01x09 - The Corporate Gig

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Roadies". Aired: June 2016 to August 2016.
"Roadies" is an insider’s look at the reckless, romantic, funny and often poignant lives of a committed group of "roadies," who live for music and the de facto family they’ve formed along the way. The music-infused ensemble comedy series chronicles the rock world through the eyes of music’s unsung heroes and puts the spotlight on the backstage workers who put the show on the road while touring the United States for a successful arena-level band.
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01x09 - The Corporate Gig

Post by bunniefuu »

Reg: Previously on Roadies...

Janine: Guess what?

You're about to find out what it's like on the other side of the fence.

I know where all the bodies are buried.

Bill: Christopher's drinking again.

Preston: And hanging by a f*cking thread.

Okay, you need to tell everybody who's gonna be hired to go on the European leg.

I just... I just assumed that everyone was going.

Sean's father just passed away.

Bill: We got a problem. Shelli's got to fly home.

I'll see you, okay?


The other day, I found this old hard drive from when I was 16, and I read this letter I wrote to myself.

Amazing piece of writing.

Of course it was. It was my hard drive.

Well, here.

You take it then.

It's awesome.

Harvey, I need you to be loyal to me right now.

Preston wants Tom to go solo.

I was brought in to break up the band.

Kelly Ann: "Today, I am 16.

Today, I become a person who will claim their life, who will make decisions instantly, who will never look back.

Today, I become the person who will be blazingly true in a world of violent bullshit.

Today, I promise myself as a person and as an artist I will never, ever sell out."

All right.

All right.

It's time to sell out.

It's our first f*cking corporate gig.

We'll do three songs.

The band will make a lot of money we'll never see.

Now, if you detect a bit of cynicism, it's because I knew men and women who wrote songs that actually changed the f*cking world without taking money from a rubber company.

Hear, hear!

And also, our corporate friends have invited us to a party after the set, and they respectfully asked that we wear something clean.

I only got, like, one clean thing.

Well, throw it on then.

All right.

All right, and as Jimi Hendrix once said while he was high as f*ck on acid:

"Stay groovy and stay free."



Puna: Hold on.

I've got something to share.

Last night, I had a dream.

A dream about a melting animal.

It will happen tonight.

All right.

Why don't you guys grab your key packets from the manager?

I'll see you in there.

You're gonna like your rooms.

They're good rooms. Okay.

Take it easy. It's okay.

Holy shit, Puna.

You've got to give me more.

I don't have any more.

Be careful.

♪ Your long distance got him in the way he did ♪
♪ ♪

What'd he just say?


Hey, this'll perk you up.

Fun Co supplies the synthetic rubber for Maureen Butler's latest active bra.



Weren't you and Maureen Butler an item once upon a night?

Yeah, about a million years ago, back when she was just a backup singer for Usher.

The thing is, Phil, there's... There's no need to mention any of this to Shelli, okay?

Bill, Shelli went home.

The spell's broken.

The spell?

The road spell.

Going home breaks the spell.

It's pictures on the refrigerator, dude.

It's her sleeping in her own bed, f*cking her own husband.

Look, it had to happen.

But maybe it's a blessing in disguise.

You know, Maureen Butler's gonna be here.

I doubt she'd ever even remember me.

Yeah, you're probably right.

A billion dollars in yoga pants sales tend to erase one's memory.

I was just trying to find the silver lining in the sow's ear, as they say.

What, the silver line... The silver lining in what kind of ear?

What'd you say?

I don't know.

I don't always listen to myself very close.

No, you're right.

It had to end.

Thank you, White Buffalo.

Hey, um, did our Hawaiian friend say it will happen tonight?

Your story changed my life, White Buffalo.

Hey, Wes.


Only I call him White Buffalo.


[dream pop rock music]


["Little Cloud" by Desert Stars playing]

♪ A room ♪
♪ Far off ♪
♪ Around ♪
♪ The little cloud ♪
♪ ♪
♪ And the danger of spring ♪
♪ ♪
♪ d*ad flowers in spring ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Ahh ♪
♪ ♪

Bill Hanson.


Hi, I'm Robin, your Fun Co liaison.

Hey, Robin. Good to meet you.

Welcome to the Fun Co experience.

It's an experience?

You know it!

Where are we storing gear?

In the James Monroe Ballroom, just to the left of the coronation room.

Thank you, Robin.

Excuse me.

You'll be after Future, Phantogram, alt-J, and just before Gwen Stefani.

And as you know, the master of ceremonies is David Spade.

David Spade, great.

We're all big d*ad Sex fans.

That's exciting.

Yes, you know it.

And Jack Peltz cannot wait to meet the Staton-House Band.

Oh, my guys are so thrilled to meet Mr. Peltz.

Great. He's a big fan.

I'll see ya. Nice to meet you.

You too.

Milo: I've just googled Fun Co.

These guys don't just stop at rubber toys.

They make the most lethal rubber b*llet on the market.

Dude, rubber b*ll*ts don't k*ll people.

This one does. It's called "The Imploder."

It kills you with a red-hot expl*si*n of rubber.

Warm cookie?

Those are oddly shaped.

Who the f*ck cares, man? They're free.

They're in the shape of the original Fun Co eraser.


I know.

Listen, Chelsea, I'm calling because I need to speak to Edgar urgently, and it concerns Extantion business, but also, it concerns me.


Chelsea. f*ck!

Why d... why do you keep looking at Reg?

I'm not.

Oh, shit.

By the way, I didn't tell you. We're all going to Europe.

Wait, what? When?


He told me we're all gonna go on the SHB European leg of the tour.

All of us?


Oh, that's sick!

Oh, my God.

I got to find the devil child.

We've got property to destroy.

I'm so f*cking happy.

Shelli, thank God. I thought you had gone home.

Couldn't stay away from ya.

You look happy.

You do. You look... happy.

Wow, thanks, guys.

It's good to see you.

Preston talked us into saying yes to this f*cking dog and pony show, and he doesn't even bother to show.

I know.

We used to laugh at other bands for doing stuff like this.

I feel so separate from Chris.

I can't explain it.

You don't have to.

You love him, but you can barely stand to look at him.

Rick's got Natalie now.

I mean, he's never been better, but he's got all these opinions, and you love him too.

But frankly, it was easier for you when he was a sweet pickled f*ck.



See, this is why you should be managing this band.


Think about it.

But it's just between us.

It's not about Bill.

He always takes Chris's side.

That's why I can't really trust him.

Not like I can trust you.


So don't tell Bill, okay?

Of course.

[clears throat]


You're back.

You didn't stay for the funeral?

I... you know, I felt like I should be here.

I mean, I knew this gig would be a f*ck.

Yeah, well, Tom's really on edge.

O-oh, really?

Yeah, because Christopher's not here yet.

But it's okay; I'm on it.

He just wanted to return the yearbook to his mother's house.



You just look like you got something on your mind.

Uh, no, no. I just...

I mean, how do we deal with this?

You know what? I, uh...

I've actually been giving it a lot of thought, and I think, uh...

I think that the most simple way to deal with it is to, uh, forget that any of it ever happened between us, and, uh, if you're concerned that I won't be able to do that, don't be.

I meant, how do we deal with Tom being upset, but fine, it's good to know.

Okay, I'm sorry. I thought that...

I didn't mean to... I thought you...

No, I'm glad you were honest.

I mean, we have to be honest with each other.

You know it.


Speaking of which, apparently, Maureen Butler is coming, and she and I did have a thing once.

Um, you know, she taught me about Buddhism.

You're not a Buddhist.

No, I'm not, but it is my favorite of all the religions.

You know, not that she'll even remember me.

[Lapsley's "Hurt Me"]

♪ ♪

Hey, Bill.


♪ ♪
♪ Can't look at you the same way ♪
♪ Anticipating heartbreak, and I know... ♪

Oh, my gosh.

Puna's melting animal.

It's like a metaphor.

The end of something.

What's up, honey bee?

What's buzzing inside that head of yours?

Found this thing I wrote when I was 16 on this hard drive that I thought I'd lost forever.

And it was...

It's like a map of how I always wanted to be.

I've been too rigid.

I've been too serious.

I've just been a seahorse.

Darlin', I already miss the seahorse.

♪ So if you're gonna hurt me ♪
♪ Why don't you hurt me a little bit more? ♪

I'm Phantogram's manager.

This isn't our lighting style.

This isn't mystery.

This isn't our look.

This is a big misunderstanding.

You said "huge."

Yeah, I didn't mean four towering buttresses as high as the ceiling.

That's not mystery.

Don't get me wrong, the words "Fun Co" are lit perfectly.

I will clarify the situation and get back to you.

Is it true that Sia pulled out for political reasons?

We are at the forefront of all kinds of rubber-based innovations, but Mr. Peltz violently rebuffs any notion that he condones any actual w*apon of destruction.

Our business in the Middle East is mainly recreational, and he knows the Dalai Lama.

[clears throat]

You again.


So what are your thoughts on Libya or Egypt?

Or "The Imploder"?

My band has a global conscience, you know.

Hey, eraser, look at me.

Okay, let me tell you something, man.

You keep f*cking dogging me about the Middle East, I'm gonna cut your heart out, and I'm gonna serve it on a f*cking platter like sushi, okay?

Just a performer, man.

Trying to make some money.

Just back the f*ck off.

f*cking d*ck.

woman: I hate tall dudes.

Copy that.

We just got a call from Gwen Stefani.

Gwen's running late due to her son's soccer game.

So you'll be going on sooner.

David Spade will introduce you, and of course, Mr. Peltz specifically requests that you play "Janine."

Christopher House is his favorite tortured singer-songwriter.

He can't wait to meet him. Is he here yet?

Robin, he's expected any moment.



Mr. Peltz is thrilled that you're doing "Janine" live again.

It's so exciting.

That definitely...

Changed things.

Yeah. Thanks, Robin.

Good recap. Thank you.

[Daryl Hall's "Talking To You (Is Like Talking To Myself)]

♪ Talking to you is like talking to myself ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ♪
♪ Talking to you is like talking to myself ♪
♪ Talking to you is like talking to myself ♪
♪ You're sleeping in while there's a riot rolling down ♪
♪ Talking to you is like talking to myself ♪

Can you hear me, sir?

Yes, yes, yes.

Okay. [stammers]

Edgar, I'm so sorry to be calling you so late at night.

Well, I can't always fall asleep when I want to these days anyway, but it's good to see you, Reg.

Though, I must say, you look a bit wrung-out.

Well, yes, sir, I'm extremely concerned.

See, they're breaking up.

No, no, no, I can... I can see you perfectly.

No, sir, the band, the band that hired us.

They're breaking up.

I've just found out that their manager is determined to break them up.

He's canceled the last leg of our... of their tour.

I've only just found out about this, and, sir, it is the wrong decision.

Financially and in... In... in many ways, but, sir, I can write a proposal tonight which explains in det...

No, no, no, no, Reg, there's no need.

It's all been decided.

You've... you've already been reassigned.



Yes, it's a canned goods company in need of rebranding.

It's perfect for you.

You'll be... you'll be up to your ears in soup, but at least you'll be here at home and away from what you described in that hilarious memo, "show people who hug."

Well, yes, sir, that... That was a long time ago.

So it's over.

Yes, Reg.

Now, you mustn't let anyone over there get wind of the fact that the tour's been called off.

None of the crew must know.

Preston doesn't want any discord in the ranks.

Yes, I'm sure he doesn't.

Mm-hmm, yes.

Well, I must say I should be relieved to have you back with us.

Extantion needs you.

I need you.

I understand, sir.

Well, if you'll forgive me, I should make another attempt at sleep.

Good night.

Marjorie, how do you... How do you turn this thing off?

[overlapping chatter]

man: And now, the CEO of Fun Co, Jack Peltz!

Welcome, friends, to the Fun Co experience!

[cheers and applause]

Can I get a "hoo!"

all: Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Fun Co!

I feel a little distant from you.

Should I get closer?

[cheers and applause]


It began with rubber vomit...


Rubber roaches, and of course, the fake doggy dropping that put us on the map.

But it didn't stop there.

We moved from those novelty items into an exciting array of quality rubber and thermoplastic products.

We don't just mold, extrude, and fabricate rubber and polyurethanes...

So do you call everybody Bill, or do you actually remember me?

How could I forget?

You were the cutest tour manager ever.

Come on.

And you brought me tea.

I did.

You told me my voice was great when it wasn't.

Oh, I always loved your voice.

That crazy room service waiter that only spoke Latvian.

[Bill chuckles]

That f*re drill...

Yeah, down that back exit.

The loofah.

You remember the loofah.

Jack: We do it all with love.

You look good, Bill.

You too.

I mean, you... You look better than good.

You look great.

I'm glad you're not swinging off chandeliers anymore.

Me too. Me too.

Now, I mean, I never actually swung, right?

No, just a saying.

It's just a saying, yeah.

Jack: So last year, I put a little band called g*n N' Roses back together.

[cheers and applause]

But this year, for our 40th, we have my favorite band, Staton-House!

[cheers and applause]

Plus, Phantogram, Future, alt-J, Gwen Stefani, come on!

[cheers and applause]

And iconic fashion entrepeneuress, Maureen Butler, unveiling her new rubber-based creations.

Why am I so nervous?

You're gonna do great.

This is what I do.

Bring comfort to geniuses.

And who brings comfort to you?

[cheers and applause]

Well... Hmm.

Jack: All right, enough with me.

Now time for the real talent.

Our host, nominated for three Emmys this year as writer, creator, and star of the great drama d*ad Sex, David Spade!

[cheers and applause]

Whoo! Ha, ha!

Good to see you, buddy.


You guys, this has been such a remarkable year, and I'm so grateful.

I really appreciate all the fans of d*ad Sex out there.

Wow, um, okay, thanks, thank you.


So, uh, Christopher's plane landed safely.

Thank God.

But he wasn't on it.



What the f*ck are we supposed to do?

I need you to go on sooner.

I just got a call that alt-J was stopped at the airport for not having the proper visas, and they were sent home.

Wait, look...

What about Gwen Stefani?

She's having an emergency with her kid.

She can't make it either.

Oh, I've heard that one before.

Wait, are you saying you think it might not be true?

Because that's what I thought.

Oh, of course it's true.

Why would Gwen Stefani not want to be here?

What am I gonna do?

This is the 40th anniversary of Fun Co.

And all we have is SHB, Future, and Phantogram.

[Phantogram playing "You Don't Get Me High Anymore"]

♪ ♪

♪ I don't like staying at home ♪
♪ When the moon is bleeding red ♪
♪ Woke up stoned in the backseat ♪
♪ From a dream where my teeth fell out of my head ♪
♪ So cut it up, cut it up, yeah ♪
♪ Everybody's on something here ♪
♪ My God send chemical best friend ♪
♪ Skeleton whispering in my ear ♪
♪ Walk with me to the end ♪

[clears throat]



It's a cool party.

Right, yep.

Look, you, uh...

Can you not touch...

Oh, sorry.

Look, you don't deserve the burden of your company's nefarious activities.

Just wanted to tell you that.

Great thing to say, dude.

I got to... 'cause...

Getting paid to do this.

♪ Not like before ♪
♪ You don't get me high anymore ♪

Could you do that thing that you do, but with Natalie?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You want me to get rid of Natalie?

She is driving me crazy.

You look different.

You, uh... You cut your hair.

No, I...

Look, Rick, you're doing so well.

I mean, you're happy.

Don't you think Natalie has something to do with that?

Absolutely, I mean, she's the best thing I got in my life right now.

I just can't handle her.

You need to get rid of her, okay?

♪ UFO obliterate the way I feel ♪
♪ Walk with me to the end ♪
♪ Stare with me into the abyss ♪
♪ Do you feel like letting go? ♪
♪ I wonder how far down it is ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Nothing is fun ♪
♪ Not like before ♪
♪ You don't get me high anymore ♪
♪ Used to take one ♪
♪ Now it takes four ♪
♪ You don't get me high anymore ♪
♪ I'm not high anymore ♪
♪ You don't get me ♪
♪ You don't get me high anymore ♪

[cheers and applause]

[Here We Go Magic's "Stella"]

♪ ♪



That slide is over-hydrated!


♪ ♪

Guess what, little man.

In just a few weeks, it's gonna be you and me destroying Europe together.



Mom says I'm not allowed to go on tour with my dad anymore.

Wait, what?

They got in this whole fight, and she won.

So looks like we only have today, tomorrow, one last show, and good-bye.

♪ That Mona Lisa is a vacuum ♪
♪ It sucks you in to float in space ♪
♪ Oh, Stella ♪

Now, on the way down here, I stopped at the 99 cent store.

I usually don't go in there because I'm rich, but I'm on hiatus, so I stopped in.

A lot of things in the 99 cent store.

Weirdest thing was the early pregnancy test.

This is for the girl in the regular pharmacy going, "I think I'm pregnant, but I'm not spending more than a buck to find out.

I'll just wait."

You guys, thanks.

That's my part.

[cheers and applause]

You're very nice people.

We've got a great show tonight.

Your headliners are coming up right now.

It's an honor to bring up this great American band.

You know... one second, please.

I love your work, by the way.

Thank you.


Is this real?


All right.

Ladies and gentlemen, most of Staton-House!

[cheers and applause]

Hey, Fun Co.

After conferring with Mr. Peltz, we've determined we will only be paying you the guarantee.

Shelli: Let's pretend you never said that, and let me talk to Mr. Peltz.

I'm sorry. That is not an option.

How may I help, Robin?

You can't help.

You didn't provide a full band, therefore, we won't be paying you in full.

Now, now, Robin, I... we put 4/5 of this band up on that stage.

So you'll pay us 4/5 of your contract.

Exactly. Well said.

She's right.

I cannot deal with this right now.

Robin, you're doing a great job.

Is there any word from Christopher yet?

I mean, I don't f*cking understand.

I'm texting him this morning.

He said the plane was about to take off.

Well, it did, just not with him.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Like what?

Never mind.

Uh, what exactly did that text from Christopher say?

Just read it to me.

"All's well.

I'm finding my way back."


"I'm finding my way back" is a line from "November Girl."



He's with Janine.

♪ On fleek with it, on fleek with it ♪
♪ Think she bad, I'ma smash, she a freak with it ♪
♪ They lookin' mad at her from the street with it ♪
♪ Makin' your mad girl bad, want to creep with it ♪
♪ She on fleek with it, on fleek with it ♪
♪ Think she bad, I'ma smash ♪

Kelly Ann: Look, there he is.

What do you think?

He looks like Steve Buscemi.

I know.

I've got to pluck up the courage.

Could I have another Pino Palladino?

You mean a piña colada?

Yeah, sorry.

I got it mixed up with the bassist from The Who.

Okay, this is sick.

There's a big exec at Fun Co named Mr. Wesley.

They accidentally gave me his suite.

They're gonna regret that.


Holy shit. You're drinking?

I mean, I haven't seen you drink all tour.

Is this 'cause of Christopher?

'Cause I heard it's just strep throat.

No, this is me being the real me.

I begged her to take it slow.

Okay, Kel, you know what, I don't like you drinking.

It never ends well.

That was the past.

Tonight, I change all that.

Okay, just...

You know what?

Just meet me in my room later tonight, okay, so I can keep an eye on you.

I'm throwing a party to network.

To network? Why?

To seek employment, man.

You know, Winston's not allowed to go on tour with his dad anymore, so I guess I won't be going with you all to Europe.

Aw, Wes.

It's fine. It's fine, okay?

I know exactly how to create business opportunities.

I'm gonna get hooked up with a new tour before the night's over, mark my words.

♪ She on fleek with it, on fleek with it ♪
♪ Think she bad, I'ma smash, she a freak with it ♪
♪ They lookin' mad at her from the street with it ♪
♪ Makin' your mad girl bad want to... ♪

I don't understand.

Okay, uh, Natalie, look.

Rick is a difficult, changeable, selfish, extremely friendly guy.

I know.

Of course you do.


So we're good.

We're just good.

No, no, we're not.


'Cause you are threatened by the influence I have over him.

That is true, but this comes from Rick.

Not me.

Look at me. Rick does not want you here.

[voice breaking] And I believe you now.

But I'm still not going.

You really thought I would leave?

Are you kidding?

People are going to tell my story to their children to inspire them.

The little fangirl that could.

Please, you have to go.

And it's an uplifting tale of redemption and transformation.

Think about it.

Was I really just this crazy, obsessed fan, or did I somehow have this inner knowing that this band was where I belonged?

Just like Phil's story.

Which one?

N-never mind.

Natalie, look.

Where will you sleep?


Take this, okay?

It gets cold here at night.

Rick's just afraid of commitment, like all human beings, you know?

Yeah, I heard that.

He'll come around.

Reg, you are a sight for sore...



Europe's gonna be awesome.

Mr. Peltz, I'm Reg Whitehead.

I've just heard.

I sincerely apologize for the lack of Christopher House.

Man, I am not happy.

And, look, I'm known for being happy.

I spend 36 hours a day happy.

[chuckles] The...

If I may, there's only... There's only 24 hours in a day.

You didn't read my business bestseller, When the Road Meets the Rubber?

No, I have. I've read it, yeah.

In the last chapter, I talked about the 36-hour day, so...

It's entitled "The 36-Hour Day."

That's the heading of the chapter.

That's right.

How could I forget?

So yeah, this is on me.

Um, I allowed a situation to unfold which caused Christopher a great deal of shock and emotional turmoil.

That's... that's... that's why... That's why he isn't here.

That's the reason he isn't here.

It's 'cause of me.

I've just... I've just long been an admirer of you and your, um, business instincts, and I just... I just feel compelled to tell you the truth.

Well, thank you for that, Reg.

But if you'd like some advice, unless you like failure, you need to embrace the selective truth.

I've told the selective truth my entire life.

And I cannot do it anymore.

Do you want to hear the actual truth?

It's literally just come to me in this moment now.

I reject your business philosophies and everything that you stand for.

Because you see, Peltz, your father was right.

The key isn't the pencil.

The key is the eraser.

The key to life is the second chance.

What do you mean, a second ago, "emotional turmoil"?

What emotional turmoil?

Um, I... Someone I met...

Called Janine.



Not the Janine?


You know her? You know Janine?

I know her.

I-I have to hear this.

Th... this is... this is better than hearing the f*cking song.

Can I buy you a drink?

Yeah, yeah. It's good...

No, no, not that shit, the good stuff.

f*ck that, yeah.

King of Phantogram.

Wes, you seem like the go-to guy.

Dude, I am your go-to guy for everything.

Well, I got an idea.

How about we Postmates some Hooters buffalo wings, you know?


Extra crispy.

Done. I got you, dog.


Wes Coast!

Hey, real quick, I'm available all year for employment.

Guitars, people, and coffee.

So here I am, doing teleprompter for Staton-House, and you're doing the video for Phantogram, and you're sat right opposite me, and we're hanging in this bar, and we use real life.

We didn't use Tinder or Blender or Binder.

We used real life.

And we both hate corporate gigs.

Well, I actually kind of love corporate gigs.

We did one for Gillette, and I took, like, ten bags of razors.

Yeah. [chuckles]

But don't you think they're kind of...

These events are like a sellout.


The whole old school vibe is d*ad.

People don't even clap anymore 'cause they've got a phone in one hand.

Wake up.

We're just here to steal a few watches off of the rotting carcass of what used to be alternative music.

I disagree. It's just a travesty.

It's like an invisible gas that surrounds you, and then one day, you're just another f*cking sellout.

Okay, yeah, you're being anachronistic.


Do you even know what that means?

You're... you're calling me a relic out of time, and all I'm saying is that I really care about music, and that matters more than ever.

It's not something that can be bought.

It's not something that you can contain in a rubber billionaire's rubber palace.

You're dreaming if you don't realize that it's all different now.

You know, you have a beautiful smile.

You should... use it more.

Do you want to get out of here?


I do.


So quick as that, everything, like, came into focus.

There she is.

Aww, hey, baby.

Good job.

I'm having a great time. How 'bout you?

I'm having a wonderful time.

This is my luminous, effervescent fiancée, Maureen.

Hi, Maureen. I'm Reginald.

♪ We're not broken ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Baby ♪
♪ If you want me in your life... ♪



[clears throat]

You know, um, what I said to you before, I shouldn't have, and I... I just... I apologize.


We all make mistakes.

I've been... [clicks tongue]

Making one all night.


I'm Logan.

I'm, uh... I'm Milo.

Hey, Milo.

Hey. Nice to meet you.

You too.

So guess what.


We both have suits.




And guess what else.

What else?

I can see the future.



Well, do you want to know what happens?


We come back here to this very seat... to remember the moment we first met.

♪ If you want me in your life ♪
♪ ♪

When do you want the future to begin?

Must've been odd being up there minus one.

Actually, it was fine.


Here's... Here's what I want to say, uh...

I've given your generous offer a ton of thought, and with all respect, I have to tell you, uh, you're wrong about Bill.

He cares about this band so much.

In fact, no one cares more about this band than Bill does.

So I'd really love to manage you guys, but, um, I won't do it without him.

He makes me better. I know it.

Together, we can give you everything.

My heart is with this band.

So is his.

So I'm not saying take it or leave it.

I'm saying take it.

What are you... What are you doing?

What are you looking for?

I lost my hard drive.

It must've fallen out of my pocket.



You know Wes really wants to come to Europe, and he's a really great tech, and you've had his coffee, so can... could you just...


I'm sorry, I can't...

You don't have to promise anything.

I d...



Just forget it.

By the way, your nickname doesn't stand for Due Diligence.

It stands for Douchebag Dawson.

Wait a second. That's a terrible nickname.

Doesn't even... doesn't even f*cking make sense, apart from the douchebag bit.

Who's, um... What's... who's Dawson?

It's a reference to Titanic.

I've never seen it.


I've never seen Titanic.

I'm never... I'm never going to...

Never gonna watch it.

What we'll do is, is us two, we'll go and find it together.




Never seen Titanic.

No, I've never seen Titanic.

[relaxed pop music playing]

♪ ♪

You know, uh, a little bird told me you're the best road manager in music.

And in space.

If it's stories you want, I got a lot of 'em.

But only if you pay the balance.



A grand per story, take it or leave it.

Just call me Schehera-f*ck'-zade.


What's your, uh...

What's your favorite song, all-time?

My all-time favorite song is an obscure little treasure called "Willin'" by Little Feat.

All right, well, next year, I'll have it sung for you, and you'll be guest of honor.

Yeah, Tom Petty did it too, and so did that lovely little Linda Ronstadt, but my favorite version, the definitive version, was by the late Lowell George.

I'm sorry. I'm a little emotional tonight.

No, it's all right. It's all right.

I love it.

I'll show you around.

I've got, uh, Roger Waters' Telecaster over here.

Well, don't show it to me.

I'll tell you if it's real.

He lived with me for three months.


Can I grab a plate?

Yeah, sure.

[clears throat] Thank you.

David Spade?

Hey, hey.

Man, I'm a huge fan, I mean, huge fan.

Bill Hanson, Staton-House Band.

All right. Oh, cool, cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Gosh, I just got to tell you, you look good.

I really admire the way you've incorporated your success into kind of a charismatic ease.

Yeah, it comes very naturally to you.

Well, that was the plan.


Sorry, man, I'm...

Really, I have to ask you this, but how does the season end?

I mean, do you find Jen?

Eh, I probably shouldn't tell you.

You want to know?

No, you know what, you're right.

I don't. You're right.

Sorry, excuse me. [clears throat]

Man, I'm s... [chuckles]

You're right here. I do, I do.

I got to know.

Just between you and me.

[clears throat] All right.

I k*ll Jen.

You k*ll Jen?

Why the f*ck would you do that?

♪ Oh, me, oh, my, oh ♪
♪ Look at Miss Ohio ♪
♪ She's running around with her rag-top down ♪

Not bad.

♪ Says I wanna do right, but not right now ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Gonna drive to Atlanta ♪
♪ Live out this fantasy ♪
♪ Running around with her... ♪

Could it... Could it be here?

Could you have... Could you have left it here?

I don't know. I was just wandering around.

Why is it, though, um, when I'm with you, we're always looking for something, and it's always hopeless?

You don't have to help.

No, I want to. I want to.

I want... I just want... I just need some fortification.


♪ They're blue and they're black ♪
♪ We're out on the flaps ♪
♪ Way out on the I-42 ♪
♪ Janine, Janine ♪
♪ Janine, Janine ♪
♪ I know he was thinking of you ♪

What was on... What was on it?

That... what's on your... On your little hard drive?

Just all this stuff that I wrote when I was 16 about wanting to be strong and courageous and just not giving a shit.

But that's who... That's who you are.

That's the person that you are.



No, I've been... somewhat... lost.

Yeah, we're all lost, but you... but, um...

Right, so you stood up to me.

You do have courage.

You are those things.

And everybody sees it.

Everybody sees this, um... this light... that you have in you.

And I think that one day, you will see it too.

Can we stop looking for it now?

And do what?

I don't know.

We could watch a movie.

Or we could... Do you know they made the film I Like It Hot just over there?

Some Like It Hot.

Some Like It Hot.

Just over there.

Yes, Billy Wilder movie.

Wilder movie.

And he also made Sunset Boulevard.

Boulevard, and, uh... Uh...

Yeah, he's a... I mean, he's a...

He's a great...

I don't... I don't want to watch a movie.

Well, then, we could swim.

Drunkenly, in the nude...


And celebrate the destruction of who we are or were.


f*ck it. Call me Double D.

Double D.


I've only ever had sex drunk.

I've never had it not drunk.

And I... would really like... to try that sometime.

In Europe, maybe with you.



Can I kiss you?


Like when?

[gentle acoustic music]

♪ But I won't forget ♪
♪ The way she flied ♪
♪ ♪

Wait, Reg, do you understand what I mean about waiting until Europe?

I do. I do.

Except there is no Europe.

That's not funny.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't make jokes.

Were you just saying that to try and get me into bed?

Yeah, I did.

Forgive me. Okay.

Well, well, we'll wait until... Until Europe...


♪ ♪

Marilyn Monroe, she always looks like her clothes are just about to fall off.

She's always laughing, but you can tell how sad she is.

And she wants to, um, marry someone very rich, and I always thought that was such a smart idea.

And I wanted to be that rich man that she would want to marry.

Good night, Sugar.

Good night, honey.

Honey? She called me honey.

I'm gonna find your hard drive.

I'm gonna go and get it.

♪ ♪
♪ Get down, I won't get down ♪
♪ Get down, I won't get down ♪
♪ Get down, I won't get down ♪
♪ Get down, I won't get down ♪
♪ Get down, I won't get down ♪
♪ Get down, I won't get down ♪
♪ Get down, I won't get down ♪
♪ Get down, I won't get down ♪

Thank you.


David: No, I understand.

No, but listen to me.

These people are huge d*ad Sex fans.

Do you get it?

Now, do we have time to rewrite and re-sh**t the ending?

Let's get Aaron Sorkin for a day or that guy that did Hamilton.

I'm not sh1tting you. We have to do it.

I'll pay for it myself.

The forum is such a logistical nightmare.

Do you ever dream about delegating this menial crap when we're managers?

Only most days.

Dream no more.

Tom wants us to take over.

You messin' with me?

He approached me, you and me.

The time is now.

What do you say, partner?

I can't.

I can't manage the band with you.

Why not?

Because I'm in love with you.


Don't worry.

I mean, you don't have to say anything.

I don't?


I mean, I could tell from...

When I first saw you this morning and I could see how happy you were, I knew that you and I were over.

What are you talking about?

I'm saying you went home, and that broke the spell.

I-I was happy to be back.

I-I-I was sad to leave, and really happy to come back.



I mean, you don't have to just say that.

Hey, guys?


I just got this.

[clears throat] What is it?


"As Neil Young once said, some things that started spontaneously 14 years ago end that way.

Long may you run."

together: "Christopher House."

He's left the band.

You okay?

I don't know.

We'll see.

Hey, Reginald.

Oh, Phil!

Hey, listen, man.

You need to hear this.

Peltz told me you blame yourself for this, and that's bullshit.


I haven't given up hope.

I can still save this tour.

Nothing you can do.

It's already over.

All because those two boys couldn't talk to each other.



Only thing worse than people is monkeys.

I don't really have much of an opinion on monkeys.

Listen, listen.

Do you hear that?

No, I don't hear a thing.

[groaning and straining]

f*ck, Phil.

f*ck. Phil.

Can somebody please help us?

Phil? Phil.

[Little Feat's "Willin'"]

♪ ♪
♪ I been warped by the rain ♪
♪ Driven by the snow ♪
♪ I'm drunk and dirty ♪
♪ Don't ya know ♪
♪ And I'm still ♪
♪ Willin' ♪
♪ Out on the road late last night ♪
♪ I see my pretty Alice in every headlight ♪
♪ Alice ♪
♪ Dallas Alice ♪

Milo: The paramedics are on their way.

♪ I've been from Tucson to Tucumcari ♪
♪ Tehachapi to Tonopah ♪
♪ Driven every kind of rig that's ever been made ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Driven the back roads so I wouldn't get weighed ♪
♪ ♪
♪ And if you give me ♪
♪ Weed, whites, and wine ♪
♪ ♪
♪ You show me a sign ♪
♪ I'll be willin' ♪
♪ To be movin' ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
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