No.

Can you think why your mobile was used in Calais?

My mobile, it was lost, or stolen in a bar.

Look, why aren't they doing anything to get me out?

They are not doing anything!

He's panicking, he might detonate the b*mb.

Get me the f*ck out of here! Do something with the windows!

Danny, this is Karl Roebuck, CID. I'm right here.

All right, talk to me, Danny, let the experts concentrate on getting you out of there.

Yeah, there's only one thing wrong with that picture.

These f*cking experts are doing f*ck all to get me out!

Ask him where he lost his mobile.

They're completely useless!

You got family, Danny?

No, my parents are dead. I've got a brother.

We don't really get on.

That's a shame.

Ask him if anybody else has used his car recently.

I've got a brother and sister, I don't see too much of them either.

We're out of time.

Give me the phone!

Where are they going? Where are they going? No, no, no!

Wait, you can't just leave me! Please! Come back!

Come back!

Danny? If the b*mb goes off, you won't feel any pain or know anything about it.

How do you know?

Because your brain won't have time to register the messages sent from your body.

It will just end.

Don't you believe in God?

No. Do you?

I don't know. Sometimes I do.

How could it all be pointless?

The point is to catch the person who did this to you.

Where did you lose your mobile?


I told you. In a bar.

Which bar? Which bar?

(Device bleeps)


Everybody, down!

I've soiled myself.

Oh, God! Someone, help me!

(Device bleeps)

(Locks click)

(He gasps)

(Device bleeps)

So, I assume I now have your full attention. You will be asking, of course, why? Who would do such a thing? What is the message? We shall all be getting closer to the truth.
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