02x02 - Trivial Pursuit

[bunniefuu]

Previously, on "Casual"...

Alex started exercizing.

That's good.

No, it's a cry for help.

Like, I just wish we could bring him back to how he was.

I mean, he's on the path to spiritual enlightenment.

But can't you get him laid or something?

Where's the bathroom key?

Jennifer borrowed it.

Who's Jennifer?

She's the new woman next door. She's remodeling.

How long is this supposed to last?

Your mom tells me you're not going back to school.

We're touring East Alvarado tomorrow.

Public school? I didn't know it was that bad.

What's it like here?

It's all the same. I guess the worst part here is watching the teachers wonder how their lives went so wrong.

Alex, what are you talking about?

Before you get upset, John Adams was homeschooled, James Garfield.

What makes you think you're even qualified to teach?

I can teach.

It's great, right?

I can't believe we didn't think of it before.

[Cyndi Lauper's "All Through the Night" playing]

♪ ♪
♪ All through the night ♪
♪ I'll be awake and I'll be with you ♪
♪ All through the night ♪
♪ This precious time when time is new ♪
♪ Oh, all through the night today ♪
♪ Knowing that we feel the same without saying ♪
♪ We have no past we won't reach back ♪
♪ Keep with me forward all through the night ♪
♪ And once we start the meter clicks ♪
♪ And it goes running all through the night ♪
♪ Until it ends there is no end ♪
♪ ♪
♪ All through the night ♪
♪ Stray cat is crying so stray cat sings back ♪

[music fades out]

What the f*ck?

You're late.

Is this a joke?

The basic homeschool curriculum can be completed in two days a week, but I've extended our course schedule with a few electives.

Java, Banned Books, Subversives and Revolutionaries, Bow Hunting?

You can take that one pass/fail.

Seems like a lot.

Well, are you interested in a life of variety and excitement?

I'm interested in going to school two days a week and having the rest of the week to f*ck off.

Come on, you're straight, white, and rich.

The world has lavished you with undeserved favor.

It would be thankless to rest on your laurels.

[clears throat]

Boyfriend ended at 8:00.

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

[groans]

Okay, so, a Sex Pistols show leads to the formation of?

Joy Division, who then became New Order with the death of... come on.

Ian Curtis, and then it just totally explodes from there, right?

Talking Heads to U2 to Radiohead to Kanye.

Morning, Val.

Morning.

Sit down. We're about to start with New York in the '80s.

What class is this?

Mid-American post-punk.

Oh. I don't recall seeing that on the lesson plan.

It's an elective.

That I did not elect.

I think it's a pretty comprehensive schedule.

And I think it's a convenient way for you to not work.

I am an educator.

I am happy that you've taken an interest, Alex, but stick to the lesson plan. Administer the test.

What about thumb screws? Should I administer those too?

Core classes first, then you can do the electives.

Okay.

Okay? Okay?

Yeah, fine, whatever.

And also, you know, spend some time with people your own age, right, 'cause this is the time in your life where you make those lifelong friendships.

That's kind of hypocritical, don't you think?

What do you mean?

You don't have any friends from high school.

[chuckles]

Who's your longest friend?

Karen Dennis.

Never heard of her.

Kar... Karen Dennis.

Yeah, I heard you. I don't know her.

Just get to work.

Maybe she was a camp friend.

It's Karen f*cking Dennis!

I heard you.

[mellow music]

♪ ♪

Jesus, come on. Aw.

[grunts]

The couch in the hallway.

[scoffs] So ugly, right?

No, why is it there?

Jennifer I think. She's still remodeling.

Unbelievable.

How many... how many friends do you have?

I'm not on Facebook anymore. Instagram, 13,000.

No.

Zendaya reposted one of my videos, so that helped.

Okay, never mind.

Well, what's your handle? I'll add you.

No, I'm not on Instagram.

What?

Give me your phone.

Yes, your phone. This is so crazy.

You're like one of those Australian bush people who's never seen an airplane before.

Why would I even need Instagram?

So you can follow models and actors and see everything that they do.

Why would I care about that?

[laughs] You're hilarious.

Oh. Okay, so you're all set up.

Who do you want to follow?

Laura, Alex.

Already added. Who else?

I don't know.

This is so much more fun if you follow people.

Karen Dennis.

Is she in your contacts?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Now you follow her too.

She's a good friend of mine.

Ahem.

Yes?

No phones during the test.

It's an essay.

It's cheating.

Cheating implies an unfair advantage, which this isn't. Everyone has a phone.

They've practically gained limb status.

What if you're somewhere where you can't use your phone or the Internet?

What, like China?

I'm starting to question your enthusiasm.

I was more enthusiastic when I thought this was gonna take two days a week.

You know, these classes are important.

Are they? We'll have an automated work force by the time I'm what, 30? 35?

You think these classes are gonna help me land a job in quality control at the sex robot factory?

[doorbell ringing]

You have an awfully specific view of the future.

Alex Cole?

Yup.

Sign here.

Who's it from?

Uh, Paul Schmidt at "Snooker."

What if I paid you $20 to throw it out?

That would be mail fraud.

It's five years in prison and a $250,000 fine.

Fine.

Okay.

What's that?

I don't know.

I know one way you could find out.

It's strange. Like, in the past few weeks we've gotten so much closer.

Last we spoke, you were thinking about leaving.

Yeah. Yeah.

Did something change?

Well, she's been a lot more tender.

Maybe she feels guilty.

Why would she feel guilty?

You know, 'cause... 'cause of my arm.

Yeah, I don't think you ever told me how that happened.

Oh, no?

Mm-hmm.

So, she tripped on a stairwell, and I tried to grab her, and then I was the one who ended up falling.

[chuckles]

It was just this crazy, freak accident.

You fell down the stairs?

Yeah. The doctor said I'm lucky it wasn't worse.

Anyway, Lauren has been so... attentive.

I can't imagine doing this without her.

Anthony, I hesitate to even ask this.

So you think she meant for you to fall?

What? [laughs]

No.

Because that would be crazy, and she's not crazy.

She's intense, yeah, and a little overbearing, but she... she's not... crazy.

[phone alert chimes]

[phone buzzing]

Excuse me.

This is Karen.

Karen, hi. It's Valerie.

Am I not in your phone? [laughs]

Oh, yeah, no. Yeah, you are.

Hi, Valerie.

Hi. Um, you followed me on Instagram.

Yeah.

How are you?

Um, I'm good. I'm good.

I was actually just thinking about you.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it was at The Grove, and there was this couple there just, like, screaming at each other.

Anyway, how are you?

I'm great.

Great, well, it's good to hear your voice, but I should probably get going.

I was actually gonna say, I... you know, I think we should get the group together for dinner or something, you know.

[laughs]

Yeah.

I mean, wouldn't that be fun?

So fun.

Yeah.

Are you free tonight?

Oh.

You know... you know Theresa and Nikki are throwing that party for Diane.

Who's Diane?

You know Diane.

No, I don't think so.

Oh, well, you'd love her. [mouthing words]

Okay.

You could... you could come by, you know, if you wanted.

No, no, no, I don't want to impose.

Oh, yeah, yeah, no pressure.

We're just gonna be having drinks after 10:00 at Maderas.

Oh, okay.

Anyway, I should really get going.

It's so great talking to you.

Yeah, it's great... it's... you too.

Okay.

Okay, bye.

Huh.

Well, I haven't opened it, so technically I don't have it.

You signed for it.

f*ck.

Uh... you should give this to a proper contracts lawyer.

Thought you went to law school.

Ten years ago, and I never practiced.

Why not?

My father was a lawyer, so was his father.

It was something that I should have loved but didn't.

Was he upset? Your dad?

I think he was envious.

But mostly drunk.

Hmm.

Well, it looks like you're being asked to sell a stake in Snooger to JME Capital.

They'll take over operations and budgeting and income flow, that sort of thing.

I don't know what any of that means.

Oh, how do I put this in your terms?

They're breaking up with you.

They're dumping me?

Who invented seed drill?

Jethro Tull.

Don't help her.

What's she doing?

The "New York Times" crossword, it's part of her curriculum.

How much are they paying me?

Not much.

Can I buy a boat?

No.

A small boat?

A Verdi play based on a Dumas novel?

"La Traviata."

Leon, don't.

[phone alert chimes]

Ah, finished.

Well, that was pointless.

I'm preparing you for the real word.

Knowledge is power.

See? Listen to the words of Albert Einstein.

I thought that was Thomas Jefferson.

Francis Bacon.

It's commonly misattributed.

Leon, you know everything.

[Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time"]

♪ ♪
♪ Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick ♪
♪ And think of you ♪
♪ Caught up in circles confusion Is nothing new ♪
♪ Flashback warm nights ♪
♪ Almost left behind ♪
♪ Suitcases of memories ♪

♪ Time after ♪
♪ Sometimes you picture me ♪
♪ I'm walking too far ahead ♪
♪ You're calling to me ♪
♪ I can't hear What you've said ♪
♪ Then you say go slow ♪
♪ I fall behind ♪
♪ The second hand unwinds ♪
♪ If you're lost you can look and you will find me ♪
♪ Time after time ♪
♪ If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting ♪
♪ Time after time ♪
♪ If you're lost you can look and you will find me ♪

[song fades out]

You realize I'm not 21, right?

[scoffs] But you have a fake ID.

No.

Seriously? You're 16.

I don't even have a driver's license.

sh*t.

I mean, that's crazy, but okay, be cool.

Yo.

Yo, Jacko, how's it looking?

UCLA girls are back.

Good.

They with you?

m*rder*r's row, baby.

[pop music]

♪ ♪

Oh, my God. Valerie.

Sorry, hi.

Hi!

Oh, my gosh, you're here.

I-I saw your Instagram, so.

Um, yeah, the...

Diane.

Hi.

Oh, hey. Yeah.

I'll get you...

I'll get you a chair.

Hi.

Yeah.

Oh.

Yeah, thanks.

Thank you.

I... sorry, hi.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi, I'm Diane.

Nice to meet you.

Sorry, I didn't realize it was a dinner party... a birthday dinner party. Thanks.

That's okay. I've heard a lot about you.

It's good to put a face to a name.

Val, you look great.

Thank... you too.

Yeah, your hair looks... did you... did you cut it?

No, it's the same old.

Huh. Well, it looks new.

No, it's full.

So, uh... ev... everyone's here, huh?

[nervous laughter]

Yeah.

Diane always draws a crowd.

Oh, hey, Drew.

Val.

Uh...

Drew.

This is a surprise.

Yeah, sure is.

I'm-I'm gonna go sit down.

Okay.

[pop music playing]

♪ It goes ooh ♪
♪ Yeah, it goes ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Why am I taken ♪

[music turns down low]

All right, welcome, welcome.

I'm Big Dean, I'm your resident emcee here for the evening.

We got ten questions per category, ten categories in all.

And make sure to write your team name at the top of the answer sheet.

You guys know what you're doing, right?

[cheers and applause]

Right.

Quite the field trip.

This place used to be great.

There were all these old weirdos with beards and stories, and shuffleboard. Then these guys showed up.

Well, I'm sorry their irony is ruining your irony.

Just wait, you'll see.

Y'all hear me all right?

All right, first category is Popular Music.

Question one... Tom Rowlands and Ed Simons are better known by this stage name.

You know it?

No.

Great, terrible start. Look at this sh*t.

They're cheating.

Okay, see, this is what we're up against... the machine, the singularity.

But we are gonna prove that the human mind cannot be b*at, that the human spirit reigns supreme.

Question two... who's the second season winner on "American Idol"?

Anything?

I was three.

Aw, f*ck!

Chemical Brothers for number one, and Ruben Studdard for number two.

Leon!

This.

[laughs] God! "Sommersby."

You... where did you even get this?

You don't want to know.

Oh, no, I don't.

[both laughing]

Thank you. I love it.

Uh, okay.

[chuckles]

I try to be. Yeah.

Thank you.

Uh... how many kids do you have?

Just one, she's seven. Or eight, we're not sure.

Diane sponsors an orphan in Cambodia.

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

[coughs]

That's... that's so interesting.

That's interesting.

Yeah, with overpopulation, it just felt like the responsible choice.

Not that I have any problem with people having their own children, it's just... you know.

Right. How about adoption?

The right people never really get approved.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Never heard that before.

Well, it's overly political.

I just feel like the fate of a child shouldn't be in the hands of a bureaucrat. That's insane.

Is it?

Mm-hmm, it's inhuman.

Um... okay.

Not everybody's fit to be a parent.

No, I think we agree there.

Mm.

So you have a daughter?

Me? Yeah.

I heard she ran into a little trouble at school.

She's fine.

Okay. I'm so glad.

[pop music]

And then you realize you've been working for six years on something and you are nowhere near where you thought you'd be.

Wait, what do you do, Leon?

Capitol of New Guinea?

Port Moresby.

I compose music.

Hm.

And I love it, but... sometimes I think I should've done something else entirely.

"Ka-tar"? Qatar?

Doha.

Okay, if you could go back and be 16 again, what would you do differently?

Hm.

I would've seen Oasis at Hyde Park, and I would've told Samantha Cunningham I liked her crooked teeth.

Done. Yes!

Ten out of ten. We are in this, people.

Fill that up, please, Leon.

♪ ♪
♪ Friend you now ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I can't take it ♪

[mellow pop music playing]

Hey. You ever seen "Terminator"?

What?

"Terminator," have you seen it?

Yeah, why?

The machines lose.

♪ Two way stories try ♪

[laughs]

[indistinct chatter]

Right.

[chuckles] Where is that?

Well, it's a little place...

Hey, what are you doing?

I think I'm going to see the inside of a dorm room.

No, Leon, she's only trying to distract you.

It's working quite well.

She's not gonna take you home.

She'll get you outside long enough for her friends to win Trivia, and then she'll leave on her boyfriend's motorcycle.

That's not the vibe I'm getting.

Okay, where's Laura?

I think she's playing darts.

Oh, come on!

How about a summer program?

Totally. Cheap credits and fall athletes.

You should try it.

Let's go. It's the last round.

Um, I was actually thinking I would just hang here.

Doing what?

Darts.

You really want to let Leon down?

I'm unconcerned.

Oh, man.

Just come on.

Come on!

♪ ♪

[smooth electronic music playing]

♪ ♪

Could've told me you commandeered all our friends.

There was no commandeering here.

Oh, really? 'Cause we split everything else in half.

They reached out to me.

Mm.

I bet you loved that.

Am I not likeable?

[scoffs] They like you.

You can be a little blunt sometimes and sometimes you won't let things go.

Sponsoring a child is not parenting.

No, but you don't have to be the one to tell her that.

Why "Sommersby"?

Ugh.

Eh, we had this competition to see who could do the best Jodie Foster in her worst movie, and mine was "Sommersby."

Do it.

[clears throat]

[Southern accent] You are not my husband.

How do you know?

Because I never loved him the way that I love you.

[laughs]

[laughs]

Huh.

Number eight, Seth Green, Michelle Trachtenberg, and Charisma Carpenter.

"Party of Five."

Nice.

Number nine, Laura Prepon, Jason Biggs, Uzo Aduba.

"That '70s Show."

The last one, number ten.

Elizabeth Hurley, Billy Baldwin, Chace Crawford.

"Treme."

"Treme."

What?

No, I watched "Treme."

I don't remember Elizabeth Hurley.

Are you thinking perhaps of Steve Zahn?

Oh, yeah, that must have been it.

What the f*ck, Laura?

It's trivia, by definition trivial.

No, this is part of your lesson plan.

Well, let's just call it what it is.

You're co-opting my education as a procrastination tool.

I-I thought we were in this together.

I'm gonna go play darts.

You gotta be f*cking kidding me.

"Gossip Girl."

[mellow music]

Elizabeth Hurley, Billy Baldwin, and Chace Crawford.

♪ ♪

Hey.

How was the... the first day of school?

Uh, illuminating.

That's weird. Was it fun?

It was okay.

I just... you know, I want you to just have friends and... do all the stupid things you're supposed to do in high school.

How was your party?

Oh, it was... it was horrible.

Your dad says hi.

Dad?

Yeah.

He kept all our friends and they replaced me with this awful woman and her fake child, but he seems good.

I'm sorry.

Nah, that's me, replaceable.

Alex hasn't replaced you.

I'm okay.

Good night, Mom.

Good night, Laura.

[pleasant music]

♪ ♪

Sorry about last night.

It's all right.

[clears throat] Let's just maybe... let's maybe just stick to the core curriculum from now on... math, science, English lit., and if you choose to take an elective, I can be there.

I heard a lot of homeschool kids are in co-ops.

Hmm.

Like, group schools where they can be with other people their own age.

Might be a good compromise.

Cool, so they'd, like, have me be one of the teachers there?

Well, no, they pool their money and hire professionals.

Oh.

So like regular school.

Yeah, something like that.

I could drop you off.

Hey, Val.

Have a good day at work.

You too, Alex.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[elevator bell dings]

[grunts]

Oh, it's impossible. I tried.

I'm sorry about all of this.

I really made a hell of a first impression.

I hope it hasn't been too awful.

No, it's fine.

It's just a couch.

You can be honest.

Okay.

This is insane.

I have to climb over this thing every f*cking morning to go to the bathroom.

I'm sorry.

I have a client who's got a broken arm.

I have no idea how he does it.

His girlfriend threw him down the stairs.

I mean, he doesn't, for some reason, understand that, but... [laughs]

[laughs] I'm sorry.

[both laughing] Okay. Um...

I'm-I'm really sorry. I'm Jennifer.

I'm Valerie.

Can I take you to lunch to make up for this?

Um, yeah, sure. That'd be... nice.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Great.

Okay.

Okay.

Here we go.

Okay.

Let's do this.

All right, let's go.

Oh.

Nope, sorry.

I'm not sorry, just after you.

Are you sure?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, okay.

[clears throat]

I got this.

It's fine.

Felt hard to me.

Have a great day.

You too,.

[Funkadelic's "Can You Get to That?"]

♪ ♪

♪ I once had a life or rather Life had me ♪
♪ I was one among many ♪
♪ Or at least I seemed to be ♪
♪ Well, I read an old quotation in a book just yesterday ♪
♪ Said, "Gonna reap just what you sow ♪
♪ The debts you make you have to pay" ♪
♪ Can you get to that? ♪
♪ Can you get ♪ - ♪ I wanna know ♪
♪ I want to know if you can get to that ♪
♪ Hey! Get to that ♪
♪ Can you get ♪ - ♪ I wanna know ♪
♪ I want to know if you can get to that ♪
♪ I recollect a-with mixed emotions ♪

[music fades out]