What are you looking for that I can't give you?
woman: The universe shits on some people and gives other people art shows.
(grunting)
I'll change.
I would do anything for one more day with you.
(heart monitor flat lining)
Are you staring longingly at the lake?
What lake?
The lake!
The lake that borders our city to the south.
It's quite big; I'm surprised you haven't noticed it.
Oh, that lake.
In fact, it's a great lake.
That's what they call it, a Great Lake.
And they are primarily referring to its size.
It's a quantitative modifier as opposed to a qualitative one.
Don't get me wrong; it's a nice lake.
You can't see it from here.
Oh, but you can.
You can?
Yes, darling, you can.
Come. It was in the brochures, remember?
"Lake view"? And they never lie in brochures. That would be fraud.
There it is.
You have to lean a bit.
Where?
Right there. In all its glory, between those condo buildings.
Where?!
Right there!
I don't see anything.
Follow my finger. Go up from the McDonald's...
Where?
Up, up past that 70s atrocity with the ugly balconies...
Go three condos over...
And... ta da!
Ta da what?
See that sliver of blue? That, my dearest wife, is one of the largest freshwater lakes in the world and it is ours to enjoy. We could fish in it, if we had a 4000-foot pole.
That's not the lake.
Yes, it is.
No, that's the sky.
It's the windows of the condo reflecting the sky.
No.
Yes.
No, seriously, is it?
Yes.
f*ck. It is. Those f*ckers.
Those f*ckers! It's fraud.
Oh, sweetheart. You're genuinely disappointed.
(dog barking) Well, we should sue.
You can't do that. You can't just say there's a lake view when you can't see the lake.
You might as well say, oh, there's a view of the Taj Mahal.
Wait... wait, wait.
Maybe it's a reflection of the lake and not the sky.
(warped barking) It is.
It's a breathtaking view.
(high pitched squeaking)
(munching)
(dog nails tapping)
♪ Who's there? ♪
S02E01 - Wilderness
♪ Who's there? ♪
♪ I put a spell on you ♪
♪ Who's there? ♪
♪ Who's there? ♪
♪ Because ♪
♪ You're mine ♪
♪ Who's there? ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
(music fades)
You need something?
Uh, no, thanks.
I'm, uh, I'm waiting for a cab.
'Cause you look like you need something.
What I need, you can't smoke.
(sigh)
I'm, uh...
I'm just going uptown to stay with my sister.
Just, uh, gotta get away from here.
I...
I know that it's been six months and I should be further along, but, uh...
It's the grief.
Doesn't stop.
Grief is an emotion in your mind created in response to trauma.
It may seem overwhelming at times, but your mind would never create something you can't handle.
Your mind is not an assh*le.
Yeah, well, I'm not so sure about that.
And everywhere I look, there's a memory. (small whine)
Should I move?
Ugh, maybe I should. I just, you know, I just can't figure it out. I mean, should I sublet and rent somewhere else?
Or should I take the plunge and sell and buy again? I just... ugh.
You could leverage your mortgage, keep this place as an investment and buy another property, but I don't think you'd enjoy being a landlord.
I'd definitely sell. This building's appreciated by 11%.
You'd get your money back and a little bit more.
Wow!
OK! Thanks.
Theodore?
Did you ever get your real estate license?
Yeah.
Why are you still...
I like the people.
Uh, would you, uh... would you help me find a new place and sell this one?
Please.
I'm not completely convinced that my mind isn't an assh*le.
Please?
(crickets chirping)
Oh, dear lord.
Roger went from being gone all day to being here all day.
I can't breathe. It's like he's given me asthma.
Isn't it nice, a little, to have each other close?
No. That's a fantasy of marriage that you manufactured out of guilt over Al.
It's true. I'll always tell you the truth.
You know I'm the one person in the world who will always tell you the truth. Mmhmm, very true.
You know something? It is so good to have my sister here.
It really is... Oh, no, little man.
No, no. This is silk. Off you go.
Here it is.
Put that down on the floor.
What are you doing?
Dogs pee on that...
But Willy's completely trained.
Well, dogs pee. Don't worry.
This is good. Gonna be right for my easel too, for the drips.
The light's fantastic in here. So I can come in, every now and again, and paint you or the dog.
Thank you both for having me.
Stay as long as you like. We love having you here.
Let's just give her a minute to get settled in, shall we?
It's great you're back. Really.
Really, really great.
Thanks.
Do you need anything?
Veronica: Roger!
Oh!
(sigh)
I know.
I know.
(door chime ringing)
Hi!
Oh, what's that?
I see you brought William.
He doesn't like my sister's place. You don't mind?
Oh, of course not.
I've often thought what this gallery needs is a little yappy dog.
Sorry.
When will Orlando give up the tree planting and resume his role as principal caregiver of the little dog child? Hmm?
Well, he's not tree planting anymore.
I can't believe that he kept it up this long.
I mean, he was never strong, physically.
He wasn't weak, he just wasn't strong.
He used to cry in gym class.
We'd have to come and get him. Has he replied to any of your emails yet?
No.
I've been getting everything third hand.
I've been spying on his Facebook friends.
Oh, God.
Well, Reff was sensitive too.
He ran away two days after Cherry left me.
I was pulling my hair out.
I hounded his friends, I contacted the police...
Eventually I found him living in a trailer in Nova Scotia and he had mutton chops and a mohawk and he didn't want to have anything to do with me.
What part of this story is supposed to make me feel better?
Oh, the part... no, nothing.
Nothing in that story is comforting.
I just know a thing or two about wayward children, is what I'm saying.
What is that?
Oh...
This is Roger's latest.
Let me see it.
No, I think this one's gonna go right into storage.
Oh, come on. Let me see it.
I really don't think you should see it.
Why?
Because it will put a strain on your relationship.
Let me see it.
Widow in the Wasteland.
Did you pose for this?
No, no, no. Stupid question, sorry.
Oh, God.
I just... I just moved into their house.
Yeah, that would be a problem.
Two bedrooms, radiant heating.
Check out the skylight.
Al: There's a reason people wanna live near water: because we always have.
Ever since we were apes, or apelike creatures, we would congregate near bodies of water because that's where the water buffalo came.
The water buffalo.
Or whatever.
Whatever our apelike ancestors ate.
I assume they ate water buffalo. I would have.
(teeth brushing)
That's why I'm pissed off at those realtors, because they are preying on our deep-seated need to see water.
It's practically in our DNA.
"Lake view." Those f*ckers. I've never actually sued anyone.
I don't know how to do it.
What am I suing them for, lying?
Can you sue someone for lying?
Lying in a pamphlet? Is that a crime?
Are you coming to bed?
Are you coming to bed?
So what do you think?
I hate it.
What do you mean the kitchen's in the wrong place?
It should be on the east side of the apartment, so you can get the light while you're eating breakfast.
Like your old place?
And the bedroom should be on the west side, away from the kitchen, and the walls should be a whiter white.
Like your old place.
But not my old place.
Because you can't live there.
No.
Because you want to start over and escape the painful memories, and what better way to do that than live in exactly the same place but with a different address? (sniffing)
What? Half a dozen agents went through this unit today and I guarantee you, they each did a line.
Roger, laughing: Thank you. Thank you. See you.
Guess why I'm so happy?
Oh, God, just tell me.
I sold a painting.
What of?
A model. Female model.
Who lives with us?
Davina, yes.
Of course.
$600.
And the only thing between that and my fingertips was the canvas.
There was no boardroom, there was no secretary, there was no office. There was nothing between me and my expression.
Which is why you have $600 to show for it.
The amount isn't the point.
A true artist empties himself of all things.
Oh, Christ. I can't take this anymore.
What?
I married a financial consultant.
Here we go.
We are losing everything and if by some chance you happen to have an offshore account with a million and a half dollars in it...
I don't.
If you are found guilty of professional misconduct, you go to jail.
You know what that means? And all you can say is, "The professional f*cking artist needs to empty his f*cking mind of f*cking everything."
You make me feel really, really alone.
Well, that will be good practice, won't it?
For when you live in stir.
Well, all the more reason to be true to myself, to who I really am.
(sighing): All you are is a man who fantasizes endlessly about seeing my sister naked, which you've done for a very long time.
She is to me as a piano is to its player.
Blow it out your ass.
You can't possibly comprehend the relationship between an artist and his...
If you say "muse," I will scream until blood comes spurting out of my mouth, I swear to God.
You really just don't understand...
(muffled voices arguing)
(small groan)
Do you know the average number of properties people look at before the final sublet?
No.
Six.
And how many have I looked at?
24.
Oh, God.
Yeah. To a real estate professional, this is very unsatisfying.
I know.
Fortunately, I'm not a real estate professional.
Realized early on that moving is a journey.
Doesn't matter if it's across town or across the hall.
If the agent is not good...
Like the guru, you know, helping people discover who they are, and where to find their own personal sanctuary.
It's almost spiritual, if you think about it.
I ain't trying to do that sh*t.
Well, why not?
Ah, it's surprisingly boring.
I'd rather deal coke.
But I do it for you 'cause you're a friend and your happiness means something to me. You're not some Bay Street assh*le trying to find a cheap place to bang his secretary on a regular basis.
No, at least I'm not that.
Thoughts?
It's... uh...
Too much like the old place?
Yeah. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm such a royal pain in the ass.
Hey, hey.
They were building one of those bath b*mb places across the street so you'd have to be smelling that hippy sh*t all day.
That ain't no way to live, right?
Come on, let's get out of here.
Keep Thursday morning free. We can check out that place on Queen's Quay, cool?
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Hey, you wanna grab lunch?
Oh, I can't.
I'm... I'm meeting Veronica.
Retail therapy.
We should have waited for a taxi.
We did, for 15 minutes.
We should have waited longer.
I don't mind the bus.
Here, would you hold some of these for me, please?
Thank you.
Wow. You really cleaned up.
What?
I'm surprised they didn't give you a round of applause when you left the building.
It was a sale.
It was a "cashmere" sale.
So you're my financial manager now?
I'm sorry, it's just...
It's just what?
Well, I just thought that you should buy what you want when you want.
Thank you.
That's very, very kind of you.
Very kind. My God. You're enjoying this, aren't you?
What?
What happened to Roger.
No!
The hubris.
"Oh, how the mighty have fallen"?
You're getting off on this.
(sighing): OK.
Look. Thanks for letting me stay with you while I look for a place, but maybe it's time I stayed somewhere else.
Why? So I can redecorate the room and maybe rent it out to a family of Mexicans?
What are you talking about?
You know what?
Screw this. I'm taking a taxi. That is, if you think I can afford it?
Vron! (ding)
You know... some wives stick by their husbands no matter what.
So if anybody should be feeling guilt around here, it's not me or Roger.
Alright? OK! I gotta get off. Mister!
Hello! I need to... open the door...
Gah, OK. You left your bags! You left half your bags!
f*ck off!
(doorbell ringing)
Yeah, it's an older building so that means more square footage and recent renos to the kitchen and bathroom were upgraded.
Well, I liked the pictures you sent.
Well, you texted that you'd like something by the water and the view here is k*ller.
Hi. Right on time. I'm Jackie.
I'm the owner. And you are? sh*t.
Sorry?
sh*t.
Uh, Davina. Davina Jackson.
Can we come in?
Are they here?
Get the hell over here, Miguel.
Welcome.
Oh, sh*t.
Did you arrange this?
Is this one last s*ab at my heart?
(Miguel whimpers.)
Look, we got other places to see today, so are you gonna let us the f*ck in or what?
Yeah. Yeah, please. Come in.
Oh, this is the view I was talking about.
Yeah, it's a great view. Have a look!
I had nothing to do with this...
You are such an assh*le.
Uh, there's radiant heating throughout and two-car parking.
What's going on?
I have no f*cking clue.
Living room's this way, right?
Yes. No!
No! It's not very clean...
Go!
Maybe if I...
Look in the living room.
Take you in...
Take it all in.
Jesus Christ.
Holy f*ck.
Don't look!
So it is you.
Yes!
Yes.
Well, it's not me.
I didn't pose for that. My... my brother-in-law did it. Can you take it down?
Please. Your brotherin-law painted you like that?
No... he imagined me like that.
He's a bit insane. Please! Can you?!
I tried to explain to my wife, it's art. It's not p*rn.
I mean, she's lost. You can see the pain in her eyes, the despair of an aging widow. The palpable loneliness.
You are excruciatingly human.
Oh, for Christ's sake! Just do something with it!
Allow me!
No!
(scraping)
No!
I've hated that ever since he brought it home.
He paid $600 for it and I've had to stare at your crotch every night, reflected in a TV screen.
That's it! She's dead.
Now you'll have no choice but to look at me.
I can't live here.
Do you know how much I loved that piece?
Yeah, let's get out of here.
man: That's my favourite painting in the world!
$600?
Not enough?
You sold me!
OK, when you put it that way I can see that it was a gross error in judgment and I'm sorry.
Now, can we just skip ahead to the part where this is a funny story that we laugh about for years to come?
Funny? That place was my last hope.
I... I can't stay at Veronica's anymore, and Theodore, well, he's totally worn out, and now there are buyers for my condo, which means that I will be truly homeless.
So which part of this will we laugh about?
Because I am not amused.
At all.
(door chime dinging)
(cars honking)
(sigh) Oh, I still really like it.
It's a bit like a hotel, isn't it, Howie?
It's got that pied-Ã -terre feel to it, doesn't it?
Sure, very "pied-Ã -terre." (chuckling)
We were just in Paris. Our daughter lives there.
She married a Frenchman. We don't know why.
She fell in love, that's why!
Oh, terrible reason.
Love fades, but he'll always be French.
What is this thing? Is it actually a couch, or is it an art piece? Uh, it's a couch.
Like, for sitting?
woman: Oh!
I'm sorry I'm late.
Oh, we were just getting used to the place. You must be Mrs. Jackson.
Davina.
Howie. This is Miranda.
We love your place.
Oh, thanks.
Oh, this light!
And that red wall.
Love the red wall. It's bold. We're into bold.
This is the perfect downsize.
Our daughter just got married and moved to Paris and now our son lives in Montreal. What do we need all that house for?
You are so lucky to live downtown.
That's what I look forward to... Pedestrian life.
Not always having to take the car out.
I like the car.
Well, you can drive. I'll walk.
This is so good for us.
We've been really suffering from empty nest syndrome.
And it's actually a syndrome, I looked it up.
Is this included in the sale?
What?
This art couch thing. I know you said that some fixtures and furnishings were included.
I just think it's so cool.
Uh, I believe it's open for discussion.
Yes, it's included. You can take the bed and the stools by the island.
Everything. Excuse me.
It's... really cool.
(whispering): Is she alright?
Yeah, she just really loves this place.
It's full of so many memories. I'm just going out.
Feel free to look around.
OK.
All I do now is cry.
They wanna buy.
Oh, I know.
They're offering a shitload over asking.
Ugh. I'm sorry, I'll just pull myself together.
I want to share something with you and I hope you don't judge me, but you'll actually get more if you cry.
Seriously?
Yeah.
Howie and Miranda aren't just buying a condo, they're buying a dream. They see the owner cry and they think, see what it means to her? It must be k*lling her to leave.
And that makes it more appealing to them.
Jesus.
Right?
You keep up that crying and I can get you an extra 30 grand.
You are really good at this.
Nah, it's a curse.
I, I wanna keep the couch.
They can have everything else.
I just want the couch.
You got it.
When I sign those papers, I'm going to be homeless.
You'll be alright. I was homeless for nine years.
You were homeless for nine years?
Nah, I'm just f*ckin' with you. But let's just get this over with and we'll smoke a joint or something, alright?
Oh, OK.
Alright.
Well, looks like we have a deal.
Miranda: Ah, fantastic!
(couple exclaiming)
(cell ringing)
I'm still mad at you.
I'm sorry about the damn painting, but it's shredded now and I still made the commission, so it's all good.
It's not a good time, Sam.
I really need your help. I'm moving some pieces into storage and I screwed up my back. Uh, would you meet me at the ferry docks?
Ferry docks?
I'm on the island. Please?
I got the dog with me, OK?
I'm in real pain. Please?
So why do you have storage on the island?
Oh, it's a houseboat. It belongs to a friend of mine and he asked me to take care of it. I don't have any use for it, so I'm using it for storage.
Shouldn't I be carrying those?
What?
Your back.
Oh, it's much better. It's a miracle!
Oh, my God!
Nice, huh?
Sam, it's beautiful.
Eh. Do you think?
Would you get the door? Oh, sure.
It's the top lock.
Wow.
It's his work. The owner's.
Oh, that's a street kid in São Paolo.
That's where he is now.
He runs a program for underprivileged youth in Brazil, when he's not painting murals all over the world.
Wow, this place is one of a kind.
Well, so are you.
What?
The whole back thing was a clever ploy to get you here.
Really?
Yeah. To your new home.
It was the least I could do after selling your naked body for $600.
Yes.
Wanna see the view?
Yes, I do.
Oh, dear.
I am so sick of crying.
This is the last time.
Thank you.
(seagulls squawking)
(boat bell ringing)
It is a great lake, isn't it?
I mean, a really great lake.