02x09 - Espionage

Episode transcripts for the 2015 TV show "UnREAL". Aired June 2015 - July 2018.*
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"UnREAL" centers on a young staff member on a hit dating show who does everything she can to help please the show's executive producer.
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02x09 - Espionage

Post by bunniefuu »

He's my producer.

You want to talk to me, you go through him.

Nice work. I guess that means you're my new Number Two.

You're smart. You're articulate.

I mean, you've got it all.

Where did that come from?

You know I have major daddy issues.

I think I may be falling in love with you.

And I want children.

You had your chance, and you blew it.

You're done.

They're blaming the whole sh**ting on you?

They blew up your career.

So, why do you care?

Because I'm a reporter.

That woman Mary who jumped off the roof last year... that was a m*rder.

Who's your source?

Jeremy.

I've got him on tape.

You want to work together?

This piece will be unstoppable.

I need you to walk us through it, step by step.

We lied. We covered it up, and they should have just arrested us, 'cause we k*lled her.

I-I need to tell you something.

This is not about the show.

It's about me and my mom... That I was r*ped by one of her patients at her house when I was 12.

And she blamed me because she was protecting her practice.

Come here.

I'm so sorry.

That's the truth.

No matter what anybody else says, we k*lled her.

[Voice distorts in reverse]

And also Quinn.

I mean, she's the one that told me not to say anything, you know, because everybody's always trying to shut me up.

[Voice distorts in reverse]

...no, but you know that I didn't even know about it.

[Voice distorts in reverse]

That's the truth.

[Voice distorts in reverse]

Oh, yeah.

We call the cops, like, all the time.

Coleman: Call the cops?

Yeah, we call them all the time.

[Voice distorts in reverse]

Quinn... I mean, she's the one that told me not to say anything, and so I listened to her, because she told me not to tell anybody.

[Rewinds]

Yeah, wow.

We should have called the police a lot sooner with Mary.

Hey.

[Rewinds]

Hey.

What is that?

What are you doing?

Um... this is our story.

It's not the car pullover or what the cops did, none of that.

It's this. "Everlasting."

The whole despicable culture... the deceit, the lies, back-stabbing, and cover-ups.

No. I-I... Coleman, I shouldn't have said any of this stuff.

Oh, my gosh. Rachel... No, you had to, because you're a good person, and... I... Listen, we have to erase this.

There's no erasing this, Rachel.

I need...

This isn't going anywhere.

I-I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna, like, take down the show.

I'm not doing that to Quinn.

Rachel.

No way. How do we do this?

Oh, my gosh. "To Quinn."

How do I... Um, how do I erase this?

It just amazes me how she just plays you, Rachel.

I guess after meeting your mother, I shouldn't be so surprised at this.

What do you mean by meeting my mother?

I didn't mean... I'm saying Quinn is smart.

Mm-hmm.

And she pretends to care about you, just a little bit here and there just 'cause she knows you need it, because you're human.

Rachel, what would she do if she actually cared about you?

She'd have you get the hell out of this place, because it's k*lling you.

Quinn is k*lling you.

You said it yourself right there... all roads lead back to her.

We have to expose her for who she is.

I just really don't think that we need to do anything, actually.

I disagree.

Coleman, it just feels like you're concerned about your career, which I understand...

I am.

But I'm here to tell you that you will get another job.

This is...

No, Rachel, you couldn't be more right.

I am so concerned about my career, because all this crazy sh*t...

She's gonna try and pin it on me, everything.

Mm-hmm.

But she's gonna try to pin it on you, too.

You don't see that? Oh, my gosh.

They k*lled someone, so they'll say you were crazy, you were in a mental institution, they'll say whatever...

They'll do whatever they have to do.

It's up to you, but we need evidence to take Quinn down.

It's your decision. You have to choose.

Is it gonna be you or Quinn?

If it's you, then you need to get back in with Quinn.

♪ ♪

Well, here we are.

I don't need to tell you what it means to have made it down to the Final Three.

Today Darius is gonna take each of you out on a date that he has chosen especially for you.

The stakes... could not be higher.

All right, that's a cut! Moving on.

That's a cut.

One take, that's it?

Graham.

"The stakes"...

You go save the girls from that nympho.

"The stakes could not be higher."

I'd rather sh**t myself.

Hey, I need to talk to you.

What's up, Big Money?

Listen, um, I know I'm supposed to pick Tiffany, but I'm...

No, no, no. Stop. Stop.

Don't think of it as "picking" Tiffany, think of it as securing a future for yourself with her father.

Pretty amazing future considering football's not really an option.

Jay! Shh! Damn it!

I get that, okay? You don't think I get that?

[Groans]

Tell the world, why don't you.

Look, I'm not humiliating Chantal on national television. I'm not doing it.

It won't happen, okay? She's a sweet girl.

She doesn't deserve that.

Okay, but Yael does?

Yael can handle herself.

Look, black women all over America are going to hate me if I cut Chantal for Tiffany.

Ah, well look at you for finally jumping on the race train.

Jay, seriously... Look, make this happen for me, okay?

Get Chantal to drop out and make it her own idea.

[Scoffs]

That way at least somebody can leave here with some dignity.

Okay. I got you. I got this.

I'm fine, really, all good. Thanks.

[Door opens]

It's all on here.

Jeremy just let loose about everything.

He's so pissed at them.

[Cellphone beeps]

Jeremy: They're murderers, and they kicked me off the set?

Who do they think they are?

[Scoffs]

T-they can't just do whatever they want...

This is great stuff.

So what next?

You just win "Everlasting."

Your editor was right... an exposé coming from this season's winner...

That's gonna blow things up.

Well done.

Hey! So, um... any tips for getting Darius interested?

Trust me, he's interested.

Oh, yeah?

When is he gonna start to show it?

You know I'm with Rachel, right?

[Indistinct conversations]

Sure, you are.

Coleman: Oh, God.

Till next time.

[Sighs]

John: Oh, come on.

I thought that went rather swimmingly.

'Cause you didn't have a cattle prod shoved up your vag*na.

Ah, but you took it like a champ.

Mm.

Now we just wait for Dr. Gupta to look over the ultrasound and get back to us.

It's concierge care. We'll have results in 24 hours.

You know, I'm just surprised that she didn't laugh me out of her office.

We've talked about this before. Age is just a number.

Remember... I'm a workaholic, okay?

And I love being a workaholic, and that is a recipe for raising a stripper.

Nope. Strippers... absent father. Next?

[Giggles]

Okay, what if our kid's a raging d*ck?

Nannies' problem.

Neglect that... We'll move to the next.

Ugh...

[Groans] Look... My car's almost here.

Mm.

Well, get to it, my little workaholic.

Mm.

Mwah.

Just make sure to keep that womb warm and dry.

Ew.

Cozy? I'm new at this.

Stop, okay?

Goodbye.

Goodbye. See you.

[Laughs] What?!

You never seen anyone kiss before?

[Indistinct radio chatter]

[Sighs]

What are you doing here?

You, uh, go to the doctor's office?

Oh, are you talking to me now?

Is that something we're doing?

Look, Quinn, I, um...

I want to go back to work.

Well, I appreciate that, but Jay has Darius covered.

He's my new Number Two, and Madison is covering the rest.

♪ ♪

Okay. Uh, well...

Come on, Rachel.

Why don't you just sit this one out?

You've had a rough couple of weeks.

I'm totally fine. Seriously.

I, um... I actually could use a little help.

Perfect. Madison could use some help.

Yeah, I, um... I need someone to steam Tiffany's outfit for her date.

Dream on, clueless. There is no way that I am going to take orders from a girl whose one claim to producing is how much of her boss she can keep in her mouth.

You know, I saw Coleman sneaking out of Yael's room this morning.

I wouldn't be surprised if there was a little boss-in-mouth action happening there.

A hot version of you is stealing your little boyfriend right out from under your nose.

So, who's clueless now?

♪ ♪

[Door opens]

[Indistinct conversations]

Okay. She's into you, and she's sexy.

She doesn't flaunt it. Just... just have fun.

Darius, you look really good.

It's great to see you.

Bitch, please.

Can I just talk to you for a second?

Yeah, sure, what's going...

She's got some huge balls.

So, why don't you tell me about Yael?

[Laughter]

Okay, what about her?

Why don't you tell me?

I'm very curious to hear what you have to say.

I have no idea what we're talking about right now.

Well, you want to just take it from the beginning?

There was you and then her in her room this morning.

Goldberg.

Huh?

I was doing my job.

Oh, actually, you don't have a job.

You're in TV jail.

Come with me.

What is it? What's the prob... Excuse me.

The crew doesn't know that, the girls don't know that.

They think I'm still the showrunner.

So, Yael's pissed she's not getting enough screen time.

She wants more one-on-one time with Darius, yada, yada, yada, it was...

Right.

And so, you're just like a shoulder for her to cry on?

Yeah, she got flirty, she made a pass at me, but I shut it down because I'm with you, 100%.

We're on the same team here.

Rachel.

Don't push away the one person here who actually cares about you.

Jay: Hey, girl.

Look... I know that must have been pretty rough for you last night.

It was humiliating, and I don't know why Darius would do that to me.

It wasn't fair.

Okay, look... Let me... Are you miked right now?

Just let me turn this off.

I'm always miked.

[Mike shuts off]

Listen... I'm really not supposed to do this, but Darius insisted.

He wanted me to tell you that he's picking Tiffany in the end.

Wait, what?!

Just keep it down.

So it's over?

Seriously, girl, because Quinn would m*rder me if she knew I told you.

Great. Great. So I'll be humiliated again.

No. No.

This show.

Honey, I don't want that for you, okay?

And Darius doesn't want that for you, either.

He likes you, Chantal.

He thinks you're an amazing woman, and he thinks you deserve to go out on your own terms.

I thought we had something. You know?

I know it sounds crazy [scoffs] but I really, really like him.

Chantal, honey, listen... Every season, runner-ups always say the same thing to me...

"I wish I would have asked to leave before I could get dumped."

Darius is giving you that opportunity.

[Scoffs]

Madison: Um, does anyone have eyes on Hot Rachel?

I need her in hair and make-up STAT.[/i]

Go for Rachel.

I'll take care of Hot Rachel.

Oh, um, thanks. Copy.

Happy to.

So, at the elimination ceremony, you'll tell Darius, and you'll tell the world, you really like him, you had such a wonderful time here, but you're just not in love with him.

[Voice breaking] So I just go home?

Listen, when you leave, you will be able to get any man you want.

Trust me.

If you were a dude, I would be all over this.

Okay?

Okay.

[Keys jangling]

[Yael speaks indistinctly]

Oh, excuse me. Can I borrow her for a minute?

Sure.

You look amazing.

Thank you, Rachel. Hey, how are you doing?

Oh, thank God, you're so sweet.

I'm actually doing really fine.

Yeah? Good.

Yeah, I am.

You know, Madison wants to get you in hair and make-up to prep for your date.

Oh!

Are you taking orders from Madison now?

[Laughs] Yeah, just doing my job, just doing my job.

Actually...

Huh?

You know what would be a huge help?

Huh?

Could you grab my dress for me, from my room, the blue one?

Y-yeah, I'd love to. The blue dress.

I will... I will be right back.

She's waiting for you.

Thank you. Thanks.

I'll be back in two.

♪ ♪

Chet: Well, well, well.

If it isn't Princess Grace herself.

Hey, classy move that was last night boning Darius.

[Clicks tongue]

Oh, I don't see how that's any of your business.

Actually, it's exactly my business.

We have a saying around here... sluts get cut.

Let me guess... If I had screwed, say, you, I wouldn't be a slut, now, would I?

I guess we'll never find out, will we?

I like Darius...

Mm-hmm.

And I intend to win.

And if that doesn't make you happy, I'm sorry, but that's the way it is.

[Door opens]

♪ ♪

Yael, hey. So, there's a flag on the play.

The costume assistant was steaming your blue dress, and she b*rned a hole in it.

Are you serious?

I'm serious.

Let me just be the first to apologize.

But, look, I did find this dress.

You know, it could be great.

White looks amazing on you... pop at sunset.

Yeah... I mean, I guess I don't have a choice.

You're... seriously? You're saving my life.

[Sarcastically] Yeah, thank you, Rachel!

I'm so sorry.

Thanks.

Okay, I've got a firm grip on the shaft.

Now you just have to whack it, okay?

I just whack it? That's what you want me to do?

You want me to whack it?

Look...

Or whack off. Please, something more exciting!

I mean, these two screwed last night, and now they're doing a commercial for Florida.

Well, these are the dates that Darius wanted, so...

So, I'm sorry, you were telling me what a suitor wants as if I would ever even care.

You're his producer, and you're supposed to be my Number Two.

So maybe that promotion was a little premature.

Jay: Let me remind you that you promoted me because I'm the one that brought Darius back.

Yeah, and you're the only one willing to be his little bitch.

I mean, if this is the best that you can do, then no wonder you only have only one girl left, in your year of black power, no less.

So, please, somebody get out there and help me out.

Pants him, light her hair on fire, anything!

I know you think Tiffany's a shoo-in, but I've still got two girls left, and one of them is black.

You can just calm down, Malcolm X, 'cause Chantal...

She's actually dropping out at the elimination ceremony.

Did you say something to her?

What did you say? You can't do that!

Well, I can and did, so you better hope Hot Rachel brings it, bitch, 'cause she's your only hope.

Tiffany: Oh, and go! It's... Oh!

[Water spraying]

Oh, my God![/i]

[Laughs] Yes!

Hold up.

[Laughs] Finally, somebody's getting wet!

Tiffany: Oh, my... Oh, my God! That's my... Please let...

Okay, come here, come here, come here, come here.

Cut it! Damn it!

Can somebody tell me what the hell happened, anybody?

No, nobody?

Put down those sprinklers.

Put down those sprinklers.

A bunch of idiots.

You good?

Yeah.

All right. I'll talk to you in a little bit, okay?

Wait! Hey. You know, we...

We really haven't gotten a chance to, you know, talk away from the cameras since last night.

You know what? Let me... Let me get out of these wet clothes, and then we can finish this, okay?

What's going on with you? Are you okay?

I-I thought we had a really nice time.

[Jostling]

Chet, did you seriously just turn the sprinklers on?

What are you, 12?

Hey, you heard Quinn. They have, like, zero chemistry.

Chet, their chemistry is not the issue.

And since when are you off Team Tiffany?

Uh, since I want to help the television show.

Oh, my God. You're screwing her.

I kissed her once.

Chet, seriously, you kissed her?!

That's so much worse! [Groans]

Last night might have been just a little too fast, okay?

I'm sorry I took advantage of you like that.

"Took advantage"?

Darius, no. You didn't.

You did not take advantage. You came back.

You came back and you saved me...

I did. because of... of...

I did.

How we feel about each other.

Right. I got to go.

I'll catch up with you later, okay?

Mm-hmm. Okay.

Quinn: I am serious, people.

I cannot sit through another date that blows a hot, dry wind through my vag*na.

Somebody get me excited. Madison.

Uh, excited vag*na... I can... I can do that.

[Sighs]

It's like watching Bambi stumble through the woods, huh?

What?

Let me entertain you.

Why?

Because I want back in.

I'm listening.

Okay, well, you need something that you can build an episode on, a moment that people will be talking about tomorrow.

Mm. I know that look.

Who's your target?

Yael.

Oh, Real Rachel versus Hot Rachel.

Go for it.

Thanks.

[Door opens]

[Sighs]

Rachel: Well, I just wanted to tell you that Darius found out that your favorite food is sashimi, right?

Yeah, and he ordered your favorite dish from your favorite restaurant.

Sushi Nishi-Ya?

Sushi Nishi-Ya, yellowtail, scallion, ponzu.

Oh, my God, really?

Yeah.

That is so sweet of him.

So sweet of him. Yeah.

Well, actually, I think he just wants something that you'll actually eat.

Hmm?

Do you know about Tiffany and her whole thing with the salads?

Oh, yeah... raw kale, 2 tablespoons of dressing on the side.

No, it's 1 tablespoon. Crazy, right?

Anyways, they had a date today. It was terrible.

He's just looking for someone he can eat with, be himself with, so work your magic.

The white dress... perfect.

Thank you, Rachel.

Anytime.

Okay, what's up with you?

What are you talking about?

You were way too happy, Rachel.

What is your sneaky, little ass up to?

Oh, I don't know.

I'm just, like, producing a TV show, Number Two.

Living the dream.

Cheers.

Cheers.

[Glasses clink]

To a wonderful evening.

To a first date.

Bad girl. You know, you shouldn't be up here.

[Sighs]

Yael gets dinner and dancing by the pool, and I get golf?

What is this, some kind of joke?

Well, Darius gets to pick the dates.

We should have done this well before now, seriously.

I mean, I've been trying to get your attention, but it's just the way the show is, you know?

Quinn: Well, that would get his attention.

And after last night... Darius should be on his knees begging me to be with him.

You're absolutely right.

Any guy in his right mind would give his left nut for a taste of you.

[Laughs]

[Yael moans]

Someone hasn't eaten in weeks.

You want a taste?

Yes, I do.

[Chuckles]

Do you, uh, want to get in on this?

I do not get down with the raw fish.

But I will get down on this chicken teriyaki.

Hmm. Got to say, I love the way you eat.

I spent some time in the south of France.


Eating there is a very sensual experience.

So...

Mm-hmm.

Rachel: I prepared a very special sauce.

Uh-oh.

And?

Keep watching.

Darius: Ah, look at your face! Look at your face![/i]

God, it's good to have you back.

So, what else did you do while you were France?

Oh, excuse me, got to run, Number Two.

Oh, no. You're back there.

Really?

Really.

[Moans]

[Silverware clinks]

Did you hear that?

Yeah.

[Laughing] Oh, my God! Stop!

[Laughs]

Ah shut up Graham.
Darius and Yael will share a sensuous dance as the sun sets.

[Romantic music plays]

After you.

Thank you.

Okay.

[Stomach rumbling]

I got you, I got you.

Need a hand?

Yes, I do.

[Laughs]

Thank you. May I?

What a beautiful evening in paradise.


Just give me a minute. Don't move, okay?

Okay. Oh, oh.

Be right back. Just need a quick minute.

We're taking five.

We're not gonna take five.

Sweetie, it's just gonna be a few minutes.

Sweetie, we have a few more seconds.

You look amazing. Here we go.

It's not that. I really have to use the restroom.

She looks distressed. Of mind and body.

We are really about to lose the light.

Can I have that cane back?

Okay. Yeah, okay.

Get ready, here we go...

Mostly body.

Why aren't they breaking for her?

I mean... Rachel, can you cut?

See, that's what you call "Commitment," people.

Here we go! Roll camera! Let's get that crane in.

Come on, guys.

Keep rolling, guys.

Keep rolling, guys.

Here we go!

Ready, and action!

Uh...

♪ The depths... ♪

Are you okay?

Mm-hmm.

♪ That you possess ♪

[Stomach growls]

Ooh! You have nails!

Oh, I'm sorry. [Giggles]

That girl needs to go.

Are you sure you're all right?

[Stomach growls]

Y-yeah, yeah. You look so handsome.

Thank you.

[Laughs nervously]

And you look so...

No, I can't. Oh, my God. No!

Oh, wait.

Oh, my God!

[Pounding on door]

Wait.

Does anyone have the key for this?!

Oh, my God! Somebody, please, just open up!

The door is locked?

Oh, my God!

Can someone unlock this, please? Does anybody have a key?

Unlock this now! Does anybody have the key?

Does anybody have...

Yael!

Oh, my God!

Yael!

Wait, I have...

No, no, no, no!

Darius, Darius, Darius, please!

Yael, let me try...

Please, Darius, Darius, please, go away.

Yael, I got you. Do the whole...

Just please, trust me, just go away!

[Farting]

Oh, my God!

[Gasps]

Oh, no.

Oh, sh*t!

Ohh!

[Weeping]

Yikes.

[Laughs]

No, she was my last hope!

That is what I'm talking about, people!

That is what you call drama! [Laughs]

Tablecloth, get me the tablecloth.

Coleman: What happened?

Danny, help me with the tablecloth!

[Laughs]

Hot Rachel just sh*t herself on national television.

Boom! Drop the mike!

[Laughs]

[Weeping] Please, please go away.

Why?

Yeah, so, um, maybe that white dress wasn't such a good idea, after all.

Yeah, can we get some, uh, baby wipes and maybe a hose for Hot Rachel? Thanks.

She needs a hose! She needs a hose!

[Laughing]

Wardrobe...

[Laughter]

Right, see? It's not just me.

Everybody's laughing. Come on.

Hats off. Hats off, Goldberg!

I don't even know what you're talking about.

I cannot even begin to tell you how nuts that was.

What are you talking about?

Rachel, that was actually insane.

You get that, right?

Darius wanted Yael for the final two, and you just had to destroy her, didn't you?

Wow, way to bum out our mood, Jay!

This isn't fantasy camp for football players, all right?

Never let your star run the show, Jay!

D., I am so sorry.

Jay, you said you had me.

I do. It's those two crazy b*tches out there.

Nah, 'cause this show is still making me look bad.

I mean, it's terrible what they did to that woman.

Is it true that you're planning on dropping out tonight?

[Zips bag]

Jay said Darius is gonna choose Tiffany, so...

Oh, Jay said?

You do realize that he's playing you, right?

He just wants you out of the way so his girl Tiffany can win.

He gets a cash bonus if she does.

And do you get a cash bonus if I win?

Damn straight.

And you get one if I make it to the final two?

Yeah, but it's not as big.

Well, it's big enough for you to not care if I get dumped on national television.

And, what, that's my bonus, right, ruin my reputation for forever?

No thanks.

Look, I am going to look ridiculous choosing Yael over Chantal.

No, Darius, no.

Look, I told you, I got you, okay?

Chantal agreed to bow out gracefully tonight.

It's gonna be fine, man.

And you're sure about this?

Yes.

It's gonna be perfect, actually, because now when you choose Tiffany, the whole world's gonna be on your side.

It's fine. Chill, okay?

I got you.

You better, Jay.

[Indistinct conversations]

If you're worried about your reputation, don't you think walking out now is gonna make you seem like even more of an entitled, prissy cock tease?

What?

I don't think that.

I don't. I really don't. It's all social media.

I forget that you guys don't get to see it.

That is not fair!

Just because I'm trying to stay classy in a room full of skanks, like...

I get that. I totally do.

It's just, you know, you're such a reserved kind of person.

I mean, maybe you're just too good for Darius anyways.

No! Darius is amazing.

Is that what he thinks?

I act like I'm too good for him?

No, um, it's just...

Tiffany... she really puts herself out there.

You know?

She's not afraid to show Darius how she feels.

But I don't want to make a fool out of myself again.

So don't. Look, if you truly, 100% committed... I mean, look at you.

It wouldn't even be a contest.

If you don't want to be a loser, then win.

It's been a long and stressful day here at "Everlasting."

"Stressful day."

What's he been doing, napping and whacking off?

Darius and Chantal try to find peace and love here in the hot tub.

Why does everything he say sound so creepy?

Let's be honest, everything is just a letdown ever since Shitgate.

[Laughs]

Oh, here comes Chantal.

She's just gonna fawn all over him with her virginal, dead-fiancéd self, again.

You know, I think she might surprise you tonight.

[Sighs]

I think she might surprise everyone tonight.

Darius, I've been doing a lot of thinking, about who I am, and who you are, and what I've been doing here at "Everlasting" and...

And what you had for breakfast, and why you wore this robe.

I have something I need to say to you.

Darius: Okay.[/i]

[Sighs]

♪ ♪

Oh! Girl is naked!

You're not hiding anymore.

Hey, hey... Eyes up here.

I mean, that is butt-naked!

Wow.

Mm. Wait a minute...

Who are you, and what have you done with Chantal?

Yeah, no sh*t.

Chantal: I think it's about time[/i] you got to know the real me.

Damn.

Penis grab! Yes!

Do we ever clean that thing?

Every time Graham gets out of it.

Ohh.

Look at that. She's in it to win it.

Great job, Madison.

You and Rachel really brought it tonight.

Good job.

That thing you pulled on Yael [Laughs] why have we never done that before?

You are a mad genius.

Come on, you're telling me your entire career you've never done that one?

Never, and now, like, I can't even imagine not doing it.

I mean, it might be the worst thing that we have ever done.

Well, we both know that's not true.

Oh, you have to let that go.

Mnh-mnh.

You don't ever think about Mary?

No. I like to sleep at night, okay?

You care too much.

Just like that one...

I mean, I just think it's really hard to live with what we did.

Okay, first of all, we didn't do anything, Shia did.

Mary was dead.

There was nothing that we could do to change that.

But we covered it up.

I cover things up all the time!

That's my job. I mean, do you really think that your whole car pullover stunt just went away like magic?

Poof! Buh-bye!

You were on probation for grand theft auto, remember?

You called in a false report of a stolen car, and you got a guy sh*t.

If it wasn't for me, you'd be in prison right now.

Prison. Behind bars.

How did you do that?

I have a lot of friends and a pile of cash.

You really think we need $100,000 "Greens" budget when we sh**t in Marin county where it rains every day?

Wow, I can't believe that you, uh, you did that for me.

That's the difference between you and I.

I limit the number of people that I care about to, like, two.

Hmm.

[Ringtone plays]

Speaking of one of them.

Booth booty?

Mm-hmm.

He's pulling up to the mansion, and he likes to text me about everything, from his, like, fancy, little watch-phone thing.

It's very corny.

Cute.

So, it's, like, real between the two of you?

[Sighs] Yeah.

You know what? We have got to go.

We have an elimination ceremony to prepare.

Mm! I don't wanna.

[Exhales sharply]

Welcome back, Goldberg.

I missed you.

It's much more entertaining when you're around.

It's good to be back.

Come on.

[Sighs]

Jay: So, what happened to "bowing out gracefully"?

Chantal: Oh, please.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Selling me out for a cash bonus, really?

Oh, no, no, no, honey. That is not how it went down.

I am trying to help you.

Okay, save it.

You underestimated me.

I'm not some airhead pageant girl.

I like Darius, but if he wants to cut me, he can do it himself on national television.

But I heard about what happened on Yael's date.

I like my chances.

[Giggling] Yeah.

I know. [Laughs]

Oh, what is happening here?

What is with these gold curtains?

Don't even get me started. Move.

Ohh...

Uh-oh, is someone still stinky?

Quinn: Oh, that is cold, Tiffany, cold!

[Laughs]

Let's get a wide sh*t.

What? What's that face?

Nothing.

Don't tell me you're having second thoughts about destroying Hot Rachel.

No second thoughts, no.

Okay. Good. All right.

Let's get this party started, people.

["Everlasting" theme plays]

Well, America, we are down to three...

Chantal, Tiffany, and Yael.

Who will Darius send home?

Stage is yours, Darius.

[Music stops]

[Sighs] Yael, I'm sorry.

Um, I just can't see us being together.

I understand.

Thank you for the past eight weeks.

I've learned so much.

I'll never forget my time here at "Everlasting."

No one will! No one will, Yael, because we are going to broadcast your crap-tastic diarrhea-fest on a loop until the day I die.

[Chuckles]

Thank you very much.

Poor Yael. Oh, well.

And then there were two.

Yeah, it kind of brings back a whole, new meaning to "Elimination Ceremony." [Laughs]

Okay, so, you thought about what I said?

Yeah, I thought a lot about what you said, and a lot about what we've done over the last couple of weeks, and I am just...

I'm not gonna take down the show.

I'm not gonna take down Quinn just because you need, like, some kind of project to jump-start your career and that's what this all...

No. That's not...

Yes, it is! I promise you, that's not what this is.

Rachel...

It's over, Coleman!

No, it's not over.

Yes, it is over!

This is about... This is about justice.

She has no remorse for the things she's done, and she admits as much.

Wha...

What are you talking about?

Quinn: I have a lot of friends and a pile of cash.[/i]

We, uh...

You really think we need $100,000 "Greens" budget?

How did you get that?

I know some hackers, and they taught me, so I tapped your phone, turned on the mike...

You tapped my phone?

Yes. I did this for...

You... Wait, excuse me... You tapped my phone?

Yes, I did. I knew it would be hard for you, and we need this kind of evidence.

I'm not gonna let you pay for her actions, I'm just not.

I started cutting this into our piece.

Uh-huh.

It plays so well.

This is all we need.

[Ringtone plays]

[Laughing]

Oh! Come on, come on!

This is it, Rachel.

This is it.

Okay. So, what do we do?

We just, like, take her down instead of me?

Yes!

Yes. Okay.

I told you right from the start...

You've outgrown her, you don't need her.

This...

Yeah.

This is our future, you and me.

And I found a place.

Yeah? And what kind of place?

It's for you to get healthy.

And you can work things out with a therapist who isn't your mother.

You just need to talk this stuff through.

You can finally just rest.

Oh, wow.

And just... just relax.

It's a residential program. A month to start...

[Voice breaking] I'm, like, so touched right now, and thank you so much, Coleman.

I'm, like, so sorry that I was, like, getting jealous and acting all crazy about Yael, I'm so sorry.

But you were just...

Don't, don't.

You were totally right.

You're, like, truly the only person that, like, actually cares about me.

I just want you to be happy and healthy and whole.

Mm-hmm.

You're gonna get better.

Mm.

You will.

And then we are gonna burn this place down.

Yes, we are.

And then we're gonna have the life that we both deserve.

Man: Rachel, we need you on set!

You know what?

Um, just give me, like, a few minutes before I head down there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm so sorry.

You're good.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Oh, my God.

What are you doing?

Getting out of here!

Yael... hey!

They are not gonna let you leave here till after the finale, so we ne...

Let 'em sue me! I don't care!

These people are insane! I'm not staying here!

Okay, no, no. Just take a breath, take a breath, 'cause I have everything we need to take them down, I do.

The stuff you gave me from Jeremy, I have Rachel back on board right now.

We are this close right now.

We're gonna make them pay for everything.

I am not safe here.

Did you see what they did to me?

Did you see what Rachel did?

Yeah. I'm sorry.

She poisoned me, Coleman!

There are cameras everywhere!

I just wanted to congratulate you on making the final two and give you this.

Oh, my goodness.

Ooh. [Chuckles]

That is one lucky piece of jewelry.

Mmm.

No, these... These women are damaged, crazy, lonely people.

They have to hurt other people and manipulate them to make themselves feel better.

No one will ever look at me the same way again.

Oh, my gosh, no.

[Weeps]

No, no, that's not true because you're beautiful, and you're smart, and you're a good person.

And you're sexy as hell.

We're gonna get them back.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

All ri... Yes, yes.

I am here. I am listening.

No, it's a... It's a great time.

It's a perfect time.

[Laughs]

I-I... Yes.

Yes, Doctor. I understand.

Yeah. I'm fine. Uh-huh.

Thank you.

[Cellphone beeps]

Quinn, what is it?

I never even wanted to have kids anyways.

[Sighs]

Look, whatever this thing is, we can manage it.

I have resources. There must be some...

There's something you can buy to fix it?

There isn't. It's over.

Quinn...

No, just go.

Okay, look, why don't we, uh...

Why don't we talk about this tomorrow?

That's not necessary.

Are you serious?

You don't even want to try to figure this thing out?

There is nothing to figure out, dumbass.

You want kids, and I can't have them.

So get the hell out of my life.

I don't really don't know who you are right now.

Well, I know who you are... a guy who gets everything he wants.

[Door opens]

And I won't be anybody's disappointment.

Quinn, please. Quinn!

I have work to do.

Are you really gonna let me walk away?

[Sniffles]

Yes.

[Breathing heavily]

Everybody, get out. Out!

Quinn, what is...

Get out! Now! Go! Faster!

Get out of here!! [Breathing heavily]

[Grunts]

[Glass shattering]

[Grunts]

Quinn?

You okay?

[Scoffs]

No one ever tells you when it's over.

No one ever shows up at your work and says, "Hey, this is it.

This is your last chance to have kids.

What do you think, Quinn?"

You want kids, Quinn?

I wanted a choice!!

[Voice breaking] I wanted a choice.

[Weeping]

I need you to get out of here.

You got to go, okay, while you still have time.

Just go, be with that douchebag Coleman.

I don't care. I just want you to be happy.

Quinn, listen to me.

Just don't get stuck here.

No, okay? Quinn...

I love you. I love you.

You're fired. Fired.

Coleman knows.

What?

A-about Mary... The payouts and the cover-ups and everything, and he's about to expose us.

I am so sorry, Quinn.

Listen, I was so wrong to trust him, but, Quinn, we... We really just right now, we really have to stop him.

Quinn, suck it up. I need you.

♪ ♪

We're taking that assh*le down.
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