01x09 - The Track

[bunniefuu]

[Papers rustling]

Is she gonna say something?

[Files rustling]

Why the hell did you think this plan was gonna work?

[Mouth full] It was a good plan.

Ron.

Hey, Nate.

Jay. Hey. Good to see you.

How are you, Jay?

Gene: You are gonna love this.

Yeah, sure we are.

This place is electric. Do you feel it?

All I feel is the hollow corporate bullshit.

Nate, this Gupta guy is a damn visionary.

Trust me, Gene, he's not, okay?

And this whole "Guru of Business" thing he's pulling?

It's an insult to his entire culture.

Man: [Amplified voice] Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm P.F.R. welcome to our new C.E.O., Mr. Gupta!

[Cheers and applause]

Thank you! Thank you.

Please. Please!

I'm only kidding. Keep going. I love it.

[Laughter]

[Cheers and applause continue]

Oh, Jesus.

Okay, okay, be seated.

You know, human beings are in a constant search for a defining moment.

Hopefully, for P.F.R. and every single one of you, I can provide that moment right now.

Holy sh*t. Is this guy for real?

Shh.

My defining memory occurred 20 years ago, when I led my dearest friends...

[Click]

On an expedition of K2...

[Scoffs] Jeez.

Including noted martial artist Chuck Norris.

After six glorious hours atop the world's most.

[Choir harmonizing]

Dangerous mountain...

We moved to our descent.

But it was not so decent.

[Laughter]

Plagued by treacherous weather, my most trusted Sherpa, Lobsong, got his leg stuck in the black pyramid.

[Audience member gasps]

Now, of course, I wanted to rescue him, but Chuck Norris begged me not to.

"Don't go, Gupta!" He said.

"It is su1c1de!"

He thought I was wrong, but I ignored the Texas Ranger named Walker because I knew I was right.

And as the snow and ice pounded against my face, I hacked off Lobsong's leg using only my crampon.

What?

And it was in that single moment when I discovered my mantra.

"What's right is right."

Choir: ♪ What's right is right! ♪

Gupta: What's right is right!

Choir: ♪ What's right is right! ♪

What's right is right!

Choir: ♪ What's right is right! ♪

Well, that doesn't mean anything.

Shh!

But don't take my word for it.

Take Lobsong's!

[Voice breaks] What?

♪ Lobsong came down the mountain ♪

[Applause]

Gupta: Came down...

[Cheers and applause]

♪ all the while, he was shouting ♪

Screaming for help.

♪ Praise Gupta. ♪

[Crying]

Gupta: That's me!

♪ lord, he saved him ♪

I saved him.

♪ Saved his Lobsong ♪
♪ From his... ♪
♪ Right is right ♪

[applause]

He would be dead.

[Cheering loudly]

You were so right, Gene.

This guy is a dipshit.

Right is right!

Yeah!

I saved him!

You did!

Thank you. What's right is right.

What's right is right! Right?! Right?!

[Cheers and applause continue]

Man: ♪ Somewhere behind the mountains ♪
♪ There is a place I figured out... ♪

[Music warps, rewinds]

[Whirring sound]

♪♪

[Exhales deeply] I tell you, you find Gupta, and it is nothing but beach all day.

Ohh, I can't wait.

I'm gonna order a glass of wine and lay there and relax.

It's gonna be great.

I love you so much.

Women: Hey, Nate.

Seriously? Seriously?

What? I...

You were just looking at the teenagers.

No, she's well into her 20s.

I work with her. She's a P.F.R. rep.

Oh, that's what you guys do here.

You get wasted and you look at teenagers.

No, they are vital to the company's success.

Hey, girls, how are you?

Again, stop looking at them! God!

What? They're literally everywhere.

Where would you like me to look?

I don't know, maybe just look at me.

Is that super hard for you?

Oh. Are you P.M.S.-ing?

Oh, my god. It is so offensive when you ask me that!

I'm sorry. Are you?

No! I'm M.S.-ing.

Baby, you know you are the only woman I will ever, ever look at. Okay?

Okay.

Nate? Nate Parker!

Aah! [Laughs]

Hey! Ooh.

What is up?!

Nothing.

Melissa. We met in Denver.

Last year's convention.

Right!

Yeah!

Right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. How are you?

Oh, my god, we got so high that night.

Robin: Oh.

Do you remember? [Laughs]

Uh... I wanted to see what legal weed tasted like.

Tastes just like illegal weed, I think.

Yeah.

Yeah?

Let me tell you, this guy pulls the trigger.

We all wanted to go to bed, and this assh*le...

[Laughs] He was like, "not tonight!"

"We're totally pulling the trigger!" [Laughs]

You taught me so much that night, dude.

Oh.

Yeah.

Uh, anyway, it was great to see you...

Yeah!

Melissa. Yeah.

No, you don't go anywhere, 'cause I gotta hear more about this pulling of the trigger.

It's nothing. It's a stupid expression.

Wait. Um, what?

I live by that sh*t now, Nate.

You do?

Like... it's, like, my mantra.

Okay, what does it mean exactly?

Nothing.

Well, it means when the good angel is on my shoulder, and it's, like, time to stop...

Yeah.

That's when I...

Ow.

[Laughs] Pull the trigger!

Oh! [Laughs] You pulled the trigger!

That's so good to know!

Yeah!

Yeah, yeah. Anyway, uh, uh... Gupta.

Gupta... have you seen him at all?

'Cause that's why we're here.

Oh! No. Total bummer. Didn't you hear?

No.

He's not coming to the convention. He bailed.

What?

Yeah.

Uh... that's impossible.

No, he's totally M.I.A.

I'm sorry, dude. You really loved him, didn't you?

That's all right. This weekend...

We're gonna pull the trigger, right? Gupta or no Gupta!

[Snaps fingers]

No, we're not doing that. Bye-bye.

[Footsteps depart, indistinct conversations]

It's not what you think it is.

I... what is this?

It's not this, it's this.

So, by the way, what was your plan, anyway?

I want as going to talk to him. He's a reasonable man.

Sit him down and just go...

That's it? No, no plan "B"?

You... you can't have a plan "B" or else you give up on plan "A" when it... sucks.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, mom, you didn't have a plan "B" when you had us.

Well, that's because it wasn't on the market yet, sweetie.

What?!

She doesn't know what that means.

She can look it up!

Yeah, I'm looking it up.

No, you're not looking it up. Don't look it up.

Jared and Delilah: I'm looking it up.

Please don't look it up.

Don't look it up.

[Sighs] What are we even doing here?

You're miserable at that job.

Just... let's just find you a new job.

Oh!

Yeah.

Oh, why didn't I think of that?

Yeah.

I mean, I'm only 40, with no appreciable skills and an overinflated salary.

I'll say, "Hey, workforce, give me a new job."

Relax. We would be fine.

Oh, no, we would not.

Yeah, we would.

Everything changes.

These expensive highlights? Goodbye.

Go in the sun. Lemon juice.

Velodrome membership.

No.

That's gone.

No, no. The track is where I keep my ass.

I know, and it's a great ass.

You love my ass.

It's just gonna...

Ohh. I could work.

You do you wanna work?

No.

Right. You see?

No, I I... I like our life.

I love our life, and I hate the idea of starting over.

I know. That sounds exhausting.

Okay, well, then let's just get your job back. Let's do it.

How? He's not here.

He's at this racetrack.

What?

What?

Yeah, 30 minutes ago, Gupta said he was, "getting ready to spend the entire afternoon riding these beauties."

That's not far from here. Maybe we should go.

Yes, we should go, dummy. That's plan "B." Let's go.

Yeah, we're not going.

Yeah, you are because we're going, so let's all go.

We're tired of driving.

Well, you can't stay here alone.

In the last week, we've been arrested, chased by truckers, had g*ns pointed at our faces, watched you marry a pedophile...

That's true. I did that.

Yeah, I think we can handle an afternoon by ourselves at this resort.

Mm-hmm.

♪♪

Okay.

Really?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Delilah: Yeah.

♪♪

[Nate sighs]

[Crying]

Wait. Wait. Why are you crying?

I'm not. I'm not crying. I just...

[Voice breaking] It's sort of a big moment when you realize your kids don't need you...

Knock it off.

Yeah.

We're gonna be back in one hour.

[Sniffles]

Do not mess this up, okay?

Gotcha.

Stop it.

I'm not crying.

Stop.

I'm not crying.

Not today.

I don't cry.

What do we do?

I'm going to find Chazz.

Well, what do I do?

Whatever you want, Jareb.

♪♪

[Indistinct conversations, laughter]

♪♪♪♪

God, invitation only? Are you kidding me?

Can nothing be easy? I swear to god, I wish I was wealthy so none of this mattered.

Yeah, me, too.

What?

What?

What does that mean? What's wrong with your life?

No, it's just sometimes...

You dream of getting high with teenagers, I dream of marrying rich. Same, same.

It's not same, same at all.

Come on.

Women: Hi!

What's up, girls?

[Laughter]

[Indistinct conversations]

This is never gonna work.

No, trust me. It works every time.

When do you do this?!

I do this all the time.

It's an optical illusion. Just walk backwards.

It looks like we're leaving, but we're actually walking in!

Man: Have your invitations out, sir.

[Indistinct conversations]

[Grunts] That's... I can't believe that worked.

I cannot believe that worked.

Why you walking backwards?

Sorry?

You think I can't see you?

You can see me?

Of course I can see you, you idiot. Let's go.

But my wife...

Hey, let's go.

Babe? Babe!

Don't be dumb. Let's go, sir. Come on.

[Sighs]

♪♪

Hey, Toddy! What's up, man?

What are you doing here, dipshit?

My dad fired your dad last week.

No, he'll get his job back. You'll... you'll see.

Oh, I see.

The oracle sees all, and I say your dad's a loser.

Boy: Ooh! Nice one!

[Laughter]

Well, I love my dad.

Ha! Did you hear that, boys?

He - love his dad.

[Laughter]

What's wrong with that? He took me to a strip club.

[All murmur]

And I got to drive blue thunder, and I crashed it in a ditch.

Seriously, man?

Nice.

Your dad is cool.

Yeah? Well, watch this, guys.

Hey, Toddy, get down from there, you dipshit.

[Laughter]

Called him dipshit.

[Strained voice] Come on. [Grunts]

Now we gotta go find your assh*le brother.

[Laughter]

Chazz!

Get up there, man.

Yeah, come on, kid.

Boy: Show us what you got.

Can you do a seat drop?

No. I can do this...

[Trampoline thumps]

Whoa.

[Cheers and applause]

[Man shouting indistinctly]

[Cheers and applause continue]

Hey, does anyone know another way in here?

Oh, sure, but we prefer to stand here and watch through the fence.

So it's a no?

Yes, it's a no. What? What, are you stupid?

You know what? I'm starting to think I am.

[Engines revving]

♪♪

[Indistinct conversations]

♪♪

One time we raced, it was Richard Petty, Tom Petty, and myself.

Yes, two Pettys and a Gupta!

I mean, that's funny! That's just funny to me.

That's the punch line. Yeah, you didn't laugh.

Look, I tell it again, and this time you laugh, okay?

Okay, so one time, it was me and Richard Petty and...

Hi. Hi, I'm sorry. I just... I need to talk to Mr. Gupta.

Yeah, I don't think so, bitch.

What?

Well, you gotta be at least, uh...

This tall to ride a billionaire. So...

[Gupta speaking indistinctly]

Sorry.

I've been traveling.

I am unable to answer your call ...

[Sighs]

[Whispers] Come on, come on, come on.

Straight to voice-mail?

Yeah. Her battery's probably dead.

Or she's probably having an affair with that billionaire boss of yours.

She's not.

I'm on my fifth marriage.

Honey, straight to voice-mail is the only clue I ever gave.

Why would you get married five times?

Because my husbands were sh*t. It's called the upgrade game.

Is it?

Nate!

Babe!

Wow! Is that your wife?

Yeah.

When you make love to her, it must look like a walrus suffocating a goddess.

Mm.

She's like a perfect 10.

How in the hell did you get with her?

What are you talking about? I'm a 7.

[Scoffs] 4 at best.

No, my personality brings me up to at least a 6.

Oh, are you saying your personality brings you up?

Yes. Yes, it does. Is Gupta there?

Yeah, and he's way better-looking than I thought.

[Chuckles] She's upgrading, Nate.

Who is this? Who are you? Hi.

Hi. I'm Nate's friend Brad.

She's not my friend. What... Your name's Brad?

[Scoffs] Short for Bradget.

[Whispers] Right.

Great. Hey, you have to keep him there until I can figure out a way to get in.

How... how am I supposed to do that?

I don't know. Just do something. Flirt with him.

Oh, yes. You know what?

He's holding court with a bunch of models...

Oh.

So I'll just, you know...

Okay, well, think of something else then.

What? Whoa. Wait. I'm a really good flirter.

It's models.

You're probably gonna wanna say "I'm sorry" for that one.

Yeah, you might wanna listen to your friend Brad here.

Please, we need a plan.

I have a plan.

What?

I got a plan.

What?

I'm pulling the trigger.

What does that mean?!

Sounds like she's gonna get split. [Chuckles]

Ew.

Spa-lit! [Laughs]

Boy: Whoa!

How do you know so much stuff?

Life lessons, bro.

Like, one time, I stabbed a knight in a small, vulnerable opening in the armor.

You mean chink.

The hell, Bryce?!

That's offensive to Asians, no matter what the context is.

Boy: Nice!

But the real question is, does he follow you?

Yeah. And Chazz, like, "likes" all of my posts.

Watch.

[Camera shutter clicks]

Chazz? You guys know Chazz, too?

Yeah. Who are you?

I'm his girlfriend.

[Both laugh]

You might wanna tell that to him.

[Video game bloops]

Male automated voice: Game over.

I don't know, ladies, but, uh, Ms. Rebecca looks pretty good with her hands on my wheel.

Oh, pretty good? Babe...

I look smokin'.

Okay! We have a winner!

[Giggles]

Good choice. Yeah.

She's clearly the smokingest of all the bimbos.

Yeah, don't be jel, okay?

[Engine grinds]

Car's already on, dumb-dumb.

Oh, hey, and if you even think about rolling on the throttle before you're through the apex, you're gonna slam up against the wall, and you're gonna be dead.

Yeah, nerd.

[Engine grinds]

It's still on.

Okay, get out.

[Door handle clacks]

[Women gasp]

[Under breath] Stupid car bitch.

So...

Yes?

How does a woman like you know so much about cars?

Uh, 'cause I like cars.

I don't know what it is about you, but when you talk, I do not hate the sounds that come from your mouth.

Oh, you don't have to do that whole suave, rich, sophisticated foreigner thing with me.

It's not a thing. I'm worth $4.8 billion.

[Spits]

[Laughs]

Sorry.

Don't be sorry. You make me laugh.

Oh, god! [Laughs]

You're gonna drive the car.

[Gasps]

And then we will helicopter to my yacht, no?

Well, that's a whole list of things I've never done before.

So... yeah, why not?

Let's do it!

Okay.

[Chuckles]

[Fence rattling]

Nate: Hey, dude.

Hey. Hey, I-I need to get in there.

Can't help you, bro.

Yeah, yes, you can.

Yes, you can absolutely help me. That's... that's your job.

Money. Money. I'll give you money.

Here. I got, uh...$32. Here. It's yours.

Thanks, bro.

Now where do I go in?

Hot chicks only, man.

What?

Listen, man, my boss was very clear.

He wants him and his friends to get laid.

What, you don't think I saw your hot-ass girlfriend doing that same stupid backwards walk that you were doing?

Sucker. [Laughs]

[Footsteps depart]

Robin!

I want you, when you're driving, to try to...

Nate: Come here! Robin!

Just stick to the...

Robin! Robin!

Look. I have fans everywhere. [Laughs]

Nate: Robin!

g*dd*mn it.

[Touchscreen clicking]

Is that an "f" or a "q"?

Son, your wife is about to get into a high performance automobile on hallowed concrete, with a tantric billionaire riding shotgun.

Stop textin'!

We all know how this is gonna end.

Yeah, you're right.

Okay. Okay. I can do this.

♪♪

[Grunts] Get some!

[Fence rattles]

Aah! That's so hard!

That's it, bro! Get down from there!

Get down from there!

What?

Brad: Aah!

Man: Uhh!

Climb that fence!

Oh, my god.

Nate, seriously, I can't hold him much longer.

[Grunts]

I got about 12 seconds!

Uhh! Get off me!

I'm done.

That's it, bro!

Aah!

[Thud]

♪♪

[Cellphone chimes]

Automated female voice: New message from Robin.

"I told you, I'm pulling the trigger. Ugh."

"Ugh"? What does "ugh" mean? Why would you even send "ugh"?

New message for Rob...

[Breathalyzer beeps]

[Groans]

[Hums]

[Beeps]

[Hums]

[Beeps]

[Hums]

Don't do it. It's not worth it. Send.

[Cellphone bloops]

Sending to...

[Cries]

[Cellphone chimes]

Huh?

[Scoffs]

[Slurring] I don't know how he knew, but he's right.

Text Nate. "Nate, "Nate, I was gonna end it all. It was over. You stopped it."

[Cellphone chimes]

"Nate, I want to end it all. It is over."

What?

"You stop it."

"You're right."

[Cellphone chimes]

"You're white."

Yeah?

Whoa.

"You're broke."

So?

"You're a mensch."

[Cellphone chimes]

"He's rich."

What?

"Now this guy's gonna find my Svetlana and make love for hours."

[Cellphone chimes]

"Wow. This guy's going to grind my sweaty lava and make love for hours."

What does "sweaty lava" mean?

Okay, I found this on the web for "sweaty lava."

"The act of having sex in a sauna

with a menstruating female."

Ew!

Are you P.M.S.-ing?

No! I'm M.S.-ing.

♪♪

[Revs engine]

What's right is right, and what's wrong is wrong!

Man: ♪ You wanna take me for a ride ♪

Whoo! Ha ha!

[Cheering]

♪ You gonna take me for a ride ♪
♪ You gonna take me for a ride ♪
♪ You gonna take me for a ride ♪

[stock car zooms]

sh*t!

Oh, sh*t, that's fast!

Whoa! That's so [Bleep] fast!

[Engines rev]

♪♪

Baby, I'm coming for ya!

Oh! Babe! Where you goin'?!

[Turn indicator clicks]

Babe! Stay there!

[Engines revving]

What are you doing?!

Dude, get over! Get over!

I'm trying to get my wife!

I've got my signal on! Get over!

[Engines revving]

Stop boxing me in! I know this trick!

You're in a faster car! Big [Bleep] deal!

[Engines revving]

[Metal scraping]

[Crying]

[Engines revving]

[Cries and groans]

[Laughs]

Very impressive.

Me?

Yeah, you're a very surprising woman.

You're almost like a... How do you say...

A complete person.

Yeah, oh, yeah, I'm a person.

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

Okay, well, let's take my helicopter to my yacht.

Oh, don't you wanna hang out and see who wins?

Uh, spoiler alert... My car does.

[Both laugh]

Challo, let's go!

Well, we should at least have another drink, right?

[Engines revving]

Look at this bloody fool. [Chuckles]

Oh, yeah, let's hang out and see what kind of idiot would do that.

sh*t.

Uh, actually, I don't care.

I'm leaving. Either come or stay.

Okay.

[Glass thuds]

Billionaire?

Billionaire. Great.

All right.

[Panting]

[Engines revving]

Oh, sh*t. sh*t. sh*t.

sh*t! sh*t!

[Engines revving]

[Cheers and applause]

Number one! Number one!

♪♪

[Speaks indistinctly]

Get your hand off my ass.

Oh!

Yeah.

I love your fight!

[Panting]

We can connect a m*ssile at the bottom.

Nate: Robin!

Do you wanna go sh**ting later?

Robin!

[Cheering]

[He's My Brother She's My Sister's "Let's Go" playing]

♪ So let's go, let's say goodbye ♪
♪ Let's leave, let's find our peace ♪
♪ Let's go ♪

Robin!

♪ Let's go ♪

Robin!

Robin! Uhh!

[Groans]

[Crowd gasps]

[Murmuring]

Oh, my god.

[Glasses shatter, crowd gasps]

Uhh! Aah!

[Laughs]

[Groans]

[Murmuring continues]

[Rock music playing]

[Glass shatters]

You just messed with the wrong goon, pal.

[Laughter]

Uhh! [Groans]

Aah!

[Laughter]

[Groans]

[Laughter continues]

[Cries and groans]

Just stay down, man. Just stay down.

Get out.

[Grunts]

[Laughter]

Robin!

Man: Just go, man. Just get outta here.

Robin! Robin!

What's wrong with that guy?

Robin! Robin!

No! No! No! No!

Robin!

[Whirring]

[Shouting indistinctly]

[Helicopter blades whirring]

♪♪