02x10 - Reunion

[bunniefuu]

Woman: Previously, on "Casual"...

When did you guys start f*cking behind my back?

Behind your back?

Good luck with Spencer.

Hope he dies before you get bored with him too.

So, you, uh, took home the boss's wife?

It's so good to see you.

Yeah.

Are those my flip-flops?

Alex Cole? You've been served.

Leon: You're being sued for negligence.

Negligence?

And violating your company's morality clause.

Hike, trail, lake? Let's go.

Can we put the phone away? And join me here?

I have people who need me.

Your brother?

You want to run this company, you do it with me in tow.

Fine, you can hang around, watch me fire your employees.

Or you can sign. $65,000.

One year's salary for my personal assistant.

Woman: When you and Valerie moved in, what was Alex like?

I think he was happy.

He never encouraged you to get your own place?

Did he encourage you?

I just feel so lucky to be here.

[phone dialing]

Anyway, eventually I gave up, and I sat down, and they put the robe over me, and b*rned this really foul incense, and I looked up and there was a sea of people just bowing, and chanting, and...

And then that was it.

Ceremony was over.

I'm the Dalai Lama.

Wow.

And all I'm supposed to do until the day I die is guide and protect my people.

That's a lot of pressure.

Mm.

I started to have a panic att*ck and I woke up.

And is that the end of your Buddhist phase?

Two weeks later, I found out I was pregnant.

Really.

Mm.

f*ck me.

Eat that. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Right?

My inner fat kid is touching herself right now.

[laughing]

What are you eating? It looks delicious.

Oh, it's ricotta French toast.

It's as good as it looks.

Are you here for the reunion?

On the hills above the bay? Right?

♪ On the hills above the bay, on the... ♪

What? It's our song.

Why are you singing it?

'Cause I like it.

We're actually here on our honeymoon.

Woman: Oh! Congratulations!

Thank you.

Yeah, we just eloped.

See? People do it.

Let 'em enjoy their breakfast.

Honeymoon, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

[soft music]

God, that's good!

[laughs]

♪ ♪

[heavy breathing]

I was thinking about you on my run.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Cool.

I know you're down about Snooger.

But the Alex Cole that I know doesn't hide away from the world.

He makes things happen.

'Cause he's a fighter.

He likes to win.

Little too much?

No. It's very nice.

Yeah. Thank you.

I mean, do you remember that apartment that you had in West LA?

Oh, my God. It was a sh*thole.

[urinating]

And you had that horrible IT job?

And now you have a house in the hills, and a family that loves you.

I'd say you made it.

[toilet flushing]

Everything'll work out as it should.

Mm. Oh.

Okay.

Hey. Where's your mother?

It's been three days. Let her have her vacation.

Vacation? Who needs vacation when it's 75 and sunny here... oh, thank God.

Hey, heel. Those are for Spencer.

Sick Boy? Why is he not at home with his parents?

You're sick, I don't see you at home with your parents.

Because my sickness is emotional and socially accepted.

He has terminal cancer.

Well, let him spend his remaining days where he wants.

Can you at least tell me what hotel she's staying at?

I don't know, why don't you go knock on some doors?

Mm, this is fun for you, isn't it?

Just give her a call.

I talked to her like 20 minutes ago.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[phone dialing]

♪ ♪

Valerie: Hi, this is Valerie. I'm not here right now. Please leave a message.

[voicemail beeps]

God damn it.

Do it. Do it.

I will. I will!

Eh...

What, you think I won't?

I think you won't.

I'm going to.

Right.

Okay, just... follow my lead, okay?

Here, take my hand. Yeah.

Um, hi, there.

Sorry to bother you, um, we're guests of the hotel, and we're on our honeymoon.

[chuckles]

We actually just got married yesterday at the courthouse...

We don't support the marriage industrial complex.

Right, yeah, you won't find any... blood diamonds on these fingers.

Anyway, we heard that you have a honeymoon suite?

And... and we don't normally ask for special treatment...

You can stop now.

Okay.

12th floor.

Oh.

Congratulations on your marriage.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

[sighs]

"A Walk to Remember"?

Mm... "Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl"?

Or should we wait on "Earl"?

'Cause I heard that one might actually be good.

Ah, sh*t.

You just got sub-grammed.

Huh. Subtle.

Have you talked to her since the hospital?

What's there to talk about?

Okay. Here we go.

Get your tissues ready.

[peaceful music]

♪ ♪

I was supposed to be having lunch with my sister.

You have a sister?

Leon: I have three sisters.

Liza's the youngest.

Smart girl, but she's having trouble with her job.

Tell me about it.

Look at her.

She's been stretching all day.

Leon: That's a bad thing?

She's getting too comfortable.

Oh, I thought that's what you wanted.

No, I wanted to liberate her from a toxic relationship.

Which I did.

Well, where did you expect she'd go?

I don't know, Leon.

Not here.

I mean, did the Iraqis move in?

When we toppled S*ddam? No.

We freed them, and let them rebuild so they could make their own way.

That's not what happened.

[sighs]

Just feels like too much, too fast.

Why did she have to escalate?

She was cheating with you.

Yeah, and that worked for us. Now, it's just...

I don't know.

It's just different.

Are you still sleeping with her?

Leon.

Alex.

[sighs]

I want In-N-Out Burger.

Call the concierge.

They're not just gonna bring me In-N-Out.

That's exactly what he'll do.

Yes. Hi, there.

Um, if I wanted two double-double In-N-Out burgers, animal style, um...

Really? Really!

Yes, would love French fries. Thank you.

Oh, and, uh, two vanilla milkshakes.

Nice.

Thanks!

[laughs]

Hey.

Hi.

So, um, reconnecting with you has been so, um, unexpected.

Yeah.

And our physical connection is pretty undeniable.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah.

I was just wondering if maybe we could talk logistics?

Logist...

[phone dings]

sh*t.

What?

Oh, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.

What? What?

[deep breath] It's gonna be all right.

It's gonna be fine, right?

You and me together? Like, we can do this.

Sarah, what's going on?

Just please tell me you'll be here for me. I can't do this alone.

Okay.

[playful music]

♪ ♪

Mom. Hi.

Courtney.

Not good.

♪ ♪

You know what?

Huh?

I love our honeymoon.

[laughing]

Mmm.

Woman: Ugh, of course, the car was late, and by the time we got there it was a mad dash to the terminal.

It was one of those small planes, no first class.

The travel experience has been totally perverted.

f*cking unions.

And why are you here?

And where are you staying?

For support.

Okay, I have support. From Alex.

You got a hotel room? Airbnb? Something like that?

Just want to make sure you've thought this through, okay?

Alex is... Alex, but Jordan, I mean, he was good for you. And he was part of the family!

He was in "Forbes' 30 Under 30."

Okay.

It's a respected publication.

I'm familiar with "Forbes."

Can we not talk about Jordan?

All we're saying is, think about the long term.

You're past 30.

Pretty soon you're gonna be 35.

40.

Now you're just arbitrarily adding five to a number.

I can do that too. Watch.

50. 55. 60.

You can still fix this.

I appreciate your concern.

But this is where I'm meant to be.

Right?

Right.

Oh, Sarah. Come to your senses. Come back...

Excuse me. Leon? No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Find Valerie.

Start at the beach, work your way east, four and five-star hotels only.

Call me when you hit Sepulveda, okay?

No.

[music blaring from computer]

[sighs]

Oh, my God.

What? It's sad.

The dying kids made out in Anne Frank's house.

They eroticized the Holocaust.

Uh-huh.

And since when do middle names equal intimacy?

"Hazel Grace"? That's just cheap.

What's yours?

My middle name?

Mm-hmm.

It's Joanne.

Laura Jo.

Shut up.

God, these movies are so stupid.

Everyone falls in love in like 15 minutes.

Just like us.

The first time we talked, you gave me dr*gs.

And you loved it.

I just wish there was one movie that played it real.

You know? Give me awkwardness, and... vaginal agony, and the disposal of bloody sheets.

That could be hard to market.

Am I crazy?

Wasn't that your first time?

Uh, I remember less vaginal agony.

I just feel bad for the kids who think it's gonna be forever.

Like Augustus and Hazel Grace.

At least I was properly primed.

What do you mean?

I knew what to expect.

I have friends who didn't see a d*ck until high school.

Well, when did you see your first?

Uh... seventh grade?

I snuck out to a party and a sophomore jacked off on my tits.

[laughs] Still waiting for a movie version of that one.

Jesus.

What?

I was curious, and so was he.

Did you get anything out of it?

The value of getting off?

So you f*ck for the orgasm?

Well, yeah, that's the best part.

Okay.

What, because I'm a girl, I'm not supposed to admit that?

I know that's how dudes think about it.

Well, so do we.

You don't have to do that.

Be so cut off just to seem cool or whatever.

I'm not.

I like getting off too.

But I like the other part more.

You know, when you get someone, and they get you.

What, 'cause I'm a dude, I'm not supposed to admit that?

[phone ringing]

Ah, sh*t.

What?

My mom.

Hello?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Hey. Hey.

Hmm?

Wake up. I have an idea.

Hmm?

[folksy music]

Hi, there.

I don't know where she is.

Don't you run her calendar?

She's not micro-chipped.

I don't track her exact whereabouts.

Then what do you do?

What do you do?

Okay.

♪ ♪

[sighing]

♪ ♪

Hi.

I'm Alex. Valerie's brother.

Yeah. Hi.

You don't happen to know where she is, do you?

I thought she had a family emergency.

Yeah.

I'm her family, and I have an emergency.

[sighing]

Yeah, I took my meds.

Uh, no, I don't feel nauseous.

Okay.

Love you too.

Mom says I got to bounce.

Looks like our cry-a-thon is over.

So many tragic endings.

You're supposed to confirm things.

Business hours, lunch dates, friend requests?

Why wouldn't she confirm moving in with me?

Yeah, I confirm my appointments.

And my client list.

Exactly.

It's like she's willfully obtuse.

Maybe she didn't ask because you advocated she call off her engagement.

That's still a leap, to her moving in with me.

You've invited people into your home before when they were in crisis.

Yeah, those people leave at the first sign of trouble.

Is that what you think Val did?

Leave you in your moment of need?

I think she's hiding.

Pretending she's in some fairy-tale romance.

And who is this Jack guy, anyway?

He's like a Salinger character. Living in a hotel?

No. Real people don't do that.

Jack does.

She should know better.

He can be very persuasive.

[party music]

It's all good. Yeah. See, you just laugh.

You can point like you know people.

Um, all right.

Don't make real eye contact.

What story are we telling this time?

Doesn't matter. They're not gonna listen.

Look at these people. They're focused on themselves.

They're presenting that they've grown, they've evolved.

And you think they haven't?

If they had, would they be here?

And why are we?

'Cause.

It's fun to sample someone else's world.

Mm.

It's like a... it's like a John Hughes movie, but everybody's bald and sad.

We'll make it quick.

Honeymoon!

Oh, sh*t.

School song!

Are you crashing a high school reunion?

Oh!

Uh, well... we were.

Little bit.

Kind of lame, huh?

Right.

Yeah, I think we're gonna sneak out.

Take us with you, please.

["This Is How We Do It" by Montell Jordan playing]

After this song.

Just... just one.

Naturally.

Are you gonna?

You know what? Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

♪ ♪

Man: ♪ This is how we do it ♪

♪ ♪

Man: ♪ This is how we do it ♪
♪ It's Friday night ♪
♪ And I feel all right ♪
♪ The party's here on the west side ♪
♪ So I reach for my 40 and I turn it up ♪
♪ Designated driver, take the keys to my truck ♪
♪ Hit the shore 'cause I'm faded ♪
♪ The honeys in the street say Monty, yo, we made it ♪

Man: ♪ This is how we do it ♪

Man: ♪ G's got the flavor, yeah ♪

All: Cheers.

Thank God, they gave me two lectures about Botox while you were out.

Yeah. You'd think one would be enough.

How do you cook with these ingredients?

What?

It's the state taxes.

Food producers need to cut corners to stay competitive.

That's an incredible leap of logic.

If you ever went to Texas, you'd understand.

Yeah, I've been to Texas. It's a dump outside of Austin.

Austin is not Texas.

Yes, it is.

Austin is a city in Texas.

I think what Alex is trying to say is that while we've loved seeing you, it would be best if you headed back home tomorrow.

We're not leaving.

We've been talking to realtors.

There are some very interesting rental opportunities here.

We'll find you a place of your own.

Hmm, you know what? That's not a terrible idea.

Be good for you to have some space. If you wanted.

Woman: Finally, some reason.

Alex.

What?

I'm not going anywhere.

[rap music]

Let's go Titans!

Man: ♪ This is how we chill from '93 till ♪
♪ My black Timbs do me well ♪
♪ When I see a fool and he says he heard me tell ♪
♪ Another person's business, I cause dizziness ♪
♪ Until you stop acting like a silly bitch ♪
♪ Yo, crews are jealous 'cause we get props ♪
♪ The cops want to stop our fun, but the top ♪
♪ Is where we're dwelling, swelling fat, no sleep ♪
♪ I work fit and jerks get their hoes sweeped ♪
♪ Under their noses, this bro's quick ♪
♪ To hit blunts and flip once I'm chilling ♪
♪ 'Cause my crew's close, yeah ♪

[all shouting]

Yeah!

Holy sh*t!

That was... oh, my gosh.

[laughter]

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my God.

See you, Laura Jo.

That's not gonna become a thing.

Yeah, we'll see.

[laughs]

All right.

Help me.

Not now.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

How... how did you steal her away?

I threw a rager, and I got him so drunk, he passed out.

That's the oldest trick in the book... love it.

That's the best night of my life.

[chuckling]: Oh.

And the next day, I broke up with Eddie.

He's a day trader now.

Aw!

Eddie! [laughter]

He's going to town on that dance floor.

[laughter]

So, when did you realize you loved each other?

It... well, God, oh, us?

So many little moments, I think.

I knew our first date.

How... how do you know?

You know, actually, maybe second date, if you count my light stalking?

We snuck up to the roof of a hotel, and I asked her one of those trite questions you ask to sound deep and impressive.

What'd you ask?

What was the best minute of her life.

Most people go obvious.

Easy.

But she didn't.

She went to a dark place.

And she spun it into something life-affirming.

And in that minute, I knew her.

["Dreams" by the Cranberries playing]

And I knew I wanted to experience everything with her.

Woman: ♪ Don't hurt me ♪
♪ You're what I couldn't find ♪

That was sweet.

Making me look bad.

♪ ♪

Woman: ♪ A totally amazing mind ♪

Wait.

Woman: ♪ So understanding and so kind ♪

Woman: ♪ You're everything to me ♪

[laughing]

Ow! It's cold!

♪ ♪

Woman: ♪ Oh, my life ♪
♪ Is changing every day ♪
♪ In every possible way ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And oh, my dreams ♪
♪ It's never quite as it seems... ♪

[buzzing]

[sighs]

♪ ♪

[buzzing]

[computer beeping]

Laura Jo.

Stop!

How's your mom?

Drinking to forget. Yours?

I'd wager the same.

You know, we could finish our marathon if we got creative.

Two screens. One movie.

"Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl."

Aww, you miss me.

I do not!

[chuckles]

All right, yeah, give me a second to queue it up.

Okay.

[dramatic music]

_

♪ ♪

Laura. I'm... I'm here.

Are you okay?

What?

[moans] Yeah. I'm fine.

Why?

♪ ♪

You! Downstairs. Now!

♪ ♪

What?

How dare you text me from her phone.

You're her mom.

You don't just leave for three days.

Oh, don't pretend that this is about Laura.

You didn't listen to me, and now you've orchestrated a crisis like always!

How would you know?

You're too busy playing dress-up with your man-child.

Okay, Alex.

Okay. Okay.

What? You think... you think you're special? Hmm?

You think you mean something to him?

Oh, my gosh, you're sad.

You're just, like... you're just so sad.

This is what he does. The hotel? That's his spot.

He does that with everyone, Valerie.

He did it with your friend Jennifer.

So? What am I supposed to do?

Should I just watch while you let your ex-girlfriend set up f*cking shop in your living room?

No.

You're supposed to help me get her out!

I can't help you.

Not anymore.

You've done this to me for 30 years, and for some reason, I let you.

'Cause I thought it was a sibling duty or something.

But not this time.

This time, you can drown alone.

Sibling duty?

You help me?

Yeah.

I let you into my home, and you f*cked my girlfriend.

I loved Emmy.

I was really happy with her.

And you took that from me.

Who's Emmy?

[sad music]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

[heavy breathing]

Wait. It's okay.

[heavy breathing]

Okay. Okay.

[moaning]

Okay. Okay. Let's go.

Mm.

[heavy breathing]

I'm sorry. Um...

All of this just got totally out of hand.

And I, um, I should have said something sooner.

But now...

It's fascinating.

You think you're this man of the world.

This bastion of truth.

But you're just a self-absorbed boy who wants what he can't have.

You think that's original?

f*ck.

Ah, you're so obvious, and you're so afraid of anything real that you'd rather blow yourself up than let anyone else in.

[voice breaking]: Yeah.

You know, what you get in this life is exactly what you put out.

Which, for you, is nothing.

Oh, and you have creepy f*cking eyebrows.

Get some breakfast?

I should probably get home.

I'm out the next couple of weeks, but I'll give you a call when I get back?

Okay.

Woman: ♪ Do me a favor ♪
♪ Just keep me near ♪
♪ Don't you remember ♪
♪ When you said what I wanted to hear ♪
♪ I'm not so clever ♪
♪ But I know it's real ♪
♪ If I left without you ♪
♪ I don't know if I'd ever heal ♪
♪ Where are we now ♪
♪ You've got me thinking ♪
♪ Where are we now ♪
♪ ♪
♪ We're falling further ♪
♪ From our love ♪
♪ Don't you wait ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Don't you wait ♪
♪ From a distance ♪
♪ We stopped trying ♪
♪ Don't you wait ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Don't you wait ♪
♪ ♪

Valerie!

Woman: ♪ I've tried to be clear ♪
♪ I can be your friend ♪
♪ But that's not what you want to hear ♪
♪ I'm not your answer ♪
♪ In time you'll see ♪
♪ You have a future ♪
♪ Where you won't need to love me ♪
♪ I'm leaving now ♪
♪ Got to keep moving ♪
♪ I'm leaving now ♪
♪ ♪
♪ We're falling further ♪
♪ From our love ♪
♪ Don't you wait ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Don't you wait ♪
♪ ♪
♪ From a distance... ♪