01x21 - Inhuman Touch

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Guardians of the Galaxy". Aired: September 2015 to June 2019.*
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"Guardians of the Galaxy" picks up where the film left off and they patrol the universe protecting it from various villains that thr*aten it.
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01x21 - Inhuman Touch

Post by bunniefuu »

Rocket: Quill. Quill!

[GROWLS]

Snap out of it!

Gamora: You're flying us into a white hole!

Rocket: What Gamora's trying to tell you is all the junk from some black hole somewhere is getting dumped out here,
on top of us!

Relax, Rocket. I totally got this.

See? Everything's under control.

Drax: Including that ship with which we are about to collide?

Okay, everything will be under control very shortly!

[ENGINE REVVING]

Ha! Can't collide with a ship if you go through it!

[SHIP SCRAPING]

[CLANGS]

I am Groot!

Nah, sounds more like a hull breach, a cut fuel line, and some blown power couplings.

That is oddly specific.

Gamora: Okay, Quill, you got us into this thing. How you gonna get us out?

If you can't find a door, make one!

Another awesome escape by the one and only Star-Lord!

But did you not put us into the situation you escaped us from?

Still counts, Drax!

Come on, when have I ever steered you wrong?

[ALARM BEEPING]

Uh... [GROAN] How about now?

Rocket: Black Bolt, King of the Inhumans.

Is he opening his mouth?

That would be bad.

His voice is capable of destroying a Kree Warship.

Oh, we're best buds! He wouldn't...

He would. He is.

He's opening his krutacking mouth!

Stop!

I am Groot!

Peter: Friends don't blow up friends!

We're still alive?

There's some kind of force field around us.

Medusa: Greetings, Guardians of the Galaxy.

On behalf of my husband, King Black Bolt of the Inhumans, I welcome you once more to the city of Attilan.


Quill...

What? We need more info on the Cosmic Seed! I set up a meeting!

In the most dangerous sector for a hundred parsecs?

Well, I had to make sure we weren't followed. A'doy.

[CHARGING UP]

[ENGINE BOOMS]

Gamora: Rocket, tell me you can fix this!

Yeah, in about a week!

Peter: Uh, Medusa, hi.

We're having a little engine trouble up here.

Medusa: Fear not, Peter Quill.


The entire Royal Family is at your disposal.

Crystal...

I have them, sister.

[ALL GRUNTING]

[BARKS]

Karnak, slow down that ship!

As you wish, Queen Medusa.

[YELLS]

[GRUNTS]

Gorgon: Allow me, cousin. [ROARS]

Not subtle, Gorgon, but effective.

Ya gotta admit, we know how to make an entrance.

Whoa!

And who might this lovely young Inhuman be?

Please allow me to introduce myself.

You can call me Star-L... Oh! Get off!


[LAUGHING] Oh, that tickles!

[WIRES CRACKLING]

Karnak: Friend Rocket, Gorgon and I offer our assistance.

[GRUMBLING] Ain't ya done enough damage, Karnak?

There were weaknesses in the metal. They would have broken eventually.

I sense more stress points along the hull. Here, here, and here.

[GRUNTS]

Rocket: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay, I get it!


[GRUNTS] He is correct. The metal is weak.

Why don't we go over the ship's systems together?

I can detect the weakness in anything. Or anyone. [SIGHS]

Drax the Destroyer has no weakness.

Is that so?

[GRUNTING]

Most impressive. But mark me well, Guardian, I will find your weakness before you leave Attilan.

Peter: So, Crystal, you and I have so much in common.

We're both from Earth, we both harness the elements, we're both royalty. Did I mention I'm a prince now?

[YELLS] Several times.

Is he like this with all women?

Usually, he's worse.

Peter: Ow...

[WHINES] I am Groot. I am Groot!

[PANTING]

[SIGHS] I am Groot.

My husband, the King, would know the reason you requested this audience, Peter Quill.

Well, I've been having... visions.

Like, the Cosmic Seed is talking to me.

A-And I think I know where it is, only...

I gotta be sure.

We sympathize, but what does any of this have to do with us?

I keep thinking about the last thing your brother said before you slapped that brain-box on him.

Foiled by the great Star-Lord, who can't find what he seeks with a map and both hands!

The further he goes, the farther away he gets!

[LAUGHS]

[GRUNTS]


I think Maximus knows where the Seed is.

So, I want to release him from the mind control device and ask.

I am Groot!

That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard!

Silence! I speak for Black Bolt, sovereign ruler of the Inhumans, when I say... that is an unbelievably foolish idea.

I want to hear it from the King himself.

Okay, now that's the stupidest idea I've ever heard.

Nobody ever thought of this before? Seriously?

And can I just point out that we did save your entire kingdom from a plague.

So, that's a yes, then?

You're gonna do it? Great. Dude, next time, you can just give me one of these, okay?

Medusa: You will have exactly five minutes with the prisoner, no more.

You will have no physical contact with the prisoner.

Do not give anything to or accept anything from the prisoner.

Is that clear?

Peter: Crystal.

I mean, not your sister Crys... [STUTTERS]

You know what I mean.

Is it the Feast of Nestor already?

I do so love our family get-togethers.

Spare us your inane prattle, Maximus. We are here because...

I know why you're here, and I have the answers you seek, but my wisdom is for the Star-Lord's ears only.

We have no intention of leaving you alone with...

It's okay. You guys can go. Trust me.

Very well. But we will be just outside with a full complement of guards.

Okay. I'm listening.

I know what you're looking for.

And I know where it is, but I can't exactly tell you how to get there.

I need to draw you a map.

Come, now. How much damage could I possibly do with a pencil?

Right. Duh!

Actually, it's surprising how much damage I can do.

[GASPS]

[CITIZENS CHATTERING]

[SONAR PINGING]

[BARKS]

I don't know how or why, but this has to be Quill's fault!

Ah!

It was just a pencil!

Oh, flarg, seriously?

"Flarg," indeed, Star-Lord, for they, like all of the Inhumans, are now under my control! [LAUGHS]

Guys, it's about to get ugly!

Drax: Why are the Inhumans behaving so strangely?

Gamora: I'm gonna go with glowing eyes are never a good thing.


[GROWLS]

Forget the eyes. That weird noise is messing with their heads!

[YELLS]

[GRUNTING]

Rocket: Ow! Stop it, you krutacking ox!

[GRUNTING]

[BARKS]
Rocket: Where were you, man? I could've used some backup!

Uh, I am Groot.

I told you, Drax the Destroyer has no weak spot!

[GRUNTING]

Drax's energy axe, not so much!

[GRUNTING]

Guys! Little help here?

Quill, what did you do?!

Maximus is controlling them with his brain helmet which is totally not my fault!

[YELLS]

[GRUNTS]

Enough talk! I say we use force!

None of this would have happened if Quill hadn't dragged us here in the first place!

We've gotta talk to them, try to break the mind control.

Maybe, you know, convince one of them to go on a date with me.

None of this would've happened if you would've let me trash that stupid helmet the last time we came here!

Clearly, somebody else needs to take charge. [BARKS]

[BARKS]

[GRUNTING]

I figure the signal is coming from that tower over there.

You guys keep these royal pains busy while me and Groot take out the tower.

You keep them busy while Drax and I go after Maximus!

Wha... You guys think it's so easy leading this crew?

Well, you go right ahead!

Rocket and Gamora: Fine!

Well, guess I had that coming. Huh?

And apparently I have this coming, too.

[SIGHS]

We need to use stealth. If Maximus knows we're coming, he'll call in mind-controlled reinforcements.

Then we must use the element of surprise.

[GROWLING]

[GRUNTING]

Drax, stop! It's a trap!

He's a hologram! You just triggered a chain reaction.

I am Groot.

No, we're not gonna blow it up.

We're guests here! Have some class.

Alls I gotta do is go up there and mess with the signal a little.

Hmm. If I mix in an inverted version of the signal, it should cancel out.

[PINGING INTENSIFIES]

[ALL SCREAMING]

I am Groot.

You're right, bud.

Never go against my impulse to blow stuff up.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

I am fine, my love.

And free from Maximus' control.

[LOCKJAW WHIMPERING]

Aw, Lockjaw!

His keen hearing must have made him especially vulnerable.

[WHIMPERS]

[PETER GROANS]

I'm okay too, if anybody's wondering. [GROANS]

[DRAX YELLS]

She will recover. She is very resilient.

Ahem. You're welcome.

[RUMBLING]

[BOTH YELL]

Okay, that was not me.

Maximus: No, that would be me.

Maximus! He's in the Royal Palace!

The time has come to make some changes to our fair city.

I, Maximus the Magnificent, have repurposed the Attilan defense system with the power of Terrigen crystals.

Not for evolution, but for revolution!

Behold, the Terrigen cannon!

Humans rejected us. Our creators rejected us.

But when we obliterate the nearest inhabited planet, the galaxy will fear us!

It is the dawn of a new age for our people!

Terrigenesis shall become Terri-pocalypse!

Rocket: What is the nearest inhabited planet, anyway?


Just in case I got any friends there. Or enemies.

It doesn't matter, 'cause we're not gonna let that loon blow it up.

We need two teams.

One to take out the cannon and one to go after Maximus.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on, Sparky.

You just said you weren't our leader no more.

And no one gives orders to King Black Bolt!

My husband will lead the as*ault on the palace, while Quill leads a team to the cannon.

Yes!

Whoa, hey, what's your hurry?

You, uh, sure you don't wanna be on my team, Crystal?

I'll trade Groot for you.

Whoa!

[PETER GRUNTS]

[GROANS] Oh, yeah, should've seen that coming...

Retrokinetic. Good luck getting through that.

The harder you push... [GRUNTS] ...the harder it pushes back. Huh?

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS] That is the weakest point, but it is still unassailable.

[GRUNTS]

Mmm.

Why didn't you tell me you could do that in the first place?

I am Groot.

Nobody likes a showoff.

I'll look for the controls. Maybe I can find the off switch.

I can sense a structural weakness. There's only one problem.

The flaw is inside the cannon.

[GROANS]

Crystal: We've got to be careful from here on.

Maximus has probably engaged all of the palace's defenses.

[GASPS]

Drax: Your supposition is correct!

Black Bolt!

Incoming! [GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[YELLS]

[GROANS]

Maximus has done something to the drones!

Our powers have no effect!

Then let's try it without powers.

[YELLS]

My turn. [CRACKS KNUCKLES]

[GRUNTS]

Brute force. [LAUGHS]

Medusa: Karnak! Have you found the weak spot?

[GROANING] I can't quite reach!

I am Groot!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

I believe the phrase is "a hair closer."

[GRUNTS]

Your toys are no match for the might of Drax the Destroyer!

Please, brother, I beg of you! Don't destroy this console!

You'll shut down my beautiful cannon!

Computer: Terrigen cannon program locked. 60 seconds to fire.

59, 58, 57... [LAUGHING]


Oh, wait, it's the other way around!

If you destroy the console, it will be impossible to shut down my beautiful cannon!

[LAUGHING]

Computer: 26, 25... [GRUNTS]

We need to weaken the metal somehow. Perhaps subsonics, extremes of temperature.

Temperature! I can do temperature!

Computer: 18, 17, 16... [GRUNTS]

First we crank up the heat.

Computer: 14, 13...

Then we chill out.

That's it! It's working!

Computer: 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, [GRUNTS] 3, 2, 1... [YELLS]

[GASPS]

[SCREAMING]

[GROOT ROARING]

[GRUNTS]

Ah, you finally put that wind to good use, Crystal!

You guys catch Maximus?

We found him, but he tricked Black Bolt into destroying the cannon controls, and he got away.

So I guess even the best leaders make a little mistake now and then?

[SHIP ENGINE STARTING]

Gamora: Like leaving the keys in the ignition?

Peter: Hey! Maximus boosted my ride!

[MAXIMUS LAUGHING]

I'm just coming along so you don't make another mistake like blowing up my ship, for example.

It's the old smuggler's trick. Secret airlocks under the wings.

Stay back, or I swear, I'll steer this ship right into Attilan's main reactors!

In fact, why wait? It's a small price to pay for revenge.

[SHIP ENGINE REVVING]

[LAUGHING]

Okay. But whatever you do, don't hit the self-destruct button.

The one on the end. The big square one!

Right there! It'll destroy the ship,


Attilan, everything in this sector!

[LAUGHS] You mean this button?

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[SHOUTS] Huh?

[MAXIMUS GRUNTS]

[CITIZENS SCREAMING]

[GRUNTS]

Ha! Teamwork, baby!

[LAUGHING]

So this is my private number. Not a lot of people have it.

Call me anytime.

Or I could call you? Maybe?

Medusa: We're sorry you didn't find the information you were looking for.

Maximus can be... difficult.

I'm sorry I caused so much trouble.

Even if it mostly wasn't my fault.

You know, Peter Quill, it takes a true leader to admit his mistakes.

[BARKS]

I am Groot. [PANTING] I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot.

[SHIP ENGINE STARTING]

[BARKS]

[COMPUTERIZED BEEPING]

Weird. The nav computer is set for Earth!

So Maximus kept his word after all.

And I was right. The Cosmic Seed... is on Earth.

Earth?

Say what now?

All this time and I never went back.

And now I have to. But, I can't ask you guys to go with me.

If you want, I can drop you off on Knowhere, or Xandar...

No. I will go with you.

I am Groot.

Yeah. Me too.

Guess we're all with you, Quill.

'Cause you're our clueless leader.

Peter: You mean fearless.

Rocket: I know what I meant.
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