02x01 - Fleas Don't k*ll Me

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Angie Tribeca"...

Tribeca, I'd like you to meet your new partner.

This is Jay Geils.

There's something you should know about me.

I don't like partners, and I especially don't like partners who try to get personal.

I got to go take a poop.

I was engaged to my first partner, and he vanished under mysterious circumstances.

I've had 236 partners, and I've fallen in love with every single one of them.

Nothing's gonna happen to me, kid.

Tribeca, what the hell are you doing?!

[Sighs] Geils?

I do, too.

Tribeca: [Breathes deeply] I never had to do that before.

Did you see me? My hands were shaking.

I was sweating, too.

Geils: Shh. It's okay.

It's over. [Breathes deeply]

[Both sigh]

You've never opened up to anyone in your life, and now you're finally taking a chance on someone.

How do you feel about that?

I feel like this.

I need to use the little detective's room.

What?

I've just always wondered what you'd look like wearing my b*mb vest.

[Vest beeping]

♪♪

[Grunts]

[Indistinct conversations]

[Whistle blows]

Tribeca.

♪♪

[Monitor beeping]

Pepper: Boop. Boop.

Boop. Boop.

Boop. Boop.

Boop. Boop.

Boop.

Hi, there.

Sergeant Pepper?

Eddie?

Hi, Angie.

I thought you were...

Shh.

I want you to come with me to the other side.

I...

[Breathes deeply]

Boop, boop.

I...

[Monitor beeping rapidly]

Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop!

[Flatline]

Nurse!

[Siren wails]

Geils! McCormick! Get the hell in here!

McCormick, in 23 years of law enforcement, you're the best officer I've ever worked with... judgment, initiative, investigative skills.

That being said, you're being transferred back to vice.

See you around.

What's up, Lieutenant? Looks like you saw a ghost.

Yes. But I have other news.

You might want to sit down.

She's awake.

[Chair breaks]

♪♪

Angie?

She was awake for a minute, but now she's back out again.

[Sighs]

I can't take this.

[Air hissing]

[Gasps]

[Breathing heavily]

Angie.

Geils.

Hello, old friend.

Hello!

Angie. How you doing, girl?

Tanner.

Doctor said it'd be touch and go for a while.

Damn it, I hate to see her like this.

[Gasps]

Angie, how are you feeling?

I-I guess I'm okay.

How long have I been out?

About nine months.

Did someone leave a baby in the hallway?

Oh, yeah, sorry. That's me.

[Baby coos]

Is it mine?

It's ours.

I need a minute to process this.

Why don't I take little Angie down to the cafeteria and let you guys talk?

You named her Angie? After me?

Him. I named him after you.

Look, you take it easy girl, all right?

Hey, where's Hoffman?

He got into the evidence locker room and ate some drug money.

He'll be suspended until he poops it out.

Man: In order to win the grand prize, you must answer all four...

Until then, I'll be working with Detective Small.

Small?

Very.

How's it going?

[Sighs]

What else did I miss?

Next you're gonna tell me you're seeing someone else.

Atkins: Geils! Tribeca!

Get the hell in here!

Coming, Lieutenant.

[I.V. pops, monitors beeping rapidly]

You wanted to see us, sir?

Tribeca.

How you doing, kid?

Well, considering a year ago they were sweeping up my brains with a dustpan...

[Sneezes]

Bless you.

[Sighs]

How are you, sir?

Well, since I'm now a year away from retirement, the department requires I start building a boat with a whimsical name.

But I'm not gonna lie.

The Thousand Tomorrows is a long way from setting sail.

Geils, I got a fresh m*rder in for you.

Tribeca, the shrink wants you riding a desk till you're back on your feet.

I'm ready to work, Lieutenant.

You just got out of a coma, for God's sake.

Hey! If Tribeca says she's ready, then she's ready.

Or do I have to show you my fist?

Well, it's not like we don't need you.

It's an election year, and the mayor insists I cr*ck down on m*rder.

Anything for a couple of votes.

There's a John Doe in the dog park at the top of Laurel Canyon.

Check it out.

[Woman speaking indistinctly on P.A.]

You really think she's ready?

I don't know, Lieutenant.

[Glass shattering]

I don't know.

♪♪

[Dogs barking]

Wait! Wait, wait! No!

No, no! Come on, come on, come on!

No, no! This is a crime scene!

[Siren chirping]

You might want to take a look at it.

Good boy. All right.

What are we looking at, Tanner?

Got the call about 7:00 this morning.

Guy walks his dog in the park.

Just chillin'.

All of a sudden, sees a body... dead and buried.

Well, not all the way buried, but definitely all the way dead.

Let's take a look.

Yeah.

[Dogs barking]

Dr. Scholls.

Tribeca. Welcome back.

Hello, lover.

Oh, that's right.

You didn't know.

Do we know how he d*ed?

We found some bruising on his neck, so strangulation's a possibility.

Anyone else in the park when they found the body?

Just a trainer that comes here every day...

Anne Muffet.

Said she's seen the deceased in the park before, but never spoke to him.

Let's take a look at our John Doe's name.

If he still has his wallet, it wasn't a robbery.

Jonathan Dough.

[Sighs]

What do we got, Scholls?

We turned Dough's apartment upside down.

Didn't find a thing.

[Thud]

[Man groans]

Keep us posted.

Will do.

Angie, listen, me and Scholls...

It's fine, Geils.

They said even if you did wake up, you wouldn't be you anymore.

You'd be a distant echo.

A memory.

More shadow than human being.

And fat.

I get it.

You think I would have waited around for you?

No way.

Yeah, right.

[Scoffs] No way.

All right, well, Scholls thinks I had the baby with some chick in Canada...

Yeah, don't worry about it.

But, uh, if you had some pictures you could send, I-I'd like that.

Well, I kind of made her up, so I don't...

The baby.

You guys looking for John Dough?

Anything you can tell us about him?

Moved in two weeks ago.

Had this weird thing about not being in a good mood most of the time.

I don't want to call him sad, but...

And what about his routine? Anything out of the ordinary?

Every day around 8:30, he'd come out with this rectangular box with a handle and some kind of hot beverage.

He'd be gone all day.

Then, around 6:00, he's back.

Box, no beverage.

Then you don't hear from him all night long.

Boom! Next morning, box and beverage.

I don't want to say he lived and slept here and then went to work, but...

Friends? Acquaintances?

This was weird.

He had this woman that he was married to.

Then they decided to stop being married and live separately.

I don't want to say divorce, but...

♪♪

Can I help you?

Jane Dough? LAPD.

It's "Douzjh." The "G-H" is pronounced.

Can we come in?

We're very sorry to hear about your ex-husband.

Are you?

Tribeca, take it easy.

I'm fine.

Jane: Just because we're divorced doesn't mean I'm happy that he's dead.

We were high-school sweethearts.

Ever since college.

When was the last time you saw him?

Not dead, I mean.

Last night.

I dropped by his new place around 8:00 to pick up our dog.

We had an argument, and I left.

What was the argument about?

I told him to get some plants for his new apartment... which, of course, made him furious.

I just find plants and animals liven a place up a little bit, don't you?

[Barks]

Yeah. So do humans.

The scratch marks on your neck...

Was there some sort of physical altercation?

I'm afraid Bruce has a little bit of a flea problem.

[Bruce squeaks]

Don't you find it unusual that your ex-husband was at the dog park without a dog?

Should I be speaking to a lawyer?

No, ma'am.

That would make our job a lot harder.

Tribeca: The ex-wife doesn't have an alibi, but until we find a m*rder w*apon or a cause of death, we have nothing on her.

Jane Dough wasn't the last person to see him alive.

Seems he had an appointment with the dog trainer, Anne Muffet, at 11:00 p.m.

Tanner, you and Small take a run at Muffet.

About that, sir. I can't find Detective Small.

What do you mean, you can't find her?

I mean I looked everywhere.

I retraced my footsteps, looked in the lost and found.

I'm really sorry.

Well, a new detective is coming out of your paycheck.

Oh, that's cold.

Geils, you and Tribeca see what you can dig up on the Dough divorce.

Hey.

How's she holding up?

I think you meant to pull aside Geils, sir.

Right.

All right, well, if you see him around, ask him how you're holding up.

Will do.

Thanks for coming in, Miss Muffet.

I have a few questions to ask you.

Sit!

Shake.

[Chomping]

Did you have an appointment with a John Dough at 11:00 p.m. last night?

Mm... maybe.

I have a lot of clients.

It's really difficult to keep track.

Well, let me refresh your memory.

It's the dead guy in the park that you claim you never spoke to.

No. No!

Well, we have a calendar entry on John Dough's phone saying that he had an appointment with you last night.

You know what? Now that I think about it, we did have a session last night.

Training dogs at 11:00 p.m.?

Mr. Dough had a day job.

He could only do sessions at night on the days he had custody of the dog.

So you knew about his divorce.

Drop it. Drop it!

This morning you claimed you never even spoke to the man.

Now you know details about his personal life, training sessions with him in the middle of the night.

The relationship between a trainer and their client and their client's dog is privileged.

I did not go to six weeks of online dog-training school to betray the cornerstone of my profession.

Now if you are finished...

Baby, I'm nowhere near finished with you.

I have a security camera in my home.

Check the footage at 11:55 last night and you will see John Dough leaving my house alive.

And now I am leaving.

Hmph.

Wait.

Wait.

Wa-a-a-a-it.

Okay!

[Chomping]

♪♪

I think I got fleas from that lady's house.

Oh, look, it's the care phone.

It's for you. Guess who it is.

Nobody.

Then who said it was for me?

Hi. Sorry we kept you waiting.

[Recorder beeps]

Let the record show that we are talking to Neil and Penelope Quigley, who represented John Dough in his divorce from his wife.

We're sitting in a drab office decorated with generic artwork on the walls.

Neil is a tall man. Medium build.

Colors his hair. Not fooling anybody.

Penelope's a hot little number, though her best years are probably behind her.

But back in the day, mm-mmm!

Mr. and Mrs. Quigley, thank you for talking to us.

Of course. We were devastated to hear about John's death.

I could swear he had three or four more divorces in him.

Was there anything about the divorce that would make you think Mrs. Dough would want to harm her husband?

It was pretty cut and dry.

The only sticking point was the custody of the dog.

I don't even think John wanted that little rat, but Jane did, so I got it for him.

[Clears throat] He means we got it for him.

He sometimes forgets that both of our names are on the door.

Though my name does come first.

Which no one could possibly know because we have the same name.

Are we okay?

Sometimes my husband can be a little insensitive... and even less often get an erection.

Sometimes my wife can't do anything sexy, anything at all.

But if she could, me and my erection would be first in line for that show.

My erection and I.

Ohh! That's the spot!

Oh, I swear, building this boat's gonna k*ll me.

So, John Dough loses interest in his wife.

Then he gets the dog in the divorce.

They fight about it, and she kills him.

But he was seen alive coming out of the trainer's place.

And she knows he'll be at the dog park in the morning, so she waits for him, strangles him, takes the dog, and then does her best to bury the body.

Geils: But we haven't confirmed strangulation is the cause of death.

Plus, that trainer woman knows a hell of a lot more than what she's letting on.

Mm.

[Vending machine whirs, beeps]

[Sighs]

[Beeping]

[Grunts]

Oh, can I help you there?

Oh. Yes, thank you, Dr. Edelweiss.

You know, these vending machines are going to make me an absolute fortune.

Now, what can I get you?

Uh, the blackberry brandy and the pink-and-white pills.

Oh, yes. An excellent choice.

Now let me show you something we found on your John Dough.

[Baby Angie fussing]

It was very astute of you to notice the bruise marks on his neck.

He'd been strangled.

Aha!

But not to death.

Huh?

Someone had placed something around his neck... a cord or a belt.

Ah.

But the trachea was intact.

O-ho!

It was tight enough, of course, to cause some severe damage.

Yayayaya.

But whoever did this knew exactly at which point to stop.

Mm!

It's possible that...

Nobody asked you!

Hey, if you're gonna lose your mind every time you fall into a coma and I abandon you for another woman, who then raises your baby thinking it's my Canadian love child, it's gonna be a long second season.

Fine.

Aah! Dang it. Now I have fleas.

So, what k*lled him?

He was poisoned.

A routine toxicology report revealed a lethal dose of pyrethrin.

What's pyrethrin?

You don't know?

My job is safe.

Pyrethrin is an extract from the chrysanthemum flower and a common ingredient in pesticides.

Pesticide.

Geils.

Pesticide.

We need an arrest warrant for Jane Dough.

I'll call the D.A.

Masseuse: [Sighs] Mm.

I didn't have any cash.

But I didn't do anything!

That's enough, Jane.

I'll do the talking.

But she didn't do anything!

We have a man who was poisoned and a bitter ex-wife with motive, opportunity, and a pantry full of pesticides.

I didn't k*ll Jonathan. I loved him.

He just didn't love me.

It all started in the bedroom.

He kept wanting to do weirder and weirder stuff.

How weird? What stuff?

How weird?

Don't answer that.

But if you want to, that would be awesome.

I just don't feel comfortable.

But if it would help...

He wanted us to...

I can't.

I can't.

But I did not k*ll him, I swear to God.

God may believe you, but a jury won't.

Take her away.

That may be the coolest thing I ever said.

My plants!

♪♪

Well, I'm gonna take off for the night.

Crazy first day back, huh?

Nothing I can't handle.

I do love you, Tribeca.

What?

I said "good night."

[Baby Angie fussing]

Dr. Scholls: Hi.

I'm glad we switched to cloth diapers.

I'm wearing mine, too!

[Baby Angie coos]

[Gasps] Hey.

[Sighs]

You know what always makes me feel better?

A big bag of d*ck's.

Great. I'm starving.

Thanks.

So, Jane Dough goes down for murdering her husband.

Love's funny, ain't it?

Love is funny.

And it's freaky.

You wouldn't believe what I saw at the trainer's house.

Yeah, I got coffee at your place this morning.

I had a little white detective with me.

Did anyone turn one in?

Yeah, I'll hold.

[Barking]

[Barking continues]

She had a leash around his neck?

Some messed-up sh*t.

Ugh!

These fleabites.

Fleas.

♪♪

Now that Tribeca's awake, I suppose you want to leave me for her.

No. No, of course not.

Besides, she has no feelings for me anymore.

[Knock on door]

Geils.

Tribeca!

Sorry to interrupt your dinner.

Oh, don't even worry about it.

I realized something that's gonna make you very, very happy.

Shh! You don't have to say it.

[Blowing]

Jane Dough is innocent.

Oh. The case.

It was the fleabites.

Everyone had them... you, me, the wife, the dog.

So everyone has fleas.

The dog has fleas, gave them to everybody.

Almost everybody.

Dr. Scholls, how many fleabites did John Dough have on his body?

There were no fleabites on John Dough's body.

Oh, what do you know?!

Wait. Yes, that's right.

John Dough had no fleabites because fleas wouldn't touch him because pyrethrin, which is the active ingredient in pesticides, is also the active ingredient in flea medicine.

But who...

The trainer.

She was into some weird role-playing stuff where John Dough pretended to be a dog.

Anne: Does somebody want a treat?

[Gasps] Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?

Oh, my good...

Dough gets fleas.

Naturally, she gives him medicine.

She gives him too much.

He dies. She panics.

She buries him in the park.

Even though we only have her for manslaughter, I think we can get her under m*rder one.

She's gonna fry like bacon.

It all makes sense.

Sorry, Monica.

We've got to go arrest the dog trainer.

No, you stay and eat.

I'm fine on my own.

I always have been.

You're never on your own.

See you in the morning, partner.

See you in the morning.

Oh.

And, hey, Geils?

Why don't you take this?

I don't need it anymore.

It's empty.

Yeah. Can you toss it for me?

[Foot thuds, men barking]

Sit down! Okay, okay, okay, okay!

Down! Sit down!

Anne Muffet, you're under arrest for the m*rder of Jonathan Dough.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you sa...

Hello! Who's this little guy?

Hi!

[Chuckling] Hello.

Tribeca, I thought you hated dogs.

Yeah, there's something about this one.

Oh, you like your belly scratched, don't you?

[Panting]

Yes, you do.

I think you've been working a little too hard, Tribeca.

Why don't you head on home?

We'll handle Miss Muffet.

Thanks, Tanner.

♪♪

[Sighs]

You know what? I'm sorry.

This is super-weird.

Yeah, I should go now.

My son graduates tomorrow.

[Cellphone rings]

[Cellphone beeps]

Tribeca.

Pepper: Angie. It's me.

Sergeant Pepper?

Eddie?

[Breathes sharply]

[Squeak!]

♪♪♪♪